News Of The Week

Some dude gets charged with murder in his wife's death. How was the investigation described by the paper? "Almost from the beginning, investigators called her death suspicious." Really? She was shot in the head, and "almost from the beginning", the cops thought it might be suspicious. That's some good investigative work there. I just want to know what the cops thought before they decided it was suspicious. "We thought it was a heart attack until we noticed she had a bullet hole in her head. Then we became a little suspicious."

I always get a laugh at the morons who "fall" for prisoners. How many stupid women are going to marry death row inmates in this country? Of course, at least they hook with up with some guy who will likely never get out (and most death rows don't allow conjugal visits). But in England, this dingy broad brought home a guy she met on a prison visit. Then he stuck a knife to her throat. Gee, you take home a Satanic convicted rapist. What could go wrong?

As a Republican who isn't a big fan of John McCain because I felt he spent the last eight years opposing the rest of his political career in an effort to curry favor with major newpaper editorial pages, it is quite amusing to watch his media buddies at the New York Times turn on him so quickly now that he's the de facto nominee. The first story was a doozie. It was 10 years old. The only insinuation of an affair is that a couple of anonymous sources thought McCain was too close with a lobbyist. So, go ahead and run with that part prominently displayed. And even better, they were working on this story at the same time they were endorsing him. It's pretty bad when The New Republic and US News & World Report both consider it shoddy journalism. It's really bad when the Times' own ombudsman (who has a reputation for rubber stamping anything the Times does) tears the story apart.

Actually, while the McCain-might-boning-a-lobbyist article was retarded, it has nothing on the latest McCain hit piece. They're actually arguing that it's possible that McCain might not be eligible to take office because the Constitution says on "natural born" citizens can be President (ironic to see the Times suggesting an original intent Constitutional argument) and he was born in Panama while his naval father was stationed there. I don't care what "experts" they throw up there. The whole argument that someone born to military personnel stationed overseas is ineligible to be President is ludicrous. What kind of douchebag would actually take McCain to court and say a decorated war hero can't be President because his father served his country for 40 years?

Ironically, many think it will help McCain with conservatives as any enemy of the the NY Times is the enemy of conservatives (although allegations of adultery, influence peddling and being a foreigner might hurt with other groups). Speaking of conservatives, I was sad to see William F. Buckley Jr passed away. I wonder if Phil dislikes him more for mainstreaming conservative political thought or what he said about the Beatles. Actually, I subscribe to National Review and I wasn't aware of the quote until I saw it in an obit, so Phil probably just hates him for conservative political thought.

And for Phil - Movie Trivia - What actor/actress did Alfred Hitchcock believe looked too old in one of his movie to the point that Hitchcock blamed that person for the commercial failure of the film and never collaborated with him/her again?

What's the world coming to when a man can't get trashed while staying at a casino resort (on his company's dime) and call the front desk for a hooker without getting fired? The guy was in Iowa. What else is there to do in Iowa? Besides, what kind of resort doesn't have access to hookers? Then they were surprised when the hotel staff went to request he stop calling for hookers, he showed up nekkid. Well, he was waiting on a hooker.

Actually, hotel rooms can get people in trouble. A teacher's aide in Pittsburgh was fired from her job after being caught in a hotel room with a bunch of teenagers, some pot, possibly some crack, some beer and used condoms. Her excuse that they just showed up, but she didn't let them drink sounds a little hollow. Her protestations that she didn't have sex with them, but they might have "discreetly" bumped nasties with each other is a little far fetched too. How do you have "discreet" sex in a Clarion Hotel room with a bunch of other people there? Also, most teenagers are about as discreet as monkeys flinging feces. It gets better. Even before this incident, there were rumors at the school she was carrying on with her son's friends. She acknowledges this little episode "will only fuel those rumors." You think? You have a 15 year old son already being teased about your whore-like behavior and you're going to put yourself in this situation? Here's a thought. Grow the Hell up.

Amazing how indifferent some people can be about their kids. I also get so sick of people treating their kids like a prop. A woman in Florida threw a 3 grand birthday party for her one year old. She said "she wanted to make it memorable for her first child" and "I want him to know how important and special I think he is". I call BS on that one. Who remembers anything from their first birthday? This day was all about Mom. She wants people to realize how "special" she is. I think she's a needy bitch.

Speaking of someone a little too needy of attention. Congress has sent a note to the Justice Dept to investigate whether Roger Clemens lied in his sworn testimony. Yes, I will be beating this story to death. As I stated last week, I don't think the DOJ will go anywhere with it. However, I've got to love how stupid his attorney is when he says things like "Now we are done with the circus of public opinion, and we are moving into the courtroom. Thankfully, we are now about to enter an arena where there are rules and people can be held properly accountable for outrageous statements." Yeah, that was a great goal this legal team had. Getting indicted for perjury. Especially since he's the only player being investigated for what was in the Mitchell report. Good job. I bet ole Roger wishes he'd just kept his mouth shut.

Also on the needy front, a survey found that Mac users were self-centered snobs compared to PC users. Never saw those results coming.

In other crime news, we had one guy who drove to the police station to demand his drug money back. In a stolen car. And another guy has to have his DUI hearing put off. Because he showed up drunk. I guess some people don't think ahead when they visit the authorities.

More movie trivia - who played Handsome Stranger and Charming Jones in a '70s western?

A casting company in Pittsburgh put out a call for a white trash horror movie. In an incredibly intelligent move, they specifically wanted people with inbred hilljack features like you might find in West Virginia. Shockingly, the person who planned the casting call has been fired. I don't know why she felt the need to advertise for hilljacks. Most of them can't read anyway. Just go hang around the Morgantown Walmart. You'll find all the inbred mountain trash that you want.

I had seen the commercials for some new show where people are attached to a lie detector and get money based on how well they do. I didn't watch it. Watching people make asses about themselves is not my cup of tea. At least when they are on TV. However, I did read an article about a recent one. A woman went on the show with her husband in the audience, and freely admits it was for the money. She passed the lie detector test when she admitted that she had a habit of cheating on her husband, and when she also admitted she wished she had married someone else. Her Achilles heel? She flunked when she was asked if she was a good person and said "yes". Let's see. Serial adulterer. Treats her husband like crap. Brought her husband on national television to humiliate him for money. How could her subconscious mind not think she was a good person?

Steven Speilberg had a fit of conscience by pulling out as adviser to the Beijing Olympics. China's response was to call it a "betrayal of the Olympic spirit". Right. China's idea of Olympic spirit is apparently locking up dissidents, doping athletes and dumping them when they get too old.

Here's an article that pissed me off. It is basically about how Viking women would wear an outfit that would emphasize their racks. That had me interested. But look at the picture that accompanied the article. I was expecting some big knockered Swedish woman with her assets hanging out. And that's what I got?

And in a final boob story. Natalie Portman told an interviewer that she wanted to get her mitts on Scarlett Johansson's breasts. Well, who doesn't?

News Of The Week

Well, the Roger Clemens case certainly got a bit stranger after the Congressional hearing. A lot of people have pointed out that Congress holding hearings on whether or not Clemens did steroids was a huge waste of time. I disagree. When your motto is "There is no problem so bad that government action can't make it worse", you find that you like it better when Congress goofing around with stupid crap like this. After watching parts of the hearing, I really don't want these people messing with too many things that affect my life. Contrary to popular belief, the hearing didn't break down along party lines. Yes, some Republicans did makes asses of themselves in defending Clemens, most notably Dan Burton. But most Republicans don't take Burton that seriously. And the two most pandering comments to Clemens came from Democrats. Eleanor Norton of D.C. (no way any place that elected her should be given statehood) actually told him he was going to heaven. William Clay of Missouri asked him what uniform he was going into the Hall of Fame in. Showing that I've watched the movie Die Hard way too many times, my first thought was "William Clay? That's the identity Hans took to make McClain think he was an escaped hostage." Still, this hearing did bring out a few facts. Clemens' former training partner and teammate, Andy Pettite, said Clemens told him he used human growth hormones, which Clemens said Pettite "misremembered". Oh, and McNamee told the feds that he also gave HGH to Clemens' wife so she could spruce up for a bikini shoot. In order to show his own credibility (by giving an admission for someone else), Clemens tossed his wife under a bus by saying she did use it even though the committee wasn't investigating HGH use in SI's Swimsuit Issue. I think it says more about Clemens' character than his credibility. Mainly, that his character is as bad as his credibility.

