Monday, October 22, 2007

The Weekly World News (My Version)

I probably shouldn't sit here and bitch about how Steve Kragthorpe has ruined UL's football season this year. So, I'll stand and bitch about it. This guy is killing me. Going for 12-1 and an Orange Bowl to 4-3 against the weak part of the schedule is bad enough, but now the coach and athletic director are saying it's a rebuilding year. Funny, that never came up when I got the letter to renew my season tickets. Things have gotten so bad that I got banned on the Cardinal Sports Report message boards for quoting Burt Reynolds from Smokey and The Bandit, "do the letters F.O. mean anything to you?" to a moderator. Personally, I think he overreacted.

It was a sad day in the world of football when news came that Max McGee had died falling off his roof where he was blowing something, probably leaves. McGee was known for scoring the first touchdown in Super Bowl history. He was also known for being hung over when he did it because he didn't think he was going to play. I've always felt one of his most important contributions was Chi-Chi's Mexican Restaurant. When I was a young lad in college, I had very little money. Chi-Chi's had free chips and salsa. So, I could drink beer and load up on chips and salsa.

The obligatory prostitute story. Some white trash whore in upstate New York was busted for hooking and using drugs. She brought her two young children along for the ride. In fact, they were in the back seat while she was playing Electrolux with a couple of her customers. Personally, if I was her john (and I wasn't; I don't even know where Schenectady is), I would have been appalled. At least put the kids in the trunk or something.

Prostitute story from the pimp side. James Lipton of Inside The Actor's Studio was a flesh peddler in Paris before hitting it big. Or whatever Inside The Actor's Studio means on the success scale. The obvious comment would be on how his previous job led to Hollywood, but that's too easy.

When I read that it's been revealed that Dumbledore was gay, my reaction was "who the Hell is Dumbledore?". I missed the Harry Potter books because ....what's the concept......oh yeah, I hit puberty and fantasy reading became the Penthouse Forum over some book about warlocks and witches. Oh, and by the way, Dumbledore really can't be gay. He's a ficitional character. He's really nothing.

In another story containing witch-like substances, some dude got busted for tearing up a Halloween display. The owner wasn't sure why he tore up her stuff. Well, duh. He was drunk. Who among hasn't gotten smashed, seen ghosts and destroyed private property?

When I first read the story about the earmark that "the Senators from the great state of New York" had requested to give $1 million to a museum dedicated to Woodstock, I thought it was well deserved. Sure, he's a side-kick that doesn't say anything, but he was an integral part of Peanuts. Then I realized they were talking about that hippie music festival back in the 60s. What's the million bucks for, to recreate the smell? Even worse, the guy asking for it is a billionaire. Pay for that crap yourself, hippie-lover.

A monsignor of the Vatican was suspended for telling some TV show that he "didn't feel like he was sinning" by engaging in gay sex. So, the vow of celibacy only counts if you want to bump nasties with a woman?

I pretty much forgot my college German. Can someone translate what Wanken die Winky means?

See? This is what happens when we let clowns run lose in society. Well, that and Shakes The Clown, but that was a funny movie. And made us forget that Bobcat Goldthwait was in Police Academy 4. And in turn, somehow dated Nikki Cox and her massive mammary glands.

Boy, this is a great story. Guy has carnal relations with Britney Spears and records it. Yet, he can't show it to anyone because his performance wasn't up to his standards. Right. I think I will call BS on him having such a tape. Sure, nailing Britney is no longer seen as an accomplishment and taking advantage of a wackjob may seem like something to be looked down upon. However, it's still worth money and who cares how inadequate you perform on an amateur porn tape. No one is watching it for you.

Some DJ is in a bit of trouble in Detroit because he was going to have a party and let "light skinned" black women in for free. The big complaint centers around some historical division between light skin and dark skinned blacks. Here's another thought. Letting someone into a party based on the color of their skin while charging others is illegal. So, even if he included dark skinned black women in the free admission, it still would have been against the law.

