Unrest in the Middle East & Charlie Sheen. Are they related?

Big news in the Middle East. Lots of protest have already brought down regimes in Tunisia and Egypt. Libya is pretty much in a civil war. Yemen is close. Bahrain is having some troubles. It seems some people have suddenly realized they have lived for years under autocratic regimes. Oh, and ethanol production has led to higher food prices which caused rioting in those regions. Too bad no one ever thought making the connection between ethanol subsidies and food prices. But we've got revolution and a lot of people seem to like that. Viva la revolution or something. Nice in theory. But while I have no love for Hosni Mubarak and would dearly love to see Moammar Gadhafi-Qaddafi-Khadafy have his intestines stretched across the street, be careful what you wish for. Know who else likes revolution in the Middle East? Al-qaeda. Sure, in Libya, who cares. Can't get much worse than Khadafy Duck, but Egypt is another story. It's much larger and the most organized opposition to Mubarak was the Muslim Brotherhood which despite some fools saying it's a secular organization, the Muslim Brotherhood may not lead to the the free society envisioned. Sure, it's easy to say that the revolt in Egypt is the "youths", but just because they are leading it doesn't mean they'll keep it. After all, Khomeini in Iran and the Taliban in Afghanistan were just part of a larger anti-government group, but both gained control and turned their country into a third world Islamic theocracy.

Ah, Charlie Sheen. Is there nothing he can't do? Drug fueled rampage with a porn star in New York? Check. Attempt to start a porn family? Check. More porn stars and a suitcase of coke leading to a funny Taiwanese animated news story (that poor teddy bear)? Check. Blowing off rehab to take your ex-wife, new girlfriend and another porn actress on a cruise? Check. Get your highly paid gig shut down early because you went on an insane rant against your bosses? Check. Challenge your producer to a MMA fight and have another MMA fighter threaten to kick your ass? Check. And then it gets better. Sheen gives interviews. Which was his finest moment? Saying crack is okay if you can "manage it socially"? Calling on his fans to "walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice"? Telling ABC that "I'm on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen"? Nope. I think the winning interview was claiming he turned his TV show "into pure gold" and that "I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips". Okay. Now, he's beyond delusional and just plain stupid. I've seen Two and A Half Men. It's a decent show. I don't think it's good enough to set the DVR, but I often watch it if I catch it on. It's a show where Sheen plays a misogynistic womanizer with a substance abuse problem. Boy, that's some range. I'm just waiting for my big break as a single fat guy who loves chicken wings, might have a substance abuse problem and wishes he was a womanizer. But I have magic in my wang. Besides, I've seen The Wraith and I'm not impressed that much with his acting. He's probably still pissed they killed him off early in Young Guns while letting his brother get top billing. But face it. How often does he even change expression while acting? Now, will his TV show survive without him? Probably not. Will the world be a poorer place without it? Nope. And some may think he's acting out because he's bi-polar. I disagree. He's probably just an asshole. If they want to make money off of him, they should bring the show back and run it live. People will tune in just to see if this is the week he dies on stage.

But in our never ending quest to find a replacement for the soon to be dead Sheen, we've discovered the 8 year old drunk in Scotland. Not sure why the surprise. After all, the country was named after a type of whisky (I think that's the order it went in). Apparently this child is from a family of alcoholics. But it is claimed she now has the support she needs. What? A new family? Happy tree friends? Is she already collecting welfare payments? But what's the worry? The United Kingdom is already in a buttload of trouble. I've already mentioned how a guy went on vacation for a week and squatters moved in. Well, these stories keep popping up. Here's another one where a man bought a house and a bunch of deadbeats moved in. Now he's being told it could be a couple of months before squatters can be evicted. On the first story, I thought it was utterly asinine that police said it wasn't a criminal manner because they didn't break in. How is that even rational? It's not their house. The person who has the title to it has stated that they have no right to be there. Ergo, they must have broken in to get inside there. If I leave the windows down on my car, you can't legally take the radio. But this instant takes it to a whole new level of rank European stupidity. The government is giving the shiftless maggots free legal aid to fight the eviction because they're shiftless maggots who don't have a job (and probably couldn't or wouldn't keep one if they did). Even worse, those sons of bitches have posted a notice against anyone trespassing. What the Hell is going on when a man who has made something of himself and works hard has fewer rights than some limpdick layabouts?

What the heck. How about another depravity story from the old country? A teenager tracks down his long lost dad. Finds him. Starts sleeping with his new stepmom. They break up because the situation is causing problems within the family. Then she starts seeing her stepson's best friend. Then I saw the picture of her. And thought "Really?". I guess if you find an English girl with good teeth, you hang onto her.

But can't really say that level of crass behavior is in vogue only in England. After all, it was in Phoenix that a wife of a local supervisor was arrested for having sex with a 14 year old boy. Then her adult daughter was arrested for having sex with that same boy, except he was 13 when she went after the young stuff. And in case you just assume that behavior is something yokels out in the sticks do, a professor at Columbia has been charged with incest. They keep saying with a "young relative" (heard it was his daughter), but then it says the relative was over 18 when it all started. Which makes me confused. If she was above the age of consent, how can she be a victim? Why isn't she being charged also? I smell sexism in the judicial system.

Here's a story on how far the regulatory nuts have gone in this country. The Easy-Bake Oven is going to have to change because their heating element was a 100 watt incandescent light bulb. Which have been banned beginning in 2012. Oh, they'll add some other heating element but how easy will that be to change? Besides, what the Hell business is it of the federal government whether or not I use a regular incandescent light bulb or one of those silly fluorescent (and toxic) light bulbs? I pay for my electricity. If I decide that I have to sit under enough fluorescent lights at work and want the better looking incandescent light source at home, that's my damned business. Rot in hell with your mercury filled lamps you regulatory bastards.

I have finally found an excuse to use when I get drunk and smash up my hotel room. I'll say I got a phone call and to save the midget locked in the next room while destroying the secret surveillance cameras. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I don't really care much for Michael Moore. Something about him being a low life hypocritical hack just rubs me the wrong way. What's the latest thing that makes me roll my eyes? He's bitching about rich people having money. He wants to take it. Let's start with the most laughably absurd part of his interview. The use of the word "they". As if he doesn't belong in that category. You see that money grubbing bastard already made almost $20 million off Fahrenheit 9/11, but he's now suing the Weinstein brothers for another $2.7 million. My favorite line is from Moore's attorney that an audit found "the Weinsteins had re-routed at least $2.7 million dollars that belonged to Michael Moore." See, in the interview, populist Moore says rich people's money is "not theirs.....that's ours." But in court, plaintiff Moore says those millions belong to him. Personally, I believe that if you're owed the money, you have every right to get it. The difference is that I've never railed against rich people and capitalism like this dumbass has. Oh, and the way to get that money for Moore is to do it through the tax system. Tax the rich and get their money. Which is coming from a guy who championed (and got paid) a big tax credit for making movies in Michigan. It's almost like Moore insists on things that he doesn't let happen to himself.

Earlier in this posting, I mentioned depravity in America versus Europe (leaving out the goat humping in the Middle East). Let's go head to head. In Oakland, a teacher was suspended when several second graders in her classroom just took off their clothes. Oh, and then later two of the students had oral sex with each other. Now, that seems..............well, bad. It's even worse because the teacher was there for both incidents. Which really begs the question why was she just suspended and not arrested? Granted, it's the bay area, but I was once in the second grade. I really don't remember students leading a big strip off in the classroom. But in Spain, a 10 year old girl just gave birth. Which makes sense that it wasn't a 10 year old boy. What makes this rather sad is that the girls mother said that "10 years old is not considered young in Romania." I hate to point out to her that 10 years old should be considered young for sex.............well, anywhere. Why do I see all the sex tourists changing from Thailand to Romania?

I missed this story during the football season. Mainly because it involves Duke football and I'm not sure that really exists. Apparently Duke had a "Tailgate" event set up for students. They canceled it when a teenager was found passed out drunk in a portable crapper. Personally, I laughed out loud when I read that. Come on. Does Duke's administration think removing a sanctioned event will lead to less drinking? I think the event went rather well. At least they didn't turn the port-a-can over while the person was passed out in it.

It's been a good day. First I found an excuse for trashing a hotel room. Now I have one in case I get caught trying to rub one off in front of a teenage cheerleader on a plane. I spilled tabasco sauce on my junk causing it to itch. Not sure what excuse to use for the lecherous looks and drooling but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

The Grammy stuff and other things

I don't watch the Grammy Awards. Or pretty much any award show. It would get in the way of surfing dirty web sites and picking lint from my belly button. That and I find them very boring. But as a news junkie, I still see what goes on. Namely people whining about who wins what and why. This year the first big catastrophe I heard about was some jazz singer who plays a standup bass (maybe they thought she was Sting) beating out Justin Bieber and his ridiculous hair for best new artist. The next was Eminem being the heavy favorite for Album of the Year and losing to some band I've never heard of. First off, I can't figure the nomination process. I know Bieber was around two years ago and apparently the jazz singer has recorded since 2006. Yet, both were nominated for Best New Artist. But what do people really expect to happen? The voters for the Grammys are member of the National Academy of something or other. Most of them are music execs and technical staff. Justin Bieber lost because the Academy isn't made up of 14 year old girls (whether that is a plus is up to the individual reader). Now, to be fair, I did look up a Bieber video to find out what exactly his music style is. Found out it was crap and his bowling form isn't that good. So, a lot of adult industry execs like jazz over generic teeny bopper pablum? Like OMG!!! Who couldn't see that coming?

