Catching Up On The News

Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has been indicted for taking improper gifts. Hey, if that's what it takes to get that worthless bastard out of the Senate, I'll take it. I've been so tired of seeing him treat the federal budget as an Alaskan pork project.

Now, this criminal decided to do his theft the old fashioned way - rob his daughter's pizza place. Real friggin' genius. The cops say the daughter didn't know that her father, mother and husband were planning to rob the place. I'm not really buying it. How stupid would that be? Look at the video. His disguise was pathetic. Why would you take a chance of your daughter blurting out your name (which happened after a co-worker went Mike Tyson on her old man and she tried to pull him off and by that, I don't mean a handjob)?

Speaking of family criminal enterprises, I still can't get over the Caylee Anthony case in Florida. A woman has been arrested after her two year old daughter disappeared. This Mom Of The Year candidate was arrested because the child was missing a month before the police were notified because Mom wanted to conduct her own investigation. And what she told the police was she left the child with a babysitter (who no one knows) at an apartment (that no one has lived in for month) and a wealth of other lies. Now, Grandma seems to think it's a terrible injustice that Mom was arrested and they should let her go so she can help the investigation. Apparently, she would stop lying and withholding info from the cops if they would just let her go. Grandma is also angry that investigators won't take it on faith that Mom didn't do anything wrong. My favorite comment was Grandma's reaction to cops not wanting to talk to her - "They're treating me like a child. I'm not a child." No. You're worse. You're either an accomplice to whatever your daughter did. Or you're one of the stupidest people on the planet. Is there a chance the toddler is alive? Maybe, but why would Mom be so uncooperative if she was? The only way that child is alive is if Mom sold her to a pedophile.

A David Lee Roth impostor fooled a lot of people in some minor country. I'm not sure which is more pathetic. That someone thought pretending to be David Lee Roth would be cool. Or people were impressed enough to want to hang out with David Lee Roth.

This British reporter is apparently complaining about something to do with bras and stuff, but I kind of lost track once the picture of her with enormous funbags came up.

At least she's not whipping them out for a bunch of underage teens like this Florida woman. The kids say it was a game of Truth or Dare. She said she was just hot. Normally, I'm okay with women taking their shirts off. However, I'm not sure it's a good idea to do it with minors (who you've also supplied booze to). Or if you're as ugly as that woman was.

This is a 5 year old after my own heart. He tells the day care center that he needs to go the john and then leaves. And ends up at a Hooters. As far as I'm concerned, there area lot worse places he could have gone.

But that's enough about boobs. How about a story about bush? Siena Miller (an actress I'm only vaguely aware of) is playing the girlfriend of Richard Neville (someone I'm completely unaware of) in a movie about hippies (a subject I could care less about). However, there was a problem. Siena doesn't have enough pubic hair to play a hippie. So, instead of a wig or something, they're just going to digitally add a giant pubic foliage. Probably a good decision. Considering hippie hygiene, they would have to kill a buffalo to make a wig for that.

I probably shouldn't laugh about a 16 year old girl getting groped on a plane. But it was a Polish priest. I could go with the Polack jokes or take a cheap shot about her being too old and the wrong gender for a priest. I'm just stunned about how dumb he is. After copping a feel, he goes straight for the zipper trying to get her pants down. On a plane. You can at least attempt to deny groping by calling it a misunderstanding. Yanking her zipper down pretty much gets rid of that.

These stories piss me off. Some douchebag family got a mini-mansion built for them by that Extreme Makeover show. In addition, a bunch of money was raised so they could pay several years worth of property tax. So, they get a house free and clear with no tax liability. They're about to have it foreclosed because they took out a $450K loan against it. Now, that's not really what pissed me off. If I got worked up over every story about stupid people,.........anyway, what pissed me off was the second paragraph where they were described as "victims" of the mortgage problems. What a friggin' crock? How are they a victim when it was their stupid financial decisions that led to this?

The Democratic convention is Denver was probably going to be amusing enough since retarded protesters will be looking to make asses of themselves. Nothing makes people flock to your cause better than throwing piss on cops. But the guys running it are really adding to that. Some ideas are good. The mayor says that he'll turn the sprinklers on nutsacks who want to camp in public parks. Some ideas are bad. Fried food has been banned at the Democratic convention (and color codes are mandated for meals). I guess the Democrats are trying to change their image as proponents of nanny-state over-regulation. Some are just plain strange. In an effort to get the homeless out of the way, they are going to give them tickets to movies, museums and other places while the convention is on. Gee, I didn't realize the Democrats found the homeless so embarrassing (or irritating). Let's be serious. Is the price of a ticket the only thing keeping your average homeless person from visiting the local museum? And what if you're an average Denver resident who doesn't want to fool with the convention crap and decides to take the family to a movie? I'm sure having an unwashed, bi-polar panhandler and his cart in the theater with you will enhance the moment.

