Sunday, December 20, 2009

Bowl Games - Pre New Year's Day

Yeah, I missed the first two bowl games, but now I'm ready to go.

New Orleans Bowl (Dec 20) - Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee
CUSA against Sun Belt. My first thought is that Southern Miss lost to Louisville so they must suck. But the Sun Belt is pretty damned bad so take Southern Miss.

Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 22) - BYU vs. Oregon State
This is the fifth straight Las Vegas Bowl for BYU. Why do I get the feeling that this isn't what Vegas was expecting when they created this bowl? The point of it was to bring tourists into Sin City. Not a bunch of Mormons. And they get to play the easy to make fun of Beavers. And I think lose to the easy to make fun of Beavers.

Poinsettia Bowl (Dec 23) - Utah vs. California
For the record, I still pronounce poinsettia without emphasizing the second "i". If you don't like it, I'll tell you wear you can shove that silly looking weed. Utah is playing for their 8th straight bowl win. Seeing as they are from a non-BCS conference, that might not seem as impressive, but two of those wins were actually in BCS bowls. If Jahvid Best was playing for Cal, I might pick them, but after that nasty injury, he's out. So are Cal's chances.


Hawaii Bowl (Dec 24) - Nevada vs. SMU
Since the founding of the Hawaii Bowl in 2002, this is only the third time the University of Hawaii hasn't played in it. So, attendance will suck as no one from Nevada or Dallas is going to fly to Hawaii to watch these dogs. No big wins by either team but SMU was crapass Washington State's only win so I pick SMU to lose this game.

Little Caesars Bowl (Dec 26) - Marshall vs. Ohio
Pizza Pizza. This used to be called the Motor City Bowl, but no automotive company could afford to sponsor it. Actually I was hoping Toyota would offer to just to see if they'd let them. So, now it's the second pizza bowl. Oh, and you have a decent MAC team facing a 6-6 CUSA team that has already fired its coach. So, I'll go with Ohio since they haven't fired their coach.

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Dec 26) - Pittsburgh vs. North Carolina
So, none of the big 3 auto makers can afford to sponsor a bowl game, but a muffler shop can. Well, nobody has semi-nationalized muffler shops. Yet. So, Pitt is more talented. And they have Dave Wannstadt. I think they have enough talent to overcome that shortcoming.

Emerald Bowl (Dec 26) - Southern Cal vs. Boston College
I love almonds. So, Southern Cal travels up the coast to San Francisco. BC travels across the entire country. BC still usually wins bowl games they have to travel to. Southern Cal will mail it in. Take BC.

Music City Bowl (Dec 27) - Kentucky vs. Clemson
Eventually UK fans may stop going to Tennessee to watch these bowl games. Probably when Joker becomes head coach and takes the ball out of his best players hand all the time and they stop making any bowl games. Now I think the ACC stinks. But Clemson finished their season losing a game that would have sent them to a BCS bowl while UK lost a game that could have put them in the Outback Bowl. I think Clemson.

Independence Bowl
(Dec 28) - Texas A&M vs. Georgia
Nothing says Revolutionary War to me like Shreveport, LA. Georgia completely underachieved this year by limping home at 7-5. Texas A&M didn't underachieve but that's because no one thought they were worth a crap. And going 6-6 doesn't mean that thinking was wrong. Expect lots of offense because neither team has much defense. After seeing A&M light up Texas to end the season, I'll take them in this one.

EagleBank Bowl (Dec 29) - Temple vs. UCLA
Wait. Temple made a bowl game? How the Hell did that happen? And I'm picking them to win? I just don't have a lot of faith in a 6-6 team that needed Army to lose to Navy to make a small bowl game on the other side of the country.

Champs Sports Bowl (Dec 29) - Miami vs. Wisconsin
Hmmm. Two 9-3 teams. Both ranked. Wisconsin only played two teams worth a crap. Lost both. Miami only played two teams worth a crap. Beat one of them. Hmmm. That's enough for me. Take Miami.

Humanitarian Bowl (Dec 30) - Idaho vs. Bowling Green
On the surface, this game seems boring. Until you realize it's the Idaho Vandals versus the Bowling Green Falcons. Idaho is a team named after European barbarians based in Moscow. Bunch of Eurotrash loving commies. Falcons? The name of a Ford automobile (okay, a dumpy little car) and the F-16 fighter jet. And what says America more than lawn bowling? Go with the Falcons.

Holiday Bowl (Dec 30) - Nebraska vs. Arizona
I must admit that I haven't seen Arizona play much. I have seen Nebraska. Brutal. All defense. No offense. But enough to win a very low scoring affair.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31) - Air Force vs. Houston
Rematch from last year's Armed Forces Bowl won by Houston. Third straight year for Air Force to be in this one and they've lost the last two which doesn't make sense. It's the Armed Forces Bowl you dumb ass flyboys. But I digress. I think the point a minute offense that Houston runs will make it three straight losses for Air Force in this bowl.

Sun Bowl (Dec 31) - Oklahoma vs. Stanford
This bowl is sponsored by Brut which means it is called the Brut Sun Bowl. But I'm a traditionalist so I'm calling it the Brut by Faberge Sun Bowl. As bad as Oklahoma was this year with Sam Bradford being injured, I think his Heisman win last year was well deserved. And since he's still injured, I'm picking Stanford.

Texas Bowl (Dec 31) - Navy vs. Missouri
I can't think of much that Missouri has done this year. And Navy is fun to watch. Seems like a good enough reason to pick Navy if even if naval tradition was described by Winston Churchill as "It's all rum, sodomy and the lash."

Insight Bowl (Dec 31) - Minnesota vs. Iowa State
I thought the Insight Bowl has some better picks than this. Two 6-6 teams. A crappy Big Ten team versus a crappy Big 12 team. I guess they figured two fan bases of the upper midwest would be ecstatic to go to Arizona in late December. And they might do so. And skip the game. Heads says Iowa State.

Chick-fil-A Bowl (Dec 31) - Tennessee vs. Virginia Tech
The ACC stinks but I think Virginia Tech was at least the second best team in it. I don't think Tennessee was the second best SEC team. So go with Tech.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

College Football & Other News

I thought Saturday would be the first UL/UK football game that I would attend without drinking any alcohol before going in. My dad was in town for the game and we went for breakfast buffet at Frisch's Big Boy which surprisingly does not serve alcohol. Then we went to the Red Mile where UL fans traditionally tailgate except there were a lot fewer people. But fortunately enough to give me a jump when the battery of my car died. But with few people tailgating, we just decided to wander over the railroad tracks and head to the stadium. But in the Commonwealth parking lot, a UK fan obviously didn't like the fact that I wasn't drinking so he made me drink one of his beers. Which I did because he was playing the good host so I should be the considerate guest.

There's a moral to the story above. If a host offers you a gift, you should take it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, KRAGTHORPE, YOU STUPID BASTARD? When your opponent turns the ball over three straight series, you take advantage of it. Four trips inside the 15 yard line resulting in 6 points? Great play calling. How about an option on fourth and 1? Or even better, how do you get a delay of game penalty after you spiked the ball with 8 seconds left in the game and no timeouts? What were you going to run besides the hail mary pass? This game was exciting because it was close. It was poorly played. Neither team tackled well. Clock management is apparently a lost art form in the Bluegrass State. Neither team could get much of a pass rush. I believe in moral victories if you're struggling and come up just short to top 20 teams. I don't believe in moral victories when you lose to UK.

I knew UL wasn't good. They beat Indiana State 30-10. ISU has since lost two games against to Division I-AA schools by a combined 70-0. If I was UK, I might be concerned since they needed a muffed punt to set up their go-ahead touchdown. Otherwise, they might have lost to a bad UL team. I'll be surprised if either team goes bowling. UK obviously has a better chance. They shouldn't lose to LA-Monroe or EKU so they'll got 4-0 nonconference. That means if they beat Mississippi State, they just need to upset another SEC team to get to 6-6. I still don't understand the whole love affair with Rich Brooks at UK. I just think if you accept a guy who can schedule six wins (when UL is down) with a couple of years getting to eight, that's what you're going to get. There are plenty of coaches who can do that.