Still, it does all come down to credibility. Neither Clemens nor trainer Brian McNamee had much. McNamee admitted lying in the past about his resume, and he is a drug dealer. I've said numerous times that I think the evidence supports Clemens' being juiced. It was pretty funny to me that some people found his performance believable because "he got angry". Well, so did Rafael Palmeiro who later tested positive for steroids. I have to look at what people have to gain or lose. Did Clemens have anything to lose by lying? Actually, no. Palmeiro righteously denied using steroids under oath, but he hasn't been charged with perjury. Clemens won't either (and outside of Barry Bonds and Marion Jones who were intimately involved in the BALCO case, the feds haven't generally been going after the athletes). It's his word against McNamee's. McNamee does claim to have saved syringes and bloody gauze but even if it has Clemens' DNA on it, the chain of custody consists solely of McNamee's basement so I can't see the feds wasting money on a perjury rap with that. Clemens did have a huge reason to lie. He wants in the Hall of Fame, and he knows baseball writers are the dumbest of sportswriters (if that is possible). His whole act is trying to convince them of his innocence so they'll vote him in.

Now, does McNamee have a reason to lie? Maybe, but I can't figure out what it is. He told federal investigators that he gave steroids or HGH to Clemens, his wife, Pettite and Chuck Knoblauch. McNamee was told by the fed that if he lied to them or his story changed to the baseball investigators, he would be charged with perjury, plus there would probably be no deal on steroid distribution. Am I supposed to believe he would risk real jail time just to get back at someone who he considered a friend? Truthfully, it doesn't matter how credible McNamee the person is. It's that his story is corroborated. Pettite, Knoblauch and now the wife have all said they got HGH from McNamee. So, he told the truth about all three of them, and then made it up about Clemens? His wife and one of his best friends were getting HGH from his trainer, and he didn't know anything about it? I don't think so.

Fidel Castro announced he is stepping aside (and replaced by his clone like younger brother). To be honest, his place in history has been largely inflated because he is really nothing more than your run of the mill tin pot dictator. He just had the major advantage of JFK blowing the Bay of Pigs invasion and a bunch of other Presidents deciding taking him out wasn't worth the trouble (and no, I don't belief all the assassination attempts that Castro claims). Really, his only claim to fame is that he lived a long time. All the talk of him outlasting all theses American presidents was stupid. Of course, he would outlast them. We have term limits for our presidents. Oh, and these things called elections. All his other accomplishments can be boiled down to two things. He was immensely popular with his people. At least that's what we've always been told. Never had one of those elections things (a free one anyway) so I guess we won't know. His other accomplishment was building an island paradise so wonderful that every year thousands of Cubans would rip the roof off their house to make a rickety raft trying to flee to Miami.

Of course, we have our own brand of statism in this country. It's called the farm policy. The latest load of crap is that California rice farmers are selling water. They get a subsidized water as part of the farm policy, and the price of water in California is so high, it is more profitable for them to sell that subsidized water than it is to use it to grow rice. WTF? The point of subsidizing water for farmers is so they grow stuff. How the Hell can anyone justify this behavior with a straight face? The whole farm subsidy program is pure crap anyway. Rice is one of the most subsidized. Want to know why? Rice takes a lot of water to grow. We're actually paying people to grow this stuff in areas of the country that it really shouldn't be grown in. The worst part is that the subsidy is price guaranty so even if they overproduce, the price I pay for a box of Kroger-knockoff-brand-rice-chex is probably not going down.

I guess I shouldn't be too surprised that Duke had a sex show on their campus recently. Most of the critics made the connection to the Duke-lacrosse-stripper-rape-hoax. I'm just curious whether or not college students today are perpetually in the ninth grade. What other purpose is there to bring in a traveling sex show than the shock value? It almost made it sound like a career fair. I'm sure plenty of Duke grads will look into going into the sex industry.

Now, Hong Kong is having their own little sex scandal. Apparently some dirty pictures of some hot young celebs have hit the internet for which they have apologized. I for one find it kind of refreshing when nude celeb pics hit the web without the celeb doing it for publicity.

On to other vices, a compulsive gambler in England is suing his bookie for letting him keep betting even though he asked them not to. Typical nanny-state loser. It's always someone else's fault. "If I had known I had a problem and didn't do anything about it, I would see myself as being 100 percent responsible." What? Telling them to take down your account, yet trying to place more bets is doing something? What a joke. That's not doing crap. When I decided my heroin addiction became too much of a problem, I took concrete action. I began using cocaine heavily.

A new study on internet predators has found that they aren't that big a problem. It's not a haven for pedophiles because picking up six year olds online isn't easy to do even if you make it into the Hello Kitty chatrooms. It's mostly teenagers who are already online looking for sex (okay, maybe just curious about it). Something I found very interesting. From a research standpoint, of course.

Speaking of teenagers in search of sex, Lindsay Lohan is blaming Hollywood for Heath Ledger's drug problems and Marilyn Monroe's suicide. But she claims not to know why the industry could lead to it. How about giving lots of money to people who are never told "no"? Think that could lead people to have the money for drugs and the belief they can handle it? On the plus side, Lohan did some nudie pictures for New York magazine. Look it up. They look......I mean, she's looks quite nice.

When I first read the headline to this story "Gorillas Caught Making Love, Human Style", my assumption was that the male gorilla got her drunk and promised to respect her in the morning. But apparently, they did it face to face which must be uncommon for gorillas. I kind of lost interest when I realized it wasn't a story about drunken gorilla pickup lines.

Although, why is taking pictures of apes doing it considered socially acceptable, but hiding under the bed in order to see some chick naked is a "crime"? Sure, it's a desperate move and claustrophobic, but who among us can honestly say they haven't found themselves in just that situation?

Poor Hillary. She's beginning to flop. Actually, the whole "Hillary is inevitable" was silly. With her high negatives, she was sure to have a sizable anti-Hillary movement even within the Democratic Party (actually, eight years in power means the Clintons probably created some enemies of people they stepped on). It's still pretty funny that Hillary bought the inevitability to the point she some inexperienced crony running her campaign (into the ground). So, what happens when she bites the bullet and replaces her? Some Latino party hack gets mad because the campaign manager was Hispanic. So, her campaign is stalling and he thinks it's more important to keep your Hispanic constituency happy than to put someone competant in charge (although I'm not sure the replacement is any better)? Of course, Hillary has no one but herself to blame. You can't pander to identity politics your entire career then get surprised when it blows back on you. What's next? Finding out that years of sucking up to Al Sharpton won't get you the black vote if you happen to run against a black candidate?

First we got the story that Gary Coleman married some chick way back in August. Then we find out more recently that he hasn't "finished the job" yet. Oh, and she's scared of him which is pretty sad considering she towers over him. All of this means I know too much about Gary Coleman's personal life. Which I feel the need to pass on to others.

I guess Coleman's bride won't have to hire a "honey trapper" detective to make sure he isn't straying. It's an interesting job. Go to a bar and try to pick up someone's spouse to see if they're a cheater. I can't really feel too sorry for them. Just because you didn't go out looking to commit adultery, you still did. Or wanted to. It doesn't say that sex has to be had in order for the detective to get paid. I'm assuming they don't. Actually, there are ones that I do feel sorry for. The ones who get ugly people hitting on them, because they pick "honey trappers" to match the attractiveness of the target. Think about it. If you get hit on by a homely girl, that means that a detective agency sat down and decided you were ugly and if a good looking woman hit on you, you might figure it's a trap.

Maybe what they all need is relationship counseling from this pastor. He wants single people to abstain from sex for a month (no big deal there), and he wants married people to do it at least once a day. I'm sure some married men are going to try to get that sermon on tape to whip out whenever the wife has a headache.

New of the Week

A county in Florida was considering putting up security cameras on the beaches to deter people from having public sex. Then they decided it would be too expensive to maintain. Obviously they didn't think this through. With all the wackjob exhibitionists out there, they probably would have had people going to this beach just to have sex in front of the cameras. Then the county could sell the videos to porn sites and have money to pay for the cameras.

