Random News & Notes

Well, let's start with our old buddy Michael Vick. One of his co-defendants in the dog fighting case has entered a guilty plea and will likely roll over on Vick. The coffin is nailed about halfway shut on this case. I think the funniest part is that it's considered big news that Vick was the one who bankrolled the operation. Wow. What investigative journalism. This is why I laugh at Vick's defenders who seemed to think it wouldn't be surprising that Vick knew nothing. Come on. The co-defendants are old buddies from his childhood where he grew up pretty poor. This operation had a large piece of property, big new house, lots of kennels and a bunch of dogs that can run over a grand a piece. Who would more likely have been able to fund such an expensive endeavor? Some local thug or someone who just signed an NFL contract?

I bashed John Edwards last week, so I'll bash one of his opponents this week. No, not a Republican. Barak Obama shored up his left wing base by railing against gun violence (and focused more on the guns than on the people engaging in violence because no violent act has ever been done without the aid of a gun). He also stated "There's a reason they go out and shoot each other, because they don't love themselves. And the reason they don't love themselves is because we are not loving them enough." Ah, governing through inane pop psychology.

Hey, I will bash a Republican as my old nemesis Ted Stevens got his house raided in a corruption probe into whether a contractor paid for the renovation of the house. Frankly I was shocked. Based on his past history of trying to use the Federal government to pay for anything and everything in Alaska, I half expected to see a budget earmark entered to pay for this. I hope they throw his worthless, money grubbing ass out.

An 11 year old was busted in Alabama for driving to pick up her sister. While drunk. Crying damned shame how kids today just can't hold their liquor. Or remember to bring enough money for a cab.

Of course, handcuffing kids throughout the house is probably not the answer. Maybe.

Interesting story about a cat in a Rhode Island nursing home. Apparently, the people there believe the cat can predict the oncoming death of a patient by hanging around that person right before they kick off. I think they are overlooking the real story here. That cat isn't predicting death. That cat is killing people by sucking the life out of them. Where is the outrage? This cat is a serial killer and they still let it hang around elderly people. And why hasn't a family member done anything about this? If I was visiting a relative there and this killer cat showed up, I would strangle it.

I've always said I didn't want a yard because I would have to mow it, but I've since discovered an excuse to have a yard and not mow it myself.

In international news, Iran has condemned two journalists to death for apparently being journalists or Kurds or some trumped up reason. The story says such happenings are rare in Iran. That's probably true to an extent. After all, they usually administer extra-judicial means to take care of such pesky journalists.

Funny story here. ABC News had a bunch of its employees searching nudie websites looking for pictures of an intern who allegedly posed for Playboy. The funny part is they were spending a lot of time looking for her. Either their investigative journalism just isn't cutting it or a lot of "research" was needed. Surprisingly, it might really be the first option because the source still didn't know who the girl was.

Or maybe they were just trying to figure out who grabbed Tim McGraw's junk.

Let me get this little invention straight. It's an umbrella that lights up if the news says it's going to rain in the next 12 hours? Those are really precise. It would do me a lot of good when I leave it in the car.

Even though I'm not Russian, count me in.

After seeing her picture, count me out. And someone explain to me why they felt the need to take the press photo (apparently) nude.

I didn't realize caddying was such a cut throat business, but one in the Canadian Open apparently just couldn't hack it, so he got replaced by a 69 year old guy from the gallery.

He should think God that he wasn't dealing cars in Atlanta where a guy shot two employees for asking for a raise. I'm glad he didn't overreact and fire them. Think of the paperwork.

The Nature of Celebrity

I got my copy of ESPN the Magazine, and what do I get on the cover? David Beckham. Supposedly, a past-his-prime, effeminate, pretty boy soccer player is supposed to make me care about the sport. I don't have anything against soccer. I just don't find it that interesting. I don't care if it is the most popular sport in the world. Islam is pretty popular around the world, but you don't see me heading to the mosque. I thought it was very appropriate that the first game Beckham played in (for about 5 minutes) ended with a 1-0 score. That's why I couldn't watch soccer on a regular basis. Supposedly ratings are up for soccer, but I attribute that to 14 million Mexicans in this country illegally. INS can’t find them, but Direct TV can.

Now, I understand why ESPN would shamelessly pimp his arrival because they have the contract to show Major League Soccer games. And no one pimps their product more than ESPN. Yet, it's not just the sports press. It's the entertainment media. Why? He's married to Posh Spice who even got a NBC television special apparently about her move to the states. What the Hell? Celebrity status because you're a Spice Girl? A Spice Girl? How did that happen? When was the last time anyone cared about the Spice Girls? Did I sleep through the past ten years? I saw where the black girl, Token Spice, was knocked up by Eddie Murphy. Considering his previous embarrassment with a transvestite hooker, I would think Murphy would be trumpeting this baby as his own. But I digress. I didn't know this woman was even in the country. Talk about need for immigration reform. Our forefathers did not drive the British out just so they could turn around and ship their pseudo celebrities to us over two centuries later to hang out with a wackjob Scientologist and his Stepford wife.

It's bad enough with the do nothing celebrities that we have from this country. I can't read through any news site or show without these worthless tramps popping up. We just had Paris-in-prison, and the soon to be sequel with Nicole Richie (who might have been smart enough to get pregnant to gain leniency). They are certainly less than productive members of society. If they were in a group stranded on a deserted island, they would the first ones eaten when people resorted to cannibalism. Unless the others realized the meat would be stringy and probably disease ridden. We’re talking about two girls whose only claims to fame are rich parents, one sex tape and one stupid reality show that keeps coming back like herpes. Their retarded fan base does America proud.

Then there are the two bimbos who have theoretically accomplished something – Britney Spears and Lindsey Lohan. Spears is a complete nutbag in just about everything she does. You know she’s nuts when she thought going outside dressed like this was a good idea. Oh, and she might be pregnant and not know who the father is. It’s pretty bad when a report is out that Kevin Federline is trying to get sole custody of their children, and it seems like the best thing to do. Lohan is on the Britney fast track as she just got her second DUI while fresh out of rehab for her first. Oh, and she had cocaine in her pocket, but it wasn’t hers because everyone knows those damn bags of cocaine have a bad habit of sneaking into your pants. How smart is it to stalk an ex-employee’s mother while blitzed? Not as smart as leaving the happy dust in your pocket when the cops show up. Did she not think they would search her? At least toss it in the floorboard and you have some deniability. Take it into the police station, and whether or not you bought it, it’s now legally yours.

Is this a problem? I don't go with the sky is falling belief that a celebrity scandal headline is indicative of the fall of modern civilization. For one, I don't believe for a second that the people who think the Paris Hilton stories are can't miss viewing would stick around for some real hard news. Second, scandals monopolizing news is not a recent phenomenon. Newspapers became big business due to the Helen Jewett murder case, and that was way back in 1836. Third, cable news channels have twenty-four hours a day to fill. Lastly, "hard news" is often not new. I've seen cries about how can the news cover celebrities when there is a war on, but the reality is that there isn't much "news" coming from the war. Is there any issue from the war debate that has not been touched on? As far as something "new", most of it's micro level stuff (affecting the individuals involved), not macro (affecting the picture as a whole). I could write the daily headlines. "Muslim from Saudi Arabia uses explosives supplied by Iran to blow up children in Iraqi marketplace. U.S. blamed. U.N. issues denunciation of Israel." Actually, that's not true. The press wouldn't mention that he was a Muslim.

The bigger question is why do so many people care. Everyday people commit more interesting crimes and have more entertaining breakdowns. You can see this type of trailer trash behavior on Cops all the time, but because they are “celebrities”, we’re supposed to care. Why are these people celebrities? Sure, these girls are attractive, but once you get past teenage taboo that caused thirty something men who drive trucks for a living to obsess about them, there’s not much there. There will be less pretty soon as Spears’ looks are already fading, and Lohan won’t be far behind if she keeps shoving drano up her nose. Besides, there’s plenty of good looking women (who would look even better with professional hair and makeup people) with no exceptional talent. Will these two have anything to fall back on? Spears is a “singer” and Lohan is an “actress”, but it’s not like they are anything special in their fields. I doubt any of the bubblegum crap that Spears puts out will stand the test of time, although I figure twenty years from now, she’ll be pathetically singing the same garbage to empty audiences in nostalgia bars. As for Lohan, she was in Herbie Fully Loaded where she played second fiddle to an old Volkswagon Beetle, the car designed by Hitler. On the path she’s going, she’ll be in Cinemax soft-core porno movies in a few years.