I think the biggest upset of the whole weekend was Tennessee only losing to Florida 23-13. Supposedly, Florida was going to run up the score on Tennessee as payback for new Lane Kiffin coach saying some not-so-nice things about Florida in the offseason. One was falsely accusing Florida coach Urban Meyer of cheating. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. What he brought up may not have been cheating but Meyer coaches an SEC team so you know he's cheating. Kiffin also said at his first press conference something about hearing Rocky Top sung after beating Florida this year. Because most coaches use their first press conference after taking a new job to tell how they plan to lose to their new conference rival. Following the much closer than expected game, Florida players and coaches pretended that they just wanted to come out with a win. Revisionist history at its best. Everyone knew they wanted to beat Tennessee by a lot, and they didn't. While I have to still consider Florida the favorite to win the title this year, it's definitely not set in stone.

Now on to some non-sports stories because Lisa might be reading. Here's a story that may make her stop reading. A mayor in Oregon is under fire from parents for showing up to speak to students dressed in a bikini top, heels and miniskirt. What's worse? He's a transgendered male. What's worse than that? He's a horribly ugly middle aged male dressing up like that. I would vomit if that thing showed up in a bikini top and miniskirt. But he thinks it's perfectly acceptable because he's a complete moron.

Let's find a better miniskirt story to try to get that image out of my mind before I throw up. Here's one. Some sheriff deputies were driving back to Midland from gun training and stopped at a restaurant called Twin Peaks which sounds like a wholesome family restaurant. After having a few beers and possibly chicken fried steak, one of the deputies allowed one of the waitresses to pose with a rifle on his squad car. Now, I'm not saying this was the smartest thing to do, but I want to know if the rifle was loaded, because if it wasn't, she was there with a club. And who called the cops? She was holding a rifle on a police car. Did someone think it was gang activity? It's a hot chick sitting on a car with a rifle. This is Texas. That happens.

At least that restaurant visit didn't lead to an arrest like this one in Detroit. A guy gets a date with some chick he recently met. They go to Buffalo Wild Wings. I don't know why since that place doesn't carry the pepperoni pockets anymore. He claims to have left his wallet in her car. She gives him her keys to get it. He drives off with her car. And women thought dating me was bad. Showing what a brilliant thief he is, he forgets that he previously sent her a picture of himself.

This was awhile back but still interesting how stupid people are. Scotland was lambasted by our FBI director for releasing the Lockerbie bomber. Apparently some people believe that if you murder 270 people with an airline bomb, you should serve more than seven years. Granted, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have let him stay in jail for that long. He'd be in the ground. Scotland maintains that it often gives compassionate release to terminally ill convicts. Yeah, I'm not sure this is the same as releasing some guy who cheated on his taxes. It makes it a little more unseemly when he's given a hero's welcome upon his return to Libya. The idiot who let him go was shocked, shocked that they broke their agreement not to give him one. Has he missed the decades of Qaddafi rule? He's not known for keeping agreements. What I love is the idiot bomber who was greeted by Qaddafi who acted like a long lost relative. Is he forgetting that Qaddafi is the one who turned him over for trial? And if the bomber was truly innocent, Qaddafi could have cleared him because by paying restitution, Qaddafi admitted he knows who really planned the bombing.

Oh, and we're finding out that the British may (and by may, I mean they did) have let him go as part of an oil deal with Libya. I guess it might be better to think they were corrupt rather than stupid.

Why would anyone make a deal with Qaddafi? He's nuts. His latest was trying to use the UN to abolish Switzerland. Why? His son was once arrested for beating up a hotel maid there. The fact that the UN actually takes his membership seriously is reason #10,294 why we should kick the UN out of New York.

Man, I thought I was a slob. I'm an amateur compared to this guy. Some dude in New York had so much trash in his apartment that the smell prompted police to check it out because they assumed there was a corpse in there. No corpse. Just a nasty smelly man. In a public housing complex. How did they deal with The Problem? Oh, they moved the neighbors who could not stand the smell elsewhere. Notice the word "public". Remember that level of competency when you hear the "public option" of health care reform.

Here's a fun story. Some Kraut used tire repair solvent to fix his air mattress. Apparently trying to inflate it the next day caused a spark which caused the mattress to blow up. Which was powerful enough to move his wall. My first thought was "what an idiot". My next thought was "I wonder if I can get an air mattress to explode like that".

Great Britain is messed up. They let a guy go home after being convicted of 270 cases of murder. Then they tell Boy Scouts not to bring their scout knives to camp. Why? Because England has a lot of crime with knives. Are you friggin' kidding me? I'm willing to bet that the knife crime is not the product of Boy Scouts. I'm also willing to bet the knives being used in those crimes are not Boy Scout pen knives. I know. I was a Boy Scout. Boy Scout knives suck. They're barely good enough for whittling. Any competent criminal will just grab a steak knife over that piece of crap. And I was a hell of a lot more dangerous with fire than I ever was with a knife.

Of course this is England. They had a businessman whose family was held hostage by three men who threatened to kill them all. That is until the hostages got loose and proceeded to beat the hell out of one of them. Guess who is going to jail? The guy held hostage. Once again, are you friggin' kidding me? How stupid can you be as a country? Let's see. If I rob someone and get my ass kicked, you'll put them in jail and pay me compensation? What's the drawback here? If I was on that jury, I'd have acquitted him even if he'd killed them. Keep him from robbing my house.

I'm surprised it took this long to happen, but in Turkey, some guys (you know it was guys) set up a fake Big Brother style reality show to lure hot chicks into a house where they taped everything they did. And sold the naked pictures on the internet. At least until the police raided the place. Well good. There's no place in the high character world of reality television for this type of behavior. By the way, pass the word to any hot chicks you know. I'm going to be putting together a Big Brother style reality show in my apartment. Women only. They can send me their applications. Pictures required.

Did anyone see a star in the sky that night? A Polish woman is suing an Egyptian resort because her 13 year old daughter got pregnant while they were there. Her reasoning is that her daughter couldn't' have been impregnated through sex. Instead, she must have been knocked up by 'stray sperm' that was in the swimming pool. Was her daughter swimming naked? After all, that explanation would mean that the sperm would have to survive the chlorine and heat of the pool water and then work its way through the girl's swimsuit into her stuff. Yeah, that could happen. I'm sure this will end all of those jokes about Polish people. And I'll have to remember this when.........I mean if I ever start banging teenagers.

An interesting study came out. It found out why women have sex. Apparently it has nothing to do with love and passion. It's for material gain, out of boredom, sympathy (I need to use that more) and to get their significant other to stop bothering them. And this was the best part. They found that "most women do not find most men sexually attractive." And here I thought it was just me. Did all you guys who think you're hot stuff read that? Women think you're as nasty and disgusting as me. At least, that's the way I read it.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Meat Eating Plants and other news stories

A team of Brits who like plants have discovered a very large meat-eating one in the Philippines (no verification if one of them tried to put his junk into it). They say it can eat a rat, but do they know that? And did they find out by dropping rats into it? And did they say how big a rat it would eat? Like maybe one as big as a small cat? Maybe that's this guys next step. A man in New York has been arrested for killing four (possibly five) of his girlfriend's cats and maiming a sixth. Two at a time over a three month period. Let's be clear that I am not condoning his behavior which is certainly extreme. However, how stupid is that woman? You have two cats die in October. You get two more in November and one dies and the other becomes seriously damaged. At this point, even if you aren't smart enough to suspect someone is trying to intentionally kill the kitties, don't you think God is trying to tell you that you shouldn't have cats? Nope. She goes to get two more.

It's times like these that I find it hard to fathom that anyone would consider making the District of Columbia a state. And it doesn't even involve the continuing electoral career of serial criminal Marion Barry. Washington consistently has one of the highest poverty and murder rates in the country. Want to know who a DC councilman is blaming for it? Single slice pizza stands. Now when I lived in Maryland, big greasy pizza slices did have a drug connection. Namely, the guy who owned Frank's Pizza trafficked cocaine out of his. In this case, it appears that drunks from the local bars stop for a slice of pizza and get into fights. So, wouldn't closing the bars seem the more appropriate way to stop drunken violence? It would unless you're an elected official in Washington DC.

