European Regulations & Other Stories

I think it's pretty obvious that I don't think too much of European nanny-statism, but it's gotten to the point of absurd. In England, the neighborhood councils have so much power that they refused to let a woman put a wading pool in her garden. By wading pool, I mean .....well, wading pool. It's one of those 2 foot deep jobs that's only good for toddlers. Or oatmeal wrestling. The council realized just how stupid they looked, so they told her she could put out a wading pool for her grandchildren. If she got insurance and a lifeguard. I think worst part is that the neighbor manager (my guess is you have to be a unemployed drunkard for that job) decided to defend the idea that a kiddie pool needs a lifeguard by saying "we did not have sufficient assurances that the risks associated with providing such a facility would be well-managed." Facility? Does this ignorant bastard think she's putting in an Olympic size pool? Granted, I'm beginning to think a 2 foot deep pool might be more complicated than he could manage, but I've never felt our laws should be based on the most retarded among us.

And to prove the Chunnel isn't the only thing the Frogs and Limeys have in common, the French have decided that country line dancers need to be protected by the French government from untrained line dance instructors. Let me put this in a way that shows how stupid this is. Apparently in France, there is a criminal way of teaching people how to do the Boot Scootin' Boogie.

And yet, France is also a country where you can get an annulment if you find out someone else popped your bride to be's cherry. Gee, I wonder which religious/ethnic group is going to assert that right. Now, I'm not as outraged as others. If a groom or a bride feels like they were deceived prior to the wedding, annulment should be an option. What gets me about this article was that for this particular ethnic group, it is expected that the groom should come downstairs and show the wedding party the bloody sheets to show that the bride was indeed a virgin. Strangely enough, that's a party I would find an excuse to leave early. No word what a groom is supposed to do if he's a little kinky and wants to engage in other acts. Does he bring down the sheets if they're stained a different color?

I hope government officials don't read this story from Australia because they'll want to regulate the use of washers. Some kangaroo banger managed to put 16 steel washers on his johnson that later had to be cut off by hospital staff. For his sake, I hope they were big ones. I like the line "it is not clear how the situation arose." Since they got stuck, something probably arose. And I'm sure a lot of those firemen bitched to their supervisor that this wasn't something they trained for.

Not that US officials are covering themselves in glory. At least not in New York City. A couple there took the romantic route of getting married by the court clerk. They were turned down because the clerk was "tired and hungry". Let me repeat that. A court clerk was too "tired and hungry"to do her damned job. I'll have to try that one the next time the boss gives me an assignment. Although maybe I'm being too harsh. It's got to be awful tough to have to read a form and have them sign it. The sad thing is it's highly unlikely the clerk will get her ass fired like she should.

But enough of lackluster government bureaucrats. On to my favorite topic - naked women. An Israeli tourist in New Zealand decided to get back at some construction workers when they whistled at her. Her response? She took off her clothes. Man, she showed them. And the cops took her in and lectured her. "She was taken back to the police station and spoken to and told that was inappropriate in New Zealand." What a bunch of homos.

Well, this is certainly an interesting protest. In order to protest the military junta in Myanmar (also known as Burma), Panties For Peace is asking women to send their undies to the Burmese embassy in Canada. I think it's a little discriminatory. Why can't transvestites donate their panties? They're probably bigger. I love the reasoning though. Men in Myanmar fear that touching women's underwear will "sap their power". I think it can happen, but it just depends on how and where they touch women's underwear. I'm not sure getting them in the mail will do it, but I'm willing to offer myself as an experiment. So, any women (no transvestites) who read this need to send me their underwear. And I don't think one pair is enough to do it. Am I the only one who thinks this started as an excuse by men not to help with the laundry?

In a note not intended to be funny, I will give proper credit to all three presidential candidates for joining together to condemn the Sudanese government for their activities in Darfur. At this point, condemning Sudan for Darfur doesn't mean as much as it used to, but I am impressed that they actually used the term "genocide" which while very accurate is politically loaded. And while a lot of big names have joined the Darfur bandwagon in recent years, I can still remember when Nat Hentoff of the Village Voice (no, I don't read the Village Voice except for Hentoff and the personal ads) was the lone voice in the wilderness who would actually write about what was going on there. So, this is progress.