Here's one of my favorite type stories. Yale Law School tried to forbid military recruiters on campus for political reasons. Unfortunately for them, Congress passed a law saying if you want government funds, you've got to let recruiters on campus. Yale Law sued and lost. My favorite part is a professor complaining that "we obviously wish the government wasn't forcing discrimination on us." Guess what? Yale is a private educational institution. Nobody's forcing anything on you. To me, it would seem hypocritical of someone to bash the military, but accept millions of dollars from them for research into more military activities. The biggest example of that would be Noam Chomsky. He's been one of the biggest left-wing campus radicals for years. Yet, for all his anti-military blather, his career and research have been underwritten by the Department of Defense for most of it. I guess the military industrial complex is evil until they sign your paycheck.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

News of the Week

I shouldn't criticize UK fans for what happened after their big win over LSU. I should let them bask in the moment which are usually few and far between for UK football. However, I saw a story in the paper the next day which showed where a couch was burned in the street. That is the damn near patented celebration technique of West Virginia Brokeback Mountaineer fans. I got a copy of the Morgantown rag as I was heading back to Kentucky after the UL/WVU clash two years ago, and it said there were 20 cases of arson reported that involved a burning couch. It makes me really lose respect for the UK fans when they decide to emulate the most low rent fanbase in the country.

Food for thought. Cop goes into a McDonalds. Eats a burger that accidentally had a lot of salt on it. Gets sick. Blames it on the salt. Excuse me? It’s McDonalds. The thought of most of their food makes me sick. I would need a pound of salt on my burger just to make it edible. Oh, and then he arrests the girl who cooked the burger. I’ll ignore the obvious question (asked by the cook) of why he kept eating a burger that was making him sick. I’d really like to know if Fulton County’s crime problems are so small that sending the leftover part of a burger to the crime lab is really the proper response to this.

Of course, he might be thinking McDonalds is ripe for a lawsuit with the recent case up in Shepherdsville where the victim of a hoax was awarded over $6 million after someone claiming to be a cop called the restaurant and told them to strip search her. Well, not to blame the victim, but if I had a manager anywhere tell to take my clothes off, there would be an issue. Just to be clear to all my readers, your employer (especially a first line manager) cannot make you take your clothes off unless your a stripper and it's part of your contract. The worst part of this episode is that the assistant manager who made her strip got over a million because the jurors thought McDonalds should have told her specifically (it was in the manual) not to strip search employees or let her boyfriend get a hummer. Well, the jurors were stupid. I'm not expecting geniuses to be assistant managers at McDonalds, but a cook and the illiterate maintenance guy didn't fall for it.

Another food story. This guy was charged with assault for hitting his dad in the face with a bag of Cheetos while hopped up on meth. Obviously, if he was smoking pot, no way would he have let go the bag of Cheetos.

This is a near tragic story. These two girls just wanted to show some school spirit, so they did a full over body paint and went to a football game. They were thrown out even though male students painted up were allowed to stay. This is an injustice that should not be……….wait a minute……..I just saw that picture of the students. They were wearing bikini tops. What kind of school spirit is that? I thought they were topless. If they weren’t willing to go whole hog for the team, they should have been thrown out.

This is a follow-up to the story I wrote about a few weeks ago where a bunch of male cops and one female were involved in a sex scandal in the Grand Rapids Police Department. Well, it has been resolved. And it was a gangbang. The one female dispatcher was apparently doing at least six guys at the station. That girl had an itch.

The sad story of Madeline McCann (Okay, I'm assuming it's sad, I hadn't really followed it that much) took a turn when the police started investigating her parents. Now, her mother is claiming that she's being persecuted by the police, and the reason is her breasts aren't large enough. I can't really argue with her reasoning because I'm a lot more forgiving of large breasted women.

Speaking of breasts, a dentist is in trouble for massaging the breasts of his patients. He's claiming that it's accepted practice that doing this can help alleviate a jaw condition. Once again, I can't argue with the reasoning because when I grope a girl in public, I routinely claim I'm trying to relieve stress (I just don't tell her it's my stress). Actually, the best part of the story is where a woman says she was fondled six times in the last two years and took to wearing tight shirts to keep him out which didn't work. Once again, not to blame the victim, but if you have been fondled by your dentist to the point you change what you wear to see him, shouldn't it occur to you to go to a different dentist?

I classify this story as "bizarre". Then I realized it was Norway and long winters lead to insanity. Some pre-school "expert" (Norwegian for crank) is saying pre-school children should be allowed to display their sexuality by dancing naked and playing with themselves openly at school. When I did that in kindergarten, I got in trouble. Of course, I was 28 at the time. Granted, they do want limits put on this, like no masturbation during lunch. That's good, because that could lead to some serious trouble. I found that out at a Subway last year.

Here is another good one. Some chef named Anthony Bourdain is ticked off at celebrity TV cook Rachael Ray for endorsing Dunkin Donuts. My natural assumption was that he realized Krispy Kreme makes better donuts, but that wasn't the case. He was worried about the children. Aren't they always worried about the friggin' children? Bourdain is concerned because Ray is influential with children. WTF? How is some TV cook influential with children? I've only heard of her because she's a hottie who was in FHM magazine once. What kind of child watches cooking shows?

