Even More News Of The Week

I could have waited until later to write this up, but important breaking news has occurred. Guns N' Roses' is finally releasing their album Chinese Democracy (or as I like to call it Taiwan). This album has been in the works for 13 years. Granted, they are still working out the monetary details which means it could really hit the market by 2011. I'm not going to say it will suck, but I'm willing to bet it will be pretty bland and make only a small ripple. What will suck is the fact that there may be a reality show made in connection with it. Considering how long the album took, that show could go on for years. Except it's based on one of the least liked celebrities out there. And unlike that Kardashian chick, he doesn't have a big (female) ass or a sex tape that anyone would have any interest in watching.

Speaking of sex tapes, there's a rumor out there that a Marilyn Monroe sex tape has emerged. I certainly wouldn't be interested in seeing such filth (except for strictly research purposes), but I imagine it would be more anticipated (and less vomit inducing) than another one by Chyna. Too bad some dirtbag bought the film with the intent of burying it so no one (except him) gets to see it. Pervert.

Since I've got the porno story out of the way, I guess hookers are next. It was reported a while back that Senator David Vitter was caught up as a john in the DC Madam case. Now, we're finding out that one of the hookers working for the madam was a naval officer who was stationed at the Naval Academy (poor lass was working at a place where they probably couldn't afford her services). Obviously she had to be an officer. If she had been an NCO, the only Senator she would have been interested in sex with would have been Dianne Feinstein. I like the comment that she is on leave from the Navy. She should probably stay on leave for awhile. If adultery is a court-martial offense, prostitution probably is too.

Hey, how about another hooker story. This one was a women running an escort service in her free time from teaching high school. I would make the comment that finding clients there would be even harder than at the Naval Academy except damned high school kids seem to have more disposable income than I do.

When Barak Obama got a lift from Oprah Winfrey's endorsement, I did not understand where Oprah got that kind of credibility. The fact that she spawned Dr. Phil on us means her credibility should be completely shot. His latest is posting bail for one of those cheerleaders from the gang assault. Bail was contingent on getting an exclusive from her. Now Dr. Phil is leaking that it was some low level production assistant who did it, but what's the likelihood that guy even has $3 grand on him at any time?

Speaking of Obama, his latest gaffe was a good one. He basically said that small town people lose their job and become bitter which leads them to become gun toting, bigoted religious fanatics who want to ship all the Mexicans back. But he did apologize for it. Well, he basically said he's sorry that people couldn't figure out what he really meant. I did like the fact that he's claiming he used the wrong choice of words. Strange how such a great speaker is now beginning to "misspeak" a lot when he doesn't have a teleprompter in front of him. Now, the defense is that he misspoke and he was right anyway because people really are bitter. I wouldn't argue about that since we are talking about Democratic primary voters and Democrats are just bitter people. However, it misses the point. Read the quote. Obama is explaining what the bitterness has led people to. One of which is racism (antipathy to people who aren't like them). So, basically, Obama is saying small town midwestern people are bigots. The bitterness is the reason why they become such bigots.

His opponent Hillary Clinton is making some noise about it, and to show that she understands the "little people" of Pennsylvania, she does a boilermaker with them. Of course, there is a problem. Hillary has begun attacking free trade, and especially NAFTA. And yet, when it came down to what to drink, she has Crown Royal. Blended Canadian whisky that's bottled only in Manitoba, Canada. American whiskey not good enough for you, Hillary?

But all is not lost for Hillary. Elton John has come out with his endorsement of her and appears to believe that anyone who doesn't vote for her is misogynistic. Yeah. Somehow I don't think I'll be taking my voting cues from a poorly dressed British homo who can't even vote in this country.

Oh wait, not done with the porno stories. In Italy, porn star Milly D'Abbraccio is running for something or other in Rome. Obviously Hillary's presidential campaign has encouraged women around the world to seek office no matter how stupid their campaign is. This "actress" has built her campaign around her butt (to think Kim Kardashian only got a reality show out of hers). Which is good. Why wait until you take office to show your ass as a politician?

Hey, North Korea has promised that the Olympic torch relay won't be disrupted when it's carried through North Korea. That's certainly true. Unlike London or Paris, the protection policy in North Korea will be shoot first and if that doesn't work, shoot again. England is considering dropping the international part of the torch relay when London hosts the 2012 Olympics. It's somewhat controversial because you don't want to mess with an Olympic "tradition" that began two Olympics ago (before 2000, the torch pretty much ran through the host country). I have a better idea. How about England refrain from initiating a bloody crackdown on Tibet that year?

Here's a heart warming story about parents making decisions about their 4 year old child's future. His mother thinks he should join Crips while his father wants him in the Westside Ballers. I'm thinking Child Protective Services myself. The fact that his parents could be members in different gangs and still manage to have an illegitimate child together gives hope for everyone. I think Hollywood should make a move about them. It could be West Side Story II.

Of course, I'm sure it's all a government conspiracy. Alicia Keys thinks "gangsta rap" is a big government conspiracy. Which means talent and looks can't mask latent stupidity forever. Of course, she's not smart enough to realize that she's insulting all the "gangsta rap" aficionados by saying they were duped by a bunch of bureaucrats.

This is one of the more bizarre stories that I've read in a long time. A guy balled up some bread and tried to sell it as crack. That wasn't the weirdest part. He was trying to sell it at a Florida nursing home. Doesn't he realize those people are on fixed incomes? And probably not crack smokers.

I just want to say for the record that I don't live in New York nor do I ride the subway there. Some guy is facing a life sentence for his 53rd arrest. For what? Rubbing up against women in the subway. Which means I'm thinking of moving to New York and riding the subway. Hey, if you can get away with it the first 50 some times.......

More News Of The Week

Here's an idea for Civics classes in our high schools. Instruct your students that if you engage in a gang assault on another student and knock her unconscious, trying to convince the authorities that you were justified because she said mean things about you on MySpace probably won't work. Oh, and video taping it (and not destroying the tape when the cops start sniffing around) just isn't too bright either. Little hard to deny your involvement at that point. You would think with all the cop shows on that these morons would realize just what great evidence an actual video of a crime would be.

Those girls in Tampa should consider themselves lucky. At least they're alive to become Big Bertha of Cell Block D's girlfriend. Two stupid bimbos in LA had their robbery attempt foiled when the cab driver sped away from their armed boyfriend (who was outside the cab while these geniuses were inside). The next step was to slash the cabbie with box cutters until he crashes the cab. And now they are dead.

Too bad high school students aren't the only stupid ones. A high school teacher in Texas tried to marry a 17 year old student at his school. Yeah, real bright. Try denying that one. "Yes, I married a student, but it doesn't mean we're having sex" (which a lot of married couples would actually agree with that possibility).

Maybe he should move to Australia where they could have this possible headline "Man reunites with daughter after 30 years. Impregnates her. Twice."

I wasn't going to say much about the Barak-Obama-has-a-bigoted-anti-America-preacher thing. To begin with, it was old news to me since these stories were out there long before "real journalists" "discovered" it. Second, Michelle Obama has certainly branched into the anti-American arena, so it makes sense that she got it honestly. And to be honest, I wasn't really surprised the guy didn't like whites or Jews. He did give an award to Louis Farrakhan. Actually, I think the parts of his sermons that really got me were two things. One, his use of crude, sexual jokes (Bill & Monica) and personal name-calling (calling Condaleeza Rice "Condaskeeza) may have a place somewhere (blogs are good), but seem to be a bit much for the pastor of a church. Two, when talking about 9/11, the bad Reverend Wright spoke of "chickens coming home to roost" to basically say we deserved it. What made it worse was just how giddy he seemed to be over the fact.

Still, I was going to ignore it until I heard another "pundit" proclaim Obama's bravery because he made some "candid" speech on race where he said it was white people's fault or something along those lines. How could anyone think Obama's speech was brave? The main appeal of his candidacy is that he supposedly above race. So, finding out that a man who mentored Obama for years could be a bit bigoted might be a problem for it. What else was Obama supposed to do? He had to give the speech. The real problem for Obama is not so much that people might think he hates white people. It's that he's been running as "a different kind of candidate", and this speech could counteract that little image. Why? First off, he proved he would do anything to win this race by trashing his grandmother (the woman who took him in after his father abandoned him and his mother left the country) as being just as racist as Wright. Because she was supposedly afraid she might get mugged by a black man. Which she was right about. She just didn't know the mugging would be verbal and by her grandson.

