Unrest in the Middle East & Charlie Sheen. Are they related?

Big news in the Middle East. Lots of protest have already brought down regimes in Tunisia and Egypt. Libya is pretty much in a civil war. Yemen is close. Bahrain is having some troubles. It seems some people have suddenly realized they have lived for years under autocratic regimes. Oh, and ethanol production has led to higher food prices which caused rioting in those regions. Too bad no one ever thought making the connection between ethanol subsidies and food prices. But we've got revolution and a lot of people seem to like that. Viva la revolution or something. Nice in theory. But while I have no love for Hosni Mubarak and would dearly love to see Moammar Gadhafi-Qaddafi-Khadafy have his intestines stretched across the street, be careful what you wish for. Know who else likes revolution in the Middle East? Al-qaeda. Sure, in Libya, who cares. Can't get much worse than Khadafy Duck, but Egypt is another story. It's much larger and the most organized opposition to Mubarak was the Muslim Brotherhood which despite some fools saying it's a secular organization, the Muslim Brotherhood may not lead to the the free society envisioned. Sure, it's easy to say that the revolt in Egypt is the "youths", but just because they are leading it doesn't mean they'll keep it. After all, Khomeini in Iran and the Taliban in Afghanistan were just part of a larger anti-government group, but both gained control and turned their country into a third world Islamic theocracy.

Ah, Charlie Sheen. Is there nothing he can't do? Drug fueled rampage with a porn star in New York? Check. Attempt to start a porn family? Check. More porn stars and a suitcase of coke leading to a funny Taiwanese animated news story (that poor teddy bear)? Check. Blowing off rehab to take your ex-wife, new girlfriend and another porn actress on a cruise? Check. Get your highly paid gig shut down early because you went on an insane rant against your bosses? Check. Challenge your producer to a MMA fight and have another MMA fighter threaten to kick your ass? Check. And then it gets better. Sheen gives interviews. Which was his finest moment? Saying crack is okay if you can "manage it socially"? Calling on his fans to "walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice"? Telling ABC that "I'm on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen"? Nope. I think the winning interview was claiming he turned his TV show "into pure gold" and that "I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips". Okay. Now, he's beyond delusional and just plain stupid. I've seen Two and A Half Men. It's a decent show. I don't think it's good enough to set the DVR, but I often watch it if I catch it on. It's a show where Sheen plays a misogynistic womanizer with a substance abuse problem. Boy, that's some range. I'm just waiting for my big break as a single fat guy who loves chicken wings, might have a substance abuse problem and wishes he was a womanizer. But I have magic in my wang. Besides, I've seen The Wraith and I'm not impressed that much with his acting. He's probably still pissed they killed him off early in Young Guns while letting his brother get top billing. But face it. How often does he even change expression while acting? Now, will his TV show survive without him? Probably not. Will the world be a poorer place without it? Nope. And some may think he's acting out because he's bi-polar. I disagree. He's probably just an asshole. If they want to make money off of him, they should bring the show back and run it live. People will tune in just to see if this is the week he dies on stage.

But in our never ending quest to find a replacement for the soon to be dead Sheen, we've discovered the 8 year old drunk in Scotland. Not sure why the surprise. After all, the country was named after a type of whisky (I think that's the order it went in). Apparently this child is from a family of alcoholics. But it is claimed she now has the support she needs. What? A new family? Happy tree friends? Is she already collecting welfare payments? But what's the worry? The United Kingdom is already in a buttload of trouble. I've already mentioned how a guy went on vacation for a week and squatters moved in. Well, these stories keep popping up. Here's another one where a man bought a house and a bunch of deadbeats moved in. Now he's being told it could be a couple of months before squatters can be evicted. On the first story, I thought it was utterly asinine that police said it wasn't a criminal manner because they didn't break in. How is that even rational? It's not their house. The person who has the title to it has stated that they have no right to be there. Ergo, they must have broken in to get inside there. If I leave the windows down on my car, you can't legally take the radio. But this instant takes it to a whole new level of rank European stupidity. The government is giving the shiftless maggots free legal aid to fight the eviction because they're shiftless maggots who don't have a job (and probably couldn't or wouldn't keep one if they did). Even worse, those sons of bitches have posted a notice against anyone trespassing. What the Hell is going on when a man who has made something of himself and works hard has fewer rights than some limpdick layabouts?