I actually had to think how I should feel about these societal leeches getting in trouble. On one hand, they're obnoxious twits who have had all kinds of advantages and piss them away. Normally, in these situations, you like to see them get a certain amount of comeuppance. The krauts didn't come up with the word schadenfreude for nothing. Yet, on the other hand, I would like to be fabulously wealthy without having to do anything for it. At least I think I would. I know it wouldn't be good for people who pissed me off in the past. And they know who they are. However, this brings up greed which is one of the Seven Deadly Sins. I'm already well situated in lust, gluttony and sloth, so I probably should avoid adding anymore. What the Hell. I think we should build a wall around LA and let them wallow in their own filth.

Poverty and Crime

It's always nice to see the rich and powerful "discover" rural poverty once again. This time it's John Edwards. Sure, John Edwards grew up poor. By poor, I mean middle class. Of course, he knew he didn't like that middle cla.......er, poverty riddled upbringing, so he decided to help the little man by taking 30 percent of his/her settlement. But hey, he cares. After losing the 2004 election, Edwards decided to go to work at a hedge fun in order to understand poverty better. Of course, since a hedge fund is basically a mutual fund for the very rich, working at a hedge fund to understand poverty is like shopping at Louis Vuitton to understand the buying habits of the poor. At least it pays well for part time work. Normally, it's tough for me to take someone seriously when they become poverty crusaders after moving into a 28,000 square foot home, but I think that mansion does show he can do things for people who are less well off. For example, his new home drove the property taxes up enough that some people have to move out.

I'm sure Edwards really cares about poor people, but I still think the politicians swooping in for a photo op in Appalachia is simply that - a photo op. Robert Kennedy breezed through 39 years ago, and what happened? Nothing. Eastern Kentucky is still considered the backwards ass part of the state, and that isn't likely to change. It's an area that will always have poor job prospects because of population and terrain. Building highways into the mountains is tough, and it doesn't make sense to do it in an area with low population. So, these areas are already at a disadvantage because of that, and add to it an uneducated population. Statistics don't lie in this case. Eastern Kentucky has the highest high school dropout rates in the state. And sometimes by quite a bit. The Herald-Leader called the dropout rate an indicator of poverty, but in reality it's a cause. I have never seen a poverty study that does not include include high school graduation rates. If you own a business, does it make sense to go to an remote area with a bunch of dropouts as your employment pool? Appalachia is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Dropout of high school because there are no jobs, but there are no jobs because of an uneducated population.

Doesn't that mean the federal government needs to be more involved? Not really. To begin with, I have a philosophical argument. If there aren't jobs there, why not move? Plenty of people move for job reasons. If I couldn't find work in Lexington, but knew I had a better chance in Cincinnati, I would make the move. The counter argument is "this is home, I don't want to move, Momma's here, so is my steady tail also known as sis". That's fine, but why should the taxpayers who are willing to uproot themselves for a better life have to subsidize someone who wants to stay home? Plus, there is the realistic argument - government spending isn't going to get rid of poverty. The Appalachian Regional Commission was set up to combat poverty in this area, but 42 years and $16.4 billion in inflation adjusted dollars later, we're pretty much where we started. Building an industrial park isn't going to bring in industry if other factors (proximity and dumb workers) aren't taken care of.

Let's look at West Virginia. Robert Byrd has been the Senate Majority or Minority Leader or ranking Democrat of the Appropriations Committee going back to 1977. As pointed out before, he has sent a buttload of money (ours, not his) to West Virginia. In college, I read a book called The Cardinals of Capitol Hill by Richard Munson (okay, if it was my junior year, I skimmed it while drinking hard liquor). The most interesting thing was that due to Byrd's power, there was Senate Appropriations committee staffer whose sole role was to make sure every appropriation bill had earmarks for West Virginia. Yet, for all that money pouring into West Virginia, does anyone consider it a thriving economic center?

There are certain stories that about make me blow a blood vessel in my brain (and plenty of drinks that do the same thing). This week's is a case in Maryland where a child rapist's case was dismissed because they didn't have an interpretor for his obscure African bush language. The guy spoke good enough English that he could attend community college, but it wasn't good enough to explain to him that he was being tried for having sex with a seven year old is illegal? How stupid is that? Well, if he doesn't want to take the time to learn in English that raping children isn't kosher in this country, I say deport him. About halfway across the Atlantic would be good. Send the judge with him.

Hopefully, no one will think it would be better to just "study" him like death row inmate Mark Dean Schwab. I did like the prosecutor's comment that studying him would be just fine as long as it was postmortem.

The last time I mentioned the DC Madam, I said she was full of crap for believing that it would take a long time to go through her posted phone records. Well, cnn.com already has an article detailing their investigation into them. Writer of the article wasn’t too bright when she seemed to wonder why there were a lot of doctors, lawyers and people in the tech industry using the “service”. Well, duh, this was a high priced call girl ring. Was she expecting to find garbagemen?

The girls who were working for her shouldn't be considered professional, because they don't have degrees in prostitution like people in New Zealand could eventually get. Yep, higher education definitely needs more funding.

Now, here's a real scumbag. This Fort Bragg soldier was knowingly giving AIDS to a teenage boy. His wife and kids must be so proud. I'm trying to figure out how he ended up in the Army instead of the Navy. I like how the teen's mother says the army should have more control over personnel with AIDS. Like what? Quarantine? Try and get that past a certain lobby. Here's a better thought. Tell your son just because someone wants to bugger him doesn't mean he's your friend.

When I read the headline of this article, "Mayor Wants Grandmas To Help Fight Gangs", I thought it was a bad Saturday Night Live skit about crime fighting grannies. But, alas, they just want crime prevention ideas from grandmothers. Here's one. Tell your kids not to drive their kids to a murder. Just one little theory on how to slow down gang violence.

Reason # 1,049,073 why I don't wish to emulate Europe. In England, you need a license to watch TV. Not a tax on cable TV. You need a license to own and watch over the air stations. Not only that, but they have vans that cruise around neighborhoods trying to electronically catch people watching TV without a license. Seems rather Orwellian.

More Mike Vick and some other stuff

I'm kind of surprised that this Michael Vick story has become as big as it has. I figured it would be big in this country especially among sports fans. And I wasn't surprised to see links to Canadian newspapers about the case, but there were a surprising number to Australia and Europe. I don't think the Rae Carruth story got this big. Granted, he wasn't a star like Vick, but he was accused of having his girlfriend murdered which seems to be a bit worse than fighting dogs (although I'm willing to bet some of the PETA crowd would disagree). Of course, it didn't hurt that a United States Senator, Robert Byrd, ripped Vick on the floor of Congress. You know it's bad when a former Grand Kleagle of the Ku Klux Klan is critical of your morals and ethics. Of course, the Pride of West Virginia (along with that house in Clarksburg with the flush toilet) was probably angry because they didn't have a burning cross while hanging the dogs. Plus, Vick was hanging white dogs with black ones. I'm sure Vick can get Byrd on his side as soon as he renames the kennels the Robert C. Byrd Memorial Dog Training Center. Now another Senator is jumping on the bandwagon and promising to make illegal dog fighting illegal. Since it's John Kerry, I fully expect to support the legalization of dog fighting in order to support a ban on it.

Nike is feeling the pressure over Michael Vick as they announced they would not release the new Vick Zoom shoe. The Humane Society says they aren’t going far enough, and wants everything pulled. I've already said Vick needs to be shut down for the season, and I don't like Nikes. However, I can understand where they are coming from. They have a lot of money invested in Vick, so they obviously don't want to make a rushed decision just based on an indictment. It's real easy to tell someone to possibly piss their money away without thinking on it first to satisfy your principle. His boss is playing the wait-and-see game, but I think it's because the Falcons have to decide which is the bigger crime: dog fighting or letting Joey Harrington start for them.

