Belichick Still An Ass & Other News

Bill Belichick tried to impugn the credibility of former Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh after Walsh told some stories about his work to the NFL commissioner. Well, I don't know how reliable Walsh is in a lot of things, but I do know that Belichick has no credibility. It kind of shows when the commish flat out says he didn't believe Belichick's excuse that he didn't know it was against the rules to video opposing coaches (even though the rules are very concise on that point). Not to mention the fact that the NFL had sent a reminder letter to teams about illegal taping (most people assume it was directed at New England). One more thing in Walsh's favor is that he also accused the Patriots of allowing players on injured reserve to practice (also illegal) and low and behold, former Patriots' player Ross backed that allegation up. This is why I think Belichick is such an arrogant dick. He got caught cheating, and he has the nerve to question someone else's integrity?

Japan's customs service is a little embarrassed this month. It seems an officer decided to test his drug sniffing dog's abilities by putting $10K worth of weed in a random suitcase. The dog failed. And the officer couldn't remember where he left it (my guess is that it was his briefcase). Personally, I think it's just a ploy by the Japanese tourism industry to boost out of country visitors. A bunch of stoners are probably heading over right now in the hopes pot gets planted in their suitcase.

In another Memorial Day story, there is still one American World War I vet left alive. He looks awful good for 107. It seems pretty ironic. He apparently didn't face much combat in World War I, but he ended up being a prisoner of the Japanese during World War II because he was in the Philippines when they attacked. Considering the harsh treatment Japanese POWs faced, the fact that he's made it to 107 is impressive. Of course, he may have liked the medieval living conditions of a POW camp. After all, he did voluntarily move to West Virginia.

This was a shocking story. Absolutely shocking. A sports columnist actually criticized Danica Patrick's behavior at the Indy 500 when she was wrecked on pit road after touching wheels with driver Ryan Briscoe. She marched towards Briscoe's pit to do God only knows. I'm used to the suck-up columns like this one where he "loves Patrick's fire." Okay, douchebag, let me point out two things to you. First, Briscoe's crew was working on his car in the pit, and it's generally not considered safe to walk through the pit boxes during a race (as Patrick should know after running over someone in practice) so she's in the friggin' way. Second, what was she really going to do when she got there? Take a swing at him? To tell the truth, I wouldn't be surprised if she did. She knows full and well no driver is going to hit her back so it wouldn't take much guts to do it. It wouldn't be the first time Patrick's used her lack of external genitalia as a shield. Hopefully, this episode will make people realize that she's a petty little bitch and it gets on my nerves that she has a sanctified status. I really wish Sarah Fisher or Milka Duno would get on a better team and surpass Patrick so maybe people would ignore her.

Here's another reason I think the IRL is stupid. Ryan Hunter-Reay was named Rookie of the Year. Not for the series. For the Indy 500. What kind of stupid contest names the top rookie finisher of one race "Rookie of the Year"? It should be the top rookie of the entire season. As I mentioned before, Tony George controls American open wheel racing because he controls the Indy 500, but it also highlights the flaws in the IRL. Everything revolves around the Indy 500. Nobody cares about the other races.

Stripper story which I know everyone was waiting for. A stripper in Alabama is suing her former (I assume) employer for her drunk driving wreck. She says they encourage the "ladies" to get customers to buy them drinks to boost sales. It sounds like she just couldn't hold her liquor. The encouragement was supposedly getting a cut of the liquor sales. Well, getting a cut of all drinks sold is one thing, but how much could she have been getting per drink. Even if she got 10 drinks bought for her, the cut for those 10 probably wasn't that much. She would have probably been better off just pushing the drinks on the customer and not drinking herself. That was her business decision. I just hate these kind of stories. How can you write a stripper story and not have a picture of her? How do I know if she was worth buying a drink for?

In another NFL story, the 2012 Super Bowl has been announced for Indianapolis which means some sportswriting moron has to trash the mere thought of the Super Bowl not being in a more fun place. My response to Gene pretty much ends with "and the horse you rode in on." Whining about the cold is ridiculous because it's in a dome. And besides, I think it's crap that the Super Bowl is restricted to warm weather sites or domes. To begin with, weather is part of the game. What are they? A bunch of pansies? Deal with it. I think it would have been cool if Tampa and Oakland had played their Super Bowl in Green Bay. Plus, why shouldn't other cities get a chance to host the big event if they want to? Take Cincinnati. Why shouldn't it be able to host the Super Bowl (it'd be the only quality game in town)? To begin with, the host team gets perks such as a larger ticket allowance to the game so why should certain teams be excluded from ever getting that? Second, taxpayers of Cincinnati funded their stadium. If they are going to help subsidize the league, why shouldn't they get a chance for the economic benefits that come with it?

What really pissed me off about the column was Gene defended his position by saying it would be bad for the fans. What a load of pure unadulterated BS. Very few "fans" actually make into the game. Last year's Super Bowl had about 12,000 tickets going to season ticket holders of the two competing teams. Another 1000 went through a fan lottery by the NFL. So, the number of people who go to the game is minuscule in comparison to the ones who will be watching at home. What Gene is really bitching about is the fact that he will have to go to Indianapolis to cover the Super Bowl. Boo friggin hoo. His employer will pay him to attend the Super Bowl, and he's complaining. This isn't new. I wrote about another whiner last year. It's simply amazing to me that these dumbasses really believe that their readers, who have virtually no chance of ever going to a Super Bowl themselves, have any sympathy for their petty little predicament.

Speaking of the Super Bowl or at least the weekend, I found Phil's camera wedged under the back seat of my car. I left him a message but he hasn't called me back so I'm trying to remember the laws on unclaimed property. Also, click here to tell me to post the deck picture of Melissa that she didn't want getting out, but I now have.

Sitcom concept: Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher together. What kind of satanic force allowed this to happen? There could be scenes where they're talking at the same time. At that point, death may become a relief. I think I'll be blocking that show just so I don't accidentally stumble over it.

Oh, it's so cute when a politician stands up and looks stupid. Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin berates oil company execs for Chicago having higher gas prices than nearby Indiana (which Barak Obama may think is somewhere near Arkansas since Hillary won their primary). Completely oblivious to the fact that the price difference is due to the taxation level of Chicago. I hear politicians running this year by saying they're going to do something about high gas prices. Of course, the Democratic platform in 2006 said they would lower gas prices. I guess you could say they did if by lowering you mean it jumped from around $2.13 when they were sworn in back in January 2007 to the present amount. Isn't $3.99 a drop from $2.13? Anybody relying on the feds to lower gas prices better start saving up to buy more. Government is a good chunk of the problem. Not just for taxes. Government red tape stifles all kinds of stuff. I have nothing against alternative energy sources, but it's pretty damn stupid to waste money subsidizing ethanol which is causing food shortages while at the same time, making it harder to produce nuclear energy. If bozos in France can get 75% of their electricity from nuclear, why can't we? Oh right, red tape. Wouldn't it be nice if all those homes in the northeast were using electric heat thus saving heating oil for our transportation? Oh, wait, it may not make a difference. Another problem is the lack of refining capacity in this country. Why? Oh right, regulations make it so expensive to build a new refinery that we've gone 32 years without a new one. Actually, since Durbin is a Democrat and they cater to the environmental movement, shouldn't he want even higher gas prices so people drive less?

