NFL Draft - Round One Live Blog (plus other crap)

We're getting ready to. Carolina has their pick in early. Of course, that's not surprising. They've known since the end of the season that they'd have this pick. Well, longer than that. They were crappy all year. First pick isn't that surprising either. They took Cam Newton. I think he'll be a bust. Not really a bust. I think he'll have career, but I'm not buying him as a superstar. Not accurate enough and I'm not sure he's got the willingness to work at getting better. But the good news is that with Newton's next signing bonus, the government will actually get its cut. Unlike the one from Auburn boosters, this one won't be in a duffle bag and will be taxable.

The Broncos take LB Von Miller. This will probably be the oddest moment of the draft. He got choked up after being announced and took his sweet time going up on stage. I thought maybe he didn't want meet the commish since.........well, he's suing the league over the labor unrest. Actually, I'm quite confused why he's even at the draft if that is the case. But then he went and hugged Goodell like he was his long lost father (even though they looked nothing alike). Probably stole his wallet.

Non-football Story Alert - Ah Boston. Land of the perpetually stupid. They are banning the selling of coke on city property. Not cocaine (that's probably still okay). Sodas and other drinks with sugar. Because they make people fat and cause health problems and banning them will save money in the long run. Well, no it won't. Not city money anyway. I'll clue you in on something. People who want to drink cokes can bring them in with them. People will leave the park and go to a convenience store and get a coke. That means money made from concessions and vending machines will be a lot less. And people will still be fat.

The Bills took someone. I wasn't really paying much attention since all their first round picks don't do much. It's only because of the absolute disaster that Detroit consistently produces with their early picks that the Bills have not been properly recognized for their own ineptitude. And then the Bengals take AJ Green. I liked AJ Green. Damned shame he went there. But I'm sure he's excited for the beginning of the Jordan Palmer Era. Then Arizona grabs CB Patrick Peterson out of LSU. There was some surprise that Arizona took him since they weren't seen as needing a cornerback. Yeah, that bottom 10 pass defense certainly wouldn't need that.

Alright. Atlanta traded up to get Julio Jones out of Alabama. I remember when he was on Sanford and Son. Then the 49ers draft some guy named Aldon Smith. No word if he's related to Aldo Nova.

Jake Locker just went 10th? That's a lot higher than I would have thought. Which led to Jon Gruden telling us how much he loves Locker. But for someone who hated everyone he coached, Gruden now thinks everyone is great. Oh, and it also led to Adam Schefter discussing how far the next QB in line, Blaine Gabbert, will fall. In the course of his soliloquy, Schefter referred to Gabbert by his full name about eight times. Because no one would have know which Blaine or Gabbert he was talking about if he'd shortened it.

Non-football Story Alert - Sometimes mothers can be a pain in the ass. An Italian babe was sunbathing topless and since she didn't want to get a burn, she began rubbing lotion on her apparently massive knockers (damn you news media for not getting the pictures we all want). Some wench went and complained to the cops because her boys (12 and 14) were "troubled" by seeing that. Is that what they call boners these days? Sad day when hot chicks can't rub their boobs in front of me.

Uh oh. Dallas just took a sensible pick. No nonsense offensive lineman. Although with their scouting, they'll move him to left tackle and find out later that he should be at the less valuable right tackle position. Uh oh. Schefter's great freefall of (Blaine) Gabbert ended two picks later (#10) as Jacksonville traded up to get Gabbert. And Gruden didn't understand it because he loves Gabbert but he also loves Jacksonville's present starter David Garrard. Obviously, Gruden never had Garrard on his fantasy roster.

Texans take some white guy for the defensive line. Nick Fairley is still waiting after being projected as a possible number one pick. I'm sure he will use that as motivation. He'll probably take a cheap shot at the usher who comes to lead him up on stage. Personally I hope he keeps dropping which isn't surprising. For all his talent, his intangibles are consistently listed as "dirty player who doesn't give maximum effort". Except when he's blind siding someone five seconds after he passed the ball. HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! CHRISTIAN PONDER WITH THE 12TH PICK?

Non-football Story Alert - What is it with Europeans and boobs these days? First the whiny woman bitching about the topless bather. Then a French mayor wants to take down a statue of Marianne (not real clear who she is; probably a prostitute) because she was designed with oversized boobage. And exactly what is wrong with that I say.

Ah, Detroit takes Fairley. That was nice of them. Then St. Louis takes Robert Quinn out of UNC after a season he had to sit out because of an NCAA suspension. Sweet. On a related note, having 58 (give or take a few) draft prospects at the show doesn't enhance the draft process at all. I don't really want to see them hug a bunch of people and run up on stage. But the part that sucks is you see them on the phone before the pick is officially made so there is no suspense when the commish actually reads off his name. More clips, less hugging. Because there's no one hear to hug me.

Heart warming story about Mark Ingram. He's very close to his dad. Who is in jail for money laundering. And his dad is doing extra time because he jumped bail to watch his son play a football game. And Suzy Kolber is saying she got an email from dad at the federal pen to give to his son. Probably asking for some smokes because that's like cash. But Ingram must wait. The Dolphins went o-line and took Mike Pouncey whose twin is the center for the Steelers. I was more interested in seeing the chick in the tight Dolphins jersey in the upper deck.

Off to make some jiffy pop.

Ate some popcorn while watching a handful of guys go. The only one I found interesting was Prince Amukamara (or something like that) to the Giants. I wasn't sure he should have been so highly rated at cornerback. I watched him get lit up by Oklahoma State. Personally I like the corner from Colorado, Jimmy Smith, who probably still won't be there when the Steelers draft. Although they probably wouldn't take him. I heard he fails drug tests.

Non-football Story Alert - Guy loses his credit card. Another guy finds it. Guy who finds it decides to use it to buy pizza. Even though he was worth millions and had a few hundred bucks in his wallet. Some people are just dicks.

I like Peyton Hillis, but how did he win a vote for the Madden cover? Well, I know how he won. It came down between him and Michael Vick who is still hated out there. But how did he make the final round?

Cute. The Colts take some o-lineman who wasn't even at the draft. He is pretty dorky looking. Perfect running mate for Peyton Manning. Was pretty cool how the girl next to him didn't realize the camera was back on them as she was shoving her thumb down her dress to fix her bra.

Ironic. After the pundits talked up the Ravens organization as being great at the draft, the Ravens miss their pick. Berman tried to excuse them by saying they were attempting to trade with the Bears. But I remember in the 2003 draft, the Vikings were widely ridiculed because they had to pass on their first round pick. In that case, their trade partner agreed to the deal, but decided time was running out and didn't call the NFL to inform them or the Vikings. So, I find this ironic because their trade partner at the time was............the Ravens. I'm kind of pissed now because finding that link forced me to read Len Pasquarelli who is a smugly arrogant bitch. More irony is the Vikings were ridiculed for losing out on Ryan Sims to have to take Bryant McKinnie one year and then had to take Kevin Williams the next year as other teams grabbed Byron Leftwich and Jordan Gross. Well, Sims was a bust while McKinnie has been a solid starter at left tackle for the Vikings. Leftwich has mostly been a backup. Gross has been a solid tackle but Williams has been to six Pro Bowls in that time.

Damn. The Ravens took Jimmy Smith.

Since the Jets are picking, lets look back at their last season. The Steelers shut them up in the playoffs and we found out after the season that Mark Sanchez was schtupping a 17 year old. Carry on.

Hey, the Steelers drafted Ironbutt Heyward's son out of Ohio State. Then the Packers took an offensive tackle to finish out the round. And Jon Gruden loved every one of them. They will all be stars.

