Preliminary BCS Games

Rose Bowl (Jan 1): Southern Cal vs. Illinois - Let me just say for the record that the Rose Bowl is run by a bunch of moron. Many analysts think Southern Cal and Georgia were playing as well or better than anyone at the end of the year (I would include Oklahoma in that group). The Rose Bowl gets Southern Cal as the PAC 10 winner, but instead of picking top 5 BCS team Georgia to give us one of the better bowl games of the season, they take Illinois who barely made the cut as a BCS eligible team. Why? They wanted to keep that foolish tradition of Big 10/Pac 10 in the Rose Bowl. That's stupid. They can continue calling the Rose Bowl "The Granddaddy of Them All", but the reality is that in my lifetime, the Rose Bowl has hardly been a game that I pay that much attention to. It's rarely been a factor in the title picture, and when it has, it's been a bad matchup to watch. Ironically, the best Rose Bowl I ever saw was the 2006 game when Texas beat Southern Cal for the national title. This was a matchup that never would have happened until the BCS system came into being. As for this game, I'm not saying Illinois can't win. They did beat Ohio State. Both teams have a bad loss - USC to Stanford, Illinois to Iowa. Illinois could actually have a better chance in this game than other Big 10 teams since they are built more for speed than your typical Big 10 squad. However, I think Southern Cal is better on both sides of the ball and should win this one.

Sugar Bowl (Jan 1): Georgia vs. Hawaii - In all honesty, this could be a laugher. The only chance Hawaii has is to turn this game into a shootout because they've got an offense that can score. Which is why a Hawaiian win isn't impossible. Any team that can score 554 points in a season can be dangerous. And Georgia has been known to throw in clunker this year. However, they just aren't on the level of a Georgia that can actually play defense. Some believe that Boise State's win over Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl last year is why Hawaii could be competitive. However, last year's Boise State team was much better than this year's Hawaii. Hawaii needed overtime to beat Louisiana Tech and San Jose State - two teams that had losing records. So, I think Georgia's got this one.

Fiesta Bowl (Jan 2): West Virginia vs. Oklahoma - I was leaning towards Oklahoma in this one from the beginning. I think with a healthy Pat White, West Virginia can beat anyone. However, I would take Oklahoma over anyone right now. They were rolling at the end of the year with their only late loss coming against Texas Tech when quarterback Sam Bradford was out hurt. But now there's a change in the situation with West Virginia coach Rich Rodriguez leaving for Michigan. The easy school of thought is that the team will certainly be hurt with a smaller staff and flux at the head coaching position. On the other hand, you never know how players will react to stuff like this. Michigan basketball fired their head coach at the beginning of the 1989 NCAA tournament for accepting a job at AZ St. for the next year. As a 3 seed, they weren't a favorite to win it all, but they did just that under an interim coach. It's tough to tell how the Mountaineer players will react. The fans are angry (see yesterday's posting), but the players don't seem to be all that bent out of shape (but who knows about the locker room). I don't know if that is good or bad. Are they resigned to fate and going to come out flat? Or are they confident in themselves and wanting to prove they can win without him? I don't know, so I'm sticking with my original gut pick of Oklahoma.

Orange Bowl (Jan 3): Virginia Tech vs. Kansas - I'm not a big ACC fan this year. Or last year for that matter. The question for Virginia Tech is: are they better than when they got beat 48-7 at LSU? I'm sure they are. Their only other loss on the season was to Boston College. Kansas' only loss period was to Missouri by 8. I'm going with Kansas for the simple reason that they were second in points scored this year to Virginia Tech's 51st. Now, the perception is that Virginia Tech has a more powerful defense, but Kansas actually gave up fewer points this year. Even worse for Tech is that the top 25 in scoring offenses is full of Big 12 teams, but only one ACC team. That means Kansas faced higher scoring teams than Virginia Tech, but still held their opponents to fewer points.

Rest Of The Non-BCS Bowl Picks

Well, Mississippi State finally scored again in the Liberty Bowl (it was still the worst bowl game so far) so I'm 10-3 right now. Here are the picks for all the non-BCS bowls that I didn't get the first time around.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31): California vs. Air Force - At one point Cal was 5-0 and ranked second in the country. They only won one game after that. I can't imagine they feel all that great being there. Air Force is playing well and probably up for this. On the other hand, Cal has responded well in previous bowl games. Then again, the Mountain West Conference is undefeated in bowl games, so I'm going with my brother's alma mater.
Humanitarian (Dec 31): Fresno St. vs. Georgia Tech - Tech just fired their coach after another less than great season. Fresno St. loves to take down the BCS teams. Trouble is Fresno isn't as good as past teams. Still, I think they take this one.
Sun (Dec 31): South Florida vs. Oregon - Easy call. With Dennis Dixon, Oregon was good. Without him, they were really bad. They won't have him.
Music City (Dec 31): Florida State vs. Kentucky - As I said before, FSU is missing 36 players. If UK loses this game, they should take up permanent residence in Nashville.
Chick-fil-A (Dec 31): Clemson vs. Auburn - My first thought was that Clemson barely beat a non-bowl SEC team in South Carolina so how can they beat Auburn. Then I remembered how bad Auburn looked in some games this year. This is a tough call because I wasn't impressed with either of them. I'll take Clemson.
Insight (Dec 31): Indiana vs. Oklahoma St. - Indiana had the feel good story of the year as the Hoosiers fulfilled the bowl dream of coach Terry Hoeppner who died in the offseason. Oklahoma State is led by national punchline Mike Gundy. The irony is that Oklahoma State has played better since Gundy benched the player he was giving such a spirited defense of. Still Ok. State gives up too many points.
Outback (Jan 1): Wisconsin vs. Tennessee - I don't think much of the Big 10, but I also don't think much of Tennessee when they play bowl games against teams from the Big 10.

NFL Break: I just watched another defensive back watch as Randy Moss runs right by him on a deep route. It's amazing how well receivers do when they aren't covered.

Cotton (Jan 1): Missouri vs. Arkansas - Arkansas got in this bowl solely by beating LSU to finish their regular season. Missouri was shafted into this bowl. Even though both Missouri's losses came to Big 12 champ Oklahoma, they still fell out of the BCS bowls. Two teams they beat, Kansas and Illinois, are in BCS bowls. Missouri belonged in a much better bowl and they'll take it out on Arkansas whether or not Darren McFadden plays.

Another NFL break: Eli Manning reverted to his national form as he destroyed any chance the Giants had of beating the Patriots with a horribly inaccurate pass that was intercepted 10 yards behind the receiver.

Gator (Jan 1): Virginia vs. Texas Tech - Virginia has a great defense. Texas Tech has a great offense. The question is whether or not Virginia's defense can slow Texas Tech's offense enough. I think they can do better than most, but the big problem is whether or not Virginia can score enough even if they do hold them. I'm thinking not. Tech's defense isn't that good, but Virginia only scored more than 23 points three times. If Duke and North Carolina can stop them, so can Tech.
Capital One (Jan 1): Michigan vs. Florida - Defending champ Florida had a disappointing season as they finished third in the SEC East. Michigan rebounded from their losses to Appalachian State and Oregon to do OK in the Big 10. Until they lost their last two. So, they are slumping, their two worst losses were to teams running the spread option and Florida runs the spread option. Gee, I wonder if I'm going with Michigan. Unlikely.

Last NFL break: This is how inept an Eli Manning offense is. The Giants had the ball at the Patriots 17 at the two minute warning stoppage with a 10 point deficit. They ran a play for 13 yards, and then dicked around enough that there next snap was with 1:20 on the clock. They ran one play in 40 seconds. Pee-wee teams can run a better hurry up offense.

International (Jan 5): Rutgers vs. Ball State - A bowl game in Toronto. Rutgers is so bad they lost to Louisville. Ball State hasn't beaten anybody. Still, I can't see Ball State beating Rutgers. Ball State can't run the ball, and Rutgers is good at stopping the pass. I think Ray Rice runs all over them.
GMAC (Jan 6): Tulsa vs. Bowling Green - Ah, the GMAC Bowl in Mobile, Alabama. Been there twice. Nice city. Should be a good game with plenty of offense. Neither team has much of a defense. I think Tulsa has a better offense. Maybe UL should have taken that Tulsa coach.

Penn State beat Texas A&M which makes me 11-3 in my bowl picks. Stay tuned in a couple of days for my five BCS Bowl picks.

Early Bowl and College Football Thoughts

Before doing my next group of picks, I thought I would take a look back at some previous games and other things of interest in the college game. At this point, I'm 10-2 in my previous bowl picks with the Liberty Bowl on now and the Alamo and Independence still to come.

Best game: I didn't get to watch the Hawaii Bowl which could be it. However, Central Michigan's comeback from being down 21 at the half to only losing by 3 was pretty exciting. Too bad they lost their chance by bloop kicking (short and high but returnable) after tying the score with just over a minute left. Not really too smart to let a team only needing a field goal start near midfield.

Worst game: This Liberty Bowl that I'm watching. It's 3-3 early in the second half. It's brutal. I'm not sure if either team will score again.

It was kind of ironic to hear some UK supporters say that Florida State shouldn't be in a bowl game because of some cheating. UK plays their basketball games in an arena named after a coach who cheated so much that the 1952 season was suspended. However, it should be embarrassing for FSU players because they were getting the answers to a test for an online music class. Even worse, it was an open book exam.

