Happy Thanksgiving

Start off with a turkey story. In New Hampshire, a turkey farmer has his birds drink beer to give them some weight. I don't really have a problem with that except it shows him giving the turkeys Coors. They're friggin' turkeys. Give them Milwaukee's Best. Actually, it's not that great of a story. It just gives me an excuse to again link to the greatest turkey moment in sitcom history.

On to other news. I'm sure all lawyers dream of getting appointed to their state supreme court so they can get cases just like this one. Who wouldn't want the power to decide if trying to hump a store mannequin is indecent exposure if he isn't trying to do it in front of other people? Now, I've been drunk and horny. In fact, I'm drunk and horny right now. However, I'm positive (well, mostly positive) that I've never reached the point of trying to get a little from a mannequin.

Down in Florida, some people reported seeing an orangutan running around in their woods. Wildlife officials got involved. They concluded it was a fox squirrel. Might think about bringing the DEA to that neighborhood. Here is a fox squirrel. And here is an orangutan. I can see where the confusion came from. Whenever I scratch myself in public, I inadvertently grope 16 year old girls. I get confused easily while doing that.

But at least I don't wear a nun's habit.

While I was wishing everyone a Happy Thanksgiving, it's actually the day after which is when everyone goes shopping. Except me. The thought of fighting crowds like that drove me to the couch today. Well, that and laziness. Still, it means Christmas is here. Well, the fact that some stores were putting Christmas stuff up around Halloween should have already clued people in. And what comes with Christmas. Stories about political correct stupidity regarding Christmas. First was Australia where department store Santas were told to use Ha,Ha,Ha instead of Ho,Ho,Ho because a ho could be frightening to children (especially if she has herpes). Oh, and ho is a demeaning term for women in America. I'm sure those Santas were only a short step away from greeting children with a "Yo, bitch".

Then in England, a local school has decided to put Santa in green because the students might think of Coca-Cola. Let me repeat that. A school has decided not to put Santa in his normal red and throw away 200 years of history and tradition because students might think of a soft drink. WTF? How retarded are the people running this school? Why not ban the playing of soccer at the school because students might think of Umbros? When I think of commercialization at Christmas, Coke falls pretty low on the list. Oh, and it doesn't say much for the history department that the school really believes Santa in a red suit is the result of product marketing. Or say much for them that nobody bothered to check and find out they are full of crap.

I'll admit I don't really know too much about the music of Amy Winehouse. With my constant reading of news websites, I am well aware that she is English white trash. An unrepentant junkie who sings songs about not getting her junkieness fixed and has nervous breakdowns about her unrepentant junkie husband getting locked up. Oh, and her big ass hair freaks me out. Yet, I still can't bring myself to agree with the UN that her drug use is leading to instability in Africa.

In fact, I blame Africa's problems on Africa, especially after I read the story of the witchdoctor and the diesel fuel in Zimbabwe. Well, she is "spirit medium" which doesn't sound as backwards-ass as witchdoctor. But the backwards-ass is still there. This woman claimed she to be able to get diesel fuel from a rock which she did by hitting the rock with a stick. She just so happened to do it in front of a bunch of government ministers who turned around and gave her a bunch of money and took a year to figure out they had been fooled. The fact that these morons are running a country (into the ground) is why many parts of Africa are a basket case. There wasn't one skeptic in the bunch to actually take a closer look at the rockand notice a pipe? This wasn't a Jed Clampett story where oil was struck on the surface of the ground. These dumbasses actually believed refined fuel was coming out of the ground because she hit it with a stick.

Several men convicted of Madrid train bombings in 2004 have gone on a hunger strike. Frankly, I don't see the problem here.

I mentioned previously a man who was arrested for trying to get 911 to pick up some beer for him. Well, everyone had a good chuckle over that one, but this story out of Wisconsin shows the tragic results that can come about when a man doesn't get his emergency supply of beer. The guy was mad because his wife wouldn't bring him some more beer. So, he shoots one of their pet goats. I don't know why he's being charged with it. Goats are livestock (except in parts of the Middle East where they are sex objects). He should have just eaten it.

How sweet. Paul McCartney's gimpy soon-to-be ex-wife is forcing her way into the news by ripping into rich people. You know. Like her estranged husband, and herself if she gets the amount of money she's going after in the divorce. My first thought was surely she couldn't be so stupid that she thinks no one will recognize the hypocrisy in her position that five years of sex with an aging rock star should be worth $100 million. Then you read further and find that she thinks she's on par with great humanitarians from the past who were punished for their beliefs. And what are her beliefs? Well, she is a vegetarian, and everyone knows they face incredible persecution. Oh, and she seems to think that a mediocre model/soft core pornster/high priced call girl turned gold digger has some kind of moral authority. Exactly what did she ever do besides marry a former Beatle that would endear her to any segment of the population outside of fellow amputees in need of inspiration (if their aspirations are to marry someone very wealthy)?