Crazy Professors, the Olympics (again) and more

Here is the hero to all college professors everywhere. Amy Bishop has been fired (finally) after murdering three co-workers over tenure denial. Not sure why it took so long to fire her. After all, she shot them at a faculty meeting. Gee, I can't imagine why she'd be denied tenure. Just because students bitched about her. There seems to be some pretty strong evidence that she murdered her brother. May have tried to blow up another professor she didn't like. Oh, and went batshit crazy on another woman at an IHOP because the woman got there before her and took the last booster seat. Denied tenure? They should fire anyone who advocated hiring her. But why is she a hero? Tenure is the protector of the weak and incompetent. But who is going to take a chance on denying someone tenure now? Just go into your meeting and look crazy.

USA!!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!!!!! I mentioned last time that I was watching the Winter Olympics. As of right now, the US has already beaten their highest medal count. With either a gold or silver guaranteed on Sunday in the men's hockey final, this will be the most successful winter Olympics ever for any country. Which more than makes up for the lack of success by the curling teams who I placed such high hopes on.

But look at this. An idiot blogger for the Washington Post is decrying NBC's coverage of the Olympics for focusing on American athletes and not focusing enough on foreign athletes and apparently not doing enough stories on Canada's healthcare system. This woman is a genius. I guess she doesn't recognize that the Olympics are being produced by NBC Sports, not NBC News. So, you know, they might want to focus on the sports instead of a political issue that has nothing to do with the games. Although I think it would interesting to know how many of Canada's athletes have needed surgery and went to the US for it. I know a Canadian hockey team that sends their Canadian players to Alabama for surgery. So, US medical care is not just for Canadian politicians. But again, why would an NBC Sports production wallow in health care debate? And complaining about the focus on Americans? Is this woman totally disconnected from reality? I realize she's affiliated with a newspaper which doesn't worry about ratings. Just declining circulation which they don't seem to recognize may be affected by the fact they continue to publish crap from the absolute stupid. I think she may actually be dumb enough not to know that NBC is only broadcasting the Olympics in the United States. Which means their target audience wants coverage about American athletes. I'm sure the Norwegian broadcasters spent all their time on the Swiss winner of the Men's Giant Slalom instead of the two Norwegians who took silver and bronze. Because it's only the Americans that get nationalistic during the Olympics.

But then there is some old news from the Summer Olympics. Well, it started in the 2008 Olympics but goes back to 2000. Guess what? The Chinese women gymnastics team was using underage girls. Who could have thunk such a thing? Besides me and anyone else with common sense. Actually, this article is quite laughable. The gymnastics group said one of the Chinese gymnasts in 2000 was underage, but aren't sure about the other one. Even though the other one actually said in an interview during those games that she was 14. Apparently they are not using Columbo for this investigation. And then they clear the 2008 team even though there was plenty of evidence that those girls were too young too. China is a regimented society especially among it's elite athletes. There is no way the government was unaware of the ages in 2000. Does anyone really believe that they doctored paperwork in 2000, but wouldn't have done that in 2008? I'm sure the Washington Post doesn't think the Chinese cheated. After all, only the US cares about nationalistic glory at the Olympics.

But I'm sure that blogger thinks Europe has more enlightened policing instead. And there is certainly an emphasis on "light". In England, if you've got packs of young punks pelting you and your house with apples, the police will show up to investigate. Hours and sometimes days later. Oh, and most likely you'll be the one arrested because you touched one of them while he and his friend were beating you up. But who said the cops in England are stupid. Much easier to arrest a single family man than deal with a bunch of street thugn. Hell, they must have loved it when an 84 year old man waved his cane at some little bastard who shoved him while vandalizing his house. A geriatric man is really easy to arrest. But don't worry. Chivalry is not dead over there. When a model saw some punks in her garden trying to break in, she screamed at them and waved a kitchen knife. But when the police arrived, they chose not to arrest her. They just gave her a warning that the next time she thought to protect herself in her own home, they would. Gee, I wonder why all those little bastards think they can get away with constantly attacking people.

