BCS Bowls

Rose Bowl (Jan 1): Penn State vs. Southern Cal - This is called the Granddaddy of them all or some such stuff. I think it’s a load of crap, because it was the last major bowl to agree to the BCS system because they were so wedded to the Big Ten/PAC 10 matchup. Well, look at the list of Rose Bowls. I watch a lot of college football. The two best Rose Bowls I ever saw were Texas over Southern Cal and Michigan in back to back seasons. You might notice that Texas is not in those two conferences. The last Rose Bowl that included PAC 10 versus Big Ten and was worth watching was the 1998 Michigan win over Washington State. So, not having that matchup was helpful to the Rose Bowl, but we’re back to the PAC 10 versus Big Ten. Now a lot of people are expecting Southern Cal to beat down Penn State because the Big 10 has been absolutely hammered by opponents in recent BCS bowl games. However, there’s a couple of things that make it could be closer. Penn State’s offense was just as good as USC’s, and I don’t think PAC 10 defenses are a lot better than Big 10 ones. However, people think USC’s offense is disappointing so it’s not saying much to say Penn State is as good. Penn State squashed Oregon State who beat Southern Cal. However that was a road game for Southern Cal and home for Penn State. Plus, Southern Cal destroyed Ohio State who Penn State barely beat. Still, it does show that this really could be an even matchup. The X-factor could be Joe Paterno. Sure, he’s past his prime, but he’s still got one of the best bowl game winning percentages (23-10-1). Even lately, he’s still 9-2 since joining the Big 10 in 1993. Still, I think playing Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl is too much. Penn State’s offense isn’t really better than the Trojans. And I don’t think their defense is near as good. Southern Cal probably has the best defense in the country this year. So, I think Big 10 struggles in BCS games will continue.

Orange Bowl (Jan 1): Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech - Cincinnati just does whatever it takes to win. Sure, I could pick them to win because Louisville plays in the Big East. However, the Big East has won their last three BCS games (one of which I attended). I can’t remember the last BCS game the ACC won. So, while I wouldn’t necessarily take Cincinnati over most of the other BCS teams, I’ll take them over Virginia Tech any day. I think they got lucky to catch Georgia Tech early because Georgia Tech is better now than Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech still has the solid defense, but Cincinnati does just fine on that side of the ball. I really don’t see any Tech offensive player that I find that frightening. I know Cincinnati has a couple of really good receivers in Marshwan Gilyard and Dominick Goodman. Sure, Tech has a better running game, but I think that is more likely to keep the game close. Unfortunately for them, Cincinnati has a habit of winning close games. Plus, I didn’t care too much for the ACC this year.

Sugar Bowl (Jan 1): Alabama vs. Utah - Ah, the BCS buster against the old school SEC team. For the second time, Utah has finished undefeated and given a chance to play in a BCS bowl. They won the last time but it was against Pitt at the time the Big East was reorganizing. However, Boise State also won their BCS trip two years ago. Of course, Hawaii got thumped last year in the Sugar Bowl. However, that Hawaii team was nowhere as good as this year’s Utah team. And there is a lot to like about Utah’s chances. I like their quarterback, Brian Johnson, a lot. If they can keep pressure off him, he can do some stuff. If they can’t, Utah is screwed because they don’t have much of a running game. Bama does have a good running game, but a weak quarterback. That could be a problem because their best offensive lineman just got suspended. And Utah is good against the run. So, if Utah can get some offensive scoring, they’ve got a shot. It’s not like Alabama has been a juggernaut. Yes, they won all their games until Florida, but they didn’t wow you too much. They thumped obviously overmatched teams and struggled against some mediocre ones. So, if they let Utah have an opening, it could be a problem for them. So, am I willing to pick Utah? No. I’ll go with Bama. I think their defense is just too strong. In fact, I think it Alabama does blow out Utah, it’ll be like their win over Georgia. Defense got them rolling with turnovers and good field position and Georgia just couldn’t catch up.