Still, the worst thing for Obama is that he came out as a liar. Sure, Hillary Clinton lies all the time, but that's pathological. Not only do we know she lies, but we expect it. Besides, she doesn't claim to be something new and special. Oprah said something to the affect that Obama won't just tell the truth, he knows how to be the truth. No, he's a friggin' liar. First he said that he didn't hear Wright's "controversial" sermons. Then in his speech, he admitted that he had. Then he said he disagreed with them, but he stayed because Wright was like a family member who you can't disown. Yet, he was perfectly willing to bring his young children to listen to those sermons that he says he condemns. Then later, he goes so far as to say he would have left if Wright wasn't retiring. Really? After 20 years, he's finally almost maybe had enough. Next thing you know, they're going to find out Obama is doing other things "typical politicians" do like trying to exploit government treasury for personal gain, stretch the truth on political donors, lie about how color blind his campaign is or get involved in a shady land deal.

Besides, Obama can't bowl. He recently rolled a 37 which was the worst bowling performance I've seen in at least the past two weeks. Gotta admit that it was pretty funny to see how many people defended his performance by pointing out that bowling is a white guys' thing which is odd because I've been a league bowler for years and there are many blacks in the bowling leagues. I just can't believe his handlers were that stupid. If you're going to do a photo-op at a bowling alley, doesn't it make sense to make sure he knows how to bowl even a little bit?

When I go, this is how I want my funeral to be. With a stripper.

Postmen can be such wussies. Some Wisconsin postal carriers are running into a problem where wild turkeys are trying to mate with them. They're fighting them off with squirt guns which is surprising since assault rifles are usually the choice of arms for postmen.

At least they don't have to fool with cobras. Some idiot in South Africa was bitten by a Cape cobra which is the third time he's been bitten by a highly venomous snake. He seems to be oblivious to the fact that having poisonous snakes living in your bedroom might lead to bad things. He probably dates hookers and wonders why his junk is burning.

I'm glad some student is doing something useful in college.

Ah, sibling love. A Santa Fe man was trading his sister to his drug dealer to pay off his heroin debt. I would write more, but I'm off to get some smack.

News Of The Week

Always nice to see an 80s icon (a term I'm using loosely) make a comeback. Somehow Rick Astley has become a popular internet attraction as people engage in RickRolling which I originally assumed was some perverted sex act involving Ricky Martin. However, it seems to be sending a prank link that leads unsuspecting porn surfers to his video so that new generations can ask the same question that people of the 80s did 20 years ago when they first viewed it. "That guy is white?". After reading how two of his three albums ("Greatest Hits" and "Platinum & Gold Collection") are still in print, my question is how do you do two greatest hits albums when you only had one hit?

The latest political sex scandal deals with a Michigan Senator's husband who got caught in a prostitution sting. I was pretty indifferent until I read the part that he paid $150 and left after 15 minutes. Let this be a lesson for you. If you visit a hooker at a hotel, the police may be videotaping. So just hang out with the hooker so that people won't think you're a quick shooter.

I wandered across this blog entry about Mexican Emo fans being beat up by metalheads, punk rockers and rockabilly boys down south of the boarder. I'm not sure if my first thought was "There's rockabilly boys in Mexico?" or if it was "What the Hell is Emo?".

The latest clash between Western culture and Islamic life was a Dutch film called Fitna which seems to indicate that Islam causes followers to engage in violence. I think the best part was the Dutch government saying that you can't equate Islam and violence. And yet, they didn't want the video released because it might lead to things like violence from Muslims. Gee, threats of violence from Muslims angry that you might think they're violent. I'm actually surprised that this became news. It's pretty routine.

As always, Muslims demand respect for their religion while being totally oblivious to the fact that Islamic countries are the worst offenders of religious discrimination. Malaysia keeps locking up a woman up for joining a sect that worships tea pots (Malaysia also likes to demolish Hindu temples and confiscate Bibles). Remember. Malaysia is considered one of the most moderate Muslim nations.

Contrast that with Austria. A Catholic museum did an art display of some kook who liked painting things such as the last supper showing how Jesus and the Apostles masturbated each other. The idiot director says the point of the display was to "provoke a debate". Exactly what are we supposed to be debating? I must have missed all the theological discussions over whether Jesus enjoyed a good, old fashioned circle jerk after Passover meals. Showing idiocy is contagious, the reporter tried to make a connection between protests over this display and those by Muslims over Fitna or the Muhammad comics. Except of course, this protest seems to be missing the death threats, acts of violence, property damage or calls to break off diplomatic relations. In fact, most of the anger seems to be over the fact that a Catholic Church runs the museum. So, yeah. The situation is very similar. Much like the invasion of Panama is exactly like the invasion of Normandy.

Sure, it's not the same thing as a woman going in for a leg operation and getting a new anus, but we get another case of a German patient not getting what she wanted. A woman lost a lot of weight and went in to get her skin tightened. The doctor did so by putting in breast implants. I'm sure her husband is furious.

Here's a fun story. Man "surfs" on top of his minivan until it wrecks and flings him into the woods. He then strips off all his clothes and runs down the road with his guts hanging out while ignoring three jolts from a taser. I want to party with that guy.

Ah, the Olympics. I've never been a big believer of the "Olympic Myth" that it's some kind of pure event that's above politics. It's always been political. If it wasn't, the best athletes period would be there instead of being there as national representatives. So, I find it really funny to see the Olympic committee squirm while the Olympic torch gets protested while going through Europe. Granted, I'm not a proponent of people destroying property or attacking others during a protest, but it was pretty funny to see someone chasing the torch with a fire extinguisher. In China's defense, they've been subjugating Tibetans (and pretty much all Chinese for that matter) for almost 60 years without much complaint. How could they know that it would suddenly be a problem? Actually, the Olympic committee has only themselves to blame. You gave the Olympics to a totalitarian regime that has an abysmal record on human rights, constantly threatens its neighbor (an actual democracy), enabled genocide in the Sudan, used the games as an excuse to arrest dissidents and puts lead in all its export products. And it freely admits that it wanted the Olympics to show its political and economic power. Which is the same reason the Germans wanted the 1936 Olympics, and that worked so well. How could the Olympic committee not have seen there might be a problem?

So, the Clintons have made $109 million since Bill left office in 2001. Kind of makes you take Hillary with a giant grain of salt whenever she bitches about someone else's greed.

More proof why Johnny can't read. His school administrators are stupid. An 8 year old was suspended for sniffing a Sharpie. This was in spite of the fact that they were told you cannot get high from huffing Sharpies. When retarded people are running the schools, what chance do the kids have?

And finally, in news that is just plain weird, a man received a heart transplant from some dude who shot himself. Man meets the decedent's wife. Marries her. And eventually shoots himself. I wonder if the wife is taking this personally?

The Keeneland Spring Meet

I think I've mentioned before how much I like Keeneland. It's got it all. Gambling. Cold Beer. Really good beef franks at the concession stands. Degenerate gamblers in their wives' housecoats who are betting away the rent money (which makes me feel better about myself). Oh, and women in revealing outfits no matter how cold it is. Opening day was chilly, rainy and windy, but the women were not going to wear a coat to cover up what they were wearing. Sadly, the weather meant the crowd was one of the worst opening days I've ever seen. Hell, it was worse than some Wednesday I've been to. So, the number of women in skimpy clothing was down, but not their desire to show a lot of themselves, God bless them.

Actually, I find a lot of the attire to be quite amusing. Unless I've gotten a ticket in one of the dining rooms, I'm not wearing anything different. Blue jeans, button down shirt (need the pocket to hold my tickets), sneakers (I'm on my feet all day, I will be comfortable) and possibly a ballcap if it's sunny or raining. Then I look at others. Women in very expensive dresses who are also wearing flip-flops (and yes, a friend had to point this out to me because my gaze rarely goes that far down). Very common on college scholarship day. Not so much on Military Day. Then, there are the college men who like to wear their Sunday finest. With sneakers. And quite often a cigar because they think it makes them look like a Big Shot rather than a homeless bum. And the cigar usually shows their lack on knowledge on the varying quality of cigars because it smells like they are smoking a turpentine soaked synthetic rope. And finally, there is the poor sap who wears a three piece suit on a very warm day. And then finds himself in line behind the degenerate gambler in his wife's housecoat whose hasn't bathed in a week. Bet he's never felt more high class.