Dirty Mormon Sex & Other Stories

Just when we get to the stretch run for college basketball, the big story is about a BYU basketball player getting a little nookie. Brandon Davies was the leading rebounder and third leading scorer for BYU, and then he was suspended for the rest of the year for boning his girlfriend. Which is against the honor code and which has caused some controversy over whether or not the honor code isn't some archaic blast from the past. My take? The school can take whatever action they want, and Davies signed up for it so too damned bad for him. Although the story is Davies confessed, but it hasn't come out if he just blurted it out or was turned in by someone else and admitted it afterwards. So, there is a certain weirdness about a school for adults investigating a student's private sex life. And of course it's archaic and unrealistic. Signing a no sex pledge at an age when you're a walking erection with low impulse control is easy to do, but hard to maintain. If any basketball or football player worth a crap asked my opinion of playing at BYU (and of course they wouldn't), I'd call them an idiot for even considering it. If you want to live a chaste and wholesome life, you can do that anywhere as long as you stick to it. You don't need a signed statement with your school for that. The difference is that BYU will suspend you from basketball for a non-criminal mistake. Davies is considered the next best pro prospect from BYU after the weirdly named Jimmer Fredette. He's probably a borderline player, but I've seen a lot of borderline players have a great NCAA tournament and suddenly show up in the first round. Which won't happen to Davies because he won't be playing. Bet he wishes he'd stuck to playing with himself.

Now, what I find especially interesting about this whole situation is how many sports pundits have jumped up and taken BYU's side by essentially saying how great it is that a school will put its honor code above winning. Yawn. Sportswriters are so predictable. They rip into schools for putting too much emphasis on winning, and then rip them for losing too much when they do put emphasis on things besides winning. Of course, it makes it easier to cheer for BYU dumping a player and hurting their chances in the NCAA tournament when it's BYU. Most sportswriters don't want to go to Ogden, Utah to cover a BYU basketball team. But what is most hypocritical about all this support is they keep leaving out a big chunk of the BYU honor code. Namely that you can claim to be gay, but if you show it in any way, you're breaking the honor code. I just have this feeling that if Davies were suspended for admitting to walking around campus holding hands with some dude that he loved, those same sportswriters might be a little harsher on BYU. In fact, I have a feeling you'd have to go far and wide to find any sports writer defending them.

I've had more than a few people say I need psychiatric help. But maybe I'll start with some nude therapy. Some chick in New York hosts one hour therapy sessions for $150 a pop (insert your own joke here) where she takes her clothes off during that time. Oh, and she's not licensed. She does it as a hobby. And often online. So, her online hobbies involve female nakedness as much as mine. Sounds like she's just an exhibitionist who thinks she's too high class for chatroulette. Oh, and she probably wouldn't make $150 an hour there. And would have to deal with nasty naked guys too. Or so I've heard.

Some Republicans want to cut funding for public broadcasting and NPR. About damned time. Why would any Republican vote to subsidize NPR when it is incredibly hostile to your party? Oh, of course the pantywaist liberals will accuse them of trying to "kill Big Bird". But that's a level of stupidity that only a retarded person would believe. To begin with, as Jim DeMint points out, any organization that can pay its execs hundreds of thousands of dollars can survive without being stuck on the federal teat. But even if they can't, so what? Sesame Street will. I worked in a toy store that had a whole aisle devoted to that show. With 8 billion other channels out there (give or take a few), Sesame Street would find a place to land if PBS disappeared. Besides, let's look at who watches PBS. They actually brag about how rich and successful PBS viewers are. Which begs the question of why the rest of us should see our tax dollars (or money borrowed from China) being used so these snooty bastards can watch public television? This is nothing but a subsidy for the rich. And they're snobbier than Hell about it. I remember some years back, the public radio station in Louisville bragged in an ad about how they had the fewest Big Red drinkers of any radio station in a listener survey. Which stations had the most Big Red drinkers? Hip hop and country. So, the elites want the money of the unsophisticated crackers and homeboys, but thank God they don't listen to NPR and sully those listener surveys.

Ah, this is funny. If you try to claim asylum in the Czech Republic for being gay, they'll hook you up to a "peter meter" to see if your willie gets up watching gay porn. But since they also check to see if regular porn does it for you too, I may just claim asylum if I ever visit the Czech Republic just to see if they got some good pornography.

Oh, darn. The electric cars aren't selling. Why anyone is surprised is beyond me. I have nothing against electric cars. If they ever make them efficient and practical, I think it's a good thing. Too bad these pieces of crap go about 60 miles and die. They're not going to sell in this country until they get better battery life. You might notice a lot of people live in non-urban areas. Plus, for someone like me, it's pointless. I live in an apartment. Am I supposed to run an extension cord out the bedroom window to the parking lot? Not while living in the barrio of Lexington I won't. And these cars are too expensive anyway. Even with a government subsidy, the Volt will still be well over $30K meaning that much like NPR, the government money is a subsidy for the rich. It would be nice to think that the price will come down when they make more electric cars. Except the batteries are lithium and there could be issues with supply for that. Under the law of supply and demand, the less supply you have in relation to demand causes prices to rise. Our government doesn't understand that. Gas prices keep going up because of fears that a bunch of Arabs killing each other will disrupt oil supplies. But our own government is trying to restrict our ability to produce our own oil supplies. Apparently they aren't aware that adding domestically produced oil will stabilize the price of oil and lower gas prices. Or maybe they are aware and just don't care.

Speaking of Arabs killing people, it's nice to see that the revolution in Egypt is ending in peace and harmony. And dead Christians. Glad I haven't blogged about this all leading to problems recently.

But let us get back to cars. Up in New York, some yahoos were doing about 145 mph while drag racing on the expressway. They jumped off to avoid the cops. One drove into a gas pump and burned up his car. That would have been a fairly interesting story. Then I read that car was a Dodge Neon. A Dodge Neon was doing 145 mph? Unless it was really a Dodge SRT-4, I'll only believe it got that fast driving over a cliff.

But this driving story is a lot more fun. A guy in Louisville got pulled over and charged with a DUI, but he had a novel excuse why he was weaving. He wasn't drunk. He was getting a hummer from his female passenger. I tend to believe him. He only blew a .054 which is below the legal limit. It doesn't say what his passenger blew. Besides him.

Oh, here's a good one. Some airline in Australia fired a steward for putting a year and a half old child into the overhead compartment and closing it. I was surprised at the firing because I've always advocated that children should be put up there on all flights. But it really got good seeing that she said "I was devastated. I was absolutely devastated. I was crying. My husband was in shock. For days on end, I was crying." Did the child suffocate while he was up there? Was he up there the entire flight? He was up there "for up to 10 seconds." Meaning 10 seconds was the maximum. Now this ignorant woman is taking him to see all kinds of "specialists". Do any do nude therapy? Seriously. Is this woman deranged? The kid was in the dark for 10 seconds. He's Australian. Which means he is descended from convicts. I'm sure he's tougher than that. If he's got emotional problems, it isn't from being in the dark for a few seconds. It's because his mom is a psychopath.

Here's a story I've been saving for awhile. A federal judge in Georgia is apparently the Charlie Sheen of the judicial system. He was buying coke and other drugs to snort with a stripper. That's just tacky. Give her the money. Make her buy the drugs. You just can't trust strippers these days. So sad. And dangerous. Some guy in Miami won $650K for getting poked in the eye by a stripper's high heel shoe. Not sure what he wanted her to do, but I prefer they rub someone softer in my face.

Unrest in the Middle East & Charlie Sheen. Are they related?

Big news in the Middle East. Lots of protest have already brought down regimes in Tunisia and Egypt. Libya is pretty much in a civil war. Yemen is close. Bahrain is having some troubles. It seems some people have suddenly realized they have lived for years under autocratic regimes. Oh, and ethanol production has led to higher food prices which caused rioting in those regions. Too bad no one ever thought making the connection between ethanol subsidies and food prices. But we've got revolution and a lot of people seem to like that. Viva la revolution or something. Nice in theory. But while I have no love for Hosni Mubarak and would dearly love to see Moammar Gadhafi-Qaddafi-Khadafy have his intestines stretched across the street, be careful what you wish for. Know who else likes revolution in the Middle East? Al-qaeda. Sure, in Libya, who cares. Can't get much worse than Khadafy Duck, but Egypt is another story. It's much larger and the most organized opposition to Mubarak was the Muslim Brotherhood which despite some fools saying it's a secular organization, the Muslim Brotherhood may not lead to the the free society envisioned. Sure, it's easy to say that the revolt in Egypt is the "youths", but just because they are leading it doesn't mean they'll keep it. After all, Khomeini in Iran and the Taliban in Afghanistan were just part of a larger anti-government group, but both gained control and turned their country into a third world Islamic theocracy.