Since I like lower gas prices, I have to wonder what could be done. Could renewed domestic drilling be a solution? Well, Congress (including the members who claim they can lower gas prices) voted against the only real way to lower gas prices. Once again, Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin comes up with this ludicrous assertion, "we can't drill our way to lower gas prices." Let me think about that. How about a little lesson in basic supply and demand. The price of oil futures has shot up because of concerns about future supply as developing nations use more energy and three quarters of the oil out there (not counting the off limit reserves in the U.S.) is controlled by foreign companies which often means foreign governments which often mean dictatorships. So, Durbin is a genius. He apparently understands...........well, not much of anything. The only way to lower gas prices is to increase supply to meet the added demands. Or we could do it Durbin's route. Don't increase supply to meet demand. Let the price really go up. That'll cause a real economic slowdown much like the late '70s which was about 20 times worse than now. That will mean less energy use and will lower demand. If you don't have a job, who needs gas.

To give equal time, let me point out how stupid my party is. This gas price thing could be the easiest to understand issue. Yet, John McCain can't exploit it because he was one of the only Republicans to vote against expanding domestic oil production. Showing his wonderful sense of hypocrisy, McCain is against "forcing" California and Florida to allow offshore drilling because their people may not want it. Yet, he still votes against allowing more drilling in Alaska even though the people in Alaska are very much in favor of it. I guess he thinks the caribou are against it. Maybe he should talk to the caribou (ah, they probably wouldn't listen to him either) because they seem to be doing fine in spite of the other oil drilling up there.

Even more, let me introduce Republican Charles Grassley who is just as stupid on economics as Durbin. As I mentioned before, the government's rather foolish plan for subsidizing ethanol has led to high food prices without really doing anything to alleviate our reliance on foreign oil. Well, in the debate on food prices, Grassley brings up this gem "What does the cost of corn have to do with the price of wheat or rice?" Let me explain substitution first. If the price of one food commodity is artificially inflated (as corn has become due to ethanol mandates) and a third of it isn't being used in food, people have to turn to other food products. Therefore, since 30% of corn is being produced solely for ethanol, demand for wheat and rice go up. That causes prices to go up. Then there is another problem. Ethanol mandates have caused a price rise in corn. If you're growing wheat and can make more growing corn, why wouldn't you grow more corn? Therefore, supply of wheat will go down. Less supply + more demand = higher wheat prices. It's supply and demand. This concept is so basic that you can learn about it in the dictionary.

Since we're on politics, I must mention that Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor with poor long term prognosis. I wasn't going to mention this story because there was that old remark that went along the lines of if you can't say something nice about someone then don't say anything at all. Then I remembered that I'm happier saying things that aren't nice. I'm going to admit this deep dark secret. Contrary to popular belief, I don't wish death on very many people. I have never actually wished death on Ted Kennedy. I just wish he would go away. That said, I'm not going pretend that this story really affects me in any way. Certainly not more than a random obit in the local paper. I'm not going to rehash why I can't stand the man, but I have nothing good to say about Kennedy and the fact that he's mortal isn't going to change my opinion of him. It's sad for his friends and family (of which I don't qualify), but I'm not going to be dishonest and pretend this is somehow important to me. Certainly not as important as the death of Harvey Korman. That guy played Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles which goes far and away beyond anything Kennedy ever did.

Why do we keep ripping off reality shows from England? The newest one is some stupid show where a millionaire wanders the street pretending to be poor to interact with the local street trash. The only thing I would have to look forward to on this show would be to see if he gets shanked by a schizophrenic homeless man for his shoes. I'm sure the people of the community are completely in the dark about their wandering millionaire. I always take it at face value when the local homeless are followed around by camera crews. What I found really sad about the article was that it said the Limey version "won the prestigious Rose d'Or award in 2007 for the best reality series". Sorry, chumps. No award for best reality show is prestigious.

And finally, Tonya Harding is coming back. She's got a biography coming out. Well, a bunch of interviews which I will probably never read. I hope it all works out for her. I've always had a soft spot in my.........well, let's just say heart......for her. Of all the celebrity sex tapes I've ever seen, her's was one of the better ones. She was quite the little minx. She worked her ass off in that video. Pamela Anderson's was good, because mostly she was really hot, but she also seemed stoned through half of it and really didn't put in a lot of effort. Ditto for Paris Hilton who didn't really add much to hers. I won't watch the Amy Fisher tape on general principle. By general principle, I mean she's not that attractive or really much of a celebrity. Kim Kardashian was the absolute worst. Maybe she was weighed down by that gigantic ass, but she just kind of laid there. So, I'll give Tonya credit for her performance. I think she skated or something like that too, but I really can't remember.

Memorial Day

Auto Racing & Other News

Figured Memorial Day weekend was a good time to take another look at the sport of auto racing since tomorrow will be the duo of the Indy 500 (I don't have much interest) and Coca-Cola 600 (lot of interest). Actually, what really made me think of it was ESPN.com's top 25 race car drivers (from all series). A couple of things stood out for me. How did Shirley Muldowney get voted higher than fellow drag racer Don Garlits? Both had three series titles, but Garlits had 144 event titles to her 18. How does that make any sense? Of course, I don't see how you put Dale Earnhardt ahead of Richard Petty (and I doubt they would have if he hadn't died). Same number of titles, but Petty had 200 wins to Earnhardt's 77. Considering he wasn't winning more than a couple of races as his career wound down, Earnhardt probably wasn't going to catch Cale Yarborough's 83 let alone Petty.

What I found really egregious was Tony Stewart being listed 16 which put him ahead of both Darrell Waltrip and Bobby Allison. It's highly retarded that Allison isn't on the list, but Stewart is. I wondered why until I noticed that one of the voters was ......... Tony Stewart. They also seem to give some attention to the fact that Stewart won the IRL title in 1997. That's a joke. The IRL was a joke in 1997 (and isn't a whole lot better now). All the best drivers were in CART and the biggest names (Eddie Cheever; Arie Luyendyk) were past their prime drivers who couldn't cut it in CART. The IRL was so down that it only ran 10 races that year and was letting anyone with a pulse and a driver's license try out for the Indy 500. Showing how bad the IRL was, two CART drivers entered the 2000 Indy 500 and one, Juan Pablo Montoya, crushed the field.

Speaking of the IRL being a joke, it happens every year lately that around the Indy 500, open wheel racing reporters begin talking up how great the IRL is becoming again. That's because this is the only weekend where IRL ratings are remotely comparable to NASCAR. If the future of IRL is so bright, why are the past two IRL champs, Dario Franchitti and Sam Hornish Jr, racing in NASCAR this year? The only reason there has been a recent rebound in the popularity was the appeal of Danica Patrick to young girls and men who like young girls or at least pretty women who are built like a ten year old girl. I haven't figured out why they don't push Milka Duno. She's got a better rack.

The one that bugged me the most was this chump who thinks the future is bright because Tony George is in charge of the IRL. Tony George is the guy who caused the problems for open wheel racing that allowed NASCAR to completely dominate auto racing in America. He thought open racing had too many foreigners, was dominated by the large teams, was too expensive and should stick to ovals. So, using the fact that he controlled the Indy 500 (the only open wheel race anyone cared about), George forced a split by forming the IRL and forcing out the other CART teams (who came back this year after CART went bankrupt). So, where is it now? Nine of the top 15 drivers are from foreign countries. It's dominated by the large teams. It's becoming more expensive. And they're adding more road courses. So, the IRL is pretty much like the pre-split CART with less popularity. Great job.

