An Update And More

Well, I didn't have to wait for a Playboy spread or trial to find out what Elliot Spitzer's call girl looked like. Although I would still like to have a trial so we can get her testimony about what kind of kink Spitzer was into. In the interest of justice, I think we have the right to know. As for knowing what she looked like, that's been taken care of (the real value of MySpace) once her identity became known. Looking at the pics from her MySpace page, she's certainly an attractive girl. Nice rack. I could see paying her for sex. I just can't see paying as much as Spitzer did for it.

Wait a second. It just hit me. His last name is Spitzer. Wonder if he has any relatives in the south.

Anyway, I thought it was funny that the Unhappy Hooker was worried people would think she was a "monster". Not exactly the term I was thinking. I shouldn't be too hard on her. At least she wasn't supporting a drug habit. She was supporting a singing habit. Which is apparently taking off. Which is rather sad when you think about it. I've used phrases along the line of "girl who brought down the governor", but that really isn't true. Elliot's little head is what brought him down. It wasn't like he specifically asked for her. He couldn't even remember what she looked like. She just happened to be next in the queue when Spitzer needed a little love down in DC. Apparently, she's going to make some cash out of it though. Good luck to parents of teenage daughters now that prostitution is a legitimate career move.

Anyway, on to other things. I think we should push for the Ukraine to join NATO if for no other reason than to piss off Putin. But even without it, I really think we should establish closer ties to certain parts of their military.

Okay. The British have now won an award for being embarrassingly stupid. They are testing padded lampposts on certain streets. Why? Too many Brits have been walking into them while text messaging on their phone. I think we should make the lampposts harder. People who can't force themselves to walk down the street without sending a text message shouldn't be reproducing.

What's the old saying? The family that enslaves together stays together? A class-act mother-son combo in Houston apparently bought a Mexican teenager, locked her in a room and whored her out at their little club. I bet she wasn't making $2600 a trick.

I thought this was a pretty funny story. Some actress I've never really heard of never who just won an Oscar for a movie I've never heard of has made news because she's a "Truther" who thinks the United States destroyed the World Trade Center themselves. Although I've got to give her credit for originality. She thinks it was done because it would cost too much money to upgrade the interior so we destroyed it in a fake terror attack. And maybe we're hiding the files on the fake moon landing there too. Some were concerned she might have hurt her standing in Hollywood. Right. Accusing George Bush of mass murder would never fly in the film industry. She's joining other entertainment luminaries who aren't fooled by the official story. Like noted intellectual Charlie Sheen who certainly hasn't clouded his judgment with massive amounts of drugs and possibly syphilis. Or structural engineer Willie Nelson who probably doesn't have syphilis. Or material scientist Rosie O'Donnell who offered such damning evidence of a conspiracy as "I do believe that it's the first time fire has melted steel." Until then, I thought steel I-beams were formed at a foundry. I guess they are grown in fields. Sure, Bush may have fooled Bill Clinton, but he won't fool these geniuses. Sure, people with actual intelligence have claimed to have debunked those theories, but that's right wing publications like Popular Mechanics and neocon organizations like Purdue University.

When I first read the story about a woman spending two years in the bathroom, I assumed she was just getting ready to go out. Or eaten at Taco Tico. But then I find out she just didn't want to leave. What kind of toilet seat did they have if it was comfortable enough to sleep on? Great quote from the sheriff. "This truly is a case of two people, in my opinion, with diminished mental capacity." You think?

Ah, Europe. An Italian court has ruled that it's legal for a woman to lie to police about adultery because she needs to protect her honor. How much honor does a lying slut really have?

It was nice of Louisville to have that little 15-2 streak late in the season. It made me realize they have the talent to contend for the Final Four. Too bad their three point shooting (8 for 37) in their past two games (both losses) have shown me they could also lose in the first round.

The Democratic Party is struggling with what to do about the Florida and Michigan delegates that they banned for moving their primaries up too early. Gee, I wonder why no one thought this problem would occur? I thought it stupid in August to discount that many votes out of deference to Iowa. I think it's stupid now. But there are other reasons. Contrary to popular belief, it wasn't the Florida parties that moved the date. It was the state, and I think in that case the state should be superseding the party. After all, with a primary, the state is footing the bill. Why shouldn't they be able to pick the date? Of course, there is something I like about this whole situation. Florida has a Republican governor and legislature. So, the Democratic Party is punishing Democratic voters in Florida for the actions of Republicans.

I guess when people picked Mary Ann in the old "Ginger or Mary Ann" debate, they knew she was really the party girl. She's 69 years old and gets busted for driving while high. It never fails to amaze me. Couldn't she wait until she got home to light up? Actually, her attorney says she wasn't high. In fact, he says "a friend" had left the pot in her car after using it that day. Granted, that probably wouldn't explain why there were four half smoked joints and the smell of marijuana in the car that much later in the day. Or maybe it would. I don't know how much pot one person might smoke while running an errand or how long the stench would last. Of course, that still doesn't explain why she failed a field sobriety test. Or why her original excuse was that she was giving a ride to three hitchhikers who started smoking "something" before she threw them out. But apparently kept their weed as punishment. I think she should have stuck with this story. It worked for me when the cops found that dead stripper in the back of my car and I told them some hitchhikers must have left her there.

In a hooker story unrelated to the politics of New York, a woman was arrested for fondling an undercover officer. To be honest, this is just a run of the mill prostitution story (who among us hasn't been in legal trouble for inappropriate fondling?), but there was a twist. She had her kids in the next room. I guess it was Bring Your Kid To Work Day.

There's a gnome roaming loose in Argentina. And those pussies are scared. It's a friggin gnome. Why didn't they try to catch it? As far as I know, there are no living gnomes in captivity. Well, other than Bridget The Midget.