News of the Week

I shouldn't criticize UK fans for what happened after their big win over LSU. I should let them bask in the moment which are usually few and far between for UK football. However, I saw a story in the paper the next day which showed where a couch was burned in the street. That is the damn near patented celebration technique of West Virginia Brokeback Mountaineer fans. I got a copy of the Morgantown rag as I was heading back to Kentucky after the UL/WVU clash two years ago, and it said there were 20 cases of arson reported that involved a burning couch. It makes me really lose respect for the UK fans when they decide to emulate the most low rent fanbase in the country.

Food for thought. Cop goes into a McDonalds. Eats a burger that accidentally had a lot of salt on it. Gets sick. Blames it on the salt. Excuse me? It’s McDonalds. The thought of most of their food makes me sick. I would need a pound of salt on my burger just to make it edible. Oh, and then he arrests the girl who cooked the burger. I’ll ignore the obvious question (asked by the cook) of why he kept eating a burger that was making him sick. I’d really like to know if Fulton County’s crime problems are so small that sending the leftover part of a burger to the crime lab is really the proper response to this.

Of course, he might be thinking McDonalds is ripe for a lawsuit with the recent case up in Shepherdsville where the victim of a hoax was awarded over $6 million after someone claiming to be a cop called the restaurant and told them to strip search her. Well, not to blame the victim, but if I had a manager anywhere tell to take my clothes off, there would be an issue. Just to be clear to all my readers, your employer (especially a first line manager) cannot make you take your clothes off unless your a stripper and it's part of your contract. The worst part of this episode is that the assistant manager who made her strip got over a million because the jurors thought McDonalds should have told her specifically (it was in the manual) not to strip search employees or let her boyfriend get a hummer. Well, the jurors were stupid. I'm not expecting geniuses to be assistant managers at McDonalds, but a cook and the illiterate maintenance guy didn't fall for it.

Another food story. This guy was charged with assault for hitting his dad in the face with a bag of Cheetos while hopped up on meth. Obviously, if he was smoking pot, no way would he have let go the bag of Cheetos.

This is a near tragic story. These two girls just wanted to show some school spirit, so they did a full over body paint and went to a football game. They were thrown out even though male students painted up were allowed to stay. This is an injustice that should not be……….wait a minute……..I just saw that picture of the students. They were wearing bikini tops. What kind of school spirit is that? I thought they were topless. If they weren’t willing to go whole hog for the team, they should have been thrown out.

This is a follow-up to the story I wrote about a few weeks ago where a bunch of male cops and one female were involved in a sex scandal in the Grand Rapids Police Department. Well, it has been resolved. And it was a gangbang. The one female dispatcher was apparently doing at least six guys at the station. That girl had an itch.

The sad story of Madeline McCann (Okay, I'm assuming it's sad, I hadn't really followed it that much) took a turn when the police started investigating her parents. Now, her mother is claiming that she's being persecuted by the police, and the reason is her breasts aren't large enough. I can't really argue with her reasoning because I'm a lot more forgiving of large breasted women.

Speaking of breasts, a dentist is in trouble for massaging the breasts of his patients. He's claiming that it's accepted practice that doing this can help alleviate a jaw condition. Once again, I can't argue with the reasoning because when I grope a girl in public, I routinely claim I'm trying to relieve stress (I just don't tell her it's my stress). Actually, the best part of the story is where a woman says she was fondled six times in the last two years and took to wearing tight shirts to keep him out which didn't work. Once again, not to blame the victim, but if you have been fondled by your dentist to the point you change what you wear to see him, shouldn't it occur to you to go to a different dentist?

I classify this story as "bizarre". Then I realized it was Norway and long winters lead to insanity. Some pre-school "expert" (Norwegian for crank) is saying pre-school children should be allowed to display their sexuality by dancing naked and playing with themselves openly at school. When I did that in kindergarten, I got in trouble. Of course, I was 28 at the time. Granted, they do want limits put on this, like no masturbation during lunch. That's good, because that could lead to some serious trouble. I found that out at a Subway last year.

Here is another good one. Some chef named Anthony Bourdain is ticked off at celebrity TV cook Rachael Ray for endorsing Dunkin Donuts. My natural assumption was that he realized Krispy Kreme makes better donuts, but that wasn't the case. He was worried about the children. Aren't they always worried about the friggin' children? Bourdain is concerned because Ray is influential with children. WTF? How is some TV cook influential with children? I've only heard of her because she's a hottie who was in FHM magazine once. What kind of child watches cooking shows?

I was unaware that Garth Brooks was still alive. I was even more unaware that people were still willing to spend money to watch him sing.

In a football related post, a Baylor assistant was arrested for taking a leak on the bar of a Waco drinking establishment. It's Waco. I figured that was legal. Plus, at a bar called Scruffy Murphy's, I figured it was expected.

Well, I never needed a team of researchers to tell me that Jessica Alba’s got a little wiggle in the walk. I’m sure every mathematician there was scrambling to get on this research team. “Let’s see, I could spend all day looking at esoteric formulas or watch hot women walk with an in depth focus on their rear? Gee, what will I do?”

When they were burning a couch down at UK, I figured it was another protest over a Kentucky Kernel editorial cartoon. I hadn't really paid much attention to that story because the Kernel showed some real journalism credibility (or lack of) by refusing to let anyone republish it even though it was a major news story (plus college newspapers have about as much journalism as the sports page). Then Joel Pett of the Lexington Herald-Leader cleverly included a re-drawing of it in his own editorial cartoon, so I could see it. And also ran a column by a Kernel editor who quit when they wouldn't let him defend his decision to run it. The column was pointless the moment the schmuck said the cartoon led to "conversation" about race relations. "Conversation" in place of debate or discussion is the new buzzword of the clueless.

I wouldn't have run the cartoon. Not because I fear offending anyone, but because the cartoon made no sense. You've got a slave auction with a black guy being bid on by three fraternity with white supremacists names. Was there a point to offend blacks? Doubtful any college newspaper would try to make that point. Sure, there were slavery images which supposedly are offensive, but considering how much the black civil rights leaders use slavery images, I don't see that as really offensive. Was it designed to go after the Greek system's lack of diversity? Knowing the mindset of college newsmen, probably, but it still doesn't make sense. If lily-white fraternities didn't want black members, why would they be bidding on one at an auction? This almost seems to be critical of a black student who would join a white fraternity and possibly go for the "best deal" to pledge. Of course, I doubt the cartoonist would be clever enough to think of that. So, why run a cartoon that doesn't make sense?

Contrast it with the one that the Daily Wildcat at the University of Arizona ran. A caption about a Jewish customer tipping too little after a meal. It's pretty obvious that the point of the cartoon is that Jews are lousy tippers. Which isn't true. Everyone knows women are the worst tippers. Of course, the big question is why a college newspaper felt the need to editorialize against cheap, Jewish restaurant patrons.