Ah, Charlie Sheen. Is there nothing he can't do? Drug fueled rampage with a porn star in New York? Check. Attempt to start a porn family? Check. More porn stars and a suitcase of coke leading to a funny Taiwanese animated news story (that poor teddy bear)? Check. Blowing off rehab to take your ex-wife, new girlfriend and another porn actress on a cruise? Check. Get your highly paid gig shut down early because you went on an insane rant against your bosses? Check. Challenge your producer to a MMA fight and have another MMA fighter threaten to kick your ass? Check. And then it gets better. Sheen gives interviews. Which was his finest moment? Saying crack is okay if you can "manage it socially"? Calling on his fans to "walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice"? Telling ABC that "I'm on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen"? Nope. I think the winning interview was claiming he turned his TV show "into pure gold" and that "I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips". Okay. Now, he's beyond delusional and just plain stupid. I've seen Two and A Half Men. It's a decent show. I don't think it's good enough to set the DVR, but I often watch it if I catch it on. It's a show where Sheen plays a misogynistic womanizer with a substance abuse problem. Boy, that's some range. I'm just waiting for my big break as a single fat guy who loves chicken wings, might have a substance abuse problem and wishes he was a womanizer. But I have magic in my wang. Besides, I've seen The Wraith and I'm not impressed that much with his acting. He's probably still pissed they killed him off early in Young Guns while letting his brother get top billing. But face it. How often does he even change expression while acting? Now, will his TV show survive without him? Probably not. Will the world be a poorer place without it? Nope. And some may think he's acting out because he's bi-polar. I disagree. He's probably just an asshole. If they want to make money off of him, they should bring the show back and run it live. People will tune in just to see if this is the week he dies on stage.

But in our never ending quest to find a replacement for the soon to be dead Sheen, we've discovered the 8 year old drunk in Scotland. Not sure why the surprise. After all, the country was named after a type of whisky (I think that's the order it went in). Apparently this child is from a family of alcoholics. But it is claimed she now has the support she needs. What? A new family? Happy tree friends? Is she already collecting welfare payments? But what's the worry? The United Kingdom is already in a buttload of trouble. I've already mentioned how a guy went on vacation for a week and squatters moved in. Well, these stories keep popping up. Here's another one where a man bought a house and a bunch of deadbeats moved in. Now he's being told it could be a couple of months before squatters can be evicted. On the first story, I thought it was utterly asinine that police said it wasn't a criminal manner because they didn't break in. How is that even rational? It's not their house. The person who has the title to it has stated that they have no right to be there. Ergo, they must have broken in to get inside there. If I leave the windows down on my car, you can't legally take the radio. But this instant takes it to a whole new level of rank European stupidity. The government is giving the shiftless maggots free legal aid to fight the eviction because they're shiftless maggots who don't have a job (and probably couldn't or wouldn't keep one if they did). Even worse, those sons of bitches have posted a notice against anyone trespassing. What the Hell is going on when a man who has made something of himself and works hard has fewer rights than some limpdick layabouts?

What the heck. How about another depravity story from the old country? A teenager tracks down his long lost dad. Finds him. Starts sleeping with his new stepmom. They break up because the situation is causing problems within the family. Then she starts seeing her stepson's best friend. Then I saw the picture of her. And thought "Really?". I guess if you find an English girl with good teeth, you hang onto her.

But can't really say that level of crass behavior is in vogue only in England. After all, it was in Phoenix that a wife of a local supervisor was arrested for having sex with a 14 year old boy. Then her adult daughter was arrested for having sex with that same boy, except he was 13 when she went after the young stuff. And in case you just assume that behavior is something yokels out in the sticks do, a professor at Columbia has been charged with incest. They keep saying with a "young relative" (heard it was his daughter), but then it says the relative was over 18 when it all started. Which makes me confused. If she was above the age of consent, how can she be a victim? Why isn't she being charged also? I smell sexism in the judicial system.

Here's a story on how far the regulatory nuts have gone in this country. The Easy-Bake Oven is going to have to change because their heating element was a 100 watt incandescent light bulb. Which have been banned beginning in 2012. Oh, they'll add some other heating element but how easy will that be to change? Besides, what the Hell business is it of the federal government whether or not I use a regular incandescent light bulb or one of those silly fluorescent (and toxic) light bulbs? I pay for my electricity. If I decide that I have to sit under enough fluorescent lights at work and want the better looking incandescent light source at home, that's my damned business. Rot in hell with your mercury filled lamps you regulatory bastards.

I have finally found an excuse to use when I get drunk and smash up my hotel room. I'll say I got a phone call and to save the midget locked in the next room while destroying the secret surveillance cameras. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I don't really care much for Michael Moore. Something about him being a low life hypocritical hack just rubs me the wrong way. What's the latest thing that makes me roll my eyes? He's bitching about rich people having money. He wants to take it. Let's start with the most laughably absurd part of his interview. The use of the word "they". As if he doesn't belong in that category. You see that money grubbing bastard already made almost $20 million off Fahrenheit 9/11, but he's now suing the Weinstein brothers for another $2.7 million. My favorite line is from Moore's attorney that an audit found "the Weinsteins had re-routed at least $2.7 million dollars that belonged to Michael Moore." See, in the interview, populist Moore says rich people's money is "not theirs.....that's ours." But in court, plaintiff Moore says those millions belong to him. Personally, I believe that if you're owed the money, you have every right to get it. The difference is that I've never railed against rich people and capitalism like this dumbass has. Oh, and the way to get that money for Moore is to do it through the tax system. Tax the rich and get their money. Which is coming from a guy who championed (and got paid) a big tax credit for making movies in Michigan. It's almost like Moore insists on things that he doesn't let happen to himself.

Earlier in this posting, I mentioned depravity in America versus Europe (leaving out the goat humping in the Middle East). Let's go head to head. In Oakland, a teacher was suspended when several second graders in her classroom just took off their clothes. Oh, and then later two of the students had oral sex with each other. Now, that seems..............well, bad. It's even worse because the teacher was there for both incidents. Which really begs the question why was she just suspended and not arrested? Granted, it's the bay area, but I was once in the second grade. I really don't remember students leading a big strip off in the classroom. But in Spain, a 10 year old girl just gave birth. Which makes sense that it wasn't a 10 year old boy. What makes this rather sad is that the girls mother said that "10 years old is not considered young in Romania." I hate to point out to her that 10 years old should be considered young for sex.............well, anywhere. Why do I see all the sex tourists changing from Thailand to Romania?

I missed this story during the football season. Mainly because it involves Duke football and I'm not sure that really exists. Apparently Duke had a "Tailgate" event set up for students. They canceled it when a teenager was found passed out drunk in a portable crapper. Personally, I laughed out loud when I read that. Come on. Does Duke's administration think removing a sanctioned event will lead to less drinking? I think the event went rather well. At least they didn't turn the port-a-can over while the person was passed out in it.

It's been a good day. First I found an excuse for trashing a hotel room. Now I have one in case I get caught trying to rub one off in front of a teenage cheerleader on a plane. I spilled tabasco sauce on my junk causing it to itch. Not sure what excuse to use for the lecherous looks and drooling but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

The Grammy stuff and other things

I don't watch the Grammy Awards. Or pretty much any award show. It would get in the way of surfing dirty web sites and picking lint from my belly button. That and I find them very boring. But as a news junkie, I still see what goes on. Namely people whining about who wins what and why. This year the first big catastrophe I heard about was some jazz singer who plays a standup bass (maybe they thought she was Sting) beating out Justin Bieber and his ridiculous hair for best new artist. The next was Eminem being the heavy favorite for Album of the Year and losing to some band I've never heard of. First off, I can't figure the nomination process. I know Bieber was around two years ago and apparently the jazz singer has recorded since 2006. Yet, both were nominated for Best New Artist. But what do people really expect to happen? The voters for the Grammys are member of the National Academy of something or other. Most of them are music execs and technical staff. Justin Bieber lost because the Academy isn't made up of 14 year old girls (whether that is a plus is up to the individual reader). Now, to be fair, I did look up a Bieber video to find out what exactly his music style is. Found out it was crap and his bowling form isn't that good. So, a lot of adult industry execs like jazz over generic teeny bopper pablum? Like OMG!!! Who couldn't see that coming?