Common sense says that dumping Vick will be celebrated everywhere, but you have to remember we're talking about Nike. They've never shied away from thug marketing. Besides, the expected backlash to the Vick backlash is beginning. Let's see. Rich Hoffman goes with the "innocent until proven guilty" when he says Vick should have the right to work until convicted. Mike Sando and Stephen A. Smith both caution against a rush to judgement (and both cite the Duke lacrosse case) with Smith even indicating that even if Vick is found guilty, it's somehow the fans' fault. Well, I've always maintained that Smith is stupid beyond belief, so I'll ignore him. Comparing this to the Duke case is garbage because that was a rogue prosecution based on a single source with creditability problems that continued in spite of all the evidence (physical and otherwise) going against her. They were digging up dead dogs on Vick's property. But let's look at the other arguments because they run together in the sense that Vick is being denied due process.

Sportswriters should stay out of legal pronouncements because they tend not to be very bright. Sando seems to think that the 90% plus conviction rate of federal indictments is inflated by defendants not fighting in court because they feel overmatched. So, innocent guys plead guilty because fighting the case is too much of a hassle? Genius. The NFL is not bound by legal rules like that. Plenty of people have been fired from jobs because they got indicted, and the NFL is a league dependant upon fans which means it has to try to protect it's image. While it's Vicks first criminal indictment, it's not his first run-in with trouble. Even if acquitted, I don't see how anyone can think that he didn't at least know that his property was being used for dog fighting. Smith mentioned OJ Simpson in his article. Simpson was acquitted of murder, but in real life, he is treated like a criminal (because rational people know he is).

Then, Mike Freeman played the race card. Whites will think Vick is guilty because white people are bigots, while black people will think he's innocent because he's black and poor black people are constantly being convicted of crimes they didn't commit. What that has to do with rich blacks who commit crimes, I don't know. Apparently all the whites who helped make Vick one of the highest paid football players now want him in jail because of cornrows, not because the feds dug up a bunch of dog cadavers in his backyard. Oh, in a twist of irony, a man who normally believes every indicted black man is part of a white conspiracy, Al Sharpton, has called for Vick's suspension.

Then the NBA comes along to take some heat off Vick as referee Tm Donaghy resigned while being investigated for taking money from gamblers to affect the outcome of games. I had never thought about it, but in hindsight, bribing a NBA ref is brilliant. Unlike college basketball, you can't bribe players because they make so much, it wouldn't be worthwhile. There were so many bizarre calls in NBA games that a lot of people already suspected them of affecting the outcome of games to help star players. Everyone else just figured they were incompetent. Plus, unlike football referees or even baseball umps, they have more opportunities to affect a game. In other sports, officials have a more defined area to monitor, but in basketball, I've seen referees on the other side of the court make a call. There are so many other judgment calls that you can keep an underdog in the game or make sure they get blown out. If you're smart and keep your betting amounts relatively low, you could get a 60% win rate.

Then steroids popped up again. Barry Bonds is closing in on the all-time home run record, but it's seen as tainted because he might have used steroids (he's either juiced or ate two teammates). I love how it's pointed out that he's never failed a steroid test. Of course, he got involved in the whole steroid scandal when he was connected to BALCO which conveniently was in the business of making a designer steroid that didn't show on tests. And old golfer Gary Player insists that steroids are becoming a problem on the golf tours. One columnist ripped him for causing such a ruckus by not naming names to protect a source (a reporter would never use an anonymous source). I remember when Jose Conseco named names in his book on steroids in baseball, and he got crap for that. Make up your mind. Do you want to know who or not? There was a positive test for performance enhancers in the Tour de France, but since the only American in contention (Levi Leipheimer) is pretty far back and has a foreign sounding name, so no one cares. The biggest news to come out of that was a German biker crashing into a dog. That dog did more to stop a German than the entire French army in World War II.

Ron Mexico - Dog Fighter

Michael Vick’s been indicted for running a dog fighting ring. While he's had indiscretions in the past, he really went for the ring this time with a federal indictment. In a related note, Marcus Vick is leaving for Canada to club baby seals in an effort to regain his title as the worst Vick brother. Once again, I am amazed at how stupid professional athletes can be. Jamal Lewis, Bam Morris and Tamarick Vanover were busted for investing their money in drug distributing. WTF? Who gives these guys investment advice? Haven’t they ever heard of real estate or the stock market or mutual funds? And if you are going to invest in something illegal, make sure the feds won’t get involved. As many have noted in this case, federal authorities have much bigger budgets and a tendency to win their cases (95% conviction rate). They also like to hit big targets to make an example. Since they can’t charge everybody, they hope getting a big name will make news and others will be deterred. That’s why the IRS targeted NBA referees when they wanted to make an example of people who downgrade employer bought first class airline tickets, keep the difference and don’t pay taxes on it. It made headlines. The USDA was just given new authority to nail people involved in dog fighting. You think they didn’t want a high profile case to let people know about it?

Now, does this mean Vick is guilty? No, but I would have to get astronomical odds to put my money on his innocence. You buy the property, build the kennel, own the dogs, but don’t know they are being used for fighting. Yeah, I’ll buy that one. Even if Vick was unaware that dog fighting was now a federal offense (and wasn’t smart enough to realize gambling and tax evasion that go with it are also federal crimes), how stupid can you be to taint your image like that? Vick has basically been a mediocre NFL quarterback, but he sells tickets and jerseys because he’s exciting to watch. Getting caught in something like dog fighting is brain numbing stupid. Hey Mike, come advertise my product now. Actually, the dog fighting would be bad enough although some people will shrug their shoulders because dogs fight on their own. Well, so do kids, but good luck organizing the local middle school into a bare knuckles fight club (I know, I tried). Vick’s little operation went beyond just fighting. They were killing dogs if they lost their fights or if they just didn’t seem like they “tested” well. And they didn’t put them to sleep either. No, they seemed to go out of their way to make the deaths as unpleasant as possible. Hanging, electrocution and drowning were used. In one case, a dog was repeatedly slammed to the ground to kill it. You spend $20K for a fight purse, but won’t spend money on pentobarbital to put them to sleep? Hell, shooting them would be more humane not to mention faster and easier. You don’t have to be a dog lover to see these are some sick, twisted bastards.

Now, what does it mean for football and the Falcons? Well, it doesn’t look too good for Atlanta. That should make Phil happy because he used talk about how much he hated Atlanta. I can’t remember if it was the city or the team, because I wasn’t really paying attention. Anyway, John Clayton thinks the commissioner and Falcons have to wait until the legal situation plays out before doing anything about Vick. Of course, that could happen right in the middle of the season. Actually, Clayton is wrong about that. Pacman Jones wasn’t convicted of anything when he was suspended by the league, although he had multiple run-ins with the police. And Jason Cole is saying Vick is expected to be suspended by the league, and he doesn’t even mention the gambling angle which is also a bullet in the NFL’s gun. As for the Falcons, why can’t they do something about it? It would be tough to cut him right now because if he’s convicted and goes to jail, the Falcons could try to get back some of the signing bonus money they gave him. Plus, there are salary cap reasons. However, any team can suspend a player up to four games for “conduct detrimental to the team”, and tarnishing your team’s image qualifies. At the very least, they can bench him. As I said, he’s been a mediocre quarterback, but that was offset by his ability to sell tickets. That ability to sell tickets may be hampered by people boycotting his team.

Besides, as Clayton pointed out, how well could he play with this hanging over his head? Of course, Clayton also thinks that Joey Harrington wouldn’t be able to get the Falcons into the playoffs, but he fails to mention that Vick only got Atlanta into the playoffs twice in six years (this is why I didn’t like it when Clayton and Sean Salisbury debated on ESPN – both are pretty dumb). Now, Len Pasquarelli thinks Vick has been more focused and worked harder in this offseason than ever, although at least he didn’t say he thinks Vick will have a good year. Pasquarelli is a moron. No way to get around that. First off, he’s a friend of Vick’s agent so he lacks credibility. Plus, he says this situation is a “test of loyalty” for Falcons’ owner Arthur Blank. Excuse me? Does Blank owe Vick any loyalty? After all, Blank paid Vick millions more than his on-field performance merited, and this is how Vick pays him back? The face of the Falcons getting indicted for dog fighting which could lead to the team not having their starting quarterback at some point this year? I don’t think Blank’s loyalty should be in question.

