A Few Musical Notes

Well, word on the street (and elsewhere) is that Al Gore’s Live Earth concert didn’t draw too well. In person or on TV. When you’re hoping for 2 billion viewers, and less than 19 million watched any of it on NBC’s family of networks (even worse, you only had to watch 6 minutes to be counted), you didn’t do so well. Now, most people would suspect that I think viewers were turned off by the message. Or by the sheer hypocrisy of the organizer, entertainers or the event itself. Not true. After all, Live Earth didn’t do much worse than Live 8 which was the last pointless, politically corr….I mean socially progressive musical event.

Okay, it was partially the message. After all, Live Aid was one of the most watched TV events ever. The difference between it and the last two? Live Aid had a concrete purpose – raising actual money to feed starving Africans. Granted, most of the money and food never arrived because the biggest cause of starvation in Ethiopia wasn’t drought. It was a despotic, Communist government that used famine as a political weapon. Sending money through them was like sending money to a crackhead relative and expecting him to pay the rent. Still, I guess it was the thought that counted. Live 8 and Live Earth were pretty much all thought and no action. They just wanted you to “be aware”. Well, I can’t even remember much about the Live 8 message other than it had to do with erasing third world debt because everyone I know who couldn’t manage their money suddenly got good at it when someone else bailed them out. As for Live Earth, you would have to crawl into a pretty deep cave to not “be aware” that some people are concerned about global warming.

So, if everyone has heard about it, why did they have celebrities bitching about it so much? I looked at the set lists and after every act, some celebrity (or Mr. Excitement Al Gore himself) pops up to preach. So, either you don't feel like hearing it or you can recite it by heart. Not exactly something to get the juices flowing. Another thing I noticed from the set lists is that apparently Metallica only played three songs. So, if you are a heavy metal fan, you have to sit through two thirds of the day with bands like Keane, Duran Duran, and Genesis until you get to Metallica, and then it's a three song set.

Actually, that is the biggest problem. The London show had Metallica, Foo Fighters and the Red Hot Chili Peppers (why these West Coast bands were in London while Brits like the Police and Roger Waters were in NY is beyond me). I would watch those bands (although I wouldn't buy a ticket for the Chili Peppers), but then you have Duran Duran and Genesis who I liked but not enough to care about seeing them now. After that you have some rappers, soft pop bands and a bunch of people I've never heard of that I would not want to see even for free. Then you close with Madonna. I would rather listen to dogs humping than listen to Madonna. You can't throw such a motley collection of different musical styles together, let them play a handful of songs and expect their fan bases to come along for the ride. It's no wonder the internet streams did well. People wanted to skip the crap they didn't like. You can't do that on the Bravo network.

Speaking of crap music that I don't know about, I read this article about Avril Lavigne being sued for allegedly ripping off her song "Girlfriend" from The Rubinoos "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend." The only thing I know about Lavigne is that she once did a photo spread in Maxim and wore pretty much her regular outfit of jeans and full top. I expect a little more cheese in my cheesecake. Yet, no swimsuit or lingerie. I mean, what was the point? But I digress. What I found interesting was that her flack said they consulted "the country's foremost musicologists" to decide that she hadn't ripped off the song. So, I found the two songs on iTunes, and the preview let me listen to the choruses (I wasn't going to buy them). After listening, I was reminded of Thomas Beecham's quote "A musicologist is a man who can read music but can't hear it." Actually, I'll go farther about these "musicologists". What a bunch of dumbdicks. The Rubinoos chorus went "Hey, Hey, You, You, I wanna be your boyfriend". Lavigne's went "Hey, Hey, You, You, I could be your girlfriend". I know the similarities seem a bit subtle, but when you added the music to it, it's a bigger ripoff than Vanilla Ice stealing the tune from "Under Pressure".

Was anyone else holding their breath waiting for a Spice Girls' reunion?

Didn't Barbara Streisand once tell people to use a clothesline to save energy?

And finally, have you ever run across a song that you pray to God is a parody, because if it's serious, it's one of the most horrific things you have ever heard? I really hope the woman in the video is playing a big joke on all of us because the alternative is highly disturbing. And what the Hell were those kids' parents thinking when they signed the release for this?

The Past Few Days - A Recap

Today’s moron report highlights Senator David Vitter of Louisiana who acknowledged that his phone number was among those released by the DC Madam. Of course, that means it’s not too surprising that he’s a Rudy Guliani supporter since Rudy seems to find wives to be an intrusion into a man’s sex life. Still, infidelity is stupid enough (especially a public figure), but this guy just added on. I do understand why this type of cheater would visit the best little whore ring in Washington. Your “date” probably won’t know who you are, so you don’t get little entangling problems that a girlfriend on the side would get you (like bragging to her friends that she’s doing somebody high up in the political food chain). Plus, you can pay extra and get really kinky stuff that a wife or steady girlfriend may not be up for. Or so I would assume. That said, how stupid do you have to be to leave a record of your involvement? I have to assume Vitter’s making the admission because it’s his office or home number which he’s probably given to reporters in case they want a sound bite and could now check against the list. Ever heard of a pay phone? Why not pull a Jerry Springer and write a personal check?

Of course, it’s highly unethical of the madam to release the phone numbers. After all, part of the payment is for discretion. Actually, I don't understand the legal strategy. Deborah Jeane Palfrey is denying she ran a whore for hire business, but this gives the prosecution potential witnesses. As long as the phone numbers were hidden, no one was coming forward. Now others will be like Vitter and assume they will be found out. Palfrey seems to think it would be tough to figure this out, but how long would it take a newspaper intern to enter all those numbers in a database to cross reference with reporters' list of contact numbers in D.C.? People start admitting they were clients, and suddenly they can be subpoenaed to tell what she really did.

One thing that really confused me about the article was that it stressed Vitter’s leadership to defeat the latest immigration amnesty bill. Really, what does that have to do with this? If he had been opposing the legalization of paid sex, that should certainly be included, kind of like a Texas state legislator shooting a house thief after opposing a law that makes it easier to claim self-defense in such situations. That would certainly have a connection. Immigration? Not so much. Unless they think he really likes blonds with big hooters and wants to protect their job from Mexican girls willing to give BJs for ten bucks and a burrito. And don’t think this means I know how much a BJ from a Mexican hooker costs, because I don’t. Stop rolling your eyes. I really don't.

Speaking of messing around (or being messed around on), I found this column on Hillary Clinton somewhat interesting. Well, the line about her enemies referring to her as “Her Thighness” was one I hadn’t heard and was pretty funny. Actually, the interesting part was saying women were questioning her “authenticity”. What? Do they think she has a wang? It would explain why Bill Clinton was laying pipe all around the country, although having Hillary as a wife (even if she's a woman) explained that. Yet, it still wouldn’t explain Chelsea.

CRAP.

Should I feel bad that this Pakistani religious leader was killed inside his mosque by security forces? Well, considering the fact that his followers supported the Taliban, kidnapped people off the street, turned a women’s religious school into an armed compound and used young children as human shields, I can’t say that I’m too sorry about that. Well, at least he wasn't caught in an embarrassing situation like his transvestite brother.

I've mentioned before that I think a journalism degree doesn't indicate any level of intelligence (and often a lack of). I was in Louisville when the police chief held a press conference to talk about the discovery of a missing child in a garbage truck. The chief had just finished explaining that the child was in a garbage bag as a way to explain why he wasn't noticed in the garbage can before being dumped. A reporter then asked if he thought the boy had been put there or could he have possibly climbed into the garbage can. How stupid can someone be? I'm sure a four year old would always think to tie themselves into a trash bag before diving into a trash can.

Of course, stupid actions trump stupid words as a reporter from a Chicago news station had to quit after a video was made showing her at pool party at the home of a missing woman. Whose story she had been covering. And hosted by the husband who is a prime suspect. But, hey, as far as we know, she's just hanging around someone she's covering while wearing a bikini. It's not like she's sleeping with him. What journalist would do that?

According to the radio on my drive home, there's a baseball game tonight. Supposedly the All-Star Game, but the fact that they have to put a Tampa Devil Ray on the squad tells a different tale. I could not believe it when I read that Tampa has lost at least 91 games every season of their existence. Upon further checking, their best season was the 70-91 team in 2004 that is also the only Tampa team not to finish in fifth place (commonly referred to as dead last) in their division. They finished fourth. Actually, I'm a little sick of hearing how the baseball All-Star Game is the "only All Star game that matters" because the league that wins gets home field advantage in the World Series. Well, duh. No other professional league would be dumb enough to do that. NFL players are just trying not to get hurt in the Pro Bowl. NBA players don't want to play defense. The MLB All Stars do play for something, but they shouldn't. It's been mentioned many times by many people, but there seems to be something wrong with a team getting home field based on an exhibition game. Especially when no team has more than five players on an All Star roster. Of course, the old way was almost as bad when they just alternated each year. With interleague play, just use the normal practice and the team with the better overall record gets home field advantage. Though, since it's baseball, I won't be watching anyway.

