Ski Trip 2009 - Day One

This post is being written at 12:45 P.M. on Saturday and Phil still has not gotten out of bed. I've been reliably told that he is not dead and this picture may confirm that. Seem to be more extremely hungover people than last year. Probably a product of a later start to drinking and the groceries getting there even later. Or maybe due to the cabin being full of a bunch or drunks.

Dinner was beer and chili. Followed by more beer. Neighbors have been complaining about the smell since.

Jim Beam for dessert. If you notice in the picture above, that bottle was once full. I'm not sure exactly what Brett ate or drank to cause him to make this face. My guess is that he doesn't either.

Considering her shape the next morning, Kristin probably doesn't remember this picture being taken. Much to her benefit.

People started losing money early. I'm no poker expert but not having many chips doesn't seem like a good thing.

This year badges were required for the hot tub out of fear that scummy locals might sneak in.

This is one of my favorite parts of the cabin. The bunkbeds were designed for adults. Unlike another ski trip of about a year ago.

This was the closest thing to a group picture that we got on Friday.

Super Bowl Pick

Does anyone think I'm going to pick against the Steelers (not often that I root against Cardinals in football)? I went 7-3 in the other playoff games, so I'm pretty confident the Steelers will win. It's not that I think the Cardinals can't win. To begin with, Hines Ward won't be 100%. If Ben Roethlisberger plays like he did in his last Super Bowl, Arizona probably will win. You certainly can't argue about how the Cardinals went through the playoffs. I wasn't surprised that they beat Atlanta and Philadelphia at home (I picked those), but going to Carolina and winning big was a shocker. They have a decent defense that gave them a lift early in those games by holding just enough so the offense could get on the board. And the offense has great weapons. I've always been a Kurt Warner fan, and I think Larry Fitzgerald is the best receiver in the league. In fact, if you were in the fantasy league, I said so in the week 11 report (NSFW - but scroll past the other naked chicks until you get to the one showing her butt in front of a flag to see the comment). And Anquan Boldin isn't far behind. Steve Breaston is a top third receiver. The running game isn't too good. But I do think Ken Whisenhunt is a better coach than Mike Tomlin even if his team doesn't win this game. In fact, I thought Whisenhunt should have been promoted to replace Bill Cowher in Pittsburgh. Nothing against Tomlin, but it's a lot more impressive to take perennial loser Arizona to the Super Bowl in your second year than to take over a team that was two years removed from their last Super Bowl like Tomlin did.

Still, I like the Steelers chances. Philly and Carolina had good defenses, but nothing like what the Steelers will dial up. Stopping Fitzgerald will be the key, but the Steelers have been good at taking away the other teams main option. And against Carolina and Philly, the Cardinals jumped out to a lead early. That means the Panthers stopped running and Jake Delhomme self-destructed. Against Philly, the defense wore down and the Eagles made a late run to take the lead. I don't see Arizona being able to get that kind of lead against Pittsburgh. So, when Pittsburgh's offense makes their typical second half surge, it will be manageable. I do find Pittsburgh's offense to be rather disappointing at times, but I was encouraged by the playoffs. For one, the run looked great against San Diego with Willie Parker healthy. And they didn't abandon it against Baltimore even though they didn't move much on the ground. But Arizona's defense isn't Baltimore's. I think Pittsburgh can run against the Cardinals. And while Ward being out is problematic, Santonio Holmes is beginning to justify his high draft status. It would be nice if Limus Sweed could get open and catch the ball. Getting open is pointless if you keep dropping sure touchdown passes. I don't see Roethlisberger completely self destructing so I'm taking Pittsburgh by 10. But if the lead is less than a touchdown late and Arizona has the ball, I will be sweating bullets.

And it's not related, but I just want to say RIP to the piano man in this clip.

Politics & Other News

Well, we had an inauguration or coronation or annunciation. Something like that. I didn't actually watch it. I don't watch most political speeches. I read over them later because when you listen to them, you often pay attention to the performance and not what exactly gets said. That's why I hear that Obama is a great speaker, but I can't remember any memorable line. No "Four score and seven years ago". No "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall." No "I did not have sex with that woman, Miss Lewinsky." I'm not going to spend my time listening for a nice cadence. I do have to give him credit though. At least Obama didn't ascend to heaven. That might have been a bit showy.

But Obama did please his base by signing an order to stop using torture and close Gitmo. Unless of course, he decides that it needs to be done and can be reversed by another presidential order. Not that he would reverse something like that. I mean it took him only a couple of days to nominate a lobbyist to a post after establishing a policy of not appointing lobbyists to posts. My personal belief is that if you're going to give a waiver on your own policy in two days, why have the policy to begin with, but I'm not a Lightworker so maybe it's not hypocritical.