I think the Falcons need to shut him down. To begin with, you don’t know how long you have him because he could go to trial during the season. As Lester Munson pointed out, the federal court that has jurisdiction over this case moves quickly. Plus, the NFL could suspend him. Frankly, I have to agree with Clayton on the point that he won’t play well with this going on. So, get Harrington ready and stick with him during the season. And what happens if Vick plays and has a good year? Hey, it could happen. Maybe Vick was never focused before because he spent too much of the offseason with his hobby. Now that they’ve seized his dogs, he’s got plenty of time to actually read the playbook. So, he has a good year. Then gets convicted but no serious jail time. With the stigma, do the Falcons feel pressure to keep him? Get rid of the problem. Get rid of him.

Of course, an even more important question is how will it affect fantasy football. Granted, Vick has long been a disappointment as an every week quarterback, but how far should he be downgraded from that? I’m thinking quite a bit. Do you really want your backup quarterback to have a possible conviction/suspension hanging over his head? Hopefully it will have been played out to some extent by draft day, but if not, it’s something to think about. And how does it affect Harrington’s draft position? If there is a possibility of suspension for Vick, does Harrington become a sleeper pick? Not sure about that. Coach Bobby Petrino has always had good quarterback play, but Joey Harrington kind of stinks. If Vick isn’t suspended but plays with the ax waiting to fall, will the circus affect the rest of the team? I think it has to. How often is an active NFL player and best known player on his team under federal indictment.

Another Thoughtful Provocative Posting

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

A Few Musical Notes

Well, word on the street (and elsewhere) is that Al Gore’s Live Earth concert didn’t draw too well. In person or on TV. When you’re hoping for 2 billion viewers, and less than 19 million watched any of it on NBC’s family of networks (even worse, you only had to watch 6 minutes to be counted), you didn’t do so well. Now, most people would suspect that I think viewers were turned off by the message. Or by the sheer hypocrisy of the organizer, entertainers or the event itself. Not true. After all, Live Earth didn’t do much worse than Live 8 which was the last pointless, politically corr….I mean socially progressive musical event.

Okay, it was partially the message. After all, Live Aid was one of the most watched TV events ever. The difference between it and the last two? Live Aid had a concrete purpose – raising actual money to feed starving Africans. Granted, most of the money and food never arrived because the biggest cause of starvation in Ethiopia wasn’t drought. It was a despotic, Communist government that used famine as a political weapon. Sending money through them was like sending money to a crackhead relative and expecting him to pay the rent. Still, I guess it was the thought that counted. Live 8 and Live Earth were pretty much all thought and no action. They just wanted you to “be aware”. Well, I can’t even remember much about the Live 8 message other than it had to do with erasing third world debt because everyone I know who couldn’t manage their money suddenly got good at it when someone else bailed them out. As for Live Earth, you would have to crawl into a pretty deep cave to not “be aware” that some people are concerned about global warming.

So, if everyone has heard about it, why did they have celebrities bitching about it so much? I looked at the set lists and after every act, some celebrity (or Mr. Excitement Al Gore himself) pops up to preach. So, either you don't feel like hearing it or you can recite it by heart. Not exactly something to get the juices flowing. Another thing I noticed from the set lists is that apparently Metallica only played three songs. So, if you are a heavy metal fan, you have to sit through two thirds of the day with bands like Keane, Duran Duran, and Genesis until you get to Metallica, and then it's a three song set.

Actually, that is the biggest problem. The London show had Metallica, Foo Fighters and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (why these West Coast bands were in London while Brits like the Police and Roger Waters were in NY is beyond me). I would watch those bands (although I wouldn't buy a ticket for the Chili Peppers), but then you have Duran Duran and Genesis who I liked but not enough to care about seeing them now. After that you have some rappers, soft pop bands and a bunch of people I've never heard of that I would not want to see even for free. Then you close with Madonna. I would rather listen to dogs humping than listen to Madonna. You can't throw such a motley collection of different musical styles together, let them play a handful of songs and expect their fan bases to come along for the ride. It's no wonder the internet streams did well. People wanted to skip the crap they didn't like. You can't do that on the Bravo network.

Speaking of crap music that I don't know about, I read this article about Avril Lavigne being sued for allegedly ripping off her song "Girlfriend" from The Rubinoos "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend." The only thing I know about Lavigne is that she once did a photo spread in Maxim and wore pretty much her regular outfit of jeans and full top. I expect a little more cheese in my cheesecake. Yet, no swimsuit or lingerie. I mean, what was the point? But I digress. What I found interesting was that her flack said they consulted "the country's foremost musicologists" to decide that she hadn't ripped off the song. So, I found the two songs on iTunes, and the preview let me listen to the choruses (I wasn't going to buy them). After listening, I was reminded of Thomas Beecham's quote "A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it." Actually, I'll go farther about these "musicologists". What a bunch of dumbdicks. The Rubinoos chorus went "Hey, Hey, You, You, I wanna be your boyfriend". Lavigne's went "Hey, Hey, You, You, I could be your girlfriend". I know the similarities seem a bit subtle, but when you added the music to it, it's a bigger ripoff than Vanilla Ice stealing the tune from "Under Pressure".

Was anyone else holding their breath waiting for a Spice Girls' reunion?

Didn't Barbara Streisand once tell people to use a clothesline to save energy?

And finally, have you ever run across a song that you pray to God is a parody, because if it's serious, it's one of the most horrific things you have ever heard? I really hope the woman in the video is playing a big joke on all of us because the alternative is highly disturbing. And what the Hell were those kids' parents thinking when they signed the release for this?

The Past Few Days - A Recap

Today’s moron report highlights Senator David Vitter of Louisiana who acknowledged that his phone number was among those released by the DC Madam. Of course, that means it’s not too surprising that he’s a Rudy Guliani supporter since Rudy seems to find wives to be an intrusion into a man’s sex life. Still, infidelity is stupid enough (especially a public figure), but this guy just added on. I do understand why this type of cheater would visit the best little whore ring in Washington. Your “date” probably won’t know who you are, so you don’t get little entangling problems that a girlfriend on the side would get you (like bragging to her friends that she’s doing somebody high up in the political food chain). Plus, you can pay extra and get really kinky stuff that a wife or steady girlfriend may not be up for. Or so I would assume. That said, how stupid do you have to be to leave a record of your involvement? I have to assume Vitter’s making the admission because it’s his office or home number which he’s probably given to reporters in case they want a sound bite and could now check against the list. Ever heard of a pay phone? Why not pull a Jerry Springer and write a personal check?

Of course, it’s highly unethical of the madam to release the phone numbers. After all, part of the payment is for discretion. Actually, I don't understand the legal strategy. Deborah Jeane Palfrey is denying she ran a whore for hire business, but this gives the prosecution potential witnesses. As long as the phone numbers were hidden, no one was coming forward. Now others will be like Vitter and assume they will be found out. Palfrey seems to think it would be tough to figure this out, but how long would it take a newspaper intern to enter all those numbers in a database to cross reference with reporters' list of contact numbers in D.C.? People start admitting they were clients, and suddenly they can be subpoenaed to tell what she really did.

One thing that really confused me about the article was that it stressed Vitter’s leadership to defeat the latest immigration amnesty bill. Really, what does that have to do with this? If he had been opposing the legalization of paid sex, that should certainly be included, kind of like a Texas state legislator shooting a house thief after opposing a law that makes it easier to claim self-defense in such situations. That would certainly have a connection. Immigration? Not so much. Unless they think he really likes blonds with big hooters and wants to protect their job from Mexican girls willing to give BJs for ten bucks and a burrito. And don’t think this means I know how much a BJ from a Mexican hooker costs, because I don’t. Stop rolling your eyes. I really don't.

Speaking of messing around (or being messed around on), I found this column on Hillary Clinton somewhat interesting. Well, the line about her enemies referring to her as “Her Thighness” was one I hadn’t heard and was pretty funny. Actually, the interesting part was saying women were questioning her “authenticity”. What? Do they think she has a wang? It would explain why Bill Clinton was laying pipe all around the country, although having Hillary as a wife (even if she's a woman) explained that. Yet, it still wouldn’t explain Chelsea.

