Belichick Still An Ass & Other News

Bill Belichick tried to impugn the credibility of former Patriots video assistant Matt Walsh after Walsh told some stories about his work to the NFL commissioner. Well, I don't know how reliable Walsh is in a lot of things, but I do know that Belichick has no credibility. It kind of shows when the commish flat out says he didn't believe Belichick's excuse that he didn't know it was against the rules to video opposing coaches (even though the rules are very concise on that point). Not to mention the fact that the NFL had sent a reminder letter to teams about illegal taping (most people assume it was directed at New England). One more thing in Walsh's favor is that he also accused the Patriots of allowing players on injured reserve to practice (also illegal) and low and behold, former Patriots' player Ross backed that allegation up. This is why I think Belichick is such an arrogant dick. He got caught cheating, and he has the nerve to question someone else's integrity?

Japan's customs service is a little embarrassed this month. It seems an officer decided to test his drug sniffing dog's abilities by putting $10K worth of weed in a random suitcase. The dog failed. And the officer couldn't remember where he left it (my guess is that it was his briefcase). Personally, I think it's just a ploy by the Japanese tourism industry to boost out of country visitors. A bunch of stoners are probably heading over right now in the hopes pot gets planted in their suitcase.

In another Memorial Day story, there is still one American World War I vet left alive. He looks awful good for 107. It seems pretty ironic. He apparently didn't face much combat in World War I, but he ended up being a prisoner of the Japanese during World War II because he was in the Philippines when they attacked. Considering the harsh treatment Japanese POWs faced, the fact that he's made it to 107 is impressive. Of course, he may have liked the medieval living conditions of a POW camp. After all, he did voluntarily move to West Virginia.

This was a shocking story. Absolutely shocking. A sports columnist actually criticized Danica Patrick's behavior at the Indy 500 when she was wrecked on pit road after touching wheels with driver Ryan Briscoe. She marched towards Briscoe's pit to do God only knows. I'm used to the suck-up columns like this one where he "loves Patrick's fire." Okay, douchebag, let me point out two things to you. First, Briscoe's crew was working on his car in the pit, and it's generally not considered safe to walk through the pit boxes during a race (as Patrick should know after running over someone in practice) so she's in the friggin' way. Second, what was she really going to do when she got there? Take a swing at him? To tell the truth, I wouldn't be surprised if she did. She knows full and well no driver is going to hit her back so it wouldn't take much guts to do it. It wouldn't be the first time Patrick's used her lack of external genitalia as a shield. Hopefully, this episode will make people realize that she's a petty little bitch and it gets on my nerves that she has a sanctified status. I really wish Sarah Fisher or Milka Duno would get on a better team and surpass Patrick so maybe people would ignore her.

Here's another reason I think the IRL is stupid. Ryan Hunter-Reay was named Rookie of the Year. Not for the series. For the Indy 500. What kind of stupid contest names the top rookie finisher of one race "Rookie of the Year"? It should be the top rookie of the entire season. As I mentioned before, Tony George controls American open wheel racing because he controls the Indy 500, but it also highlights the flaws in the IRL. Everything revolves around the Indy 500. Nobody cares about the other races.

Stripper story which I know everyone was waiting for. A stripper in Alabama is suing her former (I assume) employer for her drunk driving wreck. She says they encourage the "ladies" to get customers to buy them drinks to boost sales. It sounds like she just couldn't hold her liquor. The encouragement was supposedly getting a cut of the liquor sales. Well, getting a cut of all drinks sold is one thing, but how much could she have been getting per drink. Even if she got 10 drinks bought for her, the cut for those 10 probably wasn't that much. She would have probably been better off just pushing the drinks on the customer and not drinking herself. That was her business decision. I just hate these kind of stories. How can you write a stripper story and not have a picture of her? How do I know if she was worth buying a drink for?

