Pregnant Hookers & Other News

One was eight months pregnant. Another was six. Another was three. The fourth whore busted in a Missouri prostitution ring wasn't pregnant at all. What the Hell is up with her? This sounds like they cater to a fetish crowd. Is she fat and passing herself off as pregnant? The story leaves so much out. Do you have to pay more for the one who is about to drop? Did they get pregnant on the job? Did they get knocked up intentionally to attract real degenerates? Did they meet at the doctor's office? After reading this story, the first thing I did was check to see how far away it was from my parents home in southeast Missouri. For research reasons of course. The next thing I did was look for better pictures. Stupid news only has pictures of them looking away, and they certainly didn't look like crack whores from that angle. Still, I think it's newsworthy to see it all to know whether it's worth paying for.

They should have just said they were running a church and people were donating, not paying for sex. This guy tried it. Didn't work, but can't fault him for trying. I wonder if he said his massage parlors were just "laying on of hands"?

And it's not like it's the worst thing a pseudo-preacher has been accused of lately. Some dude in Alabama was being investigated for sexually abusing his daughter and she let it slip that he'd been caught by her mother three years before, so he killed his wife and stuffed her in a freezer. They arrested him while preaching at a revival which had to be somewhat embarrassing. I do understand putting the body in the freezer. You leave them out, they begin to smell. I've thought of buying a freezer for just that reason. However, it's pretty stupid to leave the body in there for three years when there was a witness. A witness who may not like you due to your propensity to spend her formative years sticking things into places on her that she may not have necessarily wanted filled.

This is promising news. A new drug apparently is working wonders against Alzheimer's in tests. The people in the drug group had their mental decline stopped while the ones in the placebo group kept going downhill. How would you like to be the ones in the placebo group? Talk about losing the lottery.

Down in Texas, a bunch of teenage cheerleaders decided to see how many of them would fit in an elevator. The number was 26. And then it got stuck for a half hour. That must have been quite the scene as a bunch of nubile, young women in short tight outfits were crammed in a tight spot rubbing up against each other.............I'll be back in a sec...........okay, this was a highly dangerous stunt and they should have known better.

Maybe it was hazing. That seems to be common in Texas cheerleading. This story about it is missing some detail. First, it has this marvelous quote, "When a girl (BEEP) in her pants and puts her pants on another girl's head, that's just disgusting." Well, I want to know what was beeped because it can only be a couple of things (which are disgusting without putting it on someone's head). However, the level of disgusting could go up. Then it mentions flicking body parts. Which parts? Inquiring minds want to know.

Speaking of inquiring minds, anyone see where John Edwards finally came out and admitted the National Enquirer was right when it accused him of an affair with a campaign staffer? This was the worst kept secret of the year even if the major news agencies embargoed the story. Let's think about it for a minute. He's paying some amateur film maker that he met in a bar named Rielle Hunter to make a few web videos for his campaign. Phil's videos were of higher quality, yet the woman was getting six figures? Right. Nothing was going on. I like how Edwards stressed that his wife's cancer was in remission. That makes it so much better. I'm not sure if it wouldn't have been better to say it was going on after remission. At least then he could claim he didn't want to badger a woman undergoing cancer treatment for sex. Because he's a gentleman. He says the love child isn't his and he'd willing to take a paternity test to prove it if the mistress wasn't be so darn stubborn about it. He knows this because he hadn't screwed her since 2006. I certainly believe that. It makes perfect sense that a philanderer would have spent several hours late at night with his former mistress at an expensive hotel without any sex occurring.

I used to think having an affair with a big name Democratic politician was a bad thing, but that's based on Bill Clinton's bimbo eruptions. Spin control was always labeling them trailer trash or stalkers until things like audio tapes or spunk globs pretty much killed his denials. I thought this one was going to follow that pattern. The first thing Edwards did was find a fall guy......I mean married (with kids) campaign aide to say he was the real father. He was apparently sure enough of that to move her into his neighborhood and invite her over for dinner with the wife and kiddies, but not sure enough to actually put his name on the birth certificate. Then Edwards says he doesn't love Hunter so she's now labeled a piece of tail giving it up for the whole campaign. But I was wrong. Apparently, Clinton's bimbos made the mistake of not getting pregnant. One of Edwards big money men is apparently paying hush money.......I mean helping out his dear friend by moving her out of the North Carolina limelight. And into a $3 million house on the coast. What a true friend.

Since I find Edwards to be a condescending prick, this whole thing is humorous to me. Even better is the major news organizations trying to explain how they got scooped by the National Enquirer. And then proceeded to ignore it. I guess the first is that it's his private life, but that doesn't wash when he uses his marriage as a prop (or his wife's cancer to raise campaign money). A couple of others that I've seen were that Edwards was no longer a candidate and besides they needed absolute proof. Right. Edwards was now retired. Well, except for the fact that he was on Barak Obama's VP shortlist and frontrunner for his Attorney General if that didn't work out. As for proof, it's easy not to find it if you don't look. Plus, that didn't seem to matter to the New York Times when they insinuated a McCain affair with no proof whatsoever. Still, my favorite excuse for reporters not looking into this was the fact that Edwards had originally told them he didn't have an affair. Oh well, then of course he must not have. One gullible moron actually feels like a victim. Gee, maybe you should change your policy of accepting anything a Democratic politician says at face value.

Some mega-church's preacher's wife is being sued for shoving a flight attendant. Not sure it's something that should be done, but I am definitely sure it's not worth 10% of someone's net worth. Actually, I didn't really care about this story until I got to the part where the stewardess is claiming this has led to "anxiety and hemorrhoids" along with affecting her faith. Well, if your faith is affected by the trophy wife of some preacher with a starter mullet, your faith wasn't in good shape to begin with. It's the hemorrhoids that get me. How does being shoved give you hemorrhoids? Maybe she just needs to eat more fruit.

Russia is invading Georgia. I'm not sure if they've made it to Dunwoody yet. Maybe after watching the Beijing Olympics, Russia thinks this will help their next bid. This is a pretty serious state of affairs. Russia is trying to claim they were protecting ethnic minorities in northern Georgia (which is the same claim Hitler made when invading Poland), but it appears to be a move to re-establish dominance over a neighboring country that was allying itself with Europe and the US. Which brings me to my big question? When the U.S. invaded Iraq, there were large anti-American demonstrations all over Europe. Will we see the same over this? I realize there are big differences. We invaded a peaceful country run by a benevolent patriarch elected with 99% of the vote and only attacked his neighbors out of concern for them. Russia is invading a country run by a bunch of thugs who had the gall to try to align themselves with those repressive dictatorships of western Europe.

When I first read that Australia was banning "designer vaginas", I thought "huh?". I had never heard of designer vaginas and assumed they were those foam things sold at Hustler Hollywood. But apparently women can have surgery to tighten things up down there. I wonder if they can get it done to look like a celebrities like they do with some nose jobs. After all, from what I've heard, those foam things at Hustler Hollywood are often patterned after some porn star. Which doesn't really make sense because wouldn't the opening be the size of a KFC bucket?

Some fat guy on death row is claiming his weight means that he shouldn't be put to death by lethal injection. I've used my weight as an excuse for things, but mostly along the lines of "I can't help you carry that upstairs, I get winded." This guy raped and murdered two women. I've got no problem with using another method. Like throwing his ass off a building. But I really don't see a problem with lethal injection for him. Supposedly, being fat means that it'll be harder to find his veins (boo friggin hoo) and they may not give him enough anesthesia (like I care). Fine. Shove a hose up his ass and fill him with a power washer. He'll get enough then.