But they shouldn't be surprised. European countries have allowed government entities way too much control of their lives. It's why petty little bureaucrats have no embarrassment over arbitrary and flat stupid decisions. The very reason I was not surprised to see this story. A British woman wants to run an ad to hire people. Sends it to a government job center. Gets told that it was discriminatory. Was she asking for only men? Did she say no blacks? Nope. She didn't want unreliable people. Someone thought asking for reliable people was discriminating against the lazy. Government in action. It's a recession. People are out of work. Let's make sure to protect the worthless. But on the plus side, if she said no "arrogant Americans", it probably would have been okay, because in Europe, that thought is redundant anyway.

Okay, I thought Sandra Bullock trying to fix up her pubic hair as a Valentine surprise was a bit weird. But now I think the art of vajazzling has that one beat. This is where women have gemstones glued to their private parts. That's a job I need. It doesn't sound tacky at all. Even though the term seems to come from combining vagina and bedazzling (without explaining how the g from vagina became a j). Hmmmmm. The Bedazzler. Nothing white trash or tacky there.

Maybe Lindsay Lohan could jump start her career with a vajazzling. Instead everyone's favorite drunken whore just "confesses" to having used cocaine and going to rehab. Is it really a confession if she's been arrested while in possession of cocaine? Did anyone think she was holding it for someone else? Well, besides the Olympics committees who still aren't sure a 14 year old Chinese gymnast was 14 years old even though she said it in an interview. Speaking of inappropriate underage behavior, Lohan spent a night recently getting trashed with her 16 year old sister. Nice to see that she's trying to make sure her sis doesn't make the same stupid mistakes she did. Even better, by doing so she blew the chance at making $150K just to go on a date in London with some billionaire. She wasn't even required to put out on the date (although for a trip to Waffle House, she probably would have). Well, she didn't actually stay behind to party with her sister. Stupid bitch missed her flight. Blew 150 thousand dollars because she couldn't get to the airport on time.

Maybe Lohan will be ready to start acting again in time to make Showgirls 3. Yep. That means there is a Showgirls sequel out there already. Although I don't expect it to be coming to a theater near anyone. I don't think most theaters play DVDs. Even for someone who doesn't mind cheesy plots and really likes hot, naked women, I figure the movie will be really bad just based on the trailer. I've seen several movies where a movie looked good in the previews but was highly disappointing because all of the good scenes were in the trailer. But I don't know too many movies that put the crappy scenes in the trailer but left the good ones in the movie. The Showgirls 2 trailer had some crappy scenes (blatant nudity notwithstanding), and for some reason I don't believe it will the first movie to leave the best parts out of the trailer.

Quite a to-do in Italian cooking shows. Shows that I watch religiously. Some old food writer got suspended for telling how he used to eat cat. At first, I thought it was some slang term for performing oral sex. But apparently he meant cooking and eating the family pet. Now, I have no plans to ever eat a feline (probably a bitch to prepare), but he was talking about his childhood when poor areas would eat cats to survive during hard times. It was a choice between eating a cat or having your children starve. Things have changed though. People are so idiotic about their pets that many would kill the kids to feed their pampered pets.

Not sure what effect Obamacare will have on this situation, but a shrink in Florida was found to have been sleeping with one of his patients. Probably trying to find all those new disorders I mentioned last week. Now, a doctor behaving unethically by having sex with a patient doesn't seem to be that uncommon. This guy kicked it up a notch. Every time he rendezvoused with her for sex, he billed her insurance.

Ski Trip, Olympics & Other Things

I wanted to live blog the Ski Trip this year, but there was an issue with the wi-fi at the cabin. Mainly it sucked. Took all Sunday just to upload some pics on Facebook. I didn't even try to waste my time with porn. But otherwise the cabin was fine. Other than the lack of heat in my room, a clogged drain, a gaping hole between two boards comprising the outer wall and that smell emanating from Phil. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a nice case of arson. But for the most part the Never-ending Poker Ga.........I mean, Ski Trip went off well. Sure, there were a lot of regulars we wish had been there, but people are getting older with more responsibility (glad I'm not). Was no unexpected nudity (that I remember) but in the past, that has been good or bad. Or both. Plenty of booze (moonshine mixed with pickle juice notwithstanding). Things to do (that friggin' incessant Rock Band notwithstanding). Lots of food by the wonderful cook staff (excessive veggie breakfast casseroles notwithstanding). Oh, and the Super Bowl was played. Best thing about the game? The Saints won. The only reason I cared? I picked them to win.

