Final Four & Other Stuff

Well, UK didn't make the Final Four and UL didn't sniff it. Who could have predicted it? Well, I kind of did. And said watch out for Northern Iowa to boot. Of course if I knew what the Hell I was talking about, I would have won the big pool and not just Jon's where everyone except me picked Kansas or UK. Helps to pick two of the Final Four teams even if your eventual champion pick blows it. UL losing wasn't a surprise to me. They did what they do. Came out unprepared. Flat. Looked like crap. I wish Pitino would take the St. John's job. Then we could hire the Butler coach.

UK losing wasn't that big of a surprise either although I thought UK had a better chance of winning it all than UL did of beating Duke. And just what I said before is what did them in. Inexperience and cold shooting. But I didn't mention poor coaching. West Virginia got hot in the first half from the three point line which was unexpected. But why didn't UK press the whole game? WVU had one ball handler and he wasn't that great of a dribbler. Even when he was out with foul trouble, UK didn't press for several minutes. And I almost forgot, UK really lost because of a conspiracy by the NCAA, the selection committee, a referee on the take and the Illuminati. I read that on the Cats' Pause message board.

I see that Jay Leno is getting the Tonight Show back in the ratings. But who knows if that will last. I just never really got the whole Leno/Conan issue. On a side note, I will call him Conan because I don't want to use extra apostrophes. I didn't really watch either of them. Both were amusing in their own way, but I didn't think it was enough to watch either of them if something else was on. The only late night show I miss was G.L.O.W. with it's awesome plots and insightful dialogue. But I did not understand all the people who were so pissed off that NBC was bringing Leno back over Conan. Really. Why do I get the feeling that those people didn't really watch the Tonight Show? That they just had a feeling that they liked Conan better? Oh right. Because NBC brought Leno back because the ratings were in the toilet. If you really like Conan better, maybe you should watch.

Shitbox. Ha ha.

Anyway, sounds like UK could be losing just about all of their team. Who could have thought that. Besides me, and even I didn't think Dodson and Orton might go too. Which means on the plus side for UK fans, Calipari won't be getting an NBA job soon. After all, if you can't beat West Virginia with an NBA roster. How are you going to beat NBA teams with one?

Sounded like a bad story to begin with. A Thai monk was arrested for selling tiger skins. Then came the good news. It was only dog and cow skins made up to look like tiger skins to fool the stupid. Well, not so good for the dogs and cows, I guess. But at least they had hamburgers first.

Why didn't I think of this? Explaining away my criminal (alleged) behavior because I was stabbed by a teenage girl while trying to entice her into a threesome. Although in hindsight, she could have just said no.

Suppose that before the NCAA tournament started, we were told only one #1 seed would make the Final Four? I'm guessing that if we were polled on which that would be, Duke would have been last. Yet, there they are. And no, I'm not buying the belief they had a much easier road than anyone else. I could look at anyone's region and find reasons to make that claim. Yes, Duke's region had what looks like the weakest two seed, but Villanova was a #2 seed in the Big East tournament which was ahead of WVU (the #2 seed in UK's bracket). But when you get to the Elite Eight, you're facing a team that is either very good or very hot. And UK's region had two mid-majors (New Mexico was the weakest 3 seed ever) and a Big 10 team incapable of winning on the road in the 3-5 ranges. And I could make similar claims about the other regions.

Then there is the fat woman. Now, I don't usually make fat slurs because........well, I'm fat. But some woman is just trying to be ridiculed. She wants to be the fattest woman in the world. After seeing her picture, I'm amazed she isn't already. But she's got a boyfriend who is all for it because he's a "belly man". Not sure if she has a belly or is just a corpulent mass. Now, I'm all for people doing whatever whackjob thing they want to do. But I cannot believe she makes money by getting guys to pay to watch her eat.

What's the problem with government? Well, a lot of things. But here's one. Too many A-holes. Some jerkwad in California wants to do away with the scourge of America - free parking. Why do I get the feeling that the California legislature has their own parking garage?

Of course, maybe the problem is that jerkoff doesn't have a parking garage builder in his district. That seems to be the case of Illinois (Land Of Obama soon to replace Land of Lincoln on license plates) where some asshat legislator is trying to claim a tire burning plant is clean energy. As someone who has set fire to a variety of things, burning tires aren't clean. Apparently, pollution is okay if you're trying to get votes.

