Catching Up On Risque Stories

As mentioned in the last posting, I haven't had time to update this so I have a long list of news stories that I haven't had a chance to get to. I'll start with the dirty ones.

I liked the result of this story because it establishes the legal precedent that staring at a woman's knockers doesn't constitute sexual harrassment. Not that I have to worry about such things as I would never engage in such unprofessional behavior. Unless she was stacked. Actually, I don't believe either of them. I don't believe the man stared because he had a medical condition that led to a wandering eye. However, I also don't believe her when she said it was so bad that she had to go change clothes during the day. If you knew he was going to stare and were that uncomfortable about it, don't wear something that lets you boobage hang out.

Now here's another story involving a lawsuit. A Canadian stripper is suing for age discrimination because she was let go when the club she was working at decided to go younger. Sorry. When it comes to a profession where appearance is so important, looking old can be a hindrance. So, it's not really age discrimination. It's looking aged. Sure, when a woman is rubbing her butt up against your crotch, you may not be looking for crow's feet around her eyes, but if you do see it, you may not go back. Unless that's what you're into.

With their scat porn, you would think Germany would have most of the European sexual dysfunction. Nope. France has prude nudists. I usually stay clear of nudist stories because most nudists are people I would prefer to see in clothes, but sometimes they are funny. A nudist hangout has had a rash of fires at swinger clubs, and it's being blamed on nudists who are offended by the swingers' behavior. I guess it's a difference of opinion on whether it's better to dangle it or pass it around.

At a Bills game a few weeks ago, a couple got busted for having sex in the women's restroom. I like how they termed it "inappropriate". My defense would be that there's been a lot of inappropriate behavior on the field by Buffalo the past few years. Actually, I've been to a lot of football games and that's not near as inappropriate as some behavior I've been exposed to. Someone took a massive dump at one of the Commonwealth Stadium bathrooms while I was there for a game, and the ventilation was bad. I thought I was going to die. In fact, when I ran into Joker Phillips at McCarthy's on St. Patrick's Day, I lodged a complaint with him about that. Tried to pass it off as not being his responsibility. Loser.

Disgraced former governor of New York, Dave ........I mean Eliot Spitzer, won't be charged for being a "john" to a overpriced whore. I like how the excuse not to charge him is that he didn't use public or campaign funds. Sorry, the Mann Act makes it illegal to take women across state lines for whoring. The federal government has a long history of making examples of high profile criminals to deter others from engaging in that behavior. Why does Spitzer get a pass?

Some church dude in England had to go to the hospital with a potato stuck in his ass. Great excuse. Naked curtain hanging followed by falling on a potato. Please. You need a better excuse than that. Just claim you lost a bar bet. Or you were hiding it because you thought the Irish were coming to steal your potatoes.

Also in England, a town councillor is resigning because she gets no respect from her fellow councillors due to the fact that she's also a stripper. Why is always the strippers that we must attack? Actually, looking at her picture, I'm sure she could quit. I don't think she's making that much money from it.

ARod's ex is pissed that he's dumping the children in order to spend Thanksgiving with Madonna. I'm not going to question his parenting because his kids are better off without him with that kind of judgment, but come on. Madonna has become gross. Screwing the turkey would probably be more fun.

And let's end with some school related stories. Beginning with a bus driver who offered some cheerleaders $40 to lift their shirts. How dumb was he? Don't proposition them en masse. Ask around and find out which ones are going to be willing to do it. Don't ask them in front of their more prudish friends. And make sure they're 18 so you don't have legal hassles. There are certain methods to being a pervert.

See, this guy is in trouble because he latched onto a 17 year old. He's a teacher who was messing around with a runaway who happened to be found in his closet. He told the police he didn't know where she was. He could be telling the truth. I don't know how those teenage girls ended up in my closet. Or who tied them up.

And finally, a former porn actress was found to be working as a teacher's aide at an elementary school. Some people think she should be fired because they want role models as employees, but since it wasn't illegal, the school board is worried about a lawsuit. Since it's an elementary school, I doubt she's going to try to enlist the students into the business. Plus, if elementary students know what she did previously, you got bigger issues. Now, what I found really funny about the story is that she pointed out that "our president-elect has admitted to doing crack". Even if she wasn't making a valid point, it would still be funny because of the way the reporter handled it. She felt it was important to point out that Barak Obama's admission was for cocaine, not specifically crack. Because admitting to using blow is no big deal, but that crack stuff would be a real problem.

Pittsburgh Trip

As mentioned before, I recently took a trip to Pittsburgh to watch Louisville play Pitt and the Steelers against the Colts. All the traveling has made it tough for me to keep up with the blog. Even though both teams lost, only one of them pissed me off. At least the Steelers played a good game. Louisville didn't do squat. Kind of reminds of the entire Louisville season. Still, the trip was fun. Pittsburgh is an interesting city, especially if you like hills and traffic problems. You know you have hills when your trolley runs up and down. Half the buildings are built on hillsides and seem to be about to fall off. I realize that a city its age with so many hills would have traffic problems, but I've never seen a place like this. If they had traffic engineers, those guys were on crack. Intersections were rarely perpendicular. They'd go off in odd directions. Streets would be one way until they became one way going the other way. Sometimes it'd be one way with a side lane going the other way, but only for buses. Or you'd be on a four lane interstate that had four exits at one time, but since another interstate is feeding into it, you have everyone in a Chinese fire drill trying to get into the proper lane. Even better were three way intersections that I ran into on side streets. The main road had the two stops signs. Alleys turning onto that road didn't. So, you have to stop if you're driving straight, but people making hard right turns got to go whenever they wanted. Interesting concept.

Now, in one way, the traffic patterns were fine. I got out of the stadium really easy for both games. Even with a full house for the Steelers, I was on the highway out of town 10 minutes after getting to my car. I did ask the guy next to me if it'd be a problem. He said I'd be fine since I was on the other side of the river. He said Steelers were good about knowing where to go after the game. The only problem being they're all drunk. That was the good part about where the stadium was. It was right on the river so you park on the other side and walk across a foot bridge to it. Except the bridge moved while people were on it. A lot. Now, there was a problem with the stadium being right on the river. It didn't matter how cold it was. The wind off the river made it colder. The air temperature wasn't that cold at either game. However, when the wind starts cutting through you, it becomes a bit uncomfortable. When you're losing, it really sucks.

The Louisville game was notable for one reason. Not that they quit when faced with a little adversity. I've seen that quite a bit this season. I was in one of the end zone sections and wanted to get a picture of UL's offense in scoring position. I had to settle for the one at the right because they only got into scoring position once. At the other end of the field. No, what got me was the most unnerving thing I've ever seen at a college football game. Keep in mind I have been to a game in Morgantown WV, but what Pitt fans did defied all logic and reason. Between the third and fourth quarter, their entire fanbase stood up and sang along to Neil Diamond's "Sweet Caroline". They even had the words on the jumbotron. I'm still not sure why they began doing it this year. Diamond isn't from Pittsburgh. The song has nothing to do with Pittsburgh or football. Still, they're going to their first bowl game in years. Maybe they're onto something. Maybe "Kentucky Woman" can be sung at UL games. Sure, some hardcore UK fans might object, but they can use "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon" as long as they think it's about their sister.

The Steeler game was a lot better. They did lose in the end because their quarterback didn't want to protect the ball. But the atmosphere was much better. Granted, the fact that I was rooting for the home team in this one certainly made a difference. The Louisville section wasn't too happy for most of that game. Scoring seven points will do that. Steelers' fans were happy most of their game. Probably has to do with leading most of it. And the fact that most were drunk. The fans were pumped up though especially when the defense was on the field. They were loud and the towels were waving. Yet, they had an odd musical tradition too. They had a montage of defensive hits with the Styx song "Renegade" playing behind it. They went apeshit for it. Now, that's not a bad song. It's the only good Styx song (and no I did not forget "Mr Roboto) which means it came from Tommy Shaw. Still, just seems something wrong with using Styx to pump up the crowd.

