Stupid Teenagers & Other Stories

One of the supposed benefits of Barak Obama's candidacy is that it gets young people excited about the political process and makes them want to vote. Well, I don't want them to vote. Young people are stupid. That's the last group I wanted deciding anything. Case in point, a high school in Masshole Central has a pregnancy problem because a bunch of idiot teen girls (only 2 years from voting eligibility) agreed to all get pregnant together. Supposedly they want that unconditional love that a baby provides (along with spit up, dirty diapers and stretched out.....well nevermind). Here's an idea. Getting a friggin' dog, you stupid stupid bitches. One of them actually got knocked up a homeless bum in his mid-20s (bet he's bragging about that to the crazy cat lady while sharing a can of Sterno). I really have to question her looks if that's the best she could do. She's in a high school full of guys in perpetual heat, and she has to knock boots with a homeless guy?

Heck, these dummies will probably fall for Obama's latest hogwash as he blatantly breaks a pledge made back in November to accept public financing for the general election (like every major party candidate has since public financing began). I could use this opportunity to point out that, unlike his manufactured image, Obama is again acting like a typical politician. Except he's really not. Politicians normally aren't this brazen about their deception. It's almost tough to describe how full of hypocritical shit he is on this issue. Now, I don't like public financing of campaigns, but Obama is a (pretend) "reformer" which is why he talked up public financing back then. It wasn't broken then, but it's broken now. Mainly because he knows he can raise more money than he'd get in the public financing. So, how is it broken? Supposedly because lobbyists and special interests are able to gain advantages in a system where they can help a candidate get elected. Now, public financing means you take money from the government for your campaign instead of taking it from private citizens which can include lobbyists, bundlers and pretty much anyone else. That means fundraisers and big money supporters can't buy access to you with campaign donations. So, how exactly is eschewing public money in favor of campaign donations from big fundraisers with an ax to grind going to fix the system?

Obama's statement was so full of shit that I was really shocked that he didn't just bite the bullet and admit he was opting out because he could raise more money without it. He said Republicans take lobbyist money which insinuates he doesn't. Except the article from The Hill quotes one of Obama's big money fundraisers, Wade Randlett. Well, Wade just happens to be a lobbyist. Obama also claims to fear Republican 527s (outside groups that fall outside campaign finance laws), but in 2004, 527s allied with the Democrats outspent those pushing Republicans. By a lot. And finally, Obama thinks because so much of his money comes from small donors via the internet which is a crock. A person is only allowed to donate $4600 ($2300 in the primary and general election) to a candidate. Total. Yet, if you donate less than $200, there's no disclosure requirements. Anyone could go online, set up a $199 donation to a campaign and click submit about 100 times (which isn't really that hard). Voila. You've contribute a lot more than the max. Pure hypocrisy. I think the only people who can't see through the BS probably made a pact to get pregnant in the 10th grade.

But Obama got an endorsement from Al Gore last week. Everyone knows you're not going to endorse a Republican, so you waited until after the Democratic primary is over to endorse a candidate. Way to go out on a limb, Al. What next? Are you going to teach him how to "green" your house and still manage to increase your electric usage?

Then, there's Canada where it's been decided that enabling stupid children is the point of the court system. Some douchebag judge decided that she could decide whether or not a 12 year old girl could be grounded for disobeying her parents. The girl was grounded after posting pictures of herself on a dating site. So, the girl's lawyer and judge decided that they are a better arbiter of parental authority than a parent. Oh, and apparently, there's nothing wrong with 12 year olds posting their pictures on a dating website. Wonder if she'll be pregnant before she's 16. I like how the lawyers both said that this case is unique with a special set of circumstances. No it's not. There are a lot of retarded judges and lawyers out there willing to indulge a spoiled little brat.

I mentioned before that Tiger Woods beating Rocco Mediate in a playoff to win the US Open with a bad wheel was overhyped when you consider that other guys played football on broken legs which is probably a little harder to do than play golf. But after hearing that he's out for the rest of the year to have surgery, maybe I should rethink it. I have. The PGA is full of pussies. All those golfers in the field and the playoff came down to a guy with a bad leg facing off a guy with a bad back. Man, those other guys should certainly be proud of themselves.

