Kate Beckinsale's Butt & Other Stories

I found this a semi-tragic story. Kate Beckinsale wants a body double because she doesn't want to show her butt (literally, not figuratively) in a movie. Ms. Low Self-Esteem thinks her butt is too big. I'm not too sure why that's a big deal. Check her picture opposed to another "celebrity" whose entire career is based on having a big ass. Well, and a very poorly done sex tape. Maybe Kate needs to release a sex tape in order to get over her insecurity. Please? I don't ask for much. Truthfully, I'm really having a problem with the whole story. Does she not recognize what has led to her success? I've only seen like three movies she's been. Van Helsing and the two Underworld movies. I don't think anyone watched them for her acting ability. I think the way she filled out a skintight leather outfit in a video game based movie and some medieval bodice (French for "pushes up knockers") had a lot more to do with her success.

This is what I consider a column written by a moron. Some dork is worried about the decline of newspapers. Well, I'm worried too because I would not be able to read Get Fuzzy without them. Oh wait. Unless they went online. Now, the main point of this column isn't that we may lose our beloved comics (and crappy ones like For Better Or For Worse). It's that we may lose common knowledge and perspective. He wants new writers to go out and broaden their horizons. This is utter horsecrap. Why do I need a newspaper when I can the news online? Let me look at the Sunday Herald-Leader and see what it has in section A. One article on Ichthus and three more on high school sports transfer rules (I didn't go to high school in KY nor do I have children so I don't care). Those are the only articles that were done locally. Everything else came from the national beat of the AP, New York Times or McClatchy Newspaper services. I doubt there is a whole lot of differing experiences or perspectives out of those groups. National level reporters generally go to the same schools and go through the same training. If you ever watch them in a panel discussion, it seems like a very insulated world.

And a news story over the weekend shows how insulated it is. Did anyone see the news that Tim Russert died? I wasn't sure if maybe some readers had been on a trip to Mongolia and missed it. Maybe that's sorta mean, but while I actually liked Russert as a newsman, the whole wall-to-wall coverage over the weekend of his untimely death was a bit much. I was at my grandparents where they flip through the different news networks, and obviously MSNBC was the worst. They did not cover another story all day Saturday. And it was all personal remembrances. Not to sound callous, but you don't treat the death of a newsman as if he was a head of state (of an important country). There's a absurd level of self-importance that news people put on themselves. Russert was good at what he did, but he was raised almost to the level of a deity (or Barak Obama). Someone will take his place. They may not do as well, but the media will continue on.

Of course, I don't think anyone should have gone the Chris Matthews route. Both Matthews and Russert were political operatives before moving into journalism. Well, before Russert moved into journalism. Matthews is still a political operative with his own TV show. Russert was actually quite competent, so he got people to watch his show. Again, unlike Matthews. Russert actually had some class. Again unlike Matthews who decided the death of Russert was a good time to turn the attention to much more important stuff. Like how much smarter Matthews is than Russert.

Hey, I've always said if you can't be professional as a journalism, at least be funny. Actually, I never said that but it fits the clip.

Another story making big news over the weekend was Tiger Woods playing the US Open with a sore knee. Apparently, this was the greatest act of personal courage since David faced Goliath with only a sling and the strength of Yahweh (not to be confused with Barak Obama). I also used the term Yahweh as a shout out (is that still the term that the kids use) to my four years in a Jewish fraternity. But I digress. Sorry, if I don't genuflect at Woods' feet for this awesome achievement. He needed a playoff to beat Rocco Mediate (not to be confused with Rocco Siffredi who is in a different field entirely even though it also includes a stick and hole). This is a guy who took five years off from pro golf because of a back problem. Sorry, I saw Byron Leftwich play a college football game after he broke his leg. Hell, that's nothing compared to Jack Youngblood. He was a defensive lineman who broke his leg in a playoff game. He taped it at the half. Played the second half and then two more games after that, including the Super Bowl. Playing a few rounds of golf on a sore ankle isn't even as impressive as that midget gymnast who did the vault on a sprained ankle.

The UN Human Rights Council is finally taking a rogue regime to task for its human rights abuses. They are telling England it needs to give up its monarchy even though it has no political power left and is simply for tourists. Remind again how much money the United States gives to this complete joke of an organization? I guess they've cleaned up all the human rights abuses from other countries. My guess is there next target is the statue of The Little Mermaid in Copenhagen because it's about a character by Hans Christian Andersen whose middle name might make Muslims feel offended (and that usually leads to someone getting killed). And I'm sure if I hold my breath, the council will get right on Iran for arresting people who convert to Christianity. But it's not like they've executed them yet.

Now, in important world news, Katherine Heigl has withdrawn her name from Emmy consideration because she thinks her role on Grey's Anatomy wasn't juicy enough this year. I'm sure starving children in Zimbabwe will cheer her great sacrifice to artistic integrity. Except I've actually seen an episode of that show and artistic integrity flew out the window long before the first episode aired. It has nothing to do with how odd looking I think Sandra Oh is. It's the fact that the one time I watched it was because I was spending the night at my aunt and uncle's house and my aunt was a fan. I asked for basic background info on the show and it pretty much was "who slept with who and why". And that was pretty much it. So, the basic premise of this show is pretty much the same as a porno movie. I guess Chasey Lain will take the Emmy next year for How The West Was Hung.

Now if this story pans out, it could be very nice. A start up company has genetically altered bugs (my guess is microbes) that can feed on organic garbage (just like Freegans) and crap oil therefore becoming productive members of society (unlike the Freegans). Kind of makes Mickey's line from Rocky, "you're gonna eat lightnin' and you're gonna crap thunder", seem a little tame. Crapping thunder may not lead to energy independence. I'm not sure it'll pan out. The writer seems excited, but he's so knowledgeable about the subject that he thinks petroleum can be put right into a gas tank rather than go through an arduous process of refining it into gasoline. And I'm sure the Democrats will find a way to ban it in their quest for $6 a gallon gas. I can almost hear Dick Durbin say, "we can't bug shat our way to lower gas prices."

In a not-as-interesting-as-bug-shat-to-oil scientific story, a 2000 year old date seed from Masada was planted and is growing. Big deal. Some seeds just need to grow. When I was about 10, I decided to grow a watermelon patch in our suburban neighborhood outside Louisville. I saved some seeds from a watermelon we butchered and basically planted them next to the house. I didn't know how much room you really needed for a watermelon patch. That crap grew everywhere. It was like kudzu. It wouldn't stop. Well, it eventually did once the damned dog discovered just how comfortable a giant bed of watermelon vines was. In hindsight, I'll eat watermelon, but it's not something I'll go out of my way to get. Why the Hell was I planting watermelon in the backyard?

And finally, a nice story about college. Two guys are in a bit of trouble. Apparently, they noticed two girls dyking it out in a room across from their dorm. Being the modern technological era, they taped it and posted it where others could watch. Now, this is obviously a complete invasion of privacy, and I've never been a blame the victim type person, but I do have a question for the ladies. You live in a room that can apparently be seen from other buildings. When you decided to do a little tuna thumping, did it ever occur to you to close the curtains? When I was in college, I lived on a third floor of a dorm in a small town that didn't have any buildings around it that could see into it. Yet, when I became "intimate", I still closed the blinds. Of course, I was always concerned with a rupture causing massive deflation and "her" flying out the window. Still, in this day and age, what were they thinking? I'm not a complete degenerate. If I looked out my window and saw two girls going at it, I may not run looking for a video camera, but I'm probably going to watch. Assuming of course that they were worth watching. And that's my big problem with the whole story. I'm not expecting the news site to include the video itself (damn them), but how about a picture of the women involved? I want to know if watching them eat lunch at the Y was worth a possible jail term.

On second thought, there are times when seeing a picture of someone involved in a newsworthy sex act isn't worth it. I think what makes it worse is the fact that the student got involved in a lesbian relationship with a lunch monitor. Talk about slumming. Come on. If you're going to go down on someone in authority at school, at least make it a teacher who can fix grades for you. What can you get from a lunch monitor? Free cuts on pizza day?

Sex Change For Kids & Other Stories

Here's a story that proves that having a medical degree doesn't necessarily mean you have any damned sense at all. A pediatrician at the (soon-to-be-not-all-that) respected Boston's Children Hospital is offering to treat children as young as 7 if they think they are the wrong sex. Basically, he wants to dope them up so they don't hit puberty. Brilliant. First off, I may not have children, but I've been around them. I wouldn't trust them to decide what juice box they want with their lunch. I certainly wouldn't take their word for what gender they want to be. We're talking about the age group that asks for the most expensive present in the store for Christmas, but then dumps it 20 minutes after opening it because they want to play with the box the new dishwasher came in. Second, I've said before that sex change operations are garbage. This is the result of a mental problem. If you've got a headcase on your hands, fix the friggin' noggin. A massive surgical operation is not really the best way to treat something. They don't amputate limbs because some schmuck decides he really doesn't need his legs. They probably will eventually, because we've become a society that doesn't want to admit that someone is nutjob.