PETA. The stupidest protest group out there. They had a little tiff with Jessica Simpson for sporting a "Real Women Eat Meat" T-shirt. Which means if I'm ever in the same room with Simpson, my fly will be open because if you wear it on your shirt, you have to follow through. It's a law or something. PETA's best quote was "she doesn't have the right to eat what she wants." Yeah, sure. I bet there a lot more steakhouses in this country than branch offices of PETA. Nice to see Fascism is alive and well. Actually, the whole story makes me want to go out and eat a baby harp seal. With bacon because everything tastes better with bacon. Actually, I wouldn't do that. I don't like seafood.

Shiloh

I'm sure a lot of people are thinking this is about the Neil Diamond song, but that Shilo is spelled without an "H". No, this is the National Battlefield in Shiloh, Tennessee. We didn't actually start at Shiloh. No, we began the day at Corinth, Mississippi which was to be our last time in the state with the mosquito as the state bird. It also meant we were a bit ass backwards since the first Battle of Corinth was after the Battle of Shiloh. Actually, it wasn't really a battle. The Confederate Army snuck down to Tupelo and left it for the Union. The Second Battle of Corinth took place a few months later when the Confederates decided to retake a city they had previously given up without a fight. Neither of these battles should be confused with the original Battle of Corinth which was the Romans beating the Hell out of a bunch of Greeks. And happened in 146 BC. By waiting a few months, the rebels allowed the Federals to dig in and reinforce it. Needless to say, this did not end with a grand rebel victory. General Earl Van Dorn (who I constantly confuse with Van Earl Wright from CNN Headline sports back in the day) had to retreat further south which would lead to the Union Army's eventual siege of Vicksburg. So, thinking about it, our whole trip was ass backwards as we went from Vicksburg to Corinth to Shiloh when it should have been reversed.

The battlefield at Corinth wasn't too spectacular. I think the problem was that the area had been built up before they did anything with it. It doesn't seem too historical when you're taking the driving tour of the area and the cannon battery is now a power transformer for a subdivision. However, the Corinth Interactive Center was very nice. It had a couple of good videos which my father slept through. Some nice inside displays. It also had a nice re-creation of a defensive cannon batter. Well, except the concrete they used wasn't exactly historically accurate. They also had a very imaginative fountain/pool that was a Civil War calendar. It ran downhill with years listed on the side and each block in the middle having major Civil War engagements engraved on them. Then there were blocks that had the 13th, 14th and 15th Amendments cut into them. A really nice display, but one the rangers were very protective of. They asked us to leave just because I decided to walk the length of the blocks. Well, that and peeing in the pool at the end.

But we did make it to Shiloh which was one of the bloodiest battles early in the Civil War. In fact, there were more casualties at Shiloh then all the other American wars to that point combined. Near a church named after the Hebrew city Shiloh which ironically means "peace". The Union forces were sleeping when the Confederates launched their attack. Rumor was that General Grant was drunk which caused the surprise attack to work. That's just a myth, but I wouldn't hold it against him if being in rural Tennessee made him want to get blitzed. But his men were nearly pushed into the Tennessee River. Then the rebels took a break with the plan to finish off their opponents the next day. Too bad for them, a whole new Union Army showed up with fresh troops which meant day two saw the Confederates pushed out of the area. It was also the battle that made people realize the Civil War was going to be a long and bloody struggle.

The nicest thing about the Shiloh Battlefield park is that I donated $25 and they named a stack of cannonball after me. Well, not really. General William Tecumseh Sherman's headquarters were out in the middle of the woods about 200 yards from the road which wasn't too nice. That exercise allergy kicks in again. This park didn't go crazy with the monuments as much as Vicksburg, but it still had quite a few out there. Nor was it full of big breasted statues likeVicksburg. And when there was one, she had some kind of iron breast-plated bra on her. I'm not sure what kind of pervert came up with that one. One of the nicest things about the larger battlefields is that they have seasonal interactive shows where a ranger dresses up and acts out some aspect of life. Vicksburg had the coolest with the cannon firing routine. Still, Shiloh didn't disappoint. They had a man who dressed in traditional Confederate garb, mainly because most people don't realize that most Confederates didn't really wear gray. The CSA didn't have a supply system set up when war began. The ranger also demonstrated the proper technique for using the standard military rifles of the day. The picture on the left is him shooting a spectator who kept interrupting his lecture.