Still, it's the racing. Well, except for the 17th when they bring the steeplechase crap out there. Or on Blue Grass Stakes day when it gets really crowded and my claustrophobia kicks in causing me to push little kids over the rail. Really, I wish they would do what Hollywood Park does and begin Friday's racing in the evening. I would go every Friday and not have to use vacation time. Instead, I have to take two half days because I want to go to opening day and the Maker's Mark Mile. It's probably a good thing that I'm too lazy to wait in line for a Maker's Mark Keeneland bottle or I'd have to use a full day to get it signed. Or maybe not since this year it's a commemorative Joe B. Hall bottle. Which is a step up from the last two which commemorated Rupp's Runts and The Unforgettables. With all the championship team's in UK's history, it seems a little strange to me that you would commemorate two teams that didn't win it all. In the case of The Unforgettables, they didn't even make the Final Four. In the case of Rupp's Runts, their loss to Texas Western led to UK (fairly or not) being labeled a bastion of racism.

Still, it's the racing. Okay, I like to watch horses race, but it wouldn't be as much fun without the gambling. Ironically, this past weekend was one of my best ever as I'm up almost $600 from Friday and Saturday alone (don't ask for a loan, I'm sure I'll lose it back before the end of the meet), and yet, it proved again that you're never going to win at this game. Over half of my winnings came from one $4 bet. I'm looking at race one and think the #11 horse is a monster who should win, but he's going off at even odds. Those suck, so I'll throw a couple of bucks on the #9 horse who looks decent (he wasn't). Hey, my grandmother's favorite jockey (they used to live in the same apartment complex in Louisville) is riding the #12 horse who is long odds at 15-1. His history says he'll go to the front, but won't hold the lead. Still, he might hold up for third so I throw a show bet on him in case he hits the board. Now, I like to do a Daily Double (for novices, that's picking the winner of the first two races), so I quickly look up a horse in the second race and pick a horse that's not the favorite but looks to have a pretty good shot. I do a $2 bet with the #9 and #12 (as a complete afterthought) from race one over the #5 from race two (2 horses in race one means the ticket cost me $4). Then during the race one post parade I begin getting second thoughts about the #5 horse in race two and the #9 looks like crap on his way to the gate, but it's too late to change. So, I'm stuck with a ticket that I don't think has a chance in Hell of winning.

How does it play out? In race one, the #12 gets the lead (as I expected), but I doubt he can hang on. The #9 might as well have stayed in the damned barn. As they come down the stretch, the favored #11 is coming on the outside and the #3 is running a monster race and coming on the inside. I'm just hoping to collect the show bet. The jockey on the #3 screws up by whipping the horse on his left side causing his horse to go wacky (seriously, this horse looked drunk). The #3 bolts to his right plowing into the #11 who he's knocks the Hell out of twice. The #11 doesn't want to keep running, but the #3 rights himself and runs down the #12 to win. Or did he? They have these rules in horse racing. You can't plow into other horses. So, the #3 is disqualified giving the #12 the win. The #12 couldn't beat the #3 even after the #3 had two collisions. The #12 probably couldn't hold off the #11 without the collisions. Got all that? I've got a Daily Double ticket with a 15-1 shot on top of what is becoming a 10-1 shot in the second race. And I'm not that happy, because I really don't like the #5 horse in the second race. Until he wins. That $4 ticket pays out $341 dollars.

I won $341 only because my grandmother's former neighbor was riding a horse that lost to a DQed horse that took out the favorite which was then followed by a horse winning that I may not have picked if I had more time to handicap the race. And yes, if you're ever talking horse racing with me, that story will probably come up. Contrast it with my friend who had $100 on a horse in another race. He did his due diligence and knew he had the best horse which finished first. It was disqualified for squeezing in on a horse that was fading. Sometimes you just can't beat this game.

News Of The Week

Stupid Tarheels. I think I heard a rumor that Tyler Hansbrough is gay. I don't know if I'm to the level of UK fans where I will still be spreading this rumor 16 years from now, but I think I'll keep it going to the end of the week.

Weird coincidence. Both the UL men and women's teams were eliminated by North Carolina on Saturday. While not on the same day (nor in the NCAA tournament in the women's case), both the UK men and women's teams were eliminated from postseason play by Marquette.

Proving that some stories never die, it was reported that Girls Gone Wild owner, Joe Francis, had offered Eliot Spitzer's whore a million bucks to be in his magazine (clothed, so what was the point?). But then he found out that he already has footage of her as she didn't just flash her boobies, but spent a week on their bus doing other chicks. And signed a waiver, so no money although there are reports that she may have been 17 at the time. Which feeds into a point National Review made about terminology this week. Should we really consider this girl a "high class" prostitute instead of what she really is - expensive? They pointed out she was just a 22 year old girl with relationship problems and a career in music going nowhere. Well, if she was hopping on the Girls Gone Wild bus the week she turned 18, it sounds like Spitzer was paying thousands of dollars for sex with the high school tramp. I bet he's happy to find out that four years ago, he could have had her for free with McDonald's and rum.

The other interesting thing that came out of the Spitzer resignation was the reopening of the debate over legalizing prostitution. I want to know why this debate only comes up when someone rich or powerful gets caught with a hooker. When some guy living in Cardinal Valley wanders into a West Chase apartment to get out of the rain just as the vice squad happens to be making a bust there, no one picks that time to bring up the debate.

I think it should be legalized, but there will always be cases where it will still be illegal. Like when a 13 year old girl becomes a pimp for her friends. She was running them through a Dallas nightclub where they also danced. In fact a six grader was found dancing there. In a development to make the story even more pathetic for the city of Dallas, law enforcement cannot shut the place down just because a preteen was hired to show her knockers (probably couldn't do too much shaking at that age) for a bunch of perverts. The business denies knowing she was only 12 which is still being investigated by cops. In fact, they were "shocked and startled" to learn it. Sure, I can't tell ages worth a crap, but I'm pretty sure I could tell if a girl is 12. What gets me is that a naked 12 year old dancing on their stage isn't grounds to close the joint. If that isn't good enough, what does a club have to do to lose their license? Human sacrifice?

Now, the Italians have found the proper use of teenagers. Make them swim with piranha or toss some snakes on them in a circus. I guess we should be happy that it only took a few months for someone to figure something wasn't right and call the cops.

Speaking of "shocked", rumor out of England is that Madonna wants to remake Casablanca. And play the lead female role which was a 20 something character. And she wants to set it in Iraq. I guess the Nazis will be replaced by the American army. This is wrong on so many levels. For one, there's already been a remake of Casablanca. Well, an homage. Actually, a poor ripoff of the plot. Believe it or not, Barbed Wire is the same story with lousy acting. However, unlike the rumored Madonna version, Barbed Wire had something going for it. Pamela Anderson was in her prime, so I wanted to see her naked. Madonna at 50? Not so much. Secondly, Anderson wasn't much of an actress, but Madonna is absolutely atrocious.

I just want to say for the record that I was not on a flight to LA in April.

People wonder why I don't see a doctor. This is what can happen. Go in for a leg operation and come out with a new anus. I'm not saying I don't need a new anus, but I do things on my on schedule.

When asked how gay Mick Jagger was at his gayest, Keith Richards responds, "It was camp.....I really have no idea if anyone ever shoved it up the shitter." This is exactly why Richards is the greatest rock star of time.

In the category of "Worst Excuse Of All Time", a man convicted of trying to pick up boys online decided to plead extenuating circumstances. He was molested as a child himself. By Bigfoot.

The wonderful effects of the welfare state. In England, three generations of a family are all on the public dole. And don't feel bad about it at all. I think the operative line was "it's my right to claim benefits. We're entitled to do what we want in life." It's not your right. It's retarded government policy you worthless lowlife bastard. The welfare people should throw him out on his ass. Maybe that's why Heather Mills thought she deserved $250 million for four years with Paul McCartney. She did walk away with $48 million which means she earned about $12 million for each year. Talk about your high priced whore.

And finally, Sarah Jessica Parker is pissed off that Maxim readers voted her "unsexiest woman alive". Although in her defense, the category only seemed to include celebrities, so they weren't saying she was less sexy than your run of the mill 50 year old bag lady. Of course, they weren't denying it either. Frankly, I've never found her that attractive. She got the image of a sex symbol from that Sex And The City show, but why should I take anything from that? The show was only watched by women and men whose girlfriends/wives made them watch it. And closeted homosexuals. The best part of the part of the article was the news that Matthew Broderick was also angry because "it has to do with his judgment too." So, he's not mad because his wife's feelings are hurt. He's angry because people think he dates ugly chicks.