After all, Washington is where they've begun ticketing people who are parked in their own driveway. Not people who are letting part of their car hang over the sidewalk or even street. It's people whose cars aren't completely passed the front of the house. How can they do that? The law is that the property between the sidewalk and front of the house is public property. Although the "owner" still must maintain it. Does this mean that homeowners are going to have to begin repaving the street in front of their house? Does this mean I can have a picnic on someone's front lawn? After all, it's public space.

Major college basketball coaches in Kentucky aren't having a good time of it lately. Rick Pitino's problems come from off the court while John Calipari's are on it. As a Louisville fan, does the allegations about his one night stand/alleged rape/abortion connection change my opinion about him? Not really. On a personal level, I've never liked him much anyway. His "I meant it at the time I said it" pattern means I never believe a lot of what comes out of his mouth. I don't believe him when he says this was a one time thing. There were rumors about him philandering when he was at UK. Why would I think it suddenly stopped. However, I don't believe he raped her. And I only need one reason to figure that out. Why would she marry the guy who worked for her rapist and at whose home the second alleged rape occurred? That means in six months, she decided to marry a man who didn't stop her from being raped and whose job would make her have to spend time around that rapist? Sorry, not buying it. And while I assume Pitino knew it was possible that she might get an abortion, I actually believe him when he says the money wasn't for that. He did give her a lot more money than what it would cost. Of course, I doubt the baby was even his. She told him 2 weeks after which is about as early as it would show on a test. Was she checking every day? Plus, if it was his and she wants money, why kill the golden goose? Not that she's shown herself to be really bright. She could have nickle and dimed him for years or asked for a few hundred thousand at once and probably got it. Instead, she asks for $10 million to keep her mouth shut. Well, he makes about $2.5 million a year which means his take home pay is less than half of that. That means she was asking him for eight years of take home pay which means he's no longer worried about losing his job over any embarrassment because it'd be a lot cheaper to quit than pay $10M. Oh, and she's also probably going to jail over it.

Now, I don't think my coaches need to be saints so since I don't think he broke the law, I wouldn't fire him over one count of adultery that happened several years ago. However, if I thought the potential distraction outweighed keeping him, I'd want him gone. However, I don't want Ralph Willard as the interim coach (fine at WKU & Holy Cross, just plain bad at Pitt) so for this year, I don't see any choice other than keeping Pitino. And I'm not sure the conditions at road games will be that terrible. UK is already wanting blood so who cares about there. I laugh whenever I see "pundits" point out all the Catholic schools on UL's schedule and their reaction to the abortion claim. Yeah, right. Catholic schools are being criticized a lot lately for honoring pro choice politicians and allowing pro choice (and gay) groups and activities be sponsored on campus. It's pretty clear that most of their students aren't going to get bent out of shape over things opposite of church teaching. And the other claim that it will hurt recruiting is pretty silly too. How many college basketball players do you think are that concerned with a coach messing around like that? Probably a lot want to pick up some pointers on picking up chicks willing to not just sleep with you, but put out at the bar itself.

Now Calipari has a different problem. His best season ever was a 38 win runner up in 2007. Well, it's gone. Vacated because star player/imbecile Derrick Rose cheated to pass the SAT to be eligible. My favorite part of the whole thing is watching the feuding columnists at the Herald-Leader. You have Mark Story who has been against Calipari's hiring from the get-go due to his sketchy rep. Then you have John Clay who is so embarrassingly fawning over Calipari that he should be paid for his PR work. Come on. A headline that says "Calipari Guilty of Trusting NCAA"? Please. I freely admit there isn't any way to connect Calipari directly to Rose's cheating, but to pretend he's some kind of victim is laughable. I initially thought he was a good hire even with the Umass problem. Then I thought it was nuts that UK hired him when I found out that Memphis was being investigated and UK knew it. UK is not a program that can get away with hiring a cheater. It would be like Alabama hiring someone with probation in his background.

Do I think you can prove that Calipari knew Rose cheated? Nope. Do I think he did know? Hell yeah. Top athletes who have committed to a program don't send their transcripts to the NCAA clearinghouse. The school handles it. The school and staff are well aware what's going on with their academic life if they aren't qualified. Does anyone think Calipari wasn't aware that Rose had failed a standardized test three times and suddenly passed one in another state? I don't and I'm not alone. Georgia refused to admit Robert Dozier because of a very sketchy test score. Calipari was okay with it and Dozier did graduate with degree in interdisciplinary studies. Wait, did he get a degree in Undecided? A degree. I'll take that with a grain of salt. James Brooks graduated with a degree from Auburn and couldn't read. Calipari also got a bunch of other geniuses from a really suspect prep school that Dozier attended. Add that to his Umass problem and it's hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean he'll get a Final Four vacated at UK? Don't know. I do know that a friend at work was completely correct about one thing. If Calipari stayed at Memphis and this came up, all the UK fans would insist he was a cheater. I also think that if UK does get a Final Four invalidated because of Calipari, they'll still hang a banner at Rupp Arena for it.

Here's a teacher with a degree who is stupider than James Brooks. An idiot fourth grade teacher thought it would be okay to have fake wedding ceremony with a student. One of his students. A fourth grader. Which we know is bad because fourth graders are such jealous, harpie bitches towards each other and will hold the favortism against her. Oh, and fourth graders are like ten years old. WTF could he have been thinking? Really. WTF. How could that turn out anything but bad?

This teacher knew that certain things should not be known. She got it on with a 15 year old student (of the male gender). And gave him $1500. I really hope that the money was to pay for his silence. She's not a great beauty but she could easily get one night stands by offering herself. I can't believe she'd find sex with a teenager good enough to pay for. $1500? That's what....$1500 per minute?

Then we get this one. A teacher in California decides to make a home DVD of class activities for her elementary school kids. And somehow includes a clip of her fingerbanging herself for a handful of seconds. But fear not. She's probably not going to be fired. I guess I could look for a follow up story but I don't feel like it. But it's nice that everyone is convinced that it was just an accident. Who knows what kind of freak she really is? And the father who wants counseling for his kids is classic. He also wants someone to answer his kids' questions. I can do that. Just tell them that she's looking for her keys.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Michael Vick & Other Stuff

So the Eagles signed Michael Vick. I knew someone would. Didn't think the Eagles would. In fact, no matter how I look at it, the deal makes no sense to me. Let's ignore for the moment the whole PR disaster that could result from it. Let's look at the football part of it. To begin with, Vick may not even be able to play until almost halfway through the season but will take up a roster spot until then. The idea is that Vick can run the "Wildcat" formation for the Eagles. But that's a limited formation that bad offenses use because defenses struggle to prepare for it. Of course, the reason defenses struggle with it is because it's not a base offense and is essentially a trick play. And it's value goes down the more you use it. I'm not sure Vick running the offense will be that effective because the Wildcat is essentially a running back with the ability to make a decent throw playing quarterback. Which is basically what Vick was in Atlanta. An inaccurate passer who could tuck it and run. What's worse is the Eagles apparently didn't even try him out before they signed him. He looked chunkier than before. Who knows if he's even going to have his game breaking speed anymore.

And the Eagles didn't have a bad offense overall last year. They were the fifth highest scoring team in the regular season and made the NFC title game. Will a few boosts really make that much of a difference? Especially at the expense of team chemistry? Sure everyone says the right things. Donovan McNabb insists he pushed for it. But behind the scenes, that doesn't sound true. And why would anyone think McNabb is for it? He was unhappy when the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb in the second round. Why would he suddenly be happy that they signed a quarterback who was once a star? And as Jaws says, Vick is a threat to McNabb. Philly has a passionate fanbase, but they've never been accused of being very smart about the game itself. They'll be screaming for Vick if McNabb has a bad series. That could be a problem for McNabb who is overly sensitive.