I don't understand the big deal of Gitmo anyway. To begin with, these guys were living in caves and now they get three square meals and (too much) medical care. And the argument that these aren't really bad guys is laughable. A bunch have already gone back to fighting, and those are the only ones known so far. But does anyone really believe that of thousands of people captured in Afghanistan, most of the 750 who made it to Gitmo were Algerian goat herders on vacation? Sure. And even if they were just fighting for the Talibani soldiers, why would we let them loose? We're still fighting the Taliban. They're prisoners of war. And what are we going to do with them here? The governor of Colorado is willing to take them at Supermax, but most other Democratic governors don't want them. Nancy Pelosi doesn't want them. Europe is only willing to take the "innocent" ones (good luck with that one). There's a reason Gitmo was set up for dangerous prisoners. It's one place that would be tough to break them out of. It's away from Americans. It's isolated by water, sharks and Cubans. Oh, and there are bunch of marines there as opposed to your standard issue prison guards.

I remember when CDs were replacing LPs, and one of the laments was that we'd lose the great cover art. Well, I never bought an album for the cover art, and I feel vindicated when I see a list of 15 Creepiest Albums Covers.

I almost forgot the stimulus package. We're going to spend a trillion dollars to boost the economy even though most of the money isn't going to be spent until the second half of Obama's term. When it's not expected to be as necessary. At least the stimulus package isn't supposed to get a bunch of pork added to it. Because it's already all pork to start with. But why is it taking so long? I've mentioned before that this crap takes forever to get started. Plus, what's the benefit? Are we going to be a society of asphalt layers? They found that the bridge in Minnesota may have been weakened by bird crap. So, are we going to be a nation of asphalt layers and crap cleaners?

I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that some bimbo was selling her supposed virginity and had big money offers for it. Now she is defending her whoredom by claiming it was a "sociological experiment". Yeah, when I sold drugs to those middle school kids, I was doing research on the drug war. Supposedly, she's studying the "value of virginity" and wanted to see how the public reacted to it and blah, blah, blah. Call me silly, but I'm not really aware of how prostitution is related to Marriage and Family Therapy unless you're counseling a family in which the father hired a prostitute online and his 16 year old daughter showed up at the hotel. Even then I'm not sure how the relationship between pricing and looseness of her cootchie would fit in. Maybe her next study could be on the value of dignity after making a public spectacle of yourself by whoring your twat in a public auction. I would have had more respect (which is very relative in this case) for her if she just admitted that she did it for the money and used the press to boost her price.

Speaking of little whores, Britney Spears is causing a bit of controversy again, and not for good reasons like having her vocal chords cut. No, this is for having a song title that sounds dirty because if you say it really fast it sounds like your spelling out a low brow term for fornication followed by "me". Which I guess is a step up for her since I wasn't sure she could spell and just flashed her beaver to let men know she was ready. I guess the comeback isn't going too well if she's trying to get attention with such a lame attempt.

This was a cute story out of New York. Carpetbagger Hilary Clinton decided being a senator from New York sucked and took the Secretary of State job. Out of nowhere, John F. Kennedy's daughter became the front runner as her replacement even though she'd never really done anything or even voted much herself. Then she pulls out of the running for "personal reasons" (her claim) or because the governor had no intention of appointing her (his claim). Now, uncle Teddy believes her and is screaming for vengeance. Really, what is he going to do? He's the only Kennedy I know with any real pull (in spite of him being an embarrassment). This whole Kennedy thing is absurd. John F. Kennedy did virtually nothing as president. Well, he did start the buildup of American forces in Vietnam, but his groupies always seem to forget that along with a large tax cut he supported. Now, he did push space exploration which I liked. Outside of that, what did he accomplish? The Peace Corp? That's really worked. Face it, Kennedy died 45 years ago. His memory is kept alive by the most self-indulgent generation in American history, the baby boomers, who still can't believe he's gone. Caroline Kennedy had no business being considered for the job. I think she was pushed into it by the family because Ted probably won't be with us much longer and no other Kennedy has national name recognition to make people continue to believe they are a relevant political force.

Now, the race to replace Clinton in New York is nowhere near as fun as replacing Obama in Illinois. As should be common knowledge now, Rod Blagojevich is under indictment and facing impeachment for trying to sell his appointment to Obama's seat. He is now comparing himself to Ghandi, Mandela and Martin Luther King because he is so persecuted. I'm surprised he isn't going around wearing a crown of thorns. Even better, he compared the whole ordeal to Pearl Harbor (does this mean we'll attack Japan in retaliation?), and he says they're trying to give him the boot so they can raise taxes. Not often you hear a Democrat taking a stand against raising taxes. That was after an earlier press conference claiming he was being impeached for pushing for better health care. He also now says that he considered appointing Oprah Winfrey. Good idea there. I thought he was delusional. Then I remembered that he played the Democratic congressional leadership like a bunch of chumps by playing the race card...........I mean, nominating a black man that they couldn't refuse out of respect for their identity politics even though they previously said they would not seat anyone Blago nominated. That was genius.

Why do I not take wacky environmentalists seriously? Oh, because they do things like bite the bus driver because he isn't driving a hybrid bus.

Nancy Pelosi. Girl genius. She has said that not having children is good for the economy. Interesting theory. Not very good long term thinking. People are already complaining that we won't have enough workers to support those friggin' baby boomers when they retire. The only other option is to have mass immigration of baby producing ethnic groups. We're better off than Europe with their new radical Islamic citizenship. We just have a bunch of Mexicans. At least they drink Bud Light and have food without goats. Look what low birth rate has done for Japan. Canon is actually giving their emplyees time off to go have sex. I wish my employer would do that. And kick in the money to get it.