Speaking of nutjobs, I'm still trying to guess what happened here. A man was found dead by the side of a dirt road. He had cobra bites on his leg and cheek. He had a dead cobra in his hand which he apparently had chewed on a bit. Oh, and he was wearing a condom that he had not done his business in yet. Authorities are baffled. What's scary is the least strangest possibility is the guy was about to get busy with a street whore, got bit by a passing snake and decided to take it into death with him. Strangest possibility? I'm not real sure how you have sex with a cobra, but it's probably not a good idea.

I was watching a recording of my favorite news program Red Eye. It was from some day within the past week. One of the guests was Hal Sparks who had a Charles Manson hairdo and was promoting a VH1 show called Celebracadabra which seeks to find out who is the "Best Celebrity Magician". I'm not going to get into the issue of whether VH1 is guilty of false advertising for saying Sparks is a celebrity or the fact that he's listed as a comedian (my definition of comedian is that you should be somewhat funny). Nor am I going to mention just how stupid the show sounds. I'm just going to mention that Sparks became involved in a discussion on the Belmont where he accused Big Brown of being incredibly inbred which he claimed that he knew all about because he was from Kentucky and knew about inbreeding. Oh, but never fear, Hal said he left because wasn't inbred enough to stay or something to that affect. I must say Sparks is one of the more embarrassing exports the state of Kentucky has produced in recent years. And remember, we produced Wynonna and Billy Ray Cyrus' soul patch (and at one point, his mullet).

And another Red Eye related moment, host Greg Gutfeld took issue with the two guys in New York who climbed the New York Times building. Gutfeld took issue with the fact that only one was taken into custody while the other was let go. Piss on that. I take issue with the fact that emergency workers were waiting at the top of the building to help them in. Why should they have to risk their lives for these losers? You want to make a spectacle of yourself by climbing a tall building, fine. Now, get your own ass down. You might fall? That's why God gave us spatulas.

There's a group of people out on the west coast, primarily Seattle (of course), that are going through dumpsters for their groceries. They call themselves Freegans. I stick my regular connotation that if you eat out of a dumpster, you are a bum. I think what gets me is the smugness factor of people who are eating out of the trash. At the moment, I'm leaning towards wishing Listeria on them, but I may eventually get to the point I wish Salmonella. Hey, trash eaters, try the tomatoes.

I do not, nor have I ever, lived in Fort Walton Beach. And I could come up with a much better excuse for the cops.

A marriage therapist in England has declared that adultery can be a good thing for marriage. Now, I freely admit that I have violent psychological reactions to betrayals (which I really can't discuss in detail) so maybe I'm alone in finding this theory to be very stupid. Now, in this idiot woman's defense, she does admit you should never let your spouse know about these affairs because it can cause "damage". You think? Some cases have caused homicide. One thing the article didn't mention was the marital status of the therapist. It used the term "Ms." which doesn't indicate whether she's married or not. My guess is that she isn't, because if she is and her husband read her book, his imagination is probably running wild with questions why his wife feels the need to write a whole book saying adultery can be OK. Or else he's running off to the nearest harlot with his pants at half mast because he thinks he's been given a free pass.

I'm sorta watching the NBA Finals game tonight. I have it on, but I really don't care who wins. I hate Kobe Bryant so I don't want the Lakers to win. I hate Boston fans (biggest whining pussies out there) and don't like anyone on the team, so I don't want them to win. The biggest NBA story isn't the Finals. It's a newly convicted referee/gambler who is claiming that a lot of games were fixed by the NBA, and not just by him who was in hock to a bunch mob connected bookies. Well, I'm not going to call him a liar, but he's just trying to get out of more jail time for failure to pay restitution. Actually, one of the things not in his favor for me is that the games he brings up were ones that were already considered corrupt by basketball fans. The 2002 Western Conference Finals? Who needed a former ref (who didn't work the game) to tell me something wasn't kosher about that one when the Lakers had 27 free throws in the fourth quarter alone? Damn, if I had reffed that game and did it clean, I would probably admit to fixing it because I would rather people think I was corrupt rather than that incompetent. This is why Phil Jackson complaining about foul disparities in Game 2 of this year's Finals was so laughable. Looks different from the other side, doesn't it Phil? The NBA's had a bad reputation for a long time about the belief that refs favor certain teams (home teams, big market) or players (stars). Why are these allegations such a big deal? Did anyone else really believe the Finals would include teams other than LA and Boston this year?

I really don't try to educate people here. Most are adults and beyond hope. However, if you are stalking a woman and like to send video of yourself spanking the monkey to her cell phone, it's best to know if she's at the police station before you send it.

Who says you can't find great info from sports stories? I stumbled across a website about the best restrooms in America in a story about Jerome Bettis' restaurant restrooms. I would ridicule the fact that someone set up a website to rate America's bathrooms, but look at what I write about. But what I found was that one of the Hall of Fame restrooms is one I've been in. Well, not exactly that one. I don't think the men's room at Oxmoor Center in Louisville is that nice. Plus, I usually go to the Mall of St. Mathews which is just down the street. Both have an Sbarro, but Mall of St. Mathews also has a Cinnabon. On the down side, I once ran into Walt at Mall of St Mathews. I kid. I liked Walt just fine.

I mentioned before that the biggest problem that I have with Barak Obama (besides the obvious socialism that he's advocating) is that his supporters have deified him which I find creepy as Hell. The latest is Jesse Jackson Jr. (Jesse Jackson Sr.'s legitimate son) who actually said after Obama clinched his coronation..........I mean nomination, "the event is so extraordinary that another chapter could be added to the Bible to chronicle its significance." Well, at least he didn't go overboard in his praise of the moment.

Of course, I find this part of the fringe (actually mainstream) that is becoming the norm in the Democratic party. Some wackjobs planning on making some noise at the Democratic convention are concerned over the possiblity that their activities will be broken up by a "brown note" weapon. In full disclosure, the Brown Note episode of South Park was the final straw that caused me to stop watching the show (not the Brown Note part, but the part where Mr. Garrison felt unloved because his father never molested him). I could make a point that the activist group should fear the Brown Note (which doesn't exist) because they are so full of $hit, but that's too easy. Instead, I'll just point out that hippies like this probably eat too much fiber on their gay-ass vegan diets so loose stool is a definite drawback to a normal life.

And in another case of an activist I don't care a lick about, some left wing nutjob Truther is holding a one man hunger strike outside John McCain's hometown office until McCain like talks to him or something. I do have to give him some credit for consistent belief when he claims that Popular Mechanics is in on the vast conspiracy. Still, he's a stupid bastard and I'm angry that McCain agreed to meet with him. I have no problem letting these morons die off one by one.

And finally, a stripper story. Thought you could get away without one, didn't you? In Canada, there is a problem where they don't have enough strippers. The blame is being placed on the government issuing too few immigration visas to Romanian strippers. Now, I don't know too much about the problems of Canadian strip joints. Or Canadians in general. Such silly, useless people. However, if the internet has taught me anything, women from former Eastern European Communist dictatorships are freaks. Get all of them you can.

The Belmont Ending & Other Stories

How sad for Rick Dutrow. When his horse is the favorite to win the Belmont, he's everywhere telling us how Big Brown can't lose. After Big Brown loses big, he's nowhere to be found. Probably rethinking his guarantee that the Patriots would win the Super Bowl. Of course, considering this was Rick Dutrow, I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't bet $100 grand on Big Brown. Still, it's nice to see that I'm not the only one who was happy with Big Brown losing. It's really bad when a fellow trainer openly gloats about your loss. I'd like to see a Triple Crown winner sometime, but I don't want it to happen just to happen. I certainly don't want an undeserving winner. And I'm definitely not like those who believe "it's about the horse." It is a horse. Does anyone really believe that Big Brown understands that he lost the Triple Crown? As long as they rubbed him down and fed him, he was fine.

That's why it was so tiring to hear the commentators insist that something must have been wrong with Big Brown and that's why he lost. At first, I could see them thinking that. The jockey did pull him up going down the stretch, but Kent Desormeaux did ride him down to the dismount area which is a pretty good indication that the horse wasn't hurt. The on track vet said it didn't look like anything was wrong. Then Kent pretty much said there wasn't anything physically wrong with the horse, and that he was probably tired which means Kent just admitted to a racing offense. Unless there is something wrong with your horse, you have to ride out the race because even if you aren't going to win, people could still have your horse in bets that go down to fourth place. It won't happen due to the PR side, but Kent could be fined for it. So, in essence, all the jockey did by pulling him up was protect the brand of Big Brown (it's better for his rep to say he was pulled up rather than that he lost). Oh, and it also made people watching the race worry that another tragic breakdown may be occurring in a high profile race. Thanks Kent.

Yet, even after all that, the commentators still insisted something was wrong with the horse. Well, there was. It's called NOT GOOD ENOUGH. Damn, if I had a dollar for every time a horse I bet on just didn't feel like running, I would have enough to pay for Big Brown's stud fee next year (and then I would have to get a mare or a freaky woman and a video camera). Sometimes they just don't fire. Some tried to excuse it by blaming a quarter crack on his hoof (lots of horses have run with worse), his training was messed up by the injury (if he was good enough.......) or he was taken off his monthly steroid injection. Well, that last one might be true, but I don't think these horses should be on regular steroid injections so if not running on it showed his true ability, then good. So, he was a good horse, not a great one.

I mentioned a couple of posts ago how councils in England are run by retardedly stupid people. They'll stand up to some grandmother wanting to put in a wading pool, but they must be terrified of the garbage men. They've allowed them to institute a policy where they don't have to empty wheeled garbage bins if they can't easily pull them with two fingers. Oh, and they don't actually have to dump the cans like the olden days. They have a hydraulic lift that dumps them. Gee, I bet you never have to worry about these guys just getting lazy and slapping stickers on cans.

Oh well. At least they are inconsistent. Some whackjob who stabbed her fiance 37 times is expected to get out of prison in 2011after only 14 years time. Nice. Protect the garbage men from garbage, but put a nutsack slasher back on the street. Next thing you know England will be let dangerous terrorists live freely in the country on the public dole rather than deporting them. Oh wait.........

And the Eliot Spitzer hooker case is back again. I mentioned a couple of months back that the little tart was suing Girls Gone Wild, but I was happy she wasn't claiming defamation. Well, I just didn't wait long enough. Apparently, she is now claiming damage to her reputation. Because being outed as a hooker must not be a stigma anymore. Her suit doesn't make much sense because she's claiming that the "he falsely advertised that she performed for its cameras, and falsely advertised its offer to her of a $1 million contract." The second part is a really weird statement because I know he did advertise the offer so if it was false, she had to have tried to collect on it. If that's the case, you can't claim you were defamed because he changed his mind after finding he has a video of you. As for the first, it doesn't make sense either. I saw a clip from the video where she was doing a "sexy" dance, except she wasn't doing very good. I hope she's better at screwing because she really couldn't dance that well. Still, even a bad performance is still a performance.

This column from a San Francisco newspaper does a really good job of explaining why I have a hard time understanding the whole Obama phenomenon. Actually, considering Hillary got as many if not more total votes than Obama, there seems to be a large media manufactured frenzy to it. Plus, I could toss this column away as the insane rantings of a Left Coast moron (which it really is), but others seem to be following this line of thought. The guy actually calls Obama a Lightworker which is some kind of New Age spiritual leader who will bring peace and stability to the galaxy. Kind of like the Force I guess. I really think some of Barak's supporters need to stop huffing paint because this whole cult thing is becoming a bit creepy. The whole Obamessiah thing is so bizarre to me because I can look beyond last August. It's only been a few years since Obama was an undistinguished state senator from Illinois who was peddling favors for a guy who runs ping pong tournaments and just happened to have Obama on a retainer. Sorry if I can't see the move from machine politician to deity on earth.

This was a pretty pathetic story. A video shows a man crossing the street get plowed into by a car veering into the oncoming lane while making an illegal pass. The guy lays there without anyone helping. Even better, if you look up the street in the video, someone actually backs up and turns around once they see him laying there. Way to stand proud Hartford, Connecticut.

Last week the Danish Embassy in Pakistan was hit with a suicide car bomb. This week the Pakistani ambassador to Denmark has placed the blame squarely on Danish newspapers for reprinting Muhammad cartoons. Let's see. Who would I give more blame to? A group of people exercising the press freedoms that are a major part of the civilized world? I don't think so. How about a culture so insecure and debased that murdering people over newspaper cartoons isn't just understood, it's expected?

Apparently, the ideological heirs to the Pakistani ambassador can be found in Canadian universities. Student government czars at York University have found a novel solution to the pesky problem of students who oppose abortion. Simply ban them from speaking their side of the debate. It's got to be easier than standing around with fingers in your ears and screaming. The nerve of some students to have contrary opinions. Actually, I'm not really surprised by this. Liberals are very intolerant people.

While it may appear that way, I don't avoid fruits and vegetables like they contain the plague. Now, I'm not a huge watermelon fan, but I do enjoy it sometimes. However, it is beyond belief to me that anyone would pay six grand for a single watermelon. But that's what happened in Japan. Not that I should be surprised. Japan is also the country with a strange obsession with toys related to taking a crap.

A female railroad employee was awarded almost $200K for sexual harassment. One of the claims was male employees were putting porno mags on her desk (after seeing her picture, they may have just wanted a distraction while talking to her). That's one lucky woman. Not only did get a wad of cash, she got a bunch of free porno magazines.

I always liked to see things go boom, and this video has one of the finest displays of military hardware I've seen in awhile.

The Belmont

For the seventh time since 1997, a horse is going for the Triple Crown in the Belmont. Big Brown will be a heavy favorite, but contrary to the belief of his trainer, Rick "I'm An Ass" Dutrow, it's not a 'foregone conclusion'. The last six who tried were Smarty Jones (04), Funny Cide (03), War Emblem (02), Charismatic (99), Real Quiet (98) and Silver Charm (97), and they all failed. Frankly, I don't think Big Brown is as good as Smarty, Real Quiet or Silver Charm. It's just the Belmont can be a killer. However, while most people talk about losing the Triple Crown at Belmont, ten horses since 1994 have won at least two legs of the Triple Crown since 1994. Thunder Gulch (95) won the Kentucky Derby and Belmont. Tabasco Cat (94), Point Given (01) and Afleet Alex (05) only lost the Derby. Fusaichi Pegasus (00) won the Derby and probably would have won the Belmont if he hadn't skipped it. I think all of those horses are better than Big Brown.

The point isn't that Big Brown will lose the Belmont. I'm not sure he will because with Casino Drive dropping out, it's not that good of a field. The point is that better horses than him in the past 15 years have failed. I think Big Brown is a product of a bad year for three year olds. Last year's crop of three year olds was great. You had Street Sense, Curlin and Rags To Riches all winning Triple Crown races. All three were really good horses (Curlin has become a great one), and that doesn't include Hard Spun who was also a really good horse. The fact that some horses were spread out almost 50 lengths back shows the Derby field sucked. And the Preakness had no Grade I Stakes winners besides Big Brown. That's the worst Preakness field I've ever heard of. With Casino Drive out, Big Brown isn't facing much in the Belmont either.

Does that mean Big Brown will win? Well, if I had to bet my life on a horse in the Belmont, it would certainly be Big Brown, but I'm not going to bet my money on him. Mainly because his odds will suck. Plus, I don't want to root for him to win. I like the horse fine. I like his jockey. I even like one of his sponsors and I'm hoping they use Hooter girls as hot walkers. But I don't like his trainer. I don't like his owners. Plus, I don't think it will be that good for the sport. I think if Big Brown wins the Derby, he'll never race again. They'll make up some excuse not to run him, and with him having hoof problems, it's already there. If he loses, we may get to see Big Brown face Curlin in the Breeder's Cup. If he beats Curlin, then I will agree on his greatness. If he retires at 6-0 with wins over a bunch of scrub horses, I'll think of him as unproven. I won a lot of money a lot of money when Birdstone went off at 36-1 and beat Smarty Jones in the '04 Belmont, but I was only betting against Smarty over the odds. Not because I didn't want him to win. I don't want Big Brown to win.

And I'm a lot more confident on Big Brown losing the Belmont than I was about him losing the Preakness. I didn't think there was any chance of him losing that one. Now, he's had another foot problem which may not be anything. But you never know. Plus, he's a marked horse. There have been accusations in the past that horses have "ganged up" on a favorite. The theory is they lose intentionally in order to stop another horse from winning. Well, I think it's pretty obvious the lesser horses will go after a favorite, but I really find it hard to believe that a jockey in a big stakes race would intentionally lose out of spite for another horse or its connections. A cheapie race, sure. Not a Triple Crown race. The Belmont purse is $1 million. The first place horse gets 60% with the jockey getting 10% of that. Winning the Belmont means the jockey will get about $60K for 2 1/2 minutes work. Second gets you $20K. Why would you take a chance on that kind of money? I watched the Smarty Jones loss in that Belmont when the jockeys for Rock Hard Ten and Eddington supposedly ran a different style than normal in an effort just to cause Smarty Jones to not get comfortable which led to his loss. Those horses also faded after rushing Smarty Jones which allowed Birdstone to catch Smarty. Well, Eddington and Rock Hard Ten faced Smarty in the Preakness when Smarty won while pulling away. Would it really make sense for those two horses to run the Belmont the same way when they couldn't stay close three weeks before? I don't buy it. I think their jockeys just wanted to get Smarty Jones off his game while hoping they could be there at the end.