However, the fact that FSU will only have 43 scholarship players pretty much gives the Music City Bowl to UK which is a boon to UK fans. For a few more days, they can forget that they have a basketball team. Actually, John Clay of the local rag had a stupid column a few days ago saying the bowl game was lose-lose for UK. If they lose the game, UK looks like a bunch of schmoes for losing to a team minus 36 players. Even if they win, everyone says it's because FSU was shorthanded. That's BS. This is the Music City Bowl. Two years from now, only UK and FSU fans will remember anything from it. Tennessee barely beat FSU for the 1998 national title in the Fiesta Bowl, but no one remembers that the quarterback who got FSU to the Fiesta Bowl, Chris Weinke, was out for that game.

Rick Neuheisel was hired as the new UCLA football coach (hopefully his specialty is blocking on field goal attempts). I think it's nice that he's back in the college game because him being fired at Washington four years ago was bogus. He broke the NCAA rule against gambling by being in a NCAA basketball tournament pool. You know, the tournament that depends on pools for ratings which means more money for the NCAA.

West Virginia has filed suit against former coach Rich Rodriguez because his buddies have been publicly stating that Rodriguez wasn't going to pay the $4 million buyout that was in his contract if he left the Mountaineers (which he did for Michigan). One of Rod's good friends said that he was basically coerced into signing a new contract that included the buyout. Riiiiight. Yeah, WVU certainly twisted his arm with that 70% raise they gave him in the same contract. A contract is a contract. If it gives Rodriguez the opportunity to break it, he can leave. If it says he has to pay to do so, he has to pay.

Some people wonder why coaches are allowed to leave while under contract. It's because it's in their contract that they can. They just generally have to pay to do it. Some wonder why colleges don't put language in that forces them to stay the length of the contract. Easy. They know they may have to go grab someone else's coach if they get rid of the one they have. As part of their search, WVU has interviewed Central Michigan's head coach.

It's been pretty humorous to see how badly West Virginia fans have been taking Rodriguez leaving. The fact that WVU is going to fight so hard for the buyout (in most cases, it's negotiated down)is only one indication. He was heckled at an airport, his hometown removed a sign saying he was from there (to protect from vandals) and pretty much a total disowning. It's obvious why. When Bobby Petrino left UL, I wasn't that bent out of shape about it. I knew he was a mercenary (who could win which is why I liked him), but he didn't have any real connection to Louisville before taking an assistant position and later the head job. Rodriguez was a native West Virginian who played at WVU. It took me one game as a visitor to Morgantown to see West Virginians fans are to their football team what UK fans are to their basketball team. So, Rodriguez was idolized. Then he left. He didn't just leave. He proclaimed Michigan to be a dream job which pretty much stated that West Virginia sucked. For Mountaineer fans, he didn't just insult the school, he insulted the entire state. Then he threw salt on that wound by trying to steal recruits from WVU (before telling his former players he was leaving) and screwing up their future recruiting. To put it in a way many of my friends can understand, imagine Billy Gillipsie flopping and being replaced by John Pelphrey who eventually takes them to two Final Fours in three years. Then leaves to take the North Carolina job because it's a special situation there. Oh, and he takes a top five prospect with him. How do you think UK fans would view Pelphrey?

A report out there says Darren McFadden may have had a car (OK, a brand new Escalade) bought for him by a potential agent. That means he could be ineligible for the Cotton Bowl. Who cares? Sure, Arkansas can beat Missouri (they did beat LSU), but I didn't think they would with McFadden. And he's not coming back next year.

Week In Review

I guess the biggest story of the week might be the assassination of Benazir Bhutto in Pakistan. What I found shocking was how many people found it shocking. Let's look at the situation. Pakistan is a backwards-ass country with the hinterlands (and a good chunk of the state intelligence apparatus) pretty much out of control of the central government. Radical Islam has moved out of said hinterlands to the point that half the country gives Osama Bin Laden a big thumbs up. Bhutto was more pro-western than President Pervez Musharraf who has been targeted for assassination several times by extremist groups. Add to that the fact that she's a woman and the people who didn't like her followed an extreme misogynistic form of a religion that is pretty misogynistic to begin with. She didn't have a chance the moment she made it back to Pakistan.

So, who killed her? She had been receiving lots of threats from Islamists. Al Qaeda has claimed credit because chaos in Pakistan is in their best interests. While assistance in the murder by Pakistani intelligence isn't out of the question (as I said, they've been heavily infiltrated by Islamists), it seems pretty ludicrous to accuse, as some are doing, Musharraf of being behind it. The uproar that came from it doesn't help him at all. He may not have liked her or wanted her back in the country, but he traded immunity for her (her last time in elected office was very corrupt) in exchange for her (and her party's) support for his re-election bid. Musharraf was better off with her alive. So, obviously her supporters showed the rationality inherent to that region by blaming Musharraf. Which happens to be the same rationality of some presidential candidates here. I've got to love the responses from Barak Obama and Bill Richardson who want to withhold aid to Pakistan until Musharraf quits and "full democracy is restored." Brilliant. Let's get rid of one of our few allies in an Islamist heavy country with nuclear weapons and hope an election leads to something better.

I'm not really surprised that those two said something like that. As much as I hate to agree with John Edwards, his belief that Obama was ridiculous was spot on. I've found a lot of pronouncements from Obama to be rather silly. On the other hand, Richardson just wants some attention. Any attention. That guy is such a panderer that he told a bunch of pig farmers (commonly referred to as Iowans) that having the first caucus in Iowa is the will of God. Now, I don't claim to be a biblical scholar, but I did take Bible history in junior high (it was in the deep south) and in college. I don't remember a specific passage mentioning Iowa, but maybe it was one of the Songs of Solomon.

Unfortunately, the Iowa Caucus brings out a lot of stupidity in people. I've said it before. There is no way that a caucus in a podunk state like Iowa should get this much attention when it comes to nominating a presidential candidate. To begin with, a caucus is stupid. Unlike a primary election, voters have to register and sit through all day meetings before voting. Gee, I wonder if that depresses turnout? Plus, contrary to popular belief, Iowa doesn't tell you crap. Look at the winners since the caucus began in 1972 (1976 for Republicans). It looks like it picks a bunch of eventual nominees, but compare the years when it's competitive. By competitive, I mean there isn't an incumbent (ie Reagan, Clinton), a reigning VP trying to replace a President (ie Bush 1, Gore) or a party ordained nominee (Dole). That leaves three years (80,88,2000) that were competitive for Republicans and six for Democrats (72,76,84,88,92,04). Only once (2000) for Republicans and twice for Democrats (84,04) did the eventual nominee win Iowa. That means in a competitive year (like this year for both parties), there's a 66% chance the eventual nominee won't win Iowa. In fact, out of nine total competitive races for both parties, four eventual nominees (44% of the time) finished third or worse there. Tell me again why this friggin' state is so important?

However, there are still concerns about this election. Some people are so concerned that Obama will be assassinated (presumably because he's black) that they won't support him. Interesting. Wasn't Bill Clinton the first black president? No one took a shot at him. Well, outside of Hillary (and the rumor was she just used a lamp). Actually, if anyone shoots Obama, it will probably be Hillary if it looks like Obama is going to get the nomination.

On a lighter note, I've found out why women don't like the Three Stooges. A new study found that humor is a product of testosterone.

I mentioned in an earlier post that I give really crappy Christmas presents. I've found someone who does worse than me. A customer at a hot dog stand gave the proprietor a lottery ticket as a Christmas gift (or a tip) which showed she won $25,000 when she scratched it off. It was a fake.

Speaking of Christmas presents, a man in Tennessee is claiming that an MP3 player he bought for his daughter at Walmart was preloaded with porn. Now, when I saw he was waiting to talk to a lawyer, I figured it might be a scam. But, then I realized this is probably a common problem. My computer came preloaded with tons of porn on it. So much that I decided against trying to erase all of it.

Some may have read how a tiger escaped from it's enclosure at the San Francisco Zoo to get some payback at some taunters (maybe). It killed one person and seriously injured a couple more. Then the cops shot it because that probably seemed like a good way to stop the tiger from finishing off the other two. So, how does one of the moronic locals react? She protests that the cops should have waited for tranq guns before shooting the tiger. Strangely enough, my guess is her opinion may have been a bit different if she was the one being eaten.