A new way to take out an appendix. Through the vagina. Great. Another excuse for lack of friction. I like the quote "there is not a comparable approach for men". Well, duh. Who thought there was?

A new study says that alcoholics have less sexual dysfunction. Well, I didn't really read the whole article. It had a picture of a woman with big knockers and lots of beer which distracted me. But that will be my next pick up line. "I'm a drunk so my junk works."

Before I forget (and have to listen to Phil bitch), I must say something about the ski trip. It's this weekend and the forecast isn't for freezing rain. Sounds good to me.

This story may have involve a password for the NY Times. That shouldn't be a problem since so many of my friends are commi............I mean liberals. It's not political. It's about sex. Someone did an experiment to see the sexual response to sexually explicit scenes. They had people record their feelings and strapped probes to genatalia to make sure they weren't lying on the written record. What did they find? Well, males who said they were heterosexual got excited watching heterosexual porn and lesbians plus naked chicks doing stuff. Gay men got excited for gay porn. Women got excited over everything. Everything means everything except some steroid pumped up guy walkng on the beach. Oh, and what they record manually doesn't correspond to vaginal secretions. So, a woman's vagina disagrees with her. Yet, one of the things they get excited by is watching monkeys do it. Monkeys? Are you effing kidding me? My luck sucks with a section of people who get excited over moneky sex? How depressing.

But to show how nice I am to the ladies I know. Here's a video of moneky sex or something like it.

Dying Newspapers & Other News Stories

There's been a recent spate of newspapers filing for bankruptcy or trying to be sold. First it was the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Then it was the Minnesota Star-Tribune (nice that the unions thought it was better to hold firm against concessions because no job is infinitely better than a lower paying one). And the Rocky Mountain News (I'm sure saying this is your unprofitable newspaper won't make it harder to sell). I'm not going to do like other conservatives and blame it on an industry with very monolithic editorial policies although it doesn't make sense to alienate a portion of your potential sales. It's obvious why newspapers are struggling. They don't provide much. I used to get a newspaper every day. Now I might if I'm going out for lunch. And if it wasn't for the crossword puzzle, I probably wouldn't do that. Mainly because most of the news is old news. Most of the stories in section 1 are from wire services which means I read them online the day before (or a couple of days before in some instances). Even local news was usually on the evening news the day before. I'm willing to bet a sizable portion of the newspaper buying public is only there for local sports, comics and crossword puzzles. Well, and maybe Jumble. Yet, newspapers will blow tons of cash of stupid crap. Why would a newspaper from a town without an NFL team send a reporter to cover the Super Bowl? It's just wasteful. A lot of these papers should just go online. Maybe keep a smaller tabloid version with some more in depth local coverage. You'll cut your overhead costs and can still have printable crossword puzzles.

I wonder if this story gets made into a heart warming movie starring Robin Williams or Julia Roberts as the unconventional teacher doing what it takes to educate the students. I mean, duct taping a student's mouth shut is certainly unconventional. But before we get too tough on her, just remember this. Kids are brats. He probably deserved it. In fact, in the book I'm planning to write on raising children, there will be an entire chapter devoted to the proper (and improper) use of duct tape.

Might also have a chapter on proper places to have sex. I'm not sure that one of those giant Ferris wheels that cities keep building is the best place. People can see into it. There could be motion sickness. Swaying could screw up your rhythm. So, I'd say don't do it. Unless she's really hot. Or you can't get anywhere else quickly.

There's this inauguration thing going on this week. I'll probably miss it because it's my bowling night. And I never watched it when someone I voted for won so I'm not going to watch someone I didn't vote for. It's turning into quite a big deal. In fact, it's getting its own bailout due to concerns for public safety. Apparently the city of Washington does not believe it has enough resources to "protect the public". It's Washington DC. Does this mean they usually have the money, but choose not to protect the public in one of the most crime ridden cities in America? I just like how the last inauguration was considered unseemly due to the price tag which was about a third of the expected cost of this one.

Maybe they can sell it as an economic stimulus. Except for whores. DC is putting up signs along high whoring streets to say it's a prostitution free zone. And it threatens them with arrest and possible fines. Which confuses me greatly because I thought prostitution was already illegal in Washington DC. Damn, Ted Kennedy may not even show up. Well, they can always call Eliot Spitzer and ask for some numbers of places that will ship down from New York.

I wonder if anyone is going to import some Obama cagners to sell for the occasion. These things are little figurines of people taking a dump. Not in a toilet. On the ground. And there is one of Obama. And apparently of the three wise men for your nativity scene. I think this pretty well explains why Spain hasn't been a world power in centuries.

I think the Washington press corp will work even harder on getting Obama re-elected after finding out that his vacations are to Hawaii after years of following Bush to Crawford, Texas. Of course, I find the coverage ridiculous. The studio throws it to the correspondent in Hawaii to report that Obama played golf. Doesn't it seem like a waste of time and money to set up a shot on the beach to report that? I'm not saying they shouldn't be there in case there is breaking news. It just seems stupid to run them out on the beach to report fluff.