So, if Big Brown gets knocked off his game, who can beat him. Well, Casino Drive is out. I'm also throwing out Da' Tara. He'll set the pace, but I can't see him holding on at a mile and half. Anak Nakal hasn't hit the board in 2008 with big losses to a lot of these same horses. Toss those quick. Guadalcanal is a strange case. I'm not sure how he ended up in this race since he's 0-5. Supposedly, his trainer put him in because he's proved in his last race that he can go this distance by barely losing. Except that was on turf. He hasn't proven anything dirt. The fact that his trainer isn't an idiot makes me really curious. I still can't justify him in any way, but I might throw some show money at him. Ready's Echo is another intriguing horse, but one I just can't talk myself into. Some thoughts are that he may like the distance, and he seems to have the ability to close well, but his starts suck. If he can't make up ground in the Peter Pan Stakes, I can't see him doing it here.

That leaves four horses. Tale of Ekati has done well on this track where he won the Wood Memorial, but I'm still not sure he's got the speed to do it. Macho Again and Ichabod Crane were driving at the end of the Preakness, but weren't really close to Big Brown. However, the Belmont is quite a bit longer than the Preakness (in racing terms anyway). Both those horses are rally horses who may be capable of running him down if there is much of a pace. Of the two, I prefer Macho Again as I did in the Preakness. The last contender is Denis of Cork. This horse finished third in the Derby and was well far back. But he was on the move after spending most of the race in last place. So, there's a good chance that with the extra distance and an early pace, he might be able to run down Big Brown. Denis of Cork also hasn't raced since the Derby. Birdstone and Empire Maker were the last two horses to stop a Triple Crown attempt at the Belmont, and both hadn't raced since the Derby. A fresh horse with a rally style running could be the best bet to pull off an upset. I'm probably going to go with with either Macho Again or Denis of Cork across the board. I'll also wait until the post parade to see how they look on the track before making a decision.

There have been some schmucks who are already putting Big Brown in the same class as Secretariat. Well, even if he wins the Triple Crown, I won't put him in Secretariat's class. Not unless he can finish like this:

Bo Diddley 1928-2008

The death of a great rock n' roll pioneer (he had such great hair)




who was also the punchline of Bo Jackson's best Nike commercial

European Regulations & Other Stories

I think it's pretty obvious that I don't think too much of European nanny-statism, but it's gotten to the point of absurd. In England, the neighborhood councils have so much power that they refused to let a woman put a wading pool in her garden. By wading pool, I mean .....well, wading pool. It's one of those 2 foot deep jobs that's only good for toddlers. Or oatmeal wrestling. The council realized just how stupid they looked, so they told her she could put out a wading pool for her grandchildren. If she got insurance and a lifeguard. I think worst part is that the neighbor manager (my guess is you have to be a unemployed drunkard for that job) decided to defend the idea that a kiddie pool needs a lifeguard by saying "we did not have sufficient assurances that the risks associated with providing such a facility would be well-managed." Facility? Does this ignorant bastard think she's putting in an Olympic size pool? Granted, I'm beginning to think a 2 foot deep pool might be more complicated than he could manage, but I've never felt our laws should be based on the most retarded among us.

And to prove the Chunnel isn't the only thing the Frogs and Limeys have in common, the French have decided that country line dancers need to be protected by the French government from untrained line dance instructors. Let me put this in a way that shows how stupid this is. Apparently in France, there is a criminal way of teaching people how to do the Boot Scootin' Boogie.

And yet, France is also a country where you can get an annulment if you find out someone else popped your bride to be's cherry. Gee, I wonder which religious/ethnic group is going to assert that right. Now, I'm not as outraged as others. If a groom or a bride feels like they were deceived prior to the wedding, annulment should be an option. What gets me about this article was that for this particular ethnic group, it is expected that the groom should come downstairs and show the wedding party the bloody sheets to show that the bride was indeed a virgin. Strangely enough, that's a party I would find an excuse to leave early. No word what a groom is supposed to do if he's a little kinky and wants to engage in other acts. Does he bring down the sheets if they're stained a different color?

I hope government officials don't read this story from Australia because they'll want to regulate the use of washers. Some kangaroo banger managed to put 16 steel washers on his johnson that later had to be cut off by hospital staff. For his sake, I hope they were big ones. I like the line "it is not clear how the situation arose." Since they got stuck, something probably arose. And I'm sure a lot of those firemen bitched to their supervisor that this wasn't something they trained for.

Not that US officials are covering themselves in glory. At least not in New York City. A couple there took the romantic route of getting married by the court clerk. They were turned down because the clerk was "tired and hungry". Let me repeat that. A court clerk was too "tired and hungry"to do her damned job. I'll have to try that one the next time the boss gives me an assignment. Although maybe I'm being too harsh. It's got to be awful tough to have to read a form and have them sign it. The sad thing is it's highly unlikely the clerk will get her ass fired like she should.

But enough of lackluster government bureaucrats. On to my favorite topic - naked women. An Israeli tourist in New Zealand decided to get back at some construction workers when they whistled at her. Her response? She took off her clothes. Man, she showed them. And the cops took her in and lectured her. "She was taken back to the police station and spoken to and told that was inappropriate in New Zealand." What a bunch of homos.

Well, this is certainly an interesting protest. In order to protest the military junta in Myanmar (also known as Burma), Panties For Peace is asking women to send their undies to the Burmese embassy in Canada. I think it's a little discriminatory. Why can't transvestites donate their panties? They're probably bigger. I love the reasoning though. Men in Myanmar fear that touching women's underwear will "sap their power". I think it can happen, but it just depends on how and where they touch women's underwear. I'm not sure getting them in the mail will do it, but I'm willing to offer myself as an experiment. So, any women (no transvestites) who read this need to send me their underwear. And I don't think one pair is enough to do it. Am I the only one who thinks this started as an excuse by men not to help with the laundry?

In a note not intended to be funny, I will give proper credit to all three presidential candidates for joining together to condemn the Sudanese government for their activities in Darfur. At this point, condemning Sudan for Darfur doesn't mean as much as it used to, but I am impressed that they actually used the term "genocide" which while very accurate is politically loaded. And while a lot of big names have joined the Darfur bandwagon in recent years, I can still remember when Nat Hentoff of the Village Voice (no, I don't read the Village Voice except for Hentoff and the personal ads) was the lone voice in the wilderness who would actually write about what was going on there. So, this is progress.

But since I can't mention politics without a dig at someone, Susan Sarandon said something to the effect that she'll move to Canada or Italy if John McCain gets elected. What? No Banger Sisters 2? I don't actually mind when celebrities make political statements, but I do mind when stupid celebrities make political statements. In this case, a stupid celebrity is making a political statement. After all, Sarandon is the one whose endorsement of Barack Obama included the wonderfully thought out reasoning of "I can't wait to see what he stands for." Silly me. I've always picked my candidates based on what they stand for.

In other Hollywood related content, Cracked.com had a list of the 6 Least Plausible Jobs Held by Steven Seagal Characters. I thought they left a big one off. Actor.

In other political news, I saw a headline that said Dan Seals was accused of buying votes by selling gasoline for $1.85. My immediate thought was "Dan Seals? The underated country singer who sang Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold)? He's running for Congress?" Then I saw the picture and figured pretty quick it was a different Dan Seals. Not sure what gave it away, but it might have been skin tone. Then I tried to figure out how this little stunt could possibly be legal since they are essentially giving over $2 a gallon of gas away to potential voters. Then I realized he was a Democrat running in Illinois so I have no doubt he'll get away with it.

Speaking of stupid, a 17 year old girl was busted for a DUI up in New York. Her attorney called it "not only embarrassing, but demeaning as well." It should be. Her excuse was that she was making out with a drunk guy and that's how she ended up blowing twice the legal limit. She should be embarrassed if that's the best excuse she could come up with. Still, if true, I was intrigued. If she can suck a .15 BAC out of some guy's lungs, how well can she.............figure it out for yourself.

In other crime news, a man dressed as a woman was arrested for groping elderly choir members of a church. In a related story, I proceeded to vomit after seeing the mugshot of this guy. Sure, I can understand dressing as a woman as the means to grope women who wouldn't want me touching them (and there are a lot of them), but I can't figure out why he went after geriatrics.

As a Steelers fan, this is hilarious. If you're a Bengals fan, probably not so much. Cincinnati wide receiver and general pain in the ass Chad Johnson is being sued for putting something up for raffle and then changing his mind or some such crap. Doesn't matter to me, but this characterization is gold. Opposing counsel says this about Johnson's intelligence, "mental agility of a small soap dish." Not a large soap dish. A small one. Why do I get the feeling the Bengals will have their 17th non-winning season since 1990?