In non-auto racing news, it is Memorial Day weekend, and a story has come out saying 1000 World War II vets are dying a day. One researcher thinks that number is low, but I was originally surprised that it was 1000. I guess I forget how long ago World War II really was because I long had a personal connection to it since my grandfather was in the Army in Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was bombed. So, it never seemed that far in the distant past. Yet, in hindsight, he was 84 when he died three years ago. Granted he was older than a lot of other WWII vets, but you have to think the war ended in 1945 so 1928 was really the last year any were born. That means just about all WWII vets are 80 or older. Since the vast majority were men, I'm actually a bit surprised that 2.5 million out of 16 million total serving are still alive today.

Speaking of WWII, this could have been an interesting article about a German archaeological homo, but they had make a connection to pop culture which I must dispel. The article claims he was the inspiration for Indiana Jones because he also searched for the Holy Grail. Even using the term "undoubtedly" even though the premise is highly doubtful. For one, while a lot of real people were claimed as the inspiration for Jones, the producers always said they based it on old B movies from the 30s. Second, Jones never joined the SS, and in fact, seemed to have problems with Nazis. Third, the only connection is that both were archaeologists looking for the Holy Grail, but Jones only went looking for it because of his father. Oh, and it wasn't until the third movie that Jones went looking for it which means he is obviously based on something other than queer Nazi digger.

This would be your typical older woman sleeps with teenage boy story except the one little line about how it all began. He apparently wanted pictures of her boobage, but she sent picture of Pamela Anderson's. Now, I freely admit that I'm not too discriminating when someone sends me boob pictures, but you might notice this chick was black. And Anderson is not. So, if he really thought he was going to be banging a chick with knockers like Pamela Anderson, he's a dumbass.

I actually read the original story when it came out. A substitute teacher was fired (how do you fire a substitute? don't they work as on call?) and claimed he was told it was over "wizardry" after he did a magic trick in his class. I never even considered linking to it on the blog because it sounded like complete BS the moment I read it. Seriously. Who even uses the term "wizardry" any more? Now, if I could find that story highly suspect, shouldn't Keith Olbermann who has a research staff have done a little more checking before he ran with it? Maybe a phone call?

And the surrender to Eurabia continues. Dutch police sent in the swat team to take down cartoonist for insulting Muslims.

That chick in the story above wasn't the only female sending naked pictures over the cell phone. Two in Santa Fe, Texas sent naked pictures to boyfriends. The difference was they sent naked pictures of themselves. And they were in junior high school. A lot has changed since I was in junior high. We didn't have cell phones.

I've never been a big fan of Shania Twain. Well, not of her music. I would have given Phil's left arm to do her. Now, I'm not so sure. When I heard she was divorcing Mutt Lange, my first thought was he was just tired of being married. Then I heard there was another woman, so I assumed it was some fine young lass. Then I saw a picture of the other woman. Now, I wonder what could be wrong with Shania if that's what he dumped her for. Hell, who am I kidding? I'd still do her and put up with whatever crap drove Mutt away.

I didn't watch the Academy of Country Music awards, and I didn't realize that they were letting the public to vote on Entertainer of the Year. That is until I read that Kenny Chesney won and promptly started bitching about the fact that they let fans vote. So, this guy becomes a big star by ripping off Jimmy Buffett and dodging gay rumors, and he wants to basically say fans are too stupid to pick the Entertainer of the Year?

Some Girl Scout in Michigan set some kind of record by selling over 17,000 of their overpriced, overrated cookies. And did it by manning a booth on a street corner. Unfortunately, she's only 15. If she was a year or two older, I would use the obvious joke that she wore her Girl Scout uniform from six years ago and her buyers were primarily men. At only 15, that might be a little creepy. Maybe her mom was hot and wore her uniform. Or maybe guys stopping by her street corner were looking for hookers and bought cookies to avoid suspicion of vice cops.

In China, a restaurant is causing some controversy by filling their urinal (it's a trough) with carp. Come on people. It's China. Two thirds of the country probably use the local waterways as their bathroom. These fish aren't going to have a problem with a little urine. They may die because the water doesn't hold the lead and mercury they're used to.

Preakness & Other News

I found out the problem with having your cable, internet and phone all wrapped up with one company. My cable was down three hours on Saturday, and while I could probably pick up NBC enough to watch the Preakness, I couldn't bet on my online account without internet. And I couldn't go to a phone backup because the home phone was down and my cell phone is a work phone which means I'm not calling a gambling service on it. Fortunately it got back up so that I could throw my hard earned money on animals running in a circle and even better, be able to watch it clearly. Not that there was much suspense as Big Brown won easily as I and pretty much everyone thought he would. It was so easy that I'm not sure he broke a sweat. I think they could have grabbed a dozen more fresh horses and run the race a second time and Big Brown would have won both. Since it didn't seem to take much out of him, I'm not sure anyone's going to beat him unless that shooter from Japan can do it. Unfortunately, that means we'll have a Triple Crown winner who some (including me) will question the greatness of because he ran against a bunch of nags.

The good news is that I took my own advice and placed a $10 win/place/show bet on Macho Again ($30) because I thought he could pull it off if Big Brown bounced. Well, Big Brown didn't bounce, but, when you look at the payouts (2.40 win, 2.60 place, 2.40 show) for his really small odds, betting Big Brown to win was a sucker bet. The same $30 win/place/show bet on Big Brown would have paid back $37 which means you net $7. Macho Again paid $17.20 to place and $10.40 to show. So, that $30 bet paid back $138 for a nice $108 net. Remember, kids, you don't have to bet win every time.

A woman is suing the authorities because her son committed suicide while in solitary confinement. I find this interesting because there are a lot of people around the country trying to legalize doctor assisted suicide. If we accept assisted suicide, then shouldn't the next step be allowing people who want to kill themselves to do so? I'm willing to bet a lot of the terminally ill cases that are used as examples to push assisted suicide legislation also had issues with clinical depression. If a terminally ill person with depression is allowed suicide, why not just a depressed person? As for the young man who killed himself, he sounds like a real scumbag murderer who saved the state the cost of a trial, appeals and execution. In fact, I think his mom should be sued for raising such a rotten ass kid.

In another murder story, a 46 year old woman ran over her 90 year old husband after a parking lot fight. He died. My first thought was to give the old dude a thumbs up for nabbing a woman 44 years younger than him. Then I saw her picture. God, I hope his eyesight was failing. I don't know what her problem is. Was she too impatient for time to take care of this?

I was watching the early telecast of Preakness day on ESPN. Now, I realize sports journalists try to take themselves seriously, but ESPN has a vested interest in keeping the sport up. They carry the early races on Triple Crown race days. Yet, they were running all kinds of reports about what's causing the problem of horses breaking down. It would be like the pregame shows for the 1990 NCAA basketball championship discussing whether basketball should try to lessen the athletic part of the game because Hank Gathers died of a heart condition while playing. It would be one thing if we had a new and chronic problem going on, but not to harp on (or use a beating a dead horse pun) something I've mentioned before, the fact is the perception that horses are dying left and right during races is seriously flawed. Then I saw this little nugget. Someone who actually documents horse racing death says that we're actually seeing fewer of these deadly breakdowns in the past decade. Which actually undercuts all the arguments about breeding, training, whips and chains, and other "causes" of horses not being as strong as in the past. If the horses aren't actually breaking down as much as in the past, maybe anecdotal evidence about infirmities is wrong. In defense of ESPN, they did allow one geneticist to point out that claiming breeding styles of the past 10-15 years have led to genetic infirmities in horses is silly because that's not enough time for the genetics of horses to change like that.

