BCS Bowls

Rose Bowl (Jan 1): Penn State vs. Southern Cal - This is called the Granddaddy of them all or some such stuff. I think it’s a load of crap, because it was the last major bowl to agree to the BCS system because they were so wedded to the Big Ten/PAC 10 matchup. Well, look at the list of Rose Bowls. I watch a lot of college football. The two best Rose Bowls I ever saw were Texas over Southern Cal and Michigan in back to back seasons. You might notice that Texas is not in those two conferences. The last Rose Bowl that included PAC 10 versus Big Ten and was worth watching was the 1998 Michigan win over Washington State. So, not having that matchup was helpful to the Rose Bowl, but we’re back to the PAC 10 versus Big Ten. Now a lot of people are expecting Southern Cal to beat down Penn State because the Big 10 has been absolutely hammered by opponents in recent BCS bowl games. However, there’s a couple of things that make it could be closer. Penn State’s offense was just as good as USC’s, and I don’t think PAC 10 defenses are a lot better than Big 10 ones. However, people think USC’s offense is disappointing so it’s not saying much to say Penn State is as good. Penn State squashed Oregon State who beat Southern Cal. However that was a road game for Southern Cal and home for Penn State. Plus, Southern Cal destroyed Ohio State who Penn State barely beat. Still, it does show that this really could be an even matchup. The X-factor could be Joe Paterno. Sure, he’s past his prime, but he’s still got one of the best bowl game winning percentages (23-10-1). Even lately, he’s still 9-2 since joining the Big 10 in 1993. Still, I think playing Southern Cal in the Rose Bowl is too much. Penn State’s offense isn’t really better than the Trojans. And I don’t think their defense is near as good. Southern Cal probably has the best defense in the country this year. So, I think Big 10 struggles in BCS games will continue.

Orange Bowl (Jan 1): Cincinnati vs. Virginia Tech - Cincinnati just does whatever it takes to win. Sure, I could pick them to win because Louisville plays in the Big East. However, the Big East has won their last three BCS games (one of which I attended). I can’t remember the last BCS game the ACC won. So, while I wouldn’t necessarily take Cincinnati over most of the other BCS teams, I’ll take them over Virginia Tech any day. I think they got lucky to catch Georgia Tech early because Georgia Tech is better now than Virginia Tech. Virginia Tech still has the solid defense, but Cincinnati does just fine on that side of the ball. I really don’t see any Tech offensive player that I find that frightening. I know Cincinnati has a couple of really good receivers in Marshwan Gilyard and Dominick Goodman. Sure, Tech has a better running game, but I think that is more likely to keep the game close. Unfortunately for them, Cincinnati has a habit of winning close games. Plus, I didn’t care too much for the ACC this year.

Sugar Bowl (Jan 1): Alabama vs. Utah - Ah, the BCS buster against the old school SEC team. For the second time, Utah has finished undefeated and given a chance to play in a BCS bowl. They won the last time but it was against Pitt at the time the Big East was reorganizing. However, Boise State also won their BCS trip two years ago. Of course, Hawaii got thumped last year in the Sugar Bowl. However, that Hawaii team was nowhere as good as this year’s Utah team. And there is a lot to like about Utah’s chances. I like their quarterback, Brian Johnson, a lot. If they can keep pressure off him, he can do some stuff. If they can’t, Utah is screwed because they don’t have much of a running game. Bama does have a good running game, but a weak quarterback. That could be a problem because their best offensive lineman just got suspended. And Utah is good against the run. So, if Utah can get some offensive scoring, they’ve got a shot. It’s not like Alabama has been a juggernaut. Yes, they won all their games until Florida, but they didn’t wow you too much. They thumped obviously overmatched teams and struggled against some mediocre ones. So, if they let Utah have an opening, it could be a problem for them. So, am I willing to pick Utah? No. I’ll go with Bama. I think their defense is just too strong. In fact, I think it Alabama does blow out Utah, it’ll be like their win over Georgia. Defense got them rolling with turnovers and good field position and Georgia just couldn’t catch up.

Fiesta Bowl (Jan 5): Texas vs. Ohio State - Did I mention how little respect I have for the Big Ten? The word I’m hearing is that Ohio State should have a good game because they’ve won their last four Fiesta Bowls. Well, one was in 1984. One was against a bad Notre Dame that had no business being there. One was a decent Kansas State team. One was a win over Miami aided by a BS pass interference call in overtime. Basically, those wins don’t mean anything to me. What I look at is the fact that the last two times Ohio State has faced a team with speed, they got thumped. Now, maybe this time will be different because the pressure of a national title game won’t be there. Ohio State did keep it close against Penn State, but the only other quality team they played was Southern Cal and they got thumped. Texas has only one loss. That was at the last minute to another one loss team on the road with a great play made. I think Texas has as much business being in the title game as Oklahoma. So, I certainly don’t think they’ll lose to Ohio State.

BCS Title Game (Jan 8): Florida vs. Oklahoma - This is an interesting game. I could see it being a great game with a close score. I could see it being a blowout by either team. It's the two best conferences matched up. I think the Big 12 is certainly better this year. Does that mean I think Oklahoma will win? Not necessarily. Against any other team in the SEC, sure. Florida? That's a tough call. I think Florida is a whole lot better than the rest of the SEC. I can't say that about Oklahoma and the Big 12. Since losing to Mississippi, Florida dominated until they got challenged by Alabama in the title game. But at the same time, Oklahoma has only had one team within 22 points since losing to Texas and that included an undefeated Texas Tech. I think Florida has a great defense, but I'm really impressed by Oklahoma's offense. They have scored over 61 points in six straight games. That's impressive. It's an interesting case. I don't think Oklahoma had to face such a defense in the Big 12, but I don't think there was an offense even remotely this good in the SEC. I have to go with the six straight 61 point games.

January Bowls (Non-BCS ones)

Outback Bowl (Jan 1): South Carolina vs. Iowa - Quite frankly, I don't like either team. Iowas is in the Big Ten which stinks. But South Carolina's best win was over Mississippi. They only beat Wofford by 10. In their last two games, they lost by a combined score of 87-20. Granted one lost was by 50 to Florida, but the other was Clemson by 17. As much as I don't like Iowa, I have to go with them because they had no loss by more than 5. They won five of their last six including Penn State's only loss. Their last game was a 55-0 win over Minnesota so they're on a hot streak. Plus, that win was the game where some married chick got a good rogering in a bathroom stall.

Capital One Bowl (Jan 1): Georgia vs. Michigan State - Georgia's defense was shockingly bad. Still they only had three losses and none were bad. Michigan State only had three losses, but two were by at least 31 points. They have no impressive win at all. And they're in that suck ass Big Ten so I'm taking Georgia.

Gator Bowl (Jan 1): Clemson vs. Nebraska - I have no idea about this one. There's nothing to really like about either one. Both had to win late games to get to the bowl game. None have a win of note. Probably going to be one of those games where the team happiest to be there wins. Clemson got back on track after firing their coach, so I'll take them.

