Finally, more new stories

Catch up time again. As much as I hate the end of the football season, it means I have more time to keep up with this since I won't be doing the semi-porn fantasy football newsletter. Speaking of football, I mentioned in a previous posting about a couple getting busted at a Buffalo Bills' game for having sex in the women's crapper. Well, two people had an even more comical story at the Minnesota/Iowa game last month. A man and woman were arrested for having sex in the handicapped stall. A few things make this story so much better. First, they were released into the custody of his girlfriend and her husband. I'm sure that made for a pleasant Thanksgiving - "I'd like to give thanks that my wife only banged one guy in a nasty bathroom." Second, pictures of the two got out. Along with the police report so that I can find out what I really wanted to know. What's the best position to have sex in a heavily trafficked men's room. According to them, it's doggy style. Which makes sense if you think about it. And how rude were those cops not to let them finish? Unless there was someone in a wheelchair who needed that stall. And third, the woman wouldn't stop talking about it. She says she was so drunk that she can't remember what happened. Then she decides to play victim by claiming that she must have been roofied because even though she was getting sloshed before the game, "everybody thinks something must have been put in my drink."

For fun, let's take a look at her statements. Everybody would include me so the statement about having her drink spiked is false. I don't think that for a second. To begin, her husband was the only person from the party at the game with her, and why would he do it? Doesn't make sense for anyone else to do it because they can't take advantage and play hide the salami. Also, her argument that she goes to church every Sunday don't mean anything to me. She should go. She probably has a lot to confess. Face it. She got sloshed and handed it out to the first guy who asked. I like how she says her husband blames himself for it for not going with her. Until I hear him say it, I'm not really going to believe it. Even then I'll probably only believe he's whipped. Why would he go? I've wandered into the women's room at a lot of places. They don't want men in there and will call security on you. I think he's figuring out he's married to a slut. Having sex with someone you've just met in a stadium concourse bathroom stall is not something "that just happens". And booze can only take part of the blame. It did let her inner sluttiness out, but I don't blame my bad behavior on booze (because it happens too often when I'm sober). Alcohol only loosens your inhibitions about saying or doing something you really want to say or do. If I was her husband, I'd seriously keep an eye on her and start asking how many nights does she drink so much that she can't remember what happened.

Illinois governor Rod Blagojevich has been arrested for trying to sell Barak Obama's vacant Senate seat (among other things). What? A Democratic politician from Chicago is corrupt? Who knew? I love the part how a lot of people are trying to spin that he's insane. Almost like they're trying to make people not connect him to another politcian from the Chicago Democratic political machine. Wonder who that could be? The idea that he's insane comes from the fact that he knew the feds were looking at him for other stuff and still talked about it over the phone which could be (and was) tapped. Being stupid is not the same as insane. And he figured he could get away with it because in Chicago, using your position for personal gain is almost expected. The real fun news is Blago is not resigning yet. And the Illinois legislature is making noise about impeaching him, but hasn't. Now the state Attorney General is asking the court system to declare him disabled and put out to pasture that way. Don't think that is exactly what the law is for. There's some quite good reasons for taking that tack. Well, not good. More like political. The most obvious is that she's from the same party and as corrupt as they all are, she doesn't want Blago naming names as payback for legislators voting for his impeachment especially since her dad is one of them proving Illinois politics may be more incestuous than Harlan County. Plus, her dad may be giving her a chance to make a name for herself. Also, by doing this, people may not ask why the feds were onto this why a heavily connected politician from the state had no idea this was happening.

The best part of the whole Blago thing isn't Obama taking a hit even if he's parsing words about how much contact he had with Blago about the job. Someone on his staff knew about it, and maybe they weren't buying, but it doesn't look like anyone was dropping a dime on Blago either. I'm fully aware that connection will be ignored. However, some crap could just hit Jesse Jackson whose son has been identified as the candidate favored by one bidder.

Blago is a case of government not working correctly. The next story is about government working stupidly. Which means it's working as designed which means inexplicibly and inefficiently. A woman's home was threatened with a lien by a Massachusetts city because she owes 1 cent on some utility bill. I'd write them a check which their bank won't cash because it costs more to process than 1 cent. Of course, it costs more to mail the bill than 1 cent. Yet, the brilliant City Collector defended this by saying they couldn't have staff members look through the computer generated letters for such ridiculously low amounts and that the bill "must be paid". What a genius. As I just pointed out, it'll cost more to process than they'll collect. Bitch should be fired if she's that stupid. Here's a thought. Set your computers to send letters only to people who owe amounts higher than the price of a stamp. Also set the computer to automatically write off any balance less than that. Use some common sense. It's a friggin' penny.