The size difference between Shiloh and Corinth meant that Shiloh had a quality driving tour because most everything was in the park. Like many battlefields, Shiloh did have a military cemetery, but in the post war era, the Union could afford to rebury their dead in the actual cemetery. The Confederates were broke so all they could do was leave their dead in the grave trenches that they were originally buried in. But iron bras and trenches of dead people weren't the only things to see there. Some time back, a group of people decided to rebuild the old church that the battlefield was named after. Don't think they needed engineers for that one. When we were there, a lot of pictures were being taken because it's apparently quite popular for senior photos. I thought the professional photographer taking cheesecake pictures of some high school guy was a little odd. A teenage girl taking cheesecake pictures of another teenage girl was much odder. And not nearly as erotic as I'd hoped. Still, the church really didn't have much to do with the battle outside the name. One of the more interesting things to see was the pond. Sure, if you look at the picture, it appears to be stagnant, muddy pond full of insects. And it was. Especially insects and some funky looking fish. Still, Bloody Pond as it is known became infamous during the battle as soldiers from both sides crawled to it after the first day to drink and clean their wounds. Some died there which means you'd better get there early or you're getting some nasty stuff to drink.

Shiloh was the last of the sightseeing as we left for my folks' house in Missouri. But something happened in Jackson, Tennessee that was so shocking that I'm not sure anyone will believe it. We stopped for dinner at a Denny's. Not only was the waitress quick and attentive, the manager even stopped by a couple of times to make sure our drinks were filled. I realize the thought of good service at a Denny's is a myth to most of us, but I've seen with my own eyes that it can happen.

Tupelo, Mississippi

One plus in our stay in Tupelo was the campground. Unlike the one in Vicksburg, this one actually had shade trees in it. Any idea what happens when a camper sits in the sun while you are gone all day? Let's just say the air conditioner was good, but it wasn't that good. And the wifi actually worked like it was supposed to. As in you could actually connect to things. However, there was one drawback. The bathroom stalls. If you sat on the throne, you're knees were almost touching the door. So, after you finish your business, you almost have to open the door to stand up and get situated. Obviously poor planning on someone's part. This is a very important room in people's lives. Architecture schools should have entire classes on planning the bathroom.

Tupelo doesn't have the Civil War notoriety that a place like Vicksburg does. The two battles that were fought locally did have a high level of importance. When General Sherman was beginning his march through Georgia, his main fear was Confederate attacks on his supply lines by Nathan Bedford Forrest. So, Sherman tells troops in Memphis to mosey on down to Mississippi so Forrest will attack them instead. It was actually a good plan and didn't really matter whether the Union troops won or lost as long as Forrest wasn't tearing up railroad tracks in middle Tennessee. And that was good because at the Battle of Brice's Crossroads, the Union was routed even though they had more men. A month later, they came back and won the Battle of Tupelo, but had to go back to Memphis because they didn't pack enough to eat. I'm assuming the IHOP on Gloster St where I had breakfast wasn't there in 1864. Neither battlefield is very impressive. Brice's Crossroads does have some road markers, and at a couple of points, asphalt trails through the fighting area to learn more about the battle. Well, we could have but they didn't have any signs on most of it nor anything to let you know at the start of it that there no more signs. So, you end up walking in the hot sun down a path in a field full of bees and wasps with nothing to see at the end of it. On the plus side, the fields did have a lot of hay bales. Since the visitor's center was closed when we got there, I needed someplace to dump the gallon of IHOP coffee I drank that morning. There was also a 160 year old cemetery (one old biddy that was buried there had been born in 1795 which means she may have dated Robert Byrd). It might have been more interesting if half the headstones weren't broken pieces laying around on the ground.

The tourism people of Mississippi must be concerned with the location of the Brice's Crossroad monument. The road to the main site was a rural Mississippi county road. That means you pass a nice house and then a falling down single wide trailer with three broke down cars in front. Still, everything about that site was grand compared to the Tupelo National Battlefield which I can't call a park because it's about a half acre off a city street with a memorial, a couple of cannon and two signs with the same information that I read in the Park Service pamphlet. We actually missed it the first time around because I was scratching a mosquito bite and didn't notice it. Not that I would have missed anything. Whoever designed the two sites was inspired. They look almost exactly the same. The only difference is the cannon at Tupelo face straight ahead while the ones at Brice's Crossroads are angled. At least I think they do. I'm pretty sure the picture to the right was Tupelo and the one above is Brice's Crossroads.

Now, the biggest thing of historical significance in Tupelo is the fact that it's Elvis Presley's birthplace. Yes, this little town spawned the King of Rock 'N Roll. I went out to the birthplace museum, but I decided not to tour the rebuilt house because it was about 12 feet square so I can't imagine I would have found a whole lot to see inside. Plus, I'm cheap. They also had an old Plymouth just like the one his father loaded up the family to move to Memphis when Elvis was 13. It wasn't the actual car, but hey, it was the same make and possibly model. Still, the coolest thing to see was this statue of Elvis as a 13 year old boy right before the move to Memphis as he's wearing overalls and dragging his guitar. It makes you realize that before Elvis became a caricature of himself, he was seen as one of the coolest people on the planet. And before that, he was a bumpkin.