Speaking of public sex, a cop in Denver lost his job over having sex with a prostitute in a Taco Bell bathroom. Considering what Taco Bell does to people, that's probably not the dirtiest thing to ever happen in that bathroom. This guy was a genius. What a great idea. Throw a 13 year career literally down the toilet by screwing a whore at a Taco Bell.

There's been some controversy over the process of waterboarding, but I've found a case where it would be appropriate. National Guardsman gets called up for active duty in Iraq. Wife cheats on him, blows all his money and then welcomes him home with divorce papers. I like how her lawyer says "there's two sides to every story". I would really love to hear her side. Maybe he was too distant while overseas. Maybe she has a medical condition to where her legs won't stay closed. I'm not sure that being a slut is really "a side to a story".

And here's a story just as pleasant. Two teenage girls made their parents proud by robbing a 9 year old girl scout. Even better, they came back and taunted the girl and said they weren't sorry. In fact, they seemed rather pissed that being caught was such an inconvenience. One did later apologize, but you could smell the BS through your computer screen. She probably realized how really stupid it is to confess to a crime on TV when the DA is still deciding whether to press charges. Really, at this point, what's to decide? Try them as adults and put them in a cell with the meanest prison lesbo you can find. And waterboard their parents. If I had done this, there's no way I would have been able to drive back to the scene of the crime since I would no longer have a car. I would consider myself lucky my dad wouldn't make me go back and help sell the cookies. Wearing a girl scouts uniform.

Nice to see the Church of England is trying to lead the way in England's surrender to Eurabia. The Archbishop of Canterbury seems to think a little Sharia law would be good for England. After all, it's working wonders in so many other places. I wonder if he realizes this leadership is why there are probably more practicing Anglicans in Nigeria than England.

Really, what's the worst that can happen if Sharia is instituted in England? Subjugated women abused to death with the willing negligence of family members? Too bad that's already going on, but at least right now, it's still illegal.

Granted, England has become very proficient at kow-towing to others. The latest was to make British Olympians sign a contract saying they wouldn't criticize the Chicoms who are hosting the Olympics. Funny, I don't remember anyone forcing their Olympic athletes to sign forms agreeing not to criticize the U.S. when the Olympics were held here. I've always thought having the Olympics in totalitarian countries seemed to go against the Olympic ideal. How naive are the schmucks who make these decisions? They seem to think letting dictators have the Olympics will "open" those countries. Worked real well with Germany in 1936. It's working real well in China now. They're rounding up dissidents and locking them up.

It shouldn't be too surprising that England is having these troubles. They've got some sick bastards over there. A man on trial for murdering a model is using the defense that she had already been murdered when he decided to rape the corpse. On a public sidewalk. And besides, a quarter of people there don't believe Winston Churchill really existed. For my American readers, let me assure you that Abraham Lincoln was a real person. What makes this worse is that half the Brits actually think Sherlock Holmes did exist.

That's probably why their best exports to this country seem to now be drug addled singers. Well, Amy Winehouse hasn't actually been exported since she couldn't attend the Grammy's due to her rehab schedule. One good thing could come from it. Kelly Osbourne wants her to move in with that dysfunctional family. Sounds like a good excuse to bring back the reality show, although listening to Winehouse try to converse with Ozzy would probably kill brain cells.

England did manage to export the Spice Girls back, but thankfully that little episode is over. Actually, the only reason I linked that article is because there is a picture of one of them grabbing another's boob, and as I said on the ski trip post, I'm big on the hands on boobage.

I probably shouldn't be so harsh about the British since this country's got it's share of idiots and wackjob. San Jose State has decided to ban blood drives because gay men are still considered high risk so they can't donate. Now, I hate needles so anything that can be done to broaden the blood supply that doesn't involve me is a good thing, but I think San Jose State is missing the big picture. How stupid is it to lessen blood availability over this? Since homosexuals aren't banned from receiving blood, they'll be in the same boat as non-homosexuals if there isn't enough blood. Always nice to see public universities use rational decision making techniques.

Then there's this genius who posted an ad to sell pot on Craigslist. I guess he was too lazy to take an ad out in the local newspaper.

Or the mother of the year who decided that she wasn't willing to drive drunk unless her case of beer was safely buckled up. Yet, she was willing to let her one year old daughter roam loose in the back seat. Normally, I'm all for making beer safety a priority, but even I have my limits.

Then there is our "celebrity" story of the week. Amy Fisher (who should be exported, for good), fresh off promoting the "celebrity" sex tape that no one wanted, has given an interview where she admitted to recently having vomit inducing sex with Joey Buttafuoco (God, I hope that video never gets out). Oh, and she doesn't have any sympathy for the woman she shot in the head several years ago. Why? Because Mary Jo Buttafuoco made more money off the "incident" than Fisher did. What a tragedy that the attempted murderess made less money than her victim.

And finally, some woman wrote the 10 things you (meaning men) shouldn't say to women. The whole article is pretty eye-rolling, but a couple stood out for me. Number three is don't say "Relax" (I'm assuming this isn't the Frankie Goes To Hollywood instruction while engaging in sodomy), because it might lead the woman to "think we're being irrational over nothing." A woman being irrational over nothing? Yeah, that never happens. But my favorite is number five where a man shouldn't question whether a woman might be a feminist, because she will be offended by it. Even if she is a feminist. Actually, my favorite part was the line that went "Be kind, open the door, offer to pay and go from there. We can choose to accept or share in your generosity." Well, how friggin' charitable of you. To think, she would actually allow me to pay for her dinner. How can the guys that woman dates be so stinking lucky?

Random Ski TripThoughts

I have to disagree with one point Phil made on his blog post about the ski trip. I did bitch about the single guy bunks. I bitched a lot. I will probably still be bitching about the bunk beds until next year. Because that's what I do. They would have been small for a normal person, but were really uncomfortable for those among us who fall into the less than skinny category.

Other than that, the only thing about the cabin I would've changed was the TV situation. With the one common TV being in a rather cramped area, viewing for the games could have been better. Plus, if you're trying to catch the end of Die Hard With A Vengeance, you don't want to have to listen to Brett snoring because he's fallen asleep on a couch in the middle of the day. And you know that's going to happen.

One big plus about the cabin was internet cable since that was the only way I could keep up with the Louisville basketball game. The only drawback was Kevin borrowed my computer while I went to take a shower. I'm afraid to check the history to see where he surfed. Hopefully Norton's kept spyware from downloading from some shemale porn site.

I'll join the bandwagon and thank all the people who cooked. God knows if I had been in charge of cooking, there would have been a lot of meals consisting of Vienna Sausages and Golden Grahams. And probably a lot fewer 2 liters of soda. And most likely we would have found out if the pizza delivery guy would be willing to drive up the hill.

From some of the post ski trip emails, I'm thankful that I don't like beans and won't eat anything with them in it. I had no gastrointestinal problems.

Not to ridicule anyone's belief system (unless you're Muslim, Scientologist or pick up snakes), but why are people worshiping the bear? It's not even a Grizzly.

Best advice from the weekend (from Dave Spitzer) - check out the video of Glenn Danzig getting punched in the face. Nothing like seeing a pretentious prick get punched in the face. Well, unless I'm that pretentious prick. As a bonus, it led me to the greatest Lego video ever.

Worst advice from the weekend (from Brett early Sunday morning) - let's watch Three's Company.

As a product of the '80s, I'm a big Journey fan. However, I must ask a pertinent question. Phil, doesn't that part of your iPod have room for more than 10 songs to shuffle through? Nothing against Damn Yankees, but listening to their one hit 83 times was more than enough.

Take a close look at that foosball table. There's a white (well, tannish) player on the black team. I'm not sure what it means, but it must mean something. Probably that the cabin is run by a bunch of cheap bastards who bought the table at a yard sale.

I've discovered why cornhole is a popular tailgating activity. I play much better while drinking beer over bourbon. Beer is the better tailgate drink. The only time I drink hard liquor at a tailgate is if it's an early game and I have less time to get a buzz on which I need because I don't want to blow $6 on each beer inside the football game but still want the excuse for my obnoxious behavior when I scream obscenities at the cotton candy guy for getting in my way and then promptly vomit on the little old lady who sits in front of me. That's not true. No little old lady sits in front of me. But I digress. I couldn't hit the hole (heh, heh, heh) while drinking bourbon, but did fine with beer. And sobriety doesn't help because Leslie was terrible at cornhole and apparently she doesn't drink.