Someone doesn't seem to understand how to burglarize a home. I would grab the goods and go. This guy decided to move in. In fact, he was caught by the police while taking a crap in the home's bathroom.

Yeah, the story is from The Sun so there is probably a question of validity, but it's still funny. Man suspects wife is cheating. Man tries to sell her on ebay. Complete with nice pic of wife. I have a couple of thoughts. One, he got some great bids considering the picture showed his wife picking her nose. Must be a British fetish. Second, why would you pay for her? If she's cheating on her husband, just find out where she lives. You might be able to find her and get her for the price of a couple of drinks.

Sadly, the Utah Jazz lost to the Lakers to be eliminated from the NBA playoffs. This leaves me a lot less interested in watching basketball especially if Cleveland loses and takes the only other reason to watch, LeBron James. That means baseball will be even more pervasive. I stumbled across some chump who gave reasons why baseball is great, and in doing so lists a few reasons why baseball really sucks. He actually likes the four hour games. I wouldn't have a problem with four hour games except in baseball, a good chunk of the four hours is doing nothing interesting unless you consider readjusting your junk (for fourth time) interesting. He mentions that baseball stats are "sacred". Well, I said it before and I'll say it again - stats in baseball are stupid. To begin with, they rejigger the rules constantly to change the advantages - i.e. too much scoring, raise the pitcher's mound. Even worse, how can you take home run numbers seriously when all the ballparks are shaped differently with no standard on distance to the walls? That would be like one basketball arena moving the 3 point line out because all their shooters stink. But the line that really got me was "'Field of Dreams' struck a deep chord with Americans because so much of the movie is true." I've long argued that Field of Dreams showing the pureness of baseball is complete garbage because here's what's true about it. It's waxing nostalgically about an era when a team took money to throw the World Series.

I like the other guy's column on why baseball sucks.

A big controversy is erupting in LA because some people think it would be smart to recycle the treated sewage water back into the drinking supply. Actually, to tell the truth, I don't see what's wrong with this. If people are squeamish, do like Japan and install "dirty water" pipes that go to toilets (or should have). Even better, kill two birds by building a pipeline out to the agricultural areas and have the treated sewer water used for irrigation so river water can be used for drinking. I saw the Dirty Jobs episode where he was at the processing plant and that water came out awful clean. Besides, it's not like river water isn't full of animal crap.

Science is finally studying the important stuff. Some group of doctors or possibly perverts got together and decided on a definition of "premature ejaculation". Apparently, it's if you can't last one minute. No word on whether that minute includes the time it takes to pull the money out of your wallet.

There are some stories that are cringe worthy, and this breast feeding one is certainly that. Now, I think breast feeding is good thing for children. Even if the woman wants to do it in public (discretely) and isn't horribly unattractive. But I have to question whether a seven year old child should still be breast feeding (and if you don't want to see a video of seven year old being breastfed or think it's not safe for work, don't click on the link). I also have to ask what kind of cult are you running when your grade school daughters are so obsessed with breast feeding that they name your knockers and it's the featured attraction in their artwork. I guess it's a good thing that the mother doesn't expect to still be breast feeding her daughter when she goes to college. That might seem a bit extreme.

2008 Kentucky Primary Election

Next Tuesday, the Presidential primaries come to Kentucky. For once, two active candidates will be on the ballot for one of the parties (the Democratic Party for those living in a cave). For some reason, Kentucky has long held the belief that they shouldn’t be involved in selecting presidential nominees since our primary is more than four months after the season opens and has always been done well after the nominee is decided. At least with two people still campaigning, my 13 hour day as a precinct judge may be a little more involved. Of course, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell a person they can’t vote in the partisan races because apparently 1100 Fayette county voters switched their party affiliation in 2008 (my guess is because they wanted to vote in the Democratic primary). I further guess they are unaware that December 31, 2007 was the cut off for switching your registered party and still voting in the primary.

One interesting thing came out of the election day training. There are six Republicans (McCain, Romney, Keyes, Huckabee, Paul, Giuliani) and three Democrats (add Edwards) still on the sample ballot. Apparently, all of them filed to be on the primary ballot and none officially withdrew. As a Republican who doesn’t really care that much for John McCain, I think that’s a good thing. It allows me to vote for someone else as a reminder that my vote for him isn’t automatic which is apparently happening already. McCain clinched the nomination with his win in Ohio. In the four races since then, McCain has failed to hit 80%, so over 20% of Republicans in those states still took the time to go to the polls and vote for someone else even though McCain can’t lose the nomination. And most of them weren’t wackjob Ron Paul supporters. Obama groupies have said that voting for their candidate will lead to great change for the country and make people who vote for him a better person. Since Obama’s platform is warmed over liberal Democratic rhetoric going back 30 years, that must mean voting for a black guy is what makes you a better person. Because of that, I will be voting for Alan Keyes. As far as I know, Keyes’ mother wasn’t white, so I will be an even better person than the Obama supporters. Obviously much better than Hillary supporters because voting for a woman is just silly.

The Republican primary is definitely pro forma since all the other candidates have dropped out even if they are still on the ballot. It’s the Democratic race that is fascinating because there is beginning to be some real hostility out there. The big news on that front is that a lot of people want Hillary to drop out. I don’t know why they think Hillary would quit now. She's only been planning this run for most of her lifetime. Since the Democrats routinely grab the new face over the retreads (Carter, Dukakis, Bill and now Obama never had a high presidential profile until they ran), it's really her only shot. The stated reason people want Hillary out is because she has no way of winning. That’s not really correct. She’ll never be able to get the 2,025 pledged delegates that she needs to win. However, Barak Obama only has 1,875 pledged delegates which means he needs at least 150 out of the 189 delegates in the last five primaries (thanks to stupid ass caucuses, those numbers may not be 100% accurate, but they’re basically correct). Since he’s not going to win Kentucky or get 100% of the vote in other states (Democratic primaries are usually not winner-take-all), I don’t see that happening. Therefore, neither candidate will win the Democratic presidential nomination without the Superdelegates (party leaders who aren’t “pledged” based on primary and caucus votes).

SIDE NOTE: Interesting reason Barak Obama has why he expects to lose Kentucky (and did lose WV) to Clinton. "What it says is that I'm not very well known in that part of the country. Sen. Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas." As opposed to Obama's Illinois. As the map shows, seven states border Kentucky. They are Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri and Illinois. Wait a minute? There's Illinois, but where's Arkansas?

