Monday Night News

Remember. Election day is tomorrow (at least in Kentucky) if you're a Republican. If you're a Democrat, it's on Wednesday.

It's bad timing for me since I'm an election officer and have to be at the precinct at 5:30 in the morning. What sucks is the Steelers are playing on Monday night, but I'll only get to watch the first part of it.

An 83 year old World War II vet in Milwaukee was convicted of trying to hire a prostitute. I'm pretty curious what the sex act was that he was willing to pay $20 for and apparently able to perform. Actually, I'm a little disappointed with the jury for convicting. Sixty years ago, this man stood on the ramparts of freedom and democracy defending this great country against the rampaging socialist horde. If he wants a little nookie and is willing to pay for it, I think that's the least we can do for him.

At least he wasn't trafficking cocaine like this 93 year old man. This is who I would buy my drugs from. I could probably give him a $2 bill and claim it was a $20.

In other crime news, 75 yard gnomes were allegedly stolen and dumped in someone's front yard. I say allegedly because we don't know they were actually stolen. For all we know, those gnomes walked there themselves. They're sneaky bastards.

My favorite story of the week. An assistant high school coach and cheerleading coach at an Ohio high school were fired for taking a picture of a topless 15 year old cheerleader and posting it on the web. You know, I'm really past the point of laughing at such stupidity on their part. "Let's throw a party, invite a high school freshman, get her to pose topless, and post the picture on the internet. What could go wrong?" No, what gets me about this story is that it says the two coaches were 19 years old. Why would a high school hire assistant coaches a year out of high school? And why did the report name the football coach, but not the cheerleader coach?

EDITOR'S UPDATE - Found an update on the cheerleader story (with video). This one does include the cheerleading coach's name. And I had assumed that the football coach took the picture of the 15 year old, but I was incorrect. The cheerleading coach took the picture of both of them with their ta-tas hanging out. I'd like to hear her explanation for what she was thinking then. And maybe some more details about what went on after that picture was taken. You know because it's news.

You've got to be careful with pictures and crap that you take. A former NFL player could lose his job as a high school hall monitor because he had two nude pictures on his cell phone which he lost and a student found. Now, my first thought was "you're worried about a job as a hall monitor?" Then I realized he needs that job to coach there. This whole thing is ridiculous. They weren't nude pictures of students (one report said one was a picture of himself which is a whole other issue) nor was he showing them around, so what business is it of the school that he had them? Actually, they should suspend the bastard student for "finding" the phone and trying to pawn it even though he knew whose phone it was.

A couple of rich folks up in New York abused their servants by beating and starving them. Well, not completely starving them because they would make them eat a bunch of chili peppers washed down with chili powdered salt water until they threw up. Hey, what's the point of having servants if you can't do things to make them vomit?

Okay, we’ve got a guy who lost his leg in a plane crash, but kept the leg. In a barbecue smoker. I’m assuming he had no plans to use that smoker for cooking anymore. I hope. Then he forgot about it and all his crap in a storage locker was auctioned when he didn’t pay his bill. And now the guy who bought the contents of the locker wants the leg back too so he can charge people to see it. I’m torn here. On one hand, I can’t believe someone wants to display an amputated leg for money (or that very many people would pay to see a mummified leg), but at the same time, the guy did buy whatever was in the locker. Why shouldn’t he get it back? You don’t want to lose your leg, don’t keep it in a storage locker. Or at least pay the bill. There have been cases of people who hid their murder victim in a storage facility and got caught because they stopped paying the bill and the contents were auctioned off. If you are going to store a dead body in a rental facility, shouldn’t be the first bill you pay every month?

A medical study just came out that says Karl Marx suffered from a skin disorder that leads to alienation which probably affected his writings. It leads to skin problems (leaking pus, boils, blackheads) on your butt and private parts. So, a political philosophy that led to the death of millions of people in the last century came about because some guy had boils on his junk.

And finally, a few stripper stories. Is this something new? A stripper at a baby shower? Women better watch out or guys will start including strippers on their (formerly) mundane get-togethers like pre-work breakfasts, business lunches, after work happy hours, dinner, Sunday school, kid’s football games, and bar mitzvahs.

Or a college graduation. A man says his son was defrauded out of $53,000 at a strip club because he told them not to go above $600 but they kind of did. I am curious. It says he bought 19 bottles of champagne "between $150 and $2000". Let's assume $2000 each. That's $38,000 max for champagne. How much do they charge for a lapdance? I'm not sure who is stupider. The son wasn't too bright to not keep an eye on his tab. But I think the Dad was even stupider. First, if you are setting a $600 limit, give him cash. Second, if you do decide to give him a credit card, make it one with a limit. Mine would crap out long before it go to that point.

Finally, there's a virus going around on the internet to allow spammers to sign up fake email addresses. A picture of a hot babe pops up and says she'll strip as the user types in jumbled figures. My question is why would you play a striptease game that suddenly "pops up" on your screen? Gee, that doesn't sound dangerous at all? You've got the internet. If you're that hard up for pictures of naked chicks, it's not that tough to find some. Or so I've heard.