A Short Leisurely Drive

After sweating my ass all over Vicksburg for a couple of days, it was good to have a nice little drive up the Natchez Trace Parkway. The Natchez Trace Parkway runs from Natchez, MS up to Nashville, TN. For those who don't know, the Natchez Trace was an old dirt trail that Indians wandered along until the white man came and decided they wanted to wander around on it. Kentucky had a prominent role in the early days of commerce on the Natchez Trace as farmers from Kentucky (and other Ohio Valley fellows) would load up flatboats with crops (or more likely whisky made from their crops) and travel down to Natchez or New Orleans. Since they couldn't take a flatboat upstream, they walked home on the Natchez Trace. Obviously Kentuckians were the most important (or possibly obnoxious) of them because these travellers were known as Kaintucks. Then some other white men realized that they could make money by robbing and killing other white men who walked along that trail. So in spite of that (or possibly because of that), the federal government decided that this dirt trail was an important part of American history and should be preserved. By blacktopping it so cars could drive on it.


It seems a little strange to have the National Park Service maintaining a highway. And they were. Park Service people were mowing the grass. Removing dead trees. Sleeping in the beds of their trucks. Real government labor. We only drove a section of the Trace between Jackson and Tupelo but I came to one conclusion - that section doesn't have much. Granted, after all the walking the past couple of days, I didn't feel like taking a nature hike. Plus, the hiking trails all seemed to lead to a cypress swamp. Swamp equals mosquitoes which means subtract Marc. Then there were the historical sites. Basically, it was a small, pull-through parking lot with a sign to let me know that Hernando De Soto camped there one night. Not all of them were bad. We stopped at one site where there were a couple of Indian burial mounds. Not sure why, but I really did like that exhibit. Something about the proportionality or the gentle sloping of them. There's something there. Just something attracted me to that spot.


One of the selling points for the Natchez Trace is that it's a scenic parkway which means under federal law there aren't any billboards or anything along the way. And there aren't. Which was fine for viewing. However, when you get hungry, you don't know where to stop and eat. Then you end up taking a side road and stopping at a pseudo touristy place that has a "cafe" next to a gift shop and a bunch of old buildings that were moved to that spot and have no real historical connection to it. And maybe in addition to moving someone's house to the spot, they move their 19th century gravestones while leaving the actual bodies at the cemetery. Yes, there was a place just like that. And the cafe charged $6 for a sandwich. Not a sub or hoagie, but a two-pieces-of-white-bread-with-ham on it sandwich. Which meant we went off another side road to a gas station with a deli. Speaking of food, there is one good thing to come out of staying in a pop-up camper with very few amenities. It's a good excuse to get some Jiffy Pop.

Second Day At Vicksburg

Wasn't so hot today. I think it topped out at about 98 degrees. Went back to finish the Confederate side of the battlefield park. Actually a good chunk of the Confederate lines were outside the national park part of it. That's what happens when you lose the battle. You get the short end of the stick and they leave half your stuff outside. Kind of like divorce. However, there were still a good many Confederate monuments inside the park because there were a ton of monuments in general all over the park. One of the more interesting ones was the Alabama one. It was a little surprising because as my father pointed out, it didn't include Bear Bryant as we expected it to. I'm sure they'll rectify that situation once they realize he's not there. However, there was a non-soldier in it. Apparently, Alabama officials saw the Minnesota monument and decided they needed a statue that included a woman with big knockers too. And they did which furthered my obsession with bronze boobage.

I thought Kentucky should have something nice there because only Kentucky and Missouri included entire units in both the Union and Confederate armies. Missouri was a lot more fun because they placed the U.S. units right across from the C.S. units. I think I may write to some Kentucky officials because of the Kentucky monument. To begin with, the location sucked. The other major monuments had a pull off for cars to stop to get an up close look. Not at the Kentucky monument. You parked on the grass of a narrow road. Then you climbed up a hill and had to walk halfway across that section of the battlefield which exacerbated my exercise allergies. Then it wasn't quite as spectacular as some of the other ones. Maybe because they had to carry the whole damned thing out there since it wasn't safe for vehicles. It had a nice little wall with the unit names on it, but otherwise it wasn't much. It did allow me to have my picture taken with both Abraham Lincoln and Jefferson Davis. Well, with statues of them. And no female statues with cannonball breasts.

Now, Vicksburg isn't just battlefields and statues of stacked women. There was also a museum dedicated to John Beidenharn who was a local resident who did a wonderful thing for the country and history itself. He was the first person to bottle Coca-Cola instead of simply selling it at the soda fountain. To be able to have such easy access to such a quality product has truly made the world a better place. For the life of me, I cannot figure out why there are those lowly imitators trying to improve on perfection. The museum was actually pretty interesting with loads of old bottles and memorabilia. It was probably a little more interesting for my father since my memories of Coke bottles takes me back only to the glass 32 ounce bottles of the '70s. He could remember back a bit further. And when I say they had loads of bottles, I mean they had loads of bottles. Some going all the way back to 1894 when Beidenharn started. There was also shelves of full, commemorative bottles for everything from sports teams to tournaments to festivals. And I did find one local representative.
There was a commemorative UK bottle. They stuck it next to ones commemorating an Azalea festival. It probably means something, but I'm not sure what. Probably something about Billy Gillespie's sexuality.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation

Being big Civil War buffs, my dad and I have been to numerous battlefields from pretty small ones like Perryville to the granddaddy of them all, Gettysburg. So, with a week off, we decided to hit a couple battlefields that we hadn't been to - Vicksburg and Shiloh. It makes sense. What better time to spend your days walking an incredibly large battlefield in a deep South river town than late July when it's 101 degrees and the mosquitoes are plentiful. I've always been a sucker for heatstroke and scratching.