I was unaware that Garth Brooks was still alive. I was even more unaware that people were still willing to spend money to watch him sing.

In a football related post, a Baylor assistant was arrested for taking a leak on the bar of a Waco drinking establishment. It's Waco. I figured that was legal. Plus, at a bar called Scruffy Murphy's, I figured it was expected.

Well, I never needed a team of researchers to tell me that Jessica Alba’s got a little wiggle in the walk. I’m sure every mathematician there was scrambling to get on this research team. “Let’s see, I could spend all day looking at esoteric formulas or watch hot women walk with an in depth focus on their rear? Gee, what will I do?”

When they were burning a couch down at UK, I figured it was another protest over a Kentucky Kernel editorial cartoon. I hadn't really paid much attention to that story because the Kernel showed some real journalism credibility (or lack of) by refusing to let anyone republish it even though it was a major news story (plus college newspapers have about as much journalism as the sports page). Then Joel Pett of the Lexington Herald-Leader cleverly included a re-drawing of it in his own editorial cartoon, so I could see it. And also ran a column by a Kernel editor who quit when they wouldn't let him defend his decision to run it. The column was pointless the moment the schmuck said the cartoon led to "conversation" about race relations. "Conversation" in place of debate or discussion is the new buzzword of the clueless.

I wouldn't have run the cartoon. Not because I fear offending anyone, but because the cartoon made no sense. You've got a slave auction with a black guy being bid on by three fraternity with white supremacists names. Was there a point to offend blacks? Doubtful any college newspaper would try to make that point. Sure, there were slavery images which supposedly are offensive, but considering how much the black civil rights leaders use slavery images, I don't see that as really offensive. Was it designed to go after the Greek system's lack of diversity? Knowing the mindset of college newsmen, probably, but it still doesn't make sense. If lily-white fraternities didn't want black members, why would they be bidding on one at an auction? This almost seems to be critical of a black student who would join a white fraternity and possibly go for the "best deal" to pledge. Of course, I doubt the cartoonist would be clever enough to think of that. So, why run a cartoon that doesn't make sense?

Contrast it with the one that the Daily Wildcat at the University of Arizona ran. A caption about a Jewish customer tipping too little after a meal. It's pretty obvious that the point of the cartoon is that Jews are lousy tippers. Which isn't true. Everyone knows women are the worst tippers. Of course, the big question is why a college newspaper felt the need to editorialize against cheap, Jewish restaurant patrons.

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Big Weekend In Lexington (I Should Have Left Town)

Actually, that's not true. While certain things going on were not my cup of tea, Keeneland was running. I love Keeneland. Although to be honest, I like it a lot more during the spring meet than the fall meet. To begin with, it's usually warmer during the spring meet except this year when there were snow flurries on the April 6th opening day (must be that global cooling the environmentalists warned us about in the 70s). Warm weather generally means young ladies wearing skimpy outfits with their knockers hanging out. Hey, I need something to capture my attention before the post parade. That'll do it. The other problem with the fall meet is FOOOOOOOOOOOTBALL. Mainly because it's on at the same time most days. Saturday's tough because college football has many games on (I wear out my remote finger). Too many to keep up in the Keeneland sports bar. NFL games are easier to watch there so I'm more likely to go on a Sunday , but I still prefer the spring when nothing else distracts me.

Of course, I can also go on a weekday, but I have to use vacation. Fortunately this past Friday my department at work had an "outing" to Keeneland. Even better, the Equestrian Bar charges the same for a Maker's and coke that they do for a Jack and coke. Nothing against Jack Daniels, but that's almost sacrilege. Even better, a big bet on a winner meant I didn't switch to beer. Ironically, it was against a work related horse (partially owned by some executive) in the fifth race. I wanted to bet him (but went with Calvin Borel instead) because the horses' name was Load of Chronic, and for some reason, I was one of the few in my group who understood what that meant. In a sense, I felt somewhat younger. Until I realized it was "College Day" which has the advantage of much younger ladies in the all too revealing outfits but is offset by assbag college guys in ill-fitting suits because they think that's what they should wear.