Now, Obama is picking up Superdelegate pledges left and right, but that’s expected since everyone assumes he’ll win. Superdelegates are party leaders (which means they are politicians) who will eventually want something so if there is a President Obama, you don’t want him reminding you of your Hillary support when you come asking. Yet, Superdelegates may pledge their vote to a candidate, but they don’t actually vote until convention. That means if something bad for Obama were to come up between the end of the primaries and the convention, votes could change. Say a video of Obama smoking crack with a naked 12 year old was to surface. I can’t say from personal experience that such a situation would harmful to one's reputation (no, I really can’t), but it would probably cause him to withdraw from the race and guess who is standing there with a lot of delegates? I’m not saying that I think Obama has ever done anything like that (but there was a time I thought a sitting president would never risk his position by getting hummers from a chubby intern in the Oval Office), but it may not have to be that bad. If something else came up that made Superdelegates begin to think he can’t win the general election, who knows how some of them would react?

Would it really take that much to put doubt about Obama in Superdelegate’s minds? The media and party leadership have pretty much said the race is over with Obama winning. Normally, in a case like that, the party faithful rally to the anointed one. Why haven’t they done so with Obama? Since winning the Wisconsin primary in February, Obama’s only big wins were North Carolina and Mississippi where a large enough group of primary voters were black (34 and 50% respectively) and went 90% for him. In the same time frame, Hillary has won Texas, Ohio (by a lot) and Pennsylvania (by a lot). And when everyone is saying that the race is definitely over, she beats him 67 to 26 in West Virginia? It makes you wonder if some Democratic voters are beginning to think they jumped on the Obama bandwagon a little too early. It’s one thing to ignore West Virginia (God knows I try), but if Obama can’t pull Ohio and Pennsylvania in November, he’s in trouble. Plus, Obama’s core support is blacks and hard core liberals which are not likely to cross over to the Republican side. He’s simply not pulling the swing voters which is why polls show a lot more Clinton supporters than Obama honks saying they’ll flip to McCain if their candidate isn’t the nominee. Now this is all silly speculation because I doubt very seriously that the Superdelegates would give the nomination to Clinton when Obama has more pledged delegates. There will be a convention riot if that were to happen.

Plus, another reason Hillary isn’t leaving are the reports are that she is willing to take the Vice Presidency. If she can finish strong and finish 150 total delegates behind Obama, he might decide he needs to put her on the ticket to keep all her supporters on board. I’m not sure it would be that great an idea. Most political studies of voting patterns have shown that very few people ever make their presidential pick based on who the running mate is. Besides, Bob Novak says Michelle Obama won’t stand for Hillary being on the ticket. Two bitches on a campaign is one too many. Plus, she doesn’t want her husband dying from a suicide by six shots to the back. Still, even without the Vice Presidency offer, a strong Clinton finish means she would have some influence on the party platform. Not sure what she would put in there that Obama wouldn’t want since politically, they aren’t that far apart. If there is something, the last thing the Obama camp wants is to alienate Clinton supporters by pushing her to the side.

I can’t really blame Hillary for being somewhat angry about how everything transpired. Sure, everything was done in a cold, calculating way and purely for political gain, but Hillary played the political game that was supposed to put her into position to get the nomination. She stuck by her husband when his personal “habits” almost derailed his candidacy and second term. She dutifully moved into a more traditional First Lady role when it was apparent that her policy activity was harming Bill’s presidency. As a Senator, she sucked up (in a non-Lewinsky way, I hope) to all the Democratic constituencies. She set up a PAC to dole out campaign money to other Democratic candidates. She actually made an effort to work with Republicans so people would think she was a centrist even though she’s not.

So what happened to her? She’s losing to some guy who says he can unite the country even though he’s never shown an ability to work with the other party (or even unite his own). A guy who preaches change while running on the same platform as her (with no track record of getting much accomplished) and who has a rep for missing controversial votes or skipping work while claiming to be heavily involved. A guy who believes simply electing him will impress the world even though the world has proven they aren’t interested in that. She sucked up to Al Sharpton while running for Senate in New York, and then watched him endorse Obama. When the Senate votes to essentially condemn a Moveon.org ad, Hillary votes against it while Obama skips town to avoid going on the record. Yet, he still gets Moveon’s endorsement. She can’t even rely on the feminist movement which used to claim they wanted a female president. She can’t even brag about the Hamas endorsement since that went to Obama. Even the once pliant press who wouldn't think of asking her a hard question when she ran for Senate has apparently found their new star. When you have to use a defense of Hitler at Munich in an effort to defend Barak Obama and you do so willingly, some people might think you're in the tank for Obama.

Even worse, she can’t count on former officials who owe their start to being in Bill Clinton’s administration. Let’s face it. Bill Richardson and Robert Reich would still be nobodies if Bill Clinton had appointed them to his cabinet. Now Richardson is governor of New Mexico (and can claim to have been one of the worst candidates in the Democratic Presidential primary this year). As for Reich, he’s………well, he’s still a nobody, but at least he can claim to have been a cabinet officer although I would advise him not to mention that it was Secretary of Labor. No offense to the Department of Labor, but it’s not exactly a glamour position (can anyone name a part of it besides OSHA? I can, but I'm probably the exception). Look at the list of former Secretary of Labor and tell me who besides George Shultz is well known for government service (and his certainly isn’t for being Secy of Labor). Even though Elizabeth Dole is now a Senator, I still think of her as primarily having been Bob Dole’s wife (and the collateral damage from his Viagra use). Ditto with Elaine Chao who is married to Mitch McConnell. It’s a nothing job. But I digress.

If I didn’t dislike Hillary so much, I might actually feel sorry for her. Since I find her to be a cold, calculating bitch who routinely stabbed supporters in the back and pandered to some of the worst elements while trying to get ahead, I think the whole thing is rather funny.

The Kentucky Derby & Other News

The Kentucky Derby ended sadly when second place horse Eight Belles had to be put down on the track due to two broken ankles. There have been recriminations from it, but it was an accident. Some argued that fillies shouldn't race males, but that's stupid. She was bigger than most of them, and it wasn't like she ran into one. Then the circus started as America's least favorite wackjob organization, PETA, decided to give their uninformed opinion. First, they wanted the jockey suspended (yet later said they didn't blame him). Then they came up with their demands which included no dirt racing. Because these giant animals are so fragile that they can't run on dirt. For the record, the worst breakdown I ever saw at Keeneland was on the turf course. Why would anyone take these dumbasses seriously? PETA once asked the Green Bay Packers to change their team name because "packers" came from the meat industry. And that's one of their lesser braindead moments. This is actually an organization that sent a letter to Yasser Arafat after a mule was used by a suicide bomber to tell him not to use animals in the future to blow up people. They were okay with blowing up a bus of students or a pizza joint.

This led to hand wringing by sportswriters about the cruelty of the sport. I saw one say he saw no difference between horse racing and Michael Vick's dog fighting. Well, for those stupid enough not to see the difference, let me explain what it is. The point of dog fighting is to watch two dogs try to kill each other. The point of horse racing is to see a horse outrun other horses. Having a horse get hurt (even if it survives) is considered the worst thing that could happen. That's why it's considered a tragedy. People who are criticizing horse racing don't seem to understand how horses are. Horses aren't trained to run. They are trained to pace themselves while they run. Horses run in the wild. They run in the pasture. They have to be held back while training on the track. When a jockey gets thrown off a horse, the horse will almost always finish the race without the jockey. These horses love to run. Ending horse racing won't stop them from running.