This was quite an impressive feat. As I'm sure everyone knows, an airliner crashed into the Hudson river after a flock of geese knocked out both engines. Everyone lived. I've been in a plane crash, but the plane hadn't left the ground yet nor actually made it to the runway. The fact the pilots were able to land a plane on a river with no engine power is simply incredible.


What I think is more important is the geese. I'm sure most people are assuming that this is a random act that nearly became a tragedy. I think it was premeditated. This is just the first salvo in the expected human-geese war. I call on any human being coming across a goose to immediately kill it or take it prisoner.

I caught the tail end of some story about Steve Jobs taking a leave of absence from Apple due to some health issues. But I don't really care about that. All I care is that they've rejected the iBoobs app for the iPhone which means geeks can't shake their phone and watch a set of knocker bounce around. It's a damn shame this is what the country is coming to.

Do people on the west coast not get tired of wackjobs making them look stupid? A woman runs a shop that sells stuff. I can't really be more explicit than that because it doesn't really say. However, she lets the customer decide the price. Now, she's going out of business because she can't pay her rent. She's blaming a bad economy. Silly me. I would have assumed that having a business model that allows customer's to decide if they want to pay below cost for your items would cause you to go out of business no matter what.

Now, this store sells more explicit stuff. Some Australian sex shop has been broken into and the guy had sex with some blow up dolls. Which he left behind so they can match his DNA. Now, I would never go to such a place, and I would certainly never consider buying one of those things. However, if I was in the market for one, I would not buy it at this shop without checking to make sure the box was factory sealed.

Here are the stories I'd want to cover if I wrote for a news organization. This is a really long article to simply state that Canada has its own porno movie industry to compete with LA's. But the author got to spend her time in porn shops and on adult movie sets which has to be better than sitting around a city council meeting. What's the point of the article when the porn dealers say there isn't a demand for it? I did like this justification why Canadians might want to buy porn made locally - "when you see a Canadian girl that you could run into at the supermarket instead of knowing that 99% of the movies are coming out from Los Angeles." Man, if I run into a woman I see in a porno at my local grocery, I hope she doesn't hand test the produce before buying. I don't want to spend half the morning scrubbing any apples I buy.

Interesting health study. It found that more people are using prescription sleep aids. The study also found that college students are using them at a much higher rate. College kids today are such pussies. When I was in college, I didn't need sleep aids. Of course, when you're drunk most of the time, you fall asleep quite easily.

Some people who misuse the court system should be beaten. This douchebag is suing Hooters for not hiring him as a food server. This is utterly ridiculous. His lawyer should be disbarred for even claiming that Hooters isn't a sexually-oriented business. What planet is he living on? Sure, it's not the porn industry, and I know straight women who eat there because they like bar food. However, the bread and butter for the restaurant is male customers who like the fact that their waitress is an attractive young lady (if the manager knows how to hire) in tight shorts and a tank top, and they certainly don't want some dude dressed like that serving them food. Would this idiot attorney sue Solid Platinum for not hiring a male stripper, because after all, it's just dancing? It's obviously a money play. They're hoping for a settlement. The courts need to crack down on this crap and fine the hell of the attorney and client so that they don't keep wasting people's time with this.

News Stories and Weekend Picks

The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame had their inductions recently. I usually don't pay too much attention to them since it's basically decided by Jann Wenner who runs Rolling Stone which hasn't been worth a crap since P.J. O'Rourke left. The real reason I don't pay attention is because acts like Madonna are in (which I may have criticized before) instead of real rock 'n roll groups like Rush or Chicago. But here it is again. Metallica made it, but so did Run-DMC. Not to take anything away from Run-DMC, but they aren't a rock 'n roll act. Sure they did a cover of "Walk This Way" by Aerosmith, but they had Aerosmith do the song with them. I doubt it gets as popular without Aerosmith. I'm not a hip hop fan, except of course for the Fat Boys because you know they can never be wack. However, I don't care how good Run-DMC was in hip hop. They could be the greatest rap act ever, but this is the rock 'n roll hall of fame. They don't belong. Sure, they had one sorta rock hit with "Walk This Way", but they aren't going to put Deion Sanders in the Baseball Hall of Fame because he was a great football player who had one good season in baseball. And don't give me any crap about their influence leading to Nu metal because while some like Linkin Park had their moments, I don't think anyone should want to claim the spawning of Limp Bizkit.

Maybe I'm the only one who cares about stuff like this, but I was fascinated that a 1937 Bugatti worth over $4 million was found in some dudes garage in England after his death. I'm just offended that he hadn't driven it in almost 50 years and couldn't clean the damned dust off. You have one of the great classic cars of all time and you park it?

It's kind of nice to know that England doesn't stand for public sex. A woman was arrested for pleasuring her boyfriend on the street outside a bar. Three times. My first thought was for them to get a room. Then I saw a picture of her and began to think her having sexual relations even in private should be illegal.