It's the same with Eminem. Just because record company people are willing to make money off of his crap doesn't mean they actually like to listen to it any more than I do. Just because a bunch of wannabe tough guys think he's "dangerous" doesn't really make his product that good. And who really thinks he's that dangerous. Of all the 'gangsta' rappers out there, he's the least threatening. Think about it. He's been caught carrying a gun twice. Unloaded. And that was during a "feud" with the Insane Clown Posse? Ah, those Eminem feuds. I guess Everlast may have the top of the heap considering his others were with his mother, his wife and Mariah Carey. I guess that's close to the Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG feud. Eminem can't even get a good street drug addiction. Crack? Heroin? Meth? Nope. Prescription drugs. The drug of choice for middle aged mountain women. If that ain't gangsta, I don't know what is. Unless you count the commercials he was in during the Super Bowl. Brisk tea? Ooooh. And Chrysler? All the big pimps are cruising in the Sebring. Oh wait. They did away with the Sebring. And replaced it with the Chrysler 200. Which was the car Eminem was advertising. But also the city of Detroit because nothing says quality like the city of Detroit. Great line from the commercial where Detroit is referred to as "a town that has been to Hell and back." Uhm, yeah. It never made it back. Actually, Eminem and Detroit deserve each other.

Awesome hooker story. Woman travels from Michigan to Louisville to give naked massages for $250 a pop. When the vice cops ask her if she'll do anal (I guess asking for a BJ or just regular sex was too inappropriate), she said sure. For an extra $50. So, a massage is worth five times as much as buttsex? Her kiester is the Walmart of her retail enterprise.

John Stossel once did an interview with the chief of the New York teachers union, and she actually believed (or was lying, but what's the difference) that private sector employees routinely only work "six hour, 40 minute" days. Yeah, if you work fast food or retail and have a maximum limit on hours worked so you don't lose your welfare check. I thought of that when I saw all the fun in Wisconsin as the public employee unions threw a massive hissy fit as the new governor of Wisconsin pushed a bill to restrict the items that can be collectively bargained which would make it easier to make the state employees actually pay some of their health insurance premiums and contribute to their retirement. You know, like just about every private sector employee in the country does. But no, the teachers all called in sick and held a massive rally to demonize opposition (so much for the new civility) and generally make asses of themselves.

Now, I have nothing against teachers in general, but I hate to tell them that they aren't all that special. There are a lot of good teachers out there, just like there are a lot of good employees in every industry. There is also a lot of garbage pretending to teach. I went to college with a lot of people who majored in education who freely admitted they wanted to be a teacher to have summers off. But I don't know why good teachers put up with it. Unions mean that they won't be paid commiserate of their abilities. A high school physics teacher could easily be making less than a second grade teacher who has a few more years under her belt. One is teaching almost at a college level. The other spends half her time getting her charges not to wet themselves. Yeah. They should be paid the same. I'm not even convinced an elementary school teacher requires a four year degree. They could be taught all they need at a two year technical school. Personally, I don't believe any public employees should be allowed to unionize since they are negotiating with a monopoly who pays them with someone else's money. Very corrupting to see a group donate to the campaigns of people who vote on how much money they can make. But I think the teachers and other unions are going to find out they are overreaching badly. They may get a big crowd (easy to do when you bus them in) and make a lot of noise, but I guarantee you that voters who haven't received a raise in two years and fear losing their job entirely probably don't have much sympathy for people doing better than the average while working a lot fewer hours. Oh, and making those voters scramble to find babysitters because you couldn't wait until the weekend to hold your rallies isn't going to help either.

But I think my favorite part of the whole thing was the accusation that the Wisconsin governor was acting like a "dictator". And that somehow the process is undemocratic. Yeah, okay. That's very laughable. Democratic senators have fled to Illinois so they won't have to vote on it because they know they'll lose. Scott Walker was elected (you know, as part of the Democratic process) governor on this platform. Republicans also took control of both houses in the same election. Somehow, blocking a vote is democracy and following through with your vote isn't. I think there is a large group of people unclear of that concept. Besides, if this measure is so bad and unpopular, Democrats should want the Republicans to vote on it. Won't they end up being voted out of office over it if it's that bad? Yeah. Democrats and union leaders know I'm right. The support is for the bill, not against. And no amount of screaming and vote blocking is going to change that.

But as long as we're talking about teachers, I don't think I've done a teacher-bangs-student story for awhile. This one is nice because the teacher was doing five different students, mostly football players. Very supportive of the team. And it appears to be working. I looked them up and they kind of stink, but they more than doubled their win total from 2009 to 2010. Incentive based athletics if you ask me. Then there was this story that on the surface seemed a relatively common story of these situations although getting caught by the cops while flopping naked on top of a 16 year old boy in the backseat of her car was a little more titillating (ha, I said tit) than most. But that's not what makes this one special. It's the fact that as part of her job, she counseled other teacher. On how to avoid banging students. I guess she was doing some really in depth research into the subject. Or was just a whore.

Tom Brady won the NFL MVP this year. He had a good season. Probably deserved the award. But he's done. Can't call him an elite player anymore. And not just because he's looked like crap in his last three playoff appearances. But mostly because he's now the face of Uggs boots for men. I wasn't aware that they had a men's version of their ugly boots. But I have to guess they are as performance deflating as they are soul destroying.

If you want to know what public unions lead to, look no further than the Cranston police department. A police officer gets fired and thinks he should have get his job back. Why was he fired? He and his partner were having sex with some bimbo while on duty. In uniform. In a threesome. I do like the line from his supervisor about how the officer didn't seem to be doing much work - "I don't know what he was doing out there." Well, he must not have been listening to the testimony in court, because I now know what he was doing out there.

A woman in Idaho pretended to be a plastic surgeon and performed breast exams on a couple of other women. At a bar. Real geniuses there. Most doctors don't make house calls and you think they'll do some doctoring at a bar? And the name Berlyn Aussieahshowna doesn't sound made at all. I don't know why I never thought to try this. Oh wait, I did. The women just didn't buy my act. Probably the heavy breathing and drool running down my mouth. Oh, and the fact I wasn't wearing any pants.

Consumer Protection for Whoremongering and Other Stories

I'm not saying you shouldn't hire a hooker if you're so inclined. However, it is illegal in most jurisdictions. So, when you don't get the full service that you expect, don't call the cops. They just won't be that understanding. Actually some stuff I don't understand. A BJ was only worth $40 while a boobie flash was $20? Now I don't hire hookers (seriously, I don't), but if the fee schedule has a BJ only $20 more than seeing some boobs, I think you should expect a scam.

Hey, another hooker story. With a British spree killer. Some Thai hooker slept with a man who was going to marry her best friend. But don't worry. Her friend is also a Thai hooker so it's not really cheating. Then the dude went and killed 12 people a bit later. However, when I read the story, the only thing I could think was "Good God, what is wrong with her eye?"

I missed this story when it first happened. Albert (calling him Fat Albert is too easy) Haynesworth has been Mike Shanahan's whipping boy in Washington because he is one of the highest paid players in the league but skipped offseason workouts because he didn't like taking a contract bonus and then being moved to nose guard by a new staff. Well, Haynesworth says a $100 million contract doesn't make him a slave. He's right. Slaves don't get paid. That's kind of the definition, moron. But signing the document makes you a contract man. Meaning you have to play to get paid. Dickhead.

Speaking of athletes, I didn't say much about LeBron James because it's NBA and I don't really care much. But I thought it was ridiculous for him to say racism was a reason people thought poorly of him. What did he really expect to happen after he announced he would move to the Miami Heat. I don't have an issue with the decision. I wouldn't want to play in Cleveland. After all, it is Cleveland. Plus, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh would play with him in Chicago or Miami, but there was no chance on them going to Cleveland with James. The problem is he looked like an arrogant ass by holding an hour long TV special to announce his decision. Cleveland fans especially have a right to be angry as they were so publicly spurned. Plus James waited very late to make the decision, possibly hurting their chances with other free agents. But maybe not. It's still Cleveland. He didn't even have the courtesy to personally tell Cleveland's owner who gave him a ton of money and let James do whatever he wanted while he was there. When you let your confidence move to arrogance and throw in an incredible sense of entitlement, you may lose some of your fans.

