News of the Week

It's always nice when someone's death-by-stupidity is followed a family member showing where he got that stupidity. It recently happened after three dumbasses in Colorado got drunk and died when their car hit a light pole at over 100 mph. In the wake of brother's tragic death, one of them's sister remarked, "The thing that makes me feel much better about this is they died doing what they loved to do -- they were drinking, they were going fast, and they were together." Right. Your brother died in an avoidable accident, and you're happy because he took two others with him? Man, I bet she'd be ecstatic if they had taken out a school bus while they were at it.

A bunch of bureaucrats in D.C. got canned for surfing porn at work. Don't their coworkers get suspicious when they take their computer to the bathroom for an hour? Gee, I wonder why they thought such behavior would be tolerated in a city that looks for ethical leadership in city government. Remind me again why the District of Columbia isn't a state?

I'm supposed to be somewhere next weekend, but where the Hell was I going?

Nice to see England is quietly surrendering to the coming Eurabia. The latest example is a CD book being banned from a government award because it's based on the story of the Three Little Pigs. And as we all know, Muslims believe pigs are unclean and might be offended. Please. The thought that Muslims could possibly offended by children's books is ridiculous. That would be like them rioting over some cartoons. What's next? Threatening death on an actor who gets a wax statue?

Of course, when the Muslims take over England, they better be prepared to use the metric system exclusively. I've mentioned before the propensity of British cops to hassle middle aged women while avoiding real criminals. Well, now they are hassling one who used standard units of measurement at her vegetable stand instead of metric. Why did she do that? Her customers like standard weights better. In this country, we have government officials that go around checking scales and gas pumps and such. Of course, they generally don't take cops with them. And their function is to make sure things are calibrated correctly so the consumer won't be confused about what they're buying. If you pay for a gallon of gas, you should get one. In England, the point seems to be to confuse the consumer by making them take their produce in weights they aren't familiar with.

This home video of Atlanta during their latest "snowstorm" brought back memories of when I lived in northern Georgia. It's really cute to hear the term snowstorm used for 1 to 3 inches. One year I was living in Rossville, and we got 4 inches of snow (take that Atlanta). They were selling "I survived the blizzard" T-shirts. I found the 4 inches of snow as a hassle to be quite amusing because I lived in Louisville during the 1978 blizzard, and that was a real blizzard. Six years old and I couldn't walk through it. Come to think of it, I was in college in Owensboro, KY when the next big storm to hit in 1994 (it hit us before Louisville). Now, that one didn't have as much snow, but the cold was bone-chilling. This picture was taken almost a week after it hit. Just in time for a cookout. Hint: If you're drunk at 10am, it's not that cold.

Sadly, I've discovered that many of my co-workers in Lexington are a bunch of pussies when it comes to cold weather. Okay, it got fairly cold recently. However, when you're bitching that you made a mistake going out for lunch because it's only 20 degrees, you're a wuss. I realize that 20 second walk from the building door to a car is excruciating, but you know what? We survived.

I was kind of bummed that Fred Thompson dropped out of the Republican primary. Not did he have a voting record to match his speeches, he was in both The Hunt For The Red October and Die Hard 2 (would have been better if he had been in one of the other Die Hard movies, but it's still a Die Hard movie). On the Democratic side, Dennis Kucinich dropped out. I liked how the story said he would explain the "transition" later. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that no one was really voting for him. He couldn't even get a vote from his wife (because she's still a British citizen so she can't vote). I don't know if the UFO constituency is that small or if running on his record as the mayor of Cleveland when it went bankrupt wasn't the best move. Actually, the only positive I can see is that he proved hobbits can marry up women who are 30 years younger and a foot taller.

Well, if Phil ever decides to get back into the online dating websites again, I found a great one in Conjugalharmony.com. Nothing says love like a wife in prison for life. I signed up for all the girls in Mississippi because it's relatively close (fortunately, Fisty is there, and there's just something about that name). Then I realized the whole thing might be a joke. Then I was sad.

In serious news, a suicide bomber was trying to blow himself up in an Afghani marketplace. Except he fell down some stairs and detonated himself. Did I laugh? My ass off.

In other terror related news, Hamas was whining because Israel stopped shipments of diesel fuel to Gaza which was used to run the electric plant. The reason? There was a "spike in rocket attacks" against Israel coming from Gaza. Which implies that Israel had been sending the fuel when the rocket attacks against them were at an "acceptable" level. So, even though oil rich Arab countries have been known to raise a lot money for Arab suicide bombers from the Palestinian territories, those territories face starvation if they aren't supplied by Israel, a country that they've sworn to destroy? And the Israelis are the bad guys? It's pretty bad when the Washington Post isn't even buying it anymore.

The most interesting terror (sort of) case was the teenager who was arrested for planning to hijack a plane using handcuffs, duct tape and rope. Yeah, good luck with that wonderful plan. That's not even enough for a good S&M party. Or so I've heard. The best part was his goal. He was going to crash the plane into a Hannah Montana concert. Nice to have goals.

I hate the Sundance Channel. It takes advantage of me when I come home after a few (several) drinks by putting on movies I've never heard of but including intriguing synopsis on the cable guide. Which is how I end up watching Sleeping Dogs Lie. The guide said Bobcat Goldthwait wrote and directed it. He's funny. The father from Unhappily Ever After is in it. I liked that show. Maybe this will have an imaginary bunny. The guide says its a comedy about a woman who gets in her boyfriend's doghouse over a "sexual transgression" from her distant past. Funny people. Possibly kinky sexual situation. Why can't this be a good movie? Well, you can start by making the sexual transgression something along the lines of the woman giving oral sex to her dog while in college (kind of makes those college lesbian flings seem pretty tame). And she wasn't even drunk. I stayed with it out of bizarre curiosity on how she was going to tell her boyfriend. She kind of blurted it out at her parents' house, and then the rest of her family finds out which leads to her losing her boyfriend, severely damaging her relationship with her father and causing enough stress that it may have led to a fatal aneurysm in her mother. But then in the end, she meets a new guy who doesn't get told the Fido story, reconnects with her father (at her mother's funeral) and gets a note from her dead mother saying it was okay that she had sex with a dog because everyone makes mistakes. So, the moral of the story is that having sex with canines might be OK, but don't tell anyone about it. I really should have recorded this movie, because I think there could be a lesson for all of us in it.