The real problem with horses is just the way they are built. Horses (and horse like animals like zebras) are odd in the fact that a broken leg is almost always a death penalty. Barbaro had only one broken leg and everything possible was done for him, and he still didn't make it. To begin with, broken legs can easily become infected (not many blood vessels down there). Even if that is fended off, horses can't go on bed rest like a human. Horses can lay down, but can't stay that way. This leads to the big problem. Laminitis. If a horse puts too much weight on one leg, it can cause a very painful inflammation and broken support. That's what got Barbaro. Can racing on dirt cause a broken leg? Certainly. Of course, horses break their leg and die in the wild. Horses have broken their leg in stalls. I volunteered at a nature center in Chattanooga. They had a pasture where people boarded their horses, and one of them broke its leg in the field. Was not a pretty sight as the horse kept struggling to get up, but couldn't. I heard they eventually called someone to show up with a .22 rifle to put it down. Taking a horse off the track doesn't mean it's not going to break its leg.

Now, up next is the Preakness. I heard on the radio that Gayego will attempt to take on Big Brown. That means those two are the only horses from the Kentucky Derby who are going on to the Preakness. Not that it really matters. I think after watching the Derby that we have a very poor class of 3 year old horses. The Derby was a slow race with slow fractions all the way around. Yet, Big Brown won easily with some horses being 50 or more lengths back. Even worse, most of the jockeys on the other nags said their horses were gassed down the stretch. A slow pace and your horse got tired? Those horses weren't very good. Now Big Brown is facing horses that didn't have the earnings to make the Derby which is why I don't see him losing to any of them unless he gets hurt. The only other chance is if Big Brown bounces hard (doesn't run worth a crap after a big race) due to being lightly raced and only getting two weeks off. Even then, he might win. If he does bounce or get hurt, I would go with Macho Again. I'll probably just put a place/show bet on him on the assumption he'll finish second. A good long shot to hit the board is Hey Byrn.

Now, all is not lost on the Triple Crown. A foreign horse just shipped in from Japan and crushed the Peter Pan Stakes. Casino Drive is really lightly raced so I'm not sure I can pick him to run huge again and win the Belmont, but it certainly makes it a lot more interesting.

And on to other things. A French doctor is saying farting, belching and sweating lead to good health. Or something along those lines. Well, I'm set.

I've got to say Democrats aren't looking too bad right now. At least compared to Italian leftees which isn't really that complimentary. In a fit of pique after being voted out of office (again), they posted the salaries of every Italian on the internet. My employer doesn't even want me to let co-workers know how much I make (probably so I won't be ridiculed for having such a lowly salary). I'm still trying to figure out the Economics minister's soap opera defense where he says "This already exists all around the world, you just have to watch any American soap opera to see that." You see, I wasn't aware that Days Of Our Lives was announcing my salary.

Still, that isn't the worst "your government at work" story I've heard recently. A Japanese bureaucrat had 780,000 hits on porn sites in only nine months. I don't think I've ever reached that level. He also wasn't fired. Just lost a little pay and got a demotion. Must be nice. The pay decrease didn't seem that much (about $155 a month) and the demotion probably means less work. I'd take that to spend my entire work day surfing porn. I'd take that to spend my entire work day surfing most websites.

Now if he was fired, he would have been better off in The Netherlands. The unemployed there are actually being forced to take some New Agey crap "Regression Therapy". I fail to see how getting "in touch with their past lives" will help them find a job. If they tossed them off unemployment, they would probably be more likely to get a job.

A civil war is breaking out in Lebanon. That's strange. The US doesn't have any involvement there, and the Israelis pulled out some time back. I don't understand. I didn't think you could have a crisis in the Middle East without US or Israeli involvement. It's almost like another country (possibly one whose name looks like the title of a Flock of Seagulls song missing the space) might be causing problems in that part of the world.

A quick thanks to Phil (or payback for that winning horse when you went to Keeneland) for calling me about going to see Iron Man. It was a very good movie. I was never a comic book nerd, but I would periodically go through stages where I would buy them and Iron Man was always a favorite.

Even though some won't admit it, anyone with a grain of sense knows that OJ Simpson committed a double homicide. Yet, he walked. A man has been put into prison because his daughter was truant while living with her mother and failed the math section of her GED. A daughter who is now an adult. That's garbage. I'm all for enforcing parental responsibility, but when the child becomes an adult, it's a moot point. You shouldn't have to go to jail because your daughter is stupid.

Now, here's a guy who definitely needs to go to jail. He trained his girlfriend's 12 year old daughter to be a dominatrix and had sex with her as part of the training. With the mother's permission and assistance. The Mother of the Year candidate (San Fransisco chapter) will probably get less time in the joint for it, but I think she should actually get more time. To begin with, sex offenders don't do well in prison so the man's experience will automatically be worse (or possibly better in his mind). Plus, she was the girl's mother. She had the added responsibility of protecting her child. I don't think dressing her in leather and handing her a whip qualifies.

And along the same lines of underage sex, the defense of all those female teachers sleeping with teenage boys has centered along the lines that they want it (an argument that doesn't work with a man and his 15 year old mail order bride or so I've heard). But this story may show that is not necessarily true. A 13 year old boy had the credit card company send him a second copy of his dad's card which he used to rent a motel room, buy an Xbox and have some hookers sent over. Yet, he didn't seem to know what to do with the hookers so he played Halo with them. Loser. No word on whether or not they beat him (at $1000 a night, they should have let him win). I've never paid a grand for a hooker, but I damned sure wouldn't be playing Xbox with them. So many things went wrong in this story. It's a sad commentary on American society that the teenagers knew enough to claim the American with Disability Act as a reason why the whores had to stay because the kiddies claimed to be circus midgets who couldn't be discriminated against. Even better, the little fraudster's defense to the cops was his father would be okay with the charges because he forgot his birthday. That got taken to a whole new level because the father felt the need to defend himself by saying he was going to take his son to Disneyland. Let's put it this way. If I did this, there would be no Disneyland. There would be hard labor. If I was lucky. Now, my dad might insist on getting serviced by the hookers since they were already paid for, but that just makes good business sense.

I'm pumped about the NBA playoffs. My Utah Jazz are tied 2-2 with the damned Lakers. Unfortunately, two of the next three games are in LA. I get the feeling that if it goes to game seven that the Lakers will have more free throw attempts in the fourth quarter than the Jazz will have the entire game.

In other sports news, Danica Patrick ran over someone else's crew member during Indy 500 practice. Reporters fell all over themselves to say it wasn't her fault, but he was not in her pit box. If you're going to drive through someone else's pit box to get to your own, it's your responsibility to look before you plow ahead. I think my first thought was the same as everyone else's. Was she fixing her makeup or talking on a cell phone when it happened?

Damned Brits and their misleading headlines.

In other science news, the animal porn story of the week is about a seal trying to have sex with a penguin. Probably too much bourbon that night. The scientists had some ideas why - inexperience, predatory act or play turned dirty. I have another thought. Sometimes you're just horny. They also refer to it as "the most unusual case of mammal mating behaviour yet known". I don't know about that. I was at a party once and saw a guy dragging a girl up and down the stairs by her hair.