Cotton Bowl (Jan 2): Texas Tech vs. Ole Miss - A one loss Big 12 school against a four loss SEC team. Hmmmm. I guess Ole Miss could win, but I doubt it. Sure they beat Florida this year, but they also lost to Wake Forest, South Carolina and Vanderbilt. Plus, Houston Nutt had a 2-5 bowl record at Arkansas. It's not like I expect him to suddenly rise up here. Texas Tech only loss came to Oklahoma, and they've won 5 of their last 6 bowl games. Besides, they're just friggin' better.

Liberty Bowl (Jan 2): East Carolina vs. Kentucky - Damn. I was hoping UK fans would get to freeze like I used to at the Liberty Bowl, but the temperature is supposed to get to 50 although that will probably be before game time. Still, in the 40s is better than 20 degrees and freezing rain. As for the game, East Carolina beat Virginia Tech and West Virginia and finished winning 6 of their last 7. UK didn't beat a single team to finish with a winning record. They still won't.

International Bowl (Jan 3): Connecticut vs. Buffalo - I'm sure everyone had this one marked on their calendars. Got to give Buffalo credit. I didn't think they'd beat Ball State. But they did. Still, Connecticut has a good defense and a strong rushing game which should be enough.

GMAC Bowl (Jan 6): Ball State vs. Tulsa -Went to this bowl game twice. Mobile is a pretty nice city. The bartender at Hooters was two days from having labor induced. That was weird. Ball State's coach took another job and won't coach in the bowl game. At this point, I don't know who will be. Therefore, I'm picking Tulsa.

Bowl Picks Through New Year's Eve

Independence Bowl (Dec 28): No. Illinois vs. Louisiana Tech -I liked this bowl so much better when Weedeater sponsored it because people called it the Weedwhacker Bowl. It's really odd to see this matchup because recently this game paired SEC versus Big 12 every year. Granted, it was the bottom of the barrel teams from those conferences, but this year, they couldn't fill it so the bowl gets a 6-6 MAC team facing a 7-5 WAC team. I'm picking No. Illinois based on fewer bad losses.

Papajohns.com Bowl (Dec 29): NC State vs. Rutgers - If I was basing Rutgers hot streak on the destruction of Louisville to end the season, I wouldn't pick them. But their hot streak did include some good teams and some serious beatdowns so I will pick them.

Speaking of Louisville, I need my favorite reminder of better times.


Alamo Bowl (Dec 29): Missouri vs. Northwestern - I think the Big 12 was a lot better than the Big Ten. Northwestern has a better defense, but I don't think their offense can keep up with the Missouri offense. Defense may win championships, but winning a midlevel bowl isn't a championship (nor do I necessarily ascribe to that notion) so take Missouri and their offense.

Humanitarian Bowl (Dec 30): Maryland vs. Nevada - Ah, the bowl game on the blue turf. How did a bowl game in Boise, Idaho ever get locked in with the ACC? I'm sure Maryland fans will be scarfing up tickets to go see this game. Possibly even 250 of them. The Terps were wildly inconsistent all season. I can't see traveling to Boise to suffer frostbite as a reward for a winning record is going to make them suddenly change that. Take Nevada.

Texas Bowl (Dec 30): Western Michigan vs. Rice - These teams score a lot. Both teams are 9-3. Rice is a definite home team, but I think Western Michigan has a better defense so they should get more stops.

Holiday Bowl (Dec 30): Oklahoma State vs. Oregon - Oregon lost to Boise State, USC and Cal (combined 5 regular season losses; four by Cal). Oklahoma State lost to Texas, Texas Tech and Oklahoma (1 regular season loss each). Five is higher than three so take Oklahoma State.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31): Houston vs. Air Force - Air Force already beat Houston once and they didn't seem to handle the option at all well. I don't think they've learned enough yet. Take Air Force again.

Sun Bowl (Dec 31): Pitt vs. Oregon St. - Oregon State was one loss from winning the PAC-10. Pitt was one loss from winning the Big East. The PAC-10 is probably better. But Oregon State can't stop the run. Pitt can run. Take Pitt.

Music City Bowl (Dec 31): Boston College vs. Vanderbilt - BC doesn't lose bowl games. Vandy usually doesn't go. BC finished first in their division. Vandy finished fourth in their's. BC beat several other ACC teams. Vandy lost to the only two they faced. Since one of those was 4-8 Duke, go with BC.

Insight Bowl (Dec 31): Kansas vs. Minnesota - Kansas finished the season beating Missouri. Minnesota finished by losing to Iowa 55-0 in a game that was only notable because of the couple arrested for having bathroom sex (see Dec 13 blog posting). No way I'd trust Minnesota right now.

Chick-Fil-A Bowl (Dec 31): LSU vs. Georgia Tech - Picking one ACC win over the SEC in a bowl game should be enough, but LSU looked like crap down the stretch. LSU is another team I have no trust in.

I should be thankful to Steve Kragthorpe. With an uncertain economic future, it's really nice that he's saving me money by not getting Louisville to a bowl game so I waste my money traveling to places like Miami to watch them play. So, I found the following video that says how much he is appreciated in the Ville. They really need to work on the audio, but I think the case is well made.

Christmas Movies & Other Things

The Chicago Tribune decided to compile a list of the 25 best Christmas movies ever. After reading it, their decision to declare bankruptcy makes a lot more sense. To begin with, the greatest Christmas movie ever, Die Hard, wasn't even included. The second best one, A Christmas Story, just made the cut at 25. What a load of crap. The stop motion Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer was near the bottom at #20. That movie had one of the funniest trivia points. It was narrated by folk singer Burl Ives whose last acting job was as the sheriff in softcore smut movie Two Moon Junction. Which a little smut could have improved Rudolph some. However, the worst decision was to declare Santa Claus: The Movie as the #1 film. Dudley Moore as a lazy elf. Whoooo. Maybe if they made him drunk the entire movie or included a naked Bo Derek in it, then it might have deserved a high billing.

The John McCain campaign was selling some electronics crap that they didn't need anymore (and based on their competency, may have never used). Included was a Blackberry that was still loaded with sensitive campaign info and sold to a reporter. Gee, with these type of stories out there, I don't know why I once said they were running a terrible campaign.

I think this could possibly be the greatest meal ever.

How did I miss this story? Nasty skank singer Amy Winehouse is getting a divorce from fellow junkie and husband who is now dating a German model. I don't know how this happened. How could he pick a model over a woman whose mere appearance makes me want to vomit?

And down in Texas, a bus driver is being accused of threatening some sixth graders with a knife over some cookie crumbs on a seat. Now, I don't have a real big problem with threatening schoolkids. I do it all the time. Surely, however, he could have taken out some sixth graders without a knife.

The title of the link had so much promise. A story about bikini clad teenagers taking pictures of themselves in the big industrial sinks at a KFC. I assumed the pictures would be included. They were. I wasn't impressed. And for the record, I'm not that concerned about the sanitary aspect of this. Those sinks are probably full of industrial cleaner. It's not like they're doing naked splits on the food preparation area.

Now if the two girls in this story were in trouble for taking pictures of themselves in bikinis in inappropriate places, that would have been so much better. Instead, the more attractive girls are engaging in some messed up stuff at an old folks home. Looking at what one admitted to (humping a resident, handjob on old people, fingerbanging one's butt), that girl has some serious kink going on inside her.