It's the same with Eminem. Just because record company people are willing to make money off of his crap doesn't mean they actually like to listen to it any more than I do. Just because a bunch of wannabe tough guys think he's "dangerous" doesn't really make his product that good. And who really thinks he's that dangerous. Of all the 'gangsta' rappers out there, he's the least threatening. Think about it. He's been caught carrying a gun twice. Unloaded. And that was during a "feud" with the Insane Clown Posse? Ah, those Eminem feuds. I guess Everlast may have the top of the heap considering his others were with his mother, his wife and Mariah Carey. I guess that's close to the Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG feud. Eminem can't even get a good street drug addiction. Crack? Heroin? Meth? Nope. Prescription drugs. The drug of choice for middle aged mountain women. If that ain't gangsta, I don't know what is. Unless you count the commercials he was in during the Super Bowl. Brisk tea? Ooooh. And Chrysler? All the big pimps are cruising in the Sebring. Oh wait. They did away with the Sebring. And replaced it with the Chrysler 200. Which was the car Eminem was advertising. But also the city of Detroit because nothing says quality like the city of Detroit. Great line from the commercial where Detroit is referred to as "a town that has been to Hell and back." Uhm, yeah. It never made it back. Actually, Eminem and Detroit deserve each other.

Awesome hooker story. Woman travels from Michigan to Louisville to give naked massages for $250 a pop. When the vice cops ask her if she'll do anal (I guess asking for a BJ or just regular sex was too inappropriate), she said sure. For an extra $50. So, a massage is worth five times as much as buttsex? Her kiester is the Walmart of her retail enterprise.

John Stossel once did an interview with the chief of the New York teachers union, and she actually believed (or was lying, but what's the difference) that private sector employees routinely only work "six hour, 40 minute" days. Yeah, if you work fast food or retail and have a maximum limit on hours worked so you don't lose your welfare check. I thought of that when I saw all the fun in Wisconsin as the public employee unions threw a massive hissy fit as the new governor of Wisconsin pushed a bill to restrict the items that can be collectively bargained which would make it easier to make the state employees actually pay some of their health insurance premiums and contribute to their retirement. You know, like just about every private sector employee in the country does. But no, the teachers all called in sick and held a massive rally to demonize opposition (so much for the new civility) and generally make asses of themselves.

Now, I have nothing against teachers in general, but I hate to tell them that they aren't all that special. There are a lot of good teachers out there, just like there are a lot of good employees in every industry. There is also a lot of garbage pretending to teach. I went to college with a lot of people who majored in education who freely admitted they wanted to be a teacher to have summers off. But I don't know why good teachers put up with it. Unions mean that they won't be paid commiserate of their abilities. A high school physics teacher could easily be making less than a second grade teacher who has a few more years under her belt. One is teaching almost at a college level. The other spends half her time getting her charges not to wet themselves. Yeah. They should be paid the same. I'm not even convinced an elementary school teacher requires a four year degree. They could be taught all they need at a two year technical school. Personally, I don't believe any public employees should be allowed to unionize since they are negotiating with a monopoly who pays them with someone else's money. Very corrupting to see a group donate to the campaigns of people who vote on how much money they can make. But I think the teachers and other unions are going to find out they are overreaching badly. They may get a big crowd (easy to do when you bus them in) and make a lot of noise, but I guarantee you that voters who haven't received a raise in two years and fear losing their job entirely probably don't have much sympathy for people doing better than the average while working a lot fewer hours. Oh, and making those voters scramble to find babysitters because you couldn't wait until the weekend to hold your rallies isn't going to help either.

But I think my favorite part of the whole thing was the accusation that the Wisconsin governor was acting like a "dictator". And that somehow the process is undemocratic. Yeah, okay. That's very laughable. Democratic senators have fled to Illinois so they won't have to vote on it because they know they'll lose. Scott Walker was elected (you know, as part of the Democratic process) governor on this platform. Republicans also took control of both houses in the same election. Somehow, blocking a vote is democracy and following through with your vote isn't. I think there is a large group of people unclear of that concept. Besides, if this measure is so bad and unpopular, Democrats should want the Republicans to vote on it. Won't they end up being voted out of office over it if it's that bad? Yeah. Democrats and union leaders know I'm right. The support is for the bill, not against. And no amount of screaming and vote blocking is going to change that.

But as long as we're talking about teachers, I don't think I've done a teacher-bangs-student story for awhile. This one is nice because the teacher was doing five different students, mostly football players. Very supportive of the team. And it appears to be working. I looked them up and they kind of stink, but they more than doubled their win total from 2009 to 2010. Incentive based athletics if you ask me. Then there was this story that on the surface seemed a relatively common story of these situations although getting caught by the cops while flopping naked on top of a 16 year old boy in the backseat of her car was a little more titillating (ha, I said tit) than most. But that's not what makes this one special. It's the fact that as part of her job, she counseled other teacher. On how to avoid banging students. I guess she was doing some really in depth research into the subject. Or was just a whore.

Tom Brady won the NFL MVP this year. He had a good season. Probably deserved the award. But he's done. Can't call him an elite player anymore. And not just because he's looked like crap in his last three playoff appearances. But mostly because he's now the face of Uggs boots for men. I wasn't aware that they had a men's version of their ugly boots. But I have to guess they are as performance deflating as they are soul destroying.

If you want to know what public unions lead to, look no further than the Cranston police department. A police officer gets fired and thinks he should have get his job back. Why was he fired? He and his partner were having sex with some bimbo while on duty. In uniform. In a threesome. I do like the line from his supervisor about how the officer didn't seem to be doing much work - "I don't know what he was doing out there." Well, he must not have been listening to the testimony in court, because I now know what he was doing out there.

A woman in Idaho pretended to be a plastic surgeon and performed breast exams on a couple of other women. At a bar. Real geniuses there. Most doctors don't make house calls and you think they'll do some doctoring at a bar? And the name Berlyn Aussieahshowna doesn't sound made at all. I don't know why I never thought to try this. Oh wait, I did. The women just didn't buy my act. Probably the heavy breathing and drool running down my mouth. Oh, and the fact I wasn't wearing any pants.

Consumer Protection for Whoremongering and Other Stories

I'm not saying you shouldn't hire a hooker if you're so inclined. However, it is illegal in most jurisdictions. So, when you don't get the full service that you expect, don't call the cops. They just won't be that understanding. Actually some stuff I don't understand. A BJ was only worth $40 while a boobie flash was $20? Now I don't hire hookers (seriously, I don't), but if the fee schedule has a BJ only $20 more than seeing some boobs, I think you should expect a scam.

Hey, another hooker story. With a British spree killer. Some Thai hooker slept with a man who was going to marry her best friend. But don't worry. Her friend is also a Thai hooker so it's not really cheating. Then the dude went and killed 12 people a bit later. However, when I read the story, the only thing I could think was "Good God, what is wrong with her eye?"

I missed this story when it first happened. Albert (calling him Fat Albert is too easy) Haynesworth has been Mike Shanahan's whipping boy in Washington because he is one of the highest paid players in the league but skipped offseason workouts because he didn't like taking a contract bonus and then being moved to nose guard by a new staff. Well, Haynesworth says a $100 million contract doesn't make him a slave. He's right. Slaves don't get paid. That's kind of the definition, moron. But signing the document makes you a contract man. Meaning you have to play to get paid. Dickhead.