Merry Christmas

Ah, the wonders of Christmas. To be honest, I was less tired at Christmas when I worked the night shift at Toys R Us than I am these days. Probably the travel. Leave on Thursday for Missouri, leave there for Madisonville, KY on Sunday, leave there on Monday for Louisville and back to Lexington on Tuesday night for work Wednesday. And yet I'm the lucky one since my brother left Madisonville for Alabama on Monday with three kids under the age of eight in tow. There's plenty to like about Christmas - tons of food, seeing the family, repetitive showings of A Christmas Story, listening to carols..........



but there are drawbacks. Mainly gift giving. I don't have a problem spending money on gifts, but I hate picking them out for other people. To begin with, I suck at buying presents. If no one tells me exactly what they want, there's going to be massive disappointment. Sure it's the thought that counts, but if it's a gift from me, the thought becomes "why the Hell did he give me this?". Secondly, it involves shopping which is one of my least favorite activities under normal circumstances. Add Christmas crowds to stores that routinely hire semi-retarded cretins and you have my vision of Hell on Earth. Well, that and a Dennis Kucinich administration. I'm perfectly willing to forgo presents to me in exchange for not having to buy them myself. Of course, there's not much altruism there. There is simply not much that I want for Christmas. If it's in a bottle or possibly wearing tacky, fishnet stockings, I might be OK with that kind of present. Otherwise, I'm unconcerned. And it's not that I have some hostility towards the commercialization of Christmas. After all, it is a birthday celebration (the commercialization of Easter is a completely different matter). I would just leave it mainly for the kids. Nothing says Christmas like watching your niece and nephews attacking a stack of presents like ravenous wolverines.

College Bowl Picks Part I

It's the bowl season. I'm not doing my picks based on point spreads, because I think it's nuts to bet on most bowl games. Too many variables screw up how they play out. Some teams have been off a month or more. Some teams are pumped to just be in a bowl, while others thought they would be in a better bowl and just may not be into it.

Instead of doing my bowl game picks all at once, I'm breaking it down into at least two sections. It might seem that I'm just being prudent by waiting until closer to game time to make selections. After all, the Fiesta Bowl has certainly changed with West Virginia's coach leaving for Michigan, and some Florida State players may end up suspended for the Music City Bowl. However, the fact is I don't have a lot of time at the moment, and bowl games start in two days. So, here are my picks for bowls between through December 30 (winners in italics):

Poinsetta Bowl (Dec 20): Utah vs. Navy - Navy lost their head coach to Ga. Tech, but kept their offensive coordinator who also specializes in the option. So offense should still be good. Utah's offense got a lot better as the season went on, but it still isn't in the same league as Navy's. Still, I'm picking Utah because their defense is a lot better than Navy's
New Orleans (Dec 21): Fla. Atlantic vs. Memphis - Memphis is hot after winning five of their last six games. Four of FAU's losses were to BCS conference teams. Their one conference loss was to LA-Monroe who also beat Alabama. Being the sentimental type, I'll go with former UL coach Howard Schnelleberger's FAU team.
Papajohns.com (Dec 22): Cincinnati vs. Southern Miss - I don't believe in karma, but Southern Miss deserves to lose for forcing out coach Jeff Bowers who has made them one of the most successful mid-major football programs in the country while spurning bigger name schools attempts to get him to leave. But I think they lose anyway because Cincinnati is a better team.
New Mexico (Dec 22): New Mexico vs. Nevada - This is a home game for New Mexico which is an edge. Nevada has a very potent offense which is an edge. I think the Mountain West Conference is better than the WAC. Add to that the fact that Nevada has a lousy defense and I'm taking New Mexico.
Las Vegas (Dec 22): BYU vs. UCLA - UCLA beat BYU in week 2, but they swooned after that, while BYU went on a roll. Outcome will be different this time.
Hawaii (Dec 23): East Carolina vs. Boise State - Odd to see the Hawaii Bowl without Hawaii. The bowl committee likes having them because most schools have trouble sending fans. I would like to pick East Carolina in this game because they knew they weren't taking any fans, so they set up a system for their fans to buy a ticket, get a commemorative souvenir ticket and have their seat given to a serviceman stationed in Hawaii. Still, I can't see them beating Boise State.
Motor City (Dec 26): Central Michigan vs. Purdue: Much like the Las Vegas Bowl, this is a rematch from earlier in the season. While Purdue thumped CMU then, there's evidence that the rematch could be different. Purdue's slumping, CMU is surging and it's a neutral site. I'm going with different.
Holiday (Dec 27): Arizona St. vs. Texas: While I think Texas is overrated, I think Arizona State has struggled in big games this year. Take Texas.
Champ Sports (Dec 28): Boston College vs. Michigan State - I'm not big on the ACC this year, but I don't think much of the Big 10 either, so in theory, the second best ACC team should be better than a mid-pack Big 10 team. However, this is the classic Happy To Be Here (Michigan St hasn't been to any bowl in 4 years) vs. Sucks To Be Here (BC was planning for the Orange Bowl). Still, I think BC has the talent to win this and will.
Texas (Dec 28): Houston vs. TCU - Truly is the Texas Bowl. Fortunately, I'll be back in town on the 28th so I can watch it (the folks don't have NFL Network). Houston can score, but not play defense. TCU can play defense, but can't score like Houston. Houston lost their coach. TCU underachieved this year. Still, it's an easy call. It's a de facto TCU home game, and they are tough at home.
Emerald (Dec 28): Maryland vs. Oregon St. - Oregon State finished third in the PAC-10, while Maryland was 6-6 in a weak ACC. Still, with wins over Rutgers and BC, Maryland is Jekyll and Hyde, so I'm not sure I would pick against them. On the other hand, it's a west coast game, so I think Hyde will show up. Take Oregon St.
Meineke Car Care (Dec 29): UCONN vs. Wake Forrest - Another de facto home game for one team - Wake. UCONN only beats weak teams on the road. However, Wake doesn't beat ranked teams this year, and UCONN is ranked 25. UCONN is kind of a fraud. They had no quality road wins. Going with Wake.
Liberty (Dec 29): Miss St vs. Central Florida - Yeah, Sylvester Croom...first black football coach in SEC.....coach of the year.....yadayadayada. Croom got coach of the year for exceeding expectations. Watch this for one guy - Kevin Smith. He can flat out run. Go with Central Florida.
Alamo (Dec 29): Penn State vs. Texas A&M - Penn State is usually tough in bowl games. Texas A&M finished the regular season by beating Texas. And firing their coach. Of course, they beat Texas to finish last season before getting spanked in their bowl. I don't think either team is very good, but I'll take Joe Paterno.
Independence (Dec 30): Colorado vs. Alabama - This would be a good game....if we were still in the early 90s. We're not. We've got two mediocre 6-6 teams. Colorado lost two of their last four. Alabama lost their last four including to Louisiana-Monroe. Bama isn't very good.

This Week's Update

Have I ever mentioned how much I hate sportswriters? Well, I've never liked Stephen A. Smith. Just because you scream a lot doesn't mean you are making a good point. He's now moved to the top of my list of most disliked sportswriter. Why? He launched a diatribe against people who write about sports on the internet. People like me. He says, "someone with no training should not be allowed to have any kind of format whatsoever to disseminate to the masses to the level which they can." Let me repeat part of it - "should not be allowed". I guess if Smith ever gets elected emperor then I'll have to go underground as I will be forbidden to write about sports. It's always nice when a reporter decides that the First Amendment only applies to him. So, I think I'll just tell Smith to go perform an obscene act on himself.

Besides, what training is Smith talking about? He mentions ethics, but there's been quite a run of unethical journalists in recent years. I remember when Pat Forde was suspended for six months from his Louisville Courier-Journal sports column for an ethical violation, but that didn't stop ESPN.com (Stephen A. Smith's employer) from hiring him. Does Smith think you have to have a Journalism degree to write about sports? Yeah, right. That just means he can compose a better sentence than me. That doesn't mean he knows what he's talking about. It is Stephen A. Smith who was being paid to cover the NBA draft, but was completely unprepared for some of the picks.

I think one of the best things about "untrained" people writing about sports on the internet is that they don't fall prey to the group mindset that reporters often fall into. How many stories seem to make "common knowledge" assumptions? Before the 2006 draft, everybody (and I mean everybody) in the press assumed Reggie Bush was the can't miss player and Houston was a bunch of idiots for passing on him. Well, some are now changing their tune. Actually, I know of one "untrained" person who questioned whether or not Reggie Bush would be anointed one. There also seems to be a lemming effect about who or what reporters mention. For years, they avoided all mention of the possibility of steroids in baseball. Then when it finally came out that there could be a story there, there were a lot of names mentioned in speculation, but some names (like Roger Clemens) never seemed to come up even if an "untrained" person wondered why. Strangely enough, the name Roger Clemens has now come up. Of course, I'm willing to bet that he denies it. I'm also willing to bet a lot of baseball writers will still believe him.

Should I be happy that a teacher from England was sentenced to 15 days in a Sudanese prison (since pardoned) for allowing her elementary schools students to name the class teddy bear "Muhammad" which some thought was an insult to Islam? I guess since she could have been sentenced to the lash and a lot of people (in and out of the Sudanese government) thought she should have been executed for it. Truthfully, I think she was an idiot. Not for letting the class name the bear, but for thinking she was involved with rational people in the Sudan. People like her and the politicians who went down there from England are enablers to the whole radical Islamic mindset. Look at the statements they made after she left the country. She apologized for causing "distress" and she didn't intend to offend anyone. WTF? The member of Parliament was concerned it would hurt relations between the countries (I'm always concerned with the relations between my country and psycopathic, murderous backwater regimes). I half expect Britain to apologize for this. Let me make my position crystal clear. I don't care if she did intentionally try to insult Islam by naming the bear Muhammad. Civilized societies don't threaten death on people for that. Name me the last time a "Christian" country put someone on trial for blasphemy against Christ? Or had thousands of people taking to the streets screaming for that person's death? We constantly condone this behavior from Muslims (well, I don't), but then act surprised when they continue to do crap like this (once again, I don't).