Then there is the whole PR problem surrounding why Vick was out of football for two years. Sure, America's village idiot, Jesse Jackson, actually claimed the NFL was colluding to keep Vick out and he deserves a second chance. Sure, he may deserve a second chance, but that doesn't mean an NFL team has to give it to him. Playing pro football is a privilege, not a right. He can go dig ditches for all I care. Teams have to measure how he'll impact their win/loss record plus their image which affects the bottom line. The Eagles' owner is already taking a hit to his reputation by signing Vick after saying a couple of years back that he'd never have a dog fighter on his team. And let's remember that Vick was doing more than fighting dogs. He was pretty much torturing ones that didn't pan out. Does this mean I don't believe him when he says he was remorseful about the "horrible mistake" he made while engaged in it? Of course I don't believe him. They were hanging dogs to kill them. I refuse to believe he thought he was doing something wrong but couldn't at least switch to shooting the dogs to make it quicker. He's only remorseful that he got caught. The Eagles are going to have a distraction of people very unhappy with this signing and they're stupid if they didn't know it was coming. This writer hits the nail on the head. Why are so many people out there risking their reputation to support Michael Vick?

But let's get to some stories that I've been saving for quite some time:
Let's start with England. A few months back, I mentioned a story where some 12 year old boy supposedly knocked up his girlfriend. Well, he wasn't the father. So soul-searching in England will now have to shift to asking why a 14 year old girl has so many people claiming to have fathered her baby.

Speaking of teen sex, we have another story of a cougar sleeping with teen boys. Except she has a novel excuse. This woman wanted to keep predatory boys from messing with her girls. By sleeping with those predatory boys. Oh, and because it made her feel young and attractive. But it was really about protecting her daughters. If my "she-was-warming-her-hands-in-pants" excuse didn't fly, this one shouldn't.

Ah China. A man is feeling suicidal and climbs a bridge to jump off. Another man decides he's tired of people trying to get attention by pretending they are going to kill themselves. Which seemed an accurate idea in this case since the guy was only 26 feet up. So, the passerby pushes him off the bridge. Problem solved.

I find this story from Britain more concerning than the one about 14 year old sluts. Pringles will now be taxed under their VAT because it has too much "potatoness". Something not quite right in taxing Pringles as a non-food because of too much food content. Also something very wrong with a 17% sales tax on potato chips.

Nice to see Yale is training their students to come up with big ideas. Even if they are incredibly dumb. One student decided to live in a "sustainable house". She calls it sustainable because she's able to power it with solar cells. Well, her definition of sustainable seems to include things that my definition wouldn't. Like being the size of a dorm room. And being built with donated material. And having a neighbor let you use their bathroom because this house doesn't have one. This is ridiculous to think she's proven anything. She essentially is living in a solar powered garden shed. Does anyone really think that this is a realistic model for future dwellings?

Interesting marketing plan by Cheap Trick. They're going to release an album on 8 track. Not necessarily a way to get younger fans who won't even know what an 8 track is. As someone whose first stereo was a hand-me-down that included an 8 track player, I wouldn't be real thrilled to go back to that format. Cassette tapes replaced 8 tracks for little reasons like being more portable, cheaper and the ability to rewind. Oh, and cassettes didn't have the wonderful "8 Track Click" that would often happen when you were in the middle of a song. Certain irony for me with this story. I didn't have very many 8 track cartridges (the stereo also had a record player and 8 tracks weren't readily available anymore), but one that I found at a garage sale was In Color by Cheap Trick.

How about some hooker stories. Here's one about your government at work. Well, if you're in Amsterdam. The city council is very concerned about the ability of whores to get bank loans. I have no idea why banks might think hookers are bad credit risks and not want to give them money.

In Mexico, two midget wrestlers were killed by female robbers pretending to be hookers. Damned shame when little people have to worry about their whores not really being whores.

And finally, I stumbled across this video from Thunder Over Louisville Air Show this year. It's two Chinook helicopters dipping themselves in the Ohio River while putting on their show. My brother was flying one of them.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Cars & Stuff

Once again, I have fallen behind on updating my blog. I haven't even written about the massive government interference in the auto industry yet. It came up again recently when they decided to throw more money into the "Cars For Clunkers" program. Why not just throw money down the toilet? The point of the program is to get people to trade in old, inefficient cars for ones with better mileage standards. It's supposed to help the environment by getting those inefficient cars off the road, and help the economy by getting people to buy cars. I'm failing to see how either can be attained by destroying a perfectly functional car.

Environmentally, what do you get? Some savings on mileage? How much pollution do you create destroying the car and building a brand new one compared to a car that gets 5 miles per gallon worse? And you're probably not getting the cars off the road that you want. It's really old ones that are the big polluters, because cars just lose integrity in their miles per gallons and emissions controls as they age. And those are most likely to be owned by people who are poor. Since the program only applies if you buy a new car, that will exclude them from it. I don't know why this administration hates poor people so much, but this program screws them. More than likely they can't afford a new car so trading in their POS for a Prius isn't feasible. And by destroying all the cars, they're hurting the used car market. With a bunch serviceable cars off the used car market, buying a good used car will be more expensive (lower supply equal higher prices). So, instead of being able to trade their 10 year old car for a 5 year old one that probably gets better mileage, that person will stick with their old beater.

Now, some people who can't afford a new car may decide to buy one anyway to take advantage of the cash. Which means they'll have to take out a loan that has a better chance of defaulting. Do you think a glut of bad loans could be a problem? But that's not the only economically unsound part of the program. Just because people are buying cars doesn't mean it's stimulating the economy. It's just moving money from one sector of the economy to another. That's probably why there was a decline in retail sales last month. People would have been spending the money on something else. Which brings up a very important question? Should the government in a free society be picking which economic sector will be successful by subsidizing it?

Of course, we already know that the present administration has decided to become very involved in the American auto industry. They now own big chunks of GM and pushed Chrysler to basically give itself to Fiat, a company that has never sold cars well in this country. Barack Obama insists that the government doesn't want to run GM and plans to sell it off as soon as possible. Yeah, that's a prize jewel you're putting on the market. I'm sure everyone wants a business that is in massive debt and still tied to a crippling labor agreement. Amtrak was only supposed to be government financed for a few years. We're almost 40 years in on that one. And we'll be stuck with GM. The amount of government money already plowed into that white elephant can probably never be paid back even if it goes private again.

What a great idea this is. Everyone knows what great car designs and quality come out of government owned car industries. Think about all those Eastern European countries with state run economies. Their cars (think Yugos) were in huge demand in the west. Why would anyone think the government can run a lemonade stand let alone a massively large car company? Especially since the decision making so far has been made by a task force that has one person on it with experience in the auto industry. On the labor side. Which happens to be a big cause of GM's competitive problems.

What was one of their first decisions? Closing a bunch of dealerships because Toyota and Honda are being more successful than GM and Chrysler and they have fewer dealerships. Hate to tell these morons, but Toyota isn't out-selling GM because of fewer dealerships. And if your problem is selling cars, having fewer outlets for them isn't going to help. The argument is GM dealers are often competing with each other instead of other car companies so they undercut each other's prices. How is this a bad thing for the consumer? That would be like an appliance company refusing to sell to Meijer because they might drop their prices to compete with Walmart. I'm sure car buyers will flock to the more expensive sellers. Dealers buy their cars from the manufacturer and resell them. GM isn't losing money when one of their dealer drops his prices. They also argue that they have to give incentives to all the dealers. No, they don't. They can let each dealership sink or swim on their own.

And it doesn't account for what you lose. To begin with, a lot of jobs. And for another, they're making an assumption that if one dealership sells 200 and another sells 500, then the larger dealer will sell 700 when the smaller one closes. Yes, people can be brand loyal with cars, but they may also be loyal to the dealership they've shopped at for years. And aren't willing to drive to the next county to buy their new car when there is a perfectly good Toyota dealer just down the road with cheaper cars. Especially when one starts thinking about having to drive to the next county to get it serviced.

And then you get into the whole problem of government decision when they have that kind of power. There are already some people questioning whether dealers that are being closed could be picked for political reasons. Obama states that the government won't get involved in the day to day business decisions, but they already are by pushing for hybrids and more smaller cars. That's a great way to get GM out of financial trouble. Selling unprofitable products. Toyota sells a ton of hybrids but doesn't make money off of them.