News And Notes

Another day, another terrorist attack. After some in Iraq, Afghanistan, Thailand, Indonesia, Lebanon......I could go on, but now they are back in England. And an Associated Press writer shows common sense is not part of the job description as he wonders what the connection could be. Mohammed Asha, Muhammad Haneef, Sabeel Ahmed, Khalid Ahmed, Bilal Abdulla? I caught the connection pretty quick, but it took Ben McConville about 21 paragraphs to mention there might be a Muslim connection. Of course, it doesn't help that the new British Prime Minister, Robert Brown, has stuck his head in the sand and told his ministers not to mention the fact that the terrorists are Muslim. Just because they are Muslims and radical Islam is most likely the main factor in their decision to try to kill a bunch of club hoppers and Scottish tourists is no reason to mention that. I guess people shouldn't mention that most Ku Klux Klansmen are white, because we don't want to offend white people who aren't in the Ku Klux Klan.

Now, I certainly won't give Brown the trophy for the most clueless when it comes to Islam. Not after reading about an Episcopal pastor who converted to Islam, but yet continues to be an Episcopal priest. It's one thing to have interfaith dialog, but this is flat retarded. As one theologian mentioned in the article, the status of Christ in the two religions means they aren't compatible. She can get away with that in Seattle, but I'd really like to see her go to Saudi Arabia and mention that she's a Muslim for Jesus.

On a lighter note, a man in Sweden is getting partial disability because he's a heavy metal music fan. He's 42 years old and can only get a job washing dishes? I didn't realize being a loser was a disability.

So sad. Al Gore's son and namesake was just busted for getting loaded on weed, driving 100 mph and carrying a personal pharmacy in his Prius. I'm sure his father was proud that he was driving a hybrid when caught because it's good advertising. I didn't think a Prius could do 100. Of course, doing 100 mph does lessen your gas mileage. I find the most interesting item to be that he was busted with an anti-depressant and ADD drug that he didn't have a prescription for. Granted, if my parents were Al and Tipper Gore, I would probably be depressed and unable to pay attention.

Speaking of weed, we just had a recent revelation that Dirk Minnifield smoked pot the night before the original Dream Game, and he thinks it cost UK the game especially after he passed up a dunk late in the game in favor of short jumper which was deflected by Charles Jones of Louisville. UK went on to lose in overtime. Now, to begin with, I'm like everyone else - shocked, absolutely shocked to find out a college kid was smoking pot. Now, the question is whether or not it affected his play. Maybe for his career. I know Billy Thompson had drug problems his first three years at Louisville when he was viewed as an underachiever. He got clean his senior year when UL won it all. Now, did the one night of pot hurt Minnifield for the Dream Game? Beats me. I've never smoked pot so I don't know how you feel the next day. I do know a hangover would affect him (or so I've been told about these hangover things), but I've always been told the advantage of pot over alcohol is no hangover with pot. Besides, I heard for years he was toking up all through high school and college. Does anyone really think this was the first game he smoked pot the night before? And Billy Thompson was on that UL team, so it wouldn't surprise me if some UL players weren't out in the parking lot with Minnifield. Minnifield was a great dunker, but Bozich is definitely right about one thing, Charles Jones was not an easy man to dunk on. Claiming your drug habit cost your team the game almost a quarter of century later is a bit much.

I really don't care about the New York Yankees. For one, it's baseball. Two, it's baseball. However, I have to chuckle about the recent escapades of the Alex Rodriguez soap opera. First, he gets caught on camera with some blond stripper with big knockers in Toronto while the wife was back in New York. And apparently, he was followed all over the city by the photographer and still took the woman back to his hotel. Genius. Now, his wife is wearing a shirt to a recent Yankees' game with "F--k you" printed on the back. Not sure why that's a scandal. Should fit right in at a New York baseball game. And supposedly, she's not all that mad about the infidelity thing (which makes me think he's got a good pre-nup). After all, it wasn't like he was playing golf in Pennsylvania.

Still, it doesn't have near the shock value of the two women getting it on in the bathroom at a public pool with kids all around. Oh, and another woman was taping it. You know there is a time and a place for everything. This doesn't seem to be the right time or place for something like that. Of course, if the bystander who wandered in wanted to make them stop, she should have gone into a stall and took a dump with lots of loud grunting. That's a mood killer right there. At least I hope it is.

I wonder if any of those women who like taking their clothes off in public are going to make the big time. You know, pictures in the top of a pizza box. Nothing says sexy like porn on a greasy cardboard box. Don't they have the internet in Canada?

Happy Birthday America

Actually, it's not really America's birthday. At least not in the sense of what we are today. America's birthday should really be when the ninth state ratified the Constitution (NH June 21, 1788). That's what made this a country rather than a bunch of little countries in semi-union as it was under the Articles of Confederation. To be truthful, I don't even consider it to be the true "Independence Day". Sure, they passed the final draft of the Declaration of Independence on July 4th, but that didn't really change anything from a rebellion to independence. It wasn't until Cornwallis' surrender at Yorktown that the colonies were recognized as no longer being part of England. And that's your history lesson for today. Still a good time for a day off.

This Myspace Thing

I've been trying to figure out something ever since I read that Myspace is the sixth most popular website - how does it turn a profit? I assume it must be profitable because News Corporation spent a ton of money on it and Rupert Murdoch doesn't like to lose money on anything. Yet, I look at the pages and there is advertising which has to be worth quite a bit due to over 100 million users, but how many people click on that crap? Yet this thing has to cost a ton to run. It's got to have memory space and servers for over 100 million sites. There has to be some licensing for some of the music and videos. Paying a few hundred people to run it. That adds up.

Yet, it seems to have avoided one type of advertising yet still annoys with it. I got a small glimmer into Myspace the normal way. Some girl in your group at a bar is taking pictures and says she's putting them on her Myspace page. You go to make sure that there isn't a picture of me looking stupid (always a concerns for many of us), and you have to be registered to look at pictures. So, you try to register under your name, but it isn't available so you set up an email address based on your brand of bourbon and register under that name. You need a picture so you grab one off your hard drive, say a picture of a Denny Crum bobblehead. Add some personal information that may or may not be true. Write up a small blurb of stupid crap. Or as is often in my case, a long rambling blurb of stupid crap. So, now you're registered so you can look at the pictures. You look at the pictures and promptly forget that you even set the damned thing up.

You forget until much later when you're voting for something that uses email addresses to limit it. You're trying to maximize your voting and you remember the bourbon email address. And when you check it, it's still active (as is the Myspace page). Why is it still active? Because a bunch of strippers and two bit porn actresses wanted to be your friend. So, you're being spammed without Myspace being paid for it (supposedly). In fact, Myspace is subsidizing it. Doesn't seem like a solid business plan.

The NBA Draft

Ah, the NBA Draft. Not near as good as the NFL draft no matter what Mark Story said in the Lexington rag. Actually, considering he said that the NBA Draft might be the single best day of sports each year proves he's a moron. After you get past the Oden/Durant argument, you start wondering things like "who is going to take the 7 foot Chinaman". He fails to mention that watching the NBA draft means you have to keep your finger on the mute button for when they go to Stephen A-hole Smith. Still, I'm going to blog it just so I can make fun of a bunch of stiffs who get drafted because they are tall but slow.

Well, Portland takes Greg Oden with the first pick. Smart move. Outside the Michael Jordan Bulls, the '04 Pistons are the only team to win an NBA championship since 1990 without a big man taken with the number one pick. Otherwise, it's Hakeem Olajuwon (2), Shaq (4) and Timmy Duncan (4). Not that taking a big man number one is always a good idea - think Kwame Brown and Michael Olowokandi-ass. But I don't think that will be Oden. And Seattle gets a nice consolation prize with Durant.

Side note - support local candidates when you vote.

And Milwaukee selects the 7 foot Chinaman after three other teams didn't. Al Horford - good pick. Michael Conley Jr - who knows. Jeff Green - getting traded to Seattle so who cares.

Charlotte takes Brandan Wright from North Carolina. Apparently they were sold by his prospectus that said "doesn't play hard". He'll be the fourth Tarheel on Charlotte's roster. Get a UNC guard, change the team colors to powder blue, and maybe they can draw a crowd.

Joakim Noah made history when he became the third player drafted out of Florida this year (no school has ever had three players drafted in the top ten in the same year). He may make history in the future when he becomes the first player drafted by the NBA and the WNBA. His English is as bad as that guy from China's.

Side note - I'd like to send a little shout out to the guy in front of me at the self-checkout line in the store today. It's called a fast lane because we're supposed to be done quickly. If you're too damned ignorant to ring up produce yourself, go to a regular line.

Okay, Sacramento just drafted Spencer Hawes so we've got the first stiff and the first use of "upside". A non-athletic 7 footer who doesn't rebound well or block shots. That's a can't miss product.