Fiesta Bowl (Jan 5): Texas vs. Ohio State - Did I mention how little respect I have for the Big Ten? The word I’m hearing is that Ohio State should have a good game because they’ve won their last four Fiesta Bowls. Well, one was in 1984. One was against a bad Notre Dame that had no business being there. One was a decent Kansas State team. One was a win over Miami aided by a BS pass interference call in overtime. Basically, those wins don’t mean anything to me. What I look at is the fact that the last two times Ohio State has faced a team with speed, they got thumped. Now, maybe this time will be different because the pressure of a national title game won’t be there. Ohio State did keep it close against Penn State, but the only other quality team they played was Southern Cal and they got thumped. Texas has only one loss. That was at the last minute to another one loss team on the road with a great play made. I think Texas has as much business being in the title game as Oklahoma. So, I certainly don’t think they’ll lose to Ohio State.

BCS Title Game (Jan 8): Florida vs. Oklahoma - This is an interesting game. I could see it being a great game with a close score. I could see it being a blowout by either team. It's the two best conferences matched up. I think the Big 12 is certainly better this year. Does that mean I think Oklahoma will win? Not necessarily. Against any other team in the SEC, sure. Florida? That's a tough call. I think Florida is a whole lot better than the rest of the SEC. I can't say that about Oklahoma and the Big 12. Since losing to Mississippi, Florida dominated until they got challenged by Alabama in the title game. But at the same time, Oklahoma has only had one team within 22 points since losing to Texas and that included an undefeated Texas Tech. I think Florida has a great defense, but I'm really impressed by Oklahoma's offense. They have scored over 61 points in six straight games. That's impressive. It's an interesting case. I don't think Oklahoma had to face such a defense in the Big 12, but I don't think there was an offense even remotely this good in the SEC. I have to go with the six straight 61 point games.

January Bowls (Non-BCS ones)

Outback Bowl (Jan 1): South Carolina vs. Iowa - Quite frankly, I don't like either team. Iowas is in the Big Ten which stinks. But South Carolina's best win was over Mississippi. They only beat Wofford by 10. In their last two games, they lost by a combined score of 87-20. Granted one lost was by 50 to Florida, but the other was Clemson by 17. As much as I don't like Iowa, I have to go with them because they had no loss by more than 5. They won five of their last six including Penn State's only loss. Their last game was a 55-0 win over Minnesota so they're on a hot streak. Plus, that win was the game where some married chick got a good rogering in a bathroom stall.

Capital One Bowl (Jan 1): Georgia vs. Michigan State - Georgia's defense was shockingly bad. Still they only had three losses and none were bad. Michigan State only had three losses, but two were by at least 31 points. They have no impressive win at all. And they're in that suck ass Big Ten so I'm taking Georgia.

Gator Bowl (Jan 1): Clemson vs. Nebraska - I have no idea about this one. There's nothing to really like about either one. Both had to win late games to get to the bowl game. None have a win of note. Probably going to be one of those games where the team happiest to be there wins. Clemson got back on track after firing their coach, so I'll take them.

Cotton Bowl (Jan 2): Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss - A one loss Big 12 school against a four loss SEC team. Hmmmm. I guess Ole Miss could win, but I doubt it. Sure they beat Florida this year, but they also lost to Wake Forest, South Carolina and Vanderbilt. Plus, Houston Nutt had a 2-5 bowl record at Arkansas. It's not like I expect him to suddenly rise up here. Texas Tech only loss came to Oklahoma, and they've won 5 of their last 6 bowl games. Besides, they're just friggin' better.

Liberty Bowl (Jan 2): East Carolina vs. Kentucky - Damn. I was hoping UK fans would get to freeze like I used to at the Liberty Bowl, but the temperature is supposed to get to 50 although that will probably be before game time. Still, in the 40s is better than 20 degrees and freezing rain. As for the game, East Carolina beat Virginia Tech and West Virginia and finished winning 6 of their last 7. UK didn't beat a single team to finish with a winning record. They still won't.