As for small cars, American car companies are already having trouble competing with Japanese companies due to labor costs. People who drive Camrys and Accords aren't going to suddenly switch back to a more expensive Fusion or Malibu. And remember how American auto makers were criticized for pushing SUVs which became poor sellers when gas prices soared? SUVs are the only reason GM managed to stave off bankruptcy this long. SUVs and trucks were the only profitable vehicles they had. It's simple economics. SUVs had a high selling price so labor was a smaller percentage of each one. With a small car, it's a much larger percentage so it means UAW built cars are more expensive. And yet, the UAW knows it's power in this relationship. So, GM will be building a subcompact car in the US. If they aren't competitive with the foreign competitors on small cars now, why should we expect it to be better on even smaller cars? Here's a car that's already a top seller and uses no fossil fuels to drive. It's Obama's dream car.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Michael Jackson & Other News

Man, I got behind on this blog. Got a lot to catch up on. Michael Jackson died and it was a huge deal. For most people. I was kind of indifferent. In fact, the tragic death of an Iowa football coach and even pitchman Billy Mays were more compelling to me. I certainly didn't wish Jackson dead. I'd rather parents just not let kids sleep over with him. But people die everyday, and I just don't find his to be that extraordinary. I don't feel a part of my childhood is lost. To begin with, I'm not that big a fan of pop music. Billie Jean was a great song, and Thriller was a really good album, but the last song of his I thought was decent was Smooth Criminal. King of Pop? I thought Prince had more talent. And when he became a sideshow freak, I no longer considered him a good part of my childhood (but probably still better than a lot of other childhoods he ruined). But even if I was a huge fan and didn't believe he had molested children, I still wouldn't be that torn up about it. To be honest, my concern for celebrity well being is so they continue to entertain. Jackson hadn't done anything for well over a decade. He's spent a lot of time scamming people into thinking he would do something new before bailing out again. I never thought his new tour would happen (but not because I thought he would die). The only contribution Jackson has made lately is silly tabloid crap over his bizarre behavior. Personally, I found that more pathetic than interesting.

A man (who might have been drunk) was arrested for using a live swan to beat on his friend. Now my first thought was how terrible for the swan. But then my next thought was that it was probably pretty funny to see. My final thought was to wonder if that made a good weapon.

The US soccer team made news this week by almost winning their first FIFA tournament. But they lost. Would have been a nice win since it would have pissed off the rest of the world. Other than that, I don't care. I've long said that as long as football and basketball are as popular as they are here, the US won't be a top team in soccer. The best US athletes just play other sports. I don't know that Barry Sanders would have been a good soccer player but with his speed and nimble feet, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened if he played soccer from childhood. Yet, other countries are so silly about that sport that some thought Iran's election could hinge on it. Which turned out to be a stupid thought when the ruling mullahs simply swiped the election for Ahmadinejad. Who needs soccer when you run a brutal dictatorship.

Which has led to mass protests in Iran. Which surprises me because it wasn't a fair election even before the fraud. All candidates have to be pre-approved by the ruling religious council. Someone didn't get the memo. Now our Lord and Savior, Barak Obama, doesn't seem to be sure what the Hell he thinks about all this. I'm sure it's all a distraction. But Obama did do one thing. He took back his invitations (that were never accepted) for Iranian diplomats to attend 4th of July parties at American embassies. It was called "Hot Dog Diplomacy". What a great idea. Invite people from a totalitarian country to celebrate our freedom. Probably for the best. This is the same administration that gave the British PM DVDs that wouldn't work over there. Probably would have served 100% pork hot dogs. Oh, but Obama did credit his speech in Cairo for leading to the protests even though it never really addressed Iranian voting freedom. But I'm sure it was all because of the speech and has nothing to do with the fact that Iraqis are freely voting right next door.

I'm not going to belittle a county for complaining that a Krispy Kreme plant is clogging sewer pipes. Well, I am. On one point anyway. It says that the sewage plant is "permeated by the smell of doughnuts". As opposed to raw sewage? I think I'd prefer the smell of doughnuts over crap.

Some contestant on American Idol made news by coming out of the closet. I was shocked. I thought that was a requirement to finish second place.

Mmmmmmmm. Cleavage.

Hell yeah. I've been worried about the proposed A-Team movie because I heard some rapper named Common was going to be B.A.. Who the Hell is that? But now I've heard some good news. They might be getting Liam Neeson to be Hannibal Smith. I could easily see him stepping into George Peppard's role. I'm not really sure who they should get for B.A.. Mr. T was really a character himself, not just playing one. But they better have the A-Team van. And it's a movie so they can actually shoot people instead of just their cars.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes PETA very seriously. Oh, because they equate throwing dead fish in a fish market to throwing dead kittens. Get a clue, dumbasses. People aren't going to make that comparison because kittens are pets. Those fish are for dinner. If we ate kittens (and depending on where you get your takeout, you might), people might throw their carcasses around.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes England very seriously anymore. Oh, because in an effort to combat knife violence, someone there came up with the stab proof knife. Yeah, I'm sure the criminal element will be scarfing these up. Actually, they probably like it because if they break into your house, you can't even grab a knife to defend yourself anymore.

Here's why they should make losers in frivolous lawsuits not only have to pay all the expenses, but sterilize some of them. A woman sues Captain Crunch because the Crunchberries were not real fruit as she expected. Okay, it's bad enough that she thought she could convince anyone that there is a non-retarded person out there who thinks there are such a thing as Crunchberries growing in the wild. No, the reason this women needs to be eliminated from the gene pool is because she ate them for four years before deciding they weren't fruit.

Hey, maybe this was her attorney. Up in Jeffersonville, Indiana, a lawyer who represents several public entities somehow got drunk and ended up in a neighbor's garbage can. Now the mayor is on the attack. Not against his embarrassment of an attorney. Nope, he wants to go after the cops because they took pictures on their cell phones and let the pictures out. Sorry, chump. The cops weren't in the wrong. That pictures was taken on a public street. If they were wrong about anything, it's because they didn't arrest him for getting drunk and passing out in the garbage can. How low rent is that guy? When I get drunk and wallow in filth, it's usually my own. Not my neighbor's.

Monday, May 18, 2009

The Greatest Story of the Year & Other News

Okay, maybe not of the year, but it certainly made my day when I heard that Tony Kornholer is no longer going to do Monday Night Football. He was the absolute worst broadcaster I ever heard. He'd spend half the time rambling about nothing. Or fawning over whatever schmo they pulled from some ABC show they were pimping. Or worse, asking absolutely stupid questions that make me wonder if he ate lead paint to prepare for the show. Dennis Miller had better knowledge of football than Kornholer. I think I took a dump that had more football knowledge than Kornholer. Now they're replacing him with Jon Gruden. What an idea. Having an actual broadcaster doing play-by-play and two football guys doing color. I wonder if that will work.

I didn't bet the filly in the Preakness, but only because I almost never bet at those odds. But I thought she was clearly the best horse in the field. She wasn't even running her best race and still won by a full length. They aren't sure if she'll go to the Belmont which is too bad. She's the best 3 year old running. Of course it helps that a good chunk of the top horses have been hurt. Old Fashioned got hurt early. I Want Revenge was a late Derby scratch. I was hoping Quality Road would be back for the Belmont, but it looks like he won't. I think he could be the best 3 year old out there. Could be some interesting inbound horses for the Belmont though. Dunkirk has the talent so he could be there. But I'm looking at Charitable Man coming out of the Peter Pan. I think that could be the one if Rachel Alexandra skips it.

There's been talk of the Preakness moving from Pimlico Racetrack because nobody goes any other time and it's in a ghetto. But it's not like Churchill is in a great neighborhood. No, the problem is people in Maryland just don't care that much about horse racing anymore. Attendance at the Preakness was down a bunch this year. Because they banned BYOB in the infield. Might want to bring that back. What's a horse race without guys running on top of porta-cans. I'm not surprised that's the case. Growing up in Louisville, the Derby was huge and so was horse racing in general. When I lived just north of Baltimore, Preakness Day was fairly big deal, but not much more than a college football game big. Otherwise no talked about horse racing.