Was really the only reason I had a dog in that fight. I still hold a grudge over what the Mannings did to force a trade for Eli $hitbag after he was drafted. But I don't really care about the Colts. Nor do I care about the Saints. My only problem with the Saints is them winning would lead to a rehash of the "suffering" from Hurrican Katrina. Most communities with a natural disaster work to move on and improve. New Orleans appears to want to rebuild their slums in the same below-sea-level bowl as before. But there is a benefit to the Saints winning. I don't like Reggie Bush and now he has to marry into the dysfunctional Kardashian family.

But on to the Olympics. I've mentioned before that I like the Winter Olympics better than the summer ones. Apparently, I'm not the only one. And it's surprising some people. I saw a column in the Louisville Courier pointing out that the Olympics drew better than American Idol which didn't surprise me. Hasn't that show been dropping fairly steadily in the ratings over the years? Supposedly NBC was expecting big losses and poor ratings which I don't understand. The Olympics do better in the US, and Canada is almost the US. At least on timing. Which means that even the tape delay stuff is still fairly recent. Of course it doesn't hurt ratings that the US start winning medals early and often. That's always good for ratings.

Oh, and Canada managed to kill some poor bastard luger from Georgia (probably from Macon) and then doubled down by pissing on his grave and blaming him for the wreck that killed him. The argument was the track was unsafe because it was too fast and steep and when he flipped out of the track, there were steel poles that stopped the luger very suddenly. The counter-argument is that the guy was inexperienced and caused his own death. I'm surprised they haven't claimed it was a suicide. The guy (yes I'm not naming him because I don't want to spell it) wasn't a top sledder. But he was ranked 44th in the world. Did they not realize that the people outside the top 10 would be participating in the Olympics? And if it was his fault, why did they make changes for safety? Oh, and if his inexperience caused him to wreck on that curve, why do they call it "50-50"? Oh, because you have a 50% chance of wrecking in it. Even if he wasn't good enough to make it through there, you would think they'd try to make it so he doesn't fly out into a steel beam. How about a catch fence? Oh, and the inexperience argument really looks good considering Canada limited access to the track for non-Canadians to enhance their chances in the sledding event. And then came my favorite part. After the track was changed due to the death, the Canadian sledders were all class. They bitched that they lost their home ice advantage. Hmmm. Your home ice advantage played a role in someone's death, and you feel like a victim? I'll keep that in mind the next time someone tells me Canadians are nicer than Americans.

Here's the most bizarre story to come out of these Olympics. Joe Biden was there and didn't say anything stupid. But that is only the second most bizarre story. Some crazy dude got picked up by the Dudley Do-Rights for stalking Biden. Dude was infatuated with Biden. I'm not convinced even Biden's wife is infatuated with him.

But what's the Olympics without a little scandal. A snowboarder was booted from the Olympic village for having a risque photo taken with his bronze medal. Then I saw the risque photos. Come on. That's it? He's a snowboarder. I would not have been surprised to see him standing naked on a balcony with the medal hanging off his dork. This is fairly tame meriting a slap on the wrist for a little poor taste. Wait a minute. You don't think other Olympic athletes use their wins to help them score with chicks, do you? That sounds outrageous.

Saw a new sport going today. Called ski cross and it appears to be on a course that has features of both freestyle and downhill skiing. The best part is that they pick the finalists through time trials, but they ski for the medal in four man heats and narrow it down until they have one final four man heat for the medal round. So they ski against each other. While part of me hopes it turns into Rollerball on skis, I'm sure it's for the best that they aren't allowed to wipe each other out. I think it's spectator friendly. I like regular speed skating but short track is more fun to watch. I think it's because they are on the ice against each other instead of a clock. While you can kind of get an idea of how a regular speed skater is doing, it's hard to know when it's timed. Especially since I can't tell time. So, new sport looks interesting. I'm still disappointed they haven't added the sport I want - bikini skiing.

This is awesome. I heard Mitt Romney got into a tiff on a plane with someone which led to that person being kicked out. Now, I find out that he was a member of a hip-hop band called LMFAO. Article says there hit was "I'm in Miama Bitch", but I've never heard of them so I think it's a stretch to call it a hit. I'm also guessing that Romney really didn't use the Vulcan grip on him. But if he had, I think we made a mistake not electing him President. Imagine him going to summits with that. But I digress. I find it funny because after never hearing of them before, this is the second time in a week I've heard something about this "band". A co-worker saw them as the opening act for the Black Eyed Peas. He said they were so bad that he wasn't sure if they were a parody act or not. Although I consider the Black Eyed Peas to be a parody act, they don't bill themselves as one so maybe LMFAO takes themselves seriously too. All I know is that it equals one thing - the Black Eyed Peas are a leading cause of crime in America.