We hit town and immediately checked into our 5 Star Accommodations. No running water (broken pump), but air conditioning (thank God). The campground had one very nice thing. Clean showers. And as someone who has showered at truck stops before, you really appreciate a clean public shower. The drawback at the campground was that it advertised Wi-fi access, and it did have it, but apparently a retro version. You got about 11 MBS out of it when it was working at it's optimal level. I've used dial-up that worked faster. Vicksburg is a nice little town. By little, I think 75% of it is the battlefield. I don't think it even has a Denny's. But it has a lot of hills. If you ever make the trip, don't drive a stick shift.

Obviously, the most enjoyable part for me was the battlefield itself. While the July heat can get a wee bit uncomfortable, summer is when the national parks do stuff. By stuff, I mean historical demonstrations. We got lucky and hit the visitor's center just as they were getting ready to show us how to load and fire a Civil War cannon. They can only do these during summers because they don't have enough park staff throughout the rest of the year to do something like this. In the summer, they get local high school kids to volunteer as slave labor. They dressed those poor bastards up in very hot looking outfits and made them stand around baking in the sun until it was time to fire the gun again. I was a little disappointed they didn't use real cannonballs. It's a big park. I noticed that they wore earplugs which I don't think were regulation issue in the 1860s. It's pretty amazing how many Civil War cannon are still around. Granted it was a long war involving a lot of men and equipment, but I've been to several battlefields and they are chock full off old equipment, especially cannon. This field piece next to Dad was one of many at Vicksburg. It was also full of wasps which we discovered a short time after this picture was taken.

Another thing, the battlefield was full of monuments. Actually, it was the whole town. The park used to be just about the whole city so you can't drive down the street without seeing another monument. To begin with, there were tons of monuments dedicated to individuals. And most were paid for by the family members of those soldiers around 1900. Apparently someone figured out a pretty good fund raiser for the new park, because every park needs a plaque for a nondescript Lt. Colonel I've never heard of. Pretty much every state had a major monument to their participation at Vicksburg. And there were a lot of states. On day one, we really only got through the Union side. Even states as far away as Rhode Island and New Hampshire had units there. In addition, there were smaller unit monuments spread wherever they were positioned around the battlefield. So, if I want to know where an artillery battery that didn't do much, I can read about it on a giant concrete slab. The picture to the right is me in front of the Minnesota state monument. It's looks big and ostentatious, but it was pretty tame compared to Illinois and Wisconsin. However, what I liked about it was the statue that was a part of it. I'm not sure why. Oh, I know. Look at the rack on that woman. I thought she was holding cannonballs to her chest when I first saw it.

The last part of the battlefield that we made it to on day one was the USS Cairo. Interesting story about this ship. It was sunk by a mine while on the river off Vicksburg, and you can still see where the mine hit the side and destroyed a good chunk of it. They managed to raise and sort-of refurbish it for a display. Lot of interesting things about the display. You can actually see the insides of a Civil War era ironclad gunboat. Walking through the ship, it was amazing to think they could keep a crew of 175 on a boat that size. Easily the worst job had to be the poor saps who spent all day feeding the boilers. However, the best part of the Cairo display was that there was a bathroom there. Going from the visitor's center to the Cairo was quite a distance. Taking a leak was no problem as it was heavily wooded, but if you have to do something else, you really need a bathroom. Which was unfortunate for anyone who followed me in the museum bathroom. I really need to check out what I eat.

Beach Sex and Other Stories

Some British chick is facing serious jail time in Dubai for having sex on the beach. Not the drink sex on the beach. The penis in vagina sex on the beach. Twice. How stupid is this girl? At least the dude had an excuse since he was vacationing (although you have to be a moron to go to a Muslim country and think you can whip your junk out in public) while she lived there. But they're both stupid to get a warning to stop. And then not. Gee. Having public sex in a civilized society is generally frowned on, but in a theocratic monarchy, what's the worst that can happen? Oh, right. I don't know why Dubai can't move out of the dark ages like, say, Iran.

Well, maybe those two have a right to be surprised. They are from England. A country where a local council tried to clear out some bushes in a local park only to have the move protested as discriminatory against homosexuals by gay rights groups, including one affiliated with the council. Why? Because gay men like to troll the area for illicit gay sex in the bushes and they could be seen if it got cut away. Of course, as a heterosexual, I would probably be accused of homophobia if I ever accused gay men of being predisposed to deviant and sexually dangerous public behavior. There is a little problem with the fact that public sex by gay or straight people is illegal. So, you have an agency within a government body that is essentially promoting illegal behavior. Maybe I'm wrong that British people should be smart enough not to bump uglies on a public beach in Dubai.