Maybe she needs to go to Norway where an old guy was caught yanking his crank while watching some 13 year olds in a pool. I really should look up what constitutes sexual harrassment in Norway because that's what he's charged with and I find it hard to believe that's on par with trying to ask out a subordinate co-worker. Now he did have a note from his doctor saying he had some issues down there. Maybe he should have claimed watching 13 year olds was an old home remedy for that problem. It is in Europe so he might get the socialized medical bureaucracy to send him 13 year olds.

It's not like he can go to Playboy for any consistency. Some website came up with a list of their favorite Playboy covers. It includes one with Barbra Streisand. Even in her prime, I wouldn't have bought a Playboy with Beakwoman on the cover on the off chance that she might actually be naked on the inside.

This is what is wrong with journalism today. The articles leave out pertinent information. In this case, China has arrested a woman who posted her homemade porno online which became very popular and must have been leading to the demise of Chinese morality. Big whoop. I just can't believe they didn't mention where you can download it so I can find out if it was worth all the fuss.

Painting a nude portrait of Sarah Palin doesn't seem that odd. Using your own daughter to model for the body seems a little creepy to me.

And finally, why can't American movie makers come up with plots like the Japanese for their sports movies? One movie in the works takes the old stereotype of an underachieving high school team that gets a female coach to lead them to victory. With a twist. This teacher takes over a volleyball team and promises to "let the puppies breath" if the team wins some tournament or something. I wish Brett had thought about finding a hot chick to flash us as motivation when we played in the bar league. It had to be better motivation than his homemade shirts.

Bowl Picks - Week 1

I'll definitely make my BCS bowl picks later. But since I'm behind, I'll break the rest into increments. This week's picks will be for the first week of bowl games (Dec 20-27). Winners in italics.

EagleBank Bowl (Dec 20): Wake Forest vs. Navy - This is actually a game I'd like to see. It's a rematch of a game Navy won earlier this year at Wake. Which makes it difficult to pick. Navy does not get blown out of bowls for the simple reason that they run the option which is a bitch for every other team to prepare for. However, I think having played earlier negates that advantage a bit. Not a bunch, but enough to reverse that outcome and give Wake the win.

New Mexico Bowl (Dec 20): Colorado St. vs. Fresno St. - Normally I would take Fresno St. under the category "when in doubt, take Pat Hill and Fresno St", but they lost their last regular season game 61-10. But that was to Boise State so take Pat Hill and Fresno St.

magicJack St. Petersburg Bowl (Dec 20): South Florida vs. Memphis - I can't believe a bowl is being sponsored by magicJack which is some internet phone service that has really bad commercials that I think might be a scam. Sadly, both these teams were so bad that they lost to Louisville. However, I would take South Florida over Memphis anywhere but definitely in a de facto home game.

Pioneer Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 20): BYU vs. Arizona - BYU seems to play in this bowl quite a bit. The past three years in fact. Why does the team with the heavily Mormon fan base keep going to Vegas? As for the game itself, I think Arizona is an underrated team. However, they don't beat good teams. They just stay close. BYU is a good team so Arizona will just stay close.

R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl (Dec 21): Troy vs. Southern Miss - I liked Troy after they had LSU on the ropes, but they still lost. And Southern Miss is a hot team right now with four straight beatdowns of pretty good teams. Well, except SMU. However, I'm taking Troy.

San Diego Credit Union Poinsetta Bowl (Dec 23): Boise State vs. TCU - This will be a good game. Boise will win because they deserved to be in a BCS game as much as Utah.

Sheraton Hawaii Bowl (Dec 24): Hawaii vs. Notre Dame - Hawaii is tough to beat at home for good teams in recent years. Notre Dame sucks.

Motor City Bowl (Dec 26): Florida Atlantic vs. Central Michigan - I love FAU coach Howard Schnellenberger, but they're playing in Detroit the day after Christmas against a bunch of guys who willingly agree to live in Michigan. I'm leaning towards Central Michigan.

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Dec 27): West Virginia vs. North Carolina - I think WVU's new coach isn't very good. Except in bowl games. Take the Brokeback Mountaineers.

Champs Sports Bowl (Dec 27): Wisconsin vs. Florida State - I don't like either team. I don't like either conference. I dislike Wisconsin more.

Emerald Bowl (Dec 27): Miami of Florida vs. California - Another game where I don't like either team. Cal is coming in with a couple of wins. Miami with a couple of losses. Miami has to travel cross country for this. Take Cal.

Finally, more new stories

Catch up time again. As much as I hate the end of the football season, it means I have more time to keep up with this since I won't be doing the semi-porn fantasy football newsletter. Speaking of football, I mentioned in a previous posting about a couple getting busted at a Buffalo Bills' game for having sex in the women's crapper. Well, two people had an even more comical story at the Minnesota/Iowa game last month. A man and woman were arrested for having sex in the handicapped stall. A few things make this story so much better. First, they were released into the custody of his girlfriend and her husband. I'm sure that made for a pleasant Thanksgiving - "I'd like to give thanks that my wife only banged one guy in a nasty bathroom." Second, pictures of the two got out. Along with the police report so that I can find out what I really wanted to know. What's the best position to have sex in a heavily trafficked men's room. According to them, it's doggy style. Which makes sense if you think about it. And how rude were those cops not to let them finish? Unless there was someone in a wheelchair who needed that stall. And third, the woman wouldn't stop talking about it. She says she was so drunk that she can't remember what happened. Then she decides to play victim by claiming that she must have been roofied because even though she was getting sloshed before the game, "everybody thinks something must have been put in my drink."

For fun, let's take a look at her statements. Everybody would include me so the statement about having her drink spiked is false. I don't think that for a second. To begin, her husband was the only person from the party at the game with her, and why would he do it? Doesn't make sense for anyone else to do it because they can't take advantage and play hide the salami. Also, her argument that she goes to church every Sunday don't mean anything to me. She should go. She probably has a lot to confess. Face it. She got sloshed and handed it out to the first guy who asked. I like how she says her husband blames himself for it for not going with her. Until I hear him say it, I'm not really going to believe it. Even then I'll probably only believe he's whipped. Why would he go? I've wandered into the women's room at a lot of places. They don't want men in there and will call security on you. I think he's figuring out he's married to a slut. Having sex with someone you've just met in a stadium concourse bathroom stall is not something "that just happens". And booze can only take part of the blame. It did let her inner sluttiness out, but I don't blame my bad behavior on booze (because it happens too often when I'm sober). Alcohol only loosens your inhibitions about saying or doing something you really want to say or do. If I was her husband, I'd seriously keep an eye on her and start asking how many nights does she drink so much that she can't remember what happened.

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has been arrested for trying to sell Barak Obama's vacant Senate seat (among other things). What? A Democratic politician from Chicago is corrupt? Who knew? I love the part how a lot of people are trying to spin that he's insane. Almost like they're trying to make people not connect him to another politcian from the Chicago Democratic political machine. Wonder who that could be? The idea that he's insane comes from the fact that he knew the feds were looking at him for other stuff and still talked about it over the phone which could be (and was) tapped. Being stupid is not the same as insane. And he figured he could get away with it because in Chicago, using your position for personal gain is almost expected. The real fun news is Blago is not resigning yet. And the Illinois legislature is making noise about impeaching him, but hasn't. Now the state Attorney General is asking the court system to declare him disabled and put out to pasture that way. Don't think that is exactly what the law is for. There's some quite good reasons for taking that tack. Well, not good. More like political. The most obvious is that she's from the same party and as corrupt as they all are, she doesn't want Blago naming names as payback for legislators voting for his impeachment especially since her dad is one of them proving Illinois politics may be more incestuous than Harlan County. Plus, her dad may be giving her a chance to make a name for herself. Also, by doing this, people may not ask why the feds were onto this why a heavily connected politician from the state had no idea this was happening.