Another problem with Keeneland during football season is how often SEC white trash fans show up there because their team is playing UK. Friday was LSU. I'm sure they were excited to be there because at their Louisiana tracks, it's not often you have a race that isn't fixed. Fortunately, there weren't too many of them when I went downtown later that night (one good bourbon and coke leads to many others). I don't think I could have handled the smell. I ended up at some place called Harvey's which I've walked by, but never went into. Even though one of those other events that I chose to ignore (Big Blew Madness) was going on, that place was still packed. Not sure why. It's a nice bar, but it's nothing special. Okay jukebox (I think) until someone kept playing that song from the iPod Nano commercials. Reasonably priced drinks. Limited room and seating. I guess they get the overflow of weirdos that came down for a Talking Heads tribute band. Now, I like some punk bands. Like The Clash who could actually play their instruments. The Ramones. Social Distortion. Stuff like that. But I wouldn't walk across the street to see the Talking Heads. Let alone a tribute band.

But I digress. The other big event was the UK/LSU game (Big Blew Madness is a practice, people; it don't mean a thing). UK pulled off the big upset by playing a great game. For those who read the fantasy football/soft core porn website I keep for the long running TRU Fantasy Football League (no link, it's dirty), I made a point in week 2 that LSU would lose a game this year due to the ineptitude of coach Les Miles. It just came true. When you have a quarterback (Matt Flynn) who can only throw 25 yards, you have to rely on defense. LSU usually does. For some reason, they decided not to pressure Andre Woodson. It's a stupid move not to pressure mediocre quarterbacks. It's even worse when you're facing a good quarterback. I think everyone should have recognized LSU had issues. Their best tailback is a white guy. How do you expect to win with that? Especially when you decide to run on fourth and two and don't even use him.

On the flip side, I should be really happy that UL beat Cincinnati. After losing to weak ass Syracuse and Utah, I should be happy beating anyone. Maybe the city of Cincinnati was jinxed by the Reds hiring Dusty Baker. He knows how to manage a last place team. Still, there is something wrong here. I remember when UL had a great football team. It was way back in 2006. UL has the best college quarterback in the country. I would take Brian Brohm over half the guys (at least) in the NFL. They return several other key figures from a 12-1 Orange Bowl winning team. Yet, UL has fallen to the point that I'm happy to beat friggin Cincinnati? How did I get here

Thursday, October 11, 2007

News You Can Use - Maybe

I saw this story about some guy fleeing the police on his riding mower and was mildly amused, especially by the fact that the cops felt the need to give him a field sobriety test. He had a case of beer strapped to the front of the lawnmower. Then I saw the byline was West Virginia and decided this was probably a normal occurrence.

In Missouri, some Muslim inmate is suing because he thinks his jelly was made from gelatin which is made from pork. There's some prohibition against eating pork or products endorsed by Bill Cosby, I forget which. Of course, I have a hard time taking his religious fervor seriously since he's in jail on federal drug charges which usually means trafficking. Islam has this little problem with drugs. In fact, I think Mohammad called mind altering stuff "the most terrible of major sins". Here's my solution. Lets deport his ass to Saudi Arabia (a solution to many of our Islamic problems) and let him be devout there. His present occupation should go over well.

Can anyone verify where Dave Spitzer was on Saturday, September 29 a little after 8 pm? Not asking for any particular reason. Just curious.

A middle school near Chicago has decided to ban hugging. My first thought was "what's a hug line?" My second thought was "how am I supposed to cop a feel on a sixth grader if I can't hug one?" My third thought was "keep that last thought to yourself".

This is what a ban on hugging in schools could lead to. A first grade teacher in Indiana showed up wasted to school with beer in her purse. Doesn't she have a cooler?

Well, in my last posting, I mentioned there were articles that were so horrible that I have to debate whether to mention them. For some reason, The View seems to provide a bunch of them. This time, it was about Rosie O'Donnell reminiscing about her time on the show. She said early on that Barbara Walters would talk with her about which lubricants to use. Pardon me while retch repeatedly.

I love college football, but ESPN is ruining it for everyone by putting Lou Holtz on College Gameday. It's like watching a senile old man sputtering like Sylvester the cat because it is a senile old man sputtering like Sylvester the cat.

Sean Penn's favorite dictator, Hugo Chavez, is in the news today. Is it for shutting down another TV station? Or trying to nationalize private universities unless they agree to only teach his socialists policies? Actually, I wondered what American academics at our Ivy League schools thought of this, but then I remembered they already think teaching socialism is the law here. But it isn't either of those. It's not even his wack-ass scheme to move time back a half hour to gain "a more fair distribution of sunrise" which is pretty messed up. No, he's now in the news for criticizing the girls who get breast implants for their 15th birthday (apparently the Venezuelan version of a bat mitzvah). Damn shame that a teenage girl can't get the boob job she's been pining for the past two years. What should she get? A bicycle? Yeah, we definitely need fewer Latino hotties with big knockers. Thanks, Hugo.