John Edwards is the story that keeps on giving. To begin with, I should feel sorry for his wife. He cheated on her while she had cancer. Granted, she was in remission but I was never sure that was better. Most likely knocked up his mistress. But she makes it tough when she talks to Oprah and blames the other woman. Lying incoherently didn't help matters. Does anyone really believe she was told about it and didn't want the mistress fired? Now, we get the story that some of Edwards' campaign staff had a plan to derail his campaign if it looked like he'd get the nomination because they were concerned the rumors were true. That's great. I'm sure all the shmucks who shelled out a lot of money for his campaign were happy to hear that.

A poster of Bill O'Reilly being assassinated is hanging on the wall of a restaurant in Venice, CA. I thought it was conservatives that were hateful.

I don't understand this. There is only one pig in Afghanistan. In a zoo. I do understand that Muslims don't eat pork because it's unclean, but banning pigs is silly. There are plenty of animals that we don't eat that aren't banned from the country. Chinchillas. Iguanas. Bald eagles. Homeless children.

Two employees somewhere at Yellowstone were fired and charged with crimes for taking a piss in Old Faithful. There is no mention of whether alcohol was involved. God, I hope so. I've been drunk before but never thought about pissing in a boiling pot of water. That'd be a good punishment. Have them stand around with their wangs hanging out next to a geyser that isn't always on time.

Cat Stevens is going to sue Coldplay over some Coldplay song sounding like some Cat Stevens song. I can't really make a determination if it's really a ripoff because I didn't feel like listening to either song.

I shouldn't laugh about this because these kids are probably going to be screwed up in the future. But a woman in Dallas (probably a Cowboys fan which explains everything) gave birth to fraternal twins and just found out they have different daddies. She says she did cheat on her man but manages to try to sound like a victim when she says "Out of all people in America and of all people in the world, it had to happen to me". Yeah. It's God's fault. Or the fact you're a ho who can't keep her legs closed.

What kind of story is this? Two chicks get busted for prostituting themselves with a minor, and the article doesn't even mention his age? If he's a 17 year old minor, so what? If he's 11, that's more interesting. Besides, I don't see where he got busted for solicitation. Sure he's a minor, but he was buying. And at $5 to $30, I'm curious what he was buying. Sure, I assume that you're getting something for $30 but from a skank. But $5? What kind of junkie whore gives away anything for $5?

No reason to have one hooker story without another. Some Polish dude took his 14 year old son out to get himself a whore to lose his virginity with. Too bad the kid picked out the cop. Freshman. They don't know the clean one is a cop. Oh, they were in England too. Maybe in Poland, that's okay. But it says the deal was only for 20 pounds which is $30 so maybe I always thought hookers cost more. Crap, you can get a lapdance for $30. Am I wasting my money or are these guys going after really nasty hookers?

Let's do some "Your Government At Work" stories. Number one is only if you live in Massachusetts which makes you a Masshole. The state is giving cars to welfare recipients so they can drive to work. Unless they go back on welfare. Then they can keep the free car and just lose the insurance and AAA membership. Why the Hell they would buy deadbeats AAA insurance that most people who pay for their own $hit don't have is beyond me. And I'm sure they're running out and buying liability insurance. Just because you don't own squat and have no reason to fear a lawsuit when you get high on meth and ram into another car is no reason to think these people won't get insurance. So, let's give high risk people a car and put them out on the road with no insurance. Great friggin idea.

Great. The government is funding a study through the NIH to find out why gay men like to take risks with their buttsex when they're drunk. Except the study was to take place in gay bars in Argentina. Now, I'm not gay, Argentinian or drunk. Well, maybe drunk. But I can answer this question. To begin with, drunk people make lousy decisions. Secondly, it's two guys. Both are trolling for sex. What did they expect to happen? And why would they think gay bars in Argentina would be different from home grown gay bars?

But gay bars in Argentina aren't the only places that are getting US government money. Chinese whorehouses are too. Apparently if they have bars. Wayne State got a grant to teach Chinese whores to drink responsibly while selling their cootchie. Granted, there is nothing worse than a drunk chinese hooker, but the point is to stop the spread of HIV. Do they really think these women are spreading disease because they are drunk and not because they are whores?

Sunday, May 10, 2009

NBA Playoffs & Other News

I'm having a good laugh about these playoffs. If I had to bet, I'd put quite a bit of money on the Cavs winning it all. I see that Yao Ming broke his foot. Does anyone know where David Stern was when that happened? I'm guessing that the NBA would very much like to see a Kobe-LeBron matchup in the finals. Can't let those damned Rockets get in the way. But the most interesting part has been the fouls. Rajon Rondo makes no effort at the ball, hits Brad Miller upside the head and doesn't get a flagrant foul called. Which meant a dazed Miller could only be substituted for the choice of Boston's coach and it wouldn't be two shots and the ball as if it was flagrant. The defense of the call was that it was in the closing seconds and only the most blatant should be called. Okay. Then at the end of the latest Dallas/Denver game, a Dallas player was swiping at Denver's Carmelo Anthony in the last few seconds of the game to get a non-shooting foul. Nothing was called and Anthony hit a last second three for the win. Dallas complained because they thought the foul should have been called. It was a foul, but pretty tame. Which do they want? Hold the whistle at the end of the game or not?

Thought this was interesting. The University of Missouri is requiring journalism students to have an iTouch or iPhone. They say they are doing it because by making it a requirement, students can include it on a financial aid which I think it pretty stupid. If you've got a computer, you can re-watch it on iTunes so why should the federal government be buying iPods for students? And I like my iPod, but why shaft an incoming student who has another mp3 player and isn't on financial aid by making them buy one?

And come to think of it, why do they still have journalism school? Newspapers are dying. Local TV news hires former beauty queens and network news hires former Democratic aides. I only get the paper if I feel like doing the crossword puzzle or seeing what ad specials are out for strip clubs. I used to think newspapers were declining because of the absence of Calvin and Hobbes, but now I think it's more than that. The internet is definitely taking a toll, and the newspapers weren't sure how to handle it. But I think it's more than that. The business structure sucks. The Louisville Courier-Journal has a full time reporter in Washington DC (they call him a bureau) which makes no sense because most of their national news is pulled from the AP wire. Newspapers routinely send sportswriters to cover the Final Four or Super Bowl whether or not there is a local angle. Why? Just pick up a national feed. That's just wasting money. I'm not all that concerned with the loss of newspapers. If they were smart, they'd go to fewer days of the week and be smaller to save money. Most of what's in them comes from wire services so I can read it online before it gets printed. Major local stories also hit the local TV news before they get in the paper. So, go with a three or four day a week tabloid with in-depth local news. Not that they've shown an ability to do that as it is. The Boston Globe was almost closed because it's losing millions of dollars a week. So, how did they cover a story in their own backyard? They ignored it and based the story from Kentucky. Yep, newspapers are vital for local coverage.

If you're a cop and dating an ex-con, maybe you should re-think that one. A Florida deputy threw away a 21 year career because his wife took her mother and some teenage dude on a joyride in his patrol car. Looking at his wife's picture, I'm sure he could have done better. Although she seems adept at picking up 19 year old losers.

A 15 year old girl was spray tanned naked by a man running the tanning salon. Now Indiana is in an uproar (and blaming Kelvin Sampson, I assume) because they discovered that it isn't illegal. I'm shocked. I could learn how to do that. Uh, I mean that this is a travesty and must be made illegal immediately.

Imagine that. CIA agents don't trust Barack Obama because they think releasing the interrogation memos stabbed them in the back. So, basically, they don't want to do anything they can be second guessed on. Which I'm sure will make us safer. The whole argument over waterboarding is getting ridiculous. It must not have been torture because torture is illegal. If waterboarding is torture, Obama would not have needed to sign an executive order banning it. It would have already been illegal. Or since we've heard stories that the CIA was using it several years ago, why didn't Democratic Congressmen introduce a bill directly banning it. Especially since while Nancy Pelosi is lying about it, it's pretty obvious she knew it was going on. At the very least, she thought it was legal. And do I really care about the three scumbags getting waterboarded for info? Considering who they were, I wouldn't care if they were waterboarded for fun. As for the argument that the U.S. doing that to them helped Al-Qaeda recruit, that's laughable. Al-Qaeda chops the heads off of electrical contractors for fun. Do you really think they find harsh interrogations to be offensive? If anything, telling them what they may go through if captured will spur recruitment. They know they don't have to fear anything now.