What a strange story. A bunch of companies are saying that the new health care reform act that will spend a trillion or more dollars to cover maybe half the uninsured people will cost them money? How is that possible? Shouldn't this bill lead to magic and unicorns? Gee, you pass a bill that adds to a company's bottom line. That must lead to good things. I'm sure these companies will rush right out and hire more employees to help get the economy back on its feet. Get a clue people. When you raise the cost of doing business, people find a way to do it cheaper. So, don't act surprised when the company continues having the business done in cheaper countries.

Oh, and drop the prescription drug coverage for retirees and let them go on the Medicare drug plan. Which is why there was a subsidy to companies. To keep them from doing just that when the prescription drug plan for Medicare was implemented. Now they will and the government will be on the hook for all the costs instead of just part of it. Of course that amount wasn't part of the original cost estimate for the health care plan. Which means that the already BS assumptions are even further off.

But what the Hell. Why not trade jobs for socialized medicine? It's working so well for England where they can't even diagnose pregnancy. Because it's so similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome or the rampaging shits. But at least no concerns about drowning since they sometimes decide you don't need water.

I don't really understand the level of animosity that people here have for Duke. That game was 18 years ago. Get over it. Although I guess the Duke hatred is national which I can't figure out. I'm pretty indifferent to Duke for the most part. The only UL-Duke game I remember is UL winning the 1986 championship. So, maybe I don't have that history of heartbreak others do. But why do so many hate Duke? Because their fans are a bunch of blue blood rich kids? A lot of them are, but I doubt if they have as many as Cornell which was a fan fave (outside of Kentucky) in the tournament. Is it because their fans are arrogant? Well, they may be but I can find (another) closer fanbase that seems pretty arrogant to me. Duke's can't be any worse. Is it because they win? They have for a long time, but Michigan State has been to six Final Fours in the past twelve years. Why doesn't anyone hate them? And so many hate Coach K (as always, I do not want to spell his name). That seems almost un-American to me. Sure he has some less than desirable coaching qualities (sideline demeanor, win at all costs attitude) but are they that much different from any successful coach? Personally, I find a lot to admire about him. A West Point grad who served his Army hitch and then returned become head coach there. And is still very involved with the academy. He also took over one of the most thankless jobs out there - coaching the US Olympic basketball team. That is the worst job in the world since NBA players started being used. If you don't win the gold medal, you're a failure. I used to think Larry Brown was one of the best coaches out there. After watching his dysfunctional mess in the 2004 games, I wouldn't hire him to coach a junior high team. But when you win like Coach K did in 2008, it's only because you had Kobe Bryant and Lebron James. Seems his services to his country should be enough to keep him from being evil incarnate in people's eyes, but I guess not.

NFL & other stuff

The big news in the NFL offseason was that the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) has expired, and with no extension, it's an uncapped year. That means no salary cap for 2010. I had someone ask me if that means Dallas or Washington will do like the Yankees and buy a Super Bowl championship. The idea being that they sign a bunch of top free agents to huge one year contracts. Will that happen? In a word, no. To begin with, it doesn't void all the contracts that a team has. So Washington and Dallas already have large amounts of money owed to their players (with some guaranteed). Do they cut them and pay them not to play for them to get a better free agent? Even Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder aren't going to blow huge chunks of money on a one year upgrade because what happens the year after? They won't have any players. This is why Jones is already budgeting.

This must be why I'm a UL fan.

Of course, the main reason that the Cowboys and Redskins won't be able buy up free agents is because there aren't any. Dallas isn't the only team with players under contract. The lack of a CBA does not mean Drew Brees is suddenly available. Look at the list of top free agents. The top free agent quarterback is always injured Chad Pennington. I don't think Tony Romo is a very good quarterback, but Pennington wouldn't be an upgrade. That list is littered with backups and over-the-hill players. Plus, the expired CBA had a nice kicker in it. Players used to need only four or five years to be unrestricted free agents. This year? It's six. Unless a team wants to give up a bunch of draft picks, they aren't going after a lot of restricted free agents.

"Dogs Are Happy, Cats Are Evil." Glad to see I'm not the only one to recognize it.

Long term, I'm sure the big spending NFL teams could dominate, but that still depends on a lot of things. Namely talent evaluation. Back in the late 80s/early 90s (right before a salary cap was instituted), the top two teams were the Cowboys and 49ers who were the big spenders. However, while those teams would pick up the occasional Deion Sanders, they stayed good because they were able to retain their own players. Dallas could keep Emmitt Smith and the top O-line in the NFL. San Francisco could keep let Joe Montana go because they were able to keep an NFL Hall of Famer, Steve Young, as a backup for four years. Well, Dallas and Washington have been the big spenders in recent years even with the cap. And two playoff wins combined this century. That's because they sign big contracts to players that don't fit in with their team.