Four guys taken to end the "lottery" part of the show. Then we get Rodney Stuckey, Nick Young and Sean Williams. I thought Dick Vitale said this was going to be one of the deepest drafts ever. Well, he says a lot of stupid things.

Great. Knicks might have made a trade to get Portland head-case Zach Randolph which leads to Stephen A-hole touching himself and extended screen time for Spike Lee to celebrate. Let's see, Portland gets Greg Oden, and New York gets a true team player who is also a suspension waiting to happen. Of course, when he said Bill Bradley could shut down Larry Bird, I knew Spike Lee was a typical New York sports fan. Loud and clueless.

Side note - They're holding Congressional hearings on NFL disability payments. When are they going to focus on the true injury epidemic - hurt jaws from competitive eating?

A second player from Georgia Tech was just drafted. I would have thought with two players taken in the top 19, Tech should have won at least one tournament game.

Hey, more garbage about Kobe Bryant wanting a trade. What's he going to do if the Lakers don't trade him? Not play? Pout? That will endear him to the masses.

Side note - Considering the great strides sportwriters make to distinguish professional wrestling from real sports, the sports news websites sure are carrying a lot of stories about Chris Benoit's double murder-suicide. Do they think this means Barry Bonds will wig out and kill people?

And once again, a big deal is made when the local New York team drafts someone (Wilson Chandler? Who the Hell is that?). Should we all begin to question God as to why we weren't born a New York "insert team name" fan? Well, except Phil because he used to be a Mets fan.

San Antonio takes another South American - Tiago Splitter from Brazil. Which led to the graphic about how many international players are on the Spurs. Beginning with Tim Duncan. From the U.S. Virgin Islands. Let me point out that the "U.S." in U.S. Virgin Islands stands for United States. How is a U.S. citizen from a U.S. territory considered an international player?

Side note - I would look into getting one of those iPhones except I already have an iPod and I don't really like talking on the phone and it's $500.

Well, they finished the first round with a true international player - Howdy Doody.... I mean Petteri Koponen who played for the Honka Espoo Playboys in Finland. And I'm not making that team name up. Sounds like people into kinky backdoor sex.

And I'm going to quit as we get into the second round. To keep interest, the semi-worthless commentators will be trying to portray the draftees as the next Carlos Boozer or Gilbert Arenas. Oh, and they've already started the discussion about guys who came out "too early". Sure, some of these guys will look like schmucks for coming out early when they drop out of the first round (and guaranteed money). However, for a lot of them, they don't like school and want to leave anyway. An athletic career is a finite time, so for many, it makes sense to get your career started. There is no guarantee these guys are going to help their draft status by staying an extra year. It's not like the first round is littered with seniors. Did Glen Davis really help himself by staying an extra year?

Okay, I had to add one more point. In the second round, the Miami Heat just drafted a guy named Stanko.

Taxes Equal Charity?

Originally I thought the most interesting news of the week would be the return of the P'Zone at Pizza Hut. Nothing like a big ass calzone for dinner. This is the type of food that will fill you up. Unless you have a tapeworm. Plus, the other good thing is that it's completely portable. That means I can take it home rather than eat it at the restaurant where they serve those horrible Pepsi products. Now, while this news makes me happy, it isn't the most interesting. The most interesting is the story about the University of Oregon study that found paying taxes makes people happy.

Stories like this simply remind me why I don't get concerned about the cost of tuition rising at a much higher rate of inflation. Well, actually the main reasons I'm not concerned is that I'm out of school and don't have children. Actually, I don't want to smart people getting themselves into incredible amounts of debt trying to go to college. I'm OK with stupid people going into debt. Still, I lose my concern because these rising costs can be attributed to factors that could be solved if colleges really want to. For instance, getting rid of inefficiency. Making professors actually teach classes rather than countless sabbaticals. Stop having a bunch of classes that no one goes to. Or having pointless classes that many people go to, but really don't have much education value, like a class on pornography. Give me a break. Don't give course credit for watching porn. Make them watch it on their own time. College students have it easier these days with the Internet. When I was in college, you only had bootleg videos and magazines if you wanted porn.

Yet, those issues pale in comparison to stupid studies. This study isn't just pointless. It's downright retarded. First off, why do I get the feeling that a group of people already sucking off the government teat wouldn't have a predisposed notion that taxes are good? Second, the study only has 19 people, and all of them are women. Great sampling. Third, they aren't really giving anyone money. It's a fake account. These people simply aren't giving away their own money. I learned when I worked summers for the Army that it's a lot easier to spend someone else's money than your own.

Those issues alone make this study complete crap. However, the biggest problem is that giving money to charity is not the same as paying taxes. I really do believe that charitable giving does make people feel better. In fact, way back in college I argued that true altruism doesn't exist because the proverbial "warm fuzzy" is a benefit to the one practicing it. But paying taxes is not the same as donating to charity. Donating to charity is something people do because they want to. Plus, they give it to whoever they want to give it to. Taxes are basically extortion (and in the best line ever, the taxers want a thank you for it). Pay them or go to jail. It doesn't matter if you believe in what it goes for. Conservatives have to subsidize welfare. Pacifists have to subsidize the military. Parents with children in private school have to pay property taxes to pay for public schools they don't use. Hell, I have to indirectly pay property taxes (factored into rent) to support schools even though I don't have kids. If these researchers really wanted to find out how people feel about taxes, they should have paid their subjects to be in the study. Then they should have taken half their paychecks to fund a junket for the professors to go to some pointless conference (which is much closer to what your tax dollars fund than a food bank). Let's see how positive a reaction they get from that?

More Random News And Notes

Told you a long time ago (well, a month anyway) that Paris Hilton wouldn't serve her entire sentence. Ironically, now she might. A lesson to be learned - don't piss off the judge.

Speaking of the law, a woman was just awarded $29K for false arrest because the New York court system ruled a long time ago that since a man walking around topless isn't indecent exposure, neither is a topless woman in public. I wonder if a bunch of topless women are now going to be wandering the streets of NY hoping an overzealous cop takes them in. Why not? I've heard rumors of these clubs where women take their clothes off and dance for men waving singles at them. Unless these "strip clubs" are an urban legend, those girls could get paid and not even dance.

In a sad story with a happy ending, the Australian town of Hinton was cut off by floodwater. Yet, the emergency services stepped up and delivered beer. I'm thinking of building a moat around my apartment building to see if I can sucker the city into delivering me beer. Unfortunately, Lexington struggles to fill potholes. They may not be up to the challenge of delivering beer.

Now, Applebee's can get alcohol to you. Even in a sippy cup to a two year old. I'm not sure why the mother was mad. A margarita is a lot more expensive than apple juice. Okay, so the kid got sick, but kids get sick all the time. But I think the moral of the story is toddlers just can't hold their liquor. Sure I got sick the last time I drank Tequila, but I had to drink a lot of it and chase it with Stroh's.

It's always nice to find out that women are just as degenerate as men. At least in England. And I think we all really knew that.

And in Texas, sex is selling the news as a bikini model is now the anchorwoman of the local newscast. Some people are outraged because she doesn't have a journalism background. So what? What do they need to know besides how to read a teleprompter?

I realize that there are a lot of dicks in the workplace, and it's entirely possible some exhibit psychopathic behavior there (I know I do). However, in this story about the "workplace psychopath", a moronic doctor actually says "I think the workplace psychopath is actually more dangerous than the violent criminal psychopath". Really? Does this mean he would rather deal with a hatchet wielding nutsack over the workplace asshole?

Speaking of psychopaths, another study has found that Muslims who favor a larger role of Islam in politics were also more likely to support terrorism. You think? What's next? A study that shows those same people believe it's okay to kill their daughter for refusing to be forced into an arranged marriage?

I guess animals can go psycho too as this squirrel went on a rampage in Germany. However, I don't think the squirrel was crazy. The animal kingdom has declared war on us. Fighting back will be tough. In this country, you can't even shoot a few dolphins (the elite special forces of the sea). Norway won't even let you boil a few crabs (although originally I thought the article was about controlling jock itch).

This wouldn't be a problem if we had all listened to Bob Barker and spayed or neutered our children. Or was it pets? I can't really remember. Now, Bob is gone. And he's promoting Rosie O'Donnell as his replacement. He says she wants to host the Price Is Right. Of course she does. She can't wait to get her hands on Barker's Beauties. I think half of them have posed for Playboy at one time or another (and one is now an anchorwoman in Texas). And nailing one is not grounds for dismissal but you might get sued. More good news for Rosie. Donald Trump may not have been mean to her when he called her fat. Experts are now saying doctors should be blunt when talking to fat kids about their weight. So, if telling a four year old they are fat instead of "husky" is a good thing, it should be just as good to do the same with a woman who has the intelligence and maturity of a four year old?