But it wasn't all a pleasure trip. I also saw some educational sights. Like the Hooters in Huntington. Just kidding. No way do I stop in West Virginia. But I did go visit Fort Pitt which was right next to the stadium and was open on Sunday so I could tour it before the Steelers game. Fort Pitt was a military installation established by the French (then called Fort Duquesne) to protect the fur trade until the British captured it from the dirty Frenchman and renamed it. It had a nice demonstration on the fur trade and then I got to explain to a Belgian woman what all the people dressed in black and gold were there for. On the way back, I also stopped at Fort Necessity which was built byGeorge Washington while serving in the British army on an expedition that helped start the French and Indian War after his men shot a bunch of dirty Frenchmen. The fort has been rebuilt which was obviously needed after you look at it. My boy scout troop could have built something like this so it wasn't going to last over 250 years. It was rebuilt in a field that you had to walk from the visitor's center through a forest to get to. I was about a half mile from my car taking a picture from the far side of it when I realized I was wearing a light pullover, no hat or gloves and it was snowing. You begin to realize why most historical sightseeing is done in the summer.

Veterans' Day

I used this for Memorial Day where it does fit better, but as the son, grandson, brother and nephew of veterans, I think it's also important to remember the service men and women who made it back. Their sacrifice should not be forgotten either. Plus, I really like it so I'm using it again.

Finally A News Update

I haven't had a chance to update. Time always gets short during football season. Hell next weekend I'm going to Pittsburgh to pull a double. Seeing Louisville versus Pitt on Saturday. Steelers and Colts on Sunday. Should be a fun trip even if I have to drive through West Virginia.

Just a reminder about next week. If you're voting for the wrong candidate, election day is Wednesday. If you're voting for the right one, it's on Tuesday. I get to open my precinct at 5:30am and spend all day there. Today's polls have shown the race has tightened up again (which could change tomorrow). That's not good for Obama because John McCain is running a terrible race. As I mentioned last week, it would be easy to pin the subprime problems on the Democratic party since their Congressional leadership was pushing affordable housing through Fannie Mae. McCain actually warned three years ago about the problem, while his opponent went another route. He was the second leading recipient of donations from Fannie Mae/Freddie Mac which is actually pretty impressive because that was since 1989 and he's only been in the Senate since he's only been there since 2005.

Another reason it's surprising it's close is that Obama is spending more money in two week periods than McCain can spend the entire general election. The question was who was all this money coming from and The Washington Post (shockingly to me) actually pointed out that the Obama campaign finance team has removed safeguards (like name matching or not allowing prepaid credit cards) from their internet donation system which might keep people who can't donate (maxed out donors, foreigners, etc) from continuing to pour cash into the campaign. It looks 2/3 of his money could be coming through the internet. Now, obviously that isn't all fraudulent, but if the $174K attributed to one woman who actually gave nothing is an indication, there is a lot of illegal cash in there. Now, I wonder if anyone, say back in the summer, mentioned that credit card donations under $200 via the internet were an opening to such financial fraud.

It's nice to see that UK is punishing a student for hanging an effigy of Obama. Just because effigies of candidates from both sides are being hung around the country without those people being arrested is no reason to think UK is exhibiting a double standard. Just because effigies have been a time honored political statement is no reason to think that this is a free speech issue because criticizing Barak Obama apparently doesn't fall under the First Amendment. Sometimes it might lead to government investigations against you if you question the Chosen One. Pardon me if I call BS on UK's reaction to this.

Well, enough about politics. Okay, one more story about politics, but a bipartisan one. The federal government is considering another bailout. This one of the ethanol industry. Why? They are hurt by volatile corn prices. Why are corn prices high? Government subsidies of ethanol has caused corn producers to sell more to ethanol producers which causes prices of corn to go up. Are friggin kidding me? A heavily subsidized industry is failing because of the subsidy so instead of killing the subsidy, the government is thinking of giving out more money? Again, are you friggin' kidding me?

Okay. These people are seriously messed up. A couple in New Mexico were picked up for child abuse. At first, it looked like a routine neglect story with the lack of any human amenities. Then it mentions that the house was full of caged rattlesnakes. If I had been the first responder, I would have gotten everyone out. Okay, I would have given them two minutes to get the Hell out. Then I would torched the place. God, I hate snakes.

Now, in Australia, a spider eats a bird. Let me repeat. A big ass spider catches a bird in its web and eats it. I admit that I have an irrational fear of snakes, but spiders generally don't bother me. As long as they aren't big enough to eat a bird. There would be a serious eradication effort in my back yard if I saw a spider eating a bird.

British women are whores. Which begs the question of why I'm here and not there. Oh yeah, it's in Europe. This is why I think Madonna fit in well in London, cheap British accent notwithstanding. Now, she's getting a divorce from Guy Ritchie who may get a buttload (atypical fiscal term) of money from her. Which I still think he deserves. After all, casting his untalented hag of a wife in a movie almost killed his career which is still on life support.

And Irish men are manwhores. Well, Bono might be. His picture with some bikini clad 19 year olds ended up on Facebook. Although looking at the picture, I have two thoughts. It doesn't look that bad. And he's a star. Couldn't he do better? That line from one of the girls had to be a kick in the balls - "For somebody who's much older than I am ........no thanks." Yeah, hanging out with a wealthy, famous man. What a drag. Hey honey, go back to taking facials from high school dropouts.

For an ad for a smell from Victoria's Secret, hottie Adriana Lima was wearing a $5 million bra. I could make the argument that it really isn't worth that because no one is stupid enough to actually pay that much for it. Or I could make the point that this is really a stupid promotion. But I admit I only linked to it because there is a picture of a hot chick in her underwear.

At a Swedish hockey game, the fans threw dildos on the ice to ridicule an opposing player. For one, I am appalled by this behavior. As mentioned in a previous posting, Sweden has state run pharmacies that sell sex toys. So, these fans were throwing state subsidized rubber wangs on the ice. If the state is going to provide low cost fake willies, they should expect it to be used properly.

A couple of dirty car stories. You know those rear view systems you can put on cars? Some guy in Canada had one and it would pick up porn on certain streets. And he's unhappy (sure he is). I notice the article doesn't mention which street it happens on. Probably doesn't want to be blamed for a traffic jam as a bunch of people with car cameras cruise the block. At least he knows proper behavior in public. Some guy in Michigan got busted for using a car wash vacuum as a sex toy. Here's a thought. Go to Walmart and buy a ShopVac.

Now, I find this story pretty damn sad. A woman is convicted for trying to pimp out her 17 year old daughter. She gets eighteen months. Think about it. Eighteen months for turning your teenage daughter into a whore. Yeah, thanks Mom. Would it have been more if her mom was peddling anal for her? Maybe she has another daughter who was 14 years old and ran off with some 28 year old guy. Probably not, but that's a great story about child raising. Your daughter is 14. She's hanging around a gambling website. She runs away with a guy twice her age she meets on the site. Maybe I need to start hanging around these sites......................I mean, this was appalling behavior on everyone's part.

You know, I read a lot of news, but the term "Fauxmosexuals" was a new one for me. At least until I saw a listing of the top 10 Fauxmosexuals. Apparently a lot of chick celebrities try to get attention by pretending to be lesbians because guys like it and it gets press. As a guy, I was offended by the notion until I remembered that I'd bought drinks for a girl after she made out with her female friend. And it's not like I watched the movie Bound for the plot. Still, I think the inclusion of Anne Heche made the article flawed. Not because she was faking her attraction to Ellen DeGeneres (I think anyone claiming attraction to Ellen is faking). I just don't think Heche is attractive herself so I think they could have found someone better. Now, there was something that was stunning in the part about Heche. It said Ellen was the only sorta-chick that she'd been with and all her other rolls in the hay were men. Including Lindsay Buckingham from Fleetwood Mac. Lindsay Buckingham was a dude?

John Daly is the man. The cops had to come pick his drunk ass up from a Hooters where he passed out at their bar. His popularity has always been based on him being just like the fans. I mean, who among us hasn't gotten so drunk at Hooters that an ambulance has to be called? I do like the fact that the article refers to him as a "recovering alcoholic". Might want to rethink using the term "recovering".

Fifteen pounds. That's how big the burger was some guy in Pennsylvania ate. After reading all the condiments on it, there's no way I could do that. I really don't like banana peppers. I wonder how far Clearfield is from Pittsburgh.