International Bowl (Jan 3): Connecticut vs. Buffalo - I'm sure everyone had this one marked on their calendars. Got to give Buffalo credit. I didn't think they'd beat Ball State. But they did. Still, Connecticut has a good defense and a strong rushing game which should be enough.

GMAC Bowl (Jan 6): Ball State vs. Tulsa -Went to this bowl game twice. Mobile is a pretty nice city. The bartender at Hooters was two days from having labor induced. That was weird. Ball State's coach took another job and won't coach in the bowl game. At this point, I don't know who will be. Therefore, I'm picking Tulsa.

Bowl Picks Through New Year's Eve

Independence Bowl (Dec 28): No. Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech -I liked this bowl so much better when Weedeater sponsored it because people called it the Weedwhacker Bowl. It's really odd to see this matchup because recently this game paired SEC versus Big 12 every year. Granted, it was the bottom of the barrel teams from those conferences, but this year, they couldn't fill it so the bowl gets a 6-6 MAC team facing a 7-5 WAC team. I'm picking No. Illinois based on fewer bad losses.

Papajohns.com Bowl (Dec 29): NC State vs. Rutgers - If I was basing Rutgers hot streak on the destruction of Louisville to end the season, I wouldn't pick them. But their hot streak did include some good teams and some serious beatdowns so I will pick them.

Speaking of Louisville, I need my favorite reminder of better times.


Alamo Bowl (Dec 29): Missouri vs. Northwestern - I think the Big 12 was a lot better than the Big Ten. Northwestern has a better defense, but I don't think their offense can keep up with the Missouri offense. Defense may win championships, but winning a midlevel bowl isn't a championship (nor do I necessarily ascribe to that notion) so take Missouri and their offense.

Humanitarian Bowl (Dec 30): Maryland vs. Nevada - Ah, the bowl game on the blue turf. How did a bowl game in Boise, Idaho ever get locked in with the ACC? I'm sure Maryland fans will be scarfing up tickets to go see this game. Possibly even 250 of them. The Terps were wildly inconsistent all season. I can't see traveling to Boise to suffer frostbite as a reward for a winning record is going to make them suddenly change that. Take Nevada.

Texas Bowl (Dec 30): Western Michigan vs. Rice - These teams score a lot. Both teams are 9-3. Rice is a definite home team, but I think Western Michigan has a better defense so they should get more stops.

Holiday Bowl (Dec 30): Oklahoma State vs. Oregon - Oregon lost to Boise State, USC and Cal (combined 5 regular season losses; four by Cal). Oklahoma State lost to Texas, Texas Tech and Oklahoma (1 regular season loss each). Five is higher than three so take Oklahoma State.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31): Houston vs. Air Force - Air Force already beat Houston once and they didn't seem to handle the option at all well. I don't think they've learned enough yet. Take Air Force again.

Sun Bowl (Dec 31): Pitt vs. Oregon St. - Oregon State was one loss from winning the PAC-10. Pitt was one loss from winning the Big East. The PAC-10 is probably better. But Oregon State can't stop the run. Pitt can run. Take Pitt.

Music City Bowl (Dec 31): Boston College vs. Vanderbilt - BC doesn't lose bowl games. Vandy usually doesn't go. BC finished first in their division. Vandy finished fourth in their's. BC beat several other ACC teams. Vandy lost to the only two they faced. Since one of those was 4-8 Duke, go with BC.

Insight Bowl (Dec 31): Kansas vs. Minnesota - Kansas finished the season beating Missouri. Minnesota finished by losing to Iowa 55-0 in a game that was only notable because of the couple arrested for having bathroom sex (see Dec 13 blog posting). No way I'd trust Minnesota right now.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl (Dec 31): LSU vs. Georgia Tech - Picking one ACC win over the SEC in a bowl game should be enough, but LSU looked like crap down the stretch. LSU is another team I have no trust in.

I should be thankful to Steve Kragthorpe. With an uncertain economic future, it's really nice that he's saving me money by not getting Louisville to a bowl game so I waste my money traveling to places like Miami to watch them play. So, I found the following video that says how much he is appreciated in the Ville. They really need to work on the audio, but I think the case is well made.