I was once again astounded by the level of violence associated with Nerf Hoop (and I'm not talking about the anger generated as two unnamed handymen were trying to put them together). It's a wonder no one was seriously injured (although I tried my best).

I had a witty (for me) comment relating the way Cora is holding this bottle to instructions from my high school rifle team on how to fire a weapon properly (it involves something along the lines of "squeeze it, don't jerk it"). On further review, I'm just trying to figure out what headless Melissa is doing in the background. I'm not sure if I would call it a personal failing of mine (actually I find it to be an admirable trait and have no personal failings), but hands on boobage always attracts my attention. Although normally I like it to be my hands on boobage.

Looking through all these pictures, I see a stereotypical Pocahontas wig and a Chinese hat with a Hop Sing like rat tail coming out the back. Quite frankly, I'm embarrassed by the hidden bigotry in all of you. I would elaborate on that, but I'm too busy purchasing some bean soup for next year's ski trip since everyone seems to like beans.

Trivia question: who sang the theme song to the funniest western of all time, Clint Eastwood's TV series and the greatest non-Eastwood/Wayne western movie?

Someone was supposed to break down my barriers on the ski trip, but didn't get around to it. I'm not exactly sure what my barriers are. Or even what the Hell that means. It almost sounds like I'm mentally disturbed. I really don't have a problem with that characterization, but I'm not sure I want my barriers gone especially since I'm not sure what they are. And I'm sure I would miss them when they're gone.

I still haven't found my hammer.

Who the Hell let Jon in this picture? It makes it completely off center.

I was surprised by a picture Phil put on his blog. The one with Vic wearing a UL football jersey. I guess Phil is more tolerant this year. Last year he demanded I take off my Orange Bowl shirt (which made me feel very uncomfortable in his presence). Thumbs up, Phil, for finally learning some tolerance for people whose beliefs are different from yours. At least towards someone who could probably pull your arms out of their socket.

I think a lot of people leave on Sunday so they don't have to be involved in the Monday morning cleanup so Phil doesn't get an extra charge on his credit card. I don't know why they don't do like I do. Stay up late and get up in just enough time that others have already pretty much cleaned up everything. My cleaning skills are about as developed as my cooking skills. If getting the kitchen cleaned up was my responsibility, there would have been a lot of dishes tossed into the woods. After all, my name isn't on any rental paperwork.

Phil often accuses me of blogging while drunk. That is a complete overstatement of fact. However, since sobriety is not expected on ski trip weekend, why should blogging about the ski trip be done while sober? Especially when done while UL is kicking Georgetown's ass.

Finally, I saw a funny sight on the drive back. I looked into the back seat of the Rendezvous, and I saw Phil with his head between his legs. My first thought was I was going to have floorboard stains with vomit being the better option. Then I realized he was just falling asleep. I told him he could lay across the bench seat, but he mumbled something about never taking his seatbelt off while I was driving. It may have had something to do with the fact that I wasn't looking at the road while doing 85 mph in a driving rainstorm. Or it may have been the crank I did while waiting for Dickie's 15 minute bathroom break at Pilot. I mean I did have to stay awake for the drive home. It just reinforced my belief that Phil can be a wuss sometimes. After all, he made it home in one piece.

Random Super Bowl Thoughts

I’m not sure where all this talk about this being one of the greatest Super Bowls ever. Sure, it was exciting in the fourth quarter, but call me old fashioned because I like my Super Bowls to be well played. The score was 7-3 going into the fourth quarter. Real exciting stuff there.

I’ve got to give Goat #1 to Bill Belichick. His defense is playing pretty well (only 3 points thru 3 quarters). Offense isn’t. So, what does the “HEAD” coach do? Doesn’t look at the field while his offense is out there. Makes no adjustment at all to fix the protection issues (like maybe the three tight end set they used against San Diego?). Makes no adjustment to get Randy Moss open (let’s keep running him down the sidelines even though it hasn’t worked yet). And great decision making on fourth down. Going for it on 4th and 13 while at the Giants’ 31? Sure a 48 yard field goal is long, but it’s a dome so it’s definitely doable. Still has to give you a better shot than going for 4th and 13, especially when you call a play for the end zone. Genius, my ass.

Dave Spitzer was certainly correct about how bad Troy Aikman is in the booth. He friggin’ sucks. I still can’t get over his comment when the Giants were facing 3rd and 10 with under two minutes left in the game while trailing. He said something to the affect that the Giants would have a big decision if they didn’t make a first down. Yeah, the decision would be what play to call. Only a complete schmuck (like Troy) would even consider punting. He made it worse by agreeing with their decision to go for it on the next play when it was 4th and 1. Brilliant decision there, Troy. How much is Fox paying for such insightful commentary?

Sucked to be in Brentwood if you were a football fan. Some drunk knocked out power to 8,300 people there in the fourth quarter (the only good one). I was really hoping to find out it was OJ Simpson.

Goat # 2 goes to Matt Light. It probably shouldn’t because I think he’s highly overrated as a left tackle. However, a lot of people think he’s great. He looked like crap the entire game.

One thing that was nice to see in the lead up to the Super Bowl. A report came out that the Pats illegally video taped a Rams practice before their first Super Bowl win. Then we find out that a former video technician for them may be willing to talk. Hopefully, these revelations will come to pass and that jerkass Belichick won’t make the Hall of Fame.

Some people might say the Patriots were victims of karma. Payback because they are a bunch of cheaters. The mayor of Boston was already planning the parade route. The team had trademarked “19-0”. ESPN.com has pathetically allowed one of their columnist, Bill Simmons, to be a pimp for every Boston team. The Boston Globe already had a pre-order on Amazon.com for a book about a 19-0 Patriots team. But I don’t believe in karma. I do believe in lethargy, and the Patriots were lethargic.

My favorite commercial had to be the Sales Genie one where the Pandas had stereotypical Chinese accents. Nothing funnier than a commercial with the ability to offend. I also liked the Victoria’s Secret commercial, but for completely different reasons.

Does this mean I should change my opinion about Eli Manning? Hell, no. It took him over three quarters to get something other than a field goal. How on earth he got the MVP over a defensive player is beyond me. If the Giants don’t hold the Patriots to their lowest output of the season, the Giants don’t win. You have to go back to 1974 to find another Super Bowl Champ who scored fewer than 17 points. This game was won on defense, so it should have gone to one of them. Hell, Richard Dent won MVP in the ’86 Super Bowl when the Bears scored 55 points. I would have given the MVP to Justin Tuck. He was after Brady the whole game while recording two sacks and forcing a fumble.

Even if I was to give the MVP to an offensive player, it wouldn’t have been Manning. He got bailed out at least twice on the game winning drive. On the play before the penultimate play, Manning chucks the ball in double coverage. Asante Samuel has the easy interception to clinch the win. He drops it. On the next play, Manning does a good job escaping a sack, but all he does after that is chuck the ball down the middle of the field. David Tyree has to outleap the Patriots and catch the ball against his helmet. It was a spectacular catch. It was a boneheaded decision to make that throw. Putting the ball up in the air (for a long time) is the quickest way to get a pass intercepted. It’s one thing to do it on fourth down when you just want to get the ball downfield, but on third down, it’s stupid. That’s two horribly bad decisions back to back which he was very lucky not to have a turnover.

Goat # 3 has to be Tom Brady. Yes, he didn’t have a whole lot of time, but even on plays when he did, he didn’t play well. Also, the quarterback is partially responsible for his own protection. You’ve got to see where the rush is coming from, and Brady did a poor job there too. Still, even passes with time, he was constantly underthrowing or overthrowing or completely missing his receiver. Case in point, the 4th and 13 play (that never should have been run). The play was dumb enough since it should have been kicked or if you are going to run it, try to get the first down instead of going 31 yards into the end zone. Well, they tried for 31 yards into the end zone. Brady threw the ball about 10 yards out of bounds. I understand that Randy Moss was covered. So what? It’s fourth down. You would have been better off keeping it in the field of play to give Moss a chance at it. What’s the worst that can happen? An interception? If it’s in the end zone, you save 11 yards from where an incomplete pass left the Giants. Dumb play.