The best part of the whole Blago thing isn't Obama taking a hit even if he's parsing words about how much contact he had with Blago about the job. Someone on his staff knew about it, and maybe they weren't buying, but it doesn't look like anyone was dropping a dime on Blago either. I'm fully aware that connection will be ignored. However, some crap could just hit Jesse Jackson whose son has been identified as the candidate favored by one bidder.

Blago is a case of government not working correctly. The next story is about government working stupidly. Which means it's working as designed which means inexplicibly and inefficiently. A woman's home was threatened with a lien by a Massachusetts city because she owes 1 cent on some utility bill. I'd write them a check which their bank won't cash because it costs more to process than 1 cent. Of course, it costs more to mail the bill than 1 cent. Yet, the brilliant City Collector defended this by saying they couldn't have staff members look through the computer generated letters for such ridiculously low amounts and that the bill "must be paid". What a genius. As I just pointed out, it'll cost more to process than they'll collect. Bitch should be fired if she's that stupid. Here's a thought. Set your computers to send letters only to people who owe amounts higher than the price of a stamp. Also set the computer to automatically write off any balance less than that. Use some common sense. It's a friggin' penny.

Granted, that town is just wasting a pittance to collect an even smaller pittance. San Francisco is willing to spend up to $50 million on a look-good-but-ultimately-pointless project for the Golden Gate Bridge. Since the city doesn't like the fact that people like to commit suicide by jumping from the bridge, they want to spend those millions to put in nets. I'm not for suicide and I'm sorry that one guy's daughter killed herself, but saying she would have lived if they had these nets is ludicrous. I actually saw this report on a TV news report first and one expert said having the bridge as a known suicide spot was actually good because they had a better chance to catch people attempting it and get them treatment. If people can't jump from the bridge, they'll still try to kill themselves, but just somewhere else. I have another issue. The nets are only 20 feet under the bridge which isn't much when you are jumping from about 245 feet. People who hit the nets will probably just jump from them. And since people who survive the jump usually still die from hypothermia or drowning, that 20 feet doesn't mean anything.

But enough about politics and suicide. Let's talk about Christmas. A Walmart employee died after being trampled by Black Friday shoppers. I'm sure Phil and some other anti-Walmart people believe he got what he deserved for working for such an evil company, but I blame the retarded people. I would be embarrasssed to say I was so excited to be at a Walmart sale taht I helped kill someone. Killing should be reserved for good reasons. Like hookers who laugh at........well, nevermind. Exactly what could Walmart be selling that makes you want to bum rush the store? I slept in on Black Friday because I hate shopping. I hate people. Well, most people and especially if they are in crowds. I also hate getting up early. So, Black Friday is a good day to wait for the afternoon college football games. Those from Toys may remember I always closed on Black Friday. If I showed up at all.

However, groups of people I like to think of as asses come out at Christmas to whine about the stupidest things. Some limpdicks wrote a letter asking toy companies not to market toys to their kids. The reason is kids see toys and want them. Apparently there parents are too pussy to say no. My parents told me "no" all the friggin time. Get a backbone. Here's a present you can give your kids. Learning to handle disappointment. Give them a Rolling Stones' album so they learn that You Can't Always Get What You Want. Not only will it give them a life lesson, but they'll actually learn what real rock music is compared to most of the crap on the radio today. Besides, people at toy companies have to make a living too. How about some basic economics for you? If the toy companies don't sell toys, they lose money and get rid of people. Yeah, I'm sure someone who works for one will definitely cut their own throat because some wusses can't fight the temptation to buy their children's love with expensive toys.

In another present buying story, this one from Englad lets us know that you shouldn't buy the Scrabble game for the Nintendo DS system because the computer will use dirty words. Well, you can buy it if you're smart enough to set it to junior level which doesn't allow dirty words. That eliminates stupid people like the woman who is bitching in the article. However, looking at the picture included with the article, I think there is a bigger issue. Why did she buy her son a pink DS system?

But that's England for you. This is also the place where a court forced the government to pay a lot of money to a bunch of junkies as compensation because they weren't given heroin in prison. Apparently people who use illegal drugs have a human right of being given said drugs. Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? I have two solutions for this. One is to fire (or impeach since I'm not up on British courts) the judges. Another is to give them overdose level of drugs. Junkie dead saves the taxpayer money. Win-win as far as I can tell.

Axl Rose is mad at Dr. Pepper for doing a promotion tied to his album. Basically, they offered a free Dr. Pepper if Guns 'N Roses actually released Chinese Democracy this year. They did. Rose thinks he's owed an apology. I can't figure out why. If anyone should apologize, it should be Rose. I've heard a song off the album and it sucks. He destroyed a great band so he could take years to put out overwrought crap like that.

Speaking of sucking, Rosie O'Donnell tried to revive variety shows. She failed. Miserably. Let's see. Obsolete genre. Bitter, unattractive host who wasn't even funny when she did standup. With an ax to grind. How could that fail?

I need a shower after mentioning Rosie O'Donnell, but lets move to some sex stories. Some San Antonio cops are in trouble because someone took pictures of some slutty tramps cavorting around some bicycle cops. One of them has an attorney who says drunk women taking pictures around them happen. Well, I looked at the slideshow and the cops seem more than innocent bystanders. However, three things really stick out. One, why did they edit out faces? It's on a public street. Expectations of privacy are gone. Two, why did they edit out nudity? This is news, people. We need everything to make judgments on the merits of any punishments. Three, a couple of those women (even with edited faces) don't look good enough to risk your job over.

I'm not sure who Nicola Mclean is. I don't really care. All I know is she has a big rack and wants to talk about them and more importantly, show them. She gave some good information too. Apparently, if you have breast implants, they stay cold. As a gallant gentleman, I offer my services to rub them until they are warm again. I think the most disturbing aspect of the story is that she offered Martina Navritilova the opportunity to feel them and was turned down. What kind of lesbian is that? Or it might be the fact that this article was coded by The Sun as a woman's health article.

Catching Up On Risque Stories

As mentioned in the last posting, I haven't had time to update this so I have a long list of news stories that I haven't had a chance to get to. I'll start with the dirty ones.

I liked the result of this story because it establishes the legal precedent that staring at a woman's knockers doesn't constitute sexual harrassment. Not that I have to worry about such things as I would never engage in such unprofessional behavior. Unless she was stacked. Actually, I don't believe either of them. I don't believe the man stared because he had a medical condition that led to a wandering eye. However, I also don't believe her when she said it was so bad that she had to go change clothes during the day. If you knew he was going to stare and were that uncomfortable about it, don't wear something that lets you boobage hang out.