The Greatest News Story Of The Year

Without a doubt, this is the greatest news story I've heard this year. Granted, it's just in the rumor stages, but apparently Dale Earnhardt Jr will sign a contract to drive for Hendrick Motorsports next year. As I mentioned before, Junior had already announced he was leaving DEI next year, but he didn't have a plan in place. Now, he does. Actually, I'm kind of surprised that Hendrick is taking him since they have four drivers (maximum allowed for one owner) in place, but word is that they are dropkicking Kyle Busch to make room for Earnhardt. Busch is kind of a dick, so small loss for Hendrick.

It's a great move for Earnhardt. He showed in 2003 and 2004 that he could drive with the best of them as he finished third both years. The best was 2004 when he won six times and finished in the top five in 16 out of 36 races. Now he's going to the top team in NASCAR. Hendrick has won 10 of the 14 races this year with all four drivers getting at least one. So, he's not going to struggle because of equipment. I'm not so sure that it's that good for Hendrick even if Earnhardt is successful. Sure, he brings a ton of fans, money, and endorsements. The problem is that Hendrick already has a little rivalry between its top two drivers, Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson, about the pecking order. Throw in another alpha male who brings a larger following than either of the two, and there is more friction. Of course, teams from the same owner are pretty autonomous (as long as they aren't wrecking a teammate), and Gordon and Johnson have combined to win 57% of the races this year, so maybe it won't be a problem.

The reason I think it's funny is because of the effect it will have on Earnhardt's fans. As I mentioned before, I was never a Dale Earnhardt Sr fan so I'm not in the Earnhardt Jr inherited fanbase. Junior is a likable fellow so he did pick up some fans of his own to become the most popular driver in NASCAR, but my guess is the vast majority of his base came after his very popular father died on the track. And that inherited fanbase is insane. They make UK basketball fans seem rational. Okay, somewhat rational. Earnhardt Sr's fans were a bunch of crazed, redneck nutsacks when he was alive and degenerated after his death. And in their eyes, who is NASCAR's Anti-christ? Dale Jr's newest teammate Jeff Gordon. I have yet to meet a longtime Earnhardt fan who doesn't absolutely hate Gordon. Now, their crown prince will be sharing a garage with him. That is too funny.

Some More NBA Thoughts

Let's see. LeBron James puts on one of the best playoff performances I've ever seen in a double overtime win. Zydrunas Ilgauskas (say that with food in your mouth) hit a layup with almost eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. From that point until the end of the game, the only Cleveland point not scored by James was a free throw by Drew Gooden. Then the Cavs win their next game to get some fresh faces into the NBA Finals. So, how does the NBA capitalize on it? They wait five days to start the Finals. Granted, ABC may have wanted to wait. How often can they show repeats of Supernanny and Wife Swap. Oh, and a new episode of The Next Best Thing: Who Is The Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?.

Of course, Kobe Bryant showed perfect timing by bitching about his lack of support just as James is blowing up. I wouldn't call James' supporting cast as stellar. The only interesting part of Drew Gooden's game is his bizarre hairstyle. Donyell Marshall sucks. I thought Ilguaskas had less mobility than an amputee until I saw a video of a one legged basketball player and realized I had overestimated Ilguaskas' mobility. Rookie Daniel Gibson looks like a keeper, but he only proved he can hit a wide open shot as opponents triple team James. James does have an advantage in playing in the piss poor East, but he has the disadvantage of playing for an idiot like Mike Brown. I wouldn't pick Cleveland to beat the Spurs, but I hope it happens. I guess it's possible if Steve Javie decides he really doesn't want the Spurs to win and Cleveland shoots twice as many free throws as San Antonio while the Spurs get five technical fouls called on them in one game by the same official during a pivotal game.

The other big NBA news was Billy Donovan taking the Orlando Magic job and then turning around and going back to the University of Florida. I was planning on discussing the blind foolishness of assuming Donovan would flop in the NBA because so many other college coaches did when they made the jump. Names like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, Lon Kruger, Tim Floyd and Leonard Hamilton were thrown around. Well, there's a big difference. Floyd was the only one who didn't take over a team that had been lousy the year before. His case was even worse as the championship Bulls got rid of all their good players after Michael Jordan retired (for the second time). Oh, and Leonard Hamilton was a mediocre college coach so I don't know why anyone expected success at the next level. Donovan would have been taking over a playoff team (albeit in a weaker conference) with a rising star in Dwight Howard and lots of salary cap space. So, I wouldn't necessarily think he would fail.

Of course, that doesn't matter anymore as Donovan waffled and finally decided he wants back in college (unresolved at this point, but looks like Orlando will let him go). What surprises me (although it shouldn't considering how poorly I think of sportswriters) is the lack criticism Donovan is getting nationally for this. Jay Bilas did say that he was being "unprofessional", and Orlando writers are pissed, but for the most part the response has been that Donovan struggled with leaving and followed his heart back to the Gators. Sorry, not buying it. It's not just unprofessional. It's downright crap behavior. He didn't just agree to the job. He signed a contract and had a big welcoming party. I'm also not buying his suck-ups saying that Donovan felt "pressured" by Orlando to take the job. That's pure BS. He had all the leverage. If he said he needed a week, I have little doubt that Orlando would have given it to him. They wanted the big publicity splash hiring him would have given them (and did up until now). It really rings hollow once you realize that he was sending out feelers weeks ago. And not just for Orlando, but other NBA teams. He should have been prepared to jump to the NBA or not.

Sadly Donovan won't lose much money and can actually use this to his benefit because rumor is that Orlando (pushed by the NBA) will ask that he agree not to take go after an NBA job for five years as part of a settlement to get out of the Magic contract. Now, Donovan can tell recruits that he can't jump to the NBA. However, he screwed one of his friends and former assistants. Anthony Grant, presently head coach at VCU, was all set to take the Florida job, except the offer never came because Donovan changed his mind. Unfortunately for Grant, he pretty much told recruits and players he was leaving. Now, he has to rebuild those bridges. The Magic was really screwed. They had used the publicity of the hire to get a bunch of new season ticket holders. Now, they look like chumps. Even worse, they are delayed (and possibly defeated) in going after their next choice in Stan Van Gundy. According to Charles Barkley, he's the better looking Van Gundy which is sadly true, because even though he looks like a Ron Jeremy stand-in (at least from the waist up; the rest I don't know about), his brother Jeff is really not attractive.

Ironically, I personally believe Stan Van Gundy may have been a better choice. While I discount the "college coach can't make it in the NBA" rule, I'm not convinced Donovan is that great of a coach. I saw one writer name him the third best college coach ever after John Wooden and Mike Krzyzewski. Another said he was a cinch to win five titles. Get a grip, people. He does have three Final Four appearances which means he's a good coach, but he's been real lucky to get two championships. It's unheard of anymore for a championship team to return completely intact the way his did this year. Let's look at his non-Final Four years. After going to Final Four in 2000, he couldn't even make it out of the first weekend of the next five tournaments, and that was with some big time recruiting classes. Can you imagine Krzyzewksi going five years without making it to the Sweet Sixteen? Or Roy Williams? Hell, Lute Olson and Jim Boeheim (not to mention a lot of others) never went five years without making it out of the second round. Two years ago, anyone saying Donovan was a top three active coach, let alone all time, would have been derided as an idiot.

As for Van Gundy, I think he's very underrated. I still think Pat Riley is a scumbag for dumping the Miami Heat on Van Gundy when they didn't have any good players, but then making him quit so Riley could take over again after Van Gundy got them good again. Riley left after a 25 win season. Van Gundy wins 42 games his first year. In his second, the Heat add Shaquille O'Neal and win 59 games for the best record in the East. They lost in seven games in the conference finals with Dwyane Wade playing hurt. So, what happens? Riley makes Van Gundy quit so he can win the title the next year (with a worse record) as a healthy Wade dominates before age and infirmities cause the Heat to flop this year. So, in a nutshell, Donovan and Riley are dicks, and Stan Van Gundy is underrated (Jeff Van Gundy isn't too swift). In fact, I hope Florida misses the NCAA tournament next year.

Let's Go Jazz

Well, for the first time in a few of years, I can actually root for the Jazz in the playoffs. Actually, for the first time this century, I can root for them as they move deep into the playoffs. Nobody is giving them much of a chance to beat the Spurs, and I have to agree it'll be tough. I'm not sure Carlos Boozer will be able to maintain his stellar play against Tim Duncan (although Amare Stoudemire did). The Spurs will probably put Bruce Bowen on Deron Williams, so that the only real advantage the Jazz will have Mehmet Okur. However, I think the Jazz are playing as good as anyone right now.

To be honest, I was rooting for the Suns to win their series over the Spurs because I though it was a better matchup for the Jazz. They haven't won in San Antonio since 1999, while they took the season series with Phoenix 3-1 (although I still would have considered them the underdogs in that one too). Now, even though I was rooting for the Suns, I am getting a little tired of all the "injustice" talk that is going around about the suspensions of Stoudemire and Boris Diaw in the Spurs/Suns series for leaving the bench after a hard foul on Steve Nash. Now, would the Suns have won game five with those two? Good chance, although you might notice they still lost three other games in the series with them. So, playing the "What if" game is pointless.