Speaking of athletes, I didn't say much about LeBron James because it's NBA and I don't really care much. But I thought it was ridiculous for him to say racism was a reason people thought poorly of him. What did he really expect to happen after he announced he would move to the Miami Heat. I don't have an issue with the decision. I wouldn't want to play in Cleveland. After all, it is Cleveland. Plus, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh would play with him in Chicago or Miami, but there was no chance on them going to Cleveland with James. The problem is he looked like an arrogant ass by holding an hour long TV special to announce his decision. Cleveland fans especially have a right to be angry as they were so publicly spurned. Plus James waited very late to make the decision, possibly hurting their chances with other free agents. But maybe not. It's still Cleveland. He didn't even have the courtesy to personally tell Cleveland's owner who gave him a ton of money and let James do whatever he wanted while he was there. When you let your confidence move to arrogance and throw in an incredible sense of entitlement, you may lose some of your fans.

But it's not race. Because we see the same situation with Brett Favre. I used to be a huge Favre fan, but that ended and it wasn't when he went around taking pictures of his junk (he's okay with TSA scanners). It was when he began the whole I'm retiring (as an excuse to change teams) and then lying about it. I have no respect for Favre anymore. I now enjoy seeing him lose because he's been such a jerk. Clearly Favre hasn't had near the backlash of James. Several commentators are still nauseating in their adoration of Favre. But he also won a title which James has yet to do. And while I think a lot of Favre's behavior was trying to get out of training camp, I do also think he wanted to feel the love of team's asking him back. But he wasn't close to the narcissistic spectacle that James gave us.

Father of the year candidate. Some guy in Florida had a visit from the police. In the course of searching his house, they found some stuff. Like liquor bottles in one teenage daughter's bedroom. And marijuana in an ashtray that his other daughter was smoking because he let her smoke pot in the house. Oh, and a stripper pole. I love his line "I can fill the courtroom twice with people who can say how great a dad I am". Of course he doesn't say those people are his daughter's friends who want to come over and get drunk or high and his own pervert friends who want to see his 17 year old daughter grinding on a pole.

Speaking of friends, another guy had a problem with one of his "friends". A guy was hanging out and arguing with an amateur tattoo guy. Asked for a dragon tattoo or something. Instead, he got a penis tattoo on his back, punched in the face and thrown out. Note to self. Don't get your tattoos from an amateur. Definitely don't get them from an amateur you just had a fight with. I like that it says there was a dirty slogan on it with a misspelled word. But it doesn't say the slogan or the word. Piss poor journalism.

Oh this is good. The president of Ohio State University, E Gordon Gee, has come out and said if TCU or Boise State finish undefeated, they still don't deserve a chance to play in the BCS title game. Classy. His argument is that they don't play "murderer's row every week". They play "the Little Sisters of the Poor". Unlike Ohio State who played Marshall, Ohio, and Eastern Michigan (one of the worst teams in America) out of conference. In conference, they played Purdue (sucks), Indiana (lost one game 83-20) and Minnesota (lost to a I-AA school). Yeah, that's half their schedule that would not qualify as "hard". But Gee thinks his Buckeyes should be ahead of those lesser teams. He seems to be forgetting the last two trips to the BCS Championship game that Ohio State made where they were completely dominated. I'm sure the BCS is salivating on seeing Ohio State choke away another big game.

But the fallacy of his argument is that TCU doesn't play a hard schedule so they should get left out. I guess he doesn't think Butler should have been allowed in the NCAA basketball finals because they play in the Horizon Conference. And of course, he's forgetting that TCU and Boise State aren't being given the option of playing in the bigger conferences. Which is why Gee should keep his mouth shut. If you want to say that teams should be restricted for not playing a harder schedule, then they need to get rid of the conferences and even out the strength of schedule so everyone is the same. Plus it would help negate the money advantage that the BCS conference schools by virtue of being there. But then you'll get the next argument that college football is a business so it's proper to restrict these small schools. Good idea because once you admit college football is a business, you have to question whether they deserve tax exempt status. However, that also renders Gee a complete hypocrite because he mentions his time in the SEC. Well, he was at Vanderbilt. Vandy has not made hardly any effort to improve their football program in years. While TCU and Boise State have worked hard to build an excellent team, Vandy loses a lot but still draws a big check just for being in a conference with good, money producing teams. So let's restrict programs who are trying to be good and let scofflaws like Vandy suck up revenue without contributing anything but easy wins for the big boys.

Whitey & Other Stories

I think this was the best election story of the season (other than Republicans taking over the House of Representatives). The Green Party candidate for governor of Illinois, Rich Whitney, showed up on the machine as "Rich Whitey". Most would now make a joke that he should be a Republican, but when eight out of the ten richest members of Congress are Democrats, it doesn't really fit. Now, they say it was just a mistake. Could be true. My last name is often misspelled as "Honkey", but I doubt it. Someone had a sense of humor. I did like the guy worrying about losing votes over it. Dude, you're the Green Party candidate. This was probably the first time anyone heard of you.

It was a fun election. I would have liked for Barbara Boxer to go down. But to be honest, I was not all that sad to see Democrat Jerry Brown win the governorship of California. That state is screwed. It's been reported that California is on the hook for about $500 billion in unfunded pensions. Which is a lot more than the entire state budget. Except the amount could be closer to $3 trillion. Add to that a deteriorating economic base, an increasing number of illegal immigrants and 30% of the welfare cases in the country, and you have a state voted most likely to declare bankruptcy. I'd much rather Jerry Brown (retread governor when a lot of that crap started) captain this sinking ship.

If I was a better blogger, I would have looked up whatever X Factor is. Well, I'm assuming this story isn't about the Iron Maiden album. Sounds like one of those cookie cutter talent by the talentless shows. And one of the contestants apparently had a rough go of things but seemed to be getting it together. Now it's been reported that she has a relative who is a "high class escort". Her 81 year old grandmother. My first thought was the term "high class" is thrown around waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. My second thought was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf.

Speaking of barf, this story from West Virginia (of course) is one of the most disturbing I've ever written about. Two guys at a motel (where one lives) were drinking in his room. His horribly ugly estranged wife wanders down from her room (where she lives) looking for oral sex. The husband (less dumb one) said no. His friend (the incredibly dumb one) said sure. Until the smell drove him away. The woman decides seduction is now the best course of action so she whips out a knife and threatens to cut some throats if someone doesn't get to licking. Fortunately the police arrived. Unfortunately they didn't shoot her to make sure this story never happens again.

I think I'll move to Latvia.

Stumbled across this very interesting story. Or stupid story. Can't remember which. Madonna did some "sexy" (yeah, right) ads for someone and is all pissed off because the un-retouched versions were leaked out. Showing Madonna is 52 years old and has horribly veiny arms. I'm pissed that I had to see the pictures myself.

Reason 3,109,548 that England is going to Hell in a handbasket. A guy goes on a week vacation. A bunch of squatters move into his house and change the locks. The police won't do anything because they say it's a civil matter not a criminal one. WTF??? Exactly when did breaking and entering stop being a criminal offense? Fine. Sounds like a good time to fumigate the place. Let's get the big tent over the house and poison some rats.

But why should I be surprised by that. Here's another article about the grand social experiment going on there. A 32 year old British woman has never been married, been knocked up by four different guys to the tune of five children and has been unemployed her entire life. She clears 32K pounds a year (about $45K). For being a whore. And how does she spend this money? Vacations abroad. Three laptops. Video games for all the kids. Flat screen TVs in every bedroom. Oh and a boob job. She's proud of her looks. Shouldn't be. I love how she thinks she deserves this. That's the messed up entitlement culture that we seem to be trying to import. Nothing but a worthless drain on society thinks the country owes her a living for being ........well a worthless drain on society. And no, I don't agree with her assessment that being a mother entitles her because her lazy bitch ass is probably producing five more welfare drains. If the welfare people had any sense, they'd go confiscate a lot of that crap. Hell, take some surgical blades and get the implants back.