I read a lot of articles before the Super Bowl, and one thing stood out as funny to me. A bunch of columnists were critical of the half time show because they keep doing older acts. This year was Tom Petty. Recent performers included Prince, The Stones, Paul McCartney, etc. Some questioned why newer acts weren’t used. Well, duh. Who is going to have a broader array of fans, Prince or 50 Cent? A lot of younger people are going to know a Tom Petty or Prince. Certainly a lot more than the number of older people who are going to recognize a new face. I remember a few years ago when Ashlee Simpson sang at the Orange Bowl. She got her ass booed. Stick with someone the majority of the people watching have heard of.

Add professional gamblers and sports books to the group (a very large group) who hate the Patriots. The sports books lost $2.6 million on the game. I was surprised how much the so called “Smart Money” went for the Patriots. I know I thought the Patriots should cover, but pros usually look at trends, and the Patriots hadn’t been covering for awhile. I thought the big gamblers would go with the Giants. As for the bookies, piss on them. That’s what they get for setting the spread so high even though the Pats hadn’t been covering at the end of the year.

Ski Trip 2008: Day Two

Gratuitous wet t-shirt shot ripped off from Jon's camera. Well, maybe not too gratuitous. There was some hot tub action in the early hours of Saturday. Doesn't seem to be as much hot tubbing as in the past. I would put the blame on the raccoon I found floating in the hot tub when I first got here, but I failed to mention that to anyone after tossing it into the woods. Hope no one noticed. Fortunately, we have not run out of coffee. Nor two liters of soda. However, the two liter situation is getting desperate. We're probably down to only 87. We're also really low on beer. We would be in real trouble if not for all the bottles of liquor. There was basketball during the day, and poker in the evening. More cornholing than you can find in a Tijuana massage parlor. Then came the late night downer as some old crank comes out at 3 am to make us turn the music down. I don't know what the deal is with these geriatrics always trying to bring down the party.

I figured I'd better get a picture of Kevin because the last time I went on a ski trip with him, I completely forgot he was there. And Kara still hasn't hatched.

Ski Trip 2008: Day One

And the trip begins. Throughout the afternoon and evening and into the wee hours of Saturday morning, ski trippers arrived at the Plimpton Lodge somewhere in the wilds of Dollywood. Their trip ended with clutches burning out on a 65 degree hill leading up to the cabin. Provisions have been stocked, but we're still not sure if there are enough two liters of soda. It's my firm belief that we'll need more. Just about everyone was scarfing down chili. No word on whether we have air fresheners for the resulting blast tomorrow.

A few questions from the pre-trip surveys have been answered. Dave Schanding was the first to pass out. He went out quite early. I was the first injury at the hands of my car, although Big Jon's was more interesting as he fell down the steps. Kara has made it through day one without hatching. Right now, the MVP is the maintenance guy who came late to get the fireplace going and drop off a remote control. And the most intriguing question has been answered. Dickie Tipton is on the ski trip.

Super Bowl

As I said before, this Super Bowl sucks (and in deference to Phil, let me point out that I will be watching it on Ski Trip 2008: Knocking Boots In The Woods). I don’t like either team. I hope they both lose. I’m not sure how that can happen unless the Patriots win, but we find out later they were massively cheating. That would be my best case scenario. Then the Jared Lorenzen replaces an ineffective Eli Manning and leads the Giants to victory and utter embarrassment for the Patriots. Still, I guess I have to pick someone. I know a lot of people who are predicting the Patriots will blow them out. I’ve seen several others predicting the Giants will win, but for some reason, they seem to work for New York media outlets. There may be a connection there, but I choose not to delve into it.

Now, gambling-wise, I wouldn’t touch this game at all. On one hand, the Patriots haven’t been covering the spread in the second half of the season. That’s why the gamblers have bet an opening line of 13 ½ points down to 12. On the other hand, the Patriots are undefeated. They have the more potent offense. To be honest, I would be more likely to lean towards the Patriots covering 12 points. In fact, I could completely see the Patriots run away with it.

It’s not that the Giants don’t have some things going for them. They are in the Super Bowl. They did take the Pats to the wire in week 17. Some are pointing out how tested they are by winning 10 road games, including all three in the playoffs. The last team to make the Super Bowl after winning three road games in the playoffs was Pittsburgh who beat Seattle two years ago. Of course, if you look at that historical trend, the 1985 New England Patriots won three playoff road games on their way to the Super Bowl. After an admirable lack of effort, they managed to keep the score within a respectable 36 points against the Bears. You see, that’s the main reason I would discount this playoff road victory crap. The Steelers were facing a Seattle team with a nice record, but no one thought they were a really strong team. Plus, the Steelers played in the AFC which was also the much better conference two years ago. Much like today. Unfortunately for the Giants, they play in the weaker conference. So, you have a juggernaut of a team that will (with a win) go down as one of the all time greats playing a non-division winner from a weaker conference. That’s exactly what the ’85 Bears trouncing the ’85 Patriots was.

So, I can easily see this year’s Patriots steam-rolling a win. I’m not sure I think it’s more likely than the Patriots covering the spread, but I do think it’s more likely than the Giants winning. I’m not going to the stupid argument that the Patriots will now be more focused because the Giants are running their mouths. For one, Michael Strahan is right. How much better are the Patriots going to play? It’s the friggin’ Super Bowl. For another, how badly are media people when they make a big deal about Plaxico Burress predicting a 23-17 win or Antonio Pierce saying they aren’t there “to play second fiddle to anyone”? Give me a break. Are they supposed to say they just hope to keep it close? Are the Patriots going to pump themselves up by saying the Giants came to the Super Bowl not expecting to lose?

I just don’t think the Giants are as good as the Patriots. The Giants have a good defense and running game. I still think Eli Manning’s sole benefit to the team in the playoffs has been not screwing up. Their wins were never by more than 10 points and were over Tampa (decent team, but not really scary), Dallas (with Romo self-destructing again) and Green Bay (in bad weather which the Packers, ironically, didn’t seem to handle well). Now, the Giants did beat them. However, none of those teams are of the caliber of the Patriots. Burress said that the Giants’ have better receivers than the Patriots, but he’s stupid. They don’t. I find it very unlikely that Tom Brady will self-destruct like Romo did. Add to that the fact that Laurence Maroney has run good when the Patriots actually give the ball to him. And considering the game is in Arizona, the weather isn’t going to affect the Patriots’ passing game. As I said, the Giants’ defense has played well in the playoffs, and some people think it played well against the Patriots the first time around. Not sure how giving up 38 points at home is playing well.

I think the key for the Giants is controlling the clock with the running game. They did come out throwing in the first game, but I think the Patriots weren’t expecting that. They will this time. So, keep the Patriots offense off the field. Michael Turner was able to smash the Patriots defensive line, so that’s a plus for Brandon Jacobs. Ahmad Bradshaw has the speed to really cause problems for the Patriots’ linebackers. I don’t think Burress will get open against the Patriots the way he did against the Packers. Actually, I think the Patriots will actually adjust if he is getting open against them. The best chance to win could be on that Giants’ defense. They’ve got to hold because the Giants won’t win a shootout. They have too many drives that fall apart at crucial moments. In the first game, the Giants were more than matching the Patriots as they held a 28-16 lead after scoring on the first drive in the second half. They didn’t score again until the last drive with a minute left when they pulled within 38-35. The Patriots can score three unanswered touchdowns. The question is can the Giants? I don’t think so. Nor do I think Manning’s streak of not screwing up will continue. So, the Patriots win. If I had to bet, I would take them to cover the spread.

News of the Week

It's always nice when someone's death-by-stupidity is followed a family member showing where he got that stupidity. It recently happened after three dumbasses in Colorado got drunk and died when their car hit a light pole at over 100 mph. In the wake of brother's tragic death, one of them's sister remarked, "The thing that makes me feel much better about this is they died doing what they loved to do -- they were drinking, they were going fast, and they were together." Right. Your brother died in an avoidable accident, and you're happy because he took two others with him? Man, I bet she'd be ecstatic if they had taken out a school bus while they were at it.

A bunch of bureaucrats in D.C. got canned for surfing porn at work. Don't their coworkers get suspicious when they take their computer to the bathroom for an hour? Gee, I wonder why they thought such behavior would be tolerated in a city that looks for ethical leadership in city government. Remind me again why the District of Columbia isn't a state?