But I think the story shows just how important nookie is. In an unrelated case also involving sexual frustration, a woman had a blow up with the cops because her husband wasn't interested in a little late night boning. And in the long run wanted to clean up their lives some. Which led the dingbat to rant and rave while drinking a half gallon of whisky (I think we've all been there before), steal her husband's wallet and throw the family dog at the cops. I just have a question. The husband "told his wife they had three hours to quit smoking, drinking, swearing and engaging in some sex acts" apparently due to a newfound Christian belief. I just want to know what "some sex acts" were. If deviant behavior was somehow involved, I think that is newsworthy stuff.

News Of The Week

Earlier in the week, I used an incorrect term when describing Roger Clemens as a possible "pedophile". Technically, a pedophile targets children. I'm not real sure 15 years old qualifies as a child in that respect. Especially since she was a 15 year old who was allowed to sing karaoke in a bar. And no, I'm not making that distinction in case certain aspects of my past ever pop up.

You have to give Roger Clemens credit. He's got an amazing ability to make a bad situation worse. Get mentioned in the Mitchell report as a steroid user. You could just make a little denial and go quietly into retirement. Instead, why not sue the former trainer who narced on you? Works well when he announces he still has the syringes he injected HGH into you with. Go on 60 Minutes to defend your innocense. Come across as a liar. And nut case. Insist on testifying before a Congressional committee. Come across as an even bigger liar and face possible perjury charges. Now, one of your girlfriends is ratting you out in order to help her career which brought a couple more out of the woodwork. You would think giving all that money to McCready would have bought a little more discretion out of her. I think the only person who probably feels like a bigger chump is Clemens' wife who took a bullet for him by letting him tell Congress (and the world) that she took HGH, not him.

As for McCready, what a whore. The story now is that she went up to his room when she was 15, but nothing happened even though "it was love at first sight". I'm sure they only went up there because his room had HBO. The weirdest person in this whole thing is McCready's dad, Tim. He seems to know way too much about when all the sex between his daughter and Clemens got going. Oh, and he thinks the married man who started chasing his teenage daughter was a gentleman. Of course, what do you expect from a guy whose 15 year old daughter is meeting men at bars and going up to their room? And another thing. Wasn't McCready considered a hottie back when she was a star (not really my type; something about the nose)? She's only 32, but that picture in the last article shows she hasn't aged well.

On the plus side, while researching pictures of McCready (okay, I just went to her website), I found a link on her site to some chick named Aki Hoshino. Not often you see a Japanese women stacked like that.

It could be worse. World renowned soccer star (which still puts him about 20 levels below Cameron Mills in Lexington) Renaldo had a little problem when he picked up three hookers. They turned out to be transvestites. There seems to be a dispute about what happened after getting to the room. Renaldo says they tried to extort money. The hookers say he threatened them after finding out they were packing some man-meat. I know one thing isn't in dispute from seeing the picture of the hooker. It doesn't matter whether or not Renaldo thought he was picking up a man or woman, he has lousy taste in hookers.

The value of a Yale education. "Art" student Aliza Schvarts submitted a project that basically consisted of her blood (she claimed she repeatedly inseminated herself and then induced an abortion to get it, but most likely it's "just" menstrual blood) in between sheets of plastic in the shape of a cube. Needless to say, that's a bit controversial. She said she wasn't going for "shock value" (sure she wasn't), but instead wanted to start a conversation. Here's my conversation to her. "You are an idiot. Your project is stupid, quite disgusting and unhygienic. This is typical BS "art" by untalented hacks who couldn't come up with anything worth a crap. You should be kicked out of school simply for wasting everyone's time with that garbage."

Surprisingly, Yale actually decided this could be problematic. So, they announced that she hadn't really had a bunch of abortions. It's just performance art which is code for non-artistic endeavors by people needy for attention. Then the "artist" replied that Yale is wrong and she did do what she said she did (even though she can't really say that she ever got pregnant which shows you don't have to be smart to get into Yale). Surprisingly, Yale won't let her display her idiotic project until she admits it's all fake. Actually, it's not too surprising. It's not very good PR for Yale. How would you like to explain to the parents of prospective students that this is what kind of education will come from those hugely expensive tuition payments? Or to alumni who question why you need money for endowments when this is what it goes for?

To be honest, I'm surprised Yale didn't just try to brazen it out. It's not like higher education is averse to allowing such stupidity. There's been a lot of controversy with some of Barak Obama's associates (Reverend Wright being the most well known). One of them is William Ayers who was one of the Weathermen who is still proud of his behavior to the point that he wishes he had been a better terrorist who bombed more things. His friendship with Obama notwithstanding, but Ayers is a professor at the University of Illinois at Chicago. What does it tell you about the state of higher education that a former terrorist is now a professor?

Actually, a lawsuit should tell you about the state of higher education. A former Dartmouth professor is suing Dartmouth for harassment and threatening to sue the individual students for harassing her. How did they harass her? They had the gall to disagree with her opinions. Doesn't seem to be a lot of support from Dartmouth students who seem to think the professors problem was her own incompetence. Which seems rather likely because she has a PhD in literature, but her emails are full of grammatical errors. This is a double whammy to Dartmouth's academic credibility. Not only did they hire that half-wit, they gave her a diploma before hiring her.

Still, the most embarrassed university out there should be Arizona State. They disbanded the cheerleader squad because six of the girls' pictures in underwear at a get-together ended up online. Maybe the girls should have claimed the pictures were an art project. In the interest of telling the whole story, I looked up the original web posting of the pictures. Didn't find the hot lesbo cheerleader pics I was expecting. Seems a bit ridiculous to get rid of the squad over those. Their cheerleading outfits don't have much more material than that.

I finally saw Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby and came away with two thoughts. I finally know what happened to the gray Members Only jacket that I had in high school. Gary Cole is wearing it to Applebee's in this movie. It was nice to see several of the lesser known Steve Earle songs on the soundtrack. Of course, the fact he would peddle his music for this flick kinds of belies his claim of being "Marxist". It's not like he can claim he wanted his songs on the soundtrack due to the artistic merits of the movie.

In more music news, Madonna becomes even more pathetic.

Well, the Kentucky Derby sucked. Big Brown did get the good trip that I didn't think could come out of post 20 which means serial cheater/drug user Rick Dutrow wins the Derby. Pyro gets squeezed at the start which ended his trip before it started. Colonel John hangs back about a mile before he starts running. That leaves the filly to challenge and she runs so hard that she breaks both her ankles after crossing the finish line second. Pretty gruesome injury. In fact, I've seen horses break down before, but never break both ankles at once. Which brought out a poor broadcasting sequence for the NBC people. First, the guys at the desk noted that a second equine ambulance was brought out for Eight Belles without seeming to understand the significance. Then the commentator actually on the track said she thought it might be a heart issue and maybe wasn't that bad. Well, actually, I knew she was a goner the moment that second ambulance arrived. You don't need two for one horse. The only reason to bring the second one is to block the view of the crowd as you put her down.

Not that they were the only ones not to go out of their way to embarrass their coverage. ESPN had the early races at Churchill and did their usual crap of throwing everything up to and including the kitchen sink into their coverage. I know they like their show PTI, but the less I see of Michael Wilbon and Tony Kornheiser the happier I am. Even though both admitted they know next to nothing about horse racing, ESPN still felt the need to do a segment with them. It would have been one thing to just ask for their pick (who the Hell doesn't have a Derby pick), but to have them try to handicap something they admittedly know nothing about was absurd. Kornheiser proved he hadn't done more than Cliffs Notes level research when he said Big Brown got his name because UPS owns him. Not quite. He was named after UPS' nickname, but only because his actual owner does business with them. It's ludicrous to think UPS would own a racehorse.