CRAP.

Should I feel bad that this Pakistani religious leader was killed inside his mosque by security forces? Well, considering the fact that his followers supported the Taliban, kidnapped people off the street, turned a women’s religious school into an armed compound and used young children as human shields, I can’t say that I’m too sorry about that. Well, at least he wasn't caught in an embarrassing situation like his transvestite brother.

I've mentioned before that I think a journalism degree doesn't indicate any level of intelligence (and often a lack of). I was in Louisville when the police chief held a press conference to talk about the discovery of a missing child in a garbage truck. The chief had just finished explaining that the child was in a garbage bag as a way to explain why he wasn't noticed in the garbage can before being dumped. A reporter then asked if he thought the boy had been put there or could he have possibly climbed into the garbage can. How stupid can someone be? I'm sure a four year old would always think to tie themselves into a trash bag before diving into a trash can.

Of course, stupid actions trump stupid words as a reporter from a Chicago news station had to quit after a video was made showing her at pool party at the home of a missing woman. Whose story she had been covering. And hosted by the husband who is a prime suspect. But, hey, as far as we know, she's just hanging around someone she's covering while wearing a bikini. It's not like she's sleeping with him. What journalist would do that?

According to the radio on my drive home, there's a baseball game tonight. Supposedly the All-Star Game, but the fact that they have to put a Tampa Devil Ray on the squad tells a different tale. I could not believe it when I read that Tampa has lost at least 91 games every season of their existence. Upon further checking, their best season was the 70-91 team in 2004 that is also the only Tampa team not to finish in fifth place (commonly referred to as dead last) in their division. They finished fourth. Actually, I'm a little sick of hearing how the baseball All-Star Game is the "only All Star game that matters" because the league that wins gets home field advantage in the World Series. Well, duh. No other professional league would be dumb enough to do that. NFL players are just trying not to get hurt in the Pro Bowl. NBA players don't want to play defense. The MLB All Stars do play for something, but they shouldn't. It's been mentioned many times by many people, but there seems to be something wrong with a team getting home field based on an exhibition game. Especially when no team has more than five players on an All Star roster. Of course, the old way was almost as bad when they just alternated each year. With interleague play, just use the normal practice and the team with the better overall record gets home field advantage. Though, since it's baseball, I won't be watching anyway.

News And Notes

Another day, another terrorist attack. After some in Iraq, Afghanistan, Thailand, Indonesia, Lebanon......I could go on, but now they are back in England. And an Associated Press writer shows common sense is not part of the job description as he wonders what the connection could be. Mohammed Asha, Muhammad Haneef, Sabeel Ahmed, Khalid Ahmed, Bilal Abdulla? I caught the connection pretty quick, but it took Ben McConville about 21 paragraphs to mention there might be a Muslim connection. Of course, it doesn't help that the new British Prime Minister, Robert Brown, has stuck his head in the sand and told his ministers not to mention the fact that the terrorists are Muslim. Just because they are Muslims and radical Islam is most likely the main factor in their decision to try to kill a bunch of club hoppers and Scottish tourists is no reason to mention that. I guess people shouldn't mention that most Ku Klux Klansmen are white, because we don't want to offend white people who aren't in the Ku Klux Klan.

Now, I certainly won't give Brown the trophy for the most clueless when it comes to Islam. Not after reading about an Episcopal pastor who converted to Islam, but yet continues to be an Episcopal priest. It's one thing to have interfaith dialog, but this is flat retarded. As one theologian mentioned in the article, the status of Christ in the two religions means they aren't compatible. She can get away with that in Seattle, but I'd really like to see her go to Saudi Arabia and mention that she's a Muslim for Jesus.

On a lighter note, a man in Sweden is getting partial disability because he's a heavy metal music fan. He's 42 years old and can only get a job washing dishes? I didn't realize being a loser was a disability.

So sad. Al Gore's son and namesake was just busted for getting loaded on weed, driving 100 mph and carrying a personal pharmacy in his Prius. I'm sure his father was proud that he was driving a hybrid when caught because it's good advertising. I didn't think a Prius could do 100. Of course, doing 100 mph does lessen your gas mileage. I find the most interesting item to be that he was busted with an anti-depressant and ADD drug that he didn't have a prescription for. Granted, if my parents were Al and Tipper Gore, I would probably be depressed and unable to pay attention.

Speaking of weed, we just had a recent revelation that Dirk Minnifield smoked pot the night before the original Dream Game, and he thinks it cost UK the game especially after he passed up a dunk late in the game in favor of short jumper which was deflected by Charles Jones of Louisville. UK went on to lose in overtime. Now, to begin with, I'm like everyone else - shocked, absolutely shocked to find out a college kid was smoking pot. Now, the question is whether or not it affected his play. Maybe for his career. I know Billy Thompson had drug problems his first three years at Louisville when he was viewed as an underachiever. He got clean his senior year when UL won it all. Now, did the one night of pot hurt Minnifield for the Dream Game? Beats me. I've never smoked pot so I don't know how you feel the next day. I do know a hangover would affect him (or so I've been told about these hangover things), but I've always been told the advantage of pot over alcohol is no hangover with pot. Besides, I heard for years he was toking up all through high school and college. Does anyone really think this was the first game he smoked pot the night before? And Billy Thompson was on that UL team, so it wouldn't surprise me if some UL players weren't out in the parking lot with Minnifield. Minnifield was a great dunker, but Bozich is definitely right about one thing, Charles Jones was not an easy man to dunk on. Claiming your drug habit cost your team the game almost a quarter of century later is a bit much.

I really don't care about the New York Yankees. For one, it's baseball. Two, it's baseball. However, I have to chuckle about the recent escapades of the Alex Rodriguez soap opera. First, he gets caught on camera with some blond stripper with big knockers in Toronto while the wife was back in New York. And apparently, he was followed all over the city by the photographer and still took the woman back to his hotel. Genius. Now, his wife is wearing a shirt to a recent Yankees' game with "F--k you" printed on the back. Not sure why that's a scandal. Should fit right in at a New York baseball game. And supposedly, she's not all that mad about the infidelity thing (which makes me think he's got a good pre-nup). After all, it wasn't like he was playing golf in Pennsylvania.

Still, it doesn't have near the shock value of the two women getting it on in the bathroom at a public pool with kids all around. Oh, and another woman was taping it. You know there is a time and a place for everything. This doesn't seem to be the right time or place for something like that. Of course, if the bystander who wandered in wanted to make them stop, she should have gone into a stall and took a dump with lots of loud grunting. That's a mood killer right there. At least I hope it is.

I wonder if any of those women who like taking their clothes off in public are going to make the big time. You know, pictures in the top of a pizza box. Nothing says sexy like porn on a greasy cardboard box. Don't they have the internet in Canada?

Happy Birthday America

Actually, it's not really America's birthday. At least not in the sense of what we are today. America's birthday should really be when the ninth state ratified the Constitution (NH June 21, 1788). That's what made this a country rather than a bunch of little countries in semi-union as it was under the Articles of Confederation. To be truthful, I don't even consider it to be the true "Independence Day". Sure, they passed the final draft of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, but that didn't really change anything from a rebellion to independence. It wasn't until Cornwallis' surrender at Yorktown that the colonies were recognized as no longer being part of England. And that's your history lesson for today. Still a good time for a day off.

This Myspace Thing

I've been trying to figure out something ever since I read that Myspace is the sixth most popular website - how does it turn a profit? I assume it must be profitable because News Corporation spent a ton of money on it and Rupert Murdoch doesn't like to lose money on anything. Yet, I look at the pages and there is advertising which has to be worth quite a bit due to over 100 million users, but how many people click on that crap? Yet this thing has to cost a ton to run. It's got to have memory space and servers for over 100 million sites. There has to be some licensing for some of the music and videos. Paying a few hundred people to run it. That adds up.