Bailout and Other Stuff

I guess $700 billion doesn't go as far as it used to. Congress passes a $700 billion bailout to stabilize the stock market. The stock market plummets. I wonder how that could happen. Oh, right. The government came up with a plan to fix a problem that began with government meddling in the economy. No reason for that to cause a confidence crisis. For years, the government has pushed the mortgage industry into approving non-credit worthy people for loans so they came up with subprime loans which worked as long as housing prices kept going up. What could go wrong with that? Well, mortgages get bundled into securities and sold or used as collateral. This do fine unless there is a high default rate (relative since we're only talking about 4% of loans defaulting). So, if housing prices fall, you get more defaults which leads to the securities becoming toxic. That means no one knows how many defaulted loans are in the securities so they lose all value and become "illiquid" (companies holding them can't do crap with them). Now, the government's idea isn't a straight up bailout (cash payment) or even a Chrysler/AIG bailout (loans to be repaid. The idea is that the government buys those securities at an auction (at a discounted rate most likely). That injects "liquidity" back into the credit markets. The government then pores over the securities to find what the "value" should be and sells them back to the market. Since they can buy them cheap, the idea that the government might make money off the deal isn't completely out of the realm of possibility (although I wouldn't bet on it). Simplistic explanation and probably not completely accurate (it's a complicated issue).

So, why isn't it working? Who knows. I didn't think it was a good idea. To begin with, there's philosophy. It isn't the government's responsibility to make sure you buy a house you can't afford. Nor is it to make sure everyone "wins". If you take the risks out of the system, it becomes stagnant. Also, Congress was trying to load all kinds of crap in it like allowing the government to take equity in the banks or investment firms if the securities couldn't be resold for a profit. Not to mention an assload of pork. Trust me, having the federal government (the people who make laws and regulations) owning stock in the people they make laws and regulations over could lead to conflicts of interest since they won't own stock in all of them. Another problem is whether or not you believe some minor government bureaucrat will do a better job valuing these securities over someone paid a lot to do it. I don't. But I also don't believe banks will suddenly stop loaning money if the bailout doesn't happen. They may start looking at credit scores (which they should have been doing all along), but banks don't make money if they don't loan money. Now, the biggest problem I had with it was seeing the same people who for years covered for the semi-government organizations (Fannie Mae & Freddie Mac) and pushed for bad loans were now the ones "leading the way" to fix the problem. Especially when one was buggering a Fannie Mae exec while covering for them.

That would be like the chairman of the Ways & Means Committee (they write tax laws) not knowing the tax laws governing himself. Oh, wait......... Although, maybe Charlie Rangel can help AIG pay back their government loans since he got $10 million from AIG for his little narcissistic vanity project, a "center for public service" named after him which should be closed due to fraud.

But Rangel is safe. He's in New York. That's the city where the thought of Sarah Palin has led to general insanity, freakouts, murderous psychosis and possibly yeast infections in city women. Yet, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (who is President of a country that kills women for adultery, gays for ......gayness, and in his dreams Jews for Jewishness) gets a warm welcome there.

Speaking of government stupidity, here's another example of why Johnny Can't Read. A fourth grader was suspended for two days for having a razor blade. Mainly the miniature razor blade that is part of a kiddie pencil sharpener. His pencil sharpener was broken so he used the little piece of metal to sharpen his pencil. The school called the police and then did the suspension. Great quote from someone with the district, "we're always going to do something to make sure the child understands the seriousness of having something that could potentially harm another student, but we're going to be reasonable." Reasonable? Are you completely retarded? Calling the cops and suspending a 10 year old for a little shard of metal is reasonable? A pencil is more dangerous than that piece of metal. Get out of the education field, moron, because you are too stupid to be any help at all.

How did I miss this?

Paul McCartney recently played a concert in Israel. It made news because they were banned from playing back in 1965. My assumption was a fear by the Israelis that they would have to listen to the inane lyrics of I Want To Hold Your Hand, but it may have been something else. Oh, it was also news because a Muslim wackjob threatened to have McCartney killed if he played the show (although I suspect it's out of anger that he didn't bring the rest of Wings with him).

In a related story, the Muslim wackjob has a daughter in London. She's a stripper. Probably not a very good one since she's also on the public dole.

Must be something in the water in London. Two Swedish sisters (yeah, that's why I clicked the link) kept running into traffic on a British highway. And laughably inept traffic cops couldn't seem to stop them. Don't they have tasers in England? If not for the damage they'd do to the cars' front end, I say let them have at it.

At least it'd be better than what this pervert was up to. He was arrested for having sex with a car. And in such a strange way. I would have assumed going for the tailpipe, but he seem enamored with the grill which may say something about what he was packing. They feel the need to point out he was drunk. You know, I've been drunk a few times myself. I don't remember trying to stick my wang into a some part of a car.

Some European Union women's rights committee with too much time on their hand wants to ban any advertising that might reinforce gender stereotypes. Does that mean they shouldn't use women in lipstick commercials because it might lead people to think women are the main buyers of lipstick? Some Swedish prude (my guess is she's the only ugly Swede) is making a big deal. My response? Get a life, bitch.

There are certain things that even I would never consider doing. I think stealing the puppy of a 10 year old with cancer is one of them. The fact that the thieves might have known he had cancer is probably a one way ticket to Hell.

Playboy is laying off staff due to not having any money. The article blames it on the "global economic turmoil". BS. You can find hardcore pornography on the internet. Do you really need to spend your money on a bunch of lame articles mixed in with airbrushed pictures? I read somewhere else (I'm too lazy to look it up) that most of the revenue for the company comes from merchandising rather than magazine. I'm sure they got something from Girls Next Door which probably won't do too well with all his women leaving. Well, I'm sure he can find some more girls with low self-esteem who are willing to suffer a drooling geriatric's egomania to trade their dignity for a chance at long lasting fame that isn't likely to happen.

A new trend seems to be women trying to sell their virginity for big bucks. I realize a legal age virgin is a rarity, but is it really worth that much money? The latest is an Italian model who wants to use the money for acting lessons. If she can convince someone that she's really a virgin but is willing to sell it, she doesn't need acting lessons. I like how her brother defends such a ridiculous story by saying his sister is a "devout Catholic". That's funny. I just assumed she was a whore.

NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE

Here are my predictions for which NFL teams will make the playoffs. Yes, I know the season is two weeks old. I would make the argument that the crapshoot aspect of the NFL means doing your picks before you have a chance to see how offseason changes are affecting the team is rather silly. But I just didn't get around to doing this until now. But there is some truth to that argument. Some teams (think New York Jets) have such a drastic makeover, you really can't gauge how the new parts will work together until you get a look at them. Plus, there could be an injury problem in the first half of the first game that could drastically alter the expectations of that team. Hypothetically, of course. Of course, making predictions like this at any time is silly. If I nail it, I'll gloat in a post about it. If I miss badly, I'll be posting about how much I hate Christmas shopping.

When I say crapshoot aspect of the NFL, I'm talking about the heavy turnover in playoff teams each season. Last year, half the playoff teams (6 of 12) were new. In the NBA, only four new teams made this year's playoff, and that's with 16 teams making their playoffs. So, I figure at least five playoff teams won't make it. A few are easy to toss out. I didn't think Washington was that good last year. Seattle and Jacksonville and Seattle are off to bad starts and have crushing injury problems that won't be solved anytime soon. Tennessee has some issues. But the biggest one of all (at least the biggest reach on my part) is the New York Giants. Yes, I'm predicting the Super Bowl Champs don't make the playoffs. Anyway, here's how I see the divisions breaking down.

NFC
East
Division Winner: Philadelphia - I think the Eagles and Cowboys are about even. However, I think Philly has an easier schedule. They're putting up points without their top receivers so they'll probably get better.
Also In: Dallas - Not far behind the Eagles so they'll make the playoffs. Then Jessica Simpson shows up (hopefully not trashed) and Tony Romo chokes.
Not In: New York Giants - Sure, they won the Super Bowl, but they were hot. They were also the last team in the playoffs, and now Michael Strahan has retired and Osi Somethingorother is out for the year. This team got hot due to pressure defense. That's gone now. Washington - I didn't think they'd make it last year. Clinton Portis will get hurt. The rest of the team is overrated compared to their salary.