NCAA First Round Recap

I'm sure the pundit types will be salivating over the Tampa games. Two 12 and 13 seeds advanced. Outside of that tournament site, there weren't too many upsets. Day one took until Kansas State beat USC before a lower seed won, and 9 seed Texas A&M over 8 seed BYU was the only other (sorta) upset on Thursday. Actually, since I don't count 9s over 8s to be upsets, there was only one upset on Friday not in Tampa. That was 10 seeded Davidson over 7 seed Gonzaga. So, in two days, there were six true upsets. Two outside of Tampa. Of course, the city of Tampa had a wealth of upsets waiting to happen. The Buccaneers went 20 years without using up any.

With so few upsets, the South region had no lower seed advance to the second round. The East had 9 seed Arkansas. That doesn't mean it was easy for higher seeds. Duke needed to score with 13 seconds and sweat out a Belmont final possession to get their win. Tennessee was only up 2 with five minutes left. Xavier struggled the whole game with Georgia. Mississippi Valley almost scored 30 points against UCLA.

I think Joe Crawford may have made some money with his huge game against Marquette. Some were criticizing UK for not having more players contribute to the scoring. But when Crawford is shooting 60% from both the field and the three point line, do you really want Michael Porter taking a bunch of shots? And having Crawford score 35 points certainly helped UK make the loss respectable. Sadly for UK fans, Crawford is gone next year and their team has sunk to the level of being happy with a "respectable loss" in the first round of the NCAA tournament.

In a related note, Crawford outscored Mississippi Valley by six points. Just glancing down down a list of high scorers for games, he was one of eight players in the tournament to outscore Mississippi Valley. How did they not get put in the play-in game? Also, think about that performance when people say the tournament should be expanded to 128 teams. How many more crappy teams do we want sullying the tournament with their presence?

Another Kentucky team not only pulled off a big win, but had the best replay of the first round. Western Kentucky's Ty Rogers hits a 26 foot three pointer as the clock expires in overtime for the win. This was one of those games that make me consider skipping tournament pools every year. Since Western is a local team, I want them to do well, but their win blows up my bracket. So, as I'm sitting in the conference room at work watching the end of the game (and not doing any work), I'm torn about how I want it to end. Actually, I was just happy it went into overtime so I could stay in the conference room longer.

Speaking of work, NCAAsports.com had a great a great little device. Every game was shown online for free. No telling how much bandwidth I was siphoning off my employer's network flipping between different games while "working". It even had a neat little device called the "Boss Button" which pulled a phony spreadsheet when clicked (although I still prefer the old Alt-Tab combo to switch pages). Unfortunately one guy at work got in trouble because his manager didn't believe he was doing any work. Why would a janitor be working on a spreadsheet?

I'm feeling pretty good about UL's chances in the tournament because the Big East is kicking ass, and UL finished second there. The Big East has seven teams in the second round with the only team to lose being UConn who lost in overtime after losing star player AJ Price to a knee injury nine minutes in. Even better, the only other Big East team to even play a close game was Villanova over Clemson and Nova was a 12 seed.

What was with the three point shooting? I couldn't believe how many teams weren't hitting their threes, but kept jacking them up. Drake lost to Western in overtime on a WKU 3 pointer, but they wouldn't have been in that position if Klayton Corver hadn't kept launching 30 foot shots when his team only needed a two. Ditto for Oregon who missed 29 out of 38 threes.

A Few Random Thoughts On The NCAAs

I wonder how local teams are going to do. In true NCAA fashion, instead of pairing one of the top mid-major teams, Drake, against a lower level BCS conference team, Drake plays Western Kentucky which should make Western one and done. Actually a lot of mid-majors (Gonzaga/Davidson, Butler/S Ala, UNLV/Kent St, ) are facing each other in the first round. It's almost like the NCAA was protecting BCS teams by making sure the number of mid-majors advancing in the first round was limited. Not that I would suspect ulterior motives. I still don't think UK has an NCAA resume (and I was overrating them the first time I mentioned it because I thought they had won at Miss St when in fact, they lost that one giving them no good road wins). Dayton's RPI was 25 places higher and they beat UL on the road for one more quality road win than UK, and UAB had a higher RPI and beat UK head to head. However, UK's in and they did get a nice first round matchup. Marquette doesn't have much inside which is how you hurt this UK team (too bad Stanford will probably be waiting in the second round with two 7 footers). Still, it is Marquette. While it only seems like UK is always losing to Marquette in the tournament, it's only been the last two times they met (and 4 of the last six).

Now Louisville is in an interesting situation. They face Boise State to open and then the winner of Oklahoma/St. Joseph. None of which scares me. Unless UL hits only 20% from long range and about half their free throws. Like they did their last two games. Then Boise State could win their first tournament game ever. Some Louisville fans are worried about Tennessee, but I'm almost more concerned about Butler who I think may take UT out. To begin with, UT doesn't do that well outside of the state of Tennessee. They struggled to put anyone away outside of Knoxville in the latter part of the season. Plus, their strength is perimeter while their weakness is teams who like to bang it inside. UL defends the perimeter and likes to bang inside. I think Butler may match up well with the Vols because they can work the shot clock and hit the three. That's the style UK used, and one that UT struggled with in both games.

Now, if UL gets past them into the Elite Eight, the most likely opponent is North Carolina. Easily. The only team in the top bracket I can see giving the Tarheels a game might be Washington State and that's only if they can get the tempo into a slow down game. Otherwise, North Carolina might be the most complete team out there. I actually think UL could match up well with Tyler Hansbrough except it's Tyler Hansbrough. David Padgett will foul out in mid-second half. Derrick Caracter will only clock five minutes before he fouls out. Terence Farley is still Terence Farley. Oh, and Hansbrough might finish with two fouls. Best game plan may be to have Caracter eat him. Literally.

So, who is going to win it all? Here's a way to narrow it down. Only teams that finish in the top 15 in the RPI ever win the NCAA tournament. So, those 15 are: Tenn, UNC, Memphis, UCLA, Texas, Duke, Kansas, Georgetown, Xavier, Drake, Wisconsin, Vandy, Louisville, Stanford and Pitt. We'll narrow it down by throwing Tennessee out since the number one team in RPI never wins the tournament, plus they're in the SEC and I wouldn't pick any SEC team to win it all this year. So, out goes Vandy too. I feel the same way about the Big 10 so see you Wisconsin. I would toss out Xavier because they're nickname came from a candy bar. Duke's overrated so they won't win it. The winner almost always is a 3 seed or higher. Toss Pitt and Drake. So, that narrows it down to 9. Pick one of those for the title. Unless you're in one of my pools. In that case, take UK. I saw a sports columnist who crunched a bunch of numbers (based on scoring and shooting percentages) and said only North Carolina and Kansas had the numbers to win it all. That's why I'm picking Memphis. Kansas chokes every year under Bill Self, and North Carolina just gives me the feeling of a team waiting to be knocked off.

Truly random thoughts:
It's a crock that North Carolina can make the Final Four without ever leaving the state of North Carolina. I realize that higher seeds are given a certain geographical advantage, but that's ridiculous.

Besides, how does UNC get that, and Memphis is put in a bracket with Texas when their possible Elite Eight matchup would be in Houston?

I know others have said it, but UCLA got a gift bracket. The highest seeds in this region are Duke (overrated), Xavier (come on), UCONN (can't win a grinder; perfect match for UCLA), Drake (come on again), and some other teams. This is the most solid Final Four pick.

How did the ACC have only four teams in the tournament if they had the highest conference RPI?

How did a rather weak SEC get six teams in?

Did Oral Roberts really have a brother named Anal or was that just an 80s punchline?

I saw another column that asked a rather intriguing question. Why is the play-in game in Dayton? I'm sure Dayton likes basketball, but I've never heard it called a hoops mecca. Besides, since you're already shafting two team by making them play this "extra" game, at least send them to Miami or some other tourist attraction.

Does anyone remember when Indiana looked like a top one or two seed?

Basketball and other stuff

Due to the Elliot Spitzer stuff, I've got a backlog of stuff to get on here. Plus I have a Filipino girl coming in on Monday, so who knows how much time I'll have after that.