And one other Hollywood story, Clint Eastwood did a little smackdown on Spike "I'm The Most Overrated Director Ever" Lee. Lee was critical of Eastwood's movies about the invasion of Iwo Jima for not showing black soldiers. Eastwood's response used the novel concept of historical accuracy by pointing out that the World War II services were still segregated and therefore only one unit on Iwo Jima was black. There are certainly stories of black soldiers that can be told, but if it's pre-Vietnam era, you're going to have a tough time fitting them into a general story about the war. Sure, you can do it in certain circumstances such as Cuba Gooding Jr as Doris Miller in Pearl Harbor. That was a true story so it easily fit, but in most cases, throwing a black soldier/sailor into the mix of a World War II movie was historically inaccurate. And in a lot of cases, flat stupid. Take U-571. The Americans sent a boat of sailors pretending to be Germans over to the sub to capture it. One of them was a black cook who would later know how to steer a German Uboat. That's sounds totally plausible. But it was just flat retarded to think they would take him with them knowing he would look a little out of place as a German. Yet, the people making the movie wanted a black guy along. If you really want to put blacks in pre-Vietnam war movies, you will have to focus on a black unit which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Glory was certainly a good movie. I never saw Tuskegee Airmen, but you could easily make movies about the buffalo soldiers who fought the Indian wars or the 761st Tank Battalion that served with Patton. Just throwing a black guy in there randomly to make a director feel good about himself is plain silly.

Of course, why should I be surprised that Lee would let historical accuracy get in the way of a good whine. After all, he thinks Hoosiers was racist because a team of whites beat a team in the state finals that was desegregated and had black players (see the 1:36 mark). Only problem is that Hickory High is based on Milan High School (161 students) which beat a desegregated team with black players to win the 1954 state championship. On a side note, they also beat an all-black team that included one of the best basketball players ever in Oscar Robertson. So, historically, Spike is full of crap as usual. Actually, I think Hoosiers is more racist against whites. After all, the premise of the finals is that it's a enormous upset for an all white team to beat a team that includes black players even though that is exactly what happened.

Belichick Still An Ass & Other News

Bill Belichick tried to impugn the credibility of former Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh after Walsh told some stories about his work to the NFL commissioner. Well, I don't know how reliable Walsh is in a lot of things, but I do know that Belichick has no credibility. It kind of shows when the commish flat out says he didn't believe Belichick's excuse that he didn't know it was against the rules to video opposing coaches (even though the rules are very concise on that point). Not to mention the fact that the NFL had sent a reminder letter to teams about illegal taping (most people assume it was directed at New England). One more thing in Walsh's favor is that he also accused the Patriots of allowing players on injured reserve to practice (also illegal) and low and behold, former Patriots' player Ross backed that allegation up. This is why I think Belichick is such an arrogant dick. He got caught cheating, and he has the nerve to question someone else's integrity?

Japan's customs service is a little embarrassed this month. It seems an officer decided to test his drug sniffing dog's abilities by putting $10K worth of weed in a random suitcase. The dog failed. And the officer couldn't remember where he left it (my guess is that it was his briefcase). Personally, I think it's just a ploy by the Japanese tourism industry to boost out of country visitors. A bunch of stoners are probably heading over right now in the hopes pot gets planted in their suitcase.

In another Memorial Day story, there is still one American World War I vet left alive. He looks awful good for 107. It seems pretty ironic. He apparently didn't face much combat in World War I, but he ended up being a prisoner of the Japanese during World War II because he was in the Philippines when they attacked. Considering the harsh treatment Japanese POWs faced, the fact that he's made it to 107 is impressive. Of course, he may have liked the medieval living conditions of a POW camp. After all, he did voluntarily move to West Virginia.

This was a shocking story. Absolutely shocking. A sports columnist actually criticized Danica Patrick's behavior at the Indy 500 when she was wrecked on pit road after touching wheels with driver Ryan Briscoe. She marched towards Briscoe's pit to do God only knows. I'm used to the suck-up columns like this one where he "loves Patrick's fire." Okay, douchebag, let me point out two things to you. First, Briscoe's crew was working on his car in the pit, and it's generally not considered safe to walk through the pit boxes during a race (as Patrick should know after running over someone in practice) so she's in the friggin' way. Second, what was she really going to do when she got there? Take a swing at him? To tell the truth, I wouldn't be surprised if she did. She knows full and well no driver is going to hit her back so it wouldn't take much guts to do it. It wouldn't be the first time Patrick's used her lack of external genitalia as a shield. Hopefully, this episode will make people realize that she's a petty little bitch and it gets on my nerves that she has a sanctified status. I really wish Sarah Fisher or Milka Duno would get on a better team and surpass Patrick so maybe people would ignore her.

Here's another reason I think the IRL is stupid. Ryan Hunter-Reay was named Rookie of the Year. Not for the series. For the Indy 500. What kind of stupid contest names the top rookie finisher of one race "Rookie of the Year"? It should be the top rookie of the entire season. As I mentioned before, Tony George controls American open wheel racing because he controls the Indy 500, but it also highlights the flaws in the IRL. Everything revolves around the Indy 500. Nobody cares about the other races.

Stripper story which I know everyone was waiting for. A stripper in Alabama is suing her former (I assume) employer for her drunk driving wreck. She says they encourage the "ladies" to get customers to buy them drinks to boost sales. It sounds like she just couldn't hold her liquor. The encouragement was supposedly getting a cut of the liquor sales. Well, getting a cut of all drinks sold is one thing, but how much could she have been getting per drink. Even if she got 10 drinks bought for her, the cut for those 10 probably wasn't that much. She would have probably been better off just pushing the drinks on the customer and not drinking herself. That was her business decision. I just hate these kind of stories. How can you write a stripper story and not have a picture of her? How do I know if she was worth buying a drink for?

In another NFL story, the 2012 Super Bowl has been announced for Indianapolis which means some sportswriting moron has to trash the mere thought of the Super Bowl not being in a more fun place. My response to Gene pretty much ends with "and the horse you rode in on." Whining about the cold is ridiculous because it's in a dome. And besides, I think it's crap that the Super Bowl is restricted to warm weather sites or domes. To begin with, weather is part of the game. What are they? A bunch of pansies? Deal with it. I think it would have been cool if Tampa and Oakland had played their Super Bowl in Green Bay. Plus, why shouldn't other cities get a chance to host the big event if they want to? Take Cincinnati. Why shouldn't it be able to host the Super Bowl (it'd be the only quality game in town)? To begin with, the host team gets perks such as a larger ticket allowance to the game so why should certain teams be excluded from ever getting that? Second, taxpayers of Cincinnati funded their stadium. If they are going to help subsidize the league, why shouldn't they get a chance for the economic benefits that come with it?

What really pissed me off about the column was Gene defended his position by saying it would be bad for the fans. What a load of pure unadulterated BS. Very few "fans" actually make into the game. Last year's Super Bowl had about 12,000 tickets going to season ticket holders of the two competing teams. Another 1000 went through a fan lottery by the NFL. So, the number of people who go to the game is minuscule in comparison to the ones who will be watching at home. What Gene is really bitching about is the fact that he will have to go to Indianapolis to cover the Super Bowl. Boo friggin hoo. His employer will pay him to attend the Super Bowl, and he's complaining. This isn't new. I wrote about another whiner last year. It's simply amazing to me that these dumbasses really believe that their readers, who have virtually no chance of ever going to a Super Bowl themselves, have any sympathy for their petty little predicament.

Speaking of the Super Bowl or at least the weekend, I found Phil's camera wedged under the back seat of my car. I left him a message but he hasn't called me back so I'm trying to remember the laws on unclaimed property. Also, click here to tell me to post the deck picture of Melissa that she didn't want getting out, but I now have.

Sitcom concept: Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher together. What kind of satanic force allowed this to happen? There could be scenes where they're talking at the same time. At that point, death may become a relief. I think I'll be blocking that show just so I don't accidentally stumble over it.

Oh, it's so cute when a politician stands up and looks stupid. Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin berates oil company execs for Chicago having higher gas prices than nearby Indiana (which Barak Obama may think is somewhere near Arkansas since Hillary won their primary). Completely oblivious to the fact that the price difference is due to the taxation level of Chicago. I hear politicians running this year by saying they're going to do something about high gas prices. Of course, the Democratic platform in 2006 said they would lower gas prices. I guess you could say they did if by lowering you mean it jumped from around $2.13 when they were sworn in back in January 2007 to the present amount. Isn't $3.99 a drop from $2.13? Anybody relying on the feds to lower gas prices better start saving up to buy more. Government is a good chunk of the problem. Not just for taxes. Government red tape stifles all kinds of stuff. I have nothing against alternative energy sources, but it's pretty damn stupid to waste money subsidizing ethanol which is causing food shortages while at the same time, making it harder to produce nuclear energy. If bozos in France can get 75% of their electricity from nuclear, why can't we? Oh right, red tape. Wouldn't it be nice if all those homes in the northeast were using electric heat thus saving heating oil for our transportation? Oh, wait, it may not make a difference. Another problem is the lack of refining capacity in this country. Why? Oh right, regulations make it so expensive to build a new refinery that we've gone 32 years without a new one. Actually, since Durbin is a Democrat and they cater to the environmental movement, shouldn't he want even higher gas prices so people drive less?