Yet, it seems to have avoided one type of advertising yet still annoys with it. I got a small glimmer into Myspace the normal way. Some girl in your group at a bar is taking pictures and says she's putting them on her Myspace page. You go to make sure that there isn't a picture of me looking stupid (always a concerns for many of us), and you have to be registered to look at pictures. So, you try to register under your name, but it isn't available so you set up an email address based on your brand of bourbon and register under that name. You need a picture so you grab one off your hard drive, say a picture of a Denny Crum bobblehead. Add some personal information that may or may not be true. Write up a small blurb of stupid crap. Or as is often in my case, a long rambling blurb of stupid crap. So, now you're registered so you can look at the pictures. You look at the pictures and promptly forget that you even set the damned thing up.

You forget until much later when you're voting for something that uses email addresses to limit it. You're trying to maximize your voting and you remember the bourbon email address. And when you check it, it's still active (as is the Myspace page). Why is it still active? Because a bunch of strippers and two bit porn actresses wanted to be your friend. So, you're being spammed without Myspace being paid for it (supposedly). In fact, Myspace is subsidizing it. Doesn't seem like a solid business plan.

The NBA Draft

Ah, the NBA Draft. Not near as good as the NFL draft no matter what Mark Story said in the Lexington rag. Actually, considering he said that the NBA Draft might be the single best day of sports each year proves he's a moron. After you get past the Oden/Durant argument, you start wondering things like "who is going to take the 7 foot Chinaman". He fails to mention that watching the NBA draft means you have to keep your finger on the mute button for when they go to Stephen A-hole Smith. Still, I'm going to blog it just so I can make fun of a bunch of stiffs who get drafted because they are tall but slow.

Well, Portland takes Greg Oden with the first pick. Smart move. Outside the Michael Jordan Bulls, the '04 Pistons are the only team to win an NBA championship since 1990 without a big man taken with the number one pick. Otherwise, it's Hakeem Olajuwon (2), Shaq (4) and Timmy Duncan (4). Not that taking a big man number one is always a good idea - think Kwame Brown and Michael Olowokandi-ass. But I don't think that will be Oden. And Seattle gets a nice consolation prize with Durant.

Side note - support local candidates when you vote.

And Milwaukee selects the 7 foot Chinaman after three other teams didn't. Al Horford - good pick. Michael Conley Jr - who knows. Jeff Green - getting traded to Seattle so who cares.

Charlotte takes Brandan Wright from North Carolina. Apparently they were sold by his prospectus that said "doesn't play hard". He'll be the fourth Tarheel on Charlotte's roster. Get a UNC guard, change the team colors to powder blue, and maybe they can draw a crowd.

Joakim Noah made history when he became the third player drafted out of Florida this year (no school has ever had three players drafted in the top ten in the same year). He may make history in the future when he becomes the first player drafted by the NBA and the WNBA. His English is as bad as that guy from China's.

Side note - I'd like to send a little shout out to the guy in front of me at the self-checkout line in the store today. It's called a fast lane because we're supposed to be done quickly. If you're too damned ignorant to ring up produce yourself, go to a regular line.

Okay, Sacramento just drafted Spencer Hawes so we've got the first stiff and the first use of "upside". A non-athletic 7 footer who doesn't rebound well or block shots. That's a can't miss product.

Four guys taken to end the "lottery" part of the show. Then we get Rodney Stuckey, Nick Young and Sean Williams. I thought Dick Vitale said this was going to be one of the deepest drafts ever. Well, he says a lot of stupid things.

Great. Knicks might have made a trade to get Portland head-case Zach Randolph which leads to Stephen A-hole touching himself and extended screen time for Spike Lee to celebrate. Let's see, Portland gets Greg Oden, and New York gets a true team player who is also a suspension waiting to happen. Of course, when he said Bill Bradley could shut down Larry Bird, I knew Spike Lee was a typical New York sports fan. Loud and clueless.

Side note - They're holding Congressional hearings on NFL disability payments. When are they going to focus on the true injury epidemic - hurt jaws from competitive eating?

A second player from Georgia Tech was just drafted. I would have thought with two players taken in the top 19, Tech should have won at least one tournament game.

Hey, more garbage about Kobe Bryant wanting a trade. What's he going to do if the Lakers don't trade him? Not play? Pout? That will endear him to the masses.

Side note - Considering the great strides sportwriters make to distinguish professional wrestling from real sports, the sports news websites sure are carrying a lot of stories about Chris Benoit's double murder-suicide. Do they think this means Barry Bonds will wig out and kill people?

And once again, a big deal is made when the local New York team drafts someone (Wilson Chandler? Who the Hell is that?). Should we all begin to question God as to why we weren't born a New York "insert team name" fan? Well, except Phil because he used to be a Mets fan.

San Antonio takes another South American - Tiago Splitter from Brazil. Which led to the graphic about how many international players are on the Spurs. Beginning with Tim Duncan. From the U.S. Virgin Islands. Let me point out that the "U.S." in U.S. Virgin Islands stands for United States. How is a U.S. citizen from a U.S. territory considered an international player?

Side note - I would look into getting one of those iPhones except I already have an iPod and I don't really like talking on the phone and it's $500.

Well, they finished the first round with a true international player - Howdy Doody.... I mean Petteri Koponen who played for the Honka Espoo Playboys in Finland. And I'm not making that team name up. Sounds like people into kinky backdoor sex.

And I'm going to quit as we get into the second round. To keep interest, the semi-worthless commentators will be trying to portray the draftees as the next Carlos Boozer or Gilbert Arenas. Oh, and they've already started the discussion about guys who came out "too early". Sure, some of these guys will look like schmucks for coming out early when they drop out of the first round (and guaranteed money). However, for a lot of them, they don't like school and want to leave anyway. An athletic career is a finite time, so for many, it makes sense to get your career started. There is no guarantee these guys are going to help their draft status by staying an extra year. It's not like the first round is littered with seniors. Did Glen Davis really help himself by staying an extra year?

Okay, I had to add one more point. In the second round, the Miami Heat just drafted a guy named Stanko.

Taxes Equal Charity?

Originally I thought the most interesting news of the week would be the return of the P'Zone at Pizza Hut. Nothing like a big ass calzone for dinner. This is the type of food that will fill you up. Unless you have a tapeworm. Plus, the other good thing is that it's completely portable. That means I can take it home rather than eat it at the restaurant where they serve those horrible Pepsi products. Now, while this news makes me happy, it isn't the most interesting. The most interesting is the story about the University of Oregon study that found paying taxes makes people happy.

Stories like this simply remind me why I don't get concerned about the cost of tuition rising at a much higher rate of inflation. Well, actually the main reasons I'm not concerned is that I'm out of school and don't have children. Actually, I don't want to smart people getting themselves into incredible amounts of debt trying to go to college. I'm OK with stupid people going into debt. Still, I lose my concern because these rising costs can be attributed to factors that could be solved if colleges really want to. For instance, getting rid of inefficiency. Making professors actually teach classes rather than countless sabbaticals. Stop having a bunch of classes that no one goes to. Or having pointless classes that many people go to, but really don't have much education value, like a class on pornography. Give me a break. Don't give course credit for watching porn. Make them watch it on their own time. College students have it easier these days with the Internet. When I was in college, you only had bootleg videos and magazines if you wanted porn.

Yet, those issues pale in comparison to stupid studies. This study isn't just pointless. It's downright retarded. First off, why do I get the feeling that a group of people already sucking off the government teat wouldn't have a predisposed notion that taxes are good? Second, the study only has 19 people, and all of them are women. Great sampling. Third, they aren't really giving anyone money. It's a fake account. These people simply aren't giving away their own money. I learned when I worked summers for the Army that it's a lot easier to spend someone else's money than your own.

Those issues alone make this study complete crap. However, the biggest problem is that giving money to charity is not the same as paying taxes. I really do believe that charitable giving does make people feel better. In fact, way back in college I argued that true altruism doesn't exist because the proverbial "warm fuzzy" is a benefit to the one practicing it. But paying taxes is not the same as donating to charity. Donating to charity is something people do because they want to. Plus, they give it to whoever they want to give it to. Taxes are basically extortion (and in the best line ever, the taxers want a thank you for it). Pay them or go to jail. It doesn't matter if you believe in what it goes for. Conservatives have to subsidize welfare. Pacifists have to subsidize the military. Parents with children in private school have to pay property taxes to pay for public schools they don't use. Hell, I have to indirectly pay property taxes (factored into rent) to support schools even though I don't have kids. If these researchers really wanted to find out how people feel about taxes, they should have paid their subjects to be in the study. Then they should have taken half their paychecks to fund a junket for the professors to go to some pointless conference (which is much closer to what your tax dollars fund than a food bank). Let's see how positive a reaction they get from that?