Of course, you might notice in that story that it mentioned some firemen who were reprimanded for disturbing a gay sex orgy in the bushes. That makes perfect sense to punish the people not engaged in the illegal activity instead of those that are. It's pretty much how all crime is now handled in Great Britain as I've previously mentioned (and which has been updated as the judge also is a retard). The latest was a retiree who got tired of scumbag, limey brats throwing rocks though his windows. Since the cops think 2 hour response time is perfectly acceptable, the old man grabbed a hunk of wood to get rid of them himself. So, when the cops show up, they immediately arrested him. The rock throwers? They got away. British police should be so proud. They've become a squad that only seems able to arrest the middle aged.

Well, the middle aged and white guys calling other white guys honky. I'm not sure what I find more disturbing. The fact that England felt prosecuting a man for that little of an insult was worth the time and money? After all, it is England where the BBC decided to run "fact based" show which had a Muslim being beheaded by a Christian fundamentalist. Because we all know that it's not Muslims who are notorious for beheading non-Muslims.......oh wait. The fact that this country is so politically correct means the prosecution doesn't surprise me. What does is the fact that Mall security guards can restrain someone for such an incident. So, if a mugger of a different ethnic persuasion takes your wallet, don't call him a name. The cops aren't going to arrest him anyway, so no reason to tempt them into locking you up. And yet, they probably still think their crime prevention works better than here. Even though it hasn't been working well for some time.

But I don't just read British newspapers online for their latest bizarre police behavior or their next pathetic surrender to Islamic radicals. They also like to put semi-nekkid pictures in their stories. Case in point. A story about women with big knockers in England who are angry that they have to pay a little extra for bras to handle their milkbags. As a fat guy, I say welcome to the club. I'm used to looking at clothing racks with signs that say "larger sizes $2 extra". Which brings me to something that really pisses me off. No matter what store I go to (Walmart, Meijers, whatever), if they stock clothes on shelves, the big man's stuff is on the bottom shelf. Want a XXL t-shirt? Bottom shelf. Want a small? Top shelf. Are you a fat guy who needs jeans with long legs? Bottom shelf. If you're a midget? Six feet up. How does that make any sense at all?

Speaking of knockers, Miss Washington 2007 is apparently in some controversy for pictures floating around of her engaging in unladylike behavior. Although the fact that it isn't a hardcore sex tape (damn it) means it's not too unladylike in the modern era. And even though I said speaking of knockers, the only thing close to that was a bra shot as she's brushing her teeth (dental hygiene is in these days). Of course, she lost her option to deny it was her when she wore her tiara in several of the pictures. However, I think the contest officials were probably angered more by the fact that she let her portly, less attractive friend wear it. Because that goes against everything Miss Washington stands for.

When I first heard about Jesse Jackson comment about cutting off Obama's nuts, my first thought was that Jesse might be kinkier than I thought. My next was that he did it deliberately (Jesse knows there are microphones everywhere in a TV studio) as a way to help Obama by separating him from less well liked black politicians. Like Jesse Jackson. But then I found out that Fox News almost missed having the footage, and I think Jackson really does have a problem with Obama. It wasn't that long ago that people were questioning whether Obama was black enough, and one reason was the fact that he didn't come out of the civil rights movement. I think the "leaders" of that movement followed the rank and file blacks into Obama's camp. And I'm certain there is some jealousy issue (plus when you have a bastard child with your mistress, you don't like hearing about parental responsibility). Still, Jackson probably didn't do it deliberately because Obama is popular with the man on the street who Jackson still needs support from them for his extortion attempts.

While I don't believe any Obama/Jackson connection to help Obama by distancing him from Jackson, I'm not so sure on the suddenly large group of Democrats who are questioning John McCain's war record. Gee, it only seems like four years ago that Democrats were saying a presidential candidates war record should not be questioned. Ever. Even by men from his own unit. Now, it will be interesting if the mainstream Democrats start the "war criminal" talk that's running around the left wing of the party. Heck, as a Republican, McCain's war record is one of the things I don't question about him. Yet, the funniest thing about Wesley Clark's comments was his total criticism. Mainly the fact that he was questioning McCain's experience to be president. WTF? Someone who supports Obama is questioning John McCain's experience to be president? That's friggin' rich. Obama is one of the least experienced presidential candidates I've ever seen. Done almost nothing in the Senate. Spent most of his time in the Illinois legislature doing favors for slumlord friends. About the only other thing he's ever done was be one them nebulous community organizers, and looking at the pictures from his area of operation, he wasn't a very successful one.

