More News Of The Week

Here's an idea for Civics classes in our high schools. Instruct your students that if you engage in a gang assault on another student and knock her unconscious, trying to convince the authorities that you were justified because she said mean things about you on MySpace probably won't work. Oh, and video taping it (and not destroying the tape when the cops start sniffing around) just isn't too bright either. Little hard to deny your involvement at that point. You would think with all the cop shows on that these morons would realize just what great evidence an actual video of a crime would be.

Those girls in Tampa should consider themselves lucky. At least they're alive to become Big Bertha of Cell Block D's girlfriend. Two stupid bimbos in LA had their robbery attempt foiled when the cab driver sped away from their armed boyfriend (who was outside the cab while these geniuses were inside). The next step was to slash the cabbie with box cutters until he crashes the cab. And now they are dead.

Too bad high school students aren't the only stupid ones. A high school teacher in Texas tried to marry a 17 year old student at his school. Yeah, real bright. Try denying that one. "Yes, I married a student, but it doesn't mean we're having sex" (which a lot of married couples would actually agree with that possibility).

Maybe he should move to Australia where they could have this possible headline "Man reunites with daughter after 30 years. Impregnates her. Twice."

I wasn't going to say much about the Barak-Obama-has-a-bigoted-anti-America-preacher thing. To begin with, it was old news to me since these stories were out there long before "real journalists" "discovered" it. Second, Michelle Obama has certainly branched into the anti-American arena, so it makes sense that she got it honestly. And to be honest, I wasn't really surprised the guy didn't like whites or Jews. He did give an award to Louis Farrakhan. Actually, I think the parts of his sermons that really got me were two things. One, his use of crude, sexual jokes (Bill & Monica) and personal name-calling (calling Condaleeza Rice "Condaskeeza) may have a place somewhere (blogs are good), but seem to be a bit much for the pastor of a church. Two, when talking about 9/11, the bad Reverend Wright spoke of "chickens coming home to roost" to basically say we deserved it. What made it worse was just how giddy he seemed to be over the fact.

Still, I was going to ignore it until I heard another "pundit" proclaim Obama's bravery because he made some "candid" speech on race where he said it was white people's fault or something along those lines. How could anyone think Obama's speech was brave? The main appeal of his candidacy is that he supposedly above race. So, finding out that a man who mentored Obama for years could be a bit bigoted might be a problem for it. What else was Obama supposed to do? He had to give the speech. The real problem for Obama is not so much that people might think he hates white people. It's that he's been running as "a different kind of candidate", and this speech could counteract that little image. Why? First off, he proved he would do anything to win this race by trashing his grandmother (the woman who took him in after his father abandoned him and his mother left the country) as being just as racist as Wright. Because she was supposedly afraid she might get mugged by a black man. Which she was right about. She just didn't know the mugging would be verbal and by her grandson.

Still, the worst thing for Obama is that he came out as a liar. Sure, Hillary Clinton lies all the time, but that's pathological. Not only do we know she lies, but we expect it. Besides, she doesn't claim to be something new and special. Oprah said something to the affect that Obama won't just tell the truth, he knows how to be the truth. No, he's a friggin' liar. First he said that he didn't hear Wright's "controversial" sermons. Then in his speech, he admitted that he had. Then he said he disagreed with them, but he stayed because Wright was like a family member who you can't disown. Yet, he was perfectly willing to bring his young children to listen to those sermons that he says he condemns. Then later, he goes so far as to say he would have left if Wright wasn't retiring. Really? After 20 years, he's finally almost maybe had enough. Next thing you know, they're going to find out Obama is doing other things "typical politicians" do like trying to exploit government treasury for personal gain, stretch the truth on political donors, lie about how color blind his campaign is or get involved in a shady land deal.

Besides, Obama can't bowl. He recently rolled a 37 which was the worst bowling performance I've seen in at least the past two weeks. Gotta admit that it was pretty funny to see how many people defended his performance by pointing out that bowling is a white guys' thing which is odd because I've been a league bowler for years and there are many blacks in the bowling leagues. I just can't believe his handlers were that stupid. If you're going to do a photo-op at a bowling alley, doesn't it make sense to make sure he knows how to bowl even a little bit?

When I go, this is how I want my funeral to be. With a stripper.

Postmen can be such wussies. Some Wisconsin postal carriers are running into a problem where wild turkeys are trying to mate with them. They're fighting them off with squirt guns which is surprising since assault rifles are usually the choice of arms for postmen.

At least they don't have to fool with cobras. Some idiot in South Africa was bitten by a Cape cobra which is the third time he's been bitten by a highly venomous snake. He seems to be oblivious to the fact that having poisonous snakes living in your bedroom might lead to bad things. He probably dates hookers and wonders why his junk is burning.

I'm glad some student is doing something useful in college.

Ah, sibling love. A Santa Fe man was trading his sister to his drug dealer to pay off his heroin debt. I would write more, but I'm off to get some smack.