There was a story awhile back questioning whether a boob job will help lawyers get ahead. I don't think it'd help men too much, but it probably wouldn't hurt women. Now, we get some woman in Australia who had her legs broken in four places so they could be stretched and she'd gain three inches of height. She thinks that will help her legal/political career. I'm not so sure since it's come out that she did that. I broke my arm once. In one place. I didn't like it. I don't think I'd be so quick to hire a nutsack like that.

Ah, England. They released a list of people banned from traveling to their politically correct country. It had skinheads, hamas leaders and radio host Michael Savage. Now, I'm not a Savage fan. I find his voice to be grating and he intentionally stirs up stuff, but so what? I've never heard him advocate going around killing people. What makes it worse is that he wasn't even planning to go there so some bureaucrat just decided arbitrarily to keep him out. Actually what makes it worse is that person just got dinged for expensing her husbands porno movies. Wait. That's not right. The absolute worst part is these are the people they let come in and stay. Frankly, I don't find Michael Savage to be that dangerous. But we are talking about a country that has become so retarded that arresting a 10 year old for using a playground insults results in more criticism of the judge for letting him go than for the idiots who arrested him.

When talking about the Somali pirates recently, I expressed concerns about the present administration following up with action against the pirates. And it looks like I was right. A Navy vessel was attacked by some pirates. And ran. Shouldn't the Navy be engaging pirates who attack them?

At a DC food bank, Michelle Obama was seen wearing a pair of $540 sneakers. Now, I don't really care what she wears. Hell, I became a cynic when I was in college volunteering at a meal center. I'm wearing a pair of Converse sneakers (not Chuck Taylors which go in and out of style but the cheapo sorta leather ones) and serving free food to someone wearing a pair of Nike Air Jordans. But I can imagine how different the reaction would have been if Laura Bush had shown up to help the poor wearing those things. Actually, my first thought is what the Hell makes those things worth $540?

Why can't Johnny read? It's a question I've tried to answer many times. And I keep getting new reasons. The latest is the LA school system where firing a teacher is almost impossible. Surprisingly the LA Times had a long article that actually seemed to oppose teacher's unions on this. Basically, a teacher has to do a lot to get fired and not be reinstated on appeal. The part that really got me was where they investigated some instances where a teacher's firing was overturned. One of them was fired for keeping "pornography, marijuana and vials with cocaine residue at school." And reinstated. Why wasn't he in jail?

The Count of Monte Cristo would be proud. A woman decided to get revenge against some woman whose daughter got into a fight with her daughter or something. Since it was between 9 year olds, this was obviously the mature action. She set up a sex ad on Craigslist and directed the people who sent an email to call the other woman who apparently wasn't happy about getting so much action. The problem is that she must have done it from her home computer and got caught. Idiot.

Ah, who says dumpster sex isn't the best sex? A man and woman were caught doing it in the bottom of a dumpster. I thought I was cheap. And if they couldn't afford a room, couldn't they do it behind the dumpster? I'm very disappointed in the police who responded. They let the woman go. I don't really care about her behavior, but if she'd been arrested, there would be a mug shot and we could see what kind of woman agrees to have sex in a dumpster.

I'll be traveling for work in the coming weeks so I may not get my Preakness predictions in. Unlike a lot of Preaknesses, several Derby horses are entering it. Gee, I wonder why. I'm taking the filly. Assuming Rachel Alexandra makes it into the field. The owner of Mine That Bird was going to enter another horse just to keep her out (gee, I wonder why) and freely admitted it. Then he changed his mind. Probably because he realized what a gutless douche he was being. Or more likely didn't really want to pay the entry fee for his second horse, and D. Wayne Lukas was going to drop his second horse if it kept Rachel Alexandra out. Oh well, maybe he can just bribe someone instead.

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Stupid Horse & Other News

I can't believe that nag won the Kentucky Derby. This is embarrassing. The most prestigious horse race in the world is won by a horse who lost his last two races in ungraded stakes races at Sunland which is a crappy little track outside El Paso. His last big race was the Breeder's Cup Juvenile which he finished last. Stellar. I've said time and again that the field is just too big. The track secretary was repeatedly calling Mine That Birds connections to remind them that he had enough earnings to be in. That's pretty sad that Churchill Downs needs the entry fees so badly that they'll take the fourth place finisher of the Sunland Derby. It's really sad that POS won. It didn't run a lick in it's last race and suddenly it explodes down the stretch? Mine That Bird is the worst Derby history in history. At least in my lifetime. I thought Giacomo was bad, but at least he'd hit the board in the Santa Anita Derby before the Kentucky Derby. That's a slightly better race than the Sunland Derby.

I'm a snob about horse racing. I don't mind long shots coming in when it's a regular race, but I want the top horses to win the Derby. I saw some saying it was good for racing that a long shot won. Is it? Based on what? How did Giacomo help racing when he was a non-factor the rest of his career? I think racing would have been helped a lot more if Afleet Alex had won the Triple Crown that year. Cinderella stories are for college basketball. Now, I'm not saying a cheap horse becoming a star is a bad thing. Seattle Slew and Smarty Jones weren't expected to be much, but they were top horses going into the Derby. Not some low rent nag from the sticks.

Gee, Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter left the Republican Party to become a Democrat. And freely admits that it's because he can't win the Republican Party primary for his 2010 seat. Crass political pragmatism. That always goes over well with voters. And it's not the first time he switched parties just to get elected. It screws things up with the Republican filibuster attempts, but he wasn't a solid vote anyway so I'm not sorry to see his worthless ass go. I didn't need him supporting the stimulus joke to begin disliking that douchebag. I thought Republicans were stupid not to try someone else in 2004. They're looking foolish now for raising money and campaigning for him. And he's not a lock to win re-election even though Pennsylvania always trends Democratic. Mainly because I'm not sure Specter is going to even win the Democratic primary. Specter always needed a big Republican push to hold his seat, and they really had no choice but to vote for him. But what do Democratic voters owe him. The party leadership is backing him, but are the rank and file going to? Wouldn't they want someone who hasn't been a Republican Senator for the past 29 years and isn't running on the campaign slogan "My Only Principle Is I Like Being A Senator"?

An Akron strip is in trouble. For having a 14 year old stripper. Oh, and not having a licence to run a strip joint. So, if you have one of your dancers wearing a Hello Kitty g-string, wouldn't it be smart to have the rest of your paperwork in order so you don't get checked on? When Camelot West had a 14 year old stripper here in Lexington, they got busted because her mom followed her to work.

Ah, criminal masterminds. A couple of dumbasses were arrested for stealing a county truck. They got caught because they were pushing it. Because it didn't work. And stealing a working truck would be way too much work.

I am happy to announce that I am not one of the 1539 people who has the swine flu (just because I eat slop and wallow in my own filth doesn't mean I have swine flu). But I think it's apparent that it will kill us all. Just because it doesn't seem to be spreading that quickly or more lethal than regular flu is no reason to believe we can survive this. If you have a gun, use it on yourself. It will be quicker. But fortunately Kathleen Sebelius has been confirmed as Secretary of Health And Human Services which was "essential" with the swine flu running amok and making people sick. Because medical doctors with long schooling and expensive degrees need the guidance of someone whose suitability for the job was based solely on endorsing Barak Obama early.

But there is a plus to this. It means they might stop using Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano in that job. She brings a different skill set. Well, actually not. She got the job by supporting Barak Obama too. Might be why I find most cabinet secretaries to be useless. Sure Napolitano is doing a bang-up job at Homeland Security. Her department releases a report telling cops to keep an eye out for returning vets joining radical groups. She defends it by pointing out that Timothy McVeigh was a vet and got his training in the Army. Yeah. And is the only good example she can come up with to be suspicious of a whole group. Who committed his crime 14 years ago, and if I think about it, making a fertilizer based car bomb isn't part of standard army training. Oh, Napolitano is concerned about foreign terrorists too. She wants to guard the Canadian border as much as the Mexican one because the 9/11 terrorists entered the country through there. Except they didn't. But don't worry, she's not really that worried about the southern border either. She's of the opinion that illegal immigration isn't against the law even though it's actually in the penal code, and that might be why it's called "illegal immigration". Yeah, she's an idiot.