First, I've always liked Championship Week in college basketball, mainly for the small conferences where it's win or don't get in. So, they fight damned near to the death to win their title. Plus, you get some big conference team with no shot of making the tournament suddenly making a run for their conference's automatic bid. Sure, some conferences have a 1 versus 2 seed matchup (like boring ass Big 12 and PAC-10), but others add excitement. Then there is the SEC. Who expected Arkansas to be playing Georgia in the SEC finals? Georgia wins four SEC games all year, and now they've won three in the SEC tournament. Two of which they won on the same day due to some weather thing going on in Atlanta. Which brings me to the main point. I blame the whole SEC tournament fiasco on Atlanta. If Atlanta wants to host a major tournament, figure out how to keep the tornadoes out of downtown. Maybe they should have asked Obama, because I'm sure he can control weather.

Oh, and before anyone asks, I don't think UK got jobbed at the end of the Georgia game. And it has nothing to do with whether or not I like UK. It's the fact that I hate that bush league play that Gillispie tried to run at the end where your inbounder runs the baseline to get the opposing player to follow so another guy can jump in front of him for a cheap charging foul. It's the basketball equivalent of sticking your arm over the plate in baseball to get hit by a pitch. Hell, Gillispie didn't even give himself a plausible argument that the second player was setting a screen to free up the inbounder, because there is no way that one of his best shooters, Ramel Bradley, would be the one to do it. Whenever I see that play run, I think the coach is unimaginative and unable to come up with a real play to run. Considering the next play was a pass thrown out of bound, I'm not surprised Gillispie tried the BS charge first. And before UK fans start screaming they got cheated, I'd like an explanation why someone was passing out tickets to random UK fans even though the venue was restricted to family and people affiliated with the school and each team got the same allotment, but UK fans seemed to have about 3 times as many fans (and well above the allotment).

Ironically, UK would have been better off if the SEC had canceled the rest of the tournament on Friday night and declared Tennessee the automatic bid for winning the regular season. I thought a couple of weeks ago that UK needed to take two of their last three (did it) games and win at least one in the tournament to make the NCAA tournament. Then I realized just how many mediocre teams are out there and figured they were probably in before the SEC tourney started. However, the local media and SEC commentators may think UK is a lock, but nationally the feeling is mixed. In fact, in most years, I would say UK doesn't deserve to get in. They did have a good SEC record, but that's as much a product of a down SEC as anything. Otherwise, UK had a horrible out-of-conference. Seven losses including some really bad ones. Their best OOC win was Tennessee State (a 6 seed in the OVC). Their best road win was either LSU or Alabama.

So, if the tournament was canceled, UK probably would have gotten in for sure on the basis that it wasn't their fault they didn't have a chance to beat Georgia. Then they lose to Georgia who make it worse by winning again. If Georgia can overcome the storm, the move to another arena and the stench Bobby Cremins Court gives off to win 3 games (2 in OT) in about 48 hours, how can UK say they were too inconvenienced (although I'm sure the claim is being made on CatsPause.com)? Plus, what if Georgia wins the SEC tournament? Arkansas was probably in even before they knocked off Tennessee. Tennessee, Vandy and Miss St (only because they won the SEC West) were also locks. As I said, the SEC was down. Could Georgia take UK's at large bid? My guess is no, but if I was a UK fan, I would be rooting for Arkansas to beat Georgia and probably Wisconsin to take out Illinois. Plus, I would be living in a trailer with goats running in the yard.

On to other stories. I think it's pretty obvious that I have no problem with commenting on a woman's breasts, no matter how crude that may seem. However, if I was a teacher in a middle school, I think I could refrain from telling a 13 year old girl that she had "nice perky tits." She's 13. How perky could they be...........I mean, that's entirely inappropriate behavior.

In this story, a couple left their child in the truck for a couple of hours while they were drinking in a bar. I'm not going to excuse their behavior. They certainly could have brought some chicken strips out for her. What gets me is that the story insists that she "was locked in the truck." Granted, her parents seem to be low IQ, so the girl may not be very smart, but she's 8 years old. I think she could unlock a truck from the inside.

Lisa Marie Presley is suing some British newspaper for calling her fat when in fact she is pregnant. Which makes her fat. Not sure where this case is going. As a fat person, I'm not sure you can sue for being called fat when you are actually fat. Plus, most suits like this are because your reputation has been defamed. Considering her marriage to Michael Jackson, that horse is already out of the barn.

It's always sad when a family-owned business has to close its doors because it can no longer compete. Of course, if this whorehouse had been in New York instead of Germany, Elliot Spitzer may have kept it open by himself.

In Spitzer's defense, at least his sex scandal hasn't involved someone dead. I don't know about you, but I've always expected better government out of Detroit than what they are getting.

This story was apparently about abortion rights in England, but I couldn't get past the beginning where a deaf couple is bound and determined to have deaf children because they "are proud, not of the medical aspect of deafness, but of the language we use and the community we live in." These people aren't just deaf. They're retarded. What kind of sick bastards would intentionally want children who are deaf? Let's get past the PC crap. Being deaf is not differently-abled. It's disabled. It's a handicap. You can't hear. Do you know anyone who can hear that thinks losing that ability would be just fine? Does anyone go to their doctor asking them to make them deaf so they will have a different ability? Someone needs to let these morons in on a little secret. Even if their child can hear, it can still use sign language with its parents. Good God. How can someone become so identified with their handicap that they would wish it upon their kids? Are amputees going to start hacking off their children's limbs? Here's an idea. Let's remove the eyes of these dumbdicks so that they can be differently-abled with blindness. Friggin' morons.

The question posed in the deaf retard article was whether the state should try to stop them from having deaf children. I think their level of stupidity means they should be stopped from having any kids. However, in Germany, some guy keeps going to jail because he won't stop nailing his sister. I won't dwell too much on the fact that he keeps going to jail, but she doesn't. The question here is whether we are open minded enough to allow someone to bump nasties with their sister. I say sure if their sister is hot. Granted, I don't have a sister, so the mere thought of sibling sex leads to indifference rather than repugnance (plus I'm a degenerate). Actually, the point of anti-incest laws isn't based on squeamishness over family sex. It's because it can lead to birth defects in any children they have. Not sure if it's valid in this case. Two of the kids had developmental disability, but so did their mother. Yet, if laws are passed to stop two siblings from getting freaky out of the fear of messed up kids, why not stop idiots from intentionally having deaf children?

Normally, I fear chicks with guns. I figure at some point I may give them a reason to use the guns on me. However, when it comes to hot chicks in bikinis with automatic weapons, I'm willing to give it a shot. Not because I'm some kind of pervert, but because......okay, I'm some kind of pervert.

I didn't say it.

I don't watch reality shows. Most seem to be quite stupid, and I'm not sure how some of these people get their own reality show. I do know they exist because I watch The Soup which makes fun of them. Now, I was vaguely aware that OJ Simpson's dead lawyer Robert Kardashian had a daughter with a large ass. I was also aware a sex tape with her and some rapper had gotten out. I've seen it and as far as celebrity sex tapes go, it was one of the worst. I don't know if that big ass was weighing her down, but a little movement would have been nice. But I digress. I was vaguely aware that some channel decided that a reality show revolving around the daughter and her family would be a good idea. However, it wasn't until I saw a clip of the show on The Soup did I realize that Bruce Jenner is on Keeping Up With The Kardashians (through marriage to someone). WTF? Bruce, you were an American hero after winning gold in the 1976 Olympic Decathlon. Now you're doing a reality show based around your step-daughter who became famous for her big ass and sex tape?

An Update And More

Well, I didn't have to wait for a Playboy spread or trial to find out what Elliot Spitzer's call girl looked like. Although I would still like to have a trial so we can get her testimony about what kind of kink Spitzer was into. In the interest of justice, I think we have the right to know. As for knowing what she looked like, that's been taken care of (the real value of MySpace) once her identity became known. Looking at the pics from her MySpace page, she's certainly an attractive girl. Nice rack. I could see paying her for sex. I just can't see paying as much as Spitzer did for it.

Wait a second. It just hit me. His last name is Spitzer. Wonder if he has any relatives in the south.

Anyway, I thought it was funny that the Unhappy Hooker was worried people would think she was a "monster". Not exactly the term I was thinking. I shouldn't be too hard on her. At least she wasn't supporting a drug habit. She was supporting a singing habit. Which is apparently taking off. Which is rather sad when you think about it. I've used phrases along the line of "girl who brought down the governor", but that really isn't true. Elliot's little head is what brought him down. It wasn't like he specifically asked for her. He couldn't even remember what she looked like. She just happened to be next in the queue when Spitzer needed a little love down in DC. Apparently, she's going to make some cash out of it though. Good luck to parents of teenage daughters now that prostitution is a legitimate career move.