Let's face it. It has become routine for Muslims around the world to whip themselves into a lather over something trivial. It has gotten to the point that it's almost impossible to parody it. Sure, they'll ignore or justify antisocial behavior by their fellow adherents. Murder your daughter for the way she dresses. Hang children. Blow up a schoolbus. No reason to take to the streets over that. Now, a soccer uniform with a red cross on it. That's going to bring a lawsuit. And once again the press takes these people's complaints seriously. And so do their enablers. Instead of trying to come up with some excuse why this guy shouldn't be offended, how about using the truth to tell this guy why he shouldn't be offended? I'm tired of this PC revisionist history crap about the Crusades. Islam was spread throughout the Middle East by the sword. It began on the Arabian peninsula. Jerusalem is not on the Arabian peninsula. Muslims did not show up with Mayflower moving vans and buy houses in the Holy Lands. They invaded. The Crusades were a response to the invasion, and an attempt to keep Muslims from invading farther into Europe. Muslim hands were not clean during the Crusades (or prior to the Crusades). But if they want to claim offense about events from centuries ago, let's let others do the same. I think the Israelis should begin killing all Muslims in their territories as payback for Banu Qurayza. Sounds fair.

"Serial Killer Fed Prostitutes To Pigs". Normally, that title should tell it all. Man was convicted of killing six hookers or junkies (suspected of many more) he picked up and feeding them to his pig. I don't see why the "feeding to pigs" part of the story is such a big deal. He's probably an environmentalist who is just into recycling. Plus, they think he killed over 60 women, so you have to figure he doesn't have a lot of time to go pig feed shopping. I think it just shows the violent nature of Canadians. Actually, I'm not sure I'm as disturbed over his actions (hey, there are crazies everywhere) as by the jurors who should be somewhat normal. They convicted him for killing the six, but it was for "second degree murder, which means they did not believe the killings were planned." WTF? I might buy that if it was one dead hooker. I mean, who among hasn't accidentally killed a prostitute and fed her to livestock to hide the evidence? But once you have to use your off hand to count the victims, I think it's safe to assume some planning was going on.

Ah, another global warming conference. In a resort in Southeast Asia. Probably attended by a lot of people not in Southeast Asia. In fact, my guess is most came from Europe and the United States which is pretty far away. Wonder how much pollution they generated flying over? Oh, don't have to wonder anymore. I'll let you in on a little secret. There's this thing called web-conferencing where people can meet and discuss things without leaving their office. Oh well, at least it gives Al Gore a chance to make another speech blaming the U.S. for everything even if it's something he could have just put on Youtube. But Gore has to do this because the science is settled and all the scientists are in agreement. Even if it isn't, and they aren't. Hey, Al Gore can't worry about that. He's got to make some cash to keep up the lavish lifestyle he's become accustomed to.

Nice to see the Dutch are becoming big on disposable products. Too bad this case was about an adopted daughter. A diplomat and his wife adopted a baby Korean girl, and then decided she didn't fit their "lifestyle" when she became 7 years old, so they dumped her on the Korean community of Hong Kong even though she doesn't speak Korean. I'll let you in on a little secret. Just because you are born of a certain heritage doesn't mean you inherently know the language. At least these clods recognize the trauma involved. Well, their own trauma which I'm is much worse than that of a young girl abandoned by the only family she's ever known. I hope his next duty station is in New Guinea and he gets eaten by cannibals. How's that fit in your lifestyle, jerkass?

Will Smith says he wants to run for president. He's black and a Hollywood star. I wonder which party's nomination he'll go for? I see he's saying that George Bush hasn't created universal health care or ended homelessness. I guess he forgot neither happened in the previous eight years before George Bush became president. Or that since federal law forbids emergency rooms from evicting sick people, there is technically universal health care. Just not universal health insurance. But either way, a line from the article shows that Smith wouldn't be able to get through the primaries to gain the nomination. He says he doesn't believe Bush is evil. The Democratic base will not stand for someone who doesn't believe such a basic tenet of their party.

Rather bizarre story here. A Japanese man was going around spitting coffee on uniformed schoolgirls. He was apparently nicknamed "Coffee Bukake Man". If you don't know what bukake is, I'm not going to tell you. I will warn you not to do an internet search on the word from work. Interestingly enough, the last incident before he was caught took place on Pearl Harbor Day. Frankly, I'm shocked at this guy. Coffee is pretty expensive and shouldn't be wasted in such a way. When I'm with Japanese schoolgirls, I shower them with........well, let's move on to the next report.

Tony Parker and Eva What'shername have come out denying the claims of a French model (probable part time prostitute) that said she's been having an affair with Parker. Now, I don't really care (a pro athlete cheating on his wife isn't exactly news), but I'm angry with the alleged mistress. The who....er, model claims that Parker said "Eva, sexually speaking, does not want to do certain things." What certain things? Let him go backdoor? Invite a homeless woman in for a threesome? Wear Tim Duncan's jersey while they have sex? If you're going to mention that part of it, you have to give us details.

Since it's Christmas, I think a mention of toys would be appropriate. The Atari 2600 was recently inducted into the Toy Hall of Fame. I think it was well deserved. The graphics look like crap now, but at the time, they were stellar, especially since the previous game system, Pong, was two lines and a square ball. Actually, I played games on an even older system one summer when my mom brought home a PET computer from her school. It was before floppy disks which meant your games were stored on a cassette tape. Made it hard to find that Moonlander game.

Probably a good thing that the book showing how to make weaponized Lego toys wasn't around when I was working at Toys R Us. Probably would have been a lot of Lego Mindstorms crap in the RGD bins.

College Football Travesty

Unfortunately, I can't talk about UL getting a lesser bowl game as the travesty. UL didn't get a bowl game period and certainly didn't earn one. Weird feeling for the end of the year. It's the first time in eight years that I haven't been planning a trip somewhere for late December/early January. Whether Mobile, Memphis, Jacksonville or Miami, I was always going somewhere. Amazing what one wrong hire can do to you. From 12-1 with an Orange Bowl win to 6-6 even though the team had returned just about all of their offensive stars and a good chunk of the defense. Sad. I remember when UL had a really good football team. It was January. Oh well, at least I have my memories.



Now, the travesty is the Bowl Championship Series (BCS) that was supposed to decide a national champion. It routinely fails and this year was no exception. A couple of weeks ago Ohio State finished their season, and most thought they had no chance at the BCS Championship Game. Then Kansas, LSU, Missouri, and West Virginia all lost. Suddenly, Ohio State was back in because they only had one loss. Since the only undefeated team is Hawaii who played a really poor schedule (and didn't really look good in a lot of wins), most would assume Ohio State deserves a place in the BCS title game. I don't think they are that good, but I guess that's the system.

The interesting thing was the question of who they would play. Going into the last week, the BCS standings were headed by Missouri, WVU, Ohio St and Georgia. Missouri and WVU lost, and Georgia didn't play. So, did Georgia get the other spot? No way in Hell. Surprisingly voters actually put LSU ahead of Georgia. Makes sense. LSU also has two losses, and as a bonus, they actually won the SEC title game. Over Tennessee. Which means if voters had stuck with their usual inertia, Georgia would have stayed ahead of LSU and been in the BCS title game even though they didn't even win their division, let alone the conference. I was actually hoping Georgia would get in just to help bring down this stupid system.

However, does this mean they got it right? Well, not exactly. Why LSU? Kansas only has one loss. Of course, they didn't win their division or conference either, so no. There are several other two loss teams. Missouri and Arizona State didn't win their conference so toss them out with Georgia and Kansas. Virginia Tech won the ACC and has only two losses, but they lost to LSU earlier this year, so can't jump them. USC, West Virginia and Okahoma all won their conference with two losses. Heck, WVU and Oklahoma both lost their second game when their starting quarterback got hurt early in a close loss (WVU also lost QB Pat White in their first loss). Why should LSU get in ahead of them? LSU may have lost both their games in multiple overtimes, but they have looked shaky in just about all their games since September and were lucky to pull some of them out.

This is the big problem with the BCS versus a playoff. Too much of a snapshot at certain points in the season. Two years ago, the Steelers won the Super Bowl. They entered the playoffs as a 6 seed because they lost some games during the middle of the season. They lost those games when Ben Roethlisberger was hurt. By the end of the season, it was a totally different team. I think WVU can beat anybody with Pat White on the field, and he would be back for a playoff. Plus, I actually think Georgia would have beaten LSU in the SEC title game if they had played them. I think Georgia is a better team right now than LSU and would go farther in a playoff. The regular season has to count for something, but with so many possible teams, it's a joke to pluck just one out.

There's another problem that could result from the BCS system which has been alluded to at times, but doesn't get enough press - officiating. College officials are hired by the conferences. Conferences have a vested interest in getting their team into the BCS title game or as an at large in one of the other big money BCS bowls. As employees of the league, officials may make "judgement calls" in late season games to make sure the conference gets what it wants. Kansas coach Mike Mangino flat accused Big 12 referees of thinking about Texas' BCS chances when a very suspect late game pass interference call went against the Jayhawks. In the West Virginia/Pitt game, there were some very suspect holding calls against Pitt as WVU was trying to mount a comeback. I'm not saying the referees were consciously making those calls (Big East officials are notoriously incompetent), but as long as this system is in place, it's a distinct possibility.