Of course, another thing we're trying to take from the Europeans is socialized medicine. So, here's a heart warming story from Greece. They don't want to buy "special footwear" for people with diabetes. It's cheaper to just cut the leg off.

Here's a cute story. Kanye West thought having diamonds as his bottom teeth would be cool. But just having a diamond grill would not. So he had his teeth pulled and replaced with diamond implants. I was wrong when I thought Kanye West was a moron. He's simply not that smart.

"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right." This was a cheer that a bunch of six year olds in Michigan were doing. One girl's parents complain. So that girl was booted from the team. There seems to be some debate about whether the cheer was appropriate for six year olds. I'm a prude (as everyone knows) so obviously I think sexualizing six year olds may not be the best idea out there. But really, how stupid is an organization that thinks just because a set of parents questions the appropriateness of the cheer, it's a good idea to throw the girl off the team?

Was never a fan of Christina Aguilera's music. Just not my interest. But she was hot. Getting even hotter when I find out that she liked to cruise for chicks. And her husband knew about it. But he didn't get to join in so it may have led to divorce. Remember, ladies, that making your man spank it in the corner while you're doing another girl could be detrimental to your marriage.

Ass Crack & Other Stories

A man gets stopped by police. He gives them a bag of weed that he'd hidden in his ass crack. Note to the kids out there. Hiding it in your ass crack apparently doesn't keep it hidden. So if you are willing to accept the taste of ass on your pot in the hopes of not getting it confiscated (and you sent to jail), it may not work. But the best was yet to come. He also had a bag of crack cocaine up there. But he said it wasn't his. Fortunately he did not blame it on the crack fairy. He said someone left it in the car and he shoved it up his ass too. Which is about as believable as the crack fairy. Who would leave that much crack in someone else's car? But on the plus side, where he's going, a lot of strangers will try to put things up his ass.

But drugs don't just find their way up an ass crack. A woman ......somewhere.......stuffed some meth so far up her..........well, something......... that they didn't turn up in a body cavity search. She got caught because it broke open and caused her to OD. But until that point, she had a big smile on her face.

Great news here. Obama's wacky plan to try terrorists captured in military or black ops operations has hit a snag that no one could see. Well, unless you include people with any intelligence. A judge has just thrown out evidence because the person providing it was discovered through "enhanced interrogation". That's a brilliant idea. Giving constitutional protections to foreigners who are making war on us. I keep hearing how it needs to be done because this is the way America is. That's crap. Soldiers are not going to inform someone caught on the battlefield of their Miranda rights. Besides, does anyone really believe American troops and secret agents in World War II weren't willing to rough up/torture the hell out of captured Japanese and Germans to get instant intel? Of course they did. If you think you're about to be hit by the enemy,just grab someone who might know and find out what he knows. Face it. The point of having the military commissions was to keep military prisoners in jail as criminals instead of POWs because these are guys you do not want going back into public. That was the point of the Nuremberg Trials. It wasn't really to follow rule of law. The Nuremberg Trials were a joke when one of the Russian judge's legal background was presiding over Stalin's show trials. Plus part of the charges against the German high command was invading Poland. You know, just like our Soviet "Allies" did.

Watching the Vikings-Jets game. Boring. I am curious. If the Vikings lose and go to 1-3 (possibly putting the playoffs out of reach), will his injuries suddenly make Brett Favre go on injured reserve? After all, he only came back to make a Super Bowl run. Does anyone see him playing a meaningless game in Philly in December? Why do that when he can sit in his house in Mississippi and send pictures of his wang (you may not want to play the vid) to former Jets employees. It started as singular, but now it's plural. I used to take pictures of my junk and send it out all the time, but it was an old Trac phone and everyone kept asking why I was sending pics of a vienna sausage.

As Jason Whitlock points out, this could be more than just crass behavior by a spoiled, pampered athlete. He did this to a team employee which is sexual harassment which means it's a bit more problematic than what the Jets did recently. Based on recent precedent of suspensions without evidence of a crime, the NFL may be stuck having to suspend one of their most legendary players for being a jerk. Gee, who would have thought the Ben Roethlisberger suspension may set a bad precedent. Besides me, of course. Let's see. Favre's already fumbled twice tonight and they're still scoreless in the third quarter. If that doesn't change, the Vikings will stay as the second lowest scoring team in the league. The Vikings may start lobbying the NFL to suspend Favre for the rest of the year.

And yes, my opinion of Jenn Sterger's journalistic ability (I'm sure I used pics of her on the ole semi-porn fantasy football site) isn't any higher than what I thought of the Mexican sports reporter who got catcalls from the Jets players. But Sterger worked for the team and was getting more than catcalls from the franchise star. Makes it a bit different.

Now here's a better sexual harassment story. Assuming it's true (I have my doubts), some jailers in Belgium may be making hot female lawyers take off their bras by falsely claiming the wires in them were setting off the metal detectors. Would still be pretty crude behavior but at least they used more ingenuity than sending pictures of their johnson.

Ah, that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He proclaimed in a speech at the UN that the US was responsible for 9/11 (one of these days bin Laden is going to get pissed that his friends in the Middle East won't give him the credit he wants for that). So, of course the US staged a walkout. Very symbolic. Then the UN boss ripped him for his comments saying they didn't have a place there. Yawn. But let's face it. What did they expect to happen? He's tin-pot wannabe dictator only held in power by the religious leadership that really runs Iran. The US was stupid to even be in the room when he spoke. Why give that nutsack any credibility by showing up at all? But the UN showing any type of condemnation of Iran is laughable. Remember that idiot organization put Iran on their Women's Rights Commission. How is that working out? Oh, you have a country that just arrested two journalists for trying to visit the son of a woman on death row. Her crime? Adultery. Oh, and she was already whipped for messing around after her husband died. Good move putting that country on a women's rights group. I guess the Right To Die (over sex and whether you want to or not) is deeply ingrained in Iran.

A question that has puzzled researchers for years - why do squirrels masturbate? All very scientific answers, but we all know why. Because they can.

I'll freely admit that I've never really known crap about Katy Perry. And really could have lived my life without knowing too much. After all, the first real story I heard about her dealt with her giving a concert at her old high school. And seeing her old crush who she then tried to embarrass for not asking her out back in the day. Let's see. "Oh yeah, you really chose right honey. What’s up. What’s up now, player." Really? He would have been better off dating a girl in high school who is both narcissistic and incredibly insecure and would have most likely dumped him the moment she got famous? Her crush seems to agree with me. But then I found out that she was on Sesame Street and they cut a scene from the show because she's showing too much cleavage. That kind of made me want to take a second look (but nothing audible after hearing her music). After seeing said scene, my response is "meh". I like my cleavage to have more cleavage.

Sports Stories & Other Stories

While watching the Louisville game (and later probably UK), it seems like a good time to leisurely update the blog with some backlogged stories. Big game for Louisville. If they can go on the road to Oregon State and make a good showing, it will give me hope for a decent season.

Great. Louisville looked to score as Adam Froman ran into the end zone, but the ball was punched out at the one yard line and went through the back of the end zone thus giving the ball to Oregon State at the 20. God, I hate that rule with a passion. It makes no sense to give the ball to the defense if they force a fumble but don't recover it. They don't do it anywhere else on the field. But Louisville has been in scoring position twice and came away with nothing. Not nearly good enough to do that.

One of the most important news stories in America......no, the world is the sexual harassment faced by Mexican sports reporter Ines Sainz. Why is it so important? I can't think of one good reason at all. She shows up to a New York Jets practice to do an interview and gets catcalls. Why did she get catcalls? She has a tendency to dress provocatively. And not really behave as you expect a serious news reporter to behave. So, were the Jets players acting unprofessionally? I guess, but what do expect? Their "profession" is trying to physically destroy each other. These guys play a sport that they know will lead to long term injuries and possible brain damage, and yet, they still play. How gentlemanly do you think they are? But who is really the less professional? Personally I think it's the strumpet trying to milk this for even more attention. We're talking professionalism here. Being a professional means dressing appropriately for your job. I don't act surprised or shocked when women hyperventilate in excitement (almost looks like dry heaving) as I show up in the office in biker shorts. It's not what I should be wearing to the office so I can't complain about their reaction to it. So, I don't think much of the professionalism in sports journalists to begin with, but even under that low standard, I don't consider Sainz a serious journalist of anything. She may be smart. She may know her stuff, but she's clearly using sex appeal to get ahead. Which is fine. But if you're selling sex over ability, don't come crying to me when someone starts buying.

