Consumer Protection for Whoremongering and Other Stories

I'm not saying you shouldn't hire a hooker if you're so inclined. However, it is illegal in most jurisdictions. So, when you don't get the full service that you expect, don't call the cops. They just won't be that understanding. Actually some stuff I don't understand. A BJ was only worth $40 while a boobie flash was $20? Now I don't hire hookers (seriously, I don't), but if the fee schedule has a BJ only $20 more than seeing some boobs, I think you should expect a scam.

Hey, another hooker story. With a British spree killer. Some Thai hooker slept with a man who was going to marry her best friend. But don't worry. Her friend is also a Thai hooker so it's not really cheating. Then the dude went and killed 12 people a bit later. However, when I read the story, the only thing I could think was "Good God, what is wrong with her eye?"

I missed this story when it first happened. Albert (calling him Fat Albert is too easy) Haynesworth has been Mike Shanahan's whipping boy in Washington because he is one of the highest paid players in the league but skipped offseason workouts because he didn't like taking a contract bonus and then being moved to nose guard by a new staff. Well, Haynesworth says a $100 million contract doesn't make him a slave. He's right. Slaves don't get paid. That's kind of the definition, moron. But signing the document makes you a contract man. Meaning you have to play to get paid. Dickhead.

Speaking of athletes, I didn't say much about LeBron James because it's NBA and I don't really care much. But I thought it was ridiculous for him to say racism was a reason people thought poorly of him. What did he really expect to happen after he announced he would move to the Miami Heat. I don't have an issue with the decision. I wouldn't want to play in Cleveland. After all, it is Cleveland. Plus, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh would play with him in Chicago or Miami, but there was no chance on them going to Cleveland with James. The problem is he looked like an arrogant ass by holding an hour long TV special to announce his decision. Cleveland fans especially have a right to be angry as they were so publicly spurned. Plus James waited very late to make the decision, possibly hurting their chances with other free agents. But maybe not. It's still Cleveland. He didn't even have the courtesy to personally tell Cleveland's owner who gave him a ton of money and let James do whatever he wanted while he was there. When you let your confidence move to arrogance and throw in an incredible sense of entitlement, you may lose some of your fans.

But it's not race. Because we see the same situation with Brett Favre. I used to be a huge Favre fan, but that ended and it wasn't when he went around taking pictures of his junk (he's okay with TSA scanners). It was when he began the whole I'm retiring (as an excuse to change teams) and then lying about it. I have no respect for Favre anymore. I now enjoy seeing him lose because he's been such a jerk. Clearly Favre hasn't had near the backlash of James. Several commentators are still nauseating in their adoration of Favre. But he also won a title which James has yet to do. And while I think a lot of Favre's behavior was trying to get out of training camp, I do also think he wanted to feel the love of team's asking him back. But he wasn't close to the narcissistic spectacle that James gave us.

Father of the year candidate. Some guy in Florida had a visit from the police. In the course of searching his house, they found some stuff. Like liquor bottles in one teenage daughter's bedroom. And marijuana in an ashtray that his other daughter was smoking because he let her smoke pot in the house. Oh, and a stripper pole. I love his line "I can fill the courtroom twice with people who can say how great a dad I am". Of course he doesn't say those people are his daughter's friends who want to come over and get drunk or high and his own pervert friends who want to see his 17 year old daughter grinding on a pole.

Speaking of friends, another guy had a problem with one of his "friends". A guy was hanging out and arguing with an amateur tattoo guy. Asked for a dragon tattoo or something. Instead, he got a penis tattoo on his back, punched in the face and thrown out. Note to self. Don't get your tattoos from an amateur. Definitely don't get them from an amateur you just had a fight with. I like that it says there was a dirty slogan on it with a misspelled word. But it doesn't say the slogan or the word. Piss poor journalism.

Oh this is good. The president of Ohio State University, E Gordon Gee, has come out and said if TCU or Boise State finish undefeated, they still don't deserve a chance to play in the BCS title game. Classy. His argument is that they don't play "murderer's row every week". They play "the Little Sisters of the Poor". Unlike Ohio State who played Marshall, Ohio, and Eastern Michigan (one of the worst teams in America) out of conference. In conference, they played Purdue (sucks), Indiana (lost one game 83-20) and Minnesota (lost to a I-AA school). Yeah, that's half their schedule that would not qualify as "hard". But Gee thinks his Buckeyes should be ahead of those lesser teams. He seems to be forgetting the last two trips to the BCS Championship game that Ohio State made where they were completely dominated. I'm sure the BCS is salivating on seeing Ohio State choke away another big game.

But the fallacy of his argument is that TCU doesn't play a hard schedule so they should get left out. I guess he doesn't think Butler should have been allowed in the NCAA basketball finals because they play in the Horizon Conference. And of course, he's forgetting that TCU and Boise State aren't being given the option of playing in the bigger conferences. Which is why Gee should keep his mouth shut. If you want to say that teams should be restricted for not playing a harder schedule, then they need to get rid of the conferences and even out the strength of schedule so everyone is the same. Plus it would help negate the money advantage that the BCS conference schools by virtue of being there. But then you'll get the next argument that college football is a business so it's proper to restrict these small schools. Good idea because once you admit college football is a business, you have to question whether they deserve tax exempt status. However, that also renders Gee a complete hypocrite because he mentions his time in the SEC. Well, he was at Vanderbilt. Vandy has not made hardly any effort to improve their football program in years. While TCU and Boise State have worked hard to build an excellent team, Vandy loses a lot but still draws a big check just for being in a conference with good, money producing teams. So let's restrict programs who are trying to be good and let scofflaws like Vandy suck up revenue without contributing anything but easy wins for the big boys.