North
Division winner: Green Bay - Will Aaron Rodgers look this good all year? Probably not. However, watching him play shows he'll still be good enough. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't Brett Favre and a supporting cast. It was a strong cast making Favre look good.
Also In: Chicago - This team looks a lot like their last Super Bowl team except at quarterback. Running game looks good with Matt Forte. Defense is healthy. Kyle Orton is actually an improvement over Rex Grossman because he's less likely to loss the game on his own.
Not In: Minnesota - Good defense. Great running back. No quarterback. No playoffs. Detroit - They suck.

South
Division winner and only team in: Carolina - They won their first two without Steve Smith. Good defense. Strong running game (even before rookie stud Jonathan Stewart). Jake Delhomme a quality quarterback because the league doesn't have many quality quarterbacks.
Not In: New Orleans - Great offense. Great fantasy team. Deuce McAllister is coming off a major injury. Reggie Bush isn't an every down back. Their defense still sucks. Lots of points scored. Lots of points given up. Tampa Bay - Got in last year because Delhomme was hurt and New Orleans blew it. Now they're benching Jeff Garcia for Brian Griese. Quick trip to the bottom. Atlanta - They suck. Too bad they can't play Detroit every week.

West
Division winner and only team in: Arizona - Kurt Warner, Anquan Boldin, Larry Fitzgerald. This team can put up points. The rest of the division sucks. Someone has to win it.
Not In: Seattle - Gotta go back something like 5 years since Seattle didn't win the division. Most years, no one else was worthy. When your leading receiver is a tight end I've never heard of and you're signing Billy McMullen and Keary Colbert as possible starters, you're in trouble. When you bring back serial drunk Koren Robinson, you're screwed. San Francisco - Good quarterback. Decent defense. No receivers. Quarterback absolutely sucks. St. Louis - May be the worst team in the league even though Marc Bulger, Steven Jackson and Torry Holt are proven offensive commodities. Defense is atrocious. Offensive line is horrible. May not win a game.

AFC
East
Division winner: Buffalo - The defense is decent. The quarterback is adequate. Lee Evans is good. Marshawn Lynch is really good. Tom Brady is out.
Also In: New England - Tough call without Brady but they have an easy schedule and already are 2-0. Matt Cassel isn't that good, and they won't hit 18 wins, but 9 should do it. That means they have to go .500 the rest of the way. With their defense and receivers carrying Cassel, that's doable.
Not In: New York Jets - I know they're the chic pick with Brett Favre, but I think the talent in Green Bay hid his age. I think Thomas Jones and Laveranues Coles are pretty good. The rest seem okay. That okay got them 4 wins last year. Favre isn't enough to get them more. Miami - Worst team in the league last year will be better especially if Chad Pennington stays healthy. Still won't get them near the playoffs.

North
Division winner and only team in: Pittsburgh - I'm biased, but realistic. Pittsburgh has as good a shot as anyone to go to the Super Bowl. The defense is good. Quarterback is a whiner, but he can play. Running game is strong. Good receivers. Very complete. My only concern is the offensive line isn't as strong as in the past.
Not In: Cleveland - This team is still pretty good, but they snuck up on people last year and still didn't make the playoffs. They aren't really better so they still won't make the playoffs. Baltimore - Good defense. That's about it. They'll ruin Joe Flacco who may not be that good to begin with. Cincinnati - This team is bad. Chad Johnson changing his name to Chad Ochocinco will be the high point. Defense doesn't have talent. Offense has talent, but talent that can't play as a team.

South
Division winner and only team in: Indianapolis - Not as good as before. Peyton Manning will have to work his way back. Their defense isn't all that great. Joseph Addai is good. Marvin Harrison is on his down slide, but the other receivers are talented. The reason they'll win is the other AFC South teams have bigger problems.
Not In: Houston - I like Houston. They could grab the last playoff spot from New England. Matt Schaub is pretty good. Andre Johnson is good. Their defense is good. Losing 38-17 to open the season makes me suspect. Jacksonville - This is a team off to a slow start due to injuries that will probably put them too far behind to make a playoff run. Their quarterback is good enough, but they've relied on their running game for their offense, but having most of your offensive linemen hurt kills that and they don't have the receivers to change styles. Tennessee - Another team with good defense that will be hamstrung by other "problems". Namely their franchise quarterback may be suicidal. I think Vince Young's other problems (he hasn't developed like he should have) is a bigger drawback, but I don't think Kerry Collins gets them to the playoffs.

West
Division winner: Denver - Jay Cutler is playing great. Brandon Marshall and Eddie Royal are holding down the receiver position. Surprisingly, I don't think much of any of the Bronco running backs. I'm not real keen on their defense. Still, with their (possibly tainted) win over San Diego, they're in the driver's seat in the West.
Also in: San Diego - They're 0-2. They've lost Shawne Merriman's steroid enhanced physique. Norv Turner is still the coach. I still think they've got too much talent to miss the playoffs.
Not in: Oakland - Great running game. Defense has some big names, but they aren't living up to their salaries. Jamarcus Russell ain't going to get it done. Too much disfunction to be successful. Kansas City - They suck. Outside of Larry Johnson and Tony Gonzalez, I don't see too many guys who could start for better teams.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL

I haven't had time to look at college football yet. I've been to two UL games so far. There were some good things from the first one. There was tailgating.There were cheerleaders.There was a band.

Piss on the band. I don't really care about them. There was this woman sitting in front of me. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get a picture while she was leaning over the seat. And I didn't throw anything (heavy) at the two guys in blue.

Oh yeah, and there was a game or something. Steve Kragthorpe was on a mission to redeem himself after taking an Orange Bowl team and turning it into a 6-6 non-bowl team. His team managed 2 points. Surprisingly, the defense that couldn't stop anyone last year was great. The only offensive touchdown for UK was from the six yard line due to a turnover. So, UK's defense essentially provided 21 of their 27 points and two of those touchdowns came late. If you had told me that UL had only given up 3 points to UK's offense up to mid-way through the fourth quarter, I would have thought UL was kicking ass. Not down 10-2.

I got tired of the whole "unprepared" act that Kragthorpe foisted on UL fans last year. Gee, how nice to see it pop up again so quickly. I realize last year's defense was horrible so they needed the work, but why did UL's offense not need to practice in the offseason? Dropped passes. Poor routes. Running into the middle of the line even though defensive tackle Myron Pryor is killing you. I remember when Hunter Cantwell threw three touchdowns against Virginia Tech's number one ranked defense as a redshirt freshman in the 2006 Gator Bowl. I know this well because I was friggin' there (not sure when I'll get back to a bowl). Now he can only get across midfield a few times against Kentucky? WTF? What did UL's offense do all spring and summer because practice doesn't appear to have been a part of it.

But on the plus side, UL beat Tennessee Tech 51-3 (I think that was the score) in week 2. Adding the Murray State win last year, Kragthorpe has shown a great ability to beat down crappy Ohio Valley Conference teams. Too bad he can't do the same to Division I-A teams. And I'm so stupid, I'm still considering making the trip to away games in Memphis and Pittsburgh.

RIP Jerry Reed

From someone who liked your music a lot more than your acting.

Politics, Sex & Other News

I'll be honest. I did not watch any of the Democratic Convention. Has nothing to do with my dislike of socialism. I won't watch the Republican convention either. These things are completely pointless since the primaries have already told us who the nominee will be. So, am I supposed to be impressed that they pick a bunch of party hacks to give a speech (that a whole team probably worked to write)? I can read the transcript of the speech the next day. Mainly because things that sound great when spoken often look ridiculous when you read them. Case in point when I was reading Obama's transcript and came to this line about how he would cut taxes for 95% of working families. Really? Which taxes would those be? With deductions and earned income credits, only half the people in this country pay federal taxes. How do you reduce that? Conventions are just big pep rallies that cost a lot of money for no real purpose. Sure I could have tuned in to watch Obama walk on water (I'm assuming that must have been in the program somewhere), but I saw Ric Ocasek do it in the video for Magic. I think there is a trick to it. Although a few years later, an ugly as ever Ocasek was married to supermodel Paulina Porizkova. If that's not magic, I don't know what is.