I find this rather disturbing, and I normally like strip joints getting around prude laws. Yet, when a judge in Iowa says it's okay for minors to strip at a titty bar as long as they can convince him they are somewhat of a theater, I might take issue. Right. The Shotgun Geniez is a theater. I'm sure the stripper pole fits right in when they do Hamlet. And those faux lesbian acts in the $300 hospitality suite were scripted by Neil Simon. And we won't get into lap dances. Well, I might later, but not at home. Let's just say that the artistic merit of a stipper dry humping a pole really shouldn't apply to 17 year olds.

Nor should school districts be checking the webcams of school issued laptops. But that's what one school did in Philadelphia. Remotely activated the webcam on student computers. It came to light because they reprimanded a student for something that he was doing inappropriate at home. They don't say what but it's either smoking weed or choking the chicken. I'm guessing the latter since drug use would probably lead to a suspension. But spanking the monkey probably isn't. Unless it's at school. Although I guess if he was cranking the shank in front of his laptop, he was probably surfing porn on it. That's probably verboten. The stated reason for the intrusion is that it will only be used to find stolen/missing ones. Yeah right. I'm sure no one would abuse that.

When I stumbled across this piece about weird food at McDonald's restaurants worldwide, my first thought was how disgusting all of it looked. Then I remembered how disgusting I find most of the food at McDonald's. Except their McGriddle sandwiches. Those things are awesome.

Some people are really good at surprising you. Sandra Bullock just did. As a Valentine surprise, she decided to shave her hair into a heart shape and dye it pink. But not the hair on her head. A bit lower. And apparently got the color wrong. And it burned. The surprise is not that she would do that. It's that she would talk about it. I guess she feels the need to get wild to compete with her husband's ex-wife. Not sure why Bullock feels the need to compete with a skanky ex-porn actress recently released from jail. But Hollywood types do weird things. Bullock does wholesome movies. Janine did at least six of the Where The Boys Aren't movies. Janine probably has more street cred out there.

I think Tom Cruise is friggin nuts. And overall his stand on psychiatry is flat stupid. There are absolute nutsacks out that there that need clinical help. Yet, psychiatrists sure go out of their way to try to prove Cruise and his Scientologist groupies have a point. Case in point, some want to declare anything and everything to be a disorder. Here's some fun ones that they are considering adding to their diagnostic guide. I've thought a lot of ones recently were pretty bogus, but when you label being a lazy POS as a disorder, you have gone way too far. If everything is a disorder, nothing is a disorder.

And what great timing. That story came out as Tiger Woods was preparing to give his press conference to discuss his philandering and of course therapy for sex addiction. You know that disorder. HavingMoney/BeingFamous. Now do I question the sincerity of Woods' news conference to apologize? Sure. It's hard to believe that someone who cheated that much would suddenly be remorseful about anything other than getting caught. But then again, that is remorse. After all, he may have just realized that he could lose his kids over this. That could cause regret. To be honest, I don't watch golf so if it wasn't for the sheer salaciousness of the stories, I wouldn't have paid much attention. The question is whether or not he'll be forgiven and go onto be a big endorser again. Well, outside of the John Holmes brand penis pump, I've never bought a product just because it was endorsed by a celebrity. So I think companies (outside of golf equipment) would foolish to throw a lot of money at him again. Except maybe the makers of sex paraphernalia.