Happy Thanksgiving

Start off with a turkey story. In New Hampshire, a turkey farmer has his birds drink beer to give them some weight. I don't really have a problem with that except it shows him giving the turkeys Coors. They're friggin' turkeys. Give them Milwaukee's Best. Actually, it's not that great of a story. It just gives me an excuse to again link to the greatest turkey moment in sitcom history.

On to other news. I'm sure all lawyers dream of getting appointed to their state supreme court so they can get cases just like this one. Who wouldn't want the power to decide if trying to hump a store mannequin is indecent exposure if he isn't trying to do it in front of other people? Now, I've been drunk and horny. In fact, I'm drunk and horny right now. However, I'm positive (well, mostly positive) that I've never reached the point of trying to get a little from a mannequin.

Down in Florida, some people reported seeing an orangutan running around in their woods. Wildlife officials got involved. They concluded it was a fox squirrel. Might think about bringing the DEA to that neighborhood. Here is a fox squirrel. And here is an orangutan. I can see where the confusion came from. Whenever I scratch myself in public, I inadvertently grope 16 year old girls. I get confused easily while doing that.

But at least I don't wear a nun's habit.

While I was wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, it's actually the day after which is when everyone goes shopping. Except me. The thought of fighting crowds like that drove me to the couch today. Well, that and laziness. Still, it means Christmas is here. Well, the fact that some stores were putting Christmas stuff up around Halloween should have already clued people in. And what comes with Christmas. Stories about political correct stupidity regarding Christmas. First was Australia where department store Santas were told to use Ha,Ha,Ha instead of Ho,Ho,Ho because a ho could be frightening to children (especially if she has herpes). Oh, and ho is a demeaning term for women in America. I'm sure those Santas were only a short step away from greeting children with a "Yo, bitch".

Then in England, a local school has decided to put Santa in green because the students might think of Coca-Cola. Let me repeat that. A school has decided not to put Santa in his normal red and throw away 200 years of history and tradition because students might think of a soft drink. WTF? How retarded are the people running this school? Why not ban the playing of soccer at the school because students might think of Umbros? When I think of commercialization at Christmas, Coke falls pretty low on the list. Oh, and it doesn't say much for the history department that the school really believes Santa in a red suit is the result of product marketing. Or say much for them that nobody bothered to check and find out they are full of crap.

I'll admit I don't really know too much about the music of Amy Winehouse. With my constant reading of news websites, I am well aware that she is English white trash. An unrepentant junkie who sings songs about not getting her junkieness fixed and has nervous breakdowns about her unrepentant junkie husband getting locked up. Oh, and her big ass hair freaks me out. Yet, I still can't bring myself to agree with the UN that her drug use is leading to instability in Africa.

In fact, I blame Africa's problems on Africa, especially after I read the story of the witchdoctor and the diesel fuel in Zimbabwe. Well, she is "spirit medium" which doesn't sound as backwards-ass as witchdoctor. But the backwards-ass is still there. This woman claimed she to be able to get diesel fuel from a rock which she did by hitting the rock with a stick. She just so happened to do it in front of a bunch of government ministers who turned around and gave her a bunch of money and took a year to figure out they had been fooled. The fact that these morons are running a country (into the ground) is why many parts of Africa are a basket case. There wasn't one skeptic in the bunch to actually take a closer look at the rockand notice a pipe? This wasn't a Jed Clampett story where oil was struck on the surface of the ground. These dumbasses actually believed refined fuel was coming out of the ground because she hit it with a stick.

Several men convicted of Madrid train bombings in 2004 have gone on a hunger strike. Frankly, I don't see the problem here.

I mentioned previously a man who was arrested for trying to get 911 to pick up some beer for him. Well, everyone had a good chuckle over that one, but this story out of Wisconsin shows the tragic results that can come about when a man doesn't get his emergency supply of beer. The guy was mad because his wife wouldn't bring him some more beer. So, he shoots one of their pet goats. I don't know why he's being charged with it. Goats are livestock (except in parts of the Middle East where they are sex objects). He should have just eaten it.

How sweet. Paul McCartney's gimpy soon-to-be ex-wife is forcing her way into the news by ripping into rich people. You know. Like her estranged husband, and herself if she gets the amount of money she's going after in the divorce. My first thought was surely she couldn't be so stupid that she thinks no one will recognize the hypocrisy in her position that five years of sex with an aging rock star should be worth $100 million. Then you read further and find that she thinks she's on par with great humanitarians from the past who were punished for their beliefs. And what are her beliefs? Well, she is a vegetarian, and everyone knows they face incredible persecution. Oh, and she seems to think that a mediocre model/soft core pornster/high priced call girl turned gold digger has some kind of moral authority. Exactly what did she ever do besides marry a former Beatle that would endear her to any segment of the population outside of fellow amputees in need of inspiration (if their aspirations are to marry someone very wealthy)?

Just The News

A man is in trouble for repeatedly calling 911 to ask them to bring some more beer to his house. I don’t see why he’s in such trouble. It was obviously an emergency. And what did they want him to do? Drive out and get it himself? That would have been irresponsible. Look what happened to this guy. He even had a designated driver. His drunken 13 year old son. This is just an example of poor parenting. My father never would have let this happen. I wouldn't have been allowed to go drinking with him until I could afford to chip in.

Those drunk asses were probably mourning what is about to happen in Tennessee. The state may end up destroying hundreds of bottles of Jack Daniels for being sold without a license. Some are antiques worth $10,000. Typical friggin' government. They'll probably try to raise taxes while destroying something valuable.

Best birthday ever. A mistake by an entertainment agency caused a stripper to be sent to school for a student’s birthday instead of the “gorillagram” ordered. What is a gorillagram and who would want one? Anyway, the stripper put the guy on leash and led him around the room after stripping to her underwear. It was only as she was trying to make the student rub some cream on her rear that the teacher stepped in and ended it. Which bring a couple of questions to mind. Did the stripper not realize she was at a high school and there could be a mistake? Did the teacher really need to wait until that point to put a stop to it?

Awhile back I wrote about the young woman who was almost thrown off a Southwest Airlines flight for wearing an outfit the stewardess deemed too revealing (it wasn't even close). Well, she's back in the news. She's profiting off the notoriety of the incident to get a Playboy spread. I think if she can get some money out of it, good for her. I think this could be an ongoing news report that I personally should keep up with. Maybe I should get a subscription to that magazine so I don't accidentally miss it. For research purposes only.

This story shows why I stopped picking nuns up in bars (other than the fear of burning in Hell). You have a little too much to drink. Your stuff doesn’t work. They jam something up it. If I had a dollar for every time this happened to me………

I’m not a Catholic, so whether they want to have female priest is entirely up to the Vatican. However, I find this story quite confusing. Some group of rabble rousing women is trying promote that cause by having themselves ordained into the Catholic Church. The fact that the Church doesn’t recognize those ordinations and in fact, may excommunicate them means to me that they aren’t really being ordained into the Catholic Church. That’s neither here nor there. What gets me is that a Jewish Reform congregation is allowing the ordination to be done at their synagogue. The article mostly deals with the fact that it will kill any working relationship people that synagogue and the local Archdiocese, but the bigger question is why would you allow your consecrated worship area to be used for a ceremony of a completely different religion?

Here’s a wonderful story. It’s another tale that explains why Johnny can’t read or do simple math. Our school systems are run by idiots. A kid wears a ghost costume for Halloween. Some people think it could look like a Klan outfit. He gets suspended for two days because in the words of the superintendent, “Whether it was meant to be a ghost costume or not, it was not interpreted that way.” So, basically, this school system suspended a student for two days because someone may misinterpret his costume? Am I the only one who thinks this is completely friggin nuts?

Whenever I see another story about a female teacher bumping nasties with an underage male student, I'm always struck by how different it is than when a male teacher drops one on a female student. First, female teachers don't seem to get the same level of punishment as a male teacher. Even better, they often play the victim and say they fell prey to a 13 year old romeo. The other difference is that male teachers appear to just want a little nookie. Female teachers seem to fall in love. With teenage boys. Maybe this is why Johnny can't read. His teacher is a hormonal wreck. Now, here's a different, yet interesting take on the latest teacher spreading for love.

I'll keep this story in mind the next time I hear some left wing Ivy League intellectual say he does support the U.S. troops. In the hometown of Harvard University, a local boy scout troop set up donation boxes at polling places to collect items for care packages for American soldiers. There was a complaint that these donation boxes were "pro-war" so they were removed. Apparently, sending Snickers to a soldier sitting in the desert is the height of militancy. The mayor is quoted as saying it was a mistake and the council will help them realize their goals. Translation: let's do something before we look like bigger horse's asses than we already do. Reminds me of a quote from William F. Buckley: "I'd rather entrust the government of the United States to the first 400 people listed in the Boston telephone directory than to the faculty of Harvard University."