But at least she's just some local junkie. In Uruguay, the interior secretary caused some controversy because she posted a picture of herself nekkid in the shower on Facebook. She defended herself by "saying the photo was not made available publicly or intended to be erotic." I didn't see the picture in question (thank God), but I saw a picture of her and I don't think any picture of her doing anything could ever be interpreted as erotic.

Philadelphia at Arizona
I got the Philly win over the Giants right. I was wrong about Arizona. Even though I was rooting for them, I did not think they could go into Carolina and win. Not only did they go into Carolina, but they dominated. So, now I can root for them and also pick them to win. One reason is Philadelphia is banged up. They may not have a healthy Brian Westbrook who is the only gamebreaker for the Eagles. Another is that Arizona plays really well at home and their defense has suddenly become good. Not adequate. Not decent. They are actually doing well. But the main reason is that Anquan Boldin may be back. Without him, Kurt Warner killed the Panthers with Larry Fitzgerald. How will those two do with Boldin back? For those in the TRU Fantasy Football League, you might remember several weeks back when I mentioned that of all the wide receivers in the NFL, I would take Fitzgerald over any of them (you can see the link here, but it's not safe for work or home for that matter; just scroll past pictures of naked women until you get to the topless girl showing her ass). He gets open. He catches everything. He and Methuelah.... I mean Kurt Warner will lead the Cardinals past the Iggles.

People think I'm utterly insane because I haven't seen a doctor in years. Well, that and other things. Lots of other things. However, the latest study on medical fashion show that my paranoia about doctors and nurses (non-porn star) isn't unfounded. People in the medical profession like to keep wearing their scrubs without washing them even though they know that it's covered in bacteria. Let this be a lesson to those who wish to engage in adultery (no names mentioned) and happen to pick up herpes. Just say that you went to the doctor for a physical and got it from his lab coat.

Now this is a doctor who knows what he wants. He donated a kidney to his wife. Now they are divorcing over an alleged affair by the woman with a man's kidney. He wants his kidney back or a million and half dollars for his trouble. I'm completely taking his side on this one. Sure, he's not going to get his kidney back, but he shouldn't have to give her anything. The allegation is that her affair started a couple of years after the operation. If so, how low rent is that? If she can't go five years without cheating on the man who gave her an organ for filtering urine, she doesn't deserve anything from him.

Speaking of cheating, one of Hugh Hefner's "girlfriends" from that silly reality show has admitted that she would sneak out of the house to bang some other dudes. I must say I love the headline that says "she cheated on Hugh Hefner for sex". I guess as opposed to cheating on him with cards. Let's move into reality for a minute. She's engaged to some other guy. Gee, I wonder is she was sneaking out to have sex with him. Did people really think those three bimbos were actual girlfriends who were having sex with Hefner instead of props to make some egotistical geriatric believe he's still some kind of male sex symbol?

Hey, here's a new girlfriend for Hef. Some college chick is selling her virginity online. And supposedly getting offers of a quarter of a million dollars (I'm holding my arm up so the BS doesn't get on my watch). While I'm sure popping a virgin is something rare in this day and age for non-pedophiles, I just can't see anyone really paying that much for an act that will be over in 45 seconds (that is the average time, right?). My favorite part is that she is getting her Masters in Family and Marriage Therapy. If I was going to marriage counseling, I'd want her. How is she going to tell you that a husband spending time with prostitutes is bad?

Speaking of marriage, a couple that met on an internet dating service got married. At Taco Bell. Now, I like Taco Bell. And I'm not really much of a romantic. But I can't see getting married at a Taco Bell. Going to the Justice of the Peace and stopping at the drive-thru afterwards, sure. Having the wedding there, I don't think so.

Baltimore at Pittsburgh
Yeah, I know. I have an inherent bias towards the Steelers. And I hate the Ravens for being the main divisional rival to Pittsburgh. And I lived amongst whiny ex-Baltimore Colts fans for a few years before they did to Cleveland what Indy did to them (yet they still feel like a victim). Still, I think the Steelers have to stink up the field to lose this one even if the previous games were close. For one, they're at home. They play much better there. They are also playing well since Willie Parker looks healthy. I like Mewelde Moore, but having him and Parker is huge. Not only that, but the Ravens are hurt. They won't have their best corner, Samari Rolle, and Terrell Suggs is a gametime decision (don't worry, he'll play). Besides, the Steelers rolled over the Chargers while the Ravens were lucky to beat the Titans. They won't be lucky again.

In order to beat the Titans, the Ravens got a gift from the referees. I'm fairly forgiving on referee error if they admit they screwed up. In this game, the refs gave the Ravens a standing 8 count (okay, maybe 2) without calling them for a delay of game in which the game winning drive survived a third down. It was bad. The time that ran off the game clock after hitting zero was long. Afterwards, the officials called it a "natural delay". Was he jerking off? That took forever. The assumption is that the ref looks at the play clock and when it hits zero and he looks down, if it's being snapped, they let it go. Well, that's dumb. If he looks down and the center still has the ball, he wasn't snapping it when the clock hit zero.

