New of the Week

A county in Florida was considering putting up security cameras on the beaches to deter people from having public sex. Then they decided it would be too expensive to maintain. Obviously they didn't think this through. With all the wackjob exhibitionists out there, they probably would have had people going to this beach just to have sex in front of the cameras. Then the county could sell the videos to porn sites and have money to pay for the cameras.

Speaking of public sex, a cop in Denver lost his job over having sex with a prostitute in a Taco Bell bathroom. Considering what Taco Bell does to people, that's probably not the dirtiest thing to ever happen in that bathroom. This guy was a genius. What a great idea. Throw a 13 year career literally down the toilet by screwing a whore at a Taco Bell.

There's been some controversy over the process of waterboarding, but I've found a case where it would be appropriate. National Guardsman gets called up for active duty in Iraq. Wife cheats on him, blows all his money and then welcomes him home with divorce papers. I like how her lawyer says "there's two sides to every story". I would really love to hear her side. Maybe he was too distant while overseas. Maybe she has a medical condition to where her legs won't stay closed. I'm not sure that being a slut is really "a side to a story".

And here's a story just as pleasant. Two teenage girls made their parents proud by robbing a 9 year old girl scout. Even better, they came back and taunted the girl and said they weren't sorry. In fact, they seemed rather pissed that being caught was such an inconvenience. One did later apologize, but you could smell the BS through your computer screen. She probably realized how really stupid it is to confess to a crime on TV when the DA is still deciding whether to press charges. Really, at this point, what's to decide? Try them as adults and put them in a cell with the meanest prison lesbo you can find. And waterboard their parents. If I had done this, there's no way I would have been able to drive back to the scene of the crime since I would no longer have a car. I would consider myself lucky my dad wouldn't make me go back and help sell the cookies. Wearing a girl scouts uniform.

Nice to see the Church of England is trying to lead the way in England's surrender to Eurabia. The Archbishop of Canterbury seems to think a little Sharia law would be good for England. After all, it's working wonders in so many other places. I wonder if he realizes this leadership is why there are probably more practicing Anglicans in Nigeria than England.

Really, what's the worst that can happen if Sharia is instituted in England? Subjugated women abused to death with the willing negligence of family members? Too bad that's already going on, but at least right now, it's still illegal.

Granted, England has become very proficient at kow-towing to others. The latest was to make British Olympians sign a contract saying they wouldn't criticize the Chicoms who are hosting the Olympics. Funny, I don't remember anyone forcing their Olympic athletes to sign forms agreeing not to criticize the U.S. when the Olympics were held here. I've always thought having the Olympics in totalitarian countries seemed to go against the Olympic ideal. How naive are the schmucks who make these decisions? They seem to think letting dictators have the Olympics will "open" those countries. Worked real well with Germany in 1936. It's working real well in China now. They're rounding up dissidents and locking them up.

It shouldn't be too surprising that England is having these troubles. They've got some sick bastards over there. A man on trial for murdering a model is using the defense that she had already been murdered when he decided to rape the corpse. On a public sidewalk. And besides, a quarter of people there don't believe Winston Churchill really existed. For my American readers, let me assure you that Abraham Lincoln was a real person. What makes this worse is that half the Brits actually think Sherlock Holmes did exist.

That's probably why their best exports to this country seem to now be drug addled singers. Well, Amy Winehouse hasn't actually been exported since she couldn't attend the Grammy's due to her rehab schedule. One good thing could come from it. Kelly Osbourne wants her to move in with that dysfunctional family. Sounds like a good excuse to bring back the reality show, although listening to Winehouse try to converse with Ozzy would probably kill brain cells.

England did manage to export the Spice Girls back, but thankfully that little episode is over. Actually, the only reason I linked that article is because there is a picture of one of them grabbing another's boob, and as I said on the ski trip post, I'm big on the hands on boobage.

I probably shouldn't be so harsh about the British since this country's got it's share of idiots and wackjob. San Jose State has decided to ban blood drives because gay men are still considered high risk so they can't donate. Now, I hate needles so anything that can be done to broaden the blood supply that doesn't involve me is a good thing, but I think San Jose State is missing the big picture. How stupid is it to lessen blood availability over this? Since homosexuals aren't banned from receiving blood, they'll be in the same boat as non-homosexuals if there isn't enough blood. Always nice to see public universities use rational decision making techniques.

Then there's this genius who posted an ad to sell pot on Craigslist. I guess he was too lazy to take an ad out in the local newspaper.

Or the mother of the year who decided that she wasn't willing to drive drunk unless her case of beer was safely buckled up. Yet, she was willing to let her one year old daughter roam loose in the back seat. Normally, I'm all for making beer safety a priority, but even I have my limits.

Then there is our "celebrity" story of the week. Amy Fisher (who should be exported, for good), fresh off promoting the "celebrity" sex tape that no one wanted, has given an interview where she admitted to recently having vomit inducing sex with Joey Buttafuoco (God, I hope that video never gets out). Oh, and she doesn't have any sympathy for the woman she shot in the head several years ago. Why? Because Mary Jo Buttafuoco made more money off the "incident" than Fisher did. What a tragedy that the attempted murderess made less money than her victim.

And finally, some woman wrote the 10 things you (meaning men) shouldn't say to women. The whole article is pretty eye-rolling, but a couple stood out for me. Number three is don't say "Relax" (I'm assuming this isn't the Frankie Goes To Hollywood instruction while engaging in sodomy), because it might lead the woman to "think we're being irrational over nothing." A woman being irrational over nothing? Yeah, that never happens. But my favorite is number five where a man shouldn't question whether a woman might be a feminist, because she will be offended by it. Even if she is a feminist. Actually, my favorite part was the line that went "Be kind, open the door, offer to pay and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity." Well, how friggin' charitable of you. To think, she would actually allow me to pay for her dinner. How can the guys that woman dates be so stinking lucky?