Well, the military has said it is stopping the beard-shaving-as-punishment for captured terrorists at Gitmo because the Muslims were getting enraged by the humiliation. Oh, the horror of getting a shave. Let's see. We're talking about a group of people who like to cut people's heads off, subjugate non-males and non-Muslims, punish rape victims, issue death decrees against authors (among many others), blow up schoolchildren (among many others), fly planes into skyscrapers and many other less than wholesome pursuits. Frankly, I'm having trouble mustering too much sympathy for them getting their beards shaved. But if that's what is bothering them, fine. Next time they a bag of crap on a guard, don't cut off their beard. Break their arm. Now everyone is happy.

This Week In Sports

I was originally going to ignore UK basketball's little hiccup (okay, vomit might be a better word) against Gardner-Webb. Sure, it was embarrassing for the local team. Sure, it led to some funny moments at work the next day as UK fans overreacted. Really, the number of booze and sex related rumors that were being spread (remember, these were UK fans spreading the rumor, not me) were quite varied. The rumor that he's had multiple drunken pullovers without getting a DUI and ended up getting university supplied driver wouldn't be that surprising. He does have a history there. The sex rumors have certainly run the gamut. There's one about him getting caught picking up a hooker in an alley. I'm sure that would have already been out, but even if true, it shows poor judgment. He can afford much better than a street whore. Then, there was the rumor he preferred boys to girls which could explain his obsessive practicing. More practice = more showers. Most likely this would lead to a few problems among the UK fan base. The last rumor was that he picked up two 19 year old girls and tag teamed them at a hotel. Can't really think of anything else to say except "way to go, dude".

But I figured it still wasn't that big a deal. Sure, Gardner-Webb was a 9 win Atlantic Sun team last year that had no business beating a UK especially so handily. But I wrote after Tubby Smith left that due to a lack of personnel, I thought UK was going to struggle this year anyway (which is one of the reasons I thought Smith jumped ship) so my expectations for them were pretty low. I thought the fact that they were ranked to start the season was a joke. They weren't even receiving votes at the end of last year, and I didn't think they would any better this year. They lost their entire front line and top backup at center (for what the giant Pole was worth). When I saw that sophomore walk-on Mark Coury (he played 20 minutes last year - total) was starting, I thought someone was nuts. Then I realized there really wasn't anyone else. UK's interior is either young (Patterson) or sucks (the rest).

In fact, I wonder how bad this team would be without the freshmen. Patrick Patterson and Alex Legion are already two of the better players, but they are screwed by some of the returning players. Guys like Ramel Bradley and Joe Crawford are ball hogs who haven't seen a bad shot they won't take. God forbid they pass that up to give the ball to someone else. Maybe if Derrick Jasper ever gets back, there will be someone to pass the ball to Patterson who is probably their best player. The last reason I thought the loss to Gardner-Webb wasn't a big deal is Jodie Meeks was playing poorly. I think based on his play at the end of last year, UK's success could follow how well he plays. Oh wait, that could be a problem.

Well, Barry Bonds was indicted for perjury and obstruction of justice for lying before a grand jury investigating his steroid supplier. A lot of people thought he wasn't going to be charged, but they were wrong. Kind destroys his argument that his home run record wasn't tainted. But really, who honestly believed he was clean? The fun from the story was watching the talking heads "discuss" it on ESPN. Stephen A. Stupid claimed that the only reason a team wouldn't take a chance on Bonds now is his skills have declined, but if he was still a great player, someone would sign him. Brilliant. How's that federal indictment affecting Michael Vick's career? Then Charles Barkley was interviewed (always go to the basketball analyst when discussing a baseball player). Among his paranoid rantings was that Bonds was being persecuted because Jason Giambi wasn't indicted for steroids, but Bonds was. He was oblivious to the fact that Bonds hasn't been charged with using 'roids, just lying about his dealings with Balco. Word on the street is that Giambi spilled everything to the grand jury. Barkley also bitched that Bonds is being treated differently than other suspect players (he needs to ask Mark McGwire how is Hall of fame bid is going) and why is this steroid stuff only leaked on Bonds (Paul Byrd might have an argument with that). Barry Bonds is an arrogant, ass whose dirty deeds caught up with him.

In other baseball news, Alex Rodriguez just agreed to re-sign with the New York Yankees for 10 years and $279 million. That was in spite of George Steinbrenner's kids who run the team now saying they didn't want Rodriguez because he opted out of his contract (he had three years left) which proved he didn't really want to be a Yankee. Now the Steinbrenners are spinning that Rodriguez could have gotten more money on the open market so by taking less to re-sign, he's proven that he really does want to be a Yankee. Yeah, right. That's a load of bull. No one pays more than the Yankees. The other argument being thrown out is Rodriguez's agent Scott Boras screwed up by having him opt out because he overestimated the market for his client, and he's essentially getting what the Yankees were offering before the opt out. Boras didn't get what he hoped for, but he came out the better even though it might not have been as good for Rodriguez. The Yankees were offering to extend him to ten years for about the same total. Now, Boras gets his percentage based on the new 10 year deal instead of a seven year extension. When you consider how much 3% of $80 million is, Boras is ahead.

I have decided who the Heisman Trophy winner should be. Dennis Dixon of Oregon. Even though he may never play another college game after injuring his knee against Arizona. Oregon was rolling with him, but after he got hurt, they turned to crap. Of course, when you are forced to turn to Ryan Leaf's little brother, you've got problems.

A few years ago, Cincinnati Bengals fans were coming out of the woodwork in Lexington. Where have they all gone?

Some nutbag woman drove through a security gate at Gillette Stadium and ended up with her car left on a New England Patriots' practice field. Man, some people go crazy in an attempt to get impregnated by Tom Brady.

OJ Simpson is going to trial for armed robbery against a sports memorabilia seller. His response "As always, I rely on the jury system." Makes sense. If a jury is willing to let a little thing like murder slide, they'll be open to acquitting him on armed robbery. And hopefully soon. OJ needs to get out to the golf course and find the real robber.

Monday Night News

Remember. Election day is tomorrow (at least in Kentucky) if you're a Republican. If you're a Democrat, it's on Wednesday.

It's bad timing for me since I'm an election officer and have to be at the precinct at 5:30 in the morning. What sucks is the Steelers are playing on Monday night, but I'll only get to watch the first part of it.

An 83 year old World War II vet in Milwaukee was convicted of trying to hire a prostitute. I'm pretty curious what the sex act was that he was willing to pay $20 for and apparently able to perform. Actually, I'm a little disappointed with the jury for convicting. Sixty years ago, this man stood on the ramparts of freedom and democracy defending this great country against the rampaging socialist horde. If he wants a little nookie and is willing to pay for it, I think that's the least we can do for him.

At least he wasn't trafficking cocaine like this 93 year old man. This is who I would buy my drugs from. I could probably give him a $2 bill and claim it was a $20.

In other crime news, 75 yard gnomes were allegedly stolen and dumped in someone's front yard. I say allegedly because we don't know they were actually stolen. For all we know, those gnomes walked there themselves. They're sneaky bastards.

My favorite story of the week. An assistant high school coach and cheerleading coach at an Ohio high school were fired for taking a picture of a topless 15 year old cheerleader and posting it on the web. You know, I'm really past the point of laughing at such stupidity on their part. "Let's throw a party, invite a high school freshman, get her to pose topless, and post the picture on the internet. What could go wrong?" No, what gets me about this story is that it says the two coaches were 19 years old. Why would a high school hire assistant coaches a year out of high school? And why did the report name the football coach, but not the cheerleader coach?

EDITOR'S UPDATE - Found an update on the cheerleader story (with video). This one does include the cheerleading coach's name. And I had assumed that the football coach took the picture of the 15 year old, but I was incorrect. The cheerleading coach took the picture of both of them with their ta-tas hanging out. I'd like to hear her explanation for what she was thinking then. And maybe some more details about what went on after that picture was taken. You know because it's news.

You've got to be careful with pictures and crap that you take. A former NFL player could lose his job as a high school hall monitor because he had two nude pictures on his cell phone which he lost and a student found. Now, my first thought was "you're worried about a job as a hall monitor?" Then I realized he needs that job to coach there. This whole thing is ridiculous. They weren't nude pictures of students (one report said one was a picture of himself which is a whole other issue) nor was he showing them around, so what business is it of the school that he had them? Actually, they should suspend the bastard student for "finding" the phone and trying to pawn it even though he knew whose phone it was.

A couple of rich folks up in New York abused their servants by beating and starving them. Well, not completely starving them because they would make them eat a bunch of chili peppers washed down with chili powdered salt water until they threw up. Hey, what's the point of having servants if you can't do things to make them vomit?

Okay, we’ve got a guy who lost his leg in a plane crash, but kept the leg. In a barbecue smoker. I’m assuming he had no plans to use that smoker for cooking anymore. I hope. Then he forgot about it and all his crap in a storage locker was auctioned when he didn’t pay his bill. And now the guy who bought the contents of the locker wants the leg back too so he can charge people to see it. I’m torn here. On one hand, I can’t believe someone wants to display an amputated leg for money (or that very many people would pay to see a mummified leg), but at the same time, the guy did buy whatever was in the locker. Why shouldn’t he get it back? You don’t want to lose your leg, don’t keep it in a storage locker. Or at least pay the bill. There have been cases of people who hid their murder victim in a storage facility and got caught because they stopped paying the bill and the contents were auctioned off. If you are going to store a dead body in a rental facility, shouldn’t be the first bill you pay every month?