Want to know how batshit crazy things are in California? Some federal judge decided that prison officials were dicking around with prison health care so he appointed a receiver who decided that the state should spend billions building new "holistic" prison hospitals which included lounges, handball courts and yoga. Supposedly an inmate is dying per week which I don't really believe, but even if they are, so what? I bet a good chunk are dying due to lifestyle decisions they made in and out of prison. I'm not going to sit here and worry about a bunch of degenerate convicts over someone else who didn't do anything to get incarcerated. Considering what a lot of them do, they should be thankful they aren't taken out into the woods and tied to a tree for a bear to eat.

Not that this was the worst prison story I've read recently. In Texas, the Rangers closed down a local prison because prisoners had recliners. How do you get recliners in a jail? And does it facilitate backdoor rape?

Wow, it's a good thing our new Secretary of Education is coming from the Chicago school system. At least it will get him out of Chicago. The latest is that an off duty cop at some high school in Chicago strip searched some teenage girls after a fire was started (what was she looking for?; as a pyromaniac, I know the evidence burns up). Sure, my interest may have been perked up by the words "teenage girls" and "strip searched", but then I saw this statement by parents' attorney - "these are minor children and you don't strip search minor children without first talking to the parents". I've been talking to a lot of parents of teenage girls lately. Idle chit-chat of course.

Now this story about teenage students giving it up doesn't come from Chicago. It comes from Washington which I've reliably been told is a province out west. A court has ruled a teacher can't be prosecuted for banging a student as long as she is 18. I have to agree. I don't think that teachers should be dropping loads on students, but if the student is of age of consent, it should not be a crime. A firing offense, sure. Jail time, no. You can't make a legal differentiation between someone being old enough to get their groove on with an older man and an older man who happens to be a teacher. If an 18 year old having sex with a 33 year old is wrong if he's a teacher, it's wrong in general. Either she is old enough to spread 'em or she's not.

Unlike this situation. A man tried to sell his 14 year old daughter to an 18 year old. That should really be illegal. Although she apparently wanted to go with him. And he was offered a lot for her. $16K, 100 cases of beer and meat. Hopefully the meat was high quality beef. The best part is that he went to the police because the guy didn't pay up. Did he actually tell the cops that he didn't get his beer and meat in exchange for his very underage daughter? And how stupid was he to think an 18 year old would have access to that much money, beer and meat?

NFL Picks and Some News Stories

Well, I went three for four last week. If I was smart, I'd quit while I was ahead. But..........

Baltimore Ravens at Tennessee Titans
My first thought was that the Titans should handle this game easily. To begin with, they won in Baltimore earlier in the season. The Ravens' offense has a tendency to fold against good defenses. Tennessee has a good defense. Then I started thinking that Baltimore really does have a shot. They've got a really good defense too. Tennessee doesn't have much of a passing game and Baltimore could sell out the run. They've only lost two games since week 7. Of course, the only decent teams they beat were Miami and Philly when Philly had its collective head up its ass. They lost to the only good teams they played - Steelers and Giants. I'm going with the Titans. They spanked the Steelers in their last meaningful game of the season and I heard Ed Reed didn't practice Wednesday for the Ravens. If he's out or even gimpy, that is a killer for their defense.

In non-football related sports news, Charles Barkley got his ass arrested for a DUI. That's not that big of a story. He doesn't play anymore and I don't watch much NBA analysis. The story becomes good when you see the police report. He was pulled over for running a stop sign. His excuse was that he was picking up a girl for a BJ because she gave the best ones around. Now, how genius is that? To begin with, I'm pretty sure he's still married, so why would you want an official police report to mention that you're not only picking up a woman for oral sex, but you're picking up her up because she gave you a good one last week? And considering you're picking her up off the street, I'm thinking she might be a hooker so is telling the police that smart? And finally, does he think there is a BJ exception to traffic laws? That as long as it's good oral sex that you're running stop signs for, it's okay? I'm going to look this one up.

Speaking of improper penis talk, Kathy Griffith took some heat (or would have if anyone had really been watching) for ripping a heckler and then saying "You know, I don't go to your job and knock the dick out of your mouth." Now, I was personally offended. Not by the language, but as someone with a sense of humor, I was offended that CNN insisted on labeling her a comedienne when she's not funny. I was also offended that she couldn't think of anything more up to date than. I'm pretty sure Andrew Dice Clay used it back in the 80s, and I know it was a long time ago that I saw this clip of another comedian using it (before hitting someone with a guitar).

Arizona Cardinals at Carolina Panthers
I don't have to say much about this one. For all their faults, picking Arizona to win last week wasn't really hard because they were a much better home team and going against a rookie quarterback. This week they are on the road. At Carolina which is on the east coast and where they lost in week 8. Arizona played five games in states touching the Atlantic Ocean. They lost all five by a combined 202-102. I'd like to see Arizona win, but I don't see it happening. Take the Panthers.

Some controversy in Germany right now. Apparently they have a rat problem in Berlin. No, not Tom Cruise filming there. He's left. Real rats who are running all over the place. One politician came up with a solution to pay homeless people to kill the rats. Now, as someone who has had pet rats, I like rats. However, there's a difference between domesticated rats and nasty sewer rats much like there is between a wild dog or your average leg-humping pet. I had to laugh at the article where it was stated that it was "inhuman" to have poor people killing rats? How stupid is that? We pay people all the time to kill rats. They're called exterminators. Is it inhuman to employ them? Besides, if they're on the government dole, they should be pulling their weight better. Granted, I wouldn't be too keen on seeing this nation's homeless bums running around with shovels trying to whack rats while suffering the effects of rotgut liquor and schizophrenia. Still, there would be a lot of entertainment value in watching that. I'll leave my opinion on this uncertain.

