We're getting ready to. Carolina has their pick in early. Of course, that's not surprising. They've known since the end of the season that they'd have this pick. Well, longer than that. They were crappy all year. First pick isn't that surprising either. They took Cam Newton. I think he'll be a bust. Not really a bust. I think he'll have career, but I'm not buying him as a superstar. Not accurate enough and I'm not sure he's got the willingness to work at getting better. But the good news is that with Newton's next signing bonus, the government will actually get its cut. Unlike the one from Auburn boosters, this one won't be in a duffle bag and will be taxable.
The Broncos take LB Von Miller. This will probably be the oddest moment of the draft. He got choked up after being announced and took his sweet time going up on stage. I thought maybe he didn't want meet the commish since.........well, he's suing the league over the labor unrest. Actually, I'm quite confused why he's even at the draft if that is the case. But then he went and hugged Goodell like he was his long lost father (even though they looked nothing alike). Probably stole his wallet.
Non-football Story Alert - Ah Boston. Land of the perpetually stupid. They are banning the selling of coke on city property. Not cocaine (that's probably still okay). Sodas and other drinks with sugar. Because they make people fat and cause health problems and banning them will save money in the long run. Well, no it won't. Not city money anyway. I'll clue you in on something. People who want to drink cokes can bring them in with them. People will leave the park and go to a convenience store and get a coke. That means money made from concessions and vending machines will be a lot less. And people will still be fat.
The Bills took someone. I wasn't really paying much attention since all their first round picks don't do much. It's only because of the absolute disaster that Detroit consistently produces with their early picks that the Bills have not been properly recognized for their own ineptitude. And then the Bengals take AJ Green. I liked AJ Green. Damned shame he went there. But I'm sure he's excited for the beginning of the Jordan Palmer Era. Then Arizona grabs CB Patrick Peterson out of LSU. There was some surprise that Arizona took him since they weren't seen as needing a cornerback. Yeah, that bottom 10 pass defense certainly wouldn't need that.
Alright. Atlanta traded up to get Julio Jones out of Alabama. I remember when he was on Sanford and Son. Then the 49ers draft some guy named Aldon Smith. No word if he's related to Aldo Nova.
Jake Locker just went 10th? That's a lot higher than I would have thought. Which led to Jon Gruden telling us how much he loves Locker. But for someone who hated everyone he coached, Gruden now thinks everyone is great. Oh, and it also led to Adam Schefter discussing how far the next QB in line, Blaine Gabbert, will fall. In the course of his soliloquy, Schefter referred to Gabbert by his full name about eight times. Because no one would have know which Blaine or Gabbert he was talking about if he'd shortened it.
Non-football Story Alert - Sometimes mothers can be a pain in the ass. An Italian babe was sunbathing topless and since she didn't want to get a burn, she began rubbing lotion on her apparently massive knockers (damn you news media for not getting the pictures we all want). Some wench went and complained to the cops because her boys (12 and 14) were "troubled" by seeing that. Is that what they call boners these days? Sad day when hot chicks can't rub their boobs in front of me.
Uh oh. Dallas just took a sensible pick. No nonsense offensive lineman. Although with their scouting, they'll move him to left tackle and find out later that he should be at the less valuable right tackle position. Uh oh. Schefter's great freefall of (Blaine) Gabbert ended two picks later (#10) as Jacksonville traded up to get Gabbert. And Gruden didn't understand it because he loves Gabbert but he also loves Jacksonville's present starter David Garrard. Obviously, Gruden never had Garrard on his fantasy roster.
Texans take some white guy for the defensive line. Nick Fairley is still waiting after being projected as a possible number one pick. I'm sure he will use that as motivation. He'll probably take a cheap shot at the usher who comes to lead him up on stage. Personally I hope he keeps dropping which isn't surprising. For all his talent, his intangibles are consistently listed as "dirty player who doesn't give maximum effort". Except when he's blind siding someone five seconds after he passed the ball. HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! CHRISTIAN PONDER WITH THE 12TH PICK?
Non-football Story Alert - What is it with Europeans and boobs these days? First the whiny woman bitching about the topless bather. Then a French mayor wants to take down a statue of Marianne (not real clear who she is; probably a prostitute) because she was designed with oversized boobage. And exactly what is wrong with that I say.
Ah, Detroit takes Fairley. That was nice of them. Then St. Louis takes Robert Quinn out of UNC after a season he had to sit out because of an NCAA suspension. Sweet. On a related note, having 58 (give or take a few) draft prospects at the show doesn't enhance the draft process at all. I don't really want to see them hug a bunch of people and run up on stage. But the part that sucks is you see them on the phone before the pick is officially made so there is no suspense when the commish actually reads off his name. More clips, less hugging. Because there's no one hear to hug me.
Heart warming story about Mark Ingram. He's very close to his dad. Who is in jail for money laundering. And his dad is doing extra time because he jumped bail to watch his son play a football game. And Suzy Kolber is saying she got an email from dad at the federal pen to give to his son. Probably asking for some smokes because that's like cash. But Ingram must wait. The Dolphins went o-line and took Mike Pouncey whose twin is the center for the Steelers. I was more interested in seeing the chick in the tight Dolphins jersey in the upper deck.
Off to make some jiffy pop.
Ate some popcorn while watching a handful of guys go. The only one I found interesting was Prince Amukamara (or something like that) to the Giants. I wasn't sure he should have been so highly rated at cornerback. I watched him get lit up by Oklahoma State. Personally I like the corner from Colorado, Jimmy Smith, who probably still won't be there when the Steelers draft. Although they probably wouldn't take him. I heard he fails drug tests.
Non-football Story Alert - Guy loses his credit card. Another guy finds it. Guy who finds it decides to use it to buy pizza. Even though he was worth millions and had a few hundred bucks in his wallet. Some people are just dicks.
I like Peyton Hillis, but how did he win a vote for the Madden cover? Well, I know how he won. It came down between him and Michael Vick who is still hated out there. But how did he make the final round?
Cute. The Colts take some o-lineman who wasn't even at the draft. He is pretty dorky looking. Perfect running mate for Peyton Manning. Was pretty cool how the girl next to him didn't realize the camera was back on them as she was shoving her thumb down her dress to fix her bra.
Ironic. After the pundits talked up the Ravens organization as being great at the draft, the Ravens miss their pick. Berman tried to excuse them by saying they were attempting to trade with the Bears. But I remember in the 2003 draft, the Vikings were widely ridiculed because they had to pass on their first round pick. In that case, their trade partner agreed to the deal, but decided time was running out and didn't call the NFL to inform them or the Vikings. So, I find this ironic because their trade partner at the time was............the Ravens. I'm kind of pissed now because finding that link forced me to read Len Pasquarelli who is a smugly arrogant bitch. More irony is the Vikings were ridiculed for losing out on Ryan Sims to have to take Bryant McKinnie one year and then had to take Kevin Williams the next year as other teams grabbed Byron Leftwich and Jordan Gross. Well, Sims was a bust while McKinnie has been a solid starter at left tackle for the Vikings. Leftwich has mostly been a backup. Gross has been a solid tackle but Williams has been to six Pro Bowls in that time.
Damn. The Ravens took Jimmy Smith.
Since the Jets are picking, lets look back at their last season. The Steelers shut them up in the playoffs and we found out after the season that Mark Sanchez was schtupping a 17 year old. Carry on.
Hey, the Steelers drafted Ironbutt Heyward's son out of Ohio State. Then the Packers took an offensive tackle to finish out the round. And Jon Gruden loved every one of them. They will all be stars.
4 years ago