The other big news was Vice-President picks even though every study has shown that the V-P pick really doesn't make much of a difference. After teasing the press for a few days, Barak Obama picked Joe Biden. I can't remember where I read this, but it was the best analysis of the situation. "After all that buildup, the pick was Joe Biden?" The pick was popular with the political pundits because they actually know something about him. However, I have to question how popular he is outside Washington (and Delaware) since he was fighting Christopher Dodd for last place in a very abbreviated Presidential campaign. Not sure how good a pick it is. Supposedly, he has foreign policy experience although his response to 9/11 was a little (actually stunningly) stupid. Plus, when you're whole campaign is based around "CHANGE" and being an outsider, does it make sense to pick someone who has spent almost all of their professional life in the Senate?

Then John McCain makes his pick and chooses Alaskan governor Sarah Palin in an obvious effort for disgruntled women still pissed that Hillary lost the Democratic nomination. Or he's trying to shore up the three electoral votes from a state the Republicans have only lost once. Unless we're talking MILFs in politics, she wouldn't have been my first choice for V-P, but then again, McCain wasn't even in my top three for President. There is a lot to like to like about her. Some of it political. The best being her fiscal policy of flipping the bird to dillweed Don Young and hopefully-soon-to-be-in-jail Ted Stevens. I half wondered if McCain counter intuitively chose her because her biggest drawback is inexperience. Democrats would look pretty silly saying a governor of two years is inexperienced, but a Senator of three years is perfectly fine. I figured the Obama camp would just ignore her, but I was wrong. They jumped right in. I guess the Democrats believe experience (no matter how stupid that experience is) is only necessary for the vice-presidents. It's beyond me that they would want to make that an issue.

Speaking of that Alaskan dumbass Don Young, Ron Paul has endorsed him. Paul has lived on a myth that he's some kind of fiscal conservative constitutionalist. Well, that sham should be well exposed when he endorses his old buddy who happens to be one of the pork gluttons in Congress.

Interesting study about British anti-Americanism found that one reason it's prevalent is Brits don't know crap about America. Which shouldn't be surprising since they don't know much about themselves. Why should we be surprised by this? Their news comes from the BBC which is considered very anti-American. Funny how other countries complain we don't care enough to know about the rest of the world. Douchebags.

I used to have a place in my heart for Sweden. Well, at least the Swedish Bikini team and Swedish Erotica movie series. But this is about the most pathetic story I've heard. A couple of men in Sweden, who obviously have too much time on their hands (and apparently nothing in them), are whining because the state run pharmacy only has women's sex toys. Don't they have the Internet there? I was confused by the women who defended the practice by saying, "there are no products of good quality on the market for men." How does she know? Does she test them? How? The other thing that confused me was a comment that women used to get better rates on taxis and haircuts. Why? I can see bars doing it because it brings in women who bring in men who blow money on women. But do cabs smell so bad there that they have to discount the trip in order to get women to ride them? And haircuts? Usually women are charged more because they take longer. Are Swedish men such poofters that there hair takes longer?

And why don't they do like the guy in Hong Kong who stuck his wang in a park bench? Oh right, because he got stuck.

Or go to a hooker. Someone went to this hooker in New York who only had one leg, was in a wheelchair and performing her services in a hallway of the building she lived in. What a good neighbor. And so inspiring that she didn't let her handicap get in the way of a fulfilling career. And then her john killed her. Not very sporting.

In other sex news that involves criminal prosecution, a woman is being tried for illegally having sex with a 15 year old. Yet, the victim of sexual assault has been told he has to pay child support because the criminal got pregnant through her crime. Now, the boy's family is trying to get custody. Let's ask this question. If an adult male impregnated a underage girl, would any court give him custody of the child? I don't think so either.

Somewhere in Tennessee, a woman shot a porno movie in a playground at a local park. Well, they said porno, but it sounds like she just flashed the camera. Still, it's a crime that should be punished (although the TV report says they may not be able to arrest her). Or at least fought against. I offer my services to patrol those local parks to see if she does it again. And I will watch as long as necessary so I can describe every detail of it to the police.

FOOTBALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. College football began on Thursday and the big UL/UK game is coming up. Usually, I try to break down the different issues to pick a winner. Well, I don't want to touch this game at all. No way in hell would I bet on it. I have no idea what's going to happen. UK lost a good chunk of its offensive stars. UL has no experience at receiver or linebacker. UK thinks they've got a good defense, but I think that's been overblown. Nor do I think UL's was as bad as they looked although they did look bad. Both teams may rely on the run, but statistically, both were pretty mediocre at it last year. UL reshuffled the coaching staff which can give me some hope as they looked ill-prepared way too often. Although that begs the question if coordinators are so important, why do head coaches make so much more money? Even as bad as UL was at times last year, they had the lead with just over a minute left when these teams last played. The game's in Louisville which meant something before last year. The one thing that gives UL an edge is the fact Hunter Cantwell has started games at quarterback before and did well. Which I think could be enough. I'll probably be happy if they don't go out on the field and look like a bunch dumbasses like they did last year.

A Little More On The Olympics

Considering the fact that I'm up past 3 in the morning to watch the gold medal basketball game, should I still consider the Olympics a sham? Oh, Hell yeah. Mainly because NBC has pissed me off completely. I wasn't happy with their coverage to begin with. One of the summer events I really look forward to is men's indoor volleyball because it's about the only time I can see it. Earlier this week, I stay up to catch the semifinal match between the U.S. versus Russia. Local news cut out most of the first game. Okay, I blamed that on the worthless affiliate because any channel that thinks having Alan Cutler anchor it wouldn't have a clue how to run an operation. So, what happened earlier? The U.S. played Brazil in the gold medal match which started at midnight. Seems great because it would run until the gold medal basketball game. Which it did. Too bad NBC decided not to televise it. They're going to run a replay fifteen hours after it ended. So, what was on? Friggin' table tennis and mountain biking. Great job, NBC.

It's a good thing the U.S. won the gold medal in men's basketball or else ESPN.com's Chris Sheridan would swell to an unhealthy level since he insinuated that the U.S. would lose just about every game beginning with Greece (without actually predicting the loss).

Not to bag on local boy Tyson Gay who had a bad time in the Olympics as he failed to make the finals of the 100 meter and then was part of the fumbled baton on the 4X100 relay, but in hindsight, it probably would have been better if he'd stayed home. He was coming off a hamstring issue that kept him out of training. One part of that missed training was the relay where they get comfortable passing the baton.

Then there is the story that won't go away no matter how much the IOC wants it to - preteen gymnasts. A computer sleuth found a cache file of a list of gymnasts compiled by China's sports administration which showed them as being too young. So, the IOC demanded an investigation. The Chinese coach can't understand why anyone thinks they would lie. Just because they used underage gymnasts in the past. Just because they lied to the IOC about reforms for the Olympics. Just because every document or report that comes out shows the gymnasts are younger than they are supposed to be. The excuse before was that the media reports wouldn't have known the gymnasts ages. Even though as I pointed out before, the media and gymnast are both owned by the Chinese government. Now that government documents show the real age, the new story is that it was simply a paperwork error. Sure that's believable. This is a country where life is so regimented that they can ban having a second child (and enforce it). So, yeah, I can believe that all these paperwork errors kept occurring.

And I see where some people here are following right along. I've seen it argued that they provided passports. Sure, because fakes are next to impossible to find in China (that really is a $30 Armani suit for sale) even without the willful complicity of a government wanting to win the gold medal count. Do they really believe that the Chinese government won't provide other documentation (with wet ink) to prove otherwise? Hell, I wouldn't put it past them to "find" a photo of all the girls holding a 1993 newspaper. I've also seen the argument that it's just sour grapes because even if the gymnasts were underage, they were still the best (considering I saw a Chinese gymnast win bronze after falling on her face on the vault, that's a dubious assumption). Except, the countries following the rules could have left home good gymnast because they were too young. I guess I should give people like moron Jim Caple credit for at least admitting that the Chinese might have cheated before excusing it with the classic "everybody cheats." Sure, except in the U.S., cheaters like Marion Jones (funny, Caple doesn't mention her) can end up in jail at the hands of the government. In China, the government has a full role in the cheating.