What the heck. How about another depravity story from the old country? A teenager tracks down his long lost dad. Finds him. Starts sleeping with his new stepmom. They break up because the situation is causing problems within the family. Then she starts seeing her stepson's best friend. Then I saw the picture of her. And thought "Really?". I guess if you find an English girl with good teeth, you hang onto her.

But can't really say that level of crass behavior is in vogue only in England. After all, it was in Phoenix that a wife of a local supervisor was arrested for having sex with a 14 year old boy. Then her adult daughter was arrested for having sex with that same boy, except he was 13 when she went after the young stuff. And in case you just assume that behavior is something yokels out in the sticks do, a professor at Columbia has been charged with incest. They keep saying with a "young relative" (heard it was his daughter), but then it says the relative was over 18 when it all started. Which makes me confused. If she was above the age of consent, how can she be a victim? Why isn't she being charged also? I smell sexism in the judicial system.

Here's a story on how far the regulatory nuts have gone in this country. The Easy-Bake Oven is going to have to change because their heating element was a 100 watt incandescent light bulb. Which have been banned beginning in 2012. Oh, they'll add some other heating element but how easy will that be to change? Besides, what the Hell business is it of the federal government whether or not I use a regular incandescent light bulb or one of those silly fluorescent (and toxic) light bulbs? I pay for my electricity. If I decide that I have to sit under enough fluorescent lights at work and want the better looking incandescent light source at home, that's my damned business. Rot in hell with your mercury filled lamps you regulatory bastards.

I have finally found an excuse to use when I get drunk and smash up my hotel room. I'll say I got a phone call and to save the midget locked in the next room while destroying the secret surveillance cameras. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I don't really care much for Michael Moore. Something about him being a low life hypocritical hack just rubs me the wrong way. What's the latest thing that makes me roll my eyes? He's bitching about rich people having money. He wants to take it. Let's start with the most laughably absurd part of his interview. The use of the word "they". As if he doesn't belong in that category. You see that money grubbing bastard already made almost $20 million off Fahrenheit 9/11, but he's now suing the Weinstein brothers for another $2.7 million. My favorite line is from Moore's attorney that an audit found "the Weinsteins had re-routed at least $2.7 million dollars that belonged to Michael Moore." See, in the interview, populist Moore says rich people's money is "not theirs.....that's ours." But in court, plaintiff Moore says those millions belong to him. Personally, I believe that if you're owed the money, you have every right to get it. The difference is that I've never railed against rich people and capitalism like this dumbass has. Oh, and the way to get that money for Moore is to do it through the tax system. Tax the rich and get their money. Which is coming from a guy who championed (and got paid) a big tax credit for making movies in Michigan. It's almost like Moore insists on things that he doesn't let happen to himself.

Earlier in this posting, I mentioned depravity in America versus Europe (leaving out the goat humping in the Middle East). Let's go head to head. In Oakland, a teacher was suspended when several second graders in her classroom just took off their clothes. Oh, and then later two of the students had oral sex with each other. Now, that seems..............well, bad. It's even worse because the teacher was there for both incidents. Which really begs the question why was she just suspended and not arrested? Granted, it's the bay area, but I was once in the second grade. I really don't remember students leading a big strip off in the classroom. But in Spain, a 10 year old girl just gave birth. Which makes sense that it wasn't a 10 year old boy. What makes this rather sad is that the girls mother said that "10 years old is not considered young in Romania." I hate to point out to her that 10 years old should be considered young for sex.............well, anywhere. Why do I see all the sex tourists changing from Thailand to Romania?