Anyway, on to other things. I think we should push for the Ukraine to join NATO if for no other reason than to piss off Putin. But even without it, I really think we should establish closer ties to certain parts of their military.

Okay. The British have now won an award for being embarrassingly stupid. They are testing padded lampposts on certain streets. Why? Too many Brits have been walking into them while text messaging on their phone. I think we should make the lampposts harder. People who can't force themselves to walk down the street without sending a text message shouldn't be reproducing.

What's the old saying? The family that enslaves together stays together? A class-act mother-son combo in Houston apparently bought a Mexican teenager, locked her in a room and whored her out at their little club. I bet she wasn't making $2600 a trick.

I thought this was a pretty funny story. Some actress I've never really heard of never who just won an Oscar for a movie I've never heard of has made news because she's a "Truther" who thinks the United States destroyed the World Trade Center themselves. Although I've got to give her credit for originality. She thinks it was done because it would cost too much money to upgrade the interior so we destroyed it in a fake terror attack. And maybe we're hiding the files on the fake moon landing there too. Some were concerned she might have hurt her standing in Hollywood. Right. Accusing George Bush of mass murder would never fly in the film industry. She's joining other entertainment luminaries who aren't fooled by the official story. Like noted intellectual Charlie Sheen who certainly hasn't clouded his judgment with massive amounts of drugs and possibly syphilis. Or structural engineer Willie Nelson who probably doesn't have syphilis. Or material scientist Rosie O'Donnell who offered such damning evidence of a conspiracy as "I do believe that it's the first time fire has melted steel." Until then, I thought steel I-beams were formed at a foundry. I guess they are grown in fields. Sure, Bush may have fooled Bill Clinton, but he won't fool these geniuses. Sure, people with actual intelligence have claimed to have debunked those theories, but that's right wing publications like Popular Mechanics and neocon organizations like Purdue University.

When I first read the story about a woman spending two years in the bathroom, I assumed she was just getting ready to go out. Or eaten at Taco Tico. But then I find out she just didn't want to leave. What kind of toilet seat did they have if it was comfortable enough to sleep on? Great quote from the sheriff. "This truly is a case of two people, in my opinion, with diminished mental capacity." You think?

Ah, Europe. An Italian court has ruled that it's legal for a woman to lie to police about adultery because she needs to protect her honor. How much honor does a lying slut really have?

It was nice of Louisville to have that little 15-2 streak late in the season. It made me realize they have the talent to contend for the Final Four. Too bad their three point shooting (8 for 37) in their past two games (both losses) have shown me they could also lose in the first round.

The Democratic Party is struggling with what to do about the Florida and Michigan delegates that they banned for moving their primaries up too early. Gee, I wonder why no one thought this problem would occur? I thought it stupid in August to discount that many votes out of deference to Iowa. I think it's stupid now. But there are other reasons. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the Florida parties that moved the date. It was the state, and I think in that case the state should be superseding the party. After all, with a primary, the state is footing the bill. Why shouldn't they be able to pick the date? Of course, there is something I like about this whole situation. Florida has a Republican governor and legislature. So, the Democratic Party is punishing Democratic voters in Florida for the actions of Republicans.

I guess when people picked Mary Ann in the old "Ginger or Mary Ann" debate, they knew she was really the party girl. She's 69 years old and gets busted for driving while high. It never fails to amaze me. Couldn't she wait until she got home to light up? Actually, her attorney says she wasn't high. In fact, he says "a friend" had left the pot in her car after using it that day. Granted, that probably wouldn't explain why there were four half smoked joints and the smell of marijuana in the car that much later in the day. Or maybe it would. I don't know how much pot one person might smoke while running an errand or how long the stench would last. Of course, that still doesn't explain why she failed a field sobriety test. Or why her original excuse was that she was giving a ride to three hitchhikers who started smoking "something" before she threw them out. But apparently kept their weed as punishment. I think she should have stuck with this story. It worked for me when the cops found that dead stripper in the back of my car and I told them some hitchhikers must have left her there.

In a hooker story unrelated to the politics of New York, a woman was arrested for fondling an undercover officer. To be honest, this is just a run of the mill prostitution story (who among us hasn't been in legal trouble for inappropriate fondling?), but there was a twist. She had her kids in the next room. I guess it was Bring Your Kid To Work Day.

There's a gnome roaming loose in Argentina. And those pussies are scared. It's a friggin gnome. Why didn't they try to catch it? As far as I know, there are no living gnomes in captivity. Well, other than Bridget The Midget.

Story Of The Week

And probably the month. Unless a 16 seed beats a 1 seed in the NCAA tournament. That would be a bigger story than the (as yet potential) resignation of the governor of New York for visiting hookers. A 16 seed has never beaten a 1, but governors have resigned in disgrace before. What I find a bit unfortunate is that the original headlines said Elliot Spitzer was "involved" with a prostitution ring. That almost made it sound like he was a pimp. That would have been funny. What's sad is that I know the reason Elliot Spitzer is waiting to announce his resignation (trying to cut a deal with the feds on the assumption they'll lessen the charges if he quits), but it would not surpise me in the least if he decided that he wants to wait it out and doesn't resign.

Mainly because Spitzer is an arrogant horse's ass. It's laughable to me that so many people viewed him as some crusader against corruption. Sure, he "fought" corruption as Attorney General, but only if he could get headlines out of it. The AG's office was strictly there for the glory of Elliot Spitzer. For all the talk of Spitzer going after "Wall Street corruption", it was usually civil cases which are quite easy to win because major corporations will settle rather than fool with him. What happened when he tried to go the criminal route (which is actually the route an AG should be taking)? He lost big time. Of course, he already had his headlines which is what he wanted. Really, why was a state attorney general trying to prosecute what is essentially a federal crime regulated by the SEC?

Of course, why is a state attorney general investigating the compensation package of a corporation? He makes the news. Of course, some might think the way he goes about it is quite unethical. It was his typical modus operandi. Find a target. Make accusations to smear that person. Don't actually prosecute because you don't really have much of a case. Use this type of behavior to prove what a "crusader against corruption" that you are. Oh, if someone thinks you're overreaching and says so, call them up and threaten them. This guy wasn't just out to make a case. He wanted to destroy his target. Apparently abusing your office (and wasting taxpayer money to build your profile) is good enough to get you elected governor in New York.

Which is why he probably thought he could get away with this. The first thing "Mr Clean" did when he became governor was try to use the state police to dig up dirt on a political rival in the Senate. The fact that he'd never been called to account for his own corrupt behavior certainly added to his arrogant belief that he could get away with anything. After all, he got caught because of suspicious banking activity on his part, not because the feds were staking out some whores. As a former AG and District Attorney, you might think he would know that cases come out of that type of behavior. Still, he not only was soliciting prostitutes. He was taking them across state lines, so he was knowingly breaking state and federal laws.

Some have already said he shouldn't resign "because it's just sex". Those people are morons. I don't even think prostitution should be illegal. If women want to make their body a commodity, have at it. I still think Spitzer should not only resign, but made to do a perp walk. It's not just the level of hypocrisy which is incredibly bad. Spitzer wasn't just a regular politician. His job was to go after law breakers. Not use their services. Spitzer didn't just go after corporate might-be criminals. He busted some prostitution rings. Yet, it's being reported that he's been paying for sex for several years. That means he was de facto protecting some at the expense of others. After all, how could he claim that he didn't know about the prostitution going on at the whorehouse he was visiting. I'm sure he was Shocked, Shocked that prostitution was taking place at the businesses providing his hookers. It could easily be worse. What's the chance that he spiked an investigation into one of the whore services he frequented? Would he take the chance of some hooker mentioning to the arresting officer that she's had paid sex with the AG?

But let's look beyond such silliness as public corruption. I wish I had the kind of money where I would transport a whore with me on a business trip. Give me $4300 to spend any way I want, and one of my last options would be to spend all of it on a couple of hours with a call girl. I don't care how good looking she is. Granted, unless the pixelated face is hiding something fugly, the pic of one of his past purchases shows Spitzer does have taste in contracted booty. Of course, as Elliot is finding out, getting caught makes it even more expensive. I hope this case goes to trial and Court TV is there. I really would like to know what the hooker who brought down the governor of our second largest case looks like (although if her real name ever comes out, Playboy could be in her future). Plus, one of the things caught on the wiretap was he wanted something that other of the "girls" didn't think was safe. If it went to trial, we could find out what it was. Heidi Fleiss thinks it's bareback anal sex.