But my favorite part of the day was Gloria Allred shedding even more credibility by holding her own press conference with one of the mistresses to complain that Tiger didn't apologize directly to her. Apparently she is unaware that apologizing to all his mistresses by name would take up too much time. But it gets better. She also feels Woods show go into "betrayal rehab" because Woods told her client he loved her. And she gave up her career for him. Oh, I forgot to mention that she was one of the porn stars. This is the most ridiculous crap I've ever seen and anyone who takes Allred seriously from now on deserves a lobotomy. Look at the quote from her. "He led her to believe she was the only woman in his life other than his wife." "Only" means one. If you say only, there can't be two. Face it Gloria. Your client is an idiot. And you're an idiot for representing her. And for other reasons. Do they give law degrees out in a cracker jack box? None of the mistresses attached to Woods can say they didn't know he was married. Ergo, not a victim. This one takes it to a whole new level by indicating that she believed she was going to have a lifetime relationship with him. Which must mean she thought he was going to leave his wife for her. If this slut was with him for three years, wasn't that a clue that he wasn't planning to leave his wife? Wasn't having children with his wife enough of a clue for that? How stupid is she? Did she really believe that a man who built his fortune with a carefully crafted image was going to throw it all away to marry a woman whose occupation can be described as sperm dumpster? Get real. I looked up some of Joslyn James' videos on the internet (purely for research purposes). I wasn't that impressed. She should have gotten out of porn long before he asked her to.

The Ski Trip & Other Things

The Ski Trip is next weekend. Hopefully that will satisfy Phil as I talk about other things.

Way behind on a lot of things. Always get that way during football season. And probably other reasons that kept me busy. But not anything like naughty websites, social networks or heavy drinking. I don't do any of those. Now time to catch up with a lot of old crap and such.

Let's start with the fact that I'm writing this with the Pro Bowl on behind me. What the Hell is the NFL thinking by scheduling the Pro Bowl the week before the Super Bowl? The idea is to make it more relevant. Great idea. I thought having it only a week after the Super Bowl was dumb because so many players from the Super Bowl dropped out due to getting the Hell knocked out of them in that game. This precludes any Super Bowl player from being in the game at all. And a lot of players from the conference championship games will now drop out too. So, that's how you end up with Tony Romo, David Garrard and Vince Young at quarterback and Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Brett Favre watching the game. That'll make it more relevant.

Oooh. Super Bowl. This is a study in contrasts on fan bases. You have the staid and boring fans of New Orleans versus the wild, crazy and (in a lot of cases) downright criminal ones from New Orleans. There will be rioting in Hoosierland if the Colts win. Or something like that. The teams are somewhat similar although no on the Colts has said they will marry a Kardashian if they win (and the guy who made that list has no credibility if he thinks Kim Kardashian is rated ahead of Gisele Bundchen). Big edge to the Colts in that category since they won't have a player with incentive to throw the game. This is tough game for me to call. Initially, I was going with the Colts. Their defense had done fairly well in the playoffs and they had a real shot at an undefeated regular season. But the Ravens and Jets didn't have real juggernaut offenses. Arizona did, and New Orleans stopped them cold. Not that they were that good all year on defense, but the Colts weren't either. I'm picking the Saints because they can run the ball, and Reggie Bush dicked around against the Vikings and they still won. Besides, maybe he thinks a girl famous for a sex tape with some two bit rapper (I'm only assuming since I have no idea who he is) is a keeper because she has a really big ass.

Someone asked me if I watched the State of the Union address last week. Yeah, right. I don't watch that when someone I voted for is giving it. You can read it the next day. Besides, it was on a Wednesday and that's all-you-can-eat wing night at Hooters. Priorities, man. But it's all blather anyway. Good things are all my doing. Bad things aren't my fault. If the news is bad, pretend it's good. Blah blah blah. Now, going back to an old story on our exalted leader, unlike a lot of conservatives, I must say I wasn't all that upset that Barack Obama won the Noble Peace Prize. Did I think he deserved it? Of course not. He hasn't done anything as President to deserve that. That'd be like Colt McCoy being given the Heisman based on expectations. Actually, that's not correct either. McCoy had actually done things in previous years for those expectations. I can't remember if Obama has ever actually held a job. Now, do I think it was humbling for him? Of course not. Nothing humbles a narcissist.

No, the reason I think the awarding is much ado over nothing is that the Nobel Peace Prize is much ado over nothing. Look at the list. A bunch of people you've never heard of. A long line of serial incompetents (Jimmy Carter and Kofi Annan in back to back years? Does it get any more inept?). It's amazing to me that there is any prestige attached to this award when you see how it's decided. The award committee is made up of five people. Five people. Not just five people. Five people representing five political parties in the Norwegian Parliament. The most prestigious foreign policy prize is decided by five political hacks from a country smaller than Colorado? The Olympic table tennis bronze medal should be more prestigious.