And when Mike Ditka says shut up, you shut up.

Great. After a good defensive stand, Louisville roughs the punter to give Oregon State a first down. Holds again for another punt. Then offense goes in reverse and Oregon State scores for a 7-0 lead.

Now this is awesome. Since continuing to blame George Bush for ......well, everything two years later is absurd to most non-liberals, Barack Obama is now trying to blame John Boehner for his troubles. Apparently Obama is unaware that the House of Representatives is a majority rules sort of organization. And Obama's party has a large majority. So, blaming the minority leader for your inability to do what you want is laughable to anyone with a clue. But what really makes it great is criticizing Boehner for golfing. Can they really be serious? It took Obama less than a year to play more golf than George W. Bush did in eight years. He's the guy who goes to the G8 meeting and his first question is about the golf courses. Can't make the funeral of the Polish president? Have a choice to find a proper place to offer condolences to the Polish people or go to the golf course? Guess what Barack Obama chose. Democrats criticizing anyone for golfing too much is like me criticizing someone for drinking and surfing porn.

Actually, it is great. Louisville is actually showing a pulse on offense. They tied the game at 14. Defense is having trouble with the Beaver running game. Beaver....heh heh. But only down 7 at the half.

I think the Jets' biggest problem isn't a big assed reporter from Mexico. It's the fact they aren't the Super Bowl caliber team that everyone thought. Well, I didn't. They got hot and made the AFC title game, but they only made the playoffs because Indy rested their last two games. Defense is good but I don't see much from the offense. Just a lot of mouth. Without backing it up. Someone (I don't remember who) noted that for all the brash talk, Rex Ryan had them kick a field goal instead of going for 4th and short inside Balmer's 10. But he's like his old man, Buddy Ryan, in that respect. Buddy would have his team fighting itself. He'd put bounties on opposing players (including kickers). He talked a lot of shit. Then went 0-3 in the playoffs and lost meekly in every one of them.

Second half starts with defense falling down. Just aren't big enough or fast enough to get this done. Offense struggling again which is bad news. Need to stay on the field more. Give the defense some rest.

Well, here is one story that didn't need to get out. Someone tried to sell a video of Brandon Spikes playing with his junk (and some hottie) to deadspin.com. The reason they didn't buy is because of most people's reaction to reading the story - "who is Brandon Spikes?". Well, I know because I watch a lot of college football and knew he'd been drafted. But doesn't mean anyone wants to see his junk. I might watch it to see the girl. Well, her boobs. And that is the other reason no one wants to watch this. Guys watch celebrity sex tapes. That's why all the famous sex tapes are of celebrity women. It's not called the Tommy Lee sex tape. It's the Pamela Anderson sex tape. The only time a famous guy's sex tape may get a lot of play is if rumor is he's got some kind of mutation or is poorly hung (and thus making guys viewing it feel better about themselves).

Well, Oregon State's run game got going. Big time. But Louisville is still only down 14 and just knocked the Beaver's (heh heh) starting quarterback out of the game. Making them punt from midfield. Holy crap. We just scored. Awesome. Hey, UK is only up 6-3 on Akron midway through the second quarter. What's going on there? Akron lost to Gardner-Webb last week. This shouldn't even be a game.

If someone in my neighborhood had an illegal cobra breeding operation and 160 got loose, I would kill everyone involved.

Louisville pulled within 7, but threw a pick with a minute left. Reinforced my beliefs from after the UK game. Louisville is finally being coached up. They're playing above their lack of talent and won't quit for anything. But there is a ceiling what they can accomplish with it. But I like where we're going.

Oh wow. People are worried that not allowing a mosque at the spot of an Islam influenced terrorist attack will make us look bad in the Muslim world. I say who cares. Know why? The Muslim world sure doesn't care about our opinion. In Indonesia, a Christian church was shut down. Was it on a Muslim holy spot? Nope. Just in a Muslim neighborhood and they (being the tolerant beings that we know Muslims to be) didn't want it around. So, what did they do when some Christians insisted on still worshiping there? Stabbed one of them. But hey, it's not like they burned anything. Oh, and guess what. Indonesia is a "moderate" Muslim country.

Okay, what exactly has Auburn done to get the benefit of every call at home? They were losing 17-3 to Clemson. A Clemson defensive back leaps at the two yard line to intercept an Auburn pass. He is barely able to get a second foot down before his momentum carries him into the endzone and out the side. They marked the ball at the 1 yard line for Clemson. Later, Clemson takes a kickoff in the endzone. The return man waffled on coming out but finally knelt right behind the goal line. About five seconds later (and after the whistle), he gets hit and knocked over by an Auburn player. Brent Musberger showed his true stupidity by saying they must not have called a late hit penalty because the ref was late getting over to stand in front of the return man. How retarded is he? It's college. You can never hit a guy kneeling on the ground.

This little nugget popped up over the summer. They're destroying 40 million doses of the swine flu vaccine. Because it didn't get used. Then they'll destroy some more. Yet, somehow we all survived. I guess nobody thought they were overreacting to something that wasn't showing to be particularly deadly. Well, I know one person who did.

In a moment of clarity or something, Fidel Castro admitted something that anyone with common sense already knew - the Cuban model does not work. Granted, Castro then tried to say what he meant was "exactly the opposite" and he was misunderstood. Which makes no sense because he admits the quote that the Cuban model doesn't work is accurate. So, therefore, the Cuban model doesn't work. Of course, if you're only paying your slaves....citizens $20 a month, it can't be working too well. Hmmm. Apparently, younger brother Raul misunderstood too as he just laid off 500,000 state workers. Oops.

It's amazing how poorly a state run dictatorship can do when it relied on money from a much larger (say the USSR) state run dictatorship that folded before it. Cuba has always been a fantasy world to rich lefties who would never think of moving to Cuba and living on $20 a month but it makes them feel good to like the concept. So what is left for them. Well, there is Hugo Chavez and Venezuela. They can survive because they have oil to support them. Well, they did. Now they have an economy that is declining worse than near bankrupt Greece. Oops. Let me get this straight. He keeps nationalizing industries and no one wants to invest their money there? I wonder if there is a connection. But then I read this lovely story about a bunch of Venezuelans who are even further left than Chavez. It mentions that they've been able to implement socialist policies. One of which is apparently "socialist stores sell milk and meat from recently nationalized producers at about 50 percent discount." If there is any statement that shows why only deluded people believe in socialism, that is it. Anyone can sell something for a steep discount if their supply chain is stealing it from someone else. Margaret Thatcher made the point that socialism doesn't work because "they always run out of other people's money." Well, at some point, those bozos will run out of things to steal.

Recap & Other Stuff

Got the end result wrong on the UL/UK game, but I still think my analysis was spot on. After a quick start by UK to go up 13-0 in the first quarter, UL outscored them 16-10 keeping the final score within a touchdown. Overall talent did go to UK. Depth really wasn't a factor as UL got better as the game went on. Well, there was one case. Louisville's starting receiver got hurt early and his backup dropped everything thrown his way. I think the fact that UL adjusted a lot better after the first quarter reinforces my belief that Charlie Strong is a better coach than Joker Phillips. Louisville had no pass rush to speak of. Their defensive players compensated for their lack of size by being slow. I don't know how UK only scored 3 second half points. I didn't think either quarterback was all that impressive. Mike Hartline looked efficient, but with no pass rush, that's easy. I still can't figure out why Louisville played Adam Froman. His selling point was athleticism overcoming a weak ass arm. Yet, he rarely scrambled. Hell, he wouldn't even step up in the pocket. Granted, it didn't help that his wide receivers caught only six passes while dropping five. I did think UL's offensive line played well. Froman did have a pocket. Bilal Powell was a better running back than Derrick Locke. Even if you exclude Powell's 80 touchdown run, he averaged almost 5 yards on his other carries. But the best player on the field was Randall Cobb. His 51 yard touchdown run sealed the deal. UK better keep him healthy because he reminds me of Antwaan Randle-El when he was at Indiana. He singlehandedly took a relatively poor team and made them mediocre.