Speaking of big boobs, police women in Scotland who are flat-chested have to wear yellow pants along with their fluorescent jackets so people driving by can see them. I think this is a good idea. I know that a big chested woman just stands out when I drive by. A lot easier to notice. In fact, I would take it a step further. Make the police women go topless. It would certainly catch my attention.

I bet if the parents of this 17 year old English girl had bought her a new rack, she would stop running away to Egypt after some natives who apparently didn't mind knocking boots with her, but didn't want to marry her. Actually, after reading the entire article, I have absolutely no sympathy for someone that stupid. I hope her parents leave her idiot ass down in Egypt. Make her stay in Egypt and get a job. I'm sure she can survive long enough to find another "fiance" especially since she apparently gives it up pretty easily.

Speaking of stupid teenagers, a new trend in Canada is to spray yourself (or your buddy) with body spray and set it on fire. Now, as a practicing pyromaniac, I can understand the fun with lighters and any type of aerosol spray, but I usually burned stuff other than myself. A small flame only irritates, a big ball of fire has a tendency to hurt.

Last month in Italy, they had a pasta strike. The price has gotten high, so don't buy it. At least they were smart enough to admit that a one day strike to change economic conditions is completely bogus and won't work (remember that when you get the email telling you not to buy gas on a certain day). However, what got me was the fact that strike organizers were setting up "emergency stands offering free bread and milk" for people suffering withdrawal. You have got to be kidding me. As one who has some Italian ancestry (well, that one guy who came over in the early 20th century to play a harp at a restaurant in Nashville and somehow ended up in Madisonville), I am embarrassed for the land of my forefather. Either you are too weak to go a day without pasta or you are too stupid to buy something else. They should be so proud.

There is something seriously wrong with this country when activists are trying to keep the Bowery in New York from changing. When an area of town is known for its "squalor", I have to think very few people will miss it.

Oklahoma winning the Red River Shootout over Texas reminded me of this story. Some dude was wearing a Longhorns T-shirt in an Oklahoma City bar (not the brightest move, but this is America and he has that right). He gets into a fight with an Oklahoma fan (and deacon of a church) and ends up with a torn scrotal sack (which pains me just typing those words). Got to love the picture in the article. Actually, considering how intense that rivalry can be, only tearing apart someone's manhood is probably seen as the Christian thing to do.

I realize I don't have a small wireless device, so checking my email while sitting on the john would be problematic unless I wanted to take my laptop in there. Since I don't really find the toilet seat that comfortable and surfing dirty websites might keep me in there for awhile, I probably won't be taking my laptop in there any time soon. However, I don't understand why someone would need to check his/her email while taking a dump. Can't you wait a few minutes until you are done?

Thursday, October 04, 2007

News of the Week

Ah, so nice to be back in civilization. North Carolina was nice. NC State has a nice stadium even though they don't serve booze. However, like WVU, they allow people to get stamped, leave and come back in. I think it's pretty obvious that people are leaving to drink. Does it make sense to not serve beer inside where the price will make people sip it, but let people go outside where they will most likely chug it to get as many down as possible? Who do you think are the bigger risks?

My tickets were in the lower corner section which gives you a pretty crappy angle, but on the plus side, the UL cheerleaders and dance team were about 20 feet away from me. Now, I wouldn't have minded being in the end zone section because on the other side of the end zone tunnel were some NC State students including a hot blond in tight short-shorts and a tied up T-shirt. My options were to squint hard or borrow my uncle's binoculars and look like a total pervert. I don't know why he kept complaining. I only used them during TV timeouts.

But on to the news. Some French mayor in Paris wanted to use a stinkbomb to run the homeless out of his suburb. Why the Hell would that work? If you have a lot of homeless around, how is a stinkbomb going to make the stench worse?

Johnson City, TN had a little problem going on. Well, other than its location in Eastern Tennessee. Apparently some of the city parks were gay cruising spots including one place infamously called the Man Cave. I still don't see the appeal of sex in a public toilet (or sex with men). When I think public toilet, the concept of dirty, nasty, dingy, smelly hole comes to mind which may explain the gay pickup aspect to it. One of the detainees was 85. Cruising for gay sex at 85? I guess I have to admire his energy. It wasn't just the pickup part of it that led to arrests. Some investigators were groped. How do you get undercover cops to go out on this assignment in the future? Hey, want to get your junk grabbed by a senior citizen?