Granted, that town is just wasting a pittance to collect an even smaller pittance. San Francisco is willing to spend up to $50 million on a look-good-but-ultimately-pointless project for the Golden Gate Bridge. Since the city doesn't like the fact that people like to commit suicide by jumping from the bridge, they want to spend those millions to put in nets. I'm not for suicide and I'm sorry that one guy's daughter killed herself, but saying she would have lived if they had these nets is ludicrous. I actually saw this report on a TV news report first and one expert said having the bridge as a known suicide spot was actually good because they had a better chance to catch people attempting it and get them treatment. If people can't jump from the bridge, they'll still try to kill themselves, but just somewhere else. I have another issue. The nets are only 20 feet under the bridge which isn't much when you are jumping from about 245 feet. People who hit the nets will probably just jump from them. And since people who survive the jump usually still die from hypothermia or drowning, that 20 feet doesn't mean anything.

But enough about politics and suicide. Let's talk about Christmas. A Walmart employee died after being trampled by Black Friday shoppers. I'm sure Phil and some other anti-Walmart people believe he got what he deserved for working for such an evil company, but I blame the retarded people. I would be embarrasssed to say I was so excited to be at a Walmart sale taht I helped kill someone. Killing should be reserved for good reasons. Like hookers who laugh at........well, nevermind. Exactly what could Walmart be selling that makes you want to bum rush the store? I slept in on Black Friday because I hate shopping. I hate people. Well, most people and especially if they are in crowds. I also hate getting up early. So, Black Friday is a good day to wait for the afternoon college football games. Those from Toys may remember I always closed on Black Friday. If I showed up at all.

However, groups of people I like to think of as asses come out at Christmas to whine about the stupidest things. Some limpdicks wrote a letter asking toy companies not to market toys to their kids. The reason is kids see toys and want them. Apparently there parents are too pussy to say no. My parents told me "no" all the friggin time. Get a backbone. Here's a present you can give your kids. Learning to handle disappointment. Give them a Rolling Stones' album so they learn that You Can't Always Get What You Want. Not only will it give them a life lesson, but they'll actually learn what real rock music is compared to most of the crap on the radio today. Besides, people at toy companies have to make a living too. How about some basic economics for you? If the toy companies don't sell toys, they lose money and get rid of people. Yeah, I'm sure someone who works for one will definitely cut their own throat because some wusses can't fight the temptation to buy their children's love with expensive toys.

In another present buying story, this one from Englad lets us know that you shouldn't buy the Scrabble game for the Nintendo DS system because the computer will use dirty words. Well, you can buy it if you're smart enough to set it to junior level which doesn't allow dirty words. That eliminates stupid people like the woman who is bitching in the article. However, looking at the picture included with the article, I think there is a bigger issue. Why did she buy her son a pink DS system?

But that's England for you. This is also the place where a court forced the government to pay a lot of money to a bunch of junkies as compensation because they weren't given heroin in prison. Apparently people who use illegal drugs have a human right of being given said drugs. Am I the only one who thinks this is insane? I have two solutions for this. One is to fire (or impeach since I'm not up on British courts) the judges. Another is to give them overdose level of drugs. Junkie dead saves the taxpayer money. Win-win as far as I can tell.

Axl Rose is mad at Dr. Pepper for doing a promotion tied to his album. Basically, they offered a free Dr. Pepper if Guns 'N Roses actually released Chinese Democracy this year. They did. Rose thinks he's owed an apology. I can't figure out why. If anyone should apologize, it should be Rose. I've heard a song off the album and it sucks. He destroyed a great band so he could take years to put out overwrought crap like that.

Speaking of sucking, Rosie O'Donnell tried to revive variety shows. She failed. Miserably. Let's see. Obsolete genre. Bitter, unattractive host who wasn't even funny when she did standup. With an ax to grind. How could that fail?

I need a shower after mentioning Rosie O'Donnell, but lets move to some sex stories. Some San Antonio cops are in trouble because someone took pictures of some slutty tramps cavorting around some bicycle cops. One of them has an attorney who says drunk women taking pictures around them happen. Well, I looked at the slideshow and the cops seem more than innocent bystanders. However, three things really stick out. One, why did they edit out faces? It's on a public street. Expectations of privacy are gone. Two, why did they edit out nudity? This is news, people. We need everything to make judgments on the merits of any punishments. Three, a couple of those women (even with edited faces) don't look good enough to risk your job over.

I'm not sure who Nicola Mclean is. I don't really care. All I know is she has a big rack and wants to talk about them and more importantly, show them. She gave some good information too. Apparently, if you have breast implants, they stay cold. As a gallant gentleman, I offer my services to rub them until they are warm again. I think the most disturbing aspect of the story is that she offered Martina Navritilova the opportunity to feel them and was turned down. What kind of lesbian is that? Or it might be the fact that this article was coded by The Sun as a woman's health article.