Now here's another story involving a lawsuit. A Canadian stripper is suing for age discrimination because she was let go when the club she was working at decided to go younger. Sorry. When it comes to a profession where appearance is so important, looking old can be a hindrance. So, it's not really age discrimination. It's looking aged. Sure, when a woman is rubbing her butt up against your crotch, you may not be looking for crow's feet around her eyes, but if you do see it, you may not go back. Unless that's what you're into.

With their scat porn, you would think Germany would have most of the European sexual dysfunction. Nope. France has prude nudists. I usually stay clear of nudist stories because most nudists are people I would prefer to see in clothes, but sometimes they are funny. A nudist hangout has had a rash of fires at swinger clubs, and it's being blamed on nudists who are offended by the swingers' behavior. I guess it's a difference of opinion on whether it's better to dangle it or pass it around.

At a Bills game a few weeks ago, a couple got busted for having sex in the women's restroom. I like how they termed it "inappropriate". My defense would be that there's been a lot of inappropriate behavior on the field by Buffalo the past few years. Actually, I've been to a lot of football games and that's not near as inappropriate as some behavior I've been exposed to. Someone took a massive dump at one of the Commonwealth Stadium bathrooms while I was there for a game, and the ventilation was bad. I thought I was going to die. In fact, when I ran into Joker Phillips at McCarthy's on St. Patrick's Day, I lodged a complaint with him about that. Tried to pass it off as not being his responsibility. Loser.

Disgraced former governor of New York, Dave ........I mean Eliot Spitzer, won't be charged for being a "john" to a overpriced whore. I like how the excuse not to charge him is that he didn't use public or campaign funds. Sorry, the Mann Act makes it illegal to take women across state lines for whoring. The federal government has a long history of making examples of high profile criminals to deter others from engaging in that behavior. Why does Spitzer get a pass?

Some church dude in England had to go to the hospital with a potato stuck in his ass. Great excuse. Naked curtain hanging followed by falling on a potato. Please. You need a better excuse than that. Just claim you lost a bar bet. Or you were hiding it because you thought the Irish were coming to steal your potatoes.

Also in England, a town councillor is resigning because she gets no respect from her fellow councillors due to the fact that she's also a stripper. Why is always the strippers that we must attack? Actually, looking at her picture, I'm sure she could quit. I don't think she's making that much money from it.

ARod's ex is pissed that he's dumping the children in order to spend Thanksgiving with Madonna. I'm not going to question his parenting because his kids are better off without him with that kind of judgment, but come on. Madonna has become gross. Screwing the turkey would probably be more fun.

And let's end with some school related stories. Beginning with a bus driver who offered some cheerleaders $40 to lift their shirts. How dumb was he? Don't proposition them en masse. Ask around and find out which ones are going to be willing to do it. Don't ask them in front of their more prudish friends. And make sure they're 18 so you don't have legal hassles. There are certain methods to being a pervert.

See, this guy is in trouble because he latched onto a 17 year old. He's a teacher who was messing around with a runaway who happened to be found in his closet. He told the police he didn't know where she was. He could be telling the truth. I don't know how those teenage girls ended up in my closet. Or who tied them up.

And finally, a former porn actress was found to be working as a teacher's aide at an elementary school. Some people think she should be fired because they want role models as employees, but since it wasn't illegal, the school board is worried about a lawsuit. Since it's an elementary school, I doubt she's going to try to enlist the students into the business. Plus, if elementary students know what she did previously, you got bigger issues. Now, what I found really funny about the story is that she pointed out that "our president-elect has admitted to doing crack". Even if she wasn't making a valid point, it would still be funny because of the way the reporter handled it. She felt it was important to point out that Barak Obama's admission was for cocaine, not specifically crack. Because admitting to using blow is no big deal, but that crack stuff would be a real problem.

Pittsburgh Trip

As mentioned before, I recently took a trip to Pittsburgh to watch Louisville play Pitt and the Steelers against the Colts. All the traveling has made it tough for me to keep up with the blog. Even though both teams lost, only one of them pissed me off. At least the Steelers played a good game. Louisville didn't do squat. Kind of reminds of the entire Louisville season. Still, the trip was fun. Pittsburgh is an interesting city, especially if you like hills and traffic problems. You know you have hills when your trolley runs up and down. Half the buildings are built on hillsides and seem to be about to fall off. I realize that a city its age with so many hills would have traffic problems, but I've never seen a place like this. If they had traffic engineers, those guys were on crack. Intersections were rarely perpendicular. They'd go off in odd directions. Streets would be one way until they became one way going the other way. Sometimes it'd be one way with a side lane going the other way, but only for buses. Or you'd be on a four lane interstate that had four exits at one time, but since another interstate is feeding into it, you have everyone in a Chinese fire drill trying to get into the proper lane. Even better were three way intersections that I ran into on side streets. The main road had the two stops signs. Alleys turning onto that road didn't. So, you have to stop if you're driving straight, but people making hard right turns got to go whenever they wanted. Interesting concept.

Now, in one way, the traffic patterns were fine. I got out of the stadium really easy for both games. Even with a full house for the Steelers, I was on the highway out of town 10 minutes after getting to my car. I did ask the guy next to me if it'd be a problem. He said I'd be fine since I was on the other side of the river. He said Steelers were good about knowing where to go after the game. The only problem being they're all drunk. That was the good part about where the stadium was. It was right on the river so you park on the other side and walk across a foot bridge to it. Except the bridge moved while people were on it. A lot. Now, there was a problem with the stadium being right on the river. It didn't matter how cold it was. The wind off the river made it colder. The air temperature wasn't that cold at either game. However, when the wind starts cutting through you, it becomes a bit uncomfortable. When you're losing, it really sucks.

The Louisville game was notable for one reason. Not that they quit when faced with a little adversity. I've seen that quite a bit this season. I was in one of the end zone sections and wanted to get a picture of UL's offense in scoring position. I had to settle for the one at the right because they only got into scoring position once. At the other end of the field. No, what got me was the most unnerving thing I've ever seen at a college football game. Keep in mind I have been to a game in Morgantown WV, but what Pitt fans did defied all logic and reason. Between the third and fourth quarter, their entire fanbase stood up and sang along to Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline". They even had the words on the jumbotron. I'm still not sure why they began doing it this year. Diamond isn't from Pittsburgh. The song has nothing to do with Pittsburgh or football. Still, they're going to their first bowl game in years. Maybe they're onto something. Maybe "Kentucky Woman" can be sung at UL games. Sure, some hardcore UK fans might object, but they can use "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" as long as they think it's about their sister.

The Steeler game was a lot better. They did lose in the end because their quarterback didn't want to protect the ball. But the atmosphere was much better. Granted, the fact that I was rooting for the home team in this one certainly made a difference. The Louisville section wasn't too happy for most of that game. Scoring seven points will do that. Steelers' fans were happy most of their game. Probably has to do with leading most of it. And the fact that most were drunk. The fans were pumped up though especially when the defense was on the field. They were loud and the towels were waving. Yet, they had an odd musical tradition too. They had a montage of defensive hits with the Styx song "Renegade" playing behind it. They went apeshit for it. Now, that's not a bad song. It's the only good Styx song (and no I did not forget "Mr Roboto) which means it came from Tommy Shaw. Still, just seems something wrong with using Styx to pump up the crowd.