Here is one guy who is willing to be sent back. In fact, he wants to go to Mexico. So much that he ran naked down the street so he'd be arrested and shipped home. Yeah, I say let that one go.

Love the call of censorship. Especially since it's not censorship if it's someone turning your painting around while they're teaching in the art room. Especially when they are teaching children and your painting is a 6 foot by 7 foot picture of a gerbil jacking off. I don't want anyone telling me the print of Dogs Shooting Pool over my dining room table isn't art. You can call something art, but I think a serious art student painting a rodent playing with itself is an indication of that I shouldn't take that art department too seriously.

Hmmmmm. "Leading Chinese dissident claims freedom of speech worse than before Olympics." I wonder if anyone out there thought it was a bad idea to give the games to a dictatorship. Let me think.........

Hey, spanking can make a couple closer. Especially if handcuffs are involved.

Friday, May 01, 2009

Kentucky Derby Pick & Other News

They scratched morning line favorite I Want Revenge, but I wasn't going to bet on him anyway. However, having him scratched means my pick will probably go off at shorter odds. Which sucks. Although with 18 other horses to beat, still a good chance of losing so losing at 10-1 odds is the same as losing with 4-1 odds. Actually, I was able to throw out most of the horses pretty quickly. Not counting I Want Revenge, the only horses I seriously considered were (in order of post position) Hold Me Back, Friesan Fire, Papa Clem, Chocolate Candy, General Quarters, Dunkirk and Pioneer of the Nile. After watching Colonel John not run well at last year's Derby, I'm avoiding horses that have never run on dirt. So as much as I like Pioneer of the Nile (and think he could make the dirt move pretty well), I got to toss him. And that means Chocolate Candy goes too. Hold Me Back had me interested as a long shot, because he can stalk a fast pace, but I don't see a fast pace. And he hasn't beat anyone. General Quarters ran well in the Bluegrass Stakes, but that's synthetic which isn't good, but he has dirt wins too. But they weren't top dirt races, and his pedigree doesn't make me confident of his ability at the distance. Papa Clem has me very interested because he's probably going to be a price. And while he has only really beaten one top horse (Old Fashioned who has been retired), he has run well going against other top horses and does as well on dirt as he does synthetic. If better horses get stuck in traffic, he could have a shot. He's not my choice, but I'll certainly consider him for place/show and in exotics.

That leaves Friesan Fire and Dunkirk. Dunkirk lost the Florida Derby, but barely. And I think he'll do better on Churchill's track. I really liked the way he finished. The downside is the horse didn't run as a two year old which is a concern. The trainer is Todd Pletcher who is one of the best in the business, but has struggled in the Derby. Jockey Edgar Prado is one of my favorites, one of the best and has won the Derby, but I lost every time I bet him at the Keeneland spring meet. Still, he seems to be doing good at Churchill. Friesan Fire won the Louisiana Derby, and the track there is almost exactly like Churchill. And he's won in the mud which may be important here. He's a stalker and has a good post for that. The only concerns are a seven week layoff since his last race. Some are concerned about the distance, but I'm not sure that'll be an issue. So, who to bet? Leaning towards Dunkirk because I can probably get a better price. But I think I'll wait until I see them on the track and decide which horse looks ready to run.

This is beyond a doubt one of the greatest health stories ever. Scientists have found that one of the best cures for a hangover is a bacon sandwich. Because everything is better with bacon. Well, actually it's because of some amino acid thing, but still, it's just another excuse to eat bacon. In fact, I think I'll eat more bacon as a preventive measure to hangovers. Even if I'm not drinking. Contrary to some opinion, I'm not always drunk.

A report came out that the father of one of the children who starred in Slumdog Millionaire tried to sell her. How come when Madonna uses her money to take a child with a family, it's called adopting? Personally, I think the story is a sham, but let's look at it closer. The producers of the movie decided to leave their slum dwelling child actors in the slums because giving them very much money would have a "transformative impact on their lives." That's true. They might move to a house that isn't next to an open sewer. I'm always happy to see wealthy people concerned about the well-being of poor people having money. Sure, they're saving some money for them when they reach 18. Assuming they can reach the age of 18 while living in a slum. And besides, why shouldn't her father sell her? She's peaked. Living in a slum is hard. She'll become less cute. Lose her earning power. Sell when her price is high.

How do they deal with ground squirrels in the American northwest? They blow them up. Probably while drinking coffee and wearing flannel.

I've joked before about the problems Obama appointees have had with tax issues (although I still think it's absurd that the Sec'y of Treasury didn't pay his taxes since he's over the IRS). For all the talk of professionalism, it makes them look like buffoons for not vetting them well. Then I read this little blurb. One of the members of the auto task force (you know the one that kept GM and Chrysler from going into bankruptcy by giving them a bunch of money which led to them to going into bankruptcy or about to) was under investigation by the SEC for alleged kickbacks. But the good news is that he was vetted. But still put in charge of the task force. Hmmmm. That may be more amateurish.

General Motors and Chrysler have either declared bankruptcy or plan on doing so. GM hasn't yet, but they will if their restructuring doesn't go. And if it does, the feds and United Auto Workers will own 89 percent of the company. Chrysler already did the bankruptcy route. After giving up over half the company to the UAW. Supposedly, the deal with Fiat will come in to run things and make the company a success again by bringing in their technology and knowledge. Because with all the success that import cars have had in the U.S., none have been better than Fiat. Well, except Toyota, Honda, Volkswagon and well, do they even sell Fiats here?

Where does that leave Ford who wasn't bailed out by the government? In the short term, they're screwed. Good luck trying to win federal government contracts against General Motors. Oh, and your two main competitors are owned by the union that represents your employees. I'm sure their national leadership will be more than happy to make concessions for Ford. Now, long term, Ford is....well, probably still screwed. Sure, union or government owned industries generally don't work. They're inefficient and money losing operations. However, Ford is already struggling. Since the government has a stake in those companies, they can handle the losses for awhile in hopes that things turn around. Ford may not have that kind of time.

Why do I think government operations are inefficient? They have a long history of proving it. Want a real good example? In Hawaii, an access road was damaged by flooding in a state park. The state didn't think they could repair it for less than $4 million or less than two years. So, local people whose livelihood relied on the park being open fixed it themselves in a very short time. I imagine for a lot less than $4 million.

This is good. Sweden taxes stripper webcams. And thinks about 500 strippers may be skimping on their taxes. To the tune of 40 million Swedish kroner which may or may not be actual money. But according to a currency exchange rate, that's about $5 million in lost taxes. That doesn't really pass the smell test. That'd be $10K in lost taxes per stripper. I really doubt they're pulling in enough cash to meet that amount in taxes. But the real joke is that they're looking for Swedish strippers by manual searches of webcams. So, someone has to surf sex webcams and try to match them with known Swedish strippers. Where do I apply?

I haven't really paid much attention to that Sarah Boyle chick who wowed people on that show Britian's Got Talent because she sang well even though she was old, frumpy and a virgin which some apparently think is related to singing ability. Personally, I find it hard to believe that the producers of the show weren't aware of how well she'd do, but I don't really care because these type of shows are pretty dumb. Then I read this. Some "film" studio is offering her a million bucks to be in a porno. As I hold back the bile rising in the back of my throat, I have to ask who the Hell would want to watch that?

When will the nanny state's war on clowns cease? In England, a circus clown was told he couldn't wear clown shoes because they weren't safe. Does this mean people will really big feet shouldn't go to work? Give me a break. This guy broke his foot doing a stunt that could have happened no matter what shoes he was wearing. What's next? Making trapeze artists wear hard hats? Oh wait.....

A couple in Singapore were arrested for walking naked in a bar. I find a couple of interesting points from the article. One is that the writer felt the need to point out how prudish Singapore it. Which is true, but I have a feeling that walking naked through a bar might cause legal issues in Lexington. Unless it's a hot chick. Then it's acceptable. The other point the writer made was to say they showed up wearing clothes to their court appearance. Yeah, but my assumption was they'd show up naked to it. We've got some Pulitzer material right here.