The biggest laugh I get out of the entire controversy was the idea that the Spurs were "dirty". A few years ago, the Spurs were called soft. I guess facing an even softer team makes you look dirty although it's funny because last year's villain was the Suns' Raja Bell who got suspended for a takedown on Kobe Bryant. Sure, the series got "chippy" (buzz word for this year's playoffs), but it wasn't any more "chippy" than the Jazz/Warriors series where the Warriors were called for several flagrant and technical fouls. Yet, no one was up in arms about that. There were two reasons why. First, unlike the whiny Suns (I saw a play where Steve Nash fumbled the ball away, yet screamed at the ref that his arm had been hit), the Jazz just played on. Second, sportswriters suck. They actually seem to think they have the pulse of the nation and choose their outrage based on the results they want. The Warriors were the lovable (even with a player under indictment for a strip club shooting) underdogs. They weren't going to disrupt the fairy tale. As for the Suns, they were exciting. The Spurs are boring. So, everyone outside of San Antonio must have been rooting for the Suns so they don't have to watch more Spurs.

Really, how else do you explain the fact that Horry's hip check on Nash that sparked the problems in game four became the cheapest shot in the history of basketball? Even by Marv Albert who covered Knick games under Pat Riley. Give me a break. It wasn't good, but I'm not even sure it was worse than the shot Bell put on Bryant last year or the elbow to the face that Baron Davis gave Derek Fisher in the Warriors/Jazz series. It might look bad, but if Nash had any weight, he wouldn't have flopped that far away. I've seen Allen Iverson take worse. It certainly wasn't close to the stuff that Detroit teams did in the 80s or the Celtic teams did in the 80s or what Charles Oakley did his entire career. I'm not sure when the NBA became so wussified, but it has.

Further, how else do you explain the sudden condemnation of a rule that's been in place for years? It's well known that you are going to be suspended if you leave the bench during a fight as Stoudemire and Diaw did. The reason is that the NBA gets bad press for its fights. Mainly because fighting is expected in hockey, padded in football and silly looking in baseball. Plus, basketball players have a much closer proximity to the fans. No one bitched this much when the Knicks lost to the Heat even though the situation was the same as the Knicks lost several players to suspension for leaving the bench. Every argument used then by the Knicks then was used this time by the Suns this year. Defending a teammate; never got near the action; important playoff series; a Heat player instigated it. Yet, everyone was fine with the rule then, but not now. Suddenly, it's the devil. Sorry. Not buying it. They knew the rule. They face the consequences. You might notice that in the Jazz series, they didn't rush the court to fight when Fisher took a cheap elbow to the face nor did the Lakers when Bryant went down. They know the rules.

Is it a dumb rule? That's the new argument, and it's funny as hell because the same people who bitch about the NBA different standards of punishment now want to give them "discretion" in situations like this. I like the rule because it takes the discretion out of the NBA's hands. A fight breaks out, you leave the bench, you get suspended. Look at how warped the NBA already is when it comes to punishment. If Stoudemire and Diaw don't leave the bench, they don't get suspended. I'll bet Horry still gets suspended for the shot on Nash (although probably one instead of two games). Nash is a star, Horry is not. Compare it to the elbow on Fisher. I think it was just as bad, but Baron Davis didn't get suspended at all. Why? He's the star of the Warriors who are the compelling story of the playoffs. The last thing the NBA needs is allowing more protection from punishment by the stars.

Post Preakness Thoughts

Damn, that was a horse race. Unfortunately my horse got nipped at the wire. I was afraid of Curlin improving over the last two weeks, and it came to be. I still think Street Sense is a great horse. Curlin is just as good. A near photo finish that was the fastest Preakness ever. I was initially worried when the early fractions were crazy fast. Then I felt better when Street Sense made his move to the front, because he passed Curlin pretty easily going into the stretch, and normally a horse won't come back from that. Well, Curlin did, and I had a bad feeling when he came back that he was going to catch Street Sense. Hopefully, both horses will go to the Belmont and they'll promote it as a match race to decide the rubber match.

The Preakness

After winning money on the Derby two weeks ago, I would be smart to stay away from the Preakness. But I can't. Especially since this year's race is much more interesting than a lot of Preakness Stakes' in the past. Too often, you get one or two good horses and the rest filler. That makes for good viewing with the match race concept, but not good handicapping. Actually, it becomes bad viewing like 2003 when the only two quality horses were Funny Cide and Peace Rules, but it bombed when Peace Rules flopped. The place horse, Midway Road, was coming out of an allowance race. That's how bad that field was. Last year was set up to be a great race when talented but untested Bernardini was coming in fresh to face Barbaro coming off a monster Kentucky Derby win. Sadly, that race was interesting for all the wrong reasons. This year should be good handicapping and viewing.

I like Street Sense an awful lot, and not just because I won some good money on him. I won't win squat if I bet him in the Preakness and he wins because the odds are going to be much smaller. I would really like to see him win the Triple Crown, but I can see the other three horses coming in from the Derby winning the race. In fact, a lot of people think he's very beatable. The belief among them is Street Sense had the perfect ride at his favorite track (also his jockey's home track) when he got to the rail the way he did, and now everyone will be looking for him to go there. Hard Spun should get a lot of play because he looked good leading a good chunk of the Derby and holding on for second. With a shorter distance at Pimlico, he could hold on this time. Plus, his jockey knows Pimlico well. The other two Derby veterans had some traffic issues two weeks ago. Curlin went into the Derby as a highly successful but lightly raced horse who had never really been tested. He is clearly a talented horse so there is definitely room for improvement. So, a better a trip could mean going from a Derby third to a Preakness first. Circular Quay finished sixth in the Derby, but was only a bit out of third. He made his move at the same time as Street Sense, but he got caught six wide which left him too far back. With only nine horses compared to the Derby's 20, the Preakness should have fewer traffic problems. Plus, he was coming off a long layoff. Could be sharper today.

Of course, those three horses aren't without blemishes. While Circular Quay did have to go around horses on the outside, he didn't show me an explosive kick like Street Sense had. In much the same way, Curlin did have traffic problems at the Derby, but they weren't terrible, and he got free but couldn't gain ground on Hard Spun running second. Now, Hard Spun's jockey may be familiar with Pimlico, but that doesn't mean Hard Spun is. He's never raced there, so I don't know if he'll take to that track the way Street Sense did with Churchill. And the funniest part about people pointing out Street Sense's "perfect trip" is that Hard Spun's trainer, Larry Jones, is leading the pack on it. Well, that's pretty ironic since I thought Hard Spun got the perfect trip for him, and it didn't get him the win at Churchill Downs. He got the early lead, set the pace and watched Street Sense blow by him. And Street Sense was on cruise control down to the finish line. In fact, if jockey Calvin Borel didn't start celebrating early, that 2 1/4 length victory would have been stretched quite a bit farther. And I doubt Hard Spun will be setting the pace today. Three newcomers (Xchanger, King of the Roxy and Flying First Class) will all likely try to set a fast pace. Hard Spun has come off the pace before, but not against quality competition. I'm not sure he's ready for it.

So, does this mean I think Street Sense will win the Preakness? Actually, yes. It's not a certainty (and it never is in horse racing) since the Preakness is a different animal than the Derby. He probably won't be able to drop as far back as he did in the Derby. However, I'm more concerned with Curlin and Circular Quay improving than Street Sense not getting back. Now, it is true that Street Sense had a great trip in the Derby. Of course, that could mean the jockey knew his horse really well leading to the win. Borel is known for riding the rail, but he doesn't necessarily have to. There will be 11 fewer horses than in the Derby, so Street Sense could go outside and still not get more than three wide. The odds of Street Sense getting a good trip should be better in this race. What I like about him is the acceleration he showed in the Derby. He should be able to go where he wants to. Remember, horses don't really run in a straight line around the track. Street Sense doesn't need a big hole to blow through. Now, at 7-5 odds (my guess for post time), I would normally try to beat him, but I hate to root for a horse when I have money on another one. So, I'll do a modest win bet, and then try to supplement that by betting place/shows and exotics. I'm thinking an exacta of Street Sense over Circular Quay.

