The Keeneland Spring Meet

I think I've mentioned before how much I like Keeneland. It's got it all. Gambling. Cold Beer. Really good beef franks at the concession stands. Degenerate gamblers in their wives' housecoats who are betting away the rent money (which makes me feel better about myself). Oh, and women in revealing outfits no matter how cold it is. Opening day was chilly, rainy and windy, but the women were not going to wear a coat to cover up what they were wearing. Sadly, the weather meant the crowd was one of the worst opening days I've ever seen. Hell, it was worse than some Wednesday I've been to. So, the number of women in skimpy clothing was down, but not their desire to show a lot of themselves, God bless them.

Actually, I find a lot of the attire to be quite amusing. Unless I've gotten a ticket in one of the dining rooms, I'm not wearing anything different. Blue jeans, button down shirt (need the pocket to hold my tickets), sneakers (I'm on my feet all day, I will be comfortable) and possibly a ballcap if it's sunny or raining. Then I look at others. Women in very expensive dresses who are also wearing flip-flops (and yes, a friend had to point this out to me because my gaze rarely goes that far down). Very common on college scholarship day. Not so much on Military Day. Then, there are the college men who like to wear their Sunday finest. With sneakers. And quite often a cigar because they think it makes them look like a Big Shot rather than a homeless bum. And the cigar usually shows their lack on knowledge on the varying quality of cigars because it smells like they are smoking a turpentine soaked synthetic rope. And finally, there is the poor sap who wears a three piece suit on a very warm day. And then finds himself in line behind the degenerate gambler in his wife's housecoat whose hasn't bathed in a week. Bet he's never felt more high class.

Still, it's the racing. Well, except for the 17th when they bring the steeplechase crap out there. Or on Blue Grass Stakes day when it gets really crowded and my claustrophobia kicks in causing me to push little kids over the rail. Really, I wish they would do what Hollywood Park does and begin Friday's racing in the evening. I would go every Friday and not have to use vacation time. Instead, I have to take two half days because I want to go to opening day and the Maker's Mark Mile. It's probably a good thing that I'm too lazy to wait in line for a Maker's Mark Keeneland bottle or I'd have to use a full day to get it signed. Or maybe not since this year it's a commemorative Joe B. Hall bottle. Which is a step up from the last two which commemorated Rupp's Runts and The Unforgettables. With all the championship team's in UK's history, it seems a little strange to me that you would commemorate two teams that didn't win it all. In the case of The Unforgettables, they didn't even make the Final Four. In the case of Rupp's Runts, their loss to Texas Western led to UK (fairly or not) being labeled a bastion of racism.

Still, it's the racing. Okay, I like to watch horses race, but it wouldn't be as much fun without the gambling. Ironically, this past weekend was one of my best ever as I'm up almost $600 from Friday and Saturday alone (don't ask for a loan, I'm sure I'll lose it back before the end of the meet), and yet, it proved again that you're never going to win at this game. Over half of my winnings came from one $4 bet. I'm looking at race one and think the #11 horse is a monster who should win, but he's going off at even odds. Those suck, so I'll throw a couple of bucks on the #9 horse who looks decent (he wasn't). Hey, my grandmother's favorite jockey (they used to live in the same apartment complex in Louisville) is riding the #12 horse who is long odds at 15-1. His history says he'll go to the front, but won't hold the lead. Still, he might hold up for third so I throw a show bet on him in case he hits the board. Now, I like to do a Daily Double (for novices, that's picking the winner of the first two races), so I quickly look up a horse in the second race and pick a horse that's not the favorite but looks to have a pretty good shot. I do a $2 bet with the #9 and #12 (as a complete afterthought) from race one over the #5 from race two (2 horses in race one means the ticket cost me $4). Then during the race one post parade I begin getting second thoughts about the #5 horse in race two and the #9 looks like crap on his way to the gate, but it's too late to change. So, I'm stuck with a ticket that I don't think has a chance in Hell of winning.

How does it play out? In race one, the #12 gets the lead (as I expected), but I doubt he can hang on. The #9 might as well have stayed in the damned barn. As they come down the stretch, the favored #11 is coming on the outside and the #3 is running a monster race and coming on the inside. I'm just hoping to collect the show bet. The jockey on the #3 screws up by whipping the horse on his left side causing his horse to go wacky (seriously, this horse looked drunk). The #3 bolts to his right plowing into the #11 who he's knocks the Hell out of twice. The #11 doesn't want to keep running, but the #3 rights himself and runs down the #12 to win. Or did he? They have these rules in horse racing. You can't plow into other horses. So, the #3 is disqualified giving the #12 the win. The #12 couldn't beat the #3 even after the #3 had two collisions. The #12 probably couldn't hold off the #11 without the collisions. Got all that? I've got a Daily Double ticket with a 15-1 shot on top of what is becoming a 10-1 shot in the second race. And I'm not that happy, because I really don't like the #5 horse in the second race. Until he wins. That $4 ticket pays out $341 dollars.

I won $341 only because my grandmother's former neighbor was riding a horse that lost to a DQed horse that took out the favorite which was then followed by a horse winning that I may not have picked if I had more time to handicap the race. And yes, if you're ever talking horse racing with me, that story will probably come up. Contrast it with my friend who had $100 on a horse in another race. He did his due diligence and knew he had the best horse which finished first. It was disqualified for squeezing in on a horse that was fading. Sometimes you just can't beat this game.