Since I like lower gas prices, I have to wonder what could be done. Could renewed domestic drilling be a solution? Well, Congress (including the members who claim they can lower gas prices) voted against the only real way to lower gas prices. Once again, Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin comes up with this ludicrous assertion, "we can't drill our way to lower gas prices." Let me think about that. How about a little lesson in basic supply and demand. The price of oil futures has shot up because of concerns about future supply as developing nations use more energy and three quarters of the oil out there (not counting the off limit reserves in the U.S.) is controlled by foreign companies which often means foreign governments which often mean dictatorships. So, Durbin is a genius. He apparently understands...........well, not much of anything. The only way to lower gas prices is to increase supply to meet the added demands. Or we could do it Durbin's route. Don't increase supply to meet demand. Let the price really go up. That'll cause a real economic slowdown much like the late '70s which was about 20 times worse than now. That will mean less energy use and will lower demand. If you don't have a job, who needs gas.

To give equal time, let me point out how stupid my party is. This gas price thing could be the easiest to understand issue. Yet, John McCain can't exploit it because he was one of the only Republicans to vote against expanding domestic oil production. Showing his wonderful sense of hypocrisy, McCain is against "forcing" California and Florida to allow offshore drilling because their people may not want it. Yet, he still votes against allowing more drilling in Alaska even though the people in Alaska are very much in favor of it. I guess he thinks the caribou are against it. Maybe he should talk to the caribou (ah, they probably wouldn't listen to him either) because they seem to be doing fine in spite of the other oil drilling up there.

Even more, let me introduce Republican Charles Grassley who is just as stupid on economics as Durbin. As I mentioned before, the government's rather foolish plan for subsidizing ethanol has led to high food prices without really doing anything to alleviate our reliance on foreign oil. Well, in the debate on food prices, Grassley brings up this gem "What does the cost of corn have to do with the price of wheat or rice?" Let me explain substitution first. If the price of one food commodity is artificially inflated (as corn has become due to ethanol mandates) and a third of it isn't being used in food, people have to turn to other food products. Therefore, since 30% of corn is being produced solely for ethanol, demand for wheat and rice go up. That causes prices to go up. Then there is another problem. Ethanol mandates have caused a price rise in corn. If you're growing wheat and can make more growing corn, why wouldn't you grow more corn? Therefore, supply of wheat will go down. Less supply + more demand = higher wheat prices. It's supply and demand. This concept is so basic that you can learn about it in the dictionary.

Since we're on politics, I must mention that Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor with poor long term prognosis. I wasn't going to mention this story because there was that old remark that went along the lines of if you can't say something nice about someone then don't say anything at all. Then I remembered that I'm happier saying things that aren't nice. I'm going to admit this deep dark secret. Contrary to popular belief, I don't wish death on very many people. I have never actually wished death on Ted Kennedy. I just wish he would go away. That said, I'm not going pretend that this story really affects me in any way. Certainly not more than a random obit in the local paper. I'm not going to rehash why I can't stand the man, but I have nothing good to say about Kennedy and the fact that he's mortal isn't going to change my opinion of him. It's sad for his friends and family (of which I don't qualify), but I'm not going to be dishonest and pretend this is somehow important to me. Certainly not as important as the death of Harvey Korman. That guy played Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles which goes far and away beyond anything Kennedy ever did.

Why do we keep ripping off reality shows from England? The newest one is some stupid show where a millionaire wanders the street pretending to be poor to interact with the local street trash. The only thing I would have to look forward to on this show would be to see if he gets shanked by a schizophrenic homeless man for his shoes. I'm sure the people of the community are completely in the dark about their wandering millionaire. I always take it at face value when the local homeless are followed around by camera crews. What I found really sad about the article was that it said the Limey version "won the prestigious Rose d'Or award in 2007 for the best reality series". Sorry, chumps. No award for best reality show is prestigious.

And finally, Tonya Harding is coming back. She's got a biography coming out. Well, a bunch of interviews which I will probably never read. I hope it all works out for her. I've always had a soft spot in my.........well, let's just say heart......for her. Of all the celebrity sex tapes I've ever seen, her's was one of the better ones. She was quite the little minx. She worked her ass off in that video. Pamela Anderson's was good, because mostly she was really hot, but she also seemed stoned through half of it and really didn't put in a lot of effort. Ditto for Paris Hilton who didn't really add much to hers. I won't watch the Amy Fisher tape on general principle. By general principle, I mean she's not that attractive or really much of a celebrity. Kim Kardashian was the absolute worst. Maybe she was weighed down by that gigantic ass, but she just kind of laid there. So, I'll give Tonya credit for her performance. I think she skated or something like that too, but I really can't remember.

Memorial Day

Auto Racing & Other News

Figured Memorial Day weekend was a good time to take another look at the sport of auto racing since tomorrow will be the duo of the Indy 500 (I don't have much interest) and Coca-Cola 600 (lot of interest). Actually, what really made me think of it was ESPN.com's top 25 race car drivers (from all series). A couple of things stood out for me. How did Shirley Muldowney get voted higher than fellow drag racer Don Garlits? Both had three series titles, but Garlits had 144 event titles to her 18. How does that make any sense? Of course, I don't see how you put Dale Earnhardt ahead of Richard Petty (and I doubt they would have if he hadn't died). Same number of titles, but Petty had 200 wins to Earnhardt's 77. Considering he wasn't winning more than a couple of races as his career wound down, Earnhardt probably wasn't going to catch Cale Yarborough's 83 let alone Petty.

What I found really egregious was Tony Stewart being listed 16 which put him ahead of both Darrell Waltrip and Bobby Allison. It's highly retarded that Allison isn't on the list, but Stewart is. I wondered why until I noticed that one of the voters was ......... Tony Stewart. They also seem to give some attention to the fact that Stewart won the IRL title in 1997. That's a joke. The IRL was a joke in 1997 (and isn't a whole lot better now). All the best drivers were in CART and the biggest names (Eddie Cheever; Arie Luyendyk) were past their prime drivers who couldn't cut it in CART. The IRL was so down that it only ran 10 races that year and was letting anyone with a pulse and a driver's license try out for the Indy 500. Showing how bad the IRL was, two CART drivers entered the 2000 Indy 500 and one, Juan Pablo Montoya, crushed the field.

Speaking of the IRL being a joke, it happens every year lately that around the Indy 500, open wheel racing reporters begin talking up how great the IRL is becoming again. That's because this is the only weekend where IRL ratings are remotely comparable to NASCAR. If the future of IRL is so bright, why are the past two IRL champs, Dario Franchitti and Sam Hornish Jr, racing in NASCAR this year? The only reason there has been a recent rebound in the popularity was the appeal of Danica Patrick to young girls and men who like young girls or at least pretty women who are built like a ten year old girl. I haven't figured out why they don't push Milka Duno. She's got a better rack.

The one that bugged me the most was this chump who thinks the future is bright because Tony George is in charge of the IRL. Tony George is the guy who caused the problems for open wheel racing that allowed NASCAR to completely dominate auto racing in America. He thought open racing had too many foreigners, was dominated by the large teams, was too expensive and should stick to ovals. So, using the fact that he controlled the Indy 500 (the only open wheel race anyone cared about), George forced a split by forming the IRL and forcing out the other CART teams (who came back this year after CART went bankrupt). So, where is it now? Nine of the top 15 drivers are from foreign countries. It's dominated by the large teams. It's becoming more expensive. And they're adding more road courses. So, the IRL is pretty much like the pre-split CART with less popularity. Great job.

In non-auto racing news, it is Memorial Day weekend, and a story has come out saying 1000 World War II vets are dying a day. One researcher thinks that number is low, but I was originally surprised that it was 1000. I guess I forget how long ago World War II really was because I long had a personal connection to it since my grandfather was in the Army in Hawaii when Pearl Harbor was bombed. So, it never seemed that far in the distant past. Yet, in hindsight, he was 84 when he died three years ago. Granted he was older than a lot of other WWII vets, but you have to think the war ended in 1945 so 1928 was really the last year any were born. That means just about all WWII vets are 80 or older. Since the vast majority were men, I'm actually a bit surprised that 2.5 million out of 16 million total serving are still alive today.

Speaking of WWII, this could have been an interesting article about a German archaeological homo, but they had make a connection to pop culture which I must dispel. The article claims he was the inspiration for Indiana Jones because he also searched for the Holy Grail. Even using the term "undoubtedly" even though the premise is highly doubtful. For one, while a lot of real people were claimed as the inspiration for Jones, the producers always said they based it on old B movies from the 30s. Second, Jones never joined the SS, and in fact, seemed to have problems with Nazis. Third, the only connection is that both were archaeologists looking for the Holy Grail, but Jones only went looking for it because of his father. Oh, and it wasn't until the third movie that Jones went looking for it which means he is obviously based on something other than queer Nazi digger.

This would be your typical older woman sleeps with teenage boy story except the one little line about how it all began. He apparently wanted pictures of her boobage, but she sent picture of Pamela Anderson's. Now, I freely admit that I'm not too discriminating when someone sends me boob pictures, but you might notice this chick was black. And Anderson is not. So, if he really thought he was going to be banging a chick with knockers like Pamela Anderson, he's a dumbass.