Some Recent News Stories

It just wouldn't be a news report without starting with Paris Hilton who has just been sentenced to 45 days in jail for probation violation. I've never seen her show or movies. Well, except parts of that one video that never made it to television. Which is why I've never understood the fascination with her, because while I guess she's attractive, she's really not so stunningly beautiful to the point I should care. While I won't be like some and say she has no talent, because to others, the ability to mug for a camera during fellatio while stoned is a talent. And I know she can do that. I've seen it. However, she doesn't do it all that often, and her other "talents" shouldn't be enough to merit this attention. I'm not sure who is more clueless - her, the people covering her or her fans. The media covering it are pretty stupid because they write their stories like she'll actually serve 45 days of hard time. To begin with, she'll probably get time off for good behavior and not serve 45 days. Secondly, she will be segregated from other prisoners because no one cares if some two bit check kiter spending 30 days in the slammer gets turned into some bull dyke's bitch, but prison officials don't want that to happen to someone who has People magazine on speed dial. Still, are they as stupid as Paris herself? She thinks she's being treated unfairly. Let's see? Get probation, mandatory alcohol counseling and a suspended license for a DUI. Skip mandatory counseling and get caught driving with said suspended license three times. Then insult the judge's intelligence by claiming you got bad legal advice from your publicist. Follow that up with the unfairness claim. I agree with her. She shouldn't be treated differently. Put her in general lockup so that some bull dyke does turn her into her bitch. Still, she's dumb, but nothing like her fans who are now signing a petition to the governor of California to pardon her because "she provides hope for young people all over the US and the world. She provides beauty and excitement to our otherwise mundane lives." Hey, we've got a winner for the most clueless. Normally, I oppose suicide, but if someone needs a socialite/wannabe actress who wouldn't give them the time of day on the street to provide a spark in their useless existence, don't let me be the one to tell them not to put a gun barrel in their mouth. I guess the only saving grace is that more people are signing a petition to jail her than are signing the one to free her.

Of course, why should a "celebrity" think she should obey traffic laws when the people at the top of the law enforcement structure don't think the laws apply to them either?

On the NASCAR front, people were shocked when Dale Earnhardt Jr is leaving Dale Earnhardt Inc. (DEI) which his father founded. I find the whole thing rather silly because I can name another prominent Earnhardt who never drove for DEI in Nextel Cup (formerly Winston Cup, formerly Grand National). Dale Earnhardt Sr who founded the company. He only drove Busch Series races with it. So, I don't know why Junior not driving for DEI is so shocking when Senior thought his chances of winning were better with Childress Racing. I'm actually odd when it comes to Dale Jr. I like him, but I didn't really like his dad, so I don't care that he's leaving DEI. I do think it's funny that it'll screw his most hardcore (and moronic) fans who have already tattooed his number 8 on some part of their body. A lot of people think it would make sense for him to go to Childress and drive his dad's old number 3 car, but I actually think he would be better off not doing that. It's kind of like Hank Williams Jr in music. He really needed to stop singing his dad's songs and make it on his own. What is shocking to me is that DEI thinks they will still have something without him. Dumb, dumb, dumb. Dan Wetzel had the best column about it. Junior wanted majority ownership, but his stepmother Teresa only offered it at a big price. DEI wasn't like Childress or Penske or several other organizations that were racing centered. DEI is pure personality centered. Or was. Dale Sr is dead. They just let his heir and most popular living driver go. To tell the truth, I think Dale Jr regretted leaving, but he wasn't going to work for his stepmother. She insulted him in the Wall Street Journal, but expected a loyalty discount. Didn't get it, and now she's got garbage.

I think what I find most disturbing is that there are people out there (and I know some) who aren't concerned with Iran getting nuclear weapons.

I thought it was bad when Sudan was a member of the United Nations Human Rights Commission (while simultaneously chaired by Libya). And it was. However, the fact that African basket case Zimbabwe is now chairing the Commission of Sustainable Development. Apparently, the UN has decided being bad at something is all the more reason to put you in charge of it. And yet, some people think we don't give enough money to the UN.

At least people in England are protected from male strippers, because obviously real crime is not a problem there.

One problem with the Kentucky Derby is that it can attract bad elements to the state. Namely OJ Simpson. It was big news when he was refused service at an upscale steak house in Louisville because he is, well, a scumbag. Originally, Simpson's lawyer threatened to sue for racial discrimination, but apparently changed his mind. My guess is that he realized "people who get away with killing their ex-wife and then try to write a book about it" are not a protected class. Plus, I'm sure the last place he wants OJ is giving a deposition. Of course, it led to local "activist" Louis "Louisville's Al Sharpton" Coleman picketing the steak house. Apparently, getting away with multiple homicide isn't an injustice, but refusing to let someone who did that eat at an expensive restaurant is. Since a civil jury found the preponderance of evidence was conclusive that Simpson was responsible for the murder of his ex-wife and the Jewish bodybuilder, I have no choice but to conclude that Coleman believes murdering white people and Jews is acceptable.

Now, to begin with, I believe anyone who thinks a picture of 18,000 naked Mexicans is art has lost their mind. Give me a break. It doesn't take much to stand their naked. None of my Mexican neighbors run around naked. In fact, they get huffy when I go to the laundry without any pants on. Hypocrites.

Hey, San Francisco has decided to be a sanctuary city for illegal aliens. Of course, that's pretty easy to do considering the price of housing and cost of living is astronomical in San Francisco. Since it's unlikely illegal immigrants have the high paying jobs there, the likelihood is that the only illegal immigrants living in San Francisco are homeless. Or buttboys for rich..... well never mind.

This was a horrible crime. A mother sells her daughter for $3000. To Sammy Hagar. Okay, someone who looks a lot like Sammy Hagar. Of course, looking at Mom, I'm real curious what the daughter looks like. Not to make light of her sad circumstances (but that's what I do), but if she takes after her mother, this dude overpaid.

Then there is my favorite. The politician engaging in the BS publicity stunt. This was a good one. The governor of Oregon lived a full week on $21 worth of food to commiserate with people who live on food stamps. The easiest way to show what a moron this guy is would be to point out that food stamps are a supplement. For the stupid, that means you are given $21 a week to "help" pay for your groceries. Food stamps are not designed to pay your entire grocery bill. I realize it's tough for a politician in the Democratic Party to understand, but the food stamp program expects its participants to have enough responsibility to pay for some of their own grocery bill. Actually, I would put even more severe restrictions on it, especially after I stood in line at a gas station convenience store (about a block from a regular grocery store) and watched some little brat buy Popsicles with food stamps. He wasn't buying a box of them. He was buying a box worth of individual ones. So, he's buying them at a higher priced store and in the most expensive way possible. Great. With that type of economic mentality, I'm shocked his family qualified for food stamps. Well, except that I knew a couple of guys in college who applied for and received food stamps because they could show they had no income. They had no income because their parents sent them money each week so they didn't need a job. So, they blew their money from home on weed and beer and used the food stamps for snacks. Dickweeds. But I digress. Problems with a government program will be addressed at another time. My biggest problem with what the governor of Oregon is doing is that it's completely full of crap. Living on a food stamp allotment for a week to "empathize" with the downtrodden is bogus. Mainly because you know at the end of the week that you will be able to go back to living the high life with the chef at the governor's mansion. It's like another instance when I was in college. A group of well-intentioned fools, I mean students, decided the best way to understand the homeless experience was to sleep outside one night. Well, as a kid, I remember doing that quite often. As a Boy Scout. And for fun. It's called camping. How did these people really believe they were going to have an experience like a homeless person? For one, they weren't drunk, on drugs or consumed by mental problems (well, not clinically). Secondly, the only danger they faced sleeping in a small campus quad was a drunken frat guy running over them while doing donuts out there (and no, it wouldn't have been me, because I didn't have a car most of the time I was in college). It's just feel good pointless crap that really does nothing to alleviate any problem. It just lets some narcissistic personalities feel better about themselves

Money, Money, Money

Let's see. A $2 win bet paid $11.80. So, a $50 ticket pays $295. Street Sense is my new favorite horse. My least favorite horses are the ones I lost money on earlier in the day because after a hot start to the day, I was down going into the Derby. If I had been ahead or even, I would thrown $100 on the race. But, I'm certainly not going to complain about getting back six times what I put in, especially in 10 minutes. Plus, I was really happy to see jockey Calvin Borel get the win as he is not just an underrated jockey, but has a reputation as one of the nicest jockeys out there. I also saw his fiancé at Churchill Downs one time. He got himself a little hottie.

This was a great race. Sometimes jockeys get too much credit for wins because a lot of it is having a good horse. Yet, Borel rode a great race. He put Street Sense in good position and made his move at the right time. I loved the blimp view as they went around the second turn, because I could see Street Sense coming up the inside and also see there was room to maneuver. The announcer had made a point early that he was second to last early in the race, but that was stupid since Street Sense is a closer and wants to be there. When he made his move right before they hit the stretch, I started counting my money because he was exploding through the pack. I love to see a jockey blow to the lead with a lot of horse still underneath him. Especially when I have money on it. I was actually impressed with Hard Spun too. I thought when he blasted to the front that he would fold quick, but he hung on to finish second. He just wasn't going to hold off Street Sense.

Now, the question is whether or not Street Sense can win the Triple Crown. I hope so. I'm a snob about the Triple Crown. I rooted against Funny Cide winning it because I didn't think he was good enough. Street Sense was the two year old champion who just crushed the field at the Derby. I think he would be a good choice to be the first Triple Crown winner in almost 30 years. I'm just not sure he can do it. He's a great horse, but as a closer, he could have problems with the shorter distance and tight turns of the Preakness. While he's better suited for the Belmont, he'll be running his third race in five weeks and most likely facing well rested horses that skipped the Preakness.