But it's not race. Because we see the same situation with Brett Favre. I used to be a huge Favre fan, but that ended and it wasn't when he went around taking pictures of his junk (he's okay with TSA scanners). It was when he began the whole I'm retiring (as an excuse to change teams) and then lying about it. I have no respect for Favre anymore. I now enjoy seeing him lose because he's been such a jerk. Clearly Favre hasn't had near the backlash of James. Several commentators are still nauseating in their adoration of Favre. But he also won a title which James has yet to do. And while I think a lot of Favre's behavior was trying to get out of training camp, I do also think he wanted to feel the love of team's asking him back. But he wasn't close to the narcissistic spectacle that James gave us.

Father of the year candidate. Some guy in Florida had a visit from the police. In the course of searching his house, they found some stuff. Like liquor bottles in one teenage daughter's bedroom. And marijuana in an ashtray that his other daughter was smoking because he let her smoke pot in the house. Oh, and a stripper pole. I love his line "I can fill the courtroom twice with people who can say how great a dad I am". Of course he doesn't say those people are his daughter's friends who want to come over and get drunk or high and his own pervert friends who want to see his 17 year old daughter grinding on a pole.

Speaking of friends, another guy had a problem with one of his "friends". A guy was hanging out and arguing with an amateur tattoo guy. Asked for a dragon tattoo or something. Instead, he got a penis tattoo on his back, punched in the face and thrown out. Note to self. Don't get your tattoos from an amateur. Definitely don't get them from an amateur you just had a fight with. I like that it says there was a dirty slogan on it with a misspelled word. But it doesn't say the slogan or the word. Piss poor journalism.

Oh this is good. The president of Ohio State University, E Gordon Gee, has come out and said if TCU or Boise State finish undefeated, they still don't deserve a chance to play in the BCS title game. Classy. His argument is that they don't play "murderer's row every week". They play "the Little Sisters of the Poor". Unlike Ohio State who played Marshall, Ohio, and Eastern Michigan (one of the worst teams in America) out of conference. In conference, they played Purdue (sucks), Indiana (lost one game 83-20) and Minnesota (lost to a I-AA school). Yeah, that's half their schedule that would not qualify as "hard". But Gee thinks his Buckeyes should be ahead of those lesser teams. He seems to be forgetting the last two trips to the BCS Championship game that Ohio State made where they were completely dominated. I'm sure the BCS is salivating on seeing Ohio State choke away another big game.

But the fallacy of his argument is that TCU doesn't play a hard schedule so they should get left out. I guess he doesn't think Butler should have been allowed in the NCAA basketball finals because they play in the Horizon Conference. And of course, he's forgetting that TCU and Boise State aren't being given the option of playing in the bigger conferences. Which is why Gee should keep his mouth shut. If you want to say that teams should be restricted for not playing a harder schedule, then they need to get rid of the conferences and even out the strength of schedule so everyone is the same. Plus it would help negate the money advantage that the BCS conference schools by virtue of being there. But then you'll get the next argument that college football is a business so it's proper to restrict these small schools. Good idea because once you admit college football is a business, you have to question whether they deserve tax exempt status. However, that also renders Gee a complete hypocrite because he mentions his time in the SEC. Well, he was at Vanderbilt. Vandy has not made hardly any effort to improve their football program in years. While TCU and Boise State have worked hard to build an excellent team, Vandy loses a lot but still draws a big check just for being in a conference with good, money producing teams. So let's restrict programs who are trying to be good and let scofflaws like Vandy suck up revenue without contributing anything but easy wins for the big boys.

Whitey & Other Stories

I think this was the best election story of the season (other than Republicans taking over the House of Representatives). The Green Party candidate for governor of Illinois, Rich Whitney, showed up on the machine as "Rich Whitey". Most would now make a joke that he should be a Republican, but when eight out of the ten richest members of Congress are Democrats, it doesn't really fit. Now, they say it was just a mistake. Could be true. My last name is often misspelled as "Honkey", but I doubt it. Someone had a sense of humor. I did like the guy worrying about losing votes over it. Dude, you're the Green Party candidate. This was probably the first time anyone heard of you.

It was a fun election. I would have liked for Barbara Boxer to go down. But to be honest, I was not all that sad to see Democrat Jerry Brown win the governorship of California. That state is screwed. It's been reported that California is on the hook for about $500 billion in unfunded pensions. Which is a lot more than the entire state budget. Except the amount could be closer to $3 trillion. Add to that a deteriorating economic base, an increasing number of illegal immigrants and 30% of the welfare cases in the country, and you have a state voted most likely to declare bankruptcy. I'd much rather Jerry Brown (retread governor when a lot of that crap started) captain this sinking ship.

If I was a better blogger, I would have looked up whatever X Factor is. Well, I'm assuming this story isn't about the Iron Maiden album. Sounds like one of those cookie cutter talent by the talentless shows. And one of the contestants apparently had a rough go of things but seemed to be getting it together. Now it's been reported that she has a relative who is a "high class escort". Her 81 year old grandmother. My first thought was the term "high class" is thrown around waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. My second thought was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf.

Speaking of barf, this story from West Virginia (of course) is one of the most disturbing I've ever written about. Two guys at a motel (where one lives) were drinking in his room. His horribly ugly estranged wife wanders down from her room (where she lives) looking for oral sex. The husband (less dumb one) said no. His friend (the incredibly dumb one) said sure. Until the smell drove him away. The woman decides seduction is now the best course of action so she whips out a knife and threatens to cut some throats if someone doesn't get to licking. Fortunately the police arrived. Unfortunately they didn't shoot her to make sure this story never happens again.

I think I'll move to Latvia.

Stumbled across this very interesting story. Or stupid story. Can't remember which. Madonna did some "sexy" (yeah, right) ads for someone and is all pissed off because the un-retouched versions were leaked out. Showing Madonna is 52 years old and has horribly veiny arms. I'm pissed that I had to see the pictures myself.

Reason 3,109,548 that England is going to Hell in a handbasket. A guy goes on a week vacation. A bunch of squatters move into his house and change the locks. The police won't do anything because they say it's a civil matter not a criminal one. WTF??? Exactly when did breaking and entering stop being a criminal offense? Fine. Sounds like a good time to fumigate the place. Let's get the big tent over the house and poison some rats.

But why should I be surprised by that. Here's another article about the grand social experiment going on there. A 32 year old British woman has never been married, been knocked up by four different guys to the tune of five children and has been unemployed her entire life. She clears 32K pounds a year (about $45K). For being a whore. And how does she spend this money? Vacations abroad. Three laptops. Video games for all the kids. Flat screen TVs in every bedroom. Oh and a boob job. She's proud of her looks. Shouldn't be. I love how she thinks she deserves this. That's the messed up entitlement culture that we seem to be trying to import. Nothing but a worthless drain on society thinks the country owes her a living for being ........well a worthless drain on society. And no, I don't agree with her assessment that being a mother entitles her because her lazy bitch ass is probably producing five more welfare drains. If the welfare people had any sense, they'd go confiscate a lot of that crap. Hell, take some surgical blades and get the implants back.

Of course, another thing we're trying to take from the Europeans is socialized medicine. So, here's a heart warming story from Greece. They don't want to buy "special footwear" for people with diabetes. It's cheaper to just cut the leg off.

Here's a cute story. Kanye West thought having diamonds as his bottom teeth would be cool. But just having a diamond grill would not. So he had his teeth pulled and replaced with diamond implants. I was wrong when I thought Kanye West was a moron. He's simply not that smart.

"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right." This was a cheer that a bunch of six year olds in Michigan were doing. One girl's parents complain. So that girl was booted from the team. There seems to be some debate about whether the cheer was appropriate for six year olds. I'm a prude (as everyone knows) so obviously I think sexualizing six year olds may not be the best idea out there. But really, how stupid is an organization that thinks just because a set of parents questions the appropriateness of the cheer, it's a good idea to throw the girl off the team?

Was never a fan of Christina Aguilera's music. Just not my interest. But she was hot. Getting even hotter when I find out that she liked to cruise for chicks. And her husband knew about it. But he didn't get to join in so it may have led to divorce. Remember, ladies, that making your man spank it in the corner while you're doing another girl could be detrimental to your marriage.

Ass Crack & Other Stories

A man gets stopped by police. He gives them a bag of weed that he'd hidden in his ass crack. Note to the kids out there. Hiding it in your ass crack apparently doesn't keep it hidden. So if you are willing to accept the taste of ass on your pot in the hopes of not getting it confiscated (and you sent to jail), it may not work. But the best was yet to come. He also had a bag of crack cocaine up there. But he said it wasn't his. Fortunately he did not blame it on the crack fairy. He said someone left it in the car and he shoved it up his ass too. Which is about as believable as the crack fairy. Who would leave that much crack in someone else's car? But on the plus side, where he's going, a lot of strangers will try to put things up his ass.