More Random News And Notes

Told you a long time ago (well, a month anyway) that Paris Hilton wouldn't serve her entire sentence. Ironically, now she might. A lesson to be learned - don't piss off the judge.

Speaking of the law, a woman was just awarded $29K for false arrest because the New York court system ruled a long time ago that since a man walking around topless isn't indecent exposure, neither is a topless woman in public. I wonder if a bunch of topless women are now going to be wandering the streets of NY hoping an overzealous cop takes them in. Why not? I've heard rumors of these clubs where women take their clothes off and dance for men waving singles at them. Unless these "strip clubs" are an urban legend, those girls could get paid and not even dance.

In a sad story with a happy ending, the Australian town of Hinton was cut off by floodwater. Yet, the emergency services stepped up and delivered beer. I'm thinking of building a moat around my apartment building to see if I can sucker the city into delivering me beer. Unfortunately, Lexington struggles to fill potholes. They may not be up to the challenge of delivering beer.

Now, Applebee's can get alcohol to you. Even in a sippy cup to a two year old. I'm not sure why the mother was mad. A margarita is a lot more expensive than apple juice. Okay, so the kid got sick, but kids get sick all the time. But I think the moral of the story is toddlers just can't hold their liquor. Sure I got sick the last time I drank Tequila, but I had to drink a lot of it and chase it with Stroh's.

It's always nice to find out that women are just as degenerate as men. At least in England. And I think we all really knew that.

And in Texas, sex is selling the news as a bikini model is now the anchorwoman of the local newscast. Some people are outraged because she doesn't have a journalism background. So what? What do they need to know besides how to read a teleprompter?

I realize that there are a lot of dicks in the workplace, and it's entirely possible some exhibit psychopathic behavior there (I know I do). However, in this story about the "workplace psychopath", a moronic doctor actually says "I think the workplace psychopath is actually more dangerous than the violent criminal psychopath". Really? Does this mean he would rather deal with a hatchet wielding nutsack over the workplace asshole?

Speaking of psychopaths, another study has found that Muslims who favor a larger role of Islam in politics were also more likely to support terrorism. You think? What's next? A study that shows those same people believe it's okay to kill their daughter for refusing to be forced into an arranged marriage?

I guess animals can go psycho too as this squirrel went on a rampage in Germany. However, I don't think the squirrel was crazy. The animal kingdom has declared war on us. Fighting back will be tough. In this country, you can't even shoot a few dolphins (the elite special forces of the sea). Norway won't even let you boil a few crabs (although originally I thought the article was about controlling jock itch).

This wouldn't be a problem if we had all listened to Bob Barker and spayed or neutered our children. Or was it pets? I can't really remember. Now, Bob is gone. And he's promoting Rosie O'Donnell as his replacement. He says she wants to host the Price Is Right. Of course she does. She can't wait to get her hands on Barker's Beauties. I think half of them have posed for Playboy at one time or another (and one is now an anchorwoman in Texas). And nailing one is not grounds for dismissal but you might get sued. More good news for Rosie. Donald Trump may not have been mean to her when he called her fat. Experts are now saying doctors should be blunt when talking to fat kids about their weight. So, if telling a four year old they are fat instead of "husky" is a good thing, it should be just as good to do the same with a woman who has the intelligence and maturity of a four year old?

The Greatest News Story Of The Year

Without a doubt, this is the greatest news story I've heard this year. Granted, it's just in the rumor stages, but apparently Dale Earnhardt Jr will sign a contract to drive for Hendrick Motorsports next year. As I mentioned before, Junior had already announced he was leaving DEI next year, but he didn't have a plan in place. Now, he does. Actually, I'm kind of surprised that Hendrick is taking him since they have four drivers (maximum allowed for one owner) in place, but word is that they are dropkicking Kyle Busch to make room for Earnhardt. Busch is kind of a dick, so small loss for Hendrick.

It's a great move for Earnhardt. He showed in 2003 and 2004 that he could drive with the best of them as he finished third both years. The best was 2004 when he won six times and finished in the top five in 16 out of 36 races. Now he's going to the top team in NASCAR. Hendrick has won 10 of the 14 races this year with all four drivers getting at least one. So, he's not going to struggle because of equipment. I'm not so sure that it's that good for Hendrick even if Earnhardt is successful. Sure, he brings a ton of fans, money, and endorsements. The problem is that Hendrick already has a little rivalry between its top two drivers, Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson, about the pecking order. Throw in another alpha male who brings a larger following than either of the two, and there is more friction. Of course, teams from the same owner are pretty autonomous (as long as they aren't wrecking a teammate), and Gordon and Johnson have combined to win 57% of the races this year, so maybe it won't be a problem.

The reason I think it's funny is because of the effect it will have on Earnhardt's fans. As I mentioned before, I was never a Dale Earnhardt Sr fan so I'm not in the Earnhardt Jr inherited fanbase. Junior is a likable fellow so he did pick up some fans of his own to become the most popular driver in NASCAR, but my guess is the vast majority of his base came after his very popular father died on the track. And that inherited fanbase is insane. They make UK basketball fans seem rational. Okay, somewhat rational. Earnhardt Sr's fans were a bunch of crazed, redneck nutsacks when he was alive and degenerated after his death. And in their eyes, who is NASCAR's Anti-christ? Dale Jr's newest teammate Jeff Gordon. I have yet to meet a longtime Earnhardt fan who doesn't absolutely hate Gordon. Now, their crown prince will be sharing a garage with him. That is too funny.

Some More NBA Thoughts

Let's see. LeBron James puts on one of the best playoff performances I've ever seen in a double overtime win. Zydrunas Ilgauskas (say that with food in your mouth) hit a layup with almost eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. From that point until the end of the game, the only Cleveland point not scored by James was a free throw by Drew Gooden. Then the Cavs win their next game to get some fresh faces into the NBA Finals. So, how does the NBA capitalize on it? They wait five days to start the Finals. Granted, ABC may have wanted to wait. How often can they show repeats of Supernanny and Wife Swap. Oh, and a new episode of The Next Best Thing: Who Is The Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?.

Of course, Kobe Bryant showed perfect timing by bitching about his lack of support just as James is blowing up. I wouldn't call James' supporting cast as stellar. The only interesting part of Drew Gooden's game is his bizarre hairstyle. Donyell Marshall sucks. I thought Ilguaskas had less mobility than an amputee until I saw a video of a one legged basketball player and realized I had overestimated Ilguaskas' mobility. Rookie Daniel Gibson looks like a keeper, but he only proved he can hit a wide open shot as opponents triple team James. James does have an advantage in playing in the piss poor East, but he has the disadvantage of playing for an idiot like Mike Brown. I wouldn't pick Cleveland to beat the Spurs, but I hope it happens. I guess it's possible if Steve Javie decides he really doesn't want the Spurs to win and Cleveland shoots twice as many free throws as San Antonio while the Spurs get five technical fouls called on them in one game by the same official during a pivotal game.

The other big NBA news was Billy Donovan taking the Orlando Magic job and then turning around and going back to the University of Florida. I was planning on discussing the blind foolishness of assuming Donovan would flop in the NBA because so many other college coaches did when they made the jump. Names like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, Lon Kruger, Tim Floyd and Leonard Hamilton were thrown around. Well, there's a big difference. Floyd was the only one who didn't take over a team that had been lousy the year before. His case was even worse as the championship Bulls got rid of all their good players after Michael Jordan retired (for the second time). Oh, and Leonard Hamilton was a mediocre college coach so I don't know why anyone expected success at the next level. Donovan would have been taking over a playoff team (albeit in a weaker conference) with a rising star in Dwight Howard and lots of salary cap space. So, I wouldn't necessarily think he would fail.