Well, now that my horse won the Derby, maybe my luck will stretch to other sports and Greg Biffle will win the NASCAR race tonight and the Utah Jazz will win game seven in the NBA playoffs. Probably not too good for Biffle since Fords are competitive this year. Utah would be great because the NBA would crap themselves as they have either Utah or Golden State going to the Western Conference finals. Which is sad because I think Golden State/Utah would be a good series to watch. Better than Golden State and Houston. Ironically, I think Golden State could knock off Houston pretty easily because I'm not sure Houston's backcourt could handle the Golden State guards effectively. Is anyone having a better playoff than Baron Davis? I have to give the Warriors a lot of credit. I stayed up to watch their home games against Dallas even though they were ending damn near one in the morning. But it was so funny to see one the biggest asses in the game, Mark Cuban, look so miserable. While I realize Golden State was a bad matchup for Dallas, I was still surprised how quickly the Mavericks gave up in game 6. They flat stopped playing in the third quarter. How do you win 67 games in the regular season and then lose a first round elimination game by 25 points against a team that had to win their last nine to get into the tournament and whose best player was gimpy? Ironically, one of those wins was over Dallas who was resting their starters. Only 12 teams have won 65 games in the NBA. Ten won championships while the '73 Celtics lost in the conference finals. Without a doubt, this is the biggest choke job I've ever seen in the NBA.

Derby Time

Ah, the Derby. Horse racing's geatest event. It can turn horses into stars before they quit at the end of their three year old season to be put out to stud. Unless you were gelded like Funny Cide. Then we get the spectacle of watching him lose allowance races as a five year old. Otherwise, you're looking to see a Derby winner running past October unless they really sucked. It's probably going to just get worse after Barbaro got hurt one race after the Derby. No telling how much future money was lost when he had to be put down. A lot of people think horse racing hurts itself by retiring their horses to stud too early, because they don't get a chance to build a following.


Horse racing does have problems, but that really isn't one of them. Top horses now only race a handful of times throughout the year so how much an impact their continued racing would give the sport is hard to measure. Smarty Jones was very popular, but if he had raced six stakes races as a four year old, would people have gone to the track the next day to watch a bunch of claimers race? Doubtful. I think horse racing needs to push the gambling aspect of it more. Casinos are opening everywhere. Poker is televised. Powerball is huge. Yet, horse racing pushes it as an event which works for a place like Keeneland which has a short schedule with mostly high quality races. For an Ellis Park, they need more. Yet, tracks are falling all over themselves to screw up the gambling aspect. I've long had a TVG off track wagering account, because they had most of the tracks I liked to bet (exceptions being Pimlico and Santa Anita). Now, Churchill Downs has partnered up with Magna Entertainment which includes those other tracks, but not the New York tracks or Keeneland. Since I bet Churchill and Keeneland more than any other tracks, I now need two different wagering services. That's fan friendly.

Of course, the Derby itself screws up with too many horses. Eighteen to twenty horses is just too many because you end up with a traffic jam. Too often the best horses get a bad trip and you end up with a nag like Giacomo winning the Kentucky Derby. He ran as a four year old because no one was waving big money to put him up for stud (Afleet Alex was clearly a much better horse along with probably the majority of the field). He won only one other race after the Derby. I don't know if he's the worst Derby winner ever, but he is in my lifetime. Something's wrong when monster horses like Point Given and Easy Goer don't win the Derby, but crap like Giacomo does.

Now for my Derby picks. I don't know why I bet the Derby, because it's the one I have the least success with. If it wasn't for Fusaichi Pegasus (2000) and Silver Charm (1998), I would probably have to go back to Swale in 1984 for my last correct Derby pick. So, the following choices are probably wrong, but on the plus side, take them in the Preakness and Belmont. Since 1994, I picked Tabasco Cat, Point Given and Afleet Alex to win the Derby. All three lost that race, but ended up winning both the Preakness and Belmont. But I'll still take a shot and go with Street Sense which means if I lose, a lot of people will lose. Street Sense was number two in the morning line, but I think he could be the post time favorite. He's got a good post and likes the track. I threw out his second in the Bluegrass Stakes because the horse that won excels on polytrack, but not so much on dirt. Other horse I like are three of Todd Pletcher's horses. He's one of, if not the best trainer in the country, so I figure he's got to win eventually. Scat Daddy was getting some love in early wagering, and I really hope the "Scat" comes from the jazz term and not the other reference. As for the horse, he's got my favorite jockey, Edgar Prado, and a stalking style that I think fits the Derby. Circular Quay is another I like who I could actually get a good price on. He's got John Velazquez, probably the best jockey in the country, and is another with a good Derby style. The concern is he's coming off a layoff. Finally, I like Cowtown Cat, but not necessarily to win. I'm not sure he's good enough, but 20-1 morning line could mean a nice place or show bet. I'm certainly going to throw him into exotics. Depending on pace, he could pick up the pieces. I think I'll bet big on Street Sense with a smaller saver bet on Circular Quay or Scat Daddy depending on price. Then an exacta with Cowtown Cat with a possible show bet.

Then there are some horses I threw out, but probably shouldn't have, so based on my past record, here are the ones you should go with. Curlin certainly has talent, but I'm just not sold on him (which means you should put the mortgage on him). Plus, he's owned by corrupt lawyer slash corrupt donor Shirley Cunningham Jr whose lazy eye freaks me out. Hard Spun has five wins in six races and is bred for the distance, but he didn't beat anyone good. Another horse with a nice record and distance breeding is Nobiz Like Showbiz, but I didn't like how he looked in the Wood Memorial. Any Given Sunday has the same resume as Nobiz, but lost to him in the Wood, so I threw both out. Great Hunter looked bad in the Bluegrass and has a lousy post position. Some people are now pushing Tiago who is a brother to Giacomo and is coming off a surprise win in the Santa Anita Derby, just like Giacomo did two years ago before taking the Derby. Of course, since I consider Giacomo's Derby win to be fluke if not an outright abomination of the sport, I wouldn't bet crap on him.
I went back and forth on Dominican. He did win the Bluegrass Stakes over Street Sense with a strong late run, but I originally tossed him out because he was perfect over polytrack, but winless over dirt. Then I found out that he is 2 for 2 since being gelded, because a undescended testicle (look it up yourself) hampered his running. Now, that shows horses don't understand the racing game. If Dominican knew winning more would have kept his balls and pointed him towards early retirement as a stud, he would have run faster. So, even though I can't completely rule out his dislike of dirt, I had to include him as a possible. Then he got the 19th post position. I don't care if he is a closer, I've got to throw him out. Told you there were too many horses in this damn race.

A Few Last Draft Thoughts

I swear this is the last post about the NFL draft. For tonight anyway.

I won't give draft grades, mainly because I'm lazy. Besides, who knows which of these guys will flop. Everyone thought the Chargers were smart to take Ryan Leaf when they actually did, and now he's the poster boy for high round disasters. But I also know that we really won't be able to grade this draft for about three years. I may think JaMarcus Russell isn't as much a "sure thing" as the chick John Cusack was trying to get to California to bang, but I don't know it. My belief is the league is full of guys succeeding in spite of relatively tame arm strength (Tom Brady, Peyton Manning) while the NFL bust list is full of strong armed failures (Kyle Boller, Akili Smith). Since I don't know how Brady Quinn will turn out, it's tough to condemn teams for passing on him. In fact, I don't think Miami was the big screw-up for passing on Quinn because they will eventually get Trent Green. With guys like Brian Brohm, John David Booty, Colt Brennan and even Andre Woodsen coming out, I think the quarterback pool could be deeper next year, so getting Green for a couple of years mean they can still get someone next year to be their future if that second rounder, John Beck, doesn't work out. Actually, I think Minnesota screwed up because they are going into next year with Tavaris Jackson who showed me nothing in limited time last year.

I'm not going to let Miami completely off the hook. Some people said the problem taking Ted Ginn Jr was because Quinn was still on the board. My belief is that he's a punt returner who at best might become a number two receiver. I think the best comparison I saw was Desmond Howard who was crap at receiver. That's not much for a number 9 pick.

Well, Michael Bush was the first pick of the fourth round, and he went to Oakland which I didn't really want to see. He should be able to get playing time without having to rush back from rehab, but that is poorly run organization. I was really hoping Philly would take him to complement Brian Westbrook. A couple of other Louisville players got drafted on day two, but I think next year could have four go on day one.

Actually, I was hoping the Steelers would take Bush to be the next Jerome Bettis, but it might be better that they didn't. I'm not sure about the direction of the team, so without Bill Cowher, they may not want a big back. I have mixed reactions on their draft. I did like the second round pick of Lamar Woodley as he might be small, he could be an ideal outside linebacker if (a big if) the Steelers stick with the 3-4 defense. I also like the drafting of William Gay from Louisville who I thought was underrated by draft gurus, but I might be biased. Otherwise, I've already said I didn't think much of their number one pick. The rest didn't light my world on fire either.