Christmas Movies & Other Things

The Chicago Tribune decided to compile a list of the 25 best Christmas movies ever. After reading it, their decision to declare bankruptcy makes a lot more sense. To begin with, the greatest Christmas movie ever, Die Hard, wasn't even included. The second best one, A Christmas Story, just made the cut at 25. What a load of crap. The stop motion Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer was near the bottom at #20. That movie had one of the funniest trivia points. It was narrated by folk singer Burl Ives whose last acting job was as the sheriff in softcore smut movie Two Moon Junction. Which a little smut could have improved Rudolph some. However, the worst decision was to declare Santa Claus: The Movie as the #1 film. Dudley Moore as a lazy elf. Whoooo. Maybe if they made him drunk the entire movie or included a naked Bo Derek in it, then it might have deserved a high billing.

The John McCain campaign was selling some electronics crap that they didn't need anymore (and based on their competency, may have never used). Included was a Blackberry that was still loaded with sensitive campaign info and sold to a reporter. Gee, with these type of stories out there, I don't know why I once said they were running a terrible campaign.

I think this could possibly be the greatest meal ever.

How did I miss this story? Nasty skank singer Amy Winehouse is getting a divorce from fellow junkie and husband who is now dating a German model. I don't know how this happened. How could he pick a model over a woman whose mere appearance makes me want to vomit?

And down in Texas, a bus driver is being accused of threatening some sixth graders with a knife over some cookie crumbs on a seat. Now, I don't have a real big problem with threatening schoolkids. I do it all the time. Surely, however, he could have taken out some sixth graders without a knife.

The title of the link had so much promise. A story about bikini clad teenagers taking pictures of themselves in the big industrial sinks at a KFC. I assumed the pictures would be included. They were. I wasn't impressed. And for the record, I'm not that concerned about the sanitary aspect of this. Those sinks are probably full of industrial cleaner. It's not like they're doing naked splits on the food preparation area.

Now if the two girls in this story were in trouble for taking pictures of themselves in bikinis in inappropriate places, that would have been so much better. Instead, the more attractive girls are engaging in some messed up stuff at an old folks home. Looking at what one admitted to (humping a resident, handjob on old people, fingerbanging one's butt), that girl has some serious kink going on inside her.

Maybe she needs to go to Norway where an old guy was caught yanking his crank while watching some 13 year olds in a pool. I really should look up what constitutes sexual harrassment in Norway because that's what he's charged with and I find it hard to believe that's on par with trying to ask out a subordinate co-worker. Now he did have a note from his doctor saying he had some issues down there. Maybe he should have claimed watching 13 year olds was an old home remedy for that problem. It is in Europe so he might get the socialized medical bureaucracy to send him 13 year olds.

It's not like he can go to Playboy for any consistency. Some website came up with a list of their favorite Playboy covers. It includes one with Barbra Streisand. Even in her prime, I wouldn't have bought a Playboy with Beakwoman on the cover on the off chance that she might actually be naked on the inside.

This is what is wrong with journalism today. The articles leave out pertinent information. In this case, China has arrested a woman who posted her homemade porno online which became very popular and must have been leading to the demise of Chinese morality. Big whoop. I just can't believe they didn't mention where you can download it so I can find out if it was worth all the fuss.

Painting a nude portrait of Sarah Palin doesn't seem that odd. Using your own daughter to model for the body seems a little creepy to me.

And finally, why can't American movie makers come up with plots like the Japanese for their sports movies? One movie in the works takes the old stereotype of an underachieving high school team that gets a female coach to lead them to victory. With a twist. This teacher takes over a volleyball team and promises to "let the puppies breath" if the team wins some tournament or something. I wish Brett had thought about finding a hot chick to flash us as motivation when we played in the bar league. It had to be better motivation than his homemade shirts.

Bowl Picks - Week 1

I'll definitely make my BCS bowl picks later. But since I'm behind, I'll break the rest into increments. This week's picks will be for the first week of bowl games (Dec 20-27). Winners in italics.