But it wasn't all a pleasure trip. I also saw some educational sights. Like the Hooters in Huntington. Just kidding. No way do I stop in West Virginia. But I did go visit Fort Pitt which was right next to the stadium and was open on Sunday so I could tour it before the Steelers game. Fort Pitt was a military installation established by the French (then called Fort Duquesne) to protect the fur trade until the British captured it from the dirty Frenchman and renamed it. It had a nice demonstration on the fur trade and then I got to explain to a Belgian woman what all the people dressed in black and gold were there for. On the way back, I also stopped at Fort Necessity which was built byGeorge Washington while serving in the British army on an expedition that helped start the French and Indian War after his men shot a bunch of dirty Frenchmen. The fort has been rebuilt which was obviously needed after you look at it. My boy scout troop could have built something like this so it wasn't going to last over 250 years. It was rebuilt in a field that you had to walk from the visitor's center through a forest to get to. I was about a half mile from my car taking a picture from the far side of it when I realized I was wearing a light pullover, no hat or gloves and it was snowing. You begin to realize why most historical sightseeing is done in the summer.

Veterans' Day

I used this for Memorial Day where it does fit better, but as the son, grandson, brother and nephew of veterans, I think it's also important to remember the service men and women who made it back. Their sacrifice should not be forgotten either. Plus, I really like it so I'm using it again.

Finally A News Update

I haven't had a chance to update. Time always gets short during football season. Hell next weekend I'm going to Pittsburgh to pull a double. Seeing Louisville versus Pitt on Saturday. Steelers and Colts on Sunday. Should be a fun trip even if I have to drive through West Virginia.

Just a reminder about next week. If you're voting for the wrong candidate, election day is Wednesday. If you're voting for the right one, it's on Tuesday. I get to open my precinct at 5:30am and spend all day there. Today's polls have shown the race has tightened up again (which could change tomorrow). That's not good for Obama because John McCain is running a terrible race. As I mentioned last week, it would be easy to pin the subprime problems on the Democratic party since their Congressional leadership was pushing affordable housing through Fannie Mae. McCain actually warned three years ago about the problem, while his opponent went another route. He was the second leading recipient of donations from Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac which is actually pretty impressive because that was since 1989 and he's only been in the Senate since he's only been there since 2005.

Another reason it's surprising it's close is that Obama is spending more money in two week periods than McCain can spend the entire general election. The question was who was all this money coming from and The Washington Post (shockingly to me) actually pointed out that the Obama campaign finance team has removed safeguards (like name matching or not allowing prepaid credit cards) from their internet donation system which might keep people who can't donate (maxed out donors, foreigners, etc) from continuing to pour cash into the campaign. It looks 2/3 of his money could be coming through the internet. Now, obviously that isn't all fraudulent, but if the $174K attributed to one woman who actually gave nothing is an indication, there is a lot of illegal cash in there. Now, I wonder if anyone, say back in the summer, mentioned that credit card donations under $200 via the internet were an opening to such financial fraud.

It's nice to see that UK is punishing a student for hanging an effigy of Obama. Just because effigies of candidates from both sides are being hung around the country without those people being arrested is no reason to think UK is exhibiting a double standard. Just because effigies have been a time honored political statement is no reason to think that this is a free speech issue because criticizing Barak Obama apparently doesn't fall under the First Amendment. Sometimes it might lead to government investigations against you if you question the Chosen One. Pardon me if I call BS on UK's reaction to this.

Well, enough about politics. Okay, one more story about politics, but a bipartisan one. The federal government is considering another bailout. This one of the ethanol industry. Why? They are hurt by volatile corn prices. Why are corn prices high? Government subsidies of ethanol has caused corn producers to sell more to ethanol producers which causes prices of corn to go up. Are friggin kidding me? A heavily subsidized industry is failing because of the subsidy so instead of killing the subsidy, the government is thinking of giving out more money? Again, are you friggin' kidding me?

Okay. These people are seriously messed up. A couple in New Mexico were picked up for child abuse. At first, it looked like a routine neglect story with the lack of any human amenities. Then it mentions that the house was full of caged rattlesnakes. If I had been the first responder, I would have gotten everyone out. Okay, I would have given them two minutes to get the Hell out. Then I would torched the place. God, I hate snakes.

Now, in Australia, a spider eats a bird. Let me repeat. A big ass spider catches a bird in its web and eats it. I admit that I have an irrational fear of snakes, but spiders generally don't bother me. As long as they aren't big enough to eat a bird. There would be a serious eradication effort in my back yard if I saw a spider eating a bird.

British women are whores. Which begs the question of why I'm here and not there. Oh yeah, it's in Europe. This is why I think Madonna fit in well in London, cheap British accent notwithstanding. Now, she's getting a divorce from Guy Ritchie who may get a buttload (atypical fiscal term) of money from her. Which I still think he deserves. After all, casting his untalented hag of a wife in a movie almost killed his career which is still on life support.

And Irish men are manwhores. Well, Bono might be. His picture with some bikini clad 19 year olds ended up on Facebook. Although looking at the picture, I have two thoughts. It doesn't look that bad. And he's a star. Couldn't he do better? That line from one of the girls had to be a kick in the balls - "For somebody who's much older than I am ........no thanks." Yeah, hanging out with a wealthy, famous man. What a drag. Hey honey, go back to taking facials from high school dropouts.

For an ad for a smell from Victoria's Secret, hottie Adriana Lima was wearing a $5 million bra. I could make the argument that it really isn't worth that because no one is stupid enough to actually pay that much for it. Or I could make the point that this is really a stupid promotion. But I admit I only linked to it because there is a picture of a hot chick in her underwear.

At a Swedish hockey game, the fans threw dildos on the ice to ridicule an opposing player. For one, I am appalled by this behavior. As mentioned in a previous posting, Sweden has state run pharmacies that sell sex toys. So, these fans were throwing state subsidized rubber wangs on the ice. If the state is going to provide low cost fake willies, they should expect it to be used properly.

A couple of dirty car stories. You know those rear view systems you can put on cars? Some guy in Canada had one and it would pick up porn on certain streets. And he's unhappy (sure he is). I notice the article doesn't mention which street it happens on. Probably doesn't want to be blamed for a traffic jam as a bunch of people with car cameras cruise the block. At least he knows proper behavior in public. Some guy in Michigan got busted for using a car wash vacuum as a sex toy. Here's a thought. Go to Walmart and buy a ShopVac.

Now, I find this story pretty damn sad. A woman is convicted for trying to pimp out her 17 year old daughter. She gets eighteen months. Think about it. Eighteen months for turning your teenage daughter into a whore. Yeah, thanks Mom. Would it have been more if her mom was peddling anal for her? Maybe she has another daughter who was 14 years old and ran off with some 28 year old guy. Probably not, but that's a great story about child raising. Your daughter is 14. She's hanging around a gambling website. She runs away with a guy twice her age she meets on the site. Maybe I need to start hanging around these sites......................I mean, this was appalling behavior on everyone's part.