In another NFL story, the 2012 Super Bowl has been announced for Indianapolis which means some sportswriting moron has to trash the mere thought of the Super Bowl not being in a more fun place. My response to Gene pretty much ends with "and the horse you rode in on." Whining about the cold is ridiculous because it's in a dome. And besides, I think it's crap that the Super Bowl is restricted to warm weather sites or domes. To begin with, weather is part of the game. What are they? A bunch of pansies? Deal with it. I think it would have been cool if Tampa and Oakland had played their Super Bowl in Green Bay. Plus, why shouldn't other cities get a chance to host the big event if they want to? Take Cincinnati. Why shouldn't it be able to host the Super Bowl (it'd be the only quality game in town)? To begin with, the host team gets perks such as a larger ticket allowance to the game so why should certain teams be excluded from ever getting that? Second, taxpayers of Cincinnati funded their stadium. If they are going to help subsidize the league, why shouldn't they get a chance for the economic benefits that come with it?

What really pissed me off about the column was Gene defended his position by saying it would be bad for the fans. What a load of pure unadulterated BS. Very few "fans" actually make into the game. Last year's Super Bowl had about 12,000 tickets going to season ticket holders of the two competing teams. Another 1000 went through a fan lottery by the NFL. So, the number of people who go to the game is minuscule in comparison to the ones who will be watching at home. What Gene is really bitching about is the fact that he will have to go to Indianapolis to cover the Super Bowl. Boo friggin hoo. His employer will pay him to attend the Super Bowl, and he's complaining. This isn't new. I wrote about another whiner last year. It's simply amazing to me that these dumbasses really believe that their readers, who have virtually no chance of ever going to a Super Bowl themselves, have any sympathy for their petty little predicament.

Speaking of the Super Bowl or at least the weekend, I found Phil's camera wedged under the back seat of my car. I left him a message but he hasn't called me back so I'm trying to remember the laws on unclaimed property. Also, click here to tell me to post the deck picture of Melissa that she didn't want getting out, but I now have.

Sitcom concept: Rosie O'Donnell and Fran Drescher together. What kind of satanic force allowed this to happen? There could be scenes where they're talking at the same time. At that point, death may become a relief. I think I'll be blocking that show just so I don't accidentally stumble over it.

Oh, it's so cute when a politician stands up and looks stupid. Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin berates oil company execs for Chicago having higher gas prices than nearby Indiana (which Barak Obama may think is somewhere near Arkansas since Hillary won their primary). Completely oblivious to the fact that the price difference is due to the taxation level of Chicago. I hear politicians running this year by saying they're going to do something about high gas prices. Of course, the Democratic platform in 2006 said they would lower gas prices. I guess you could say they did if by lowering you mean it jumped from around $2.13 when they were sworn in back in January 2007 to the present amount. Isn't $3.99 a drop from $2.13? Anybody relying on the feds to lower gas prices better start saving up to buy more. Government is a good chunk of the problem. Not just for taxes. Government red tape stifles all kinds of stuff. I have nothing against alternative energy sources, but it's pretty damn stupid to waste money subsidizing ethanol which is causing food shortages while at the same time, making it harder to produce nuclear energy. If bozos in France can get 75% of their electricity from nuclear, why can't we? Oh right, red tape. Wouldn't it be nice if all those homes in the northeast were using electric heat thus saving heating oil for our transportation? Oh, wait, it may not make a difference. Another problem is the lack of refining capacity in this country. Why? Oh right, regulations make it so expensive to build a new refinery that we've gone 32 years without a new one. Actually, since Durbin is a Democrat and they cater to the environmental movement, shouldn't he want even higher gas prices so people drive less?

Since I like lower gas prices, I have to wonder what could be done. Could renewed domestic drilling be a solution? Well, Congress (including the members who claim they can lower gas prices) voted against the only real way to lower gas prices. Once again, Dick (rhymes with dick) Durbin comes up with this ludicrous assertion, "we can't drill our way to lower gas prices." Let me think about that. How about a little lesson in basic supply and demand. The price of oil futures has shot up because of concerns about future supply as developing nations use more energy and three quarters of the oil out there (not counting the off limit reserves in the U.S.) is controlled by foreign companies which often means foreign governments which often mean dictatorships. So, Durbin is a genius. He apparently understands...........well, not much of anything. The only way to lower gas prices is to increase supply to meet the added demands. Or we could do it Durbin's route. Don't increase supply to meet demand. Let the price really go up. That'll cause a real economic slowdown much like the late '70s which was about 20 times worse than now. That will mean less energy use and will lower demand. If you don't have a job, who needs gas.