But since I can't mention politics without a dig at someone, Susan Sarandon said something to the effect that she'll move to Canada or Italy if John McCain gets elected. What? No Banger Sisters 2? I don't actually mind when celebrities make political statements, but I do mind when stupid celebrities make political statements. In this case, a stupid celebrity is making a political statement. After all, Sarandon is the one whose endorsement of Barack Obama included the wonderfully thought out reasoning of "I can't wait to see what he stands for." Silly me. I've always picked my candidates based on what they stand for.

In other Hollywood related content, Cracked.com had a list of the 6 Least Plausible Jobs Held by Steven Seagal Characters. I thought they left a big one off. Actor.

In other political news, I saw a headline that said Dan Seals was accused of buying votes by selling gasoline for $1.85. My immediate thought was "Dan Seals? The underated country singer who sang Everything That Glitters (Is Not Gold)? He's running for Congress?" Then I saw the picture and figured pretty quick it was a different Dan Seals. Not sure what gave it away, but it might have been skin tone. Then I tried to figure out how this little stunt could possibly be legal since they are essentially giving over $2 a gallon of gas away to potential voters. Then I realized he was a Democrat running in Illinois so I have no doubt he'll get away with it.

Speaking of stupid, a 17 year old girl was busted for a DUI up in New York. Her attorney called it "not only embarrassing, but demeaning as well." It should be. Her excuse was that she was making out with a drunk guy and that's how she ended up blowing twice the legal limit. She should be embarrassed if that's the best excuse she could come up with. Still, if true, I was intrigued. If she can suck a .15 BAC out of some guy's lungs, how well can she.............figure it out for yourself.

In other crime news, a man dressed as a woman was arrested for groping elderly choir members of a church. In a related story, I proceeded to vomit after seeing the mugshot of this guy. Sure, I can understand dressing as a woman as the means to grope women who wouldn't want me touching them (and there are a lot of them), but I can't figure out why he went after geriatrics.

As a Steelers fan, this is hilarious. If you're a Bengals fan, probably not so much. Cincinnati wide receiver and general pain in the ass Chad Johnson is being sued for putting something up for raffle and then changing his mind or some such crap. Doesn't matter to me, but this characterization is gold. Opposing counsel says this about Johnson's intelligence, "mental agility of a small soap dish." Not a large soap dish. A small one. Why do I get the feeling the Bengals will have their 17th non-winning season since 1990?

And one other Hollywood story, Clint Eastwood did a little smackdown on Spike "I'm The Most Overrated Director Ever" Lee. Lee was critical of Eastwood's movies about the invasion of Iwo Jima for not showing black soldiers. Eastwood's response used the novel concept of historical accuracy by pointing out that the World War II services were still segregated and therefore only one unit on Iwo Jima was black. There are certainly stories of black soldiers that can be told, but if it's pre-Vietnam era, you're going to have a tough time fitting them into a general story about the war. Sure, you can do it in certain circumstances such as Cuba Gooding Jr as Doris Miller in Pearl Harbor. That was a true story so it easily fit, but in most cases, throwing a black soldier/sailor into the mix of a World War II movie was historically inaccurate. And in a lot of cases, flat stupid. Take U-571. The Americans sent a boat of sailors pretending to be Germans over to the sub to capture it. One of them was a black cook who would later know how to steer a German Uboat. That's sounds totally plausible. But it was just flat retarded to think they would take him with them knowing he would look a little out of place as a German. Yet, the people making the movie wanted a black guy along. If you really want to put blacks in pre-Vietnam war movies, you will have to focus on a black unit which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Glory was certainly a good movie. I never saw Tuskegee Airmen, but you could easily make movies about the buffalo soldiers who fought the Indian wars or the 761st Tank Battalion that served with Patton. Just throwing a black guy in there randomly to make a director feel good about himself is plain silly.

Of course, why should I be surprised that Lee would let historical accuracy get in the way of a good whine. After all, he thinks Hoosiers was racist because a team of whites beat a team in the state finals that was desegregated and had black players (see the 1:36 mark). Only problem is that Hickory High is based on Milan High School (161 students) which beat a desegregated team with black players to win the 1954 state championship. On a side note, they also beat an all-black team that included one of the best basketball players ever in Oscar Robertson. So, historically, Spike is full of crap as usual. Actually, I think Hoosiers is more racist against whites. After all, the premise of the finals is that it's a enormous upset for an all white team to beat a team that includes black players even though that is exactly what happened.