A Cuban dissident dies on a hunger strike? No way. Isn't that a Marxist paradise?

But they do need to get the salary cap back, but not just for the ceiling. Baseball's problem isn't just the Yankees. It's the Royals and the Pirates and such. Not only did the NFL have a cap on salaries, they had a floor. So cheap asses like Cincinnati could pay almost nothing on players to enhance profits. Which could have meant zero winning seasons in the salary cap era as opposed to the two they got. But one uncapped year isn't going to start a feeding frenzy by big dollar teams. But what it will do is allow teams who screwed up their cap before get healthy. For example, most people thought the Panthers would keep Jake Delhomme no matter how bad he was last year because he was owed $20 million guaranteed. In the past, they'd keep a player like that because they prorated that guaranteed money over the life of the contract so it wouldn't count as much against the yearly cap. Cut him now and and everything comes due when you don't have to worry. Based on how crappy he was last year, they have to pay him anyway, but now they won't have to worry about him getting on the field.

Awesome. Some people are up in arms over black Barbie being sold for a couple of bucks less than the same white version. Yeah, okay. The reason is the black version isn't selling well so they discounted it. But a simple answer is never a good excuse. People with too much time on their hands are making a big deal about it and saying Walmart should be sensitive and leave the price the same whether or not they can sell at that price. They even dredged up an old 1940s study that found most black children wanted white dolls. Of course, the article runs three pages without realizing the answers why the black doll isn't selling are right in the story. Mattel came out with a new line of black dolls that are selling well. Gee, is that how sales work? You come out with a new product that is selling while an old product isn't, and some idiots expect you to keep selling the new one at a price which means it won't sell? No wonder they're in academia. They couldn't survive the real world.

Speaking of idiots, there was an incident at a Washington DC mosque where some Muslim women had the cops sicced on them. Why? They tried to pray in the men's area of the place. Now I'm all for allowing religions to make their own worship rules so I'll leave that part alone. No, the real idiot of the story is the woman leading the charge. She converted to Islam back in the '90s. What a friggin' genius. That was around the time I visited a mosque for a history class. Want to know a little secret? They didn't allow women in the men's area then either. Why would you convert to a religion that doesn't allow the genders to worship together if that is something you feel strongly about? Oh, unless you are a complete idiot who just wants attention.

I mentioned before that a Cuban dissident died on a hunger strike in a Cuban prison. I wondered how Fidel Castro's idiot Hollywood morons would deal with that story. Then I realized they would ignore it. After all, they are morons for a reason. They don't have the intelligence gene. Well, I have a feeling how one of his buttboys would react. Sean Penn would go in full retard mode and declare the dissident deserved it. Hell, he'd probably say it was a shame that he wasn't killed to begin with. Why would I think this? Oh, because Penn actually said he hoped his critics died of ass cancer and followed that up with a belief that people should be jailed for calling Hugo Chavez of Venezuela a dictator. I guess shutting down opposition media and beating down opposition to his power grab isn't something common to dictators. I could point out the fact that Penn seems immune to the irony of him defending a "dictator" thru the use of dictatorial powers, namely locking up reporters for disagreeing with him. But irony is often lost on the stupid.

Haven't I warned people about the animals waging war against us? Now, you have an otter attacking some geriatric on a walk. When will you people realize they are after us?

Some dude got busted for stealing shredded cheese and got over seven years in jail. Man, that better be good cheese. Actually, it seems silly to lock a man up that long for putting cheese in his pants, but he is a lifelong criminal so I don't care. Plus, even if he is bipolar, so what. If someone like that can't keep from committing crimes due to their mental problems and they won't keep them locked up in the mental ward, prison may be the best option to protect the public from them.

Here's a dirty story. A woman was in a car wreck in Florida. Because she was shaving. Down there. Even better, her ex-husband was in the car. And she was driving to meet her boyfriend. I would say that's a dysfunctional relationship, but I suspect ex-husband is a euphemism for pimp and boyfriend is a euphemism for client.

And finally because you know you want it, the obligatory porn story. In England some woman is running for Parliament despite a long career in porn. Of course, I immediately checked out the story and was surprised that I didn't think she was very attractive. Then I read that she just produces them and never acts. Strangely enough, I lost interest.

College Basketball & Other Stuff

As I sit here with the UK-Florida game on in the background, I'm reminded how funny I thought it was when several UK fans I know were irate that Billy Donovan turned down UK's coaching job. Donovan does have three trips to the NCAA Finals with two titles. But still.............I just think he's been a bit lucky on timing. Let's face it, Donovan's second title was pure luck. Teams typically cannot win titles and their stars from jumping to the NBA. Florida would have been in the NIT if the four stars had jumped to the pros after the 2006 title. For Donovan to keep two championship teams together twice is a slim to none chance. So, would UK fans really live with a title, a final four and only one other trip out of the first weekend in 13 seasons?