But drugs don't just find their way up an ass crack. A woman ......somewhere.......stuffed some meth so far up her..........well, something......... that they didn't turn up in a body cavity search. She got caught because it broke open and caused her to OD. But until that point, she had a big smile on her face.

Great news here. Obama's wacky plan to try terrorists captured in military or black ops operations has hit a snag that no one could see. Well, unless you include people with any intelligence. A judge has just thrown out evidence because the person providing it was discovered through "enhanced interrogation". That's a brilliant idea. Giving constitutional protections to foreigners who are making war on us. I keep hearing how it needs to be done because this is the way America is. That's crap. Soldiers are not going to inform someone caught on the battlefield of their Miranda rights. Besides, does anyone really believe American troops and secret agents in World War II weren't willing to rough up/torture the hell out of captured Japanese and Germans to get instant intel? Of course they did. If you think you're about to be hit by the enemy,just grab someone who might know and find out what he knows. Face it. The point of having the military commissions was to keep military prisoners in jail as criminals instead of POWs because these are guys you do not want going back into public. That was the point of the Nuremberg Trials. It wasn't really to follow rule of law. The Nuremberg Trials were a joke when one of the Russian judge's legal background was presiding over Stalin's show trials. Plus part of the charges against the German high command was invading Poland. You know, just like our Soviet "Allies" did.

Watching the Vikings-Jets game. Boring. I am curious. If the Vikings lose and go to 1-3 (possibly putting the playoffs out of reach), will his injuries suddenly make Brett Favre go on injured reserve? After all, he only came back to make a Super Bowl run. Does anyone see him playing a meaningless game in Philly in December? Why do that when he can sit in his house in Mississippi and send pictures of his wang (you may not want to play the vid) to former Jets employees. It started as singular, but now it's plural. I used to take pictures of my junk and send it out all the time, but it was an old Trac phone and everyone kept asking why I was sending pics of a vienna sausage.

As Jason Whitlock points out, this could be more than just crass behavior by a spoiled, pampered athlete. He did this to a team employee which is sexual harassment which means it's a bit more problematic than what the Jets did recently. Based on recent precedent of suspensions without evidence of a crime, the NFL may be stuck having to suspend one of their most legendary players for being a jerk. Gee, who would have thought the Ben Roethlisberger suspension may set a bad precedent. Besides me, of course. Let's see. Favre's already fumbled twice tonight and they're still scoreless in the third quarter. If that doesn't change, the Vikings will stay as the second lowest scoring team in the league. The Vikings may start lobbying the NFL to suspend Favre for the rest of the year.

And yes, my opinion of Jenn Sterger's journalistic ability (I'm sure I used pics of her on the ole semi-porn fantasy football site) isn't any higher than what I thought of the Mexican sports reporter who got catcalls from the Jets players. But Sterger worked for the team and was getting more than catcalls from the franchise star. Makes it a bit different.

Now here's a better sexual harassment story. Assuming it's true (I have my doubts), some jailers in Belgium may be making hot female lawyers take off their bras by falsely claiming the wires in them were setting off the metal detectors. Would still be pretty crude behavior but at least they used more ingenuity than sending pictures of their johnson.

Ah, that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He proclaimed in a speech at the UN that the US was responsible for 9/11 (one of these days bin Laden is going to get pissed that his friends in the Middle East won't give him the credit he wants for that). So, of course the US staged a walkout. Very symbolic. Then the UN boss ripped him for his comments saying they didn't have a place there. Yawn. But let's face it. What did they expect to happen? He's tin-pot wannabe dictator only held in power by the religious leadership that really runs Iran. The US was stupid to even be in the room when he spoke. Why give that nutsack any credibility by showing up at all? But the UN showing any type of condemnation of Iran is laughable. Remember that idiot organization put Iran on their Women's Rights Commission. How is that working out? Oh, you have a country that just arrested two journalists for trying to visit the son of a woman on death row. Her crime? Adultery. Oh, and she was already whipped for messing around after her husband died. Good move putting that country on a women's rights group. I guess the Right To Die (over sex and whether you want to or not) is deeply ingrained in Iran.

A question that has puzzled researchers for years - why do squirrels masturbate? All very scientific answers, but we all know why. Because they can.

I'll freely admit that I've never really known crap about Katy Perry. And really could have lived my life without knowing too much. After all, the first real story I heard about her dealt with her giving a concert at her old high school. And seeing her old crush who she then tried to embarrass for not asking her out back in the day. Let's see. "Oh yeah, you really chose right honey. What’s up. What’s up now, player." Really? He would have been better off dating a girl in high school who is both narcissistic and incredibly insecure and would have most likely dumped him the moment she got famous? Her crush seems to agree with me. But then I found out that she was on Sesame Street and they cut a scene from the show because she's showing too much cleavage. That kind of made me want to take a second look (but nothing audible after hearing her music). After seeing said scene, my response is "meh". I like my cleavage to have more cleavage.

Sports Stories & Other Stories

While watching the Louisville game (and later probably UK), it seems like a good time to leisurely update the blog with some backlogged stories. Big game for Louisville. If they can go on the road to Oregon State and make a good showing, it will give me hope for a decent season.

Great. Louisville looked to score as Adam Froman ran into the end zone, but the ball was punched out at the one yard line and went through the back of the end zone thus giving the ball to Oregon State at the 20. God, I hate that rule with a passion. It makes no sense to give the ball to the defense if they force a fumble but don't recover it. They don't do it anywhere else on the field. But Louisville has been in scoring position twice and came away with nothing. Not nearly good enough to do that.

One of the most important news stories in America......no, the world is the sexual harassment faced by Mexican sports reporter Ines Sainz. Why is it so important? I can't think of one good reason at all. She shows up to a New York Jets practice to do an interview and gets catcalls. Why did she get catcalls? She has a tendency to dress provocatively. And not really behave as you expect a serious news reporter to behave. So, were the Jets players acting unprofessionally? I guess, but what do expect? Their "profession" is trying to physically destroy each other. These guys play a sport that they know will lead to long term injuries and possible brain damage, and yet, they still play. How gentlemanly do you think they are? But who is really the less professional? Personally I think it's the strumpet trying to milk this for even more attention. We're talking professionalism here. Being a professional means dressing appropriately for your job. I don't act surprised or shocked when women hyperventilate in excitement (almost looks like dry heaving) as I show up in the office in biker shorts. It's not what I should be wearing to the office so I can't complain about their reaction to it. So, I don't think much of the professionalism in sports journalists to begin with, but even under that low standard, I don't consider Sainz a serious journalist of anything. She may be smart. She may know her stuff, but she's clearly using sex appeal to get ahead. Which is fine. But if you're selling sex over ability, don't come crying to me when someone starts buying.

And when Mike Ditka says shut up, you shut up.

Great. After a good defensive stand, Louisville roughs the punter to give Oregon State a first down. Holds again for another punt. Then offense goes in reverse and Oregon State scores for a 7-0 lead.

Now this is awesome. Since continuing to blame George Bush for ......well, everything two years later is absurd to most non-liberals, Barack Obama is now trying to blame John Boehner for his troubles. Apparently Obama is unaware that the House of Representatives is a majority rules sort of organization. And Obama's party has a large majority. So, blaming the minority leader for your inability to do what you want is laughable to anyone with a clue. But what really makes it great is criticizing Boehner for golfing. Can they really be serious? It took Obama less than a year to play more golf than George W. Bush did in eight years. He's the guy who goes to the G8 meeting and his first question is about the golf courses. Can't make the funeral of the Polish president? Have a choice to find a proper place to offer condolences to the Polish people or go to the golf course? Guess what Barack Obama chose. Democrats criticizing anyone for golfing too much is like me criticizing someone for drinking and surfing porn.

Actually, it is great. Louisville is actually showing a pulse on offense. They tied the game at 14. Defense is having trouble with the Beaver running game. Beaver....heh heh. But only down 7 at the half.

I think the Jets' biggest problem isn't a big assed reporter from Mexico. It's the fact they aren't the Super Bowl caliber team that everyone thought. Well, I didn't. They got hot and made the AFC title game, but they only made the playoffs because Indy rested their last two games. Defense is good but I don't see much from the offense. Just a lot of mouth. Without backing it up. Someone (I don't remember who) noted that for all the brash talk, Rex Ryan had them kick a field goal instead of going for 4th and short inside Balmer's 10. But he's like his old man, Buddy Ryan, in that respect. Buddy would have his team fighting itself. He'd put bounties on opposing players (including kickers). He talked a lot of shit. Then went 0-3 in the playoffs and lost meekly in every one of them.

Second half starts with defense falling down. Just aren't big enough or fast enough to get this done. Offense struggling again which is bad news. Need to stay on the field more. Give the defense some rest.