And why do the wives always stand up with their philandering husbands? Typical of a sex scandal, there's Elliot's wife on stage with him so her humiliation can be seen by all. Of course, it's now come out that she's the one pushing him not to resign, so you have to wonder if this was one of those political marriages where the wife doesn't care if the husband plays around on the side as long as he doesn't get caught and screw things up for both of them. I fully expect to see her running for Senate in the future. Or she could have been tired of him asking to put his shwang in her backdoor and told him to find some place else to stick it. So he did.

News Of The Week

Got to love the Central Kentucky weather reporting. They damned near went into hysterics reporting that snow was coming to Lexington. There were people at work on Friday calling around to see how much snow was falling, and then leaving at lunch even though not much was falling locally, and in fact, the weather reports were predicting the bulk of the snow wouldn't come until late afternoon and go throughout the night. Not that I would pay that much attention until the snow really starts falling. I'd be a rich man if I had a buck for every time the snow belt landed just north of us (take that Ohio). This week the expectation was originally that Lexington would get a snow/ice mix. Then it turned to possibly 10" as Lexington gets hit with the worst snowstorm in 10 years. Then by Saturday morning, it's been downgraded to 3-5", pretty much what was on the ground and about where we finished. So, how did it compare to 1998? Well, here was Lexington just before noon today:
Not bad. I'm sure it was fun for the kiddies. I was out driving in it pretty easily. Or would have been if Mexicans were a little more used to driving in snow. Sideways is not the optimal way to drive down a hill. Then there was 1998:
Somewhere in this picture is my old pickup truck. Needless to say, I wasn't doing much driving for a couple of days. That year was the opposite of this year. We were only supposed to get a light dusting to maybe an inch or two. The weather people were off by almost a foot and a half.

Here's a video on how to turn a bottle of Coke (obviously not Pepsi which is so much less functional) into a crib sheet to cheat on a test. Now, I wasn't that interested in it until I saw the brand of printer they were using. Suddenly, my job seems to have a purpose.

Travesty of the week - Madonna is being inducted by Justin Timberlake into the Rock And Roll Hall of Fame. I guess Wham gets the call next year. Call me crazy, but I always assumed the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame would have rock and roll acts affiliated with it, not silly pop acts. I wonder what rock anthem by Madonna put her over the top? Who's That Girl? Vogue? I would ridicule Timberlake's discography, but I've made it my life's goal to not know what he sings. Even better, Iggy Pop will be doing a tribute. Pardon me while my head explodes. I've never been a big Iggy Pop fan, but recognized his influence on later punk and metal acts. However, unless he's using the act as a cover so he can burn the place down, he's lost any credibility with me for doing that show.

And Michelle Obama strikes again. As part of her stump speech, she apparently seems to think this country and its people in general suck. The country is "just downright mean." Nobody can get an education anymore. People are dying in the street because of the health care system. It's so bleak that only electing a half term Senator who has accomplished nothing politically is the only way to turn this horrible place called America into the Obamatopia that she knows it can be. Maybe that's not exactly what she said, but not far off. As I've said before, it's not that surprising to me to find what these left wingers think, but I've really got to question the strategy. There's this thing that happens after the party conventions called a "general election". That's where Obama has to get votes from non-liberal nutsacks. Apparently, Ms. Obama is unaware that a lot of people think this is a great country to live in. In fact, you might notice that a lot more people want to come to this country than are leaving. Hell, all the hack celebrities that declared they would leave America if Bush was elected are still here (For the record, I don't consider Pierre Salinger a celebrity).

But let's look at her specific arguments. I thought it was funny on a news show when some newsjerk made the comment that it seemed wrong to have white men criticize a black woman who says America sucks. Well, it's not. I don't give a crap who says anything like that, they deserve criticism. Anyone who makes the money she does and lives in a $1.6 million mansion is a either delusional or a hypocrite when she talks about people not being able to make it in this county. However, she makes it worse with her specifics. To begin with, she says education has gotten worse. It actually might have, but considering she's probably in the "more money for schools" lobby, I don't take her complaints seriously. After all, we spend increasing amounts of money every year for public schools to get those decreasing results. Still, that's not the worst part. Michelle Obama went to magnet schools before leaving for the Ivy League. I guess she figures she's so extra special that she can accomplish that, but "the commoners" can't. She also criticizes the American health care system. Someone want to remind me what field she works in? Oh right. PR for a hospital. Maybe health care wouldn't be so expensive if hospitals weren't paying 300 grand to people who don't provide health care services.

I'll save my respect for someone like Frank Buckles, the last doughboy still living. At 107. He also was a civilian POW of the Japanese during WWII. Even after surviving two world wars, he still seems to have a great appreciation for and pride in this country. This article was hard for me to write about. It's not often I find a West Virginian that I will not make fun of.

I've come to the conclusion that no intelligence at all is needed to be in the book publishing industry. The latest author to write a fictional biography was a young lady who wrote how she was raised as a gang-banging drug mule foster child. Look at her picture. Who could have possibly met this girl, read her book about her gang life and never had a single suspicion that it could be made up? I'm not saying it couldn't be true (wasn't The Jerk based on a true story), but when a lily-white girl shows up with stories about running drugs for the Bloods, don't you think a background check might be a good idea before you print up a bunch of copies? On the plus side, I may finally be able to get my biography published so the story of how I escaped from a Sri Lankan POW camp in 1976 can finally be told.

It's a little late in the news, but here's this week's story focused on boobs. A Japanese model had her conviction for allegedly breaking into some dudes house by busting a hole in a door overturned. Her argument was her boobs were too big for her to have fit through the hole. After some measuring (I really hope the judge did the measuring himself), the judge decided they were too big. Now, the photo in the story was obviously a stock picture, so in order to understand the story better and as a service to my loyal readers, I have found a picture of her. Yeah, she'd need a pretty good size hole to get through.

Good ole MSN.com. Always comes up with the lists some chick magazine comes up with to improve men. This time is the "Things A Man Should Never Do In The Company of a Woman". Some are obvious. A man shouldn't refer to his mom as his best friend in front of his guy buddies either (although he probably doesn't have many guy friends if his mom is his best friend). As for others, not so much. What's wrong with cleaning a gun? Women always complain men don't clean. Well, here he is cleaning. Women constantly refer to other women as "bitch, slut, tramp or whore". If they can say it, so can I. As for tugging on it. It's mine. I'll tug on it if I want. "Forget to carry cash". The obligatory "men are cash machine" reminder. And my favorite - don't "tip less than 20 percent". Sure, since they already expect the man to pay for everything, why not decide how much to tip too? I'm a good tipper, but I'll stick it to a bad server. I find the whole point rather ironic since the belief is rather strong in food service that women are much worse tippers than men.

Sad to see Patrick Swayze has pancreatic cancer. Hopefully his doctor is right and he won't be dead within five weeks like the National Enquirer wrote. I always liked Swayze. Ironically for movies other than the ones always cited in the stories about him, Dirty Dancing and Ghost. I prefer to remember The Outsiders, Uncommon Valor, Red Dawn, Road House among others. Interesting timing that this came out since Jeff Healey, who was also in Road House, recently passed away at 41. If Swayze does die, paranoids would probably blame a Road House curse. Which wouldn't work. Ben Gazzara is older than dirt, but still alive. Sam Elliott has looked older than dirt for years and he's alive. The only thing dead about Kelly Lynch is her career after being in Mr. Magoo.

Interesting case from Australia. A 16 year old girl was murdered by two roommates for being annoying. Then dumped her in a wheelbarrow in the backyard (criminal geniuses at work there). I think what gets me is that the two killers got 24 years for it. Let's see. Brutally beat and strangle a teenager to death. Make out over her dead body. Joke around during the trial. Yeah, 24 years is way too long for two such creatures to have to endure prison. At least it gave the headline writer a chance to come with "Sadistic Killer Lesbians Share Blood Lust" which sounds like a plot for a low grade horror movie. Of course, I thought all lesbians were sadistic killers. Or maybe that was all women. Or maybe just women I went out with. For some reason, a lot of them wished I was dead.