Of course, that doesn't matter anymore as Donovan waffled and finally decided he wants back in college (unresolved at this point, but looks like Orlando will let him go). What surprises me (although it shouldn't considering how poorly I think of sportswriters) is the lack criticism Donovan is getting nationally for this. Jay Bilas did say that he was being "unprofessional", and Orlando writers are pissed, but for the most part the response has been that Donovan struggled with leaving and followed his heart back to the Gators. Sorry, not buying it. It's not just unprofessional. It's downright crap behavior. He didn't just agree to the job. He signed a contract and had a big welcoming party. I'm also not buying his suck-ups saying that Donovan felt "pressured" by Orlando to take the job. That's pure BS. He had all the leverage. If he said he needed a week, I have little doubt that Orlando would have given it to him. They wanted the big publicity splash hiring him would have given them (and did up until now). It really rings hollow once you realize that he was sending out feelers weeks ago. And not just for Orlando, but other NBA teams. He should have been prepared to jump to the NBA or not.

Sadly Donovan won't lose much money and can actually use this to his benefit because rumor is that Orlando (pushed by the NBA) will ask that he agree not to take go after an NBA job for five years as part of a settlement to get out of the Magic contract. Now, Donovan can tell recruits that he can't jump to the NBA. However, he screwed one of his friends and former assistants. Anthony Grant, presently head coach at VCU, was all set to take the Florida job, except the offer never came because Donovan changed his mind. Unfortunately for Grant, he pretty much told recruits and players he was leaving. Now, he has to rebuild those bridges. The Magic was really screwed. They had used the publicity of the hire to get a bunch of new season ticket holders. Now, they look like chumps. Even worse, they are delayed (and possibly defeated) in going after their next choice in Stan Van Gundy. According to Charles Barkley, he's the better looking Van Gundy which is sadly true, because even though he looks like a Ron Jeremy stand-in (at least from the waist up; the rest I don't know about), his brother Jeff is really not attractive.

Ironically, I personally believe Stan Van Gundy may have been a better choice. While I discount the "college coach can't make it in the NBA" rule, I'm not convinced Donovan is that great of a coach. I saw one writer name him the third best college coach ever after John Wooden and Mike Krzyzewski. Another said he was a cinch to win five titles. Get a grip, people. He does have three Final Four appearances which means he's a good coach, but he's been real lucky to get two championships. It's unheard of anymore for a championship team to return completely intact the way his did this year. Let's look at his non-Final Four years. After going to Final Four in 2000, he couldn't even make it out of the first weekend of the next five tournaments, and that was with some big time recruiting classes. Can you imagine Krzyzewksi going five years without making it to the Sweet Sixteen? Or Roy Williams? Hell, Lute Olson and Jim Boeheim (not to mention a lot of others) never went five years without making it out of the second round. Two years ago, anyone saying Donovan was a top three active coach, let alone all time, would have been derided as an idiot.

As for Van Gundy, I think he's very underrated. I still think Pat Riley is a scumbag for dumping the Miami Heat on Van Gundy when they didn't have any good players, but then making him quit so Riley could take over again after Van Gundy got them good again. Riley left after a 25 win season. Van Gundy wins 42 games his first year. In his second, the Heat add Shaquille O'Neal and win 59 games for the best record in the East. They lost in seven games in the conference finals with Dwyane Wade playing hurt. So, what happens? Riley makes Van Gundy quit so he can win the title the next year (with a worse record) as a healthy Wade dominates before age and infirmities cause the Heat to flop this year. So, in a nutshell, Donovan and Riley are dicks, and Stan Van Gundy is underrated (Jeff Van Gundy isn't too swift). In fact, I hope Florida misses the NCAA tournament next year.

Let's Go Jazz

Well, for the first time in a few of years, I can actually root for the Jazz in the playoffs. Actually, for the first time this century, I can root for them as they move deep into the playoffs. Nobody is giving them much of a chance to beat the Spurs, and I have to agree it'll be tough. I'm not sure Carlos Boozer will be able to maintain his stellar play against Tim Duncan (although Amare Stoudemire did). The Spurs will probably put Bruce Bowen on Deron Williams, so that the only real advantage the Jazz will have Mehmet Okur. However, I think the Jazz are playing as good as anyone right now.

To be honest, I was rooting for the Suns to win their series over the Spurs because I though it was a better matchup for the Jazz. They haven't won in San Antonio since 1999, while they took the season series with Phoenix 3-1 (although I still would have considered them the underdogs in that one too). Now, even though I was rooting for the Suns, I am getting a little tired of all the "injustice" talk that is going around about the suspensions of Stoudemire and Boris Diaw in the Spurs/Suns series for leaving the bench after a hard foul on Steve Nash. Now, would the Suns have won game five with those two? Good chance, although you might notice they still lost three other games in the series with them. So, playing the "What if" game is pointless.

The biggest laugh I get out of the entire controversy was the idea that the Spurs were "dirty". A few years ago, the Spurs were called soft. I guess facing an even softer team makes you look dirty although it's funny because last year's villain was the Suns' Raja Bell who got suspended for a takedown on Kobe Bryant. Sure, the series got "chippy" (buzz word for this year's playoffs), but it wasn't any more "chippy" than the Jazz/Warriors series where the Warriors were called for several flagrant and technical fouls. Yet, no one was up in arms about that. There were two reasons why. First, unlike the whiny Suns (I saw a play where Steve Nash fumbled the ball away, yet screamed at the ref that his arm had been hit), the Jazz just played on. Second, sportswriters suck. They actually seem to think they have the pulse of the nation and choose their outrage based on the results they want. The Warriors were the lovable (even with a player under indictment for a strip club shooting) underdogs. They weren't going to disrupt the fairy tale. As for the Suns, they were exciting. The Spurs are boring. So, everyone outside of San Antonio must have been rooting for the Suns so they don't have to watch more Spurs.

Really, how else do you explain the fact that Horry's hip check on Nash that sparked the problems in game four became the cheapest shot in the history of basketball? Even by Marv Albert who covered Knick games under Pat Riley. Give me a break. It wasn't good, but I'm not even sure it was worse than the shot Bell put on Bryant last year or the elbow to the face that Baron Davis gave Derek Fisher in the Warriors/Jazz series. It might look bad, but if Nash had any weight, he wouldn't have flopped that far away. I've seen Allen Iverson take worse. It certainly wasn't close to the stuff that Detroit teams did in the 80s or the Celtic teams did in the 80s or what Charles Oakley did his entire career. I'm not sure when the NBA became so wussified, but it has.

Further, how else do you explain the sudden condemnation of a rule that's been in place for years? It's well known that you are going to be suspended if you leave the bench during a fight as Stoudemire and Diaw did. The reason is that the NBA gets bad press for its fights. Mainly because fighting is expected in hockey, padded in football and silly looking in baseball. Plus, basketball players have a much closer proximity to the fans. No one bitched this much when the Knicks lost to the Heat even though the situation was the same as the Knicks lost several players to suspension for leaving the bench. Every argument used then by the Knicks then was used this time by the Suns this year. Defending a teammate; never got near the action; important playoff series; a Heat player instigated it. Yet, everyone was fine with the rule then, but not now. Suddenly, it's the devil. Sorry. Not buying it. They knew the rule. They face the consequences. You might notice that in the Jazz series, they didn't rush the court to fight when Fisher took a cheap elbow to the face nor did the Lakers when Bryant went down. They know the rules.

Is it a dumb rule? That's the new argument, and it's funny as hell because the same people who bitch about the NBA different standards of punishment now want to give them "discretion" in situations like this. I like the rule because it takes the discretion out of the NBA's hands. A fight breaks out, you leave the bench, you get suspended. Look at how warped the NBA already is when it comes to punishment. If Stoudemire and Diaw don't leave the bench, they don't get suspended. I'll bet Horry still gets suspended for the shot on Nash (although probably one instead of two games). Nash is a star, Horry is not. Compare it to the elbow on Fisher. I think it was just as bad, but Baron Davis didn't get suspended at all. Why? He's the star of the Warriors who are the compelling story of the playoffs. The last thing the NBA needs is allowing more protection from punishment by the stars.