I'm supposed to be somewhere next weekend, but where the Hell was I going?

Nice to see England is quietly surrendering to the coming Eurabia. The latest example is a CD book being banned from a government award because it's based on the story of the Three Little Pigs. And as we all know, Muslims believe pigs are unclean and might be offended. Please. The thought that Muslims could possibly offended by children's books is ridiculous. That would be like them rioting over some cartoons. What's next? Threatening death on an actor who gets a wax statue?

Of course, when the Muslims take over England, they better be prepared to use the metric system exclusively. I've mentioned before the propensity of British cops to hassle middle aged women while avoiding real criminals. Well, now they are hassling one who used standard units of measurement at her vegetable stand instead of metric. Why did she do that? Her customers like standard weights better. In this country, we have government officials that go around checking scales and gas pumps and such. Of course, they generally don't take cops with them. And their function is to make sure things are calibrated correctly so the consumer won't be confused about what they're buying. If you pay for a gallon of gas, you should get one. In England, the point seems to be to confuse the consumer by making them take their produce in weights they aren't familiar with.

This home video of Atlanta during their latest "snowstorm" brought back memories of when I lived in northern Georgia. It's really cute to hear the term snowstorm used for 1 to 3 inches. One year I was living in Rossville, and we got 4 inches of snow (take that Atlanta). They were selling "I survived the blizzard" T-shirts. I found the 4 inches of snow as a hassle to be quite amusing because I lived in Louisville during the 1978 blizzard, and that was a real blizzard. Six years old and I couldn't walk through it. Come to think of it, I was in college in Owensboro, KY when the next big storm to hit in 1994 (it hit us before Louisville). Now, that one didn't have as much snow, but the cold was bone-chilling. This picture was taken almost a week after it hit. Just in time for a cookout. Hint: If you're drunk at 10am, it's not that cold.

Sadly, I've discovered that many of my co-workers in Lexington are a bunch of pussies when it comes to cold weather. Okay, it got fairly cold recently. However, when you're bitching that you made a mistake going out for lunch because it's only 20 degrees, you're a wuss. I realize that 20 second walk from the building door to a car is excruciating, but you know what? We survived.

I was kind of bummed that Fred Thompson dropped out of the Republican primary. Not did he have a voting record to match his speeches, he was in both The Hunt For The Red October and Die Hard 2 (would have been better if he had been in one of the other Die Hard movies, but it's still a Die Hard movie). On the Democratic side, Dennis Kucinich dropped out. I liked how the story said he would explain the "transition" later. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that no one was really voting for him. He couldn't even get a vote from his wife (because she's still a British citizen so she can't vote). I don't know if the UFO constituency is that small or if running on his record as the mayor of Cleveland when it went bankrupt wasn't the best move. Actually, the only positive I can see is that he proved hobbits can marry up women who are 30 years younger and a foot taller.

Well, if Phil ever decides to get back into the online dating websites again, I found a great one in Conjugalharmony.com. Nothing says love like a wife in prison for life. I signed up for all the girls in Mississippi because it's relatively close (fortunately, Fisty is there, and there's just something about that name). Then I realized the whole thing might be a joke. Then I was sad.

In serious news, a suicide bomber was trying to blow himself up in an Afghani marketplace. Except he fell down some stairs and detonated himself. Did I laugh? My ass off.

In other terror related news, Hamas was whining because Israel stopped shipments of diesel fuel to Gaza which was used to run the electric plant. The reason? There was a "spike in rocket attacks" against Israel coming from Gaza. Which implies that Israel had been sending the fuel when the rocket attacks against them were at an "acceptable" level. So, even though oil rich Arab countries have been known to raise a lot money for Arab suicide bombers from the Palestinian territories, those territories face starvation if they aren't supplied by Israel, a country that they've sworn to destroy? And the Israelis are the bad guys? It's pretty bad when the Washington Post isn't even buying it anymore.

The most interesting terror (sort of) case was the teenager who was arrested for planning to hijack a plane using handcuffs, duct tape and rope. Yeah, good luck with that wonderful plan. That's not even enough for a good S&M party. Or so I've heard. The best part was his goal. He was going to crash the plane into a Hannah Montana concert. Nice to have goals.

I hate the Sundance Channel. It takes advantage of me when I come home after a few (several) drinks by putting on movies I've never heard of but including intriguing synopsis on the cable guide. Which is how I end up watching Sleeping Dogs Lie. The guide said Bobcat Goldthwait wrote and directed it. He's funny. The father from Unhappily Ever After is in it. I liked that show. Maybe this will have an imaginary bunny. The guide says its a comedy about a woman who gets in her boyfriend's doghouse over a "sexual transgression" from her distant past. Funny people. Possibly kinky sexual situation. Why can't this be a good movie? Well, you can start by making the sexual transgression something along the lines of the woman giving oral sex to her dog while in college (kind of makes those college lesbian flings seem pretty tame). And she wasn't even drunk. I stayed with it out of bizarre curiosity on how she was going to tell her boyfriend. She kind of blurted it out at her parents' house, and then the rest of her family finds out which leads to her losing her boyfriend, severely damaging her relationship with her father and causing enough stress that it may have led to a fatal aneurysm in her mother. But then in the end, she meets a new guy who doesn't get told the Fido story, reconnects with her father (at her mother's funeral) and gets a note from her dead mother saying it was okay that she had sex with a dog because everyone makes mistakes. So, the moral of the story is that having sex with canines might be OK, but don't tell anyone about it. I really should have recorded this movie, because I think there could be a lesson for all of us in it.

Conference Championship Recaps

Someone please explain to me how so many coaches get so stupid in the playoffs. Last year we had the immortal Ron Rivera explaining that it never occurred to Chicago’s defensive coaches that Peyton Manning might resort to a series of short passes instead of his usual downfield gunning. Apparently, Rivera continued to believe that in spite of the fact that the Super Bowl was played in a steady downpour which isn’t conducive to deep passing. Oh wait. Rivera also continued to believe that in spite of the fact that Manning ran a short passing game the entire game. Of course, he might have been confused because Chicago’s offense continued to throw deep in spite of the fact the Super Bowl was played in a steady downpour which isn’t conducive to deep passing.

Well, in losing efforts, San Diego and Green Bay decided to prove that there’s no way they were going to change their original assumptions just because they weren’t working. With San Diego, it was their quarterback. I’m not going to mention names, but someone who looks and smells a whole lot like me suggested before the game that the Chargers would be better off if they benched Philip “My Knee Hurts” Rivers because a healthy Volek has to be better than a gimpy Rivers. Nothing Rivers did changed my mind. Some people were telling me they thought Rivers played well. Only four field goals tells me something different. It wasn’t that Rivers didn’t make some good throws. The problem is that he didn’t make any exceptional one (ones that Volek couldn’t have made), and he made some really bad ones. Rivers was obviously favoring the knee which is why he wasn’t stepping through his passes which caused them to be short of the receiver. Now, incompletions are a bad result of that. Even worse were the two interceptions on passes that came up short. There were also incompletions that resulted from his inability to scramble. He couldn’t run away from the rush or even step up much in the pocket, so too often he’s getting rid of the ball before he should, often while the receivers are just beginning their routes. I’ll let you in on a little secret. Receivers struggle to catch passes that hit them in the back.

I understand going for broke in a game like this, but you can’t tell me Billy Volek couldn’t have gotten at least one touchdown in this game. It could have set up well for the Chargers. Even though LaDanian Tomlinson was out, Michael Turner was plowing through people enough to keep the Patriots’ defense honest. Receivers were getting open. The Chargers’ defense was doing a good job. How often are you going to get three interceptions from Tom Brady? Yet, you lose 21-12 because you have to kick field goals all night.

What made the whole Rivers situation even dumber was the reaction of some commentators (and later columnists). Bill Cowher said at the half that the Chargers should pull Rivers because he was becoming a hindrance (I beat him to that suggestion by at least a quarter). To begin with, the columnist called him hypocritical because Cowher had left Ben Roethlisberger in games he was playing poorly. Well, to begin with, maybe that’s why Cowher has a good understanding about the situation. He has experience with it. But it’s comparing apples to oranges. Roethlisberger just wasn’t playing well so a lot of coaches would have let him play through because they knew he could play well. Rivers was hampered by a bad wheel. That ain’t going to heal during halftime. Boomer Esiason and Phil Simms disagreed which further proves just because I like you as a quarterback doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re pretty dumb. Their argument was Rivers is the “heart and soul of the team”, and they saw no reason to bench him. Well, let’s use hindsight and see who was correct (something the idiot columnist didn’t feel like pursuing). The Chargers scored 3 points in the second half. Since they were already down 5 points, 3 points meant nothing. Do Boomer and Phil think Volek couldn’t get 3 points in an entire half? Gee, I wonder if the Chargers would have had negative points in the second half if Rivers wasn’t the heart and soul of the team.