I actually read the original story when it came out. A substitute teacher was fired (how do you fire a substitute? don't they work as on call?) and claimed he was told it was over "wizardry" after he did a magic trick in his class. I never even considered linking to it on the blog because it sounded like complete BS the moment I read it. Seriously. Who even uses the term "wizardry" any more? Now, if I could find that story highly suspect, shouldn't Keith Olbermann who has a research staff have done a little more checking before he ran with it? Maybe a phone call?

And the surrender to Eurabia continues. Dutch police sent in the swat team to take down cartoonist for insulting Muslims.

That chick in the story above wasn't the only female sending naked pictures over the cell phone. Two in Santa Fe, Texas sent naked pictures to boyfriends. The difference was they sent naked pictures of themselves. And they were in junior high school. A lot has changed since I was in junior high. We didn't have cell phones.

I've never been a big fan of Shania Twain. Well, not of her music. I would have given Phil's left arm to do her. Now, I'm not so sure. When I heard she was divorcing Mutt Lange, my first thought was he was just tired of being married. Then I heard there was another woman, so I assumed it was some fine young lass. Then I saw a picture of the other woman. Now, I wonder what could be wrong with Shania if that's what he dumped her for. Hell, who am I kidding? I'd still do her and put up with whatever crap drove Mutt away.

I didn't watch the Academy of Country Music awards, and I didn't realize that they were letting the public to vote on Entertainer of the Year. That is until I read that Kenny Chesney won and promptly started bitching about the fact that they let fans vote. So, this guy becomes a big star by ripping off Jimmy Buffett and dodging gay rumors, and he wants to basically say fans are too stupid to pick the Entertainer of the Year?

Some Girl Scout in Michigan set some kind of record by selling over 17,000 of their overpriced, overrated cookies. And did it by manning a booth on a street corner. Unfortunately, she's only 15. If she was a year or two older, I would use the obvious joke that she wore her Girl Scout uniform from six years ago and her buyers were primarily men. At only 15, that might be a little creepy. Maybe her mom was hot and wore her uniform. Or maybe guys stopping by her street corner were looking for hookers and bought cookies to avoid suspicion of vice cops.

In China, a restaurant is causing some controversy by filling their urinal (it's a trough) with carp. Come on people. It's China. Two thirds of the country probably use the local waterways as their bathroom. These fish aren't going to have a problem with a little urine. They may die because the water doesn't hold the lead and mercury they're used to.

Preakness & Other News

I found out the problem with having your cable, internet and phone all wrapped up with one company. My cable was down three hours on Saturday, and while I could probably pick up NBC enough to watch the Preakness, I couldn't bet on my online account without internet. And I couldn't go to a phone backup because the home phone was down and my cell phone is a work phone which means I'm not calling a gambling service on it. Fortunately it got back up so that I could throw my hard earned money on animals running in a circle and even better, be able to watch it clearly. Not that there was much suspense as Big Brown won easily as I and pretty much everyone thought he would. It was so easy that I'm not sure he broke a sweat. I think they could have grabbed a dozen more fresh horses and run the race a second time and Big Brown would have won both. Since it didn't seem to take much out of him, I'm not sure anyone's going to beat him unless that shooter from Japan can do it. Unfortunately, that means we'll have a Triple Crown winner who some (including me) will question the greatness of because he ran against a bunch of nags.

The good news is that I took my own advice and placed a $10 win/place/show bet on Macho Again ($30) because I thought he could pull it off if Big Brown bounced. Well, Big Brown didn't bounce, but, when you look at the payouts (2.40 win, 2.60 place, 2.40 show) for his really small odds, betting Big Brown to win was a sucker bet. The same $30 win/place/show bet on Big Brown would have paid back $37 which means you net $7. Macho Again paid $17.20 to place and $10.40 to show. So, that $30 bet paid back $138 for a nice $108 net. Remember, kids, you don't have to bet win every time.

A woman is suing the authorities because her son committed suicide while in solitary confinement. I find this interesting because there are a lot of people around the country trying to legalize doctor assisted suicide. If we accept assisted suicide, then shouldn't the next step be allowing people who want to kill themselves to do so? I'm willing to bet a lot of the terminally ill cases that are used as examples to push assisted suicide legislation also had issues with clinical depression. If a terminally ill person with depression is allowed suicide, why not just a depressed person? As for the young man who killed himself, he sounds like a real scumbag murderer who saved the state the cost of a trial, appeals and execution. In fact, I think his mom should be sued for raising such a rotten ass kid.

In another murder story, a 46 year old woman ran over her 90 year old husband after a parking lot fight. He died. My first thought was to give the old dude a thumbs up for nabbing a woman 44 years younger than him. Then I saw her picture. God, I hope his eyesight was failing. I don't know what her problem is. Was she too impatient for time to take care of this?

I was watching the early telecast of Preakness day on ESPN. Now, I realize sports journalists try to take themselves seriously, but ESPN has a vested interest in keeping the sport up. They carry the early races on Triple Crown race days. Yet, they were running all kinds of reports about what's causing the problem of horses breaking down. It would be like the pregame shows for the 1990 NCAA basketball championship discussing whether basketball should try to lessen the athletic part of the game because Hank Gathers died of a heart condition while playing. It would be one thing if we had a new and chronic problem going on, but not to harp on (or use a beating a dead horse pun) something I've mentioned before, the fact is the perception that horses are dying left and right during races is seriously flawed. Then I saw this little nugget. Someone who actually documents horse racing death says that we're actually seeing fewer of these deadly breakdowns in the past decade. Which actually undercuts all the arguments about breeding, training, whips and chains, and other "causes" of horses not being as strong as in the past. If the horses aren't actually breaking down as much as in the past, maybe anecdotal evidence about infirmities is wrong. In defense of ESPN, they did allow one geneticist to point out that claiming breeding styles of the past 10-15 years have led to genetic infirmities in horses is silly because that's not enough time for the genetics of horses to change like that.

Someone doesn't seem to understand how to burglarize a home. I would grab the goods and go. This guy decided to move in. In fact, he was caught by the police while taking a crap in the home's bathroom.

Yeah, the story is from The Sun so there is probably a question of validity, but it's still funny. Man suspects wife is cheating. Man tries to sell her on ebay. Complete with nice pic of wife. I have a couple of thoughts. One, he got some great bids considering the picture showed his wife picking her nose. Must be a British fetish. Second, why would you pay for her? If she's cheating on her husband, just find out where she lives. You might be able to find her and get her for the price of a couple of drinks.

Sadly, the Utah Jazz lost to the Lakers to be eliminated from the NBA playoffs. This leaves me a lot less interested in watching basketball especially if Cleveland loses and takes the only other reason to watch, LeBron James. That means baseball will be even more pervasive. I stumbled across some chump who gave reasons why baseball is great, and in doing so lists a few reasons why baseball really sucks. He actually likes the four hour games. I wouldn't have a problem with four hour games except in baseball, a good chunk of the four hours is doing nothing interesting unless you consider readjusting your junk (for fourth time) interesting. He mentions that baseball stats are "sacred". Well, I said it before and I'll say it again - stats in baseball are stupid. To begin with, they rejigger the rules constantly to change the advantages - i.e. too much scoring, raise the pitcher's mound. Even worse, how can you take home run numbers seriously when all the ballparks are shaped differently with no standard on distance to the walls? That would be like one basketball arena moving the 3 point line out because all their shooters stink. But the line that really got me was "'Field of Dreams' struck a deep chord with Americans because so much of the movie is true." I've long argued that Field of Dreams showing the pureness of baseball is complete garbage because here's what's true about it. It's waxing nostalgically about an era when a team took money to throw the World Series.

I like the other guy's column on why baseball sucks.

A big controversy is erupting in LA because some people think it would be smart to recycle the treated sewage water back into the drinking supply. Actually, to tell the truth, I don't see what's wrong with this. If people are squeamish, do like Japan and install "dirty water" pipes that go to toilets (or should have). Even better, kill two birds by building a pipeline out to the agricultural areas and have the treated sewer water used for irrigation so river water can be used for drinking. I saw the Dirty Jobs episode where he was at the processing plant and that water came out awful clean. Besides, it's not like river water isn't full of animal crap.

Science is finally studying the important stuff. Some group of doctors or possibly perverts got together and decided on a definition of "premature ejaculation". Apparently, it's if you can't last one minute. No word on whether that minute includes the time it takes to pull the money out of your wallet.

There are some stories that are cringe worthy, and this breast feeding one is certainly that. Now, I think breast feeding is good thing for children. Even if the woman wants to do it in public (discretely) and isn't horribly unattractive. But I have to question whether a seven year old child should still be breast feeding (and if you don't want to see a video of seven year old being breastfed or think it's not safe for work, don't click on the link). I also have to ask what kind of cult are you running when your grade school daughters are so obsessed with breast feeding that they name your knockers and it's the featured attraction in their artwork. I guess it's a good thing that the mother doesn't expect to still be breast feeding her daughter when she goes to college. That might seem a bit extreme.