Well, here is one story that didn't need to get out. Someone tried to sell a video of Brandon Spikes playing with his junk (and some hottie) to deadspin.com. The reason they didn't buy is because of most people's reaction to reading the story - "who is Brandon Spikes?". Well, I know because I watch a lot of college football and knew he'd been drafted. But doesn't mean anyone wants to see his junk. I might watch it to see the girl. Well, her boobs. And that is the other reason no one wants to watch this. Guys watch celebrity sex tapes. That's why all the famous sex tapes are of celebrity women. It's not called the Tommy Lee sex tape. It's the Pamela Anderson sex tape. The only time a famous guy's sex tape may get a lot of play is if rumor is he's got some kind of mutation or is poorly hung (and thus making guys viewing it feel better about themselves).

Well, Oregon State's run game got going. Big time. But Louisville is still only down 14 and just knocked the Beaver's (heh heh) starting quarterback out of the game. Making them punt from midfield. Holy crap. We just scored. Awesome. Hey, UK is only up 6-3 on Akron midway through the second quarter. What's going on there? Akron lost to Gardner-Webb last week. This shouldn't even be a game.

If someone in my neighborhood had an illegal cobra breeding operation and 160 got loose, I would kill everyone involved.

Louisville pulled within 7, but threw a pick with a minute left. Reinforced my beliefs from after the UK game. Louisville is finally being coached up. They're playing above their lack of talent and won't quit for anything. But there is a ceiling what they can accomplish with it. But I like where we're going.

Oh wow. People are worried that not allowing a mosque at the spot of an Islam influenced terrorist attack will make us look bad in the Muslim world. I say who cares. Know why? The Muslim world sure doesn't care about our opinion. In Indonesia, a Christian church was shut down. Was it on a Muslim holy spot? Nope. Just in a Muslim neighborhood and they (being the tolerant beings that we know Muslims to be) didn't want it around. So, what did they do when some Christians insisted on still worshiping there? Stabbed one of them. But hey, it's not like they burned anything. Oh, and guess what. Indonesia is a "moderate" Muslim country.

Okay, what exactly has Auburn done to get the benefit of every call at home? They were losing 17-3 to Clemson. A Clemson defensive back leaps at the two yard line to intercept an Auburn pass. He is barely able to get a second foot down before his momentum carries him into the endzone and out the side. They marked the ball at the 1 yard line for Clemson. Later, Clemson takes a kickoff in the endzone. The return man waffled on coming out but finally knelt right behind the goal line. About five seconds later (and after the whistle), he gets hit and knocked over by an Auburn player. Brent Musberger showed his true stupidity by saying they must not have called a late hit penalty because the ref was late getting over to stand in front of the return man. How retarded is he? It's college. You can never hit a guy kneeling on the ground.

This little nugget popped up over the summer. They're destroying 40 million doses of the swine flu vaccine. Because it didn't get used. Then they'll destroy some more. Yet, somehow we all survived. I guess nobody thought they were overreacting to something that wasn't showing to be particularly deadly. Well, I know one person who did.

In a moment of clarity or something, Fidel Castro admitted something that anyone with common sense already knew - the Cuban model does not work. Granted, Castro then tried to say what he meant was "exactly the opposite" and he was misunderstood. Which makes no sense because he admits the quote that the Cuban model doesn't work is accurate. So, therefore, the Cuban model doesn't work. Of course, if you're only paying your slaves....citizens $20 a month, it can't be working too well. Hmmm. Apparently, younger brother Raul misunderstood too as he just laid off 500,000 state workers. Oops.

It's amazing how poorly a state run dictatorship can do when it relied on money from a much larger (say the USSR) state run dictatorship that folded before it. Cuba has always been a fantasy world to rich lefties who would never think of moving to Cuba and living on $20 a month but it makes them feel good to like the concept. So what is left for them. Well, there is Hugo Chavez and Venezuela. They can survive because they have oil to support them. Well, they did. Now they have an economy that is declining worse than near bankrupt Greece. Oops. Let me get this straight. He keeps nationalizing industries and no one wants to invest their money there? I wonder if there is a connection. But then I read this lovely story about a bunch of Venezuelans who are even further left than Chavez. It mentions that they've been able to implement socialist policies. One of which is apparently "socialist stores sell milk and meat from recently nationalized producers at about 50 percent discount." If there is any statement that shows why only deluded people believe in socialism, that is it. Anyone can sell something for a steep discount if their supply chain is stealing it from someone else. Margaret Thatcher made the point that socialism doesn't work because "they always run out of other people's money." Well, at some point, those bozos will run out of things to steal.

Recap & Other Stuff

Got the end result wrong on the UL/UK game, but I still think my analysis was spot on. After a quick start by UK to go up 13-0 in the first quarter, UL outscored them 16-10 keeping the final score within a touchdown. Overall talent did go to UK. Depth really wasn't a factor as UL got better as the game went on. Well, there was one case. Louisville's starting receiver got hurt early and his backup dropped everything thrown his way. I think the fact that UL adjusted a lot better after the first quarter reinforces my belief that Charlie Strong is a better coach than Joker Phillips. Louisville had no pass rush to speak of. Their defensive players compensated for their lack of size by being slow. I don't know how UK only scored 3 second half points. I didn't think either quarterback was all that impressive. Mike Hartline looked efficient, but with no pass rush, that's easy. I still can't figure out why Louisville played Adam Froman. His selling point was athleticism overcoming a weak ass arm. Yet, he rarely scrambled. Hell, he wouldn't even step up in the pocket. Granted, it didn't help that his wide receivers caught only six passes while dropping five. I did think UL's offensive line played well. Froman did have a pocket. Bilal Powell was a better running back than Derrick Locke. Even if you exclude Powell's 80 touchdown run, he averaged almost 5 yards on his other carries. But the best player on the field was Randall Cobb. His 51 yard touchdown run sealed the deal. UK better keep him healthy because he reminds me of Antwaan Randle-El when he was at Indiana. He singlehandedly took a relatively poor team and made them mediocre.

But what does the future hold for each team? Well, the fact that they didn't give up tells me UL can win some games. The fact that they only have one wideout who can catch footballs and a short, slow defense makes me think six wins is their limit. I'm not sure UK is very good. Bilal Powell and Victor Anderson are the only Louisville playmakers on offense. Johnny Patrick is the only good defensive player. Yet, they basically beat UK for the last three quarters. UK can't get away with that against good teams. But they should get six wins as the minimum. With their other three non-conference games being Western Kentucky, Akron and Charleston Southern, the Louisville win means they should 4-0 outside the SEC. Ole Miss lost to a 1-AA school. Vandy is Vandy. That's six wins. Seven is certainly not out of the question. I don't see Auburn, Georgia, South Carolina or Tennessee being all that good. And UK beat Auburn and Georgia on the road last year. So even if UK chokes away a game to Ole Miss or Vandy, they should still pick up another win along the way. After watching LSU almost blow their game against a UNC team missing half their starters, this would be a good year to face the Les Miles potential screwup train.

Great news. A church in Florida has declared it will not burn Korans on 9/11 in response to the ground zero mosque controversy mentioned last week. A lot of people got bent out of shape about it. Going all the way up to the President. Of course, based on the mosque principle, if the church buys the Korans, it's their property and they can do what they want with it. Right? Sure. I heard all kinds of words thrown around to describe the church group - outrageous, insensitive, idiotic, etc. How about irrelevant? This is a small church no one ever heard of before, and suddenly everyone is concerned that a global uprising will happen because of some podunk, nobody church doing a publicity stunt? I wouldn't do it because General Petraeus asked not to and it's disrespectful. But FBI visits? Global alert by Interpol? Warnings of violence by Muslim leaders? Isn't Islam the religion of peace? The assumption that this will lead to violence is pretty much stating that the vast majority of Muslims in the world are irrational savages. Because civilized people don't act like this. When was the last time Christians rioted over the destruction of their holy objects in Saudi Arabia? Or Buddhists to protest the destruction of the giant Buddhas in Afghanistan? Respect, sensitivity and tolerance has a tendency to be a one way street for the Muslim leadership.

But I say go ahead and do the burning. I think it's disrespectful to attack a holy object for a different religion, and I don't think Saudi Arabia is who we want to emulate. But if you're worried about Muslim reaction, what's the difference? Muslims get outraged and offended? Big deal. That isn't a normal position for them. That's basically their default position. They're constantly offended. And the threat of violence? Once again, default position. Anything that could possibly be slightly insulting to Islam is met with threats of violence. There have been times Muslims have (with no sense of irony) advocated violence against critics for..........wait for it.......claiming Muslims are violent.

UPDATE: He may have changed his mind.

Not long ago, Time magazine declared the BP oil spill wasn't the environmental apocalypse that it was supposed to be. Glad I didn't think of that when it first happened. I might be feeling kind of smug.

Been awhile since a porn star story. Someone came up with a list of the 13 smartest porn stars. Thought it was interesting that two went to San Francisco State University. And two went to Rutgers. Makes you wonder what kind of majors those two schools are offering. But I did notice that #12 is a graduate of the University of Kentucky. And once had sex with 919 men. In one day. They should hang a banner at Rupp Arena.

