Christmas Movies & Other Things

The Chicago Tribune decided to compile a list of the 25 best Christmas movies ever. After reading it, their decision to declare bankruptcy makes a lot more sense. To begin with, the greatest Christmas movie ever, Die Hard, wasn't even included. The second best one, A Christmas Story, just made the cut at 25. What a load of crap. The stop motion Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer was near the bottom at #20. That movie had one of the funniest trivia points. It was narrated by folk singer Burl Ives whose last acting job was as the sheriff in softcore smut movie Two Moon Junction. Which a little smut could have improved Rudolph some. However, the worst decision was to declare Santa Claus: The Movie as the #1 film. Dudley Moore as a lazy elf. Whoooo. Maybe if they made him drunk the entire movie or included a naked Bo Derek in it, then it might have deserved a high billing.

The John McCain campaign was selling some electronics crap that they didn't need anymore (and based on their competency, may have never used). Included was a Blackberry that was still loaded with sensitive campaign info and sold to a reporter. Gee, with these type of stories out there, I don't know why I once said they were running a terrible campaign.

I think this could possibly be the greatest meal ever.

How did I miss this story? Nasty skank singer Amy Winehouse is getting a divorce from fellow junkie and husband who is now dating a German model. I don't know how this happened. How could he pick a model over a woman whose mere appearance makes me want to vomit?

And down in Texas, a bus driver is being accused of threatening some sixth graders with a knife over some cookie crumbs on a seat. Now, I don't have a real big problem with threatening schoolkids. I do it all the time. Surely, however, he could have taken out some sixth graders without a knife.

The title of the link had so much promise. A story about bikini clad teenagers taking pictures of themselves in the big industrial sinks at a KFC. I assumed the pictures would be included. They were. I wasn't impressed. And for the record, I'm not that concerned about the sanitary aspect of this. Those sinks are probably full of industrial cleaner. It's not like they're doing naked splits on the food preparation area.

Now if the two girls in this story were in trouble for taking pictures of themselves in bikinis in inappropriate places, that would have been so much better. Instead, the more attractive girls are engaging in some messed up stuff at an old folks home. Looking at what one admitted to (humping a resident, handjob on old people, fingerbanging one's butt), that girl has some serious kink going on inside her.

Maybe she needs to go to Norway where an old guy was caught yanking his crank while watching some 13 year olds in a pool. I really should look up what constitutes sexual harrassment in Norway because that's what he's charged with and I find it hard to believe that's on par with trying to ask out a subordinate co-worker. Now he did have a note from his doctor saying he had some issues down there. Maybe he should have claimed watching 13 year olds was an old home remedy for that problem. It is in Europe so he might get the socialized medical bureaucracy to send him 13 year olds.

It's not like he can go to Playboy for any consistency. Some website came up with a list of their favorite Playboy covers. It includes one with Barbra Streisand. Even in her prime, I wouldn't have bought a Playboy with Beakwoman on the cover on the off chance that she might actually be naked on the inside.

This is what is wrong with journalism today. The articles leave out pertinent information. In this case, China has arrested a woman who posted her homemade porno online which became very popular and must have been leading to the demise of Chinese morality. Big whoop. I just can't believe they didn't mention where you can download it so I can find out if it was worth all the fuss.

Painting a nude portrait of Sarah Palin doesn't seem that odd. Using your own daughter to model for the body seems a little creepy to me.

And finally, why can't American movie makers come up with plots like the Japanese for their sports movies? One movie in the works takes the old stereotype of an underachieving high school team that gets a female coach to lead them to victory. With a twist. This teacher takes over a volleyball team and promises to "let the puppies breath" if the team wins some tournament or something. I wish Brett had thought about finding a hot chick to flash us as motivation when we played in the bar league. It had to be better motivation than his homemade shirts.