2008 Kentucky Primary Election

Next Tuesday, the Presidential primaries come to Kentucky. For once, two active candidates will be on the ballot for one of the parties (the Democratic Party for those living in a cave). For some reason, Kentucky has long held the belief that they shouldn’t be involved in selecting presidential nominees since our primary is more than four months after the season opens and has always been done well after the nominee is decided. At least with two people still campaigning, my 13 hour day as a precinct judge may be a little more involved. Of course, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to tell a person they can’t vote in the partisan races because apparently 1100 Fayette county voters switched their party affiliation in 2008 (my guess is because they wanted to vote in the Democratic primary). I further guess they are unaware that December 31, 2007 was the cut off for switching your registered party and still voting in the primary.

One interesting thing came out of the election day training. There are six Republicans (McCain, Romney, Keyes, Huckabee, Paul, Giuliani) and three Democrats (add Edwards) still on the sample ballot. Apparently, all of them filed to be on the primary ballot and none officially withdrew. As a Republican who doesn’t really care that much for John McCain, I think that’s a good thing. It allows me to vote for someone else as a reminder that my vote for him isn’t automatic which is apparently happening already. McCain clinched the nomination with his win in Ohio. In the four races since then, McCain has failed to hit 80%, so over 20% of Republicans in those states still took the time to go to the polls and vote for someone else even though McCain can’t lose the nomination. And most of them weren’t wackjob Ron Paul supporters. Obama groupies have said that voting for their candidate will lead to great change for the country and make people who vote for him a better person. Since Obama’s platform is warmed over liberal Democratic rhetoric going back 30 years, that must mean voting for a black guy is what makes you a better person. Because of that, I will be voting for Alan Keyes. As far as I know, Keyes’ mother wasn’t white, so I will be an even better person than the Obama supporters. Obviously much better than Hillary supporters because voting for a woman is just silly.

The Republican primary is definitely pro forma since all the other candidates have dropped out even if they are still on the ballot. It’s the Democratic race that is fascinating because there is beginning to be some real hostility out there. The big news on that front is that a lot of people want Hillary to drop out. I don’t know why they think Hillary would quit now. She's only been planning this run for most of her lifetime. Since the Democrats routinely grab the new face over the retreads (Carter, Dukakis, Bill and now Obama never had a high presidential profile until they ran), it's really her only shot. The stated reason people want Hillary out is because she has no way of winning. That’s not really correct. She’ll never be able to get the 2,025 pledged delegates that she needs to win. However, Barak Obama only has 1,875 pledged delegates which means he needs at least 150 out of the 189 delegates in the last five primaries (thanks to stupid ass caucuses, those numbers may not be 100% accurate, but they’re basically correct). Since he’s not going to win Kentucky or get 100% of the vote in other states (Democratic primaries are usually not winner-take-all), I don’t see that happening. Therefore, neither candidate will win the Democratic presidential nomination without the Superdelegates (party leaders who aren’t “pledged” based on primary and caucus votes).

SIDE NOTE: Interesting reason Barak Obama has why he expects to lose Kentucky (and did lose WV) to Clinton. "What it says is that I'm not very well known in that part of the country. Sen. Clinton, I think, is much better known, coming from a nearby state of Arkansas." As opposed to Obama's Illinois. As the map shows, seven states border Kentucky. They are Indiana, Ohio, West Virginia, Virginia, Tennessee, Missouri and Illinois. Wait a minute? There's Illinois, but where's Arkansas?

Now, Obama is picking up Superdelegate pledges left and right, but that’s expected since everyone assumes he’ll win. Superdelegates are party leaders (which means they are politicians) who will eventually want something so if there is a President Obama, you don’t want him reminding you of your Hillary support when you come asking. Yet, Superdelegates may pledge their vote to a candidate, but they don’t actually vote until convention. That means if something bad for Obama were to come up between the end of the primaries and the convention, votes could change. Say a video of Obama smoking crack with a naked 12 year old was to surface. I can’t say from personal experience that such a situation would harmful to one's reputation (no, I really can’t), but it would probably cause him to withdraw from the race and guess who is standing there with a lot of delegates? I’m not saying that I think Obama has ever done anything like that (but there was a time I thought a sitting president would never risk his position by getting hummers from a chubby intern in the Oval Office), but it may not have to be that bad. If something else came up that made Superdelegates begin to think he can’t win the general election, who knows how some of them would react?

Would it really take that much to put doubt about Obama in Superdelegate’s minds? The media and party leadership have pretty much said the race is over with Obama winning. Normally, in a case like that, the party faithful rally to the anointed one. Why haven’t they done so with Obama? Since winning the Wisconsin primary in February, Obama’s only big wins were North Carolina and Mississippi where a large enough group of primary voters were black (34 and 50% respectively) and went 90% for him. In the same time frame, Hillary has won Texas, Ohio (by a lot) and Pennsylvania (by a lot). And when everyone is saying that the race is definitely over, she beats him 67 to 26 in West Virginia? It makes you wonder if some Democratic voters are beginning to think they jumped on the Obama bandwagon a little too early. It’s one thing to ignore West Virginia (God knows I try), but if Obama can’t pull Ohio and Pennsylvania in November, he’s in trouble. Plus, Obama’s core support is blacks and hard core liberals which are not likely to cross over to the Republican side. He’s simply not pulling the swing voters which is why polls show a lot more Clinton supporters than Obama honks saying they’ll flip to McCain if their candidate isn’t the nominee. Now this is all silly speculation because I doubt very seriously that the Superdelegates would give the nomination to Clinton when Obama has more pledged delegates. There will be a convention riot if that were to happen.

Plus, another reason Hillary isn’t leaving are the reports are that she is willing to take the Vice Presidency. If she can finish strong and finish 150 total delegates behind Obama, he might decide he needs to put her on the ticket to keep all her supporters on board. I’m not sure it would be that great an idea. Most political studies of voting patterns have shown that very few people ever make their presidential pick based on who the running mate is. Besides, Bob Novak says Michelle Obama won’t stand for Hillary being on the ticket. Two bitches on a campaign is one too many. Plus, she doesn’t want her husband dying from a suicide by six shots to the back. Still, even without the Vice Presidency offer, a strong Clinton finish means she would have some influence on the party platform. Not sure what she would put in there that Obama wouldn’t want since politically, they aren’t that far apart. If there is something, the last thing the Obama camp wants is to alienate Clinton supporters by pushing her to the side.

I can’t really blame Hillary for being somewhat angry about how everything transpired. Sure, everything was done in a cold, calculating way and purely for political gain, but Hillary played the political game that was supposed to put her into position to get the nomination. She stuck by her husband when his personal “habits” almost derailed his candidacy and second term. She dutifully moved into a more traditional First Lady role when it was apparent that her policy activity was harming Bill’s presidency. As a Senator, she sucked up (in a non-Lewinsky way, I hope) to all the Democratic constituencies. She set up a PAC to dole out campaign money to other Democratic candidates. She actually made an effort to work with Republicans so people would think she was a centrist even though she’s not.

So what happened to her? She’s losing to some guy who says he can unite the country even though he’s never shown an ability to work with the other party (or even unite his own). A guy who preaches change while running on the same platform as her (with no track record of getting much accomplished) and who has a rep for missing controversial votes or skipping work while claiming to be heavily involved. A guy who believes simply electing him will impress the world even though the world has proven they aren’t interested in that. She sucked up to Al Sharpton while running for Senate in New York, and then watched him endorse Obama. When the Senate votes to essentially condemn a Moveon.org ad, Hillary votes against it while Obama skips town to avoid going on the record. Yet, he still gets Moveon’s endorsement. She can’t even rely on the feminist movement which used to claim they wanted a female president. She can’t even brag about the Hamas endorsement since that went to Obama. Even the once pliant press who wouldn't think of asking her a hard question when she ran for Senate has apparently found their new star. When you have to use a defense of Hitler at Munich in an effort to defend Barak Obama and you do so willingly, some people might think you're in the tank for Obama.

Even worse, she can’t count on former officials who owe their start to being in Bill Clinton’s administration. Let’s face it. Bill Richardson and Robert Reich would still be nobodies if Bill Clinton had appointed them to his cabinet. Now Richardson is governor of New Mexico (and can claim to have been one of the worst candidates in the Democratic Presidential primary this year). As for Reich, he’s………well, he’s still a nobody, but at least he can claim to have been a cabinet officer although I would advise him not to mention that it was Secretary of Labor. No offense to the Department of Labor, but it’s not exactly a glamour position (can anyone name a part of it besides OSHA? I can, but I'm probably the exception). Look at the list of former Secretary of Labor and tell me who besides George Shultz is well known for government service (and his certainly isn’t for being Secy of Labor). Even though Elizabeth Dole is now a Senator, I still think of her as primarily having been Bob Dole’s wife (and the collateral damage from his Viagra use). Ditto with Elaine Chao who is married to Mitch McConnell. It’s a nothing job. But I digress.

If I didn’t dislike Hillary so much, I might actually feel sorry for her. Since I find her to be a cold, calculating bitch who routinely stabbed supporters in the back and pandered to some of the worst elements while trying to get ahead, I think the whole thing is rather funny.