More News Of The Week

I'll start with the obligatory story about boobs. Fake boobs to be exact. I thought I did a piece about the website myfreeimplants.com, but I can't find where. Anyway, women with small-to-not-as-big-as-they-could-be breasts sign up. Men who have more money than sense, good taste or any sort of normal life (I signed up today) can join and use credits they buy to send notes to any of the girls they may have a hankering for. I guess I could question the ethics of this, but I don't really care. If girls want to engage in electronic phone sex to raise money to raise bra sizes, it's their dignity. I wonder what the over/under is how soon a lawsuit is issued because one of the "benefactors" tracks down the girl he paid for. Anyway, I only have two questions. First, calling the men "benefactors" makes it seem like a charitable donation, so is it tax deductible? Second, later in the article, a plastic surgeon mentioned a finance service where women can get loans to pay for breast augmentation. What do they use as collateral? Their expected earnings at the local strip club?

Here's a pathetic story. Some British soldiers were on a training mission to Norway where they got naked and made asses of themselves in a local bar. Now, the soldiers aren't the pathetic ones. Granted, urinating on another man is rather extreme behavior (at least outside of German adult cinema), but the pathetic ones were the Norwegian locals. Come on, people. You ancestors raped and pillaged all over Europe. Now, you're peeved that some British soldiers got a little wild? Pussies.

The Barak Obama campaign is looking like loads of fun. Not Barak, but his wife Michelle. She's a bad quote waiting to happen. Her first was that this election was the first time she had ever been proud of America. Barak says she misspoke, but she said it in two different speeches. The lack of pride in a country where she and her husband both received Ivy League education and had big paying jobs actually didn't bother me because I've become used to hard Left ideologue who are constantly ashamed of the country. So, that's par for the course. What gets me is the narcissism inherent in the statement. It's like the Obamas (and their rather creepy cult) honestly believe that the simple fact that he could be the presidential nominee is an earth shattering event that will change the world immensely. Elect Obaman and poverty will end on January 21. Terrorists will lay down their arms. Countries will disband their armies and live in peace. Global warming will end (actually that seems to be happening already; I guess his mere presence on the campaign trail is doing that). Arabs will love Jews. Dogs will lay with cats. I'll hit a four figure trifecta at Keeneland. We will all be living in a Utopia. I wonder what will happen on day two of the Obama administration.

I may be exaggerating, but I'm not sure that I am. This guy's campaign stops are like Benny Hinn revivals. For what? The guy preaches "HOPE" and "CHANGE". So what? All politicians preach the mindless platitudes of hope and change especially when they are running for a seat the other party holds. Granted, hope is an important requirement for Obama supporters since you're essentially backing someone with an undistinguished 8 year career as a state legislator followed by a undistinguished 3 year career in the US Senate. So, hope is paramount. And yes, Obama would be a change from George W. Bush. Of course, John McCain would be a change from Bush. But what change is Obama supposed to be bringing? He doesn't really have much of a record, but what he does have is pretty standard liberal Democratic theology. So, basically, there is no change from Al Gore to John Kerry to Barak Obama. I see no real difference between the policy beliefs of Obama and those of Hillary Clinton and John Edwards. So, why are women fainting at his shows.....er campaign stops? Because he gives a good speech (that he may or may not have written)? And he's black? This guy is supposed to be the big "UNITER" for the country. Yet, he's been labeled the "most pro-abortion presidential candidate ever." Whether you agree with his position or not, how likely is Obama going to unite with the sizable anti-abortion groups out there? In fact, the National Journal did an analysis of Senate voting records and found his to be the most liberal. So, why should I assume he can "unite" with anyone? That record tells me two things. He never crossed the aisle to work with Republicans. And he didn't really try. Unite my ass. At this point, he hasn't even united his own party.

Actually, the quote about pride in America by Michelle Obama didn't bother me as much as the speech where she said told the audience not get jobs in corporate America, but instead to take jobs in community service. Like she did. Oh, wait. She earns over $300K as a PR flack at a hospital. But she is right about "salaries respond". As soon as her husband was elected to the Senate, her salary went up a couple of hundred grand. So, take that low paying community service job and cross your fingers that your spouse will get elected to office and you'll get a raise commensurate with their level of influence. What a friggin' hypcrite.

Apparently, Eric Clapton has agreed to do a show in North Korea for raving psychotic and Daffy Duck fan Kim Jong-Il. It's always nice to see very wealthy rock stars suck up to a dictator whose people eat grass (among other things) to keep from starving. What a great idea. While the North Korean peons are grazing in the fields (or orphanages), let's put on a rock show for the Communist oligarchs. At least Clapton has yet given a verbal handjob to Kim Jong-Il like the retarded head of the NY Philharmonic who actually said "Music is a powerful language in which those of us who are humane and intelligent can speak to each other in defiance of political and cultural boundaries." I can't say much for that guy's intelligence (well, I can say plenty about his lack thereof), but at least Kim likes Daffy Duck. As for Kim being "humane", I guess executing fishermen who strayed over the border is "humane" if you do it quickly. To think, some people aren't concerned with North Korea having nukes. Well, I'm sure they'll stop their nuclear program after Barak Obama eats popcorn and watches Shrek with Kim. Heck, maybe if he watches the sequel with Kim, Obama can get them to stop killing fishermen.

Based on North Korea's system of punishment, I guess this Iranian should be happy he got off with four months in the slammer and some lashes. His crime was pretty extreme. After all, walking your dog in public is something civilized countries don't condone. If by "civilized" you mean theocratic countries run by nutsacks. And to think, some people aren't concerned about Iran having nukes. I'm sure they'll stop their nuclear program after Obama sprinkles the country with his magical pixie dust.

Obligatory female-teacher-in-tryst-with-student story. This one is pretty tame. A 27 year old teacher left the school she was teaching at because she got caught sending topless pics of herself to a 15 year old student. What I found funny about it was a note at the end saying a Facebook page had been set up wishing she was back. Well, duh. A lot of male students want teachers who are willing to send out pictures of their tatas.

With the NFL draft coming up, a writer for Yahoo decided to point out the absurdity of how much the number one picks makes over the number 10 pick when there is hardly a difference in talent level. I wonder if anyone else has ever griped about that. Like, say, right before last year's draft. Or the year before.

Movie Trivia - What movie from the 80s took a lot of the dialog verbatim from the 50s disaster flick Zero Hour?

I've long maintained that teenagers are inherently stupid. Unfortunately, we seem to raising batches of them that are inherently no damn good. The latest is finding out that a 16 year old girl plotted with her loser boyfriend and another couple to murder her whole family. The reason? Her parents were trying to keep them apart. So, the two guys went into her house and murdered her mother and two brothers (aged 8 and 13). They also shot her father several times, but he survived. Gee, I can't imagine why her parents thought it was a bad idea for her to be dating a psychopath. I am glad it happened in Texas, because those scumbags killed an 8 year old with a sword. They need to fry. Actually, after finding out the daughter was waiting in the car to pick them up and had sex with her boyfriend after he just killed most of her family, I'm sorry minors can't be executed anymore. This planet has no need for a sick bitch like that.

Cook County Illinois (home of Chicago) has now increased local sales taxes to the point that they now have one of the highest in the country at 10.75 percent. And they wanted more. What I like is the line that says Chicago should expect an extra $400 million every year. Wanna bet? There is an economic fallacy at work here. The assumption being that if you raise taxes on something, it will still be purchased in the same quantity. However, when you raise the price of something, people have a tendency to buy less or go elsewhere. That's why states are finding they aren't making as much money off their cigarette tax increases. Raise the price, more dirtbag smokers quit. Fewer cigarettes get sold. Yet, every time states increase their "sin" taxes, they budget the tax revenue as if cigarette sales won't decrease. Same situation here. Sure, most people aren't going to leave Cook County to shop to save a percent or two, but I bet people who live near the country line will. I bet a lot of people planning to buy a big ticket item will definitely consider it. It always amazes me that so many people expect the government to have a handle on the economy. Yet, they routinely vote in people who have no background in economics and generally seem clueless about simple economic principles.

Too bad. Brett Favre is retiring. For now. A lot of people think he might change his mind which wouldn't surprise me. He said he's mentally tired. Well, after the pounding NFL players take throughout the season, I'm sure most of them are tired after a season. It's certainly not outside the realm of possibility for Favre to feel better this summer and decide he wants to play again. Or he could decide a trip to the NFC Championship game is a good way to end a great career. Either way, he's been one of the most fun quarterbacks to watch.

I'm sure a lot of people who saw this article about a big dog adopting a baby goat thought how cute it was. However, I see through that dog's act. He knows that goat is going get bigger. That's when he's going to eat it.

Speaking of animals eating other animals, this was one of the wildest videos I've ever seen. A rabbit picks a fight with a rattlesnake. Then he chases it into a tree.