The Week In Review

Perfect night to write this week's review up. I can drink and watch the BCS Championship Game while I'm doing it at my leisure. Hey, Chris Wells just busted a 65 yard touchdown run to put Ohio State up 7-0. In the process, he outran safety Craig Steltz who I'm convinced is the worst All-American I have ever seen. I wonder who thought Chris Wells could be a key?

The political season certainly brings out the........well, let's call them the semi-retarded candidates. One in particular, who I will forever call The Pride Of Georgia (non-Jimmy Carter Division), decided to live on a 300 foot scaffold "for days" to call attention to something-or-other. I wasn't really paying that much attention. Let me go back and check. Right, he's saying "that politicians should pay more attention to the concerns of working people and less to those of wealthy corporate interests." In this case, their concern could be that some idiot is close to falling off a tower. Actually, what I find humorous is that he's supporting working people by not actually working and opposing corporate interests by climbing a tower named after a billboard company which sounds pretty corporate to me.

Now, here's a candidate who interests me. The mayor (female of course) of some podunk town in Oregon is catching heat for posting a lingerie shot of herself on her Myspace page. Actually, she's not too bright since she's claiming that the picture was from before she was mayor and "personal". Except it was taken at the fire department where her regular job as secretary is. I'm not real sure that taking risque photos on a fire truck is normal policy.

A Star Trek fan is suing Christie's auction house for fraud. He bought a poker visor used by some android on the Next Generation show (that I never watched) for 6 grand and was apparently told by the guy playing the android (who apparently has nothing else to do) that it's a fake. He also paid $16,000 more for a table from the set and a uniform. The Trekkie says he's humiliated. He should be. Not because an auction house gypped him. He should be embarrassed for spending $22K for a poker visor, table and cheesy Star Trek uniform.

Just for the record, I have not been on a plane in about a year.

Oh, Ladies. Marilyn Manson is back on the market. That is if you're interested in a crappy musical "artist" who has to be "shocking" in order to sell albums and look like a carnival sideshow freak so people aren't aware how really unattractive he is. Now, if he's not your cup of tea, Bud from Married With Children is also available.

Game note. LSU is pulling away. Ohio State needs to open things up again. Their QB is making some good passes. Give him a chance.

Now, here's a really crap story. Some idiot woman decided to "help" her daughter win Hannah Montana tickets by writing an essay detailing how the poor child's father died in Iraq. When it was discovered that her father had not died in Iraq (or at all), this bitch went on The Today Show to "apologize" (and freak me out with her eyebrows). Apparently her original position, "We wrote whatever we could to win", wasn't going over well. Her "apology" probably isn't going to do too well either since it seems to follow the "I'm sorry I got caught" agenda. Oh, and she didn't mean to "mislead" because a flat out lie isn't in any way misleading. Oh, and she didn't have the tickets taken away from her. She refused them. Roger Clemens is more believable. Even better, the dumbass is playing victim. She had to take down her MySpace page. OH, THE HORROR. NO MYSPACE FOR HER. She's just a stupid, callous, conniving bitch who took what is a tragedy for other people and exploited it. Personally, I find it a good case for waterboarding.

Here's a story that should be about young girls, but it's not. Hello Kitty is now marketing clothing to young men in Japan. Nice quote in the article. "That generation feels no embarrassment about wearing Hello Kitty." Well, if they're dudes, they should.

Considering how stupid the media can be about anthrax, I'm surprised the death of several Afghanis from it wasn't trumpeted as a major news story. Some people are unaware that anthrax is naturally occurring. Now, when I read this story, I was originally struck by the level of stupidity. If your camel is so sick that no one will buy it, why the Hell would you eat it yourself? Then came my next thought. What does camel taste like?

England. Where criminals aren't really criminals. There have been countless stories about how citizens aren't supposed to fight back against robbers or attackers. Well, now the cops are actually telling a woman that if she improves her home security, they'll arrest her if someone breaking in gets hurt. Really. It's true. I guess in a warped namby pamby European way it makes sense. It's probably easier to catch the home owner than the burglar. Why waste time doing the hard work? It's not like the English police aren't proficient at arresting middle age women.

Which wreck is worse? Driving onto a railroad track because you're listening to your GPS system or wrecking because you're trying to avoid a pterodactyl? I don't have a GPS system, but my guess is that when it tells you to turn right, you turn right at the next road. Not immediately turn right, especially if that turn puts you on a railroad track. Still, I'm leaning towards the pterodactyl story because they've been extinct for quite some time.

I saw in the paper that higher education in Kentucky are concerned about budget cuts. Well, if they are like other colleges and universities, they could cut some of the stupidity out and save a ton of money. I recently read about a column by a Philosophy professor who wants a ban (I'm assuming government) on certain hedge trimmers and Hummers (the driving kind). Not to keep people like me who aren't environmentally conscious from having them. No, he doesn't have the self-control to keep from buying them himself, so he wants them banned. At least he was expressing his personal opinion in a non-university funded forum. Unlike a researcher-slash-dumbass at Hebrew University who did a study on why the Israeli Defense Force didn't have organized rape of Arab women. Her conclusion? Israeli men don't rape Arab women because they have a conscious political objective not to enlarge the Arab population (contrary to historical precedent of many invaders raping women as a way of establishing a foothold among a population). It certainly couldn't be that Israeli society frowns upon rape. I don't know for certain, but my guess is that it's illegal there. Maybe they should institute laws like other countries. Where women who are rape victims might be sentenced to jail and lashings. Maybe then Israeli soldiers will feel compelled to rape Arab women.

And finally, there's the Spears family. America's answer to .........well, they're actually pretty unique. I didn't feel like mentioning the Jamie Lynn Spears story because I wasn't really aware who she was or what the Hell Zoey 101 was. Besides, whats one more pregnant 16 year old from Clodkicker, Louisiana. Sure, she's a complete moron. You're getting paid good money to star in some stupid teenager show. What would be the worst thing that could harm that job. Maybe getting pregnant? Short of crystal meth face, you can hide a drug addiction offscreen, but the baby gut might be a giveaway. Still, wasn't that interested. Then two things were reported (that may or may not be true due to the fact it comes from tabloids, but are certainly funny). First, sister Britney was hospitalized as bi-polar/serial nutsack after the SWAT team had to be called when she wigged out and held her children hostage. A report says her jealousy about the coverage her little sister's pregnancy was a major factor in the meltdown. Then came the report that her somewhat-legal-to-knock-up-a-16-year-old boyfriend isn't really the father. It's some executive of her TV show. Is this not the biggest white trash family ever? William Faulkner couldn't come up with this story. Why do I get the feeling that Kevin Federline will eventually get custody of Jamie Lynn's baby too just so it has a chance at a normal life?