From rats to beaver. A woman is suing her ex lover for sending naked pictures of her to her mother. I'm not saying the guy isn't a cad, but she took the pictures of herself using his cell phone. Sorry, if you're dumb enough to use his phone to take pictures of yourself, don't act surprised when bad things happen after your breakup. And breaking his phone doesn't help. But to be perfectly honest, I just posted the story because she plays in the Lingerie Football league and it had pictures.

From beaver to bad beaver. A Canadian man (which explains so much) got AIDS from his ex-wife and now is saying other men she slept with should get tested. His ex-wife is a Thai stripper. She was working as one for almost a decade. That she picked up AIDS seems to have surprised him. She's a Thai sex worker. He was lucky he didn't find out she had a wang when she got there.

Philadelphia Eagles at New York Giants
These two teams split the regular season with both teams winning on the road. Both games were close. The Giants certainly seem to be the better team, but my guess is the Eagles were the last team they wanted to see because they know each other so well. Brandon Jacobs should be back so that's huge for the Giants. Still, the Eagles are picking things up. The Giants did rise up and beat the Panthers in week 16, but they finished the season losing 3 of their last 4. I'm just not sold on the Giants winning it all without having a big target like Plaxico Burress. Eli Shi.....Manning looks lost at times without him (and ugly all the time). This game seems like as good as any to pick their upset so I'm taking the Eagles.

What is it about Disney and chicks wanting to whip out their knockers? You already had the whole show 'em on Splash Mountain. Now I find out that they fired some guys portraying Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean because women were flashing their breasts at them. Actually, since they aren't really Johnny Depp, I'm not really believing that's happening all that much. And even if it was Johnny Depp, get a grip people, he's from Owensboro. It ain't that exciting. But I may just go down and see if I can get the person dressed as Ariel fired by flashing my junk at her. Or the one in Minnie Mouse.

This is a cheery story. A guy calls in a heart attack in England. The EMTs show up, see how "untidy" his place is and let him die because it wasn't worth the effort to save him. We know this because they weren't smart enough to realize the phone was still on an open line. Guy living alone in a messy place? Remind me never to move to there. Gee, a country with socialized medicine and people question whether someone deserves to die on the floor rather than get treatment? Who would have thought that? Besides me. And some others.

Another health related story from England that doesn't involve letting people die. An interracial couple had a set of twins, and one looked black and one looked white. Not completely uncommon since they were fraternal twins and one can get dominant genetics from one parent while the other child gets it from the other. Which I assume the article mentioned, but I didn't really read it. However, the story gets a lot less common because they did again. Two sets of fraternal twins with different genetic pigmentation? That is not common at all. Statistically, it's seems highly unlikely. Since I prefer to think the worst of people (I really don't, but people expect me to), I did some research. It's possible for a woman to have fraternal twins with different fathers. I'm not saying that Mom was sleeping around here, but if I was the daddy, I'd start asking what she was doing the morning of conception.

San Diego Charger at Pittsburgh Steelers
I'm pretty sure that anyone who knows me knows that I will never pick against the Pittsburgh Steelers. I'm not even going into detail why the future 2009 Super Bowl champions will beat the hosers from the left coast.

Let's do a couple of Why Johnny Can't Read stories. This story came out awhile back and it should kill any misconceptions that public universities are defenders of free thought rather than bastions of political correctness. A student at IUPUI takes a job as a janitor at the school to help pay for his education. He was charged with racial harassment by the school for reading an anti-KKK book on his own time because he read it in front of co-workers who were, let's just say for argument's sake, overly sensitive. Defenders of the guy keep making the argument that since it was an anti-Klan book, that it was okay for him to read it. That's some BS right there. It doesn't matter what or why he was reading. Reading a book about the Klan doesn't make you a bigot. I still own a copy of the Communist Manifesto from when I was in college. I don't think anyone would believe I am a communist even if I claimed to be. But that doesn’t matter anyway. He could be a wannabe Klansman and it would be irrelevant. He was on his break. He wasn’t engaging in Klan activities. He was reading a friggin’ book. It’s beyond belief that a center of learning would try to censor what their employees read on personal time. Actually, it’s not beyond belief because universities are havens for politically correct intolerance.

The Chicago public schools are trying to clean up their act. Apparently they've been spending money without oversight and doing other crap, but I want to focus on the cappuccino machines. They bought 30 of them for schools. For $67,000. Even though they weren't requested. Here is my problem. The inspector general is unhappy for two reasons. They spread it between several schools to keep from getting bids. And it was $12,000 more than if they had gotten competitive bids. WTF? He's not even asking the right questions. One, why do schools need a cappuccino machine? They're coffee pots. Two, you can get them at Walmart (unless you're Phil or the Divines) for a few hundred bucks. They paid over $2200, but they could have only paid $1800 for a coffee pot with a steamer on it. That $55,000 they think they should have paid is still more than the median household income in the U.S.. And it was for 30 coffee pots. Fiscal sanity is still paying five times as much? And yet, school systems are wondering why they don't have any money. Here's a good idea. Let's make the head of Chicago Public Schools the new Secretary of Education. What could go wrong there?