To give equal time, let me point out how stupid my party is. This gas price thing could be the easiest to understand issue. Yet, John McCain can't exploit it because he was one of the only Republicans to vote against expanding domestic oil production. Showing his wonderful sense of hypocrisy, McCain is against "forcing" California and Florida to allow offshore drilling because their people may not want it. Yet, he still votes against allowing more drilling in Alaska even though the people in Alaska are very much in favor of it. I guess he thinks the caribou are against it. Maybe he should talk to the caribou (ah, they probably wouldn't listen to him either) because they seem to be doing fine in spite of the other oil drilling up there.

Even more, let me introduce Republican Charles Grassley who is just as stupid on economics as Durbin. As I mentioned before, the government's rather foolish plan for subsidizing ethanol has led to high food prices without really doing anything to alleviate our reliance on foreign oil. Well, in the debate on food prices, Grassley brings up this gem "What does the cost of corn have to do with the price of wheat or rice?" Let me explain substitution first. If the price of one food commodity is artificially inflated (as corn has become due to ethanol mandates) and a third of it isn't being used in food, people have to turn to other food products. Therefore, since 30% of corn is being produced solely for ethanol, demand for wheat and rice go up. That causes prices to go up. Then there is another problem. Ethanol mandates have caused a price rise in corn. If you're growing wheat and can make more growing corn, why wouldn't you grow more corn? Therefore, supply of wheat will go down. Less supply + more demand = higher wheat prices. It's supply and demand. This concept is so basic that you can learn about it in the dictionary.

Since we're on politics, I must mention that Ted Kennedy has a brain tumor with poor long term prognosis. I wasn't going to mention this story because there was that old remark that went along the lines of if you can't say something nice about someone then don't say anything at all. Then I remembered that I'm happier saying things that aren't nice. I'm going to admit this deep dark secret. Contrary to popular belief, I don't wish death on very many people. I have never actually wished death on Ted Kennedy. I just wish he would go away. That said, I'm not going pretend that this story really affects me in any way. Certainly not more than a random obit in the local paper. I'm not going to rehash why I can't stand the man, but I have nothing good to say about Kennedy and the fact that he's mortal isn't going to change my opinion of him. It's sad for his friends and family (of which I don't qualify), but I'm not going to be dishonest and pretend this is somehow important to me. Certainly not as important as the death of Harvey Korman. That guy played Hedley Lamarr in Blazing Saddles which goes far and away beyond anything Kennedy ever did.

Why do we keep ripping off reality shows from England? The newest one is some stupid show where a millionaire wanders the street pretending to be poor to interact with the local street trash. The only thing I would have to look forward to on this show would be to see if he gets shanked by a schizophrenic homeless man for his shoes. I'm sure the people of the community are completely in the dark about their wandering millionaire. I always take it at face value when the local homeless are followed around by camera crews. What I found really sad about the article was that it said the Limey version "won the prestigious Rose d'Or award in 2007 for the best reality series". Sorry, chumps. No award for best reality show is prestigious.

And finally, Tonya Harding is coming back. She's got a biography coming out. Well, a bunch of interviews which I will probably never read. I hope it all works out for her. I've always had a soft spot in my.........well, let's just say heart......for her. Of all the celebrity sex tapes I've ever seen, her's was one of the better ones. She was quite the little minx. She worked her ass off in that video. Pamela Anderson's was good, because mostly she was really hot, but she also seemed stoned through half of it and really didn't put in a lot of effort. Ditto for Paris Hilton who didn't really add much to hers. I won't watch the Amy Fisher tape on general principle. By general principle, I mean she's not that attractive or really much of a celebrity. Kim Kardashian was the absolute worst. Maybe she was weighed down by that gigantic ass, but she just kind of laid there. So, I'll give Tonya credit for her performance. I think she skated or something like that too, but I really can't remember.