Still, in the liberal world, it's the thought that counts. This schmuck down in North Carolina retired rather than lower the flags to half mast at his state lab as directed by the governor. Why? It was for Jesse Helms. Let's get a grip, moron. This is the problem with friggin' bureaucrats today. The lab was built and paid for by the state. You don't own it. You are a state employee. The governor told you to lower the flags for five term Senator from your state. So, lower the flags. It's your job. I'm glad they made him resign. I get so tired of bureaucratic arrogance from these numbnuts in state jobs who don't think they are accountable to anyone. Enjoy your retirement, dick.

And here is another retirement story that shows the city of New Orleans has become the London of America when it comes to police priority. You ever wonder why Florida gets hit with hurricanes and the Midwest floods badly, but neither degenerates into the chaos that New Orleans did after Katrina? It's called having not having city officials who are completely (as opposed to partly) incompetent and utterly retarded. New Orleans is crime ridden city whose police department routinely looked bad whether it was blatant corruption, brutality or the fact that a good chunk of the department fled their posts during Katrina. Yet, who do they reserve punishment for? A 35 year department vet (which means he stuck around during Katrina) who decided to honor former officers by wearing his old uniform on his last day. In the last hour of the last day, the department ordered an investigation of him not wearing the proper shirt. You have got to be shittin' me. All the problems in New Orleans and the police department is making an issue of this? And part of the suspension means he won't be in the reserve unit either. Yeah, that's great. New Orleans certainly doesn't need extra manpower for the cops. Well, until another disaster happens and a third of the force disappears again.

This isn't a teacher sex story (which I've been avoiding unless there's a new angle to). It's a teacher goes on Howard Stern, wears a bikini (I thought this was still a radio show), talk about her sex life and is forced to resign story. Then sues. Now, if she's on her own time, I could really care less if she went on the show to talk about her love for Cleveland steamers. However, her ass deserved to be fired. She called in sick to do it. Doesn't his satellite radio channel replay his shows? So, isn't there a good chance that a co-worker might hear her on it? Besides, looking at her picture, she looks pretty healthy to me. And although she's pretty, I can't see her being the hottest wife of an ugly dude. Must not have been much competition.

And here's the teacher sex story with an angle to it. A charter school in San Diego is having a little problem. Since December 2006, four teachers have gotten into trouble for getting down and dirty with students. The angle is that there were four teachers, but only three students. The third and fourth teacher had a relationship with the same student. What's going on here? Was she just being passed around or was it something else? An orgy? DP? Menage a Trois? Threesome? Double Pork Sandwich? Two guys, one cup? One in the pink; one in the stink? Two hole punch? Double shot of wang? I don't think the story is giving enough detail. Shoddy reporting if you ask me.

Stupid Robber & Other News

Now, I wouldn't advocate stealing from your neighbors. Unless they've got some really good stuff and no alarm system. Or you just don't like them. But if you do, don't be a moron like this guy. He robbed some people who lived within walking distance of his apartment. I know this because the people he robbed happened to walk by his apartment while he had the merchandise in his yard sale. Wasn't Craigslist designed so you could fence goods without meeting someone face to face? That and prostitution.

And speaking of prostitution, Eliot Spitzer's whore decided to drop her suit against Girls Gone Wild. I can't say I'm surprised by it. I said a while back that it doesn't make sense for her to sue for defamation when her middle name may as well be Eliot-Spitzer's-whore. She would be smart just to move away from it all. God knows how many hits you'll get if you google her name and hooker.

Some poll by some magazine that I don't think I've ever read has declared that Jessica Simpson has the best boobies out there. On the surface, I can't disagree with that decision. However, to be fair, I think Jessica needs to go around topless so that we can be a little more certain.

A sad story from a week or so ago. A family of three and their yacht captain were taken hostage off the coast of Somalia after running out of gas. Wait a second. What the Hell were they thinking when they decided to take a yacht trip off the coast of Somalia? Yeah, nothing bad could have happened on that one? I guess they didn't want to go mountain climbing in Chechnya.

Nerds will certainly find this highly interesting. I think it's just fairly neat. I knew Charles Babbage had designed the original computer, but never built it. I never realized just how complicated it would be to build.

This incredibly stupid story is why I think Great Britain will be the first western European country to officially become an Islamic Republic. They are becoming so politically correct in kowtowing to the Muslims that there are actual complaints when the police use their puppy mascot on a phone number card. Why? In Islam, dogs are unclean. So what? Back when we had manufacturing lines running at work, we had some Iraqis working there with apparently random bathing habits. They were pretty damned unclean in my eyes (and definitely my nose). It's completely ridiculous that anyone should take those people seriously when they bitch about something like that. First the dogs. Then the world.