When I think about the defenders of chastity and wholesomeness, the first ones I think of are flight attendants. When I first heard the story of the female passenger who was almost left off a Southwest flight for wearing an outfit that was too revealing, I wondered where the Hell women like that are when I fly. I always get stuck next to someone's grandmother or a screaming brat. Then I saw the outfit and realized someone had lost their friggin mind. I think they sell sluttier outfits at Gap For Kids. I'm also curious about why every story about the incident made a point to mention that she works part-time at Hooters. I could see the point of that if she'd worn her Hooters' outfit (too bad for her Hooters Air went out of business or she wouldn't have a problem), but otherwise, it doesn't really have a point. Oh well, at least Southwest hasn't started sacrificing goats.

When I think about an air guitar championship, the first word that comes to mind is LOSER. When I was seven, I used to play a tennis racket along with Chipmunks albums. Should I try out for this crap? Then I read that the winner gets a custom made guitar. Does anyone think he actually knows how to play a guitar?

I thought this story of a college student killing her roommate was sad. Then I noticed that they were part of a program "to help American Indians adapt to college life". I think that program may need some refinement unless the fact that she didn't scalp her (gratuitous ethnic remark) is a sign of adaptation. Another nice college story was about two guys busted for drugs at Northeastern. Apparently, one of them yelled outside his window that they had some pot for sale. No word yet whether they were studying agriculture or economics. Does make me question the standards at that school if two people that dumb are let in.

I love Youtube. Every gaff someone on air makes is saved for posterity. This was one of the better ones as a local newscaster tells the inspiring story of a man who overcame a handicap to climb Mt. Everest. His handicap? Gayness. Or blindness. They never did finish the story. I'm thinking blindness, because every knows homos have trouble climbing mountains. They have bad wrists.

This was a funny story, complete with pictures. Bear falls off bridge. Bear catches himself. Bear spends night on bridge struts. Bear gets drugged and pushed into a net. I like the fact that they left him up there and assumed he wouldn't be there the next day. Were there a bunch of drunks underneath screaming "Jump. Jump. Jump"?

There are certain stories that are so horrible that I think really hard before I write about them. This week, it was the report that Whoopi Goldberg announced on The Spew that she wanted to have a threesome with Nancy Pelosi and her husband. Give me second to finish dry heaving. Make it several minutes. God, I hope this never happens. Or at least a video of it never makes it out. Accidentally seeing it could make me join a monastery. On the plus side, at least The View got rid of that mouthy dyke with a penchant for making inappropriate comments on the show. Well, the white one anyway.

Maybe the thought of that threesome drove this guy to suicide. Time frame makes that unlikely. How long does it take to make a guillotine? And why not just get some pills? Plus, that's pretty low making a big disgusting beheading scene. Somebody has to find it. Someone else has to clean it up. Show some damn courtesy.

Why would someone steal a rabbit from a preschool? Well, unless they ate him. Rabbit is still a popular dish in France. Maybe some homeless Frenchman were driven away by a stinkbomb, ended up in Spokane and stole a rabbit for dinner. Hey, it could happen. Actually, my favorite part of the story was how PETA wouldn't endorse rabbit theft, but didn't seem to condemn it (obviously unaware of the of the French homeless dinner theory soon to be spreading on the internet).

Another sad story. This one about teenage boys in the semi-outlawed version of Mormonism being booted out of their home for alleged disobedience. Since this particular branch of the church believes in multiple wives (but not multiple husbands), disobedience is being born male. Stands to figure if you want a bunch of wives, get rid of the competition. I've always said one should be suspicious of a religious sect that has major tenets that seem to have been founded strictly to get the church leadership laid (blog on the Church of Marc coming soon).

Speaking of sects that were founded on the leader getting laid, a Saudi husband used Islamic law to divorce his wife. Usually the grounds for divorce are "she got fat", but in this case, it was all about infidelity. His wife was watching a male TV host. Alone. Unfortunately, she should probably consider herself lucky it was just divorce.

But for every divorce, there is a marriage. Well, statistically, that may not be true in this day and age, but nice thought. In this case, a 24 year old man married an 82 year old woman. The article doesn't mention the most pertinent question. How much was she worth? Well, that and whether or not they plan to have kids.

Finally, the midpoint between marriage and divorce. An affair. This was between a Colorado judge and prosecutor. I freely admit I may not be up on all the areas of judicial ethics, but there definitely seems to be a conflict of interest.