About as proud as the LA Lakers. The Celtics were obviously the better team. Somehow Doc Rivers is now being seen as a good coach, but that's a joke. The fact that Atlanta and Cleveland took Boston to 7 games tells me all I need to know about Rivers' coaching ability. The Celtics had three perennial All-Stars this year. A retarded monkey on crack could have won the finals with that (and also drafted better than Walt). Yet, that doesn't mean the Lakers weren't an embarrassment. Too much soft Eurotrash in key positions. They lost the last game by 39 points. That was the second worst loss in finals history. But even more, the worst loss was a game three when a team might slack off during an obvious loss to save themselves for the next game. This was an elimination game. You lose and it's over. The Lakers pretty much quit at the half. Sad.

When you add my clumsiness to a lack of consideration for my own well-being, I've had some rather strange injuries. I've just never been injured by my underwear. This woman was injured when some metal part on her thong snapped out and hit her in the eye while she was putting them on. I think what initially stood out to me was the fact that she is 52 and wearing butt floss. I tried to find a picture of her to see if she could pull it off. I saw a video, and I'm not real sure she shouldn't be trying a new style. However, it was only from the waist up so I couldn't see if she had a big ass. If I was Victoria's Secret, I would make the case she was trying on a size too small which caused it to break. Even if you lose, embarrass her some.

Here's a better thong story (warning: link not safe for work). A bunch of Austrian chicks beat a bunch of Kraut chicks in beach soccer in a kind of reverse Anschluss but not really. What made it good is that it was topless. Well, they had body paint for pseudo-shirts. However, I had two thoughts. One is that the article said they were wearing thongs, but those really didn't look like thongs (and why no pictures from behind for proper verification?). Second, shouldn't the goalie have been painted a different color?

Let's get back to stupid teenagers for a moment. A new liability problem has erupted because a chaperon has been sued because some 18 year old high school student couldn't hold her liquor and died after hang gliding off her hotel balcony without a hand glider. Sorry. Your daughter was 18. I was 17 when my parents sent me to a college 750 miles away from them. The woman may have been a chaperon, but at that age, the girl needed to take some responsibility for herself. Let's ask this question. If the chaperon had tried to stop her from drinking, what could she have done? Spank her? Threaten to send her home? I'm willing to bet the chaperon isn't given any disciplinary control over a legal adult.

Those who know me may be aware of the contempt I have for the United Nations. Well, now the special rapporteur (French for worthless waste of time and money) who is supposed to be checking on the Israeli treatment of Palestinians (but ignoring Palestinian treatment of Israelis or other Palestinians) wants an investigation into whether the 9/11 attacks were an American government plot. Because both the World Trade Center and Pentagon are located somewhere in the Gaza Strip, I guess. It's bad enough that we give 25% of the UN's funding, but we also give them prime New York real estate to house our enemies and a bunch of people who just don't like us. There's a lot of people who don't like me. I'm fine with that, but I wouldn't let them sleep on my couch. Well, Phil did sort of stay with me for a month, but I didn't pay him a salary.

Interesting crime story. A group of women were apparently dressing as nurses to snatch purses from old women. The theory is that the geriatrics would be lulled into a false sense of security if nurse walked up to them. Kind of reminds me of the time a nurse followed me through a parking lot offering me prostate exams. Or else I was following her and asking for one. I really can't remember. Things were a bit hazy that day.

A new study says drinking lots of coffee is good for you. Hell Yeah. I don't have too many other healthy habits. Well, none that I can think of, so this puts one in my column.

And finally, someone compiled a list of the worst album covers ever. I think the first thought that came to mind was that there was something seriously wrong going on in the 1970s. I also remember the trauma children suffered watching that freak Slim Goodbody (album #26). I wanted to get Julie's Sixteenth Birthday (album #36), but I decided to wait until the movie comes out. And finally, I can't believe there is a Tommy Seebach album (#30) on this list. He's the genius who gave us this video: