NFL News

Well, I wonder if any major pro football news hit the wire today. The Broncos traded an underachieving player to an underachieving team. By underachieving, I mean lousy. The Dolphins have picked Trent Green as their starting quarterback over some guy named Cleo Lemon who may or may not have a psychic hotline in the offseason. I'm sure the fact they gave up a draft pick and gave Green a $13.5 contract had nothing to do with the decision. The Rams haven't made a decision on their starting center.

Oh, some guy named Vick is planning to plead guilty to some dogfighting thing. To tell the truth, I was very curious how Vick would handle the plea offer. Common sense says take the plea. A bunch of dead dogs are dug up on your property and seven people are going to testify against you. Your only real shot of winning is to point out that the people testifying against you are scumbags. Unfortunately, some of them are long time friends, so it's hard to call them scumbags without people thinking you're a scumbag too. Especially when you really are a scumbag. So, take the plea and serve a couple of years instead of getting sentenced to a longer term when you are convicted.

So, why did it take so long to take the deal? Easy. With Vick, you've got the football contract issue. If he doesn't play this year due to a prison sentence, the Falcons can get signing bonus money back from him and void his contract. And that's just a start. Rumor has it that the feds offered a recommendation of 12 to 18 months if Vick pleads guilty, but the judge can make it longer, and word is the judge is a hard ass on sentencing. I could easily see an 18 month sentence which will kill two seasons of football. Add to it the almost certain year long suspension the NFL would give him, and you've lost three years of football for Vick. Considering the fact that Vick relies on his speed and athleticism for his career, a three year absence will hurt. Working out in prison normally consists of walking around an exercise yard, lifting weights or making weaker prisoners your bitch. He won't be able to work on his speed or passing, and he already sucks as a passer. And he'll probably take up smoking because that's prison currency. So, with his one "unique" abilities eroded by time and carcinogens, teams would be hesitant to sign him simply for football reasons.

So, why take the deal? Because he was going to lose the case, and if he didn't take the plea, they would have added more charges which would have most likely included gambling charges. Those would weigh more heavily with the NFL than dogfighting. Take the plea and act contrite. Hope the judge gives you a year or less. Hope the NFL runs your suspension concurrent with your prison time. Get out in time to sign a new contract before your speed goes and you have only your laughably inept passing ability to depend on. Plus, you are also rehabilitating your reputation. As others have noticed, Vick isn't just taking a plea, he's already accepted responsibility, so he's admitted to doing it. He's hoping the public will accept his contrition and give him a second chance. Public gives you a second chance, and teams won't be afraid to sign you.

Will it work? I really don't think so. For one, I think three years out of football is much more likely than one. It wouldn't surprise me if the NFL suspension is longer because Vick lied to the commissioner earlier this year by telling him he wasn't involved. Plus, running an illegal gambling ring really has to be seen as a major violation of the NFL's gambling policy. I also don't think forgiveness will be what Vick gets from the plea. In fact, I think it will be the opposite. If his agreement admits to killing under performing dogs, I think he will be toxic to any team when he gets out. Defenders won't be able to say he was screwed by the system. He admitted. I think he was highly overrated already. Add the declining skills and I can't see any team that wasn't absolutely desperate for a quarterback taking a chance. People love their dogs. Who is going to alienate a large chunk of their fan base for a quarterback with a career 53.8 completion percentage? PETA won't let it go. Vick's been their biggest fund raising tool ever. You'll have to hire extra security because of the nutsacks from the wackjob wing of the animal rights movement. They've attempted to firebomb eye doctors at UCLA for using animal tests to attempt to cure eye disease. What will they do to some guy killing dogs for fun and profit? I still can't believe someone would be dumb enough to risk a humongous contract just to fight dogs. There's dumb, moronic, stupid, incredibly stupid, completely retarded, but Vick has surpassed that level of brain dead.

Fortunately, Vick isn't the only NFL story out there. Personally, I would like to discuss how the Steelers will do this year under a new coach, how many Bengals will get arrested by week four, how many other pregnant chicks will claim Tom Brady is the father of their unborn child and will New England shills blame his paternity leave for the Patriots not winning the Super Bowl this year? Or I could write about how good my fantasy football team should be or how bad Phil's will be. Actually, contrary to popular belief, I'm not a huge hardcore fantasy football freak. Ask anyone in the league how I feel about the trophy that certain members of the league bought. I do like fantasy football, but I've discovered there are some really sick bastards out there involved in fantasy sports. According to an ESPN The Magazine article, there are at least four (pay) websites that will adjudicate disputes in a league. Obviously, the TRU Fantasy Football League does not need such a service because I rule with an iron hand, and I'm always right.

I had high hopes for the Monday Night Football broadcast when ESPN kicked Joe Theismann to the curb and brought in Ron Jaworski. Jaws has been fine, but unfortunately Tony Kornheiser is still in the booth. I really prefer my in game commentary to have a point and not sound like it's on a third grade level. Of course, ESPN screwed up the Monday Night countdown the same way. They got rid of loud, stupid and irritating Michael Irvin and replaced him with loud, stupid and irritating Keyshawn Johnson. Then they threw in Emmitt Smith who is apparently so dumb that he listed seventh year veteran Travis Henry as a rookie he thinks will make an impact.

Not that other networks are immune from gross stupidity. On NBC, Cris Collinsworth and Tiki Barber declared they could only come up with ten quarterbacks in the league that they would trade Eli Manning for. My first thought was they may have a point because the NFL is awash in mediocre quarterbacks. Then I started listing ones I would definitely trade Manning for. Off hand, there's the other Manning, Brady, Roethlisberger, Palmer, Brees, Bulger, Hasselbeck (Matt version), and Rivers. That's eight off the top of my head. Vince Young and Matt Leinart have more upside, so throw them in. That's ten. So, does that mean they are right? Not really. To begin with, they were defending Eli by saying there were only ten, but he was a number one overall pick which means there shouldn't be ten players who are worth trading for him. Plus, when you talk trade, you have to factor other things in. Chad Pennington, Alex Smith, JP Losman and even Rex Grossman are on about the same level as Eli so the Giants wouldn't be willing to admit a mistake and trade him away for them. Plus, guys like Brett Favre and Steve McNair are probably better than Eli, but their age means they aren't tradeworthy for a quarterback Eli's age. Hell, I would throw Jon Kitna and Trent Green in that category. So, it's still safe to safe Eli sucks as a number one pick.