EagleBank Bowl (Dec 20): Wake Forest vs. Navy - This is actually a game I'd like to see. It's a rematch of a game Navy won earlier this year at Wake. Which makes it difficult to pick. Navy does not get blown out of bowls for the simple reason that they run the option which is a bitch for every other team to prepare for. However, I think having played earlier negates that advantage a bit. Not a bunch, but enough to reverse that outcome and give Wake the win.

New Mexico Bowl (Dec 20): Colorado St. vs. Fresno St. - Normally I would take Fresno St. under the category "when in doubt, take Pat Hill and Fresno St", but they lost their last regular season game 61-10. But that was to Boise State so take Pat Hill and Fresno St.

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl (Dec 20): South Florida vs. Memphis - I can't believe a bowl is being sponsored by magicJack which is some internet phone service that has really bad commercials that I think might be a scam. Sadly, both these teams were so bad that they lost to Louisville. However, I would take South Florida over Memphis anywhere but definitely in a de facto home game.

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 20): BYU vs. Arizona - BYU seems to play in this bowl quite a bit. The past three years in fact. Why does the team with the heavily Mormon fan base keep going to Vegas? As for the game itself, I think Arizona is an underrated team. However, they don't beat good teams. They just stay close. BYU is a good team so Arizona will just stay close.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (Dec 21): Troy vs. Southern Miss - I liked Troy after they had LSU on the ropes, but they still lost. And Southern Miss is a hot team right now with four straight beatdowns of pretty good teams. Well, except SMU. However, I'm taking Troy.

San Diego Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl (Dec 23): Boise State vs. TCU - This will be a good game. Boise will win because they deserved to be in a BCS game as much as Utah.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl (Dec 24): Hawaii vs. Notre Dame - Hawaii is tough to beat at home for good teams in recent years. Notre Dame sucks.

Motor City Bowl (Dec 26): Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan - I love FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger, but they're playing in Detroit the day after Christmas against a bunch of guys who willingly agree to live in Michigan. I'm leaning towards Central Michigan.

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Dec 27): West Virginia vs. North Carolina - I think WVU's new coach isn't very good. Except in bowl games. Take the Brokeback Mountaineers.

Champs Sports Bowl (Dec 27): Wisconsin vs. Florida State - I don't like either team. I don't like either conference. I dislike Wisconsin more.

Emerald Bowl (Dec 27): Miami of Florida vs. California - Another game where I don't like either team. Cal is coming in with a couple of wins. Miami with a couple of losses. Miami has to travel cross country for this. Take Cal.

Finally, more new stories

Catch up time again. As much as I hate the end of the football season, it means I have more time to keep up with this since I won't be doing the semi-porn fantasy football newsletter. Speaking of football, I mentioned in a previous posting about a couple getting busted at a Buffalo Bills' game for having sex in the women's crapper. Well, two people had an even more comical story at the Minnesota/Iowa game last month. A man and woman were arrested for having sex in the handicapped stall. A few things make this story so much better. First, they were released into the custody of his girlfriend and her husband. I'm sure that made for a pleasant Thanksgiving - "I'd like to give thanks that my wife only banged one guy in a nasty bathroom." Second, pictures of the two got out. Along with the police report so that I can find out what I really wanted to know. What's the best position to have sex in a heavily trafficked men's room. According to them, it's doggy style. Which makes sense if you think about it. And how rude were those cops not to let them finish? Unless there was someone in a wheelchair who needed that stall. And third, the woman wouldn't stop talking about it. She says she was so drunk that she can't remember what happened. Then she decides to play victim by claiming that she must have been roofied because even though she was getting sloshed before the game, "everybody thinks something must have been put in my drink."