Then there was the Green Bay/New York fiasco that actually resembled the Super Bowl in a lot of ways. Green Bay really didn’t try to establish the run. They ran in obvious run situations to the point it was easy to tell when it was coming. Then in the fourth quarter, the Packers had two 3 and outs when they just needed to work downfield and kick a field goal. Instead, Favre is throwing deep on every play even though there was plenty of time left. I guess I can’t accuse the Packers of being too dumb, because I fully expected this to happen. Favre and Peyton Manning have the same mentality in games like this. They are bound and determined to win it themselves so they start chucking away. Manning did it last week against the Chargers, and two years ago, I thought his downfield chucking had as much to do with Indy’s loss to the Steelers as a missed field goal.

What was really dumb was what the Packers did on defense. New York’s running game was only so-so. Their backs had to work for every yard they got. The Giants’ passing game seemed to be Eli Manning throwing it in Plaxico Burress direction and hoping he would catch it. Which worked because of the defense the Packers were playing. They decided to single cover the receivers which would be okay if they were actually covering well. They weren’t. To begin with, Burress was making some great catches (where was that when he was in Pittsburgh). Steve Smith and Amani Toomer were making some great catches. Contrary to what the paper was saying, Eli was not making great throws (yards after the catch were pretty low). They were also getting open because the cornerbacks (Al Harris on Burress especially) were jamming the receivers at the line of scrimmage, but doing a piss poor job of it. They’d hit the receiver in the first five yards, but with little effect other than knocking themselves off balance and letting the receiver get five yards on them. Stayed in the same defense so receivers were wide open on the field. I was beginning to wonder how many yards Burress needed to get before the Packers gave Harris some help. Apparently 154. Once again, just plain dumb.

So, what does stupidity give me? Instead of watching a palatable matchup of Green Bay and San Diego, I get to watch a game between two teams I don’t like and never really have liked. I’m trying to figure out a way for both of them to lose because common morality says I can’t wish for their planes to crash into each other on the trip to Arizona. My best hope is that Eli Manning gets hurt and Jared Lorenzen leads them to victory. Can you imagine the response if the Patriots’ perfect season was derailed by the Pillsbury Throwboy?

Little Stories

Have I ever mentioned how little respect I have for the Congressional delegation from Alaska? Actually, I have, especially about Senator Ted Stevens. It just boggles my mind the gall that delegation has when it comes to federal appropriations. That state is basically a federal welfare leech that sucks more money per person from the federal dole than any other state. Yet, it doesn't even have a state income tax, and citizens there get a dividend check from oil production. That still doesn't stop those sons of bitches from trying to freeload some extra money. Before they had the "bridges to nowhere". Now, they have the "ferry to nowhere" which is a federally funded ferry where the bridges would have gone. Hey, if they want a ferry, fine. Just pay for it yourself.

Speaking of people on the federal dole, the Katrina victim society is still in action. You would think that no other state had ever been hit by such a large hurricane. Well, Katrina was a category 3 when it hit land in the U.S.. Hurricane Andrew made land as a category 5. I saw the damage that Andrew made. Homestead was flattened. Yet, its citizenry picked themselves up and rebuilt. What happens in New Orleans? First, they riot over the tearing down of some old public housing to redevelop which might be inconvenient for freeloaders. Then I see where one of the biggest activists/freeloaders lived in a "free" (to her) apartment with a 60 inch television. Have they ever thought of a means test for free housing? Things like if you have a new 60 inch TV, you have the means to pay your own damn rent. Now, we're finding where such "victims" are filing huge claims from the government, including several for billions of dollars. A spokeswoman said "we're taking every claim seriously". Well, first thing to do is fire her ass for stupidity if she thinks a billion dollar claim should be taken seriously, let alone a $3 quadrillion one. The second thing to do is start charging people with fraud. A government compensation claim is not a wishlist. If there isn't a valid reason for that amount, the person filing the claim lied on a federal form. Taking every claim seriously my ass.

I'm watching the Florida/Kentucky basketball game, and it looks like the upper deck in Florida's arena is mostly empty. Gee, I thought this was a basketball school now. I guess their fans are front-runners.

Also listening to UL vomit up a loss to Seton Hall. Every time I begin to expect good things from this team, they really blow one.

We recently had the anniversary of the breaking of the Monica Lewinsky presidential hummer story on the Drudge Report. Interesting timing since Chris Matthews felt the need to apologize to for basically saying that Hillary Clinton's political career was built on her husband's adultery building sympathy for her. Didn't make much sense to me. I think her political career has been built because she was married to Bill Clinton who has a core following and already established political organization. That's why she would never think of divorcing him at this point. Although in fairness to her, I think Hillary has managed to build her own following (mainly women). Still, I don't want to talk about the bizarre Clinton marriage/partnership. I want to talk about how I was personally affected by the story breaking. At that time, the internet was a new toy. The breaking of the story on Drudge showed me that the internet could be more than just sports scores and pornography. It could be about important news stories. With pornographic slants.

There are certain stories that make you think "only in Sweden". This is one of them. The bomb squad was called to disarm a vibrating package. That package turned out to be a sex toy. Let this be a lesson to all of you. When you send a vibrator, take the batteries out. Batteries are expensive. Don't take the chance of them wearing down.

A transgendered womanthing is suing a hospital for not giving her a boob job. To be honest, I am in favor of boob jobs if that's what a woman wants. However, I am opposed to sex change operations. The reason for sex change operations is because the person "suffers" from Gender Identity Disorder or what I call by the acronym B.S.. I'm not going to say these people aren't suffering some kind of psychological problem. If they want to slice off junior, they are suffering a psychological problem. My beef (heh, heh, I said beef) is the question of what other psychological problem is solved by mutilating (and that is what is being done) the person? How about curing Narcissism by beating the patient until they are ugly? It's mental. Work on the brain. Studies are now showing that the mutilation isn't really working. But I don't want to talk about sex changes in general or religious affiliated hospitals' right to refuse to do elective surgery. I want to talk about this particular case. It is claiming that it wanted a boob job because "it will make her more feminine". I saw the picture. A boob job wouldn't be enough.

Larry Craig just won't go away. I've mentioned before my biggest problem with Craig isn't the gay thing (oh, wait, he says he isn't gay). It's the fact that he wants to have sex in a public toilet. Well, now he has the ACLU saying he has the right to have sex in a public toilet. I guess on one hand I should be happy that the ACLU is claiming a right to privacy in a public can since I've done some pretty bad things there. But they were dietary related. Public toilets are not private enough that anyone should be having sex there. Now, on the other point, I do agree with the ACLU. No one should be arrested for trying to pick up a date in the bathroom as long as the sex act is to take place elsewhere. While I think it's a pretty sick pickup joint, technically the behavior is no different than doing it at a bar or restaurant (or my favorite place, high school). Unless a person is insistent after being told no, asking someone for sex isn't really a crime. Tying them up and keeping them locked in a closet for several months is a crime. But damn it's fun.

If you're riding a bus in Fort Worth, you can feel free that you won't have to worry about someone reading the Bible out loud when you're on the bus. To be honest, I probably would have ignored this story except a quote from the bus lines spokeswoman that cracking down on noise from passengers "is a standard policy across country in the transit industry". Do bureaucracies always look for stupid people to speak for them? Have you ridden a city bus in a major city? You're lucky if you can hear the person next to you. Granted in the land of my high school graduation, they'll revoke your bus pass if you get a bunch of helpers to beat the Hell out of a fellow passenger.

Speaking of assault, George Clooney pissed off Fabio to the point that Fabio wants to kick his ass. Now that would have been a story. Fabio may have made his name as a romance novel cover boy, but he's a big guy. Clooney is shorter than me. I think Clooney would have gotten his ass kicked.