But what does the future hold for each team? Well, the fact that they didn't give up tells me UL can win some games. The fact that they only have one wideout who can catch footballs and a short, slow defense makes me think six wins is their limit. I'm not sure UK is very good. Bilal Powell and Victor Anderson are the only Louisville playmakers on offense. Johnny Patrick is the only good defensive player. Yet, they basically beat UK for the last three quarters. UK can't get away with that against good teams. But they should get six wins as the minimum. With their other three non-conference games being Western Kentucky, Akron and Charleston Southern, the Louisville win means they should 4-0 outside the SEC. Ole Miss lost to a 1-AA school. Vandy is Vandy. That's six wins. Seven is certainly not out of the question. I don't see Auburn, Georgia, South Carolina or Tennessee being all that good. And UK beat Auburn and Georgia on the road last year. So even if UK chokes away a game to Ole Miss or Vandy, they should still pick up another win along the way. After watching LSU almost blow their game against a UNC team missing half their starters, this would be a good year to face the Les Miles potential screwup train.

Great news. A church in Florida has declared it will not burn Korans on 9/11 in response to the ground zero mosque controversy mentioned last week. A lot of people got bent out of shape about it. Going all the way up to the President. Of course, based on the mosque principle, if the church buys the Korans, it's their property and they can do what they want with it. Right? Sure. I heard all kinds of words thrown around to describe the church group - outrageous, insensitive, idiotic, etc. How about irrelevant? This is a small church no one ever heard of before, and suddenly everyone is concerned that a global uprising will happen because of some podunk, nobody church doing a publicity stunt? I wouldn't do it because General Petraeus asked not to and it's disrespectful. But FBI visits? Global alert by Interpol? Warnings of violence by Muslim leaders? Isn't Islam the religion of peace? The assumption that this will lead to violence is pretty much stating that the vast majority of Muslims in the world are irrational savages. Because civilized people don't act like this. When was the last time Christians rioted over the destruction of their holy objects in Saudi Arabia? Or Buddhists to protest the destruction of the giant Buddhas in Afghanistan? Respect, sensitivity and tolerance has a tendency to be a one way street for the Muslim leadership.

But I say go ahead and do the burning. I think it's disrespectful to attack a holy object for a different religion, and I don't think Saudi Arabia is who we want to emulate. But if you're worried about Muslim reaction, what's the difference? Muslims get outraged and offended? Big deal. That isn't a normal position for them. That's basically their default position. They're constantly offended. And the threat of violence? Once again, default position. Anything that could possibly be slightly insulting to Islam is met with threats of violence. There have been times Muslims have (with no sense of irony) advocated violence against critics for..........wait for it.......claiming Muslims are violent.

UPDATE: He may have changed his mind.

Not long ago, Time magazine declared the BP oil spill wasn't the environmental apocalypse that it was supposed to be. Glad I didn't think of that when it first happened. I might be feeling kind of smug.

Been awhile since a porn star story. Someone came up with a list of the 13 smartest porn stars. Thought it was interesting that two went to San Francisco State University. And two went to Rutgers. Makes you wonder what kind of majors those two schools are offering. But I did notice that #12 is a graduate of the University of Kentucky. And once had sex with 919 men. In one day. They should hang a banner at Rupp Arena.

How about another porn story? Laurence Fishburne was embarrassed recently (at least I hope he was) when it came out his daughter was trying to further her career by acting in a porno. Because everyone knows that's how you break into real acting. Of course, he's no stranger to acting shame. After all, Fishburne was Cowboy Curtis in Pee-wee's Playhouse. Oops. This was actually her second movie. And she might be a prostitute. I guess next step is for the video of her to surface with a beagle and jar of peanut butter.

French fighter jets were recently credited with 4800 confirmed kills. Too bad they were chickens. On the plus side, France received favorable surrender terms from the cows.

I think what I find so bizarre about the whole mosque/Koran burning is the reaction from the politically liberal people. They generally don't act very favorably towards religious groups. The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage? Try to take it over. The Mormons do too? Vandalize their temple. But strangely, no black churches even though they overwhelmingly voted against gay marriage. Oppose abortion? We'll try to use racketeering laws against your protest. Yet, as socially conservative as those religions are, they have nothing compared to what is mainstream Islam. Gay rights in Muslim countries aren't about marriage. It's about not being killed for being gay. The Mormon church is patriarchal and the Catholics won't allow women priest. In many Muslim countries, women aren't allowed to drive cars or go out in public without a male family member. Rape victims are routinely charged with adultery if they go to the police. Yet, they seem to be on the side of a religious leader who wants to build a mosque at ground zero and spread sharia law. I shouldn't be surprised. It's not something new. Jews tend to be some of the most socially liberal people in the world. The ones in Israel are clearly the most socially liberal people in the Middle East. Yet, liberals in this country seem to like Hamas better. As long as they don't kill too many homosexuals. Oh, and maintain their great tolerance for other religions.

I saw this story about Paul McCartney when it first came out. He does some PBS concert for Obama and makes a comment bashing Bush as not knowing what a library is. Showing his worldliness by letting it be known that he doesn't know Bush was married to a librarian. Yawn. Another lefty celeb bashing a Republican in front of other lefty celebs. Granted, the setting was rather tacky, but what can you expect. Then I saw where he claimed that he got great support for it because it was "rock 'n roll". Woo-hoo. I find this quite funny because I think the Beatles were about as edgy as lettuce. They were a teen idol boy band that had somewhat long hair (in a horrible chili bowl cut). Everything they did was following trends. After harder bands showed up, the Beatles got a little harder sound. Drugs became trendy so they became hippies. New age religion? That was for morons then and it's for morons now. The edgiest thing the Beatles ever did was the recording the song Taxman.

A man decides to end it all. By jumping from 40 stories. He actually lives because a woman's car breaks his fall. And she's pissed because her car was totaled. My first inclination was that's a rather callous thought. Then I thought about it. If you're going to commit suicide, you should have respect for others. Don't jump from a building where you might land on someone (or their car). Jump from a bridge. Then I found out she had a classic Dodge Charger and I would be just as pissed as she is. But what I love about the article is the picture of the couple. It looks like it was from some event so I assume the paper got it from them. Did she look through her pictures and decide the best choice was the one with her boob about to fall out?

Speaking of bad stock photos, there is this story of British social workers paying for a guy with "learning disabilities" to go to Amsterdam to run whores. A guy with dyslexia can get government funded hookers? And a trip to another country to buy one? And for what reason? Because sex is a "human right" and the guy was sexually frustrated. Welcome to my world. Sex may be a human right, but only if someone is willing to give it to you. Or you pay for it yourself. Otherwise, grab the Vaseline and do it with Rosy Palms. But really, my main problem is the stock photo of the prostitute. She's pudgy. They must have files of stock photos of Dutch hookers. They couldn't find a hot one?

One more sex story. A couple (of what I'm not sure) was going at it hot and heavy. Unfortunately for them, they were doing it outside a community center. With kids inside and a crowd gathered around to watch. That's kind of illegal. But it gets better. One of the onlookers happened to be the guy's girlfriend (meaning the female fornicator was not) who went over to see what all the commotion was about. But so far, the boyfriend isn't claiming he was forced to do it because his girlfriend was transgendered and couldn't have sex. So he has that going for him. But my favorite line was from the EMT who was at the local fire station across the street. He said they'd been watching through binoculars "because he could not believe what he was seeing." Yeah. I'm sure he wasn't watching because there was a free sex show going on.