How about another porn story? Laurence Fishburne was embarrassed recently (at least I hope he was) when it came out his daughter was trying to further her career by acting in a porno. Because everyone knows that's how you break into real acting. Of course, he's no stranger to acting shame. After all, Fishburne was Cowboy Curtis in Pee-wee's Playhouse. Oops. This was actually her second movie. And she might be a prostitute. I guess next step is for the video of her to surface with a beagle and jar of peanut butter.

French fighter jets were recently credited with 4800 confirmed kills. Too bad they were chickens. On the plus side, France received favorable surrender terms from the cows.

I think what I find so bizarre about the whole mosque/Koran burning is the reaction from the politically liberal people. They generally don't act very favorably towards religious groups. The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage? Try to take it over. The Mormons do too? Vandalize their temple. But strangely, no black churches even though they overwhelmingly voted against gay marriage. Oppose abortion? We'll try to use racketeering laws against your protest. Yet, as socially conservative as those religions are, they have nothing compared to what is mainstream Islam. Gay rights in Muslim countries aren't about marriage. It's about not being killed for being gay. The Mormon church is patriarchal and the Catholics won't allow women priest. In many Muslim countries, women aren't allowed to drive cars or go out in public without a male family member. Rape victims are routinely charged with adultery if they go to the police. Yet, they seem to be on the side of a religious leader who wants to build a mosque at ground zero and spread sharia law. I shouldn't be surprised. It's not something new. Jews tend to be some of the most socially liberal people in the world. The ones in Israel are clearly the most socially liberal people in the Middle East. Yet, liberals in this country seem to like Hamas better. As long as they don't kill too many homosexuals. Oh, and maintain their great tolerance for other religions.

I saw this story about Paul McCartney when it first came out. He does some PBS concert for Obama and makes a comment bashing Bush as not knowing what a library is. Showing his worldliness by letting it be known that he doesn't know Bush was married to a librarian. Yawn. Another lefty celeb bashing a Republican in front of other lefty celebs. Granted, the setting was rather tacky, but what can you expect. Then I saw where he claimed that he got great support for it because it was "rock 'n roll". Woo-hoo. I find this quite funny because I think the Beatles were about as edgy as lettuce. They were a teen idol boy band that had somewhat long hair (in a horrible chili bowl cut). Everything they did was following trends. After harder bands showed up, the Beatles got a little harder sound. Drugs became trendy so they became hippies. New age religion? That was for morons then and it's for morons now. The edgiest thing the Beatles ever did was the recording the song Taxman.

A man decides to end it all. By jumping from 40 stories. He actually lives because a woman's car breaks his fall. And she's pissed because her car was totaled. My first inclination was that's a rather callous thought. Then I thought about it. If you're going to commit suicide, you should have respect for others. Don't jump from a building where you might land on someone (or their car). Jump from a bridge. Then I found out she had a classic Dodge Charger and I would be just as pissed as she is. But what I love about the article is the picture of the couple. It looks like it was from some event so I assume the paper got it from them. Did she look through her pictures and decide the best choice was the one with her boob about to fall out?

Speaking of bad stock photos, there is this story of British social workers paying for a guy with "learning disabilities" to go to Amsterdam to run whores. A guy with dyslexia can get government funded hookers? And a trip to another country to buy one? And for what reason? Because sex is a "human right" and the guy was sexually frustrated. Welcome to my world. Sex may be a human right, but only if someone is willing to give it to you. Or you pay for it yourself. Otherwise, grab the Vaseline and do it with Rosy Palms. But really, my main problem is the stock photo of the prostitute. She's pudgy. They must have files of stock photos of Dutch hookers. They couldn't find a hot one?

One more sex story. A couple (of what I'm not sure) was going at it hot and heavy. Unfortunately for them, they were doing it outside a community center. With kids inside and a crowd gathered around to watch. That's kind of illegal. But it gets better. One of the onlookers happened to be the guy's girlfriend (meaning the female fornicator was not) who went over to see what all the commotion was about. But so far, the boyfriend isn't claiming he was forced to do it because his girlfriend was transgendered and couldn't have sex. So he has that going for him. But my favorite line was from the EMT who was at the local fire station across the street. He said they'd been watching through binoculars "because he could not believe what he was seeing." Yeah. I'm sure he wasn't watching because there was a free sex show going on.

The Big Game & Some Other Crap

I'm sure most people expect me to pick Louisville to win the game over Kentucky Saturday. So I will. I could easily make a case for either team. I know on paper UK seems like the better team especially with depth. It wouldn't be out of the question for them to get on a roll. But a couple of things about that. It's the first game so depth won't be as much of an issue yet. And I think UK's team this year won't be as good as last year's team. Which needed some special teams flubs to beat Louisville by 4 last year. And the biggest change is that loser Steve Kragthorpe is gone. I don't know how good a game coach Charlie Strong will be for Louisville, but he can't be worse that that waste of space. And I don't see Strong getting out-coached by Joker Phillips. Still can't believe he kept taking Randall Cobb out of games at crucial times. But while I think UK has more depth, I'm not convinced their starters are that much more talented. Receiver definitely is. Cobb will be the best player on the field. But he was the leading receiver with 447 yards. Not much of a passing game at UK. I don't think either quarterback is very good. Both defenses will suck. Both lost a lot from last year. UK is starting a walk-on junior at defensive tackle. Louisville hasn't really plugged some holes. It would seem that UK has the better running game with Derrick Locke, but Victor Anderson out-played him in last year's game. And with Bilal Powell, Louisville has two backs that have had some success in past years. Behind Locke is unproven guys who could be very talented. Or maybe not. And the one thing that gives me the most hope is Louisville's offensive line is considered their strength. Kentucky is replacing four starters. So I'll take Louisville.

Is Barak Obama a Muslim? A poll found a surprisingly large percentage think he is. Although I think it's skewed by Republicans who don't believe it but think it's funny to tell pollsters. So, is he a Muslim? In a literal sense, yes. Because Franklin Graham was right when he said that Muslims pass their lineage through the father so in Islamic eyes, he was born a Muslim. And unlike other religions, leaving isn't so easy. Apostasy is still a crime in many Islamic countries (Malaysia is considered a moderate Muslim country). So for foreign policy reasons, it'd be best that Obama doesn't travel to certain countries who may think he's an apostate. But we aren't in Malaysia or any Islamic country so a man's religion is what he thinks it is. If Obama says he's a Christian, then he must be. Although I don't really think he's one of those either. But for the same reason. Both believe in a power higher than Barak Obama.

I followed the Russian spy story a bit. Wasn't too big a deal. They didn't seem to hardcore. Thought we should have driven a harder bargain. Ten for four? Were the Minnesota Vikings involved? The other big deal about it was Anna Chapman was seen as incredibly hot. She's really not. Attractive sure, but if she didn't have the notoriety of spying, she'd just be another pretty face. But here is what kills me. She got mad because her ex-husband sold nekkid pics of her to tabloids. A betrayal? Seriously? She was a spy. Probably married him for his non-Russian last name so she wouldn't seem suspicious. Betrayal? Is she effing kidding me?

Now, I've heard the name Heidi Montag (as a news junkie, I can't miss it). But I've never actually seen The Hills and only have a vague notion what it's about. But since reading the story about a sex tape of her and Playmate Karissa Shannon possibly being released, I've become much more interested.

So why would one assume that Obama could be a Muslim. One reason might be his ridiculously silly outreach to Muslims. When your choice for NASA administrator says that the "foremost" responsibility for him was to reach out to Muslims. Granted, the administration says that's not the case, but I think it must have been stressed at some point to the guy or he wouldn't go around saying it. I'm not saying that Muslims wouldn't be able to make a contribution. I'm sure they have many math and science scholars. Of course, they also have a lot living in third world squalor and radical groups trying to drag them back into the Dark Ages. Not the most fertile recruiting ground.

Oh, the other reason that he came out in support of building a mosque (some say learning center) in a building damaged by the towers falling on 9/11. So, yes, contrary to some opinions, I consider the location part of ground zero. Now Obama feels that it's about freedom of religion. I'm sure in the abortion debates, he's all for the practice of religious beliefs. Now, for some reason I highly doubt that President Obama would be a big supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church building a church on the spot that Matthew Sheppard died. Now I think the group building the mosque has every right to build it. It's their property (although if any money comes from terrorism sources, take the whole property). I just think that for all their talk about building bridges and tolerance, they're a bunch of assholes. If you know the majority of the people in the country are against it, how is it building bridges to flip them the bird? Are all Muslims radicals who may engage in terrorism? Of course not, but they aren't a small minority of Muslims. The strength of the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Virtual theocracies in Saudi Arabia, Iran and other Muslim states. Turkey and Egypt are now heading that way. So, people can say that 9/11 was not an attack by Islam, but it was an attack in the name of Islam. And there was sizable number of Muslims in the world who celebrated the attack as a great victory for Islam. Building a mosque on the sight of that will be seen as an even bigger victory. Maybe if "mainstream" Islamic groups in this country were quick to condemn terrorist acts instead of looking for excuses (like a certain imam wanting to build a mosque at ground zero), I might be more willing to accept this. But they aren't so I'll say they have a right to build it. But they are a bunch of assholes to do it. I'm not Islamaphobic. You're just a dickhead.