So much for a coronation in the NBA East. If someone told me when the playoffs began that only one first round series would go seven games, the last one I would have thought was Boston-Atlanta. Boston had the best record in the NBA as they finished with seven more wins than any other team. Atlanta was eight games under .500, and had been swept by Boston during the regular season. Suddenly in the playoffs, Atlanta takes them to game 7?

The Kentucky Derby

I don't know why I get so pumped about the Derby. It can be a pain in the ass to handicap and this year is worse than most. Normally, it should be a good betting race for me because I don't like betting favorites because of low payouts, and the Derby is rarely won by the favorite. Since Spectacular Bid in 1979, Smarty Jones and Fusaichi Pegasus are the only winners who went off as the betting favorite (although I think Street Sense was in a virtual tie with Curlin last year). That's not to say it was only long shots. Horses like Silver Charm, Sunday Silence and Winning Colors had lower odds than Smarty Jones' 4.1-1. They just beat a bigger favorite. However, in the past 10 years, five winners had odds higher than 10-1 with three of those going off at more than 20-1.

Why is this? One is the huge field. This race often has 20 horses which means traffic is a bigger problem than a normal race. Also, they're coming from all over the country for this race so past performances aren't uniform. This year is even tougher because so many tracks have gone to synthetic surfaces which means performances could be skewed. The second favorite, Colonel John, has never run on real dirt. Keeneland's Polytrack looks like it was made from dryer lint, and some horses ran on it like it was dryer lint. Pyro looked like a monster horse going into the Bluegrass Stakes there. And then finished 10th, and now we have to wonder if he suddenly sucks or just didn't like the surface. In his defense, the other stakes winners also finished at the back of the pack.

I haven't fully decided who I'm going with, but I have narrowed it down to four horses. Considering my Derby track record, you might want to avoid those four. But first, I threw out six horses immediately because I don't think they have a shot at winning. Which means you should strongly consider them. Those were:
Anak Nakal - This horse is slow.
Eight Belles - This is a filly that should have run in the Kentucky Oaks. Nothing against fillies, but they rarely win the Derby. Now she's a big, solid looking horse who will have a 5 pound weight advantage, but previous fillies who won the Derby had faced the boys before. This horse hasn't.
Visionaire - Not a bad horse, but I don't think he can make the mile and a quarter.
Z Humor - His speed makes Anak Nakal look fast. And it's been dropping every race this year.
Smooth Air - Sprinter. Who had a fever earlier in the week.
Bob Black Jack - Another sprinter. He'll probably jump to the lead, but I can't see him hanging on.

After that, I thought some more and threw out another four although I took a longer look at them:
Big Truck - More of a tactical speed horse which is good in the Derby. Just don't think he has enough speed. Or enough class.
Cowboy Cal - This is a turf horse whose only good non-turf run was in the Bluegrass Stakes. I don't think he can handle real dirt.
Recapturetheglory - Won the Illinois Derby, but he's another sprinter who I don't think can hold the lead. However, if the odds are good, I could see him pulling a Hard Spun or Lion Heart and leading most of the way before being caught in the stretch. So, if the odds are still good, a place or show bet could be an option.
Gayego - He did win the Arkansas Derby which has been a good path to Derby victory in recent times. I don't have a good feeling about him (which means I should probably bet him) and I don't think he can make the longer distance. If the Arkansas Derby had been much longer, he would have lost.

Then came five more that were hard to throw out, but I had to just to get it manageable:
Tale of Ekati - This horse did win the Wood Memorial which was good, but I can't keep thinking about how sluggish he looked in the Louisiana Derby (run on a similar track to Churchill). Like Gayego, I think he would have been caught at a longer distance.
Adriano - Another turf horse who did well on Polytrack. Problem is he looked like crap on real dirt. It was still tough to throw him out, because Edgar Prado had a choice of horses and took this one.
Monba - The way Keeneland was playing, his win in the Bluegrass Stakes would normally have caused me to ignore him. However, he did win an allowance on dirt. Still, I don't trust him.
Denis of Cork - Was looking great until he shanked away the Illinois Derby at even money. He's a closer which is a plus, and I could see him win this, but he doesn't have the synthetic track excuse to make me forget he finished fifth in his last race.
Cool Coal Man - Toughest horse for me to toss out. He bombed in his last race, but it was the Bluegrass Stakes. I like his pedigree, but I'm tossing him out because unlike Pyro, he ran well early in the Bluegrass before faltering.

Then there is Big Brown. Big Brown will be the favorite in the Derby, and a lot of people are talking him up as the next big thing. He looked incredible in winning the Florida Derby. His previous two races were also huge wins. His trainer is basically saying he can't be beat by any horse in the Derby. I threw him out anyway. To begin with, the Florida win was great, but his first race was a turf race that got moved to the dirt because of rain (which means he beat a bunch of turf horses). Then he won an allowance race. That means the Florida Derby was only his third race. Ever. And it was because he had bad feet which could be a problem. Certainly can't think this is a sure thing. His connections hope they have another Barbaro (went from turf to dirt) who won the Florida Derby before crushing the Kentucky Derby. I would lean more towards Curlin who has turned into a great horse, but he went into the Kentucky Derby with only three previous starts and lost.

Plus, Big Brown's trainer has had drug problems (for himself and his horses) so I question his judgment. I especially question his arrogance in pushing his horse. I like a confident trainer, but he's gone way beyond it. His horse has only three starts and Dutrow thinks no one can beat him? It makes me think he'll find a way to screw this up. It reminds me of Empire Maker (a much better horse than Funny Cide) who lost because he ran four wide the entire way around the track. I'm still convinced trainer Bobby Frankel and jockey Jerry Bailey were so convinced they had the best horse that they thought they could do that and still win. They didn't. Dutrow did have a late pick in the gate draw, but taking the 20th spot was insane. He'll have the other speed horses on his inside as he tries to get in good position. He doesn't make it, and Big Brown could have a bad trip.

So, who I am leaning to?
Colonel John - My only concern with him is that he's never raced outside of California which is all synthetic tracks (although not Polytrack like Keeneland). He looks good in training at Churchill. My only concern which may keep me from betting him to win is the rain. It's one thing to go from synthetic to dirt, but it could be a bigger problem to go from synthetic to mud.
Pyro - That Bluegrass Stakes is weighing heavy. The only reason I can even try to overlook it is by recognizing that all the stakes winners on dirt who ran in the Bluegrass flopped. Still, he looked really good before that. Based on his affinity for the Fairgrounds in Louisiana, I think Pyro could take to Churchill's track. Still, the fear is that he didn't run well at Keeneland because something other than the track is wrong with him.
Court Vision - Good long shot play. He hasn't had a great year, but he was driving at the end of the Wood Memorial. I think if he had made his move a little earlier, that race would have been his. He doesn't run bad races, and I think he'll like Churchill.
Z Fortune - Another good long shot play. He had a wide trip in the Arkansas Derby and was still in good position at the end. I think he'll get a better trip coming out of the six slot which means he can pull this thing out.

So, there. Those are the four horses to avoid while I'm throwing my money down the crapper.