Catching Up On The News

Senator Ted Stevens of Alaska has been indicted for taking improper gifts. Hey, if that's what it takes to get that worthless bastard out of the Senate, I'll take it. I've been so tired of seeing him treat the federal budget as an Alaskan pork project.

Now, this criminal decided to do his theft the old fashioned way - rob his daughter's pizza place. Real friggin' genius. The cops say the daughter didn't know that her father, mother and husband were planning to rob the place. I'm not really buying it. How stupid would that be? Look at the video. His disguise was pathetic. Why would you take a chance of your daughter blurting out your name (which happened after a co-worker went Mike Tyson on her old man and she tried to pull him off and by that, I don't mean a handjob)?

Speaking of family criminal enterprises, I still can't get over the Caylee Anthony case in Florida. A woman has been arrested after her two year old daughter disappeared. This Mom Of The Year candidate was arrested because the child was missing a month before the police were notified because Mom wanted to conduct her own investigation. And what she told the police was she left the child with a babysitter (who no one knows) at an apartment (that no one has lived in for month) and a wealth of other lies. Now, Grandma seems to think it's a terrible injustice that Mom was arrested and they should let her go so she can help the investigation. Apparently, she would stop lying and withholding info from the cops if they would just let her go. Grandma is also angry that investigators won't take it on faith that Mom didn't do anything wrong. My favorite comment was Grandma's reaction to cops not wanting to talk to her - "They're treating me like a child. I'm not a child." No. You're worse. You're either an accomplice to whatever your daughter did. Or you're one of the stupidest people on the planet. Is there a chance the toddler is alive? Maybe, but why would Mom be so uncooperative if she was? The only way that child is alive is if Mom sold her to a pedophile.

A David Lee Roth impostor fooled a lot of people in some minor country. I'm not sure which is more pathetic. That someone thought pretending to be David Lee Roth would be cool. Or people were impressed enough to want to hang out with David Lee Roth.

This British reporter is apparently complaining about something to do with bras and stuff, but I kind of lost track once the picture of her with enormous funbags came up.

At least she's not whipping them out for a bunch of underage teens like this Florida woman. The kids say it was a game of Truth or Dare. She said she was just hot. Normally, I'm okay with women taking their shirts off. However, I'm not sure it's a good idea to do it with minors (who you've also supplied booze to). Or if you're as ugly as that woman was.

This is a 5 year old after my own heart. He tells the day care center that he needs to go the john and then leaves. And ends up at a Hooters. As far as I'm concerned, there area lot worse places he could have gone.

But that's enough about boobs. How about a story about bush? Siena Miller (an actress I'm only vaguely aware of) is playing the girlfriend of Richard Neville (someone I'm completely unaware of) in a movie about hippies (a subject I could care less about). However, there was a problem. Siena doesn't have enough pubic hair to play a hippie. So, instead of a wig or something, they're just going to digitally add a giant pubic foliage. Probably a good decision. Considering hippie hygiene, they would have to kill a buffalo to make a wig for that.

I probably shouldn't laugh about a 16 year old girl getting groped on a plane. But it was a Polish priest. I could go with the Polack jokes or take a cheap shot about her being too old and the wrong gender for a priest. I'm just stunned about how dumb he is. After copping a feel, he goes straight for the zipper trying to get her pants down. On a plane. You can at least attempt to deny groping by calling it a misunderstanding. Yanking her zipper down pretty much gets rid of that.

These stories piss me off. Some douchebag family got a mini-mansion built for them by that Extreme Makeover show. In addition, a bunch of money was raised so they could pay several years worth of property tax. So, they get a house free and clear with no tax liability. They're about to have it foreclosed because they took out a $450K loan against it. Now, that's not really what pissed me off. If I got worked up over every story about stupid people,.........anyway, what pissed me off was the second paragraph where they were described as "victims" of the mortgage problems. What a friggin' crock? How are they a victim when it was their stupid financial decisions that led to this?

The Democratic convention is Denver was probably going to be amusing enough since retarded protesters will be looking to make asses of themselves. Nothing makes people flock to your cause better than throwing piss on cops. But the guys running it are really adding to that. Some ideas are good. The mayor says that he'll turn the sprinklers on nutsacks who want to camp in public parks. Some ideas are bad. Fried food has been banned at the Democratic convention (and color codes are mandated for meals). I guess the Democrats are trying to change their image as proponents of nanny-state over-regulation. Some are just plain strange. In an effort to get the homeless out of the way, they are going to give them tickets to movies, museums and other places while the convention is on. Gee, I didn't realize the Democrats found the homeless so embarrassing (or irritating). Let's be serious. Is the price of a ticket the only thing keeping your average homeless person from visiting the local museum? And what if you're an average Denver resident who doesn't want to fool with the convention crap and decides to take the family to a movie? I'm sure having an unwashed, bi-polar panhandler and his cart in the theater with you will enhance the moment.

PETA. The stupidest protest group out there. They had a little tiff with Jessica Simpson for sporting a "Real Women Eat Meat" T-shirt. Which means if I'm ever in the same room with Simpson, my fly will be open because if you wear it on your shirt, you have to follow through. It's a law or something. PETA's best quote was "she doesn't have the right to eat what she wants." Yeah, sure. I bet there a lot more steakhouses in this country than branch offices of PETA. Nice to see Fascism is alive and well. Actually, the whole story makes me want to go out and eat a baby harp seal. With bacon because everything tastes better with bacon. Actually, I wouldn't do that. I don't like seafood.