Here is what soccer does to the world. It destroys lives. The North Korean soccer team was publicly shamed for it's poor showing in the World Cup. Oh, and their coach was fired and made to take a construction job. But on the plus side, they didn't send them to prison camps like they used to do in the past. Except that North Korea is one giant prison camp. And apparently not that good at soccer.

I mentioned Tiki Barber recently. This has-been cheated on his wife when she was pregnant with twins and left her. Well, he now says he didn't. He was just friends with the 23 year old intern and I guess was only taking her to events to help out her career. Assuming her career choice was home wrecker. Such a cute couple. I might have ignored it. Except Tiki ended the interview with his concern that his kids might be affected by his ex-wife's failings. Wait....what? Gee, I wonder why Tiki hasn't made it as a media personality. Oh right. He's a smarmy POS but not smart enough to hide it onscreen.

Woman goes to Epcot. Sees Donald Duck. Woman asks for an autograph. Donald gropes her. Not that I'm blaming the victim but my first thought is why a 27 year old woman would ask someone dressed as Donald Duck for an autograph? Did she think she could sell it on ebay? And everyone knows Donald Duck is the big perv there. He never wears pants.

Ick. Girls 12 and under are getting bikini waxes? What could their mothers possibly be thinking? Oh wait, one mother did explain why. Her second grader's hair was "bit two thick" on her legs. The poster on the blog had a good follow-up question - "A bit too thick for whom?". Obviously the woman would be mortified if the local creep down the street felt some stubble on her daughter.

Tila Tequila went to perform at an Insane Clown Posse festival. The fans threw rocks and "material" from the port-a-cans. Sounds like an awesome show. Kept her from singing anyway. Besides, I bet that wasn't the first time she's been smeared with crap. Or been highly disliked by a large group of people. Why would anyone be surprised by this? Just because they like no talent hacks like the Insane Clown Posse doesn't mean they'll like a no talent hack like Tila Tequila. They probably were mad because when they saw her on the playbill, they assumed she'd be giving bjs behind that port-a-can, not singing.

Dirty Stuff and Other Stories

Philadelphia schools are running into a little problem. Too much bumping and grinding at the school dances. So, they made their bastard students sign a contract to say they wouldn't dance like strippers giving a lap dance. I thought it was cute that the article mentioned some other places had tried it and led to students organizing their own dance. Which leads to a couple of thoughts. First thought is good. Make them pay for their own dances. Save some taxpayer money. Second thought? How did they pay for it? Get money from their parents? Says a lot about their parents if a girl can go ask daddy for some money to pay for a dance just so some pimply faced teenager can rub his junk up against daddy's little girl. Actually, I think what I like most about the article was them repeatedly saying students were dancing inappropriately but the evidence was "bodily fluid" being found on the floor after the dance. I won't say where all I've left bodily fluids but I'm pretty sure to leave them on a dance floor, something will not be in my pants when it gets left. So, I think inappropriate dancing is quite the understatement.

I think if I ever visit China, I want to visit a Walmart. Just to find out what picture #6 is.

This is cute. Iran sent a flotilla to take "aid" to Gaza (well, Hamas). Then changed their mind. Probably because of that "aid" flotilla from Turkey that got people killed because Israel may have concerns that the "aid" could include weaponry that could be used against it. Which of course, sent the world into a tizzy. Because everyone knows that the single source of the world's problems is a Middle Eastern country the size of New Jersey who had the poor taste to be the only secular democracy in the region long before anyone else. Just because their enemies want them utterly destroyed and the blockade is very legal is no reason for them not to just die and solve this problem. How can you support a country that is allowing people in Gaza to starve? Even though that isn't happening. But seriously, how can anyone take the side of a country that allows freedom against such a reputable organization like Hamas? I'm sure they had a very good reason for shutting down non-governmental orgs on an whim. And they were aligned with such a wonderful organization out of Turkey. One that included people who wanted to be martyrs before the trip started. Because we all know the good people of the Middle East like to brag about Auschwitz and 9/11. But the Israelis must have used disproportinate force. After all, there was more than a handful of them (using paintball guns) versus a lot of enemies who only had pipes and knives (although Reuters didn't think you needed to know about the knives). Just for future reference to my friends who may one day decide to hit me over the head an iron bar, I will shoot you if you try.

This whole episode is laughable. Ignorant "pundits" have tried to blame violence and terrorism in the name of Islam on the plight of the Palestinians. But no one is willing to point out that every other refugee situation from the World War II era has been resolved. Yet, all the very wealthy Arab (not to mention Islamic) countries have no problem with letting the Palestinians live in squalor for 60 years. It's not like Saudi Arabia and Egypt (who has its own blockade on land routes to Gaza) or others have gone out of the way to give citizenship to Palestinians (who are not any different from other Arab speaking Muslims of the region). And no one seems able to explain why concern for Palestinians would cause Indonesians to bomb a resort or Filipino Muslims to behead Christians. Those areas aren't even remotely close to the Middle East. But let's just assume Israel is the new evil empire and relished killing those nine Turks. So what? Why is this such a major issue? About 40 South Korean sailors died when the North Koreans shot their boat with a torpedo. Wasn't nearly as much outrage. Guess the governments of the world hate Koreans.

I only watched the first couple of seasons of The Wonder Years. I should have stayed for the later epidsodes.

WTF?? I mean really, WTF???? I understand making some changes to super hero costumes to update them. But Wonder Woman? Changing her costume to show less skin????? Back in the '70s, I watched the Wonder Woman TV show. Wasn't sure why I liked it so much. Probably had something to do with waiting for Lynda Carter's boobs to fly out of the Wonder Woman top. She was friggin hot.

One good thing came out of the whole Israeli situation. It gave Helen Thomas the chance to show her ass and get fired for it. I'll be honest. That insufferable little troll was quite annoying. Her reputation was based on affirmative action (a female in a position composed of mostly males) and the fact that she wouldn't die. Just because someone has been covering the White House for a billion years doesn't mean she really knows what is going on. Actually, I'd argue the opposite. She's been in an insular community (White House press corps) so long that she doesn't know shit about anything going on. Actually, it's quite obvious she doesn't have a clue. But this whole incident was par for the course for her. People should realize just because someone is old doesn't make them smart. But I do like that after consideration, Wayne State has decided that they'll keep her name on their diversity in media award. Just hope one of those dirty Jews that she hates so much doesn't win it.

A third of the internet is made up of porn. Not that I surf porn, but I would have thought it was higher.

Some woman in England is facing jail time for a noise problem. Mainly she can't keep from being too loud while getting it on. To be honest, I was hoping for a recording. After seeing the pictures of the offending couple, I didn't want videos. God knows I didn't want that. But I was curious how loud were they being. And was she talking dirty? This is what discriminating news readers want to know.

Here's a classy couple. Busted for child endangerment. Daddy thought it would be a good idea to give his not-yet-two year old some hits on his bong. Strangely enough, the police disagreed. Mabye it was the size of the bong. Or maybe this was some really stupid bastards who shouldn't be breeding.

Classic example of why Republicans don't really trust the so called mainstream media. Second banana and first class moron Joe Biden gets some custard. Amazingly, he tries to pay for it rather than consider it a paid tax. The manager of the this custard shop asks him to lower taxes. According to the aired report, Biden just ignores him. Then you see the rest of the story. Biden decides to get angry and call the guy a smartass. Because this is the most horrible thing a vice president has ever been told. Well, if he's a Democrat. Sorry, Joe. As VP, you should have a bit thicker skin than that. Believe it or not, you might run into people who disagree with you. But this is an aberration. Surely no other Democrat would be so condescending to a constiuent with real concerns. Would they?

Okay, it wasn't me. Still, pretty funny story. Some guy rolled his car. He got stuck. While waiting for authorities to come get him out, he decided to crack open another beer. To be honest, I can't really blame him. If you're busted, you're busted. Why let that last beer go to waste?

Now, this guy. Yeah, I can blame him. The cops catch you drinking underage. You should probably try to keep your pants on. But it is good to know that crime in the Chicago area has dropped so much that they can call in backup to chase an 18 year old drinking a beer.

And one more story on naked chicks. And she's moderately attractive unlike the loud mouth sex addict in a previous story. She pulls up to a man's car. Gets out. Naked. But unlike most fantasies and porn movies, she doesn't have dirty, nasty sex. She just steals his car. The police catch her. Or try. She's sweaty so they can't get a grip (obviously not grabbing the right places). So she steals a police car. Until she wrecks it. And tries to run. So, they eventually taser her. Which stops her. Naked and sweaty. Stealing police cars. Jumping fences. Sounds like a fun date.