A medical study just came out that says Karl Marx suffered from a skin disorder that leads to alienation which probably affected his writings. It leads to skin problems (leaking pus, boils, blackheads) on your butt and private parts. So, a political philosophy that led to the death of millions of people in the last century came about because some guy had boils on his junk.

And finally, a few stripper stories. Is this something new? A stripper at a baby shower? Women better watch out or guys will start including strippers on their (formerly) mundane get-togethers like pre-work breakfasts, business lunches, after work happy hours, dinner, Sunday school, kid’s football games, and bar mitzvahs.

Or a college graduation. A man says his son was defrauded out of $53,000 at a strip club because he told them not to go above $600 but they kind of did. I am curious. It says he bought 19 bottles of champagne "between $150 and $2000". Let's assume $2000 each. That's $38,000 max for champagne. How much do they charge for a lapdance? I'm not sure who is stupider. The son wasn't too bright to not keep an eye on his tab. But I think the Dad was even stupider. First, if you are setting a $600 limit, give him cash. Second, if you do decide to give him a credit card, make it one with a limit. Mine would crap out long before it go to that point.

Finally, there's a virus going around on the internet to allow spammers to sign up fake email addresses. A picture of a hot babe pops up and says she'll strip as the user types in jumbled figures. My question is why would you play a striptease game that suddenly "pops up" on your screen? Gee, that doesn't sound dangerous at all? You've got the internet. If you're that hard up for pictures of naked chicks, it's not that tough to find some. Or so I've heard.

News Update

This could just be a straight up, preacher gone wrong tale, except it's better. A pastor from Bristol, TN got busted in Johnson City, TN (check my news reports 10/4 to see what else is going on in Johnson City) after he offered to go down on some cops and then took a leak at a car wash. Outside. Oh, he was also wearing a denim skirt which means Southwest Airlines would not have let him fly. The best part is he apparently drank half a bottle of Vodka, but only tested .08 blood alcohol content. And claims he was too intoxicated from that to know why he was wearing a skirt. Wuss. When I wash down a bottle of narcotics with Vodka, I still know why I'm wearing a skirt. It makes me feel free down there.

Of course, that guy wasn't willing to go whole hog like the principal from Bardstown who got busted for hanging around a high prostitution area in Louisville while dressed like a woman. He went so far as to wear fishnet stockings and fake breasts. At first I was happy to finally know where the hookers hang out in Louisville (for research purposes only). However, if that's what you pick up there, I'll pass. He would make one ugly looking woman.

A new celebrity sex tape may be set to hit the market. Amy Fisher's estranged husband sold one of their sex tapes to some porn distributor while they were busted up. Now, they are reconciled and Amy is angry. It's nice to see there's some white trash on Long Island. She reconciled with a guy who sold a tape of their more intimate moments. As for the guy buying it, why? Fisher is old news, and not really attractive enough to make me want to watch. Sure, back when she was 17, watching her in a sex tape would have been good viewing. For the celebrity aspect, not because she was only ..........never mind.

Local hunter took a picture of some strange looking animal, and Bigfoot researching moron declared it looked like "a juvenile Sasquatch" which is an interesting observation since no one has ever seen a real Sasquatch, let alone a juvenile one. That's because they don't exist. Someone with at least a minimum level of intelligence says it's a bear with mange.

In a loosely related story, a hunter in West Virginia says he saw an African lion wandering around the woods up there. And some guy wants it trapped rather than shot. I don't think it's a lion. It's probably just a local hilljack with mange. While I'm not opposed to someone shooting him, I do know how to trap him. Just find his little sister, put her in crotchless pants and he'll catch the scent in a heartbeat.

In political news, Hillary Clinton bombed in the latest debate and it's all Tim Russert's fault. Poor baby was being picked on by the other candidates and that meanie Russert who had the gall to actually ask her tough questions. This is why I'm loath to vote for a female candidate. She's being attacked by her opponents because she's the front runner. Would it make sense for John Edwards to go after Bill Richardson? No, you take down the person ahead of you in the polls. So, what does Hillary do? She plays the poor-little-woman card. If you're not tough enough to take it in high stakes politics, run for school board.

There were a lot of concerns about why Dennis Kucinich's only question was if he had really seen a UFO over Shirley MacLaine's house as she wrote in her book. Well, duh. That would probably be the least nutty thing he would say in a debate. I think this guy still believes he was a good mayor of Cleveland even though the city went into default while he ran it (he's the only former mayor whose picture doesn't hang at city hall).

The one question that I thought should have been asked was about their stand on the new pumpkin tax in Iowa which just happens to be where the first caucus will be held. Proving that tax departments have never met an item that they couldn't, wouldn't or shouldn't tax; Iowa is now taxing pumpkins because they are decorations rather than food even though it's technically produce. Based on that, can I write off booze as a medical expense since I drink to cure stress? That and to get drunk. Actually, that would have been a silly question for the Democratic debate. They've never met a tax they didn't like, so they would approve. And then turn around and request a farm subsidy for pumpkin farmers.

Sad story out of the world of tennis. Martina Hingis is retiring from the game because she was "falsely" accused of testing positive for cocaine. Really, who among us has not lost a job because of a "false positive" for blow? I'm glad someone is standing up to man and protecting the rights of pseudo-athletes everywhere. You know, while Hingis was never listed among the "hotties" of tennis, I would have done her..........I mean, she was excellent at whacking a fuzzy ball around.

Hilary Swank had her hair cut on Oprah Winfrey's show. I thought this was a good thing because women who look that much like a man should only have long hair if they have a mullet. Besides, I thought she should have cut her hair off a long time ago so that nobody would recognize her from The Core - one of the worst movies ever made.

In other celebrity news, Paul McCartney's one-legged ex-whor ......wife is now saying that Paul was the reason their marriage broke up. I think Paul's money was the whole reason the marriage happened in the first place. Long John Mills also says she would have walked away with nothing if Paul had just admitted that it was all his fault. Raise your hand if you believe that. Actually, if you believe that, send me money (cash, no checks) for a PR campaign to rehabilitate Heather's image.

Hey, Lance Armstrong is dating one of the Olsen twins. They say it's Ashley, but how do we really know. Maybe she decided riding 100 miles a day on a bike will help her lose weight better than throwing up dinner. Okay, that's cold. They make a cute couple and Bob Saget should be proud.

A bunch of Namibian villagers (68 to be exact) got sick from eating a diseased dog. Now, I'll let the fact they were eating a dog slide. I only question the political intelligence, morals and languages of low brow heathen countries, not their eating habits. Except the French. And possibly the Russians if I could figure out exactly what they eat. In this case, I do have one question. How big was that dog to the point that 68 people could eat enough of it to get sick?

Modern parenting. Some Nebraska bimbo apparently decided to improve her relations with her cheerleader daughter by pulling the school van that she was driving next to an SUV so her daughter could lean over to a speeding vehicle to get a beer. I guess her next move to prove she's "cool" is to have a menage with her daughter's boyfriend. I think it's a cheerleader thing. Send me an email if you want a link to a dirty site with a University of Louisville cheerleader getting a little dirty.

The Weekly World News (My Version)

I probably shouldn't sit here and bitch about how Steve Kragthorpe has ruined UL's football season this year. So, I'll stand and bitch about it. This guy is killing me. Going for 12-1 and an Orange Bowl to 4-3 against the weak part of the schedule is bad enough, but now the coach and athletic director are saying it's a rebuilding year. Funny, that never came up when I got the letter to renew my season tickets. Things have gotten so bad that I got banned on the Cardinal Sports Report message boards for quoting Burt Reynolds from Smokey and The Bandit, "do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?" to a moderator. Personally, I think he overreacted.

It was a sad day in the world of football when news came that Max McGee had died falling off his roof where he was blowing something, probably leaves. McGee was known for scoring the first touchdown in Super Bowl history. He was also known for being hung over when he did it because he didn't think he was going to play. I've always felt one of his most important contributions was Chi-Chi's Mexican Restaurant. When I was a young lad in college, I had very little money. Chi-Chi's had free chips and salsa. So, I could drink beer and load up on chips and salsa.

The obligatory prostitute story. Some white trash whore in upstate New York was busted for hooking and using drugs. She brought her two young children along for the ride. In fact, they were in the back seat while she was playing Electrolux with a couple of her customers. Personally, if I was her john (and I wasn't; I don't even know where Schenectady is), I would have been appalled. At least put the kids in the trunk or something.

Prostitute story from the pimp side. James Lipton of Inside The Actor's Studio was a flesh peddler in Paris before hitting it big. Or whatever Inside The Actor's Studio means on the success scale. The obvious comment would be on how his previous job led to Hollywood, but that's too easy.

When I read that it's been revealed that Dumbledore was gay, my reaction was "who the Hell is Dumbledore?". I missed the Harry Potter books because ....what's the concept......oh yeah, I hit puberty and fantasy reading became the Penthouse Forum over some book about warlocks and witches. Oh, and by the way, Dumbledore really can't be gay. He's a ficitional character. He's really nothing.

In another story containing witch-like substances, some dude got busted for tearing up a Halloween display. The owner wasn't sure why he tore up her stuff. Well, duh. He was drunk. Who among hasn't gotten smashed, seen ghosts and destroyed private property?