Since so many of my friends are Bengals fans, I'll give a few thoughts about them. Leon Hall was a good pick especially at that point and considering they needed a cornerback. I don't understand the running back in the second round. In fact, why take any offensive players early. They were in good shape there. I'm just not sure what they are going to get out of other defensive players after Hall.

I don't know why so many people were surprised that the Eagles drafted a quarterback. Donovan McNabb has finished a season in three years. In fact, in the past five years, he has only played 16 games once, but played 10 or fewer in three of them. So, you need a backup who can go for several games. Then the knock was Kevin Kolb is a "system quarterback" which means he has may not transition well (think Florida Gator quarterbacks under Steve Spurrier). What they don't mention is that coach Andy Reid runs a "system" and wants quarterbacks who fit it. The dumbest comment I heard about Kolb was from Mark Schlereth on a post-draft special. He started off with the "system quarterback" argument, but then he had to follow it up by pointing out that previous quarterbacks from the University of Houston didn't pan out. By that he meant Andre Ware and David Klingler. Brilliant. He basically said that Kolb would fail because two quarterbacks who were drafted 15 and 17 years ago didn't work out. The Colts sure were stupid to draft that Peyton Manning after Heath Shuler proved Volunteer quarterbacks can't play.

As I said, it usually takes a few years for sure to know whether my predictions were correct. Even after winning Rookie Of The Year last year, I still won't say Vince Young is a perennial Pro Bowler yet. Michael Vick and Rick Mirer peeked their rookie year. So, I can't tell you if any of my predictions will come true, but one thing I do know, my wish did. In the section on Round Two, I thought it would be funny if Keyshawn Johnson got cut in training camp because Carolina drafted a Southern Cal receiver he was gushing over. It didn't take that long.

To be honest, this wasn't one of the better drafts. There just weren't a whole lot of marquee players. When I was driving to Louisville on Sunday morning, I was listening to ESPN radio, they really focused on some silly aspects to it. Actually, silly came into play when they were talking about the NBA. One asked the other if he thought the Golden State Warriors had a legit chance at winning their series against the Dallas Mavericks. Considering that the Warriors were up 2 games to 1, they already proved they had a legit chance of beating the Mavericks. In fact, as I write this, the Warriors have a 3-1 lead in the seven game series, and they are ahead in the fourth quarter. No, they don't have a legit chance. Moron.

NFL Draft - Stretch Run

They've already had the longest first round in history, but I think the third round should go a bit more quickly. Actually, to start off with picks are going so quick that the commentators are falling behind.

Truth be told, my main concern in this round is whether or not Michael Bush gets drafted or not. Atlanta drafts 11th in this round, so the question is whether Bobby Petrino takes him. As I said before, I doubt Petrino has final say on the pick, and with Warrick Dunn and Jerious Norwood on the roster, the Falcons may not be in the market for running back. Of course, having those two mean the Falcons could take Bush without the concern of needing him to play too quickly. But they may have other needs they want to address.

Sean Salisbury is usually a moron, but he made a good point about Amobi Okoye when Mark May said Okoye needs to bulk up. Salisbury asked why a 6'2" 302 pound guy needs to get bigger.

Well, Atlanta passed on Bush which wasn't unexpected. Looking ahead, his best chance to go this round are probably Philly or Chicago as both teams have two picks. Philadelphia really could use a big back to complement Brian Westbrook, and I know they've talked to Bush recently. Chicago (foolishly) traded Thomas Jones so they could be interested in getting another back to spell Curtis Benson.

Well, they didn't take him. This is problematic because I want Bush to go in the third round, but the only team left who would probably take a running back is Oakland, and I don't want to see him go there. Oakland didn't take him either so he's going to be a day two pick. It's a damn shame too. I was so happy when he said he was going back to UL for his senior year, but now I wish he'd left then. He probably would have been a second round pick instead of waiting until the second day due to breaking his leg in the first game of the year. Some UL fans think he should have taken a redshirt year and gone back to UL for next season, but I don't think that would have made that much of a difference. The belief is that he probably wouldn't be completely healthy until the start of the season which means he would miss most of fall practice and most likely be out of shape. In that condition, it's unlikely he could move back into the first round. He would also be taking a risk of another injury which could really drop him in next year's draft.

That was a long draft. Over 11 hours. I'd like to do it again tomorrow for rounds 4-7, but I've got to drive to Louisville so the best I can probably do is a final recap tomorrow night.

NFL Draft - Round Two

Round two begins with an interview of Bill Belichick. I promptly ignored it. There's a rumor being floated that this will be Mel Kiper's last draft for ESPN. I find that very shocking. Kiper does have some problems. For one, his hair is somewhat scary. For another, he never admits he made a bad call. His dead certain belief that he is always right can be somewhat annoying. However, the flip side of that is it makes for entertaining TV. Since his main function is the draft, he doesn't feel the need to suck up to team management. So, he'll call out a team for a bad decision whether it's the history of the Jets' draft or the time he got into a big argument with one of the Irsays in Indy when they took Trev Alberts. Plus, Kiper knows his stuff. Even if I disagree with him, he always has something more than gut to go on when he makes his projections. I'm just surprised they would let him go. He's been there since a minor sports cable channel decided to do a bare bones draft production as filler. Personally, I think Kiper's notoriety helped turn the NFL Draft into the big event it has become. If he leaves and goes to the NFL Network, there's a good chance I'll watch there show instead. Especially if they bring in some clown like Todd McShay of Scouts Inc. in his place. ESPN already has too many schmucks like Kornholer and Salisbury on their draft show.

And there goes Alan Branch to Arizona.

Always like the reactions when a team goes completely off the reservation like the Eagles did with Houston Cougar quarterback Kevin Kolb who many viewed as the sixth best QB. Mort did say that some teams had really liked Kolb. Hey Mort, thanks for mentioning that after he's drafted. Most pundits had Kolb behind Drew Staunton (Mich St), John Beck (BYU) and Trent Edwards (Stanford), but I watched all of them except Edwards play several games (Stanford stank and played late most of the time), and I can't see any of them being that much ahead of the others. Actually, I didn't think they were that far behind Quinn and Russell. I guess it's what you like. Wonder what Donovan McNabb thinks of this?

San Diego just traded four third to fifth round picks to move up in the second round to take a safety Eric Weddle. Huh. That seems like a lot.

Now, we get Miami taking quarterback John Beck which explains why Miami didn't take Quinn in the first round. Actually, it doesn't because a lot of people thought Beck would be gone by now. Wouldn't they have felt stupid if the Eagles had taken him instead of Kolb. I still can't believe the Dolphins took a number two receiver/punt returner with the ninth pick. It did lead to a funny clip of Miami coach Cam Cameron facing off a mob of angry Miami fans who weren't too happy they took Ginn over Quinn. Maybe they should have drafted Brandon Meriweather to fight them off.

I knew it couldn't last. Keyshawn is comparing himself (favorably) to every receiver being drafted. Then Dwayne Jarrett gets drafted by Keyshawn's Panthers, and it comes out that he said off camera he hoped they would so he could show his fellow Southern Cal receiver the ropes. I forgot how altruistic Keyshawn could be. What would be funny is if Jarrett so impresses the Panthers in training camp that they cut Keyshawn.

I just noticed something. The Colts traded a fourth round pick this year and next year's first round pick to move into the middle of the second round and draft Tony Ugoh who is apparently too skinny (at 301 pounds) to be a right tackle, lacks athleticism for left tackle and doesn't really seem to like playing football. If your trade involves giving up a first round pick, shouldn't that be to draft someone with first round talent?

So, Detroit didn't trade Mike Williams to Tennesee. They traded him to Oakland. I guess Al Davis has a fetish for lazy wide receivers. Since they are going to probably trade Randy Moss, this means Russell will be throwing to famous flop Mike Williams, ex-quarterback Ronald Curry and maybe Jerry Porter if he isn't suspended for most of the season again. I'm predicting Pro Bowl right off the bat for Russell.

ESPN is run by geniuses. They just did a 30 second sports update, and they led with a report on JaMarcus Russell being the first pick in the draft. Obviously most of the people watching the second round of the NFL Draft probably didn't know who went first.

ABC is pimping the Hell out of their Bingo game show which will probably be popular and in turn make me contemplate putting the parental lock on ABC. It doesn't look too realistic, because I didn't see any chain smoking old biddies.

Andy Reid says taking Kevin Kolb isn't about Donovan McNabb which means it's probably about McNabb. Sadly, Ron Jaworski is now having flashbacks to when the Eagles drafted Randal Cunningham as his replacement. Finally, Mort points out that McNabb is chronically hurt, so taking a quarterback is probably not a bad idea.