I missed this story during the football season. Mainly because it involves Duke football and I'm not sure that really exists. Apparently Duke had a "Tailgate" event set up for students. They canceled it when a teenager was found passed out drunk in a portable crapper. Personally, I laughed out loud when I read that. Come on. Does Duke's administration think removing a sanctioned event will lead to less drinking? I think the event went rather well. At least they didn't turn the port-a-can over while the person was passed out in it.

It's been a good day. First I found an excuse for trashing a hotel room. Now I have one in case I get caught trying to rub one off in front of a teenage cheerleader on a plane. I spilled tabasco sauce on my junk causing it to itch. Not sure what excuse to use for the lecherous looks and drooling but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

The Grammy stuff and other things

I don't watch the Grammy Awards. Or pretty much any award show. It would get in the way of surfing dirty web sites and picking lint from my belly button. That and I find them very boring. But as a news junkie, I still see what goes on. Namely people whining about who wins what and why. This year the first big catastrophe I heard about was some jazz singer who plays a standup bass (maybe they thought she was Sting) beating out Justin Bieber and his ridiculous hair for best new artist. The next was Eminem being the heavy favorite for Album of the Year and losing to some band I've never heard of. First off, I can't figure the nomination process. I know Bieber was around two years ago and apparently the jazz singer has recorded since 2006. Yet, both were nominated for Best New Artist. But what do people really expect to happen? The voters for the Grammys are member of the National Academy of something or other. Most of them are music execs and technical staff. Justin Bieber lost because the Academy isn't made up of 14 year old girls (whether that is a plus is up to the individual reader). Now, to be fair, I did look up a Bieber video to find out what exactly his music style is. Found out it was crap and his bowling form isn't that good. So, a lot of adult industry execs like jazz over generic teeny bopper pablum? Like OMG!!! Who couldn't see that coming?

It's the same with Eminem. Just because record company people are willing to make money off of his crap doesn't mean they actually like to listen to it any more than I do. Just because a bunch of wannabe tough guys think he's "dangerous" doesn't really make his product that good. And who really thinks he's that dangerous. Of all the 'gangsta' rappers out there, he's the least threatening. Think about it. He's been caught carrying a gun twice. Unloaded. And that was during a "feud" with the Insane Clown Posse? Ah, those Eminem feuds. I guess Everlast may have the top of the heap considering his others were with his mother, his wife and Mariah Carey. I guess that's close to the Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG feud. Eminem can't even get a good street drug addiction. Crack? Heroin? Meth? Nope. Prescription drugs. The drug of choice for middle aged mountain women. If that ain't gangsta, I don't know what is. Unless you count the commercials he was in during the Super Bowl. Brisk tea? Ooooh. And Chrysler? All the big pimps are cruising in the Sebring. Oh wait. They did away with the Sebring. And replaced it with the Chrysler 200. Which was the car Eminem was advertising. But also the city of Detroit because nothing says quality like the city of Detroit. Great line from the commercial where Detroit is referred to as "a town that has been to Hell and back." Uhm, yeah. It never made it back. Actually, Eminem and Detroit deserve each other.

Awesome hooker story. Woman travels from Michigan to Louisville to give naked massages for $250 a pop. When the vice cops ask her if she'll do anal (I guess asking for a BJ or just regular sex was too inappropriate), she said sure. For an extra $50. So, a massage is worth five times as much as buttsex? Her kiester is the Walmart of her retail enterprise.

John Stossel once did an interview with the chief of the New York teachers union, and she actually believed (or was lying, but what's the difference) that private sector employees routinely only work "six hour, 40 minute" days. Yeah, if you work fast food or retail and have a maximum limit on hours worked so you don't lose your welfare check. I thought of that when I saw all the fun in Wisconsin as the public employee unions threw a massive hissy fit as the new governor of Wisconsin pushed a bill to restrict the items that can be collectively bargained which would make it easier to make the state employees actually pay some of their health insurance premiums and contribute to their retirement. You know, like just about every private sector employee in the country does. But no, the teachers all called in sick and held a massive rally to demonize opposition (so much for the new civility) and generally make asses of themselves.

