Well, Barry Bonds set the all time home run record. I thought there was a load of irony when the record tying home run was served up by a pitcher once suspended for steroid use. However, the record breaker had even more irony as baseball commissioner Bud Selig wasn't able to be there. Why? He was meeting with George Mitchell who is leading baseball's investigation into steroid use in baseball.
It's nice to see Lexington's airport make national news as a flight attendant was booted from a flight because she was blotto. A couple of things perturbed me about this story. One was some passengers who decided not to fly on other planes because of the incident. A drunk stewardess was enough to make them question the idea of manned flight? Another was the flight being canceled because they didn't have enough crew members. She's a flight attendant. She hands out peanuts. "Oh no. The pilot and co-pilot are dead. At least we still have the stewardess." I did learn one thing after seeing her picture. Small flights always get the ugly flight attendants.
Now, a heartwarming story involving drunks. A bunch of bar flies chipped in to buy their one legged buddy a new scooter after he was run over by a horse drawn carriage hijacked by some drunk chick. No, I'm not making that up.
And in another booze related story, a woman has been charged with a crime because her 18 year old son was drinking beer at her home. Let me point out, this wasn't for providing alcohol to a minor. This was for letting a minor drink at her home. Let's cut the crap. By every other definition, her son is an adult. He can vote, go to war and most stupidly, be tried as an adult for "underaged" drinking. I've always thought the 21 year old drinking age was dumb when the age of adulthood for everything else is 18, and this does nothing but reinforce it.
Amtrak now has a special service that gives certain passengers a $100 credit worth of alcohol on overnight trips. I want to know when the government is going to start subsidizing my drinking.
Rumors came out that in the past astronauts flew on shuttle missions drunk or hungover. I have my doubts about how much there really is to the story especially since they don't mention whether it's the pilots or just crew members. Charles Krauthammer has the best defense of them as he points out that being strapped to a giant roman candle would make a lot of people want a drink. I would just add that astronauts routinely have to spend time in space with Russian cosmonauts and must keep proper standards.
Someone played a pretty cruel joke (or didn't want to use their own picture) by taking a photo from a site set up for a missing woman and using it on dating sites for seniors and lesbians. So, either they are dickheads or ugly losers. However, some good did come from this. Using one of the links, I hooked up with an 82 year old woman.
You know, I've been drunk. And bored. And horny. Sometimes all at once. But having sex with a traffic sign would be pretty far down the list of things I want to do.
While rapidly falling, making out with a topless Britney Spears would still be on the doable list (after making her gargle with bleach). I'm just curious why Us Weekly thought her playing topless truth or dare was front page info. That's pretty mundane for her. In fact, she'd probably have to do something pretty extreme like trying to mount Michaelangelo's David (or the Washington Monument) to regain my interest.
Rosanne Barr says an intern was responsible for some indelicate remarks posted on her blog. Then she said a sex tape was stolen. I just threw up in my mouth. On further reflection, this has got to be a joke (please God, make it be a joke). I wouldn't put it past someone to have sex with Roseanne Barr (there are freaks everywhere), but I can't imagine they would allow their shame to be taped.
Singer Ricky Martin has announced that he wants to adopt a bunch of children. "One from each continent" even. How.....trendy. I guess he doesn't want to start a family the old fashioned way because that would mean touching icky women.
Now, my job isn't preparing trysts for pandas, but if it was, I would probably check to make sure the daddy panda had a penis before shipping it to another country to knock up a female panda. Sure, putting two females together might allow them to have a little drunken weekend lesbo fun that they'll later blame on college experimentation, but when your object is to make little pandas, it probably would work better with pandas of the opposite sex. I did notice in the article that "the penis of an adult male panda is only about 3 cm long" which makes me feel better. Because it would explain the mistake, not because I have a..........forgot that last remark. It's an interesting biological factoid, and probably explains why breeding pandas is hard. Yeah, that's what I meant.
Some good news for whoremongering tourists. The World Famous Mustang Ranch has reopened Nevada for a little legal prostitution. Get a little nookie (and probably a t-shirt) on your next vacation. Of course, I always liked stories about the Mustang Ranch because the 1990 IRS seizure proved my basic belief in government bureaucratic competence. They couldn't run a whorehouse. One concern I would have about the re-opening of the place is that it mentioned a hooker returning who worked there previously. It was closed in like 1997. New wallpaper. New furniture. Old whores. Not that I would go there. I'm too cheap to begin with, let alone with a "name brand" premium.
Not like Pikeville where a guy could get a 15 year old by paying some woman's bills. Can't really figure out how the woman could control access to jailbait since there doesn't seem to be a family basis. Further study indicates that prostitution may not really be the cause as the man says he was banging the teenager, but not paying for it. Which actually seems to be true since the guy is being charged with third degree rape which is simply statutory rape. I assume forcible rape would be the crime if he was paying an adult for "access" to a minor. So, it could just be a typical Eastern Kentucky dating situation. Well, not that typical since they don't mention the dude being related to the 15 year old.
4 years ago
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