Reason #1,329,054 why a fence should also be built on the northern border. A Canadian woman sued her drug dealer because the crystal meth she used gave her a heart attack. I'm not real sure what the rationale was. To be begin with, the story said she didn't ask for change because she was already suffering the effects of a heart attack. So, I'm not real sure the crystal meth can be blamed for the heart attack. It's never happened to me. Plus, I think there is an expectation here. Did she really think crystal meth was good for her?

A man was sentenced to community service and probation for sending the guy who was cuckolding him a cow's head. The important line is that he "understands that in a civilized society a person cannot send a severed cow's head to anybody." Wanna bet? I can think of a lot of reasons why I should be able to mail a severed head to somebody. Boinking my wife would probably be on it.

NFL Conference Championship Picks

I really need to start picking based on point spread instead of straight up. I would have been three for four. The miss would have been the Colts. No way they should have failed to cover the spread, let alone lost to the Chargers. The Chargers didn't even have star running back LaDanian Tomlinson when they made the game winning drive, nor did they have Philip Rivers. Of course, the lack of Rivers meant the Colts had to face Billy Volek. And with Volek, you can't stop him. You can only hope to contain him. I guess last year was an aberration and the Colts are going to keep choking in the playoffs. The Cowgirls too. A lot of people (Terrell Owens mainly) are saying that Tony Romo's trip to Cabo should not be blamed for the loss. In theory, that's true. He choked in last year's playoff. It just seems he doesn't do too well with pressure on him. Which means you can't really blame Jessica Simpson unless one truly thinks her bodily secretions are toxic (something I'm willing to risk my life checking). The truly ironic aftermath of the Cowboys' loss was offensive coordinator Jason Garrett became the hot coaching property with Baltimore and Atlanta making a big push to hire him before he re-upped as OC with Dallas and got head coach pay (sucks to be Wade Phillips). All that for a one year coordinator who took over what was already a top 5 offense and simply maintained it until it coughed up a hairball against New York.

One interesting thing to note is both conference championship games are rematches of week 2 beatdowns. New England beat San Diego 38-14 then, and the Packers beat the Giants 35-13. Now, the Giants can take comfort in the fact that they've already won a rematch in the playoffs, but that's skewed by the fact that it was their third game against the Cowgirls and they lost the other two. Plus, in three other rematches in the playoffs, the original winner also won the second game. Jacksonville beating Pittsburgh for the second time and San Diego won rematches over both Tennessee and Indianapolis. Now, on to the games.

San Deigo @ New England
San Diego got absolutely thumped by the Patriots the first time around. Now, the Chargers played much better ball down the stretch. Is it enough to pull out a win this time around? Well, it will probably have to be without Philip Rivers. I think they would be foolish to put Rivers out there if he's got a partially torn ACL. I saw Dennis Dixon try to play with one of those for Oregon this year. He sucked and then completely blew it out on a play he didn't even take a hit. It's not so much that I'm concerned for Rivers' long term health. He showed by his antics again (jawing with Colts' fans when you aren't even playing anymore is chump behavior) that he's pretty much an ass. No, it's the fact that while Rivers may be a competant quarterback, I'm not convinced he's in an elite category or even a whole lot better than Volek. Give him a bad leg, and he's worse than Volek.

In fact, I think Volek may do a little better than a healthy Rivers would. Jacksonville had a good game plan going against the Patriots offensively. They didn't put up big rushing numbers, but the Patriots fear of it opened up the field for a safe play-action passing game for David Garrard. The Jags burned clock and moved the ball well with only one punt. Unfortunately for them, the only two turnovers were by Jacksonville. When those are combined with a defense that couldn't make one stop, the Jags were always just behind. Rivers has the ability to have a huge game, but he also can be inconsistent. Volek has two things going for him. He's been less mistake prone in previous seasons (mostly in Tennessee) than Rivers. He also hasn't played a whole lot this year. One big advantage the Patriots have is they always seem to have better info on their opponents (often by cheating). Not much game film on Volek with the Chargers, and a couple of other non-starters (Kyle Boller and AJ Feeley) had some of the better quarterback performances against them.

San Diego has some other things going for them. Their defense is better than Jacksonville, and they lead the league in interceptions. That could be a key since the game could be windy which could affect the passing game. If play action worked with Jacksonville, it should work with LaDanian Tomlinson. Only hitch could be that LT got hurt in the last game. While he's expected to play, a less than 100% LT could give the game to the Patriots. Michael Turner is a good back, but he doesn't have the shiftiness that LT does. Another problem is safe passes often go to tight ends and San Diego has a good one in Antonio Gates, but he's hurt too.

The biggest problem for the Chargers is the Patriots. They haven't lost a game. They've been lucky, but they are good. And San Diego isn't going to sneak up on them after the Chargers' giant Russian called them out (although I like the confidence). The Patriots are now running the ball well, so the wind may not hurt the Pats' passing game as much as it could have. Plus, the Chargers need to get away from the Jags' idea to shut down Randy Moss. They did shut him down, but Tom Brady completed 25 out of 27 passes to everyone else because everything short was open. So, who is the pick? The spread opened at 15, and if I could get that now, I would definitely take the Chargers to cover that spread. While they absolutely killed a lot of opponents, they weren't doing it so often at the end of the year. In their last nine games (including playoffs), only three teams didn't cover a 12 point spread spread, let alone 15 points. However, I think the Patriots make the Super Bowl.

New York Giants @ Green Bay
This is a weird game. Green Bay thumps Seattle to get a home game in a freezing cold Green Bay against a Giants' team that needed Dallas to self-destruct to even be here. I'm still not sure how the Giants pulled that off, but I'll let Hitler give it a shot (note: this video could be considered pretty offensive, but I hate the Cowboys so I'm linking it). Yet, to read a lot of the press, the Giants should be the 6 1/2 point favorite, not the Packers. It's almost like there is a bias towards teams that are based on the eastern seaboard. Almost like an East Coast Bias in sports writing. The assumption this is based on is the Giants are a hot team who win on the road and are led by a newly mature Eli Manning.

Let's look at these assumptions. The "hot team" assumption is based on winning two playoff games and only losing to New England by three. Well, since their week 9 bye week, the Giants are 6-4 including those two playoff wins. Really scorching there. As for the road wins, it is impressive that they've only lost one road game, but until wins over Tampa and Dallas in the playoffs, they only played two other playoff teams on the road and went 1-1 at Dallas and Washington. Color me not totally impressed. As for Eli Manning suddenly maturing, don't make me laugh. The concept of Eli playing great is that he doesn't throw the crippling interception at a crucial point like he has so many times. Of course, the reason is that the Giants don't want him passing at all in the second half. In the second half at Dallas, the Giants had only one scoring drive, and it began on Dallas' 37 yard line. On the other drives, he tried three passes with one completion. The other two didn't really count as attempts because he took bad sacks on both of them. Which I guess is better than throwing a pick. The question is - if they had needed to drive the field for a touchdown, would anyone have put money on Eli getting them one?

The Giants do have a chance. For one, their defense is playing pretty well. And they have a strong running game which is important when playing in Siberia, Wisconsin. However, I'm not sure their defense is playing as well as some think. Tampa really wasn't an explosive offense, and Dallas just choked. The plays were there for them, but the Cowgirls just didn't execute. Minnesota and New England flat blew the Giants up in the latter half of the season. Otherwise, the Giants were shutting down teams with less than stellar offenses. I don't think the Packers are going to fold as easily. Yeah, Brett Favre didn't play that well in the cold a few weeks ago, but I think it was the Bears' defense that was the bigger problem. He's really struggled with them of late. Last week against Seattle, he played great in the snow. So did running back Ryan Grant. I think the Giants will need more than 24 points this week.

As for the Giants running in the snow, they might be able to, but they've been talking a lot about how they plan on dealing with it. That's a bad sign for New York fans. If their team is that worried about the cold, they won't be focused on the actual playing. I think playing in that kind of cold is somewhat psychological. Yes, Green Bay players are more used to it, but how many games have they actually played in absolutely freezing weather? Not a whole lot. The Packers don't practice outside when it's that cold either. Sure, living in it means they are more used to it. And I think that gives them the edge because they just aren't worried about it. So, I think the Packers win and they cover the 6 1/2 point spread.