So, will the IOC find anything? Possible, but it'll never see the light of day. No way they embarrass the host country. Sure, they'll strip an athlete of his medal for getting pissed about getting screwed, but no reason to look to closely at a big country. Let's look at the dumbass who runs the Olympics, Jacques Rogge. He's all up in arms about Usain Bolt showboating, but then says he's happy with the way China ran the Olympics. He feels they opened up China. Much the way they opened up Nazi Germany in 1936. Literally. Sure there may have been some glitches (some that didn't involve 12 year old slave gymnast). There's a report they shot some Tibetans (but don't worry, they closed off the territory so we don't have to concern ourselves with that). They set up some protest zones in the Olympic spirit, but denied every permit and basically used the process as a way to get the names of potential dissidents. Including some little old ladies sent to labor camps for reeducation. And the worst of all, they banned iTunes because it has some Tibetan freedom album on it. Yep, the Olympics have busted that country wide open. Rogge also said "people will understand China with all its challenges." What challenges? Too many dissidents, not enough labor camps? Not enough lead paint to keep industry humming along? Too many ugly girls that can sing well?

I also love how concerned he is over the instability in the Abkhazia region of Georgia which is 25 kilometers (I think that's about 328 miles) from the site of the 2012 Olympics, but he's not really that concerned because "the Russians have pledged total security." Which should be pretty easy to do since they are the main cause of the instability. Nice to see Rogge is blissfully unaware of what's going on in the world. He's also been quick to point out that the Olympics aren't about politics, but then when speaking of China's medal tally says "the world has to learn to live with a change of geopolitical nature." Which is it? Are the Games non-political even though countries use them to advance politics? And you gave them to a country that freely admitted that politics was their goal in them?

But it's nice of him to say that baseball might be back if Major League Baseball lets the pros play. I'm sure that will happen. I'm sure they'll either shut down for two weeks right as the pennant races are heating up or tell teams to lose their top players for two weeks just as the pennant race is heating up. This is why the Olympics are so stupid. Baseball is played all over Latin America and most of the Pacific Rim not to mention the United States. It's not an Olympic sport, but ping pong is even though half the competitors are Chinese playing for other countries. I don't even like baseball, but to not have that while you've got crap like synchronized diving, trampoline, rhythmic gymnastics and windsurfing is a friggin' joke.

Now, he doesn't mention softball which was dropped even though the best players show up. Word is that American dominance (until this year) was the reason. Doesn't seem to bother them with China and ping pong. I think they bring in these weird ass sports because Americans don't give two craps about and would make no effort to win. They have canoe. How can Americans compete in this sport? Americans don't know how to canoe without a cooler in the boat. And shooting? They use air guns. Is this high school? Send some deer out there and we'll find out who the best shots are.

As for the really boring sport of diving, I've got one word to spice it up - CANNONBALL.

Car News & Other Stories

This is how I want to go. It has revenge and a horrifyingly awful suicide. A rich man marries a gold-digger who worked at his gym and tanning salon and thinks five years of marriage entitles her to what he worked his life for. So, he cancels his life insurance, blows all his money, and goes into debt. Then he tied a rope to a tree and his neck. Then he sped away in his car so his head would rip clean off. Word is the Chinese are trying to get it added as a demonstration sport for the Olympics.

CNN.com had an informative article about things not to do with your car. Well, it would have been informative if I actually washed my car. Funny, I didn't see anything about not using your car in a decapitation suicide. Nor did I see one saying that you shouldn't speed and masturbate while video taping it and transporting two marijuana plants in the backseat. Good to hear. I was afraid I was engaging in dangerous behavior, but CNN is okay with it. Cops seemed to have a problem with it so speed up if you see them.

Now, this is a great story. Guy steals a car. Then he gets car jacked. But he bravely escapes (well, he runs away). Then showing the intelligence normally found in a brick, he calls the cops to report his stolen car stolen. Did he think the cops were going to give it back to him?

Speaking of suicide, I stumbled across an interesting story about Michael Hutchence, late lead singer of INXS. He's been listed as a suicide after his hanging death over a decade ago. Now, a lot of people don't believe he died from suicide. More along the lines of accidental death whacking his willie while strangling himself (the other way I want to go). Now, his brother is pushing that theory. He says he wants to do it because he doesn't want his niece to think her father killed himself. Yes, dying while jerking off is so much better.

Speaking of........, on national TV Ernest Borgnine attributed his long life to spanking a lot of monkeys which gives me great hope for my own longevity. For entirely different reasons, of course. It also explains why he used a pump action shotgun in The Wild Bunch. No theory why he was the only one of the four who didn't grab the big machine gun in the climactic scene, but it may be why so much of the other stuff was necessary. Borgnine is also talking about his navy days when he'd visit a whorehouse and it would cost $2. That was like the Spanish-American War or something. I bet you could get a lot for $2.

And continuing the hooker theme, a cop in Texas is in trouble for screwing hookers while doing a vice sting. His wife is defending him. That is the most understanding (or dumb) wife out there. Dinner talk must have been fun. "Hi honey. How was your day?" "Did some whores". "That's nice. Want some more peas?" I'll defend him too. Vice isn't a glamor job with the cops. How else are you going to get volunteers for it if you don't let them screw hookers?

I think in the long run that Russia screwed up with their attack on Georgia. Supposedly they agreed to a cease fire and pullback. Not that they're actually doing it. Maybe they were lying. Which I find interesting. Why didn't they just take the capital? Everyone (with a clue) knows the Russian excuse that they were protecting their citizens in breakaway parts of Georgia was a sham. And everyone else should have known when they began bombing parts outside those regions. It's obvious the U.S. and Europe aren't going to war to protect Georgia no matter how close an ally. So, why not take the country over? Wonder if it might have something to do with the less than stellar performance of their military? Sure, it pushed the Georgia Army back, but the Georgia National Guard could probably do that without the overwhelming force Russia employed. I think their fear may have been turning a conventional war into a guerrilla campaign which didn't work out to well in Chechnya. I think it may have backfired because the goal seems to be intimidating former Soviet satellite countries into keeping their distance from the west. That may be backfiring. Poland doesn't seem too worried. Nor do others. Makes you think they were a little less than impressed. What Russia needs to worry about is whether China was less than impressed. They have the same ideas on territorial expansion plus a population that isn't dying away. Plus, the Chinese can't be too happy that Russia took attention away from their fraudulent.........er, model Olympics.

As I said, Europe and the U.S. aren't going to war over Georgia, but they certainly can hit them economically. Throw the Russians out of the G8 (where they don't belong anyway). Throw them out of the World Trade Organization. There's a myth that Europe's economy needs Russia. Georgia proved that when Russia tried (and failed) to destroy the Georgian economy. The myth is built on Europe buying oil and natural gas from Russia, but that relationship runs both ways. Russia's economy is heavily dependent on energy export. They can stop shipping to Europe, but they can't shipping oil somewhere because they need the money it brings in. Oil and natural gas are sold on the global market. If Russia only sells to China, then those already selling to China will gravitate to Europe to fill that market. China might side with Russia out of nothing more than knee-jerk anti-Western attitudes, but they can't be that stupid to run up energy prices over it. Why? Same reason as Russia not pulling their supplies off the market. China's economy would be seriously hurt by it. China is highly dependent on exports to the U.S.. Manufacturing moved to China for cheap labor. However, without cheap transportation, that advantage is lost due to the shipping distance. High oil costs means Mattel starts making toys in Mexico.

But enough with geopolitics. Let's talk about movies. Porno movies. A company in Canada is starting a pay-per-view porn channel that will feature primarily Canadian porn. I'm sure the Canucks are so proud. When you say Canada and porn, about the only thing I can think of is that I once heard that Traci Lords' underage movies are available up there because once a porno is approved as legal, it stays legal. So, I did some research on Canadian porn stars and discovered that Peter North is Canadian. And his real name is Alden Brown. And he did 12 gay pornos. I don't know what the big deal is. I've seen a few porno movies in the past, and I didn't care if the actresses were American. Actually, I like the Eastern European ones because they need the money so they do some sick stuff.