Hmp. Florida just pulled within three. Should have watched more closely.

The other thing about this is that it's Senior (and Patrick Patterson) Day. But everyone knows that John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins are going pro too. I'm guessing Eric Bledsoe is too unless he completely flops in the tournament. Well, everyone knows this except Alan Cutler who did a report saying Cousins was coming back. He based that on a statement from Calipari. A writer for the Cat's Pause told me everyone in the room except Cutler realized Calipari was just joking. How does he stay on the air? Is there really a market for sportscasters who are clueless and utterly inept?

But there are fringe benefits to players staying behind at UK. You can keep getting jobs later in life because you were a Wildcat basketball player. I think Cameron Mills still does commercials for funeral homes, and he kind of stunk. Or you can be Jared Prickett. He discusses UK basketball for one of the morning news shows. Back when UK had one loss and was ranked second in the country, he stated with authority that UK could lose another game and still get a #1 seed in the tournament. At the time Kansas had one loss and Syracuse had two. No one else had fewer than three. So, he was saying that a UK team tied for the second fewest losses in the country would still get a #1 seed in the tournament. Way to go out on limb. What other pearls of wisdom will he have? That if UK wins four NCAA tournament games, they have a good shot at the Final Four? I guess he figures Cutler can't last forever and he can easily fill that role.

Not sure if this is a basketball story or a porn star story. But an assistant at Kansas met porn star Samantha Ryan on a plane and gave her tickets to the Kansas-Kansas St game on Senior Day. According to both sides, it was a "random act of kindness". Sure it was. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know she did porn. I looked her up (for research purposes only), and I didn't really know who she was. Seems to have done a lot of young/old lesbian movies so maybe he had a fetish. But even if not, I did notice one thing. She's a young attractive blond with a porn star body. I'm sure that had nothing to do with a married father of five giving prime tickets to the most anticipated game of the season to some woman he met on a plane and never expected to see again. Hell, I'm sure no one else wanted them.

But here's a porn story with an Olympic twist. A Norwegian cross-country skier finished second. He said it was because he was watching porn too much while there. Actually, he said he heard it next door. Is this what Norwegian skiers do? Sit around and watch porn together? And how did it affect his skiing? Keep him from training? Too much monkey spanking (with another guy in the room)? Too much pot smoking while watching? I mention this last thing because drugs had to be responsible for the last line of his statement - "By the way Tiger Woods is a really good man." Uh-huh. I'm sure Tiger wants someone rushing to his defense while talking about porn. Or maybe he's giving Woods a thumbs up because he now knows how tough it must have been to keep playing a sport at a high level while spending your off time with a perpetual hard on. Or maybe he watched Tiger's Wood, thought it was really Woods and was impressed.

Well, UK won. Prickett declared the lead was safe about five minutes after the buzzer. Northern Iowa is now playing Wichita State. Might have to keep an eye on Northern Iowa in the tournament. Not many teams have Kane from the WWF on their team. But have to watch a lot of teams out there. I think the tournament is wide open. I don't think any of the top teams have separated themselves from the field. Sure I could see a Kansas or Kentucky win it all. But I could also see a probable three seed like Ohio State or Villanova making a run to the title. Or see them being a 1 or 2 seed when this week is done. But I can't see Syracuse. They lost to Louisville twice. Which shows me Louisville can beat anybody. Too bad they have a bunch of other games (Western Carolina; St. John's) that show they can lose to anyone too. Tough to put them past the Sweet 16 since they haven't put together three good games in a row of late. On talent alone, UK should be in the Final Four. Four potential first round picks? Hell, they should win it all. I won't pick them to. Poor three point shooting and freshman decision making will do them in at some point. For Calipari's sake, he'd better make the Final Four this year especially if Wall, Cousins, Patterson and Bledsoe go pro after this season. He's only got one recruit signed for next year. Obviously, he's got a shot at a couple of other top ones, but he's not going to get three guys who are projected first round picks as freshmen again. And he won't have a Patrick Patterson sticking around. And as pissed as UK fans got when UK lost to South Carolina, imagine if their unbeatable team doesn't make it to the final weekend.