Think I'm overreacting? Two British school kids got detention for refusing to pray to Allah during a religion class. I'm old enough that my public junior high still had Bible history as an elective (they billed it as a history class rather than a religion one). We were never required to pray. It's getting to the point there that Muslims don't even have to do the hard work to overcome that society. First, the Archbishop of Canterbury endorsed possibly letting Islamic Sharia law become an acceptable part of England's legal system. I thought that was pretty bad, but Rowan Williams is currently presiding over an Anglican community that is falling apart so why should I expect more. Then, the highest judge in the British judicial system (who should definitely know better) decided Sharia law was okay with him. I'm sure in such an open and tolerant religion, that won't be a problem, but I'll let someone explain why that might be the case.

A tragedy. Starbucks is closing 600 stores. As someone who drinks coffee straight from the pot, I'm unaffected. But now some people might have to travel a little farther to buy overpriced coffee. Probably not that much farther. Those places are everywhere. This is the chain that was opening so many stores that The Simpsons did a bit once where all the stores in the mall changed into Starbucks while Bart was getting his ear pierced. The story says they closed because they were under performing, but it doesn't say why. I think we all know. Competition from topless coffee shops.

A Romanian man was awarded about $800K from a surgeon who whacked his willy off. Ain't enough.

Rosie O'Donnell just said that being on The View was like being raped in prison. That's certainly comparable. Being paid a lot of money to sit around the table and run your mouth versus getting something you don't want shoved up in you shoved up in you. Besides, she should enjoy that. In most women's prison movie, the big dyke does most of the raping. Excuse me a second while I vomit profusely.

It's the anniversary of some guy named Billy Mitchell scoring a perfect score on Pac-Man. It took six hours and meant he had to get every point possible on all 256 levels without losing a life. I wasn't very good at playing Pac-Man. Getting to the Apple level was an accomplishment for me, but I still liked to play. However, I could not imagine playing for six hours. But I do like the reasoning for it. He just wanted to beat some friggin' Canadians and send them back to Eastern Alaska to screw some polar bears. Take that you damned, dirty Canucks.

Sheer genius. Some 20 year old woman in Nepal is marrying an admitted killer who happens to be 64. He's only in jail for one murder in Nepal, but he's previously said he's killed about 20 around the globe. Nihita Biswas (Nepalese for Stupid Bitch) says, "I am mature enough to decide for myself." That's certainly debatable. She's certainly not smart enough. She doesn't just want to marry him. She's helping him get released. So, she can live with an admitted serial killer. As I said, sheer genius.

Speaking of smart chicks, Paris Hilton wants to get a bunch of her paparazzi chased friends to have a TV special and give their side of the story. Give their side of what I have no idea since most of them cultivate the tabloid exposure. Sounds kind of like a younger version of The View without the lesbian prison rape. I don't think I could drink enough to watch that.

One of the possibilities for the show would be Britney Spears. MTV has let it be known that they wouldn't oppose having Spears open their awards show like she did last year. When she wore a completely inappropriate outfit and completely bombed on stage. But people watched it and would likely watch it again. Call it the train wreck effect. If it does happen, I certainly won't watch it. I think it's a disgrace that they would allow a mentally unstable person embarrass herself for ratings. Plus, I can't stand listening to her sing.

Must be nice to have an understanding wife. Some guy in Seattle was visited by the cops because he was using his binoculars to peep on the ladies next door. His wife blamed the women for walking around nekkid and having their blinds up. He "couldn't help it". Yeah, I couldn't help it that night when I broke into that house and hid in the closet. And all those other nights at different houses. I thought it was interesting the cops just told the women to fix their blinds and didn't really do anything to the guy. Probably makes sense. If they had cited him for it, his address would have been on a police report. Half the guys in town would have been hanging around outside their window.

Independence Day

Ah, another day off from work. This time to celebrate the adoption of the Declaration of Independence by the Continental Congress which was two days after Independence was actually declared on July 2, 1776. But we don't celebrate the 2nd of July because, well, someone forgot. It was July 3, 1777 before someone thought about it. So, they did it the next day and July 4 stuck. It's always interesting to look back at the signers because while the old email exaggerated the hardships faced by them, it certainly wouldn't have been good for them if the British had won. Plus, you also find out about the less notable signers. One was named Button and another was Mr. Whipple. The Declaration was primarily written by Thomas Jefferson, but those of us who watched Ben And Me know that Amos Mouse gave him the beginning of it.

So, what to do this day? It's supposed to rain most of the day which means moving from the bed to the couch seems like the best idea. Too bad it's not like Memorial Day where classic war movies run all day. Although TCM is running Alfred Hitchcock movies all day, I'm not sure I should watch. After all, he was British. I think part of the problem is there aren't too many movies connected to this holiday. Considering I would have to throw National Treasure in since it deals with the Declaration, I think that shows how few there are. And I don't think any channel is carrying that. I'm not going to watch Independence Day because I prefer to kill my brain cells with alcohol. I usually avoid musicals so 1776 is out. And I've already seen Spirit of Seventy Sex. I really can't think of any other movie that fits. So, I might just watch Rocky take down some commie (with a bad overdub).