For fun, let's take a look at her statements. Everybody would include me so the statement about having her drink spiked is false. I don't think that for a second. To begin, her husband was the only person from the party at the game with her, and why would he do it? Doesn't make sense for anyone else to do it because they can't take advantage and play hide the salami. Also, her argument that she goes to church every Sunday don't mean anything to me. She should go. She probably has a lot to confess. Face it. She got sloshed and handed it out to the first guy who asked. I like how she says her husband blames himself for it for not going with her. Until I hear him say it, I'm not really going to believe it. Even then I'll probably only believe he's whipped. Why would he go? I've wandered into the women's room at a lot of places. They don't want men in there and will call security on you. I think he's figuring out he's married to a slut. Having sex with someone you've just met in a stadium concourse bathroom stall is not something "that just happens". And booze can only take part of the blame. It did let her inner sluttiness out, but I don't blame my bad behavior on booze (because it happens too often when I'm sober). Alcohol only loosens your inhibitions about saying or doing something you really want to say or do. If I was her husband, I'd seriously keep an eye on her and start asking how many nights does she drink so much that she can't remember what happened.

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has been arrested for trying to sell Barak Obama's vacant Senate seat (among other things). What? A Democratic politician from Chicago is corrupt? Who knew? I love the part how a lot of people are trying to spin that he's insane. Almost like they're trying to make people not connect him to another politcian from the Chicago Democratic political machine. Wonder who that could be? The idea that he's insane comes from the fact that he knew the feds were looking at him for other stuff and still talked about it over the phone which could be (and was) tapped. Being stupid is not the same as insane. And he figured he could get away with it because in Chicago, using your position for personal gain is almost expected. The real fun news is Blago is not resigning yet. And the Illinois legislature is making noise about impeaching him, but hasn't. Now the state Attorney General is asking the court system to declare him disabled and put out to pasture that way. Don't think that is exactly what the law is for. There's some quite good reasons for taking that tack. Well, not good. More like political. The most obvious is that she's from the same party and as corrupt as they all are, she doesn't want Blago naming names as payback for legislators voting for his impeachment especially since her dad is one of them proving Illinois politics may be more incestuous than Harlan County. Plus, her dad may be giving her a chance to make a name for herself. Also, by doing this, people may not ask why the feds were onto this why a heavily connected politician from the state had no idea this was happening.

The best part of the whole Blago thing isn't Obama taking a hit even if he's parsing words about how much contact he had with Blago about the job. Someone on his staff knew about it, and maybe they weren't buying, but it doesn't look like anyone was dropping a dime on Blago either. I'm fully aware that connection will be ignored. However, some crap could just hit Jesse Jackson whose son has been identified as the candidate favored by one bidder.

Blago is a case of government not working correctly. The next story is about government working stupidly. Which means it's working as designed which means inexplicibly and inefficiently. A woman's home was threatened with a lien by a Massachusetts city because she owes 1 cent on some utility bill. I'd write them a check which their bank won't cash because it costs more to process than 1 cent. Of course, it costs more to mail the bill than 1 cent. Yet, the brilliant City Collector defended this by saying they couldn't have staff members look through the computer generated letters for such ridiculously low amounts and that the bill "must be paid". What a genius. As I just pointed out, it'll cost more to process than they'll collect. Bitch should be fired if she's that stupid. Here's a thought. Set your computers to send letters only to people who owe amounts higher than the price of a stamp. Also set the computer to automatically write off any balance less than that. Use some common sense. It's a friggin' penny.

Granted, that town is just wasting a pittance to collect an even smaller pittance. San Francisco is willing to spend up to $50 million on a look-good-but-ultimately-pointless project for the Golden Gate Bridge. Since the city doesn't like the fact that people like to commit suicide by jumping from the bridge, they want to spend those millions to put in nets. I'm not for suicide and I'm sorry that one guy's daughter killed herself, but saying she would have lived if they had these nets is ludicrous. I actually saw this report on a TV news report first and one expert said having the bridge as a known suicide spot was actually good because they had a better chance to catch people attempting it and get them treatment. If people can't jump from the bridge, they'll still try to kill themselves, but just somewhere else. I have another issue. The nets are only 20 feet under the bridge which isn't much when you are jumping from about 245 feet. People who hit the nets will probably just jump from them. And since people who survive the jump usually still die from hypothermia or drowning, that 20 feet doesn't mean anything.