You know, I read a lot of news, but the term "Fauxmosexuals" was a new one for me. At least until I saw a listing of the top 10 Fauxmosexuals. Apparently a lot of chick celebrities try to get attention by pretending to be lesbians because guys like it and it gets press. As a guy, I was offended by the notion until I remembered that I'd bought drinks for a girl after she made out with her female friend. And it's not like I watched the movie Bound for the plot. Still, I think the inclusion of Anne Heche made the article flawed. Not because she was faking her attraction to Ellen DeGeneres (I think anyone claiming attraction to Ellen is faking). I just don't think Heche is attractive herself so I think they could have found someone better. Now, there was something that was stunning in the part about Heche. It said Ellen was the only sorta-chick that she'd been with and all her other rolls in the hay were men. Including Lindsay Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac. Lindsay Buckingham was a dude?

John Daly is the man. The cops had to come pick his drunk ass up from a Hooters where he passed out at their bar. His popularity has always been based on him being just like the fans. I mean, who among us hasn't gotten so drunk at Hooters that an ambulance has to be called? I do like the fact that the article refers to him as a "recovering alcoholic". Might want to rethink using the term "recovering".

Fifteen pounds. That's how big the burger was some guy in Pennsylvania ate. After reading all the condiments on it, there's no way I could do that. I really don't like banana peppers. I wonder how far Clearfield is from Pittsburgh.

Bailout and Other Stuff

I guess $700 billion doesn't go as far as it used to. Congress passes a $700 billion bailout to stabilize the stock market. The stock market plummets. I wonder how that could happen. Oh, right. The government came up with a plan to fix a problem that began with government meddling in the economy. No reason for that to cause a confidence crisis. For years, the government has pushed the mortgage industry into approving non-credit worthy people for loans so they came up with subprime loans which worked as long as housing prices kept going up. What could go wrong with that? Well, mortgages get bundled into securities and sold or used as collateral. This do fine unless there is a high default rate (relative since we're only talking about 4% of loans defaulting). So, if housing prices fall, you get more defaults which leads to the securities becoming toxic. That means no one knows how many defaulted loans are in the securities so they lose all value and become "illiquid" (companies holding them can't do crap with them). Now, the government's idea isn't a straight up bailout (cash payment) or even a Chrysler/AIG bailout (loans to be repaid. The idea is that the government buys those securities at an auction (at a discounted rate most likely). That injects "liquidity" back into the credit markets. The government then pores over the securities to find what the "value" should be and sells them back to the market. Since they can buy them cheap, the idea that the government might make money off the deal isn't completely out of the realm of possibility (although I wouldn't bet on it). Simplistic explanation and probably not completely accurate (it's a complicated issue).

So, why isn't it working? Who knows. I didn't think it was a good idea. To begin with, there's philosophy. It isn't the government's responsibility to make sure you buy a house you can't afford. Nor is it to make sure everyone "wins". If you take the risks out of the system, it becomes stagnant. Also, Congress was trying to load all kinds of crap in it like allowing the government to take equity in the banks or investment firms if the securities couldn't be resold for a profit. Not to mention an assload of pork. Trust me, having the federal government (the people who make laws and regulations) owning stock in the people they make laws and regulations over could lead to conflicts of interest since they won't own stock in all of them. Another problem is whether or not you believe some minor government bureaucrat will do a better job valuing these securities over someone paid a lot to do it. I don't. But I also don't believe banks will suddenly stop loaning money if the bailout doesn't happen. They may start looking at credit scores (which they should have been doing all along), but banks don't make money if they don't loan money. Now, the biggest problem I had with it was seeing the same people who for years covered for the semi-government organizations (Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac) and pushed for bad loans were now the ones "leading the way" to fix the problem. Especially when one was buggering a Fannie Mae exec while covering for them.

That would be like the chairman of the Ways & Means Committee (they write tax laws) not knowing the tax laws governing himself. Oh, wait......... Although, maybe Charlie Rangel can help AIG pay back their government loans since he got $10 million from AIG for his little narcissistic vanity project, a "center for public service" named after him which should be closed due to fraud.

But Rangel is safe. He's in New York. That's the city where the thought of Sarah Palin has led to general insanity, freakouts, murderous psychosis and possibly yeast infections in city women. Yet, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (who is President of a country that kills women for adultery, gays for ......gayness, and in his dreams Jews for Jewishness) gets a warm welcome there.

Speaking of government stupidity, here's another example of why Johnny Can't Read. A fourth grader was suspended for two days for having a razor blade. Mainly the miniature razor blade that is part of a kiddie pencil sharpener. His pencil sharpener was broken so he used the little piece of metal to sharpen his pencil. The school called the police and then did the suspension. Great quote from someone with the district, "we're always going to do something to make sure the child understands the seriousness of having something that could potentially harm another student, but we're going to be reasonable." Reasonable? Are you completely retarded? Calling the cops and suspending a 10 year old for a little shard of metal is reasonable? A pencil is more dangerous than that piece of metal. Get out of the education field, moron, because you are too stupid to be any help at all.

How did I miss this?

Paul McCartney recently played a concert in Israel. It made news because they were banned from playing back in 1965. My assumption was a fear by the Israelis that they would have to listen to the inane lyrics of I Want To Hold Your Hand, but it may have been something else. Oh, it was also news because a Muslim wackjob threatened to have McCartney killed if he played the show (although I suspect it's out of anger that he didn't bring the rest of Wings with him).

In a related story, the Muslim wackjob has a daughter in London. She's a stripper. Probably not a very good one since she's also on the public dole.

Must be something in the water in London. Two Swedish sisters (yeah, that's why I clicked the link) kept running into traffic on a British highway. And laughably inept traffic cops couldn't seem to stop them. Don't they have tasers in England? If not for the damage they'd do to the cars' front end, I say let them have at it.

At least it'd be better than what this pervert was up to. He was arrested for having sex with a car. And in such a strange way. I would have assumed going for the tailpipe, but he seem enamored with the grill which may say something about what he was packing. They feel the need to point out he was drunk. You know, I've been drunk a few times myself. I don't remember trying to stick my wang into a some part of a car.

Some European Union women's rights committee with too much time on their hand wants to ban any advertising that might reinforce gender stereotypes. Does that mean they shouldn't use women in lipstick commercials because it might lead people to think women are the main buyers of lipstick? Some Swedish prude (my guess is she's the only ugly Swede) is making a big deal. My response? Get a life, bitch.

There are certain things that even I would never consider doing. I think stealing the puppy of a 10 year old with cancer is one of them. The fact that the thieves might have known he had cancer is probably a one way ticket to Hell.

Playboy is laying off staff due to not having any money. The article blames it on the "global economic turmoil". BS. You can find hardcore pornography on the internet. Do you really need to spend your money on a bunch of lame articles mixed in with airbrushed pictures? I read somewhere else (I'm too lazy to look it up) that most of the revenue for the company comes from merchandising rather than magazine. I'm sure they got something from Girls Next Door which probably won't do too well with all his women leaving. Well, I'm sure he can find some more girls with low self-esteem who are willing to suffer a drooling geriatric's egomania to trade their dignity for a chance at long lasting fame that isn't likely to happen.

A new trend seems to be women trying to sell their virginity for big bucks. I realize a legal age virgin is a rarity, but is it really worth that much money? The latest is an Italian model who wants to use the money for acting lessons. If she can convince someone that she's really a virgin but is willing to sell it, she doesn't need acting lessons. I like how her brother defends such a ridiculous story by saying his sister is a "devout Catholic". That's funny. I just assumed she was a whore.

NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE

Here are my predictions for which NFL teams will make the playoffs. Yes, I know the season is two weeks old. I would make the argument that the crapshoot aspect of the NFL means doing your picks before you have a chance to see how offseason changes are affecting the team is rather silly. But I just didn't get around to doing this until now. But there is some truth to that argument. Some teams (think New York Jets) have such a drastic makeover, you really can't gauge how the new parts will work together until you get a look at them. Plus, there could be an injury problem in the first half of the first game that could drastically alter the expectations of that team. Hypothetically, of course. Of course, making predictions like this at any time is silly. If I nail it, I'll gloat in a post about it. If I miss badly, I'll be posting about how much I hate Christmas shopping.

When I say crapshoot aspect of the NFL, I'm talking about the heavy turnover in playoff teams each season. Last year, half the playoff teams (6 of 12) were new. In the NBA, only four new teams made this year's playoff, and that's with 16 teams making their playoffs. So, I figure at least five playoff teams won't make it. A few are easy to toss out. I didn't think Washington was that good last year. Seattle and Jacksonville and Seattle are off to bad starts and have crushing injury problems that won't be solved anytime soon. Tennessee has some issues. But the biggest one of all (at least the biggest reach on my part) is the New York Giants. Yes, I'm predicting the Super Bowl Champs don't make the playoffs. Anyway, here's how I see the divisions breaking down.

NFC
East
Division Winner: Philadelphia - I think the Eagles and Cowboys are about even. However, I think Philly has an easier schedule. They're putting up points without their top receivers so they'll probably get better.
Also In: Dallas - Not far behind the Eagles so they'll make the playoffs. Then Jessica Simpson shows up (hopefully not trashed) and Tony Romo chokes.
Not In: New York Giants - Sure, they won the Super Bowl, but they were hot. They were also the last team in the playoffs, and now Michael Strahan has retired and Osi Somethingorother is out for the year. This team got hot due to pressure defense. That's gone now. Washington - I didn't think they'd make it last year. Clinton Portis will get hurt. The rest of the team is overrated compared to their salary.

North
Division winner: Green Bay - Will Aaron Rodgers look this good all year? Probably not. However, watching him play shows he'll still be good enough. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't Brett Favre and a supporting cast. It was a strong cast making Favre look good.
Also In: Chicago - This team looks a lot like their last Super Bowl team except at quarterback. Running game looks good with Matt Forte. Defense is healthy. Kyle Orton is actually an improvement over Rex Grossman because he's less likely to loss the game on his own.
Not In: Minnesota - Good defense. Great running back. No quarterback. No playoffs. Detroit - They suck.

South
Division winner and only team in: Carolina - They won their first two without Steve Smith. Good defense. Strong running game (even before rookie stud Jonathan Stewart). Jake Delhomme a quality quarterback because the league doesn't have many quality quarterbacks.
Not In: New Orleans - Great offense. Great fantasy team. Deuce McAllister is coming off a major injury. Reggie Bush isn't an every down back. Their defense still sucks. Lots of points scored. Lots of points given up. Tampa Bay - Got in last year because Delhomme was hurt and New Orleans blew it. Now they're benching Jeff Garcia for Brian Griese. Quick trip to the bottom. Atlanta - They suck. Too bad they can't play Detroit every week.

West
Division winner and only team in: Arizona - Kurt Warner, Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald. This team can put up points. The rest of the division sucks. Someone has to win it.
Not In: Seattle - Gotta go back something like 5 years since Seattle didn't win the division. Most years, no one else was worthy. When your leading receiver is a tight end I've never heard of and you're signing Billy McMullen and Keary Colbert as possible starters, you're in trouble. When you bring back serial drunk Koren Robinson, you're screwed. San Francisco - Good quarterback. Decent defense. No receivers. Quarterback absolutely sucks. St. Louis - May be the worst team in the league even though Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson and Torry Holt are proven offensive commodities. Defense is atrocious. Offensive line is horrible. May not win a game.

AFC
East
Division winner: Buffalo - The defense is decent. The quarterback is adequate. Lee Evans is good. Marshawn Lynch is really good. Tom Brady is out.
Also In: New England - Tough call without Brady but they have an easy schedule and already are 2-0. Matt Cassel isn't that good, and they won't hit 18 wins, but 9 should do it. That means they have to go .500 the rest of the way. With their defense and receivers carrying Cassel, that's doable.
Not In: New York Jets - I know they're the chic pick with Brett Favre, but I think the talent in Green Bay hid his age. I think Thomas Jones and Laveranues Coles are pretty good. The rest seem okay. That okay got them 4 wins last year. Favre isn't enough to get them more. Miami - Worst team in the league last year will be better especially if Chad Pennington stays healthy. Still won't get them near the playoffs.

North
Division winner and only team in: Pittsburgh - I'm biased, but realistic. Pittsburgh has as good a shot as anyone to go to the Super Bowl. The defense is good. Quarterback is a whiner, but he can play. Running game is strong. Good receivers. Very complete. My only concern is the offensive line isn't as strong as in the past.
Not In: Cleveland - This team is still pretty good, but they snuck up on people last year and still didn't make the playoffs. They aren't really better so they still won't make the playoffs. Baltimore - Good defense. That's about it. They'll ruin Joe Flacco who may not be that good to begin with. Cincinnati - This team is bad. Chad Johnson changing his name to Chad Ochocinco will be the high point. Defense doesn't have talent. Offense has talent, but talent that can't play as a team.

South
Division winner and only team in: Indianapolis - Not as good as before. Peyton Manning will have to work his way back. Their defense isn't all that great. Joseph Addai is good. Marvin Harrison is on his down slide, but the other receivers are talented. The reason they'll win is the other AFC South teams have bigger problems.
Not In: Houston - I like Houston. They could grab the last playoff spot from New England. Matt Schaub is pretty good. Andre Johnson is good. Their defense is good. Losing 38-17 to open the season makes me suspect. Jacksonville - This is a team off to a slow start due to injuries that will probably put them too far behind to make a playoff run. Their quarterback is good enough, but they've relied on their running game for their offense, but having most of your offensive linemen hurt kills that and they don't have the receivers to change styles. Tennessee - Another team with good defense that will be hamstrung by other "problems". Namely their franchise quarterback may be suicidal. I think Vince Young's other problems (he hasn't developed like he should have) is a bigger drawback, but I don't think Kerry Collins gets them to the playoffs.

West
Division winner: Denver - Jay Cutler is playing great. Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal are holding down the receiver position. Surprisingly, I don't think much of any of the Bronco running backs. I'm not real keen on their defense. Still, with their (possibly tainted) win over San Diego, they're in the driver's seat in the West.
Also in: San Diego - They're 0-2. They've lost Shawne Merriman's steroid enhanced physique. Norv Turner is still the coach. I still think they've got too much talent to miss the playoffs.
Not in: Oakland - Great running game. Defense has some big names, but they aren't living up to their salaries. Jamarcus Russell ain't going to get it done. Too much disfunction to be successful. Kansas City - They suck. Outside of Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzalez, I don't see too many guys who could start for better teams.