Now, I have nothing against teachers in general, but I hate to tell them that they aren't all that special. There are a lot of good teachers out there, just like there are a lot of good employees in every industry. There is also a lot of garbage pretending to teach. I went to college with a lot of people who majored in education who freely admitted they wanted to be a teacher to have summers off. But I don't know why good teachers put up with it. Unions mean that they won't be paid commiserate of their abilities. A high school physics teacher could easily be making less than a second grade teacher who has a few more years under her belt. One is teaching almost at a college level. The other spends half her time getting her charges not to wet themselves. Yeah. They should be paid the same. I'm not even convinced an elementary school teacher requires a four year degree. They could be taught all they need at a two year technical school. Personally, I don't believe any public employees should be allowed to unionize since they are negotiating with a monopoly who pays them with someone else's money. Very corrupting to see a group donate to the campaigns of people who vote on how much money they can make. But I think the teachers and other unions are going to find out they are overreaching badly. They may get a big crowd (easy to do when you bus them in) and make a lot of noise, but I guarantee you that voters who haven't received a raise in two years and fear losing their job entirely probably don't have much sympathy for people doing better than the average while working a lot fewer hours. Oh, and making those voters scramble to find babysitters because you couldn't wait until the weekend to hold your rallies isn't going to help either.

But I think my favorite part of the whole thing was the accusation that the Wisconsin governor was acting like a "dictator". And that somehow the process is undemocratic. Yeah, okay. That's very laughable. Democratic senators have fled to Illinois so they won't have to vote on it because they know they'll lose. Scott Walker was elected (you know, as part of the Democratic process) governor on this platform. Republicans also took control of both houses in the same election. Somehow, blocking a vote is democracy and following through with your vote isn't. I think there is a large group of people unclear of that concept. Besides, if this measure is so bad and unpopular, Democrats should want the Republicans to vote on it. Won't they end up being voted out of office over it if it's that bad? Yeah. Democrats and union leaders know I'm right. The support is for the bill, not against. And no amount of screaming and vote blocking is going to change that.

But as long as we're talking about teachers, I don't think I've done a teacher-bangs-student story for awhile. This one is nice because the teacher was doing five different students, mostly football players. Very supportive of the team. And it appears to be working. I looked them up and they kind of stink, but they more than doubled their win total from 2009 to 2010. Incentive based athletics if you ask me. Then there was this story that on the surface seemed a relatively common story of these situations although getting caught by the cops while flopping naked on top of a 16 year old boy in the backseat of her car was a little more titillating (ha, I said tit) than most. But that's not what makes this one special. It's the fact that as part of her job, she counseled other teacher. On how to avoid banging students. I guess she was doing some really in depth research into the subject. Or was just a whore.

Tom Brady won the NFL MVP this year. He had a good season. Probably deserved the award. But he's done. Can't call him an elite player anymore. And not just because he's looked like crap in his last three playoff appearances. But mostly because he's now the face of Uggs boots for men. I wasn't aware that they had a men's version of their ugly boots. But I have to guess they are as performance deflating as they are soul destroying.

If you want to know what public unions lead to, look no further than the Cranston police department. A police officer gets fired and thinks he should have get his job back. Why was he fired? He and his partner were having sex with some bimbo while on duty. In uniform. In a threesome. I do like the line from his supervisor about how the officer didn't seem to be doing much work - "I don't know what he was doing out there." Well, he must not have been listening to the testimony in court, because I now know what he was doing out there.

A woman in Idaho pretended to be a plastic surgeon and performed breast exams on a couple of other women. At a bar. Real geniuses there. Most doctors don't make house calls and you think they'll do some doctoring at a bar? And the name Berlyn Aussieahshowna doesn't sound made at all. I don't know why I never thought to try this. Oh wait, I did. The women just didn't buy my act. Probably the heavy breathing and drool running down my mouth. Oh, and the fact I wasn't wearing any pants.