But enough about politics and suicide. Let's talk about Christmas. A Walmart employee died after being trampled by Black Friday shoppers. I'm sure Phil and some other anti-Walmart people believe he got what he deserved for working for such an evil company, but I blame the retarded people. I would be embarrasssed to say I was so excited to be at a Walmart sale taht I helped kill someone. Killing should be reserved for good reasons. Like hookers who laugh at........well, nevermind. Exactly what could Walmart be selling that makes you want to bum rush the store? I slept in on Black Friday because I hate shopping. I hate people. Well, most people and especially if they are in crowds. I also hate getting up early. So, Black Friday is a good day to wait for the afternoon college football games. Those from Toys may remember I always closed on Black Friday. If I showed up at all.

However, groups of people I like to think of as asses come out at Christmas to whine about the stupidest things. Some limpdicks wrote a letter asking toy companies not to market toys to their kids. The reason is kids see toys and want them. Apparently there parents are too pussy to say no. My parents told me "no" all the friggin time. Get a backbone. Here's a present you can give your kids. Learning to handle disappointment. Give them a Rolling Stones' album so they learn that You Can't Always Get What You Want. Not only will it give them a life lesson, but they'll actually learn what real rock music is compared to most of the crap on the radio today. Besides, people at toy companies have to make a living too. How about some basic economics for you? If the toy companies don't sell toys, they lose money and get rid of people. Yeah, I'm sure someone who works for one will definitely cut their own throat because some wusses can't fight the temptation to buy their children's love with expensive toys.

In another present buying story, this one from Englad lets us know that you shouldn't buy the Scrabble game for the Nintendo DS system because the computer will use dirty words. Well, you can buy it if you're smart enough to set it to junior level which doesn't allow dirty words. That eliminates stupid people like the woman who is bitching in the article. However, looking at the picture included with the article, I think there is a bigger issue. Why did she buy her son a pink DS system?

But that's England for you. This is also the place where a court forced the government to pay a lot of money to a bunch of junkies as compensation because they weren't given heroin in prison. Apparently people who use illegal drugs have a human right of being given said drugs. Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? I have two solutions for this. One is to fire (or impeach since I'm not up on British courts) the judges. Another is to give them overdose level of drugs. Junkie dead saves the taxpayer money. Win-win as far as I can tell.

Axl Rose is mad at Dr. Pepper for doing a promotion tied to his album. Basically, they offered a free Dr. Pepper if Guns 'N Roses actually released Chinese Democracy this year. They did. Rose thinks he's owed an apology. I can't figure out why. If anyone should apologize, it should be Rose. I've heard a song off the album and it sucks. He destroyed a great band so he could take years to put out overwrought crap like that.

Speaking of sucking, Rosie O'Donnell tried to revive variety shows. She failed. Miserably. Let's see. Obsolete genre. Bitter, unattractive host who wasn't even funny when she did standup. With an ax to grind. How could that fail?

I need a shower after mentioning Rosie O'Donnell, but lets move to some sex stories. Some San Antonio cops are in trouble because someone took pictures of some slutty tramps cavorting around some bicycle cops. One of them has an attorney who says drunk women taking pictures around them happen. Well, I looked at the slideshow and the cops seem more than innocent bystanders. However, three things really stick out. One, why did they edit out faces? It's on a public street. Expectations of privacy are gone. Two, why did they edit out nudity? This is news, people. We need everything to make judgments on the merits of any punishments. Three, a couple of those women (even with edited faces) don't look good enough to risk your job over.

I'm not sure who Nicola Mclean is. I don't really care. All I know is she has a big rack and wants to talk about them and more importantly, show them. She gave some good information too. Apparently, if you have breast implants, they stay cold. As a gallant gentleman, I offer my services to rub them until they are warm again. I think the most disturbing aspect of the story is that she offered Martina Navritilova the opportunity to feel them and was turned down. What kind of lesbian is that? Or it might be the fact that this article was coded by The Sun as a woman's health article.