World Cup Nonsense & Other News

Every now and then I try to give soccer another try. And every time, I remember why I don't care for it. Actually, I liked playing it fine when I was doing intramural indoor soccer, but I just don't watch it. According to The Nation, as a right winger I don't like soccer because I'm white and soccer is played by minorities and America isn't that good at it. We could be great at it if we cared about it. Look at all the pure athletes in football and basketball. Don't tell me a lot of them couldn't be great soccer players if they had played it for 20 years. Besides, I like curling and we're as good at that as we are soccer. But obviously my love for football and basketball is because we've managed to keep blacks out of those sports. But why don't I care for hockey which is the whitest sport outside of curling? Oh right, same problem as soccer. Low scoring and too much credit for a tie.

Actually, hockey is nowhere as bad as soccer. For one, soccer players flopping is incredibly embarrassing. Sure, you have flopping in basketball where they try to draw the foul, but in soccer, it's routine to see a player barely get touched, grab his head (even though he was touched on the arm) and roll on the ground like he's dying. A hockey player would get his ass beat if he tried that. Plus, while hockey may make you play a set period of time with one fewer man, it's not the rest of the game. But in soccer, if the prissy little referee walks up to you and puts a red card in your face, not only are you out of the game, but you aren't replaced at all. And those are judgment calls (although since no one seems to know the offside rule in soccer, most of the calls are judgment calls) so you could play with one fewer player for 89 minutes of the game for a bad call. And speaking of bad calls, we have the added delight of the US having a potential game winning goal disallowed because of a penalty, but nobody knows what the call is. I've never heard of a serious sport where the referee can call a foul but isn't required to say who and what was called. But surely FIFA wouldn't use referees who are know to be incompetent and possibly corrupt, would they? Would they? And at least hockey can keep track of the time. It's bad enough that soccer counts up instead of down (like every other sport), but they have this injury time BS. Because they don't stop the clock for injuries, they just add the time lost to the end of the match. But they only tell you the approximate amount of time left. WTF??? You're watching a game and have no idea how much time is left? That's spectator friendly.

But let's look at the real reason I don't like soccer. Friggin' ties (and not the ones given as Father Day presents). The World Cup has different groupings. Let's look at the one with the US, England, Slovenia and Algeria. Four of the six games between those four have been played. There is a grand total of one win among them. One. Which means three ties. Even hockey tries to get a win first before declaring a tie. This is a major tournament and you declare the game over after 90 minutes (plus some inexact amount of time that no one knows when it will end) even though it's tied? Know what this means? If England chokes up a loss to Slovenia and the US ties Algeria, the US advances. That would mean the US would move into the next round without a single win in three tries. Is this really how the premiere event of your sport should be decided? Eddie Erdelatz once said "a tie is like kissing your sister". That makes the World Cup tournament the biggest case of incest outside of Johnson County, Tennessee.

Then we have the fun of the French team in a near meltdown cause by the fact that they are a bunch of assholes. Fighting between coaches and players. Refusing to practice. Fun stuff. Here's one writer who thinks we should root for the French to lose over all this. Hell, I was rooting for that before the Cup started. Just because they're French.

Now when I heard that Al Gore was getting a divorce, I didn't really care. If his purchase of another energy sucking mansion didn't make people see what a hypocritical charlatan he is, nothing will. Sure, I found it amusing that someone at the Washington Post is blaming Bush for this happening. Just reinforces my belief that they have a macro in their word processors that inserts "blame Bush" into most of their stories. But for the most part, I didn't care. Then I saw this funny story that the reason for the breakup was Big Al putting Little Al into Laurie David who was once married to Larry David. Oh, and produced Al's movie. Oh, and is as big a enviro-hypocrite as Al. Granted that story is in Star Magazine. So, it's probably not true. Of course, after the John Edwards love child story was scooped by National Enquirer, you never know. Could be worse for Gore. The Globe says the divorce is because of a gay affair. Funnier, but not sure I believe that either. Gay men usually have better taste.

Speaking of adultery, this story is a awesome. A woman was cheating on her husband with some dude. In the park. On a bench. Near the playground full of kids. Probably wouldn't have got much play outside of that town if the cops hadn't charged her with adultery. Which led to the video of her explaining what happened with her loyal husband by her side. Really loyal since her first excuse to the cops was that she had to do it because she didn't have sex with her husband because he's transgendered and thus she was really horny. But the video is great. First she says everyone was dressed so nothing could be showing. Then she admits that maybe his junk was hanging out of his zipper but still out of sight. I'm pretty sure by trial, she will saying that yes, his johnson was out but the kids would not have been able to see it because it was up inside her.


In honor of Father's Day, I want to point out a heart warming story of a man bonding with his daughter over drinks. Too bad she was 9 years old, and he said he'd kill her if she didn't chug-a-lug with him. But otherwise, it just gives me a warm fuzzy.

Now, the only real fault I put on the Obama administration over the oil spill was some of the buffoonish things they did. I don't think Obama is doing anything particular about the problem because what the Hell does he know about oil wells and maritime works. And the bureaucracy won't work because it doesn't work. But I thought I'd seen everything, and then we got the "Ass to Kick" interview and then the limp dick speech about stopping the oil spill that was so inane that MSNBC didn't like it. Is anyone taking Obama seriously after that? At first I thought his anger was over missing his tee time, but apparently that's not the case. So, what has Obama done? Well, he got BP to put together an escrow account of $20 billion to pay off people. Which is good because after all the demonization of BP (a lot by Obama), BP may end up in bankruptcy. What could go wrong there? Sure, the British may suddenly hate him, but he's made us so popular and respected in other countries like..............let me get back on that. Oh, right, the other problem. If BP goes into bankruptcy, the taxpayers will end up on the hook for the cleanup outside of the escrow fund. Do I think Obama is an idiot for possibly driving BP out of business? Well, the guy is apparently still unaware that BP hasn't been called British Petroleum in years. I just can't believe we've reached the point that the President thinks it's okay to demand a private company give him $20 billion to divvy up as his flunky sees fit. Sure, it's easy to ignore because BP is a pariah, but what happens when he decides to do it to some company that isn't universally hated in this country?

Up in Minnesota, a bar near the Twins stadium started having "Twin Titties Series" to draw in female customers during Twins games. Show up with your boobs hanging out and you'll be entered in a contest. I see nothing wrong with this. Well, except you're expected to watch baseball.

Here is a good one. Angelina Jolie is being considered to play Cleopatra in some upcoming movie. This has Essence magazine (and I'm certain the community they represent) outraged because they believe Cleopatra should be played by a black woman. Which may make sense if you have no concept of history and geography. Now, she was African because that's where Egypt is, but there's a big difference between northern Africa and sub-Saharan Africa as far as racial traits. Egyptians aren't black. Oh, and it wouldn't matter anyway. Cleopatra was one of the last rulers of Egypt from the Ptolemy dynasty. Meaning she was really Greek. But at least Essence did know that Egypt was on the African continent. The LA chapter of the NAACP apparently is unaware that space isn't full of black whores. Hallmark had a space themed graduation card that mentioned black holes. Hallmark took it off the shelves because the NAACP complained about it's use of the term "black whores" which would be demeaning. I'm not black, but if I was, I would feel more demeaned that a group claiming to represent me was so stupid that they thought Hallmark was talking about black whores in space.

Well, the French may have done something right. They pulled a 16 year old girl out of the ocean after her boat broke. So brave. So heart warming. So stupid. She's not old enough to vote, but she and her dad think it's all just fine to send her on a solo trip around the world. I think it's moronic. And now we find out that it may have been motivated by a reality show. Which would explain why they'd have her sailing a long ass stretch of empty ocean during winter storms. Or they're stupid. I'm thinking a bit of both. Well, a lot of the second. I'm glad they get to live out an adventurous life. Of course, there are consequences. It cost a Hell of a lot of money (other people's money of course) to rescue her on her little ego cruise. Oh, and the captain of the fishing vessel that rescued her fell overboard and almost drown. I wonder how confident she'd be on her next little vanity trip if she'd killed someone. Self centered asses like that probably don't care. Maybe they shouldn't have picked her. Did she have paddles?

Earth's lowest form of life, Perez Hilton, might be in trouble for child porn since he posted an upskirt shot of Miley Cyrus with no underwear. Not sure a flamer like him can get in trouble for it since he can argue he doesn't find it tittilating. And as someone else (can't remember who) pointed out, why is he getting all the grief? What about the photographer? He took and distributed it. But it's good to know that in spite of the fact that she's running around in a short skirt with no underwear, Cyrus insists she's not a slut. That's good to know because every one knows teen singers with limited talent always go on to make it big as an adult without resorting to flaunting their body. But she says she's not a slut. Why wouldn't anyone believe her? Sluts don't pole dance at 16. Or think a fake lesbian kiss at 17 is exactly what her wholesome stage show needs. Guess if the new record doesn't sell, on stage masturbation is next.