NFL Wildcard Weekend

Written while watching Alabama trailing by 11 late in the fourth quarter after falling behind 21-0 which was my least expected moment of the bowl games. Well, except two teams in the Sun Bowl averaging 30 points a game and finishing with a 3-0 game. Didn't they practice before going to the game? Since beating Alabama made Florida the number one team, doesn't this mean Utah should now be the number one team since they are the only undefeated team left?

I do have another thought about the Sugar Bowl. I had mentioned before how strange it is that BYU (the Mormon school) was playing in Vegas. Well, Utah isn't a Mormon based university but considering almost two thirds of the state are Mormons, a good chunk of their fan bases is also Mormon. That means the two schools with the with non-drinking religious fan base were sent to Vegas and New Orleans.

But onto the NFL. It constantly amazes me how many teams lay an egg when the playoffs are on the line. The most obvious example would be Dallas. Win and you're in. Lose by 36 and you're out. Dallas didn't even show up. Denver just needed a win to get in. Lost by 31. Chicago needed a win (and some help) to get in. Lost to Houston. Tampa was in the same shape and lost to crappy Oakland. At home. Even teams that got wins weren't all that impressive. Carolina wins and gets a bye. Needed last second field goal to beat New Orleans. If Carolina had lost, an Atlanta win would have given them the bye. They were losing late to that pathetic Rams before getting the win. Minnesota didn't know Chicago was going to lose to give them the division. Yet, with a win needed, they were taken down to the wire by the Giants' backups.

Atlanta at Arizona
Actually a tough call here. Common sense tells me that Atlanta should win. The Cardinals suck on defense. They have no running game to speak of. Of their last ten games, the only teams they beat were Seattle (twice), St. Louis (twice) and San Francisco. They also lost at New England by 40. In that same time, Atlanta beat playoff teams Minnesota, San Diego and Carolina. Still, I'm not ready to write off the Cardinals yet. Maybe I still have nostalgia for Kurt Warner's days in St. Louis when the Greatest Show On Turf was so fun to watch. However, there's other reasons to give the Cardinals a shot. Atlanta wasn't as good on the road as at home. Even wins were harder to get. Arizona only had two home losses and one was a tight game against the defending Super Bowl champs. Still, the other loss was to the Vikings by three touchdowns in their last home game. Kind of makes you worried. Two wins in their last six games is also a concern. I just get the gut feeling that the Cardinals are going to take it. So, put all your money on the Falcons. The added benefit is I'm sure Dave Spitzer will take picking against Atlanta personally.

Indianapolis at San Diego
This is another game where it seems obvious on the surface that the Colts should win. The Chargers are 8-8 and needed to win their last four games just to win a crap division. They're facing a 12 win Colts team that has won 9 straight. Still, it makes you wonder. The Colts won the games but they weren't exactly dominant in their wins. Outside of that, they only have two of those nine wins by more than a touchdown and one was the last game of the season between backups. The other was the Bengals who suck. The Chargers three losses since their week 9 bye were to playoff teams and all were close. But they did have two really close wins over Kansas City who suck. Still, if you go back over the past few years, the Chargers have matched up well with the Colts. And I know a lot of Colts fans so I wouldn't mind talking some trash about them getting beat. However, there is an x-factor. LaDanian Tomlinson may not play. Since Indy sucks against the run, that could be major. If he plays, I think the Chargers pull off the upset.

Baltimore at Miami
It was pretty funny to me that pundits were debating whether the Packers were better off without Brett Favre since the Packers record got worse while the Jets got better. Still, Favre played like crap to finish the season and the Dolphins knocked them off to take the division. Maybe the question should ask if the Jets were better off with Favre over Chad Pennington. This playoff game is between two teams out of nowhere to make the playoff, but Miami is obviously the biggest surprise since they won 1 game last year and increased that to 11 this year. With Chad Pennington who was released by the Jets after trading Favre. Now, Baltimore wasn't as big a differential, but they only won four games last year. That kind of skews things because it means their schedule didnt' include too many playoff teams. This means the Dolphins played only three playoff teams with a win over the Chargers and losses to the Cardinals and the Ravens who they are playing now. The Ravens did play six playoff teams, but they lost five of them with the only win over the Dolphins. So the real question is whether the Dolphins are better now than they were in week seven. I think they are and will be playing in the second round of the playoffs.

Philadelphia at Minnesota
Philadelphia had the longest odds of making the playoffs going into the last week. They beat Dallas and watched Tampa and Chicago lose to give them the last wildcard spot. Minnesota could have lost the last week and still won the division after Chicago lost. I'm taking Philadelphia. With their top defensive tackles banged up, I don't trust anyone on the Vikings team (or coaching staff) except Adrian Peterson. I don't think he's enough.