Let's talk about other movies. Retarded movies. I got an email from my aunt with some plea not to go see Tropic Thunder because it uses the term retard a lot. That was after bitching that Robert Downey Jr.'s character was racist because he did blackface to play a white actor portraying a black man. Now, part of me wants to see this because I think Robert Downey Jr. is a great actor and Jack Black is funny. Another part of me doesn't and it has nothing to do with retards or blackface. I don't think Ben Stiller is funny. Sure, he does funny movies, but I think they'd be funnier with someone else (he damned near ruined Dodgeball). People need to get a clue on this. Downey isn't playing a black man. He's playing a white man. I saw one person ask why Downey's character couldn't be played by a black actor. Right. As a white man, I would be offended by a black man playing a white man even if the white man is playing a black man. Come on, people. It's parodying the pretentiousness of actors. Women portray whores or fat chicks to win an Oscar. Men play retarded to get it. I think mentally challenged activists should protest Sean Penn for I Am Sam for making retarded people believe that a mentally handicapped person screwing a hooker will lead to them having a child prodigy.

But enough with that. Let's talk sports. The Olympics are still on. A big controversy is the Spanish basketball team taking a team picture while slanting their eyes (rumor is that the Spanish women's basketball team did it too; other rumor is that women actually play basketball). Well, it's a big controversy here. It doesn't seem to be doing much in Spain. Or in China. I think because political correctness isn't that big a deal there. Plus, how much can China complain? They had a bunch of kids come out in the native dress of their minority groups. Come to find out, all the kids were from the Chinese majority. That would be like having celebrating our minorities by having white kids in baggy pants and gold chains. Now, you do see that at the mall a lot, but it's not really a minority. Of course, compared to what the Chinese normally do to their minorities (see Tibetans), this isn't that big a deal. White guys acting black has an important connection. Not really, but it is ironic. A persecuted Muslim group in China are called Uighurs. It's pronounced wee-gur. That's almost wigger. See? A connection.

This is why the Brett Favre situation bugged me so much. The damned sportswriters threw away all objectivity to worship the ground he walked on like he was Barak Obama or something. In one sense, I should be glad that Peter King didn't spend half his time talking about his daughter's field hockey team and whatever overpriced coffee he was buying this week. But to call Jets' fans a disgrace for not filling the stadium for Favre's preseason debut was a joke. Gee, Brett's playing a preseason game. Did they send the uniform to Canton? He played two series with a lot of handoffs. One ended in a touchdown. The other ended in failure as Favre took two bad sacks. Real exciting. Sorry if I don't get worked up that a bunch of New Yorkers weren't concerned about watching a game that would include two thirds played by guys who won't be on the roster in two weeks.

Damned NBC & Other News

Here's the biggest problem with the NBC Olympic coverage. During the overnight and early day, they may have events on NBC, USA Network, CNBC, MSNBC, Telemundo and Oxygen (and no, I didn't add Telemundo and Oxygen to be funny). Yet, during prime time, they stick with NBC only. That means if I want to watch swimming, I have to sit through gymnastics. I'll give gymnasts credit. What they do is incredibly hard. I still haven't figured out how they can do have the high bar or rings stuff without yanking joints out of their socket (weightlifting has that covered). Still, why do I want to watch a "sport" that has an incomprehensible scoring system? I would explain it, but I can't. It's almost like you get degree of difficulty points before you even try it which means flubbing a hard attempt may still get you more points than someone who did something more mundane.

Now, the big controversy with women's gymnastics is that for the Chinese, it isn't really women's gymnastics. It's not even young lady gymnastics. Preteen gymnastics may be the better term. Accusations are flying that the Chinese were using gymnasts under the minimum age of 16. OMG. The Chinese might be cheating? Who would have thought that? And funny. Previous Chinese news articles seem to flat out say that the girls have somehow aged three years in only months. Gotta love the quote from the coach that says the government owned media would have no idea how old the government owned gymnasts were. I guess they just randomly picked ages. But don't worry. The International Gymnastics Federation is on it. A totalitarian government with a history of cheating in international athletics has given them passports for the childre..........I mean teens. Those would be impossible to fake. Just because China has done this before is no reason to assume they'd do it at an Olympics when winning the most gold medals is a point of national pride. That'd be silly. Dan Wetzel thinks the IOC needs to do a real investigation (ain't gonna happen) in order to maintain any credibility. He also seems to recognize (as I have) that we're already beyond them having any credibility.

Let's be serious. I don't normally watch women's gymnastics. I may be a pervert but sexualized girls too young to drive aren't my thing. However, while waiting for one of the swimming events, I caught part of the team all around and thought two things. One, if the U.S. and Chinese were the two best, that's sad. It was a match to see who screwed up the least. I've been drunk and looked steadier than the girls from both teams did on the balance beam. Two, I didn't know there was an age requirement and my first thought about the Chinese team was they had a bunch 0f 12 year olds. I didn't think that when I looked at any other squad. Even worse is the fact that the commentators mentioned (without a hint of disapproval which shows how much NBC is bowing and scraping to the Chinese) that three year olds who seem to have gymnastic skills are recruited (ripped from their homes) and sent to special sports academies (gulags). Whether they want to or not. But I'm sure veritable serfdom is part of the Olympic ideal.

China has lots of problems with exploiting children. Another controversy was the news that the cute little girl who sang some song that I didn't see because I skipped the opening ceremony didn't really sing. She was lip syncing to another little girl who was deemed too fat and ugly to be seen. So, they told one that her singing sucked and the other would make viewers ill if she was seen. Classy. I like how the ugly one said it was just an honor to sing. Sure it was. Plus, if she said anything else, Daddy is shipped off to a work camp.

NBC is probably making a lot of money with a pedophile fan base. Like this guy who was busted for trying to hook up with (what he thought was) a 14 year old girl. While wearing a shirt that said "World's Greatest Dad". Best part? They aren't even sure he has children. But maybe he does. Maybe he was thinking about them. Maybe they want a new mommy and he decided to get them one that they could relate to. Or maybe he likes porking teenagers.

But let's give some equal time to the women perverts. A baby sitter has been arrested for having sex with one of her charges. A 14 year old boy. I'm trying to figure out how big a dumbass you have to be to still have a baby sitter at age 14.

But enough about underage types. Let's talk about women. Specifically those with breasts. Big heaving breasts. Cracked did a list of "The 6 Most Gratuitously Cleavaged Women On TV". First thought questioned whether it could ever be gratuitous. Until I saw that Mrs. Garrett was on the list, and had to agree. And I never watched Ghost Whisperer because the plot seemed...well, stupid. However, if Jennifer Love Hewitt is running around in a bra, I may have to check it out. Or record it so I can fast forward to parts where she's running around in a bra.

I think the Telegraph could have used a gratuitous cleavage picture for this story about German policewomen being issued bulletproof bras. What? They couldn't find a big titted Teutonic cop to pose for a picture wearing it? What I found most interesting thing about the story is it mentioned their normal bullet proof vests do stop the bullets, but regular bras had plastic and metal that poked the women when the vest got hit. Are that many German policewomen getting shot?

This breast story is even worse. Some professor at Iowa was arrested for improving coed grades if they'd let him motor boat their knockers. Yeah, bet attractive big busted women often struggled in the early portion of his classes. While I'm often viewed as a sexist, I have to question why he was only charged with accepting bribes since there seemed to be some coercion (and flat out grabbiness) involved. Plus, if it was just simply accepting a bribe, then shouldn't the women be charged with giving one? However, what really frosts me is that it's a story about boob fondling and the only picture is of the perv. Surely they have file shots of boob fondling they could have used.

But I can talk about more than boobs. An EKU student made national news after being kicked out of a mall over her whorish outfit. Apparently she wasn't wearing the required lower hair net with that dress. Actually, I've never been to the Richmond mall. Is it common to go shopping in a cocktail dress? Fortunately, she's only an EKU student, not a graduate or I would be telling everyone I know with an EKU degree to hide it because they've got some stupid people. The local rag ran the headline "You can buy it at the mall, but you can't wear it there." Well, Fayette Mall has a Victoria's Secret, but as much as I might like to see (some) women prancing around the mall in their outfits, that might be inappropriate. However, the stupidest part is the girl thinks it's illegal discrimination and is talking about suing. Yes, it's only been a few years since women in short dresses were forbidden to vote. Does EKU require government class? She needs to take them to learn (maybe) that you can't discriminate over certain things (race, gender), but short dresses aren't among them. Since the mall is a private entity, it can enforce a dress code no matter how silly that is, so as long as the mall also throws out men wearing short skirts (and they better), she can't really claim discrimination. So, in answer to her sister's question, that gives the mall security guard the right to escort her from the mall.