When I first read the story about the earmark that "the Senators from the great state of New York" had requested to give $1 million to a museum dedicated to Woodstock, I thought it was well deserved. Sure, he's a side-kick that doesn't say anything, but he was an integral part of Peanuts. Then I realized they were talking about that hippie music festival back in the 60s. What's the million bucks for, to recreate the smell? Even worse, the guy asking for it is a billionaire. Pay for that crap yourself, hippie-lover.

A monsignor of the Vatican was suspended for telling some TV show that he "didn't feel like he was sinning" by engaging in gay sex. So, the vow of celibacy only counts if you want to bump nasties with a woman?

I pretty much forgot my college German. Can someone translate what Wanken die Winky means?

See? This is what happens when we let clowns run lose in society. Well, that and Shakes The Clown, but that was a funny movie. And made us forget that Bobcat Goldthwait was in Police Academy 4. And in turn, somehow dated Nikki Cox and her massive mammary glands.

Boy, this is a great story. Guy has carnal relations with Britney Spears and records it. Yet, he can't show it to anyone because his performance wasn't up to his standards. Right. I think I will call BS on him having such a tape. Sure, nailing Britney is no longer seen as an accomplishment and taking advantage of a wackjob may seem like something to be looked down upon. However, it's still worth money and who cares how inadequate you perform on an amateur porn tape. No one is watching it for you.

Some DJ is in a bit of trouble in Detroit because he was going to have a party and let "light skinned" black women in for free. The big complaint centers around some historical division between light skin and dark skinned blacks. Here's another thought. Letting someone into a party based on the color of their skin while charging others is illegal. So, even if he included dark skinned black women in the free admission, it still would have been against the law.

Here's one of my favorite type stories. Yale Law School tried to forbid military recruiters on campus for political reasons. Unfortunately for them, Congress passed a law saying if you want government funds, you've got to let recruiters on campus. Yale Law sued and lost. My favorite part is a professor complaining that "we obviously wish the government wasn't forcing discrimination on us." Guess what? Yale is a private educational institution. Nobody's forcing anything on you. To me, it would seem hypocritical of someone to bash the military, but accept millions of dollars from them for research into more military activities. The biggest example of that would be Noam Chomsky. He's been one of the biggest left-wing campus radicals for years. Yet, for all his anti-military blather, his career and research have been underwritten by the Department of Defense for most of it. I guess the military industrial complex is evil until they sign your paycheck.

News of the Week

I shouldn't criticize UK fans for what happened after their big win over LSU. I should let them bask in the moment which are usually few and far between for UK football. However, I saw a story in the paper the next day which showed where a couch was burned in the street. That is the damn near patented celebration technique of West Virginia Brokeback Mountaineer fans. I got a copy of the Morgantown rag as I was heading back to Kentucky after the UL/WVU clash two years ago, and it said there were 20 cases of arson reported that involved a burning couch. It makes me really lose respect for the UK fans when they decide to emulate the most low rent fanbase in the country.

Food for thought. Cop goes into a McDonalds. Eats a burger that accidentally had a lot of salt on it. Gets sick. Blames it on the salt. Excuse me? It’s McDonalds. The thought of most of their food makes me sick. I would need a pound of salt on my burger just to make it edible. Oh, and then he arrests the girl who cooked the burger. I’ll ignore the obvious question (asked by the cook) of why he kept eating a burger that was making him sick. I’d really like to know if Fulton County’s crime problems are so small that sending the leftover part of a burger to the crime lab is really the proper response to this.

Of course, he might be thinking McDonalds is ripe for a lawsuit with the recent case up in Shepherdsville where the victim of a hoax was awarded over $6 million after someone claiming to be a cop called the restaurant and told them to strip search her. Well, not to blame the victim, but if I had a manager anywhere tell to take my clothes off, there would be an issue. Just to be clear to all my readers, your employer (especially a first line manager) cannot make you take your clothes off unless your a stripper and it's part of your contract. The worst part of this episode is that the assistant manager who made her strip got over a million because the jurors thought McDonalds should have told her specifically (it was in the manual) not to strip search employees or let her boyfriend get a hummer. Well, the jurors were stupid. I'm not expecting geniuses to be assistant managers at McDonalds, but a cook and the illiterate maintenance guy didn't fall for it.

Another food story. This guy was charged with assault for hitting his dad in the face with a bag of Cheetos while hopped up on meth. Obviously, if he was smoking pot, no way would he have let go the bag of Cheetos.

This is a near tragic story. These two girls just wanted to show some school spirit, so they did a full over body paint and went to a football game. They were thrown out even though male students painted up were allowed to stay. This is an injustice that should not be……….wait a minute……..I just saw that picture of the students. They were wearing bikini tops. What kind of school spirit is that? I thought they were topless. If they weren’t willing to go whole hog for the team, they should have been thrown out.

This is a follow-up to the story I wrote about a few weeks ago where a bunch of male cops and one female were involved in a sex scandal in the Grand Rapids Police Department. Well, it has been resolved. And it was a gangbang. The one female dispatcher was apparently doing at least six guys at the station. That girl had an itch.

The sad story of Madeline McCann (Okay, I'm assuming it's sad, I hadn't really followed it that much) took a turn when the police started investigating her parents. Now, her mother is claiming that she's being persecuted by the police, and the reason is her breasts aren't large enough. I can't really argue with her reasoning because I'm a lot more forgiving of large breasted women.

Speaking of breasts, a dentist is in trouble for massaging the breasts of his patients. He's claiming that it's accepted practice that doing this can help alleviate a jaw condition. Once again, I can't argue with the reasoning because when I grope a girl in public, I routinely claim I'm trying to relieve stress (I just don't tell her it's my stress). Actually, the best part of the story is where a woman says she was fondled six times in the last two years and took to wearing tight shirts to keep him out which didn't work. Once again, not to blame the victim, but if you have been fondled by your dentist to the point you change what you wear to see him, shouldn't it occur to you to go to a different dentist?

I classify this story as "bizarre". Then I realized it was Norway and long winters lead to insanity. Some pre-school "expert" (Norwegian for crank) is saying pre-school children should be allowed to display their sexuality by dancing naked and playing with themselves openly at school. When I did that in kindergarten, I got in trouble. Of course, I was 28 at the time. Granted, they do want limits put on this, like no masturbation during lunch. That's good, because that could lead to some serious trouble. I found that out at a Subway last year.

Here is another good one. Some chef named Anthony Bourdain is ticked off at celebrity TV cook Rachael Ray for endorsing Dunkin Donuts. My natural assumption was that he realized Krispy Kreme makes better donuts, but that wasn't the case. He was worried about the children. Aren't they always worried about the friggin' children? Bourdain is concerned because Ray is influential with children. WTF? How is some TV cook influential with children? I've only heard of her because she's a hottie who was in FHM magazine once. What kind of child watches cooking shows?

I was unaware that Garth Brooks was still alive. I was even more unaware that people were still willing to spend money to watch him sing.

In a football related post, a Baylor assistant was arrested for taking a leak on the bar of a Waco drinking establishment. It's Waco. I figured that was legal. Plus, at a bar called Scruffy Murphy's, I figured it was expected.

Well, I never needed a team of researchers to tell me that Jessica Alba’s got a little wiggle in the walk. I’m sure every mathematician there was scrambling to get on this research team. “Let’s see, I could spend all day looking at esoteric formulas or watch hot women walk with an in depth focus on their rear? Gee, what will I do?”

When they were burning a couch down at UK, I figured it was another protest over a Kentucky Kernel editorial cartoon. I hadn't really paid much attention to that story because the Kernel showed some real journalism credibility (or lack of) by refusing to let anyone republish it even though it was a major news story (plus college newspapers have about as much journalism as the sports page). Then Joel Pett of the Lexington Herald-Leader cleverly included a re-drawing of it in his own editorial cartoon, so I could see it. And also ran a column by a Kernel editor who quit when they wouldn't let him defend his decision to run it. The column was pointless the moment the schmuck said the cartoon led to "conversation" about race relations. "Conversation" in place of debate or discussion is the new buzzword of the clueless.

I wouldn't have run the cartoon. Not because I fear offending anyone, but because the cartoon made no sense. You've got a slave auction with a black guy being bid on by three fraternity with white supremacists names. Was there a point to offend blacks? Doubtful any college newspaper would try to make that point. Sure, there were slavery images which supposedly are offensive, but considering how much the black civil rights leaders use slavery images, I don't see that as really offensive. Was it designed to go after the Greek system's lack of diversity? Knowing the mindset of college newsmen, probably, but it still doesn't make sense. If lily-white fraternities didn't want black members, why would they be bidding on one at an auction? This almost seems to be critical of a black student who would join a white fraternity and possibly go for the "best deal" to pledge. Of course, I doubt the cartoonist would be clever enough to think of that. So, why run a cartoon that doesn't make sense?

Contrast it with the one that the Daily Wildcat at the University of Arizona ran. A caption about a Jewish customer tipping too little after a meal. It's pretty obvious that the point of the cartoon is that Jews are lousy tippers. Which isn't true. Everyone knows women are the worst tippers. Of course, the big question is why a college newspaper felt the need to editorialize against cheap, Jewish restaurant patrons.