I love stories like this one. The LA school district has suspended three teachers for giving students pictures of RuPaul, Dennis Rodman and OJ Simpson to wave around at the Black History Month parade. Frankly I don't see what the big deal is. This is Los Angeles, and RuPaul is the most famous cross-dresser ever. Sounds like the NAACP may have some homophobia issues. As for Rodman, he was a two time Defensive MVP. Plus he wrestled against both Randy Savage and Curt Hennig before going onto his greatest accomplishment ever - commissioner of the Lingerie Football League. RuPaul and Rodman can show the little freaky kids of the world that their emotional dysfunction won't stop them from getting a reality show. As for Simpson, I saw the reaction to his acquittal for murder. He's a bigger hero in LA's black community than Martin Luther King Jr.

This is cute. Jon Cryer called the cops because he thinks his ex-wife may have "hired a hitman to kill him." As opposed to hiring him to mow the grass I guess. I like how his ex-wife said she doesn't know anything about threats. Which means Cryer must be safe. If I had hired a hitman, I'd freely admit it to TMZ. Personally, I can't imagine anyone being that passionate about Jon Cryer to pay to have him killed. Maybe it was a drug addled Charlie Sheen thinking Cryer was one of his exes (wives, girlfriends, tranny hooker etc).

Do I think Jim Bunning is a bad person? Well, he is a UK fan. But I won't hold it against him for that silly crap about holding up an extension of unemployment benefits. It was the biggest nothing story ever. All he wanted was for Congress to say where the money was coming from. But the reason that it's a nothing story is because of the serial whiners saying people wouldn't get their unemployment checks. Please. To begin with, his initial objection just kept the extension from being passed by voice vote. Heaven forbid Congress actually cast a vote in person. But ask yourself these two questions. If the situation was so dire, why did they wait until the last minute to vote on it? It's not like they didn't know well in advance that it was coming up. Hell, this extension is just for a month. If it's so important, vote for a longer period. Oh right, now I remember. They passed pay as you go legislation a couple of weeks ago saying you have to say where the money is coming from. Except in emergencies. So if you make sure all your spending items are "emergencies" by waiting until the last minute, you can exempt them. Smart. The other question to ask is if the sky was falling, why didn't they schedule an actual vote on the extension once they knew Bunning wouldn't allow it to pass on a voice vote? He did it on a Thursday so have a roll call vote on Friday. He might filibuster, but 60 votes would stop that. Didn't everyone but Jim want this? So why wait until the next week to vote on this indispensable legislation? Guess it's not as important as a four day weekend.

But it did give certain people a chance to beclown themselves. The best was Paul Krugman who has been a clown for years. He decided to poo-poo the thought that long term unemployment benefits might lead to people not looking for work. Which is an interesting concept. The problem with hiring a professor as a newspaper columnist is that they have this thing called a history. Meaning they've written books and academic papers. Which could indicate a completely different belief from the past. Oh, like a textbook that states that long term unemployment benefits might lead to people not looking for work. As Paul Krugman once wrote in such a textbook. Now, does this mean I suddenly think he's a hypocrite for going against previous beliefs to toe the liberal party line? Nope. I've always thought he was a hypocrite who was going against previous beliefs to toe the liberal party line.

But is there really a place in politics for economics? Apparently not. Philadelphia is looking to raise revenue by instituting a 2 cents per ounce tax on cokes and other drinks with sugar. For two reasons. One is to stop people from being fat. The other is to raise $77 million in revenue. Gee, why am I not buying this? Let's face it. I'm a fat guy (but an incredibly handsome one). I only drink coke in a bourbon and coke. Outside of that, I drink sugar free kool-aid, water and coffee. Oh, and lots of booze and beer. And I exercise almost none. So, blaming sugar filled drinks for fat people is not recognizing that total lifestyle choices cause people to be fat. As for tax generation, they're idiots. I've mentioned before that governments can't estimate how much money a tax will generate because they stupidly assume that people's behavior will not change. Guess what? Philadelphia isn't that big. Want to know the people who most want this tax? Stores right across the county line because if you add $2.40 to a six pack, people will load up on soda there and take it with them into Philadelphia. Good job. You just sent your tax revenue and your business revenue to another county. And you'll still have fat people.

How about some dick stories? Remember the old Ren & Stimpy cartoon about not peeing on the electric fence? Well, if you knock down a power pole, you may not want to piss on the downed power line either. Or stick your dick in a pipe. Using an industrial grinder to free my junk does not sound like a pleasant afternoon. I like how it mentions that the guy didn't tell anyone how his dick ended up stuck in a pipe. Why would he? I think we all know. He was horny, had a pipe but no woman and stuck his dick in a pipe. Or fell on it. It happens to the best of us.