In other clothing bans, Crocs have been banned from an Austrian hospital due to their ability to build up static electricity which could break electronics or kill people. How about banning them because they look really stupid?

One last thought on the Olympics. It's very impressive what Michael Phelps is doing, but watching the swim meet has led to confusion. How the Hell did they pick the winners before the electronic touch wall? Some of these races are decided by a tenth of a second. How could someone see through splashing water to decide who touched first?

Pregnant Hookers & Other News

One was eight months pregnant. Another was six. Another was three. The fourth whore busted in a Missouri prostitution ring wasn't pregnant at all. What the Hell is up with her? This sounds like they cater to a fetish crowd. Is she fat and passing herself off as pregnant? The story leaves so much out. Do you have to pay more for the one who is about to drop? Did they get pregnant on the job? Did they get knocked up intentionally to attract real degenerates? Did they meet at the doctor's office? After reading this story, the first thing I did was check to see how far away it was from my parents home in southeast Missouri. For research reasons of course. The next thing I did was look for better pictures. Stupid news only has pictures of them looking away, and they certainly didn't look like crack whores from that angle. Still, I think it's newsworthy to see it all to know whether it's worth paying for.

They should have just said they were running a church and people were donating, not paying for sex. This guy tried it. Didn't work, but can't fault him for trying. I wonder if he said his massage parlors were just "laying on of hands"?

And it's not like it's the worst thing a pseudo-preacher has been accused of lately. Some dude in Alabama was being investigated for sexually abusing his daughter and she let it slip that he'd been caught by her mother three years before, so he killed his wife and stuffed her in a freezer. They arrested him while preaching at a revival which had to be somewhat embarrassing. I do understand putting the body in the freezer. You leave them out, they begin to smell. I've thought of buying a freezer for just that reason. However, it's pretty stupid to leave the body in there for three years when there was a witness. A witness who may not like you due to your propensity to spend her formative years sticking things into places on her that she may not have necessarily wanted filled.

This is promising news. A new drug apparently is working wonders against Alzheimer's in tests. The people in the drug group had their mental decline stopped while the ones in the placebo group kept going downhill. How would you like to be the ones in the placebo group? Talk about losing the lottery.

Down in Texas, a bunch of teenage cheerleaders decided to see how many of them would fit in an elevator. The number was 26. And then it got stuck for a half hour. That must have been quite the scene as a bunch of nubile, young women in short tight outfits were crammed in a tight spot rubbing up against each other.............I'll be back in a sec...........okay, this was a highly dangerous stunt and they should have known better.

Maybe it was hazing. That seems to be common in Texas cheerleading. This story about it is missing some detail. First, it has this marvelous quote, "When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl's head, that's just disgusting." Well, I want to know what was beeped because it can only be a couple of things (which are disgusting without putting it on someone's head). However, the level of disgusting could go up. Then it mentions flicking body parts. Which parts? Inquiring minds want to know.

Speaking of inquiring minds, anyone see where John Edwards finally came out and admitted the National Enquirer was right when it accused him of an affair with a campaign staffer? This was the worst kept secret of the year even if the major news agencies embargoed the story. Let's think about it for a minute. He's paying some amateur film maker that he met in a bar named Rielle Hunter to make a few web videos for his campaign. Phil's videos were of higher quality, yet the woman was getting six figures? Right. Nothing was going on. I like how Edwards stressed that his wife's cancer was in remission. That makes it so much better. I'm not sure if it wouldn't have been better to say it was going on after remission. At least then he could claim he didn't want to badger a woman undergoing cancer treatment for sex. Because he's a gentleman. He says the love child isn't his and he'd willing to take a paternity test to prove it if the mistress wasn't be so darn stubborn about it. He knows this because he hadn't screwed her since 2006. I certainly believe that. It makes perfect sense that a philanderer would have spent several hours late at night with his former mistress at an expensive hotel without any sex occurring.

I used to think having an affair with a big name Democratic politician was a bad thing, but that's based on Bill Clinton's bimbo eruptions. Spin control was always labeling them trailer trash or stalkers until things like audio tapes or spunk globs pretty much killed his denials. I thought this one was going to follow that pattern. The first thing Edwards did was find a fall guy......I mean married (with kids) campaign aide to say he was the real father. He was apparently sure enough of that to move her into his neighborhood and invite her over for dinner with the wife and kiddies, but not sure enough to actually put his name on the birth certificate. Then Edwards says he doesn't love Hunter so she's now labeled a piece of tail giving it up for the whole campaign. But I was wrong. Apparently, Clinton's bimbos made the mistake of not getting pregnant. One of Edwards big money men is apparently paying hush money.......I mean helping out his dear friend by moving her out of the North Carolina limelight. And into a $3 million house on the coast. What a true friend.

Since I find Edwards to be a condescending prick, this whole thing is humorous to me. Even better is the major news organizations trying to explain how they got scooped by the National Enquirer. And then proceeded to ignore it. I guess the first is that it's his private life, but that doesn't wash when he uses his marriage as a prop (or his wife's cancer to raise campaign money). A couple of others that I've seen were that Edwards was no longer a candidate and besides they needed absolute proof. Right. Edwards was now retired. Well, except for the fact that he was on Barak Obama's VP shortlist and frontrunner for his Attorney General if that didn't work out. As for proof, it's easy not to find it if you don't look. Plus, that didn't seem to matter to the New York Times when they insinuated a McCain affair with no proof whatsoever. Still, my favorite excuse for reporters not looking into this was the fact that Edwards had originally told them he didn't have an affair. Oh well, then of course he must not have. One gullible moron actually feels like a victim. Gee, maybe you should change your policy of accepting anything a Democratic politician says at face value.

Some mega-church's preacher's wife is being sued for shoving a flight attendant. Not sure it's something that should be done, but I am definitely sure it's not worth 10% of someone's net worth. Actually, I didn't really care about this story until I got to the part where the stewardess is claiming this has led to "anxiety and hemorrhoids" along with affecting her faith. Well, if your faith is affected by the trophy wife of some preacher with a starter mullet, your faith wasn't in good shape to begin with. It's the hemorrhoids that get me. How does being shoved give you hemorrhoids? Maybe she just needs to eat more fruit.

Russia is invading Georgia. I'm not sure if they've made it to Dunwoody yet. Maybe after watching the Beijing Olympics, Russia thinks this will help their next bid. This is a pretty serious state of affairs. Russia is trying to claim they were protecting ethnic minorities in northern Georgia (which is the same claim Hitler made when invading Poland), but it appears to be a move to re-establish dominance over a neighboring country that was allying itself with Europe and the US. Which brings me to my big question? When the U.S. invaded Iraq, there were large anti-American demonstrations all over Europe. Will we see the same over this? I realize there are big differences. We invaded a peaceful country run by a benevolent patriarch elected with 99% of the vote and only attacked his neighbors out of concern for them. Russia is invading a country run by a bunch of thugs who had the gall to try to align themselves with those repressive dictatorships of western Europe.

When I first read that Australia was banning "designer vaginas", I thought "huh?". I had never heard of designer vaginas and assumed they were those foam things sold at Hustler Hollywood. But apparently women can have surgery to tighten things up down there. I wonder if they can get it done to look like a celebrities like they do with some nose jobs. After all, from what I've heard, those foam things at Hustler Hollywood are often patterned after some porn star. Which doesn't really make sense because wouldn't the opening be the size of a KFC bucket?

Some fat guy on death row is claiming his weight means that he shouldn't be put to death by lethal injection. I've used my weight as an excuse for things, but mostly along the lines of "I can't help you carry that upstairs, I get winded." This guy raped and murdered two women. I've got no problem with using another method. Like throwing his ass off a building. But I really don't see a problem with lethal injection for him. Supposedly, being fat means that it'll be harder to find his veins (boo friggin hoo) and they may not give him enough anesthesia (like I care). Fine. Shove a hose up his ass and fill him with a power washer. He'll get enough then.