How is it possible that Ford Motor Company turned a profit in the 4th quarter? They didn't get taken over by the government or half sold to their own union. How odd that Ford could make a profit. Hmmmmmm. Maybe the government getting heavily involved in the auto industry wasn't good. Who could have seen that?

Of course, not is all well in the Ford universe. After all, they are introducing cars that is Twitter enabled. Are you effing kidding me? If you're buying a car because you can listen to tweets on it, you don't just have too much time on your hands. You need help.

I'm in the wrong line of work. Some guy goes around to the off track betting places and picks up discarded tickets out of the trash and checks to see if someone threw away a winner. And makes $45,000 a year. Granted, it sounds like he's in New York and that is less than a grade school janitor makes, but it's still quite a bit. I would think he'd have better luck at the track where people are drunk and staring at college girls in summer dresses with their boobs hanging. Now that's why I'm there, but I always run my tickets through the machine before tossing them even if it was on a horse they ended up shooting on the track. To be honest, I couldn't do what this guy does. If I found a winner, I would place another bet instead of cashing the tickets.

There is a rumor going around that I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. That's not true. I despise the Black Eyed Peas. A computer program could write their stupid, repetitive songs. This was a group going nowhere until they added some skank to be the eye candy and then took off. Well, joke is on their fans. Fergie has a penis. So if you're a man who likes the Black Eyed Peas, you must like trannies.

Back to politics. Big news story. Massachusetts (I think this is a county in Vermont) just had a special election for the recently deceased Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. Scott Brown won. By 5 points. He was a Republican. The bluest of the blue states just elected a Republican to a seat that had been held by a Kennedy (or Kennedy flunky until Ted was old enough to run) since 1953. Oh , and Obama had gone there to campaign for the Democratic candidate, Martha Coakley. This was great fun for me. Watching all the news channels, the spin why he won was awesome. I saw one Democratic strategist say Brown won because voters in Massachusetts were mad that there wasn't a public option in the health care bill. Which means they voted for the candidate that opposed the public option (Brown) over the candidate in favor of it (Coakley) because they wanted it. Even Chris Matthews found something wrong with that. He's probably smart enough to know that calling a big block of voters "stupid" may not be the best strategy. My other favorite spin was that Coakley was just a bad candidate. This was the White House spin since they couldn't fathom his policies being a root cause. Was Coakley a bad candidate? Sure. She was an idiot. But let's be serious. Massachusetts is not a swing state like Ohio or Pennsylvania where being a bad candidate can lose. This was a high turnout for a special election. People don't turn out to vote against a bad candidate. They stay home. This is a state with only 10% of registered voters having an "R" after their name. Scott Brown was a complete unknown state-wide running against a former attorney general. Unknowns don't cause people to come out and vote. Again, this is Massachusetts. In 1996, William Weld was the best Republican candidate (name and money wise) for Senate in years. He lost to John Kerry by 8 points. This is Massachusetts. Only 10% of their state legislature is Republican. Special election or not, a liberal Democrat does not lose a Senate seat there due to being a bad candidate.

Ick. A British couple is earning enough money from starring in porno movies to pay for a wedding in Cancun. I'm not opposed to people using porn to make money. My problem is that this is an unattractive couple, and I think it's giving porn a bad name when people will pay to watch these two get it on.

Speaking of porn, scientists wanted to find out how men in their 20s differed based on whether they watched porn or not. The study couldn't be completed due to a lack of men in their 20s who had not watched porn. Are these researchers unaware how easy it is to find porn on the internet?

Oh, and I never got around to the Tiger Woods sex scandal. Personally, I don't watch golf and normally wouldn't care. However, once the mistress count got really high, I began paying attention. The guy just picked the wrong sport. If he played in the NBA, that number would seem low. But he plays golf. That expects a straight laced image. I saw a rumor that he was at some sex addiction clinic. What a scam. He wasn't addicted to sex. He could just afford it. I think the most amazing part of the story was the range of mistresses. Cougars, hostesses, porn stars, hookers and a Perkins waitress. A Perkins waitress? Are you effing kidding me? You're worth hundreds of millions and you're picking up chicks who work at Perkins?

Bowl Games - Pre New Year's Day

Yeah, I missed the first two bowl games, but now I'm ready to go.

New Orleans Bowl (Dec 20) - Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee
CUSA against Sun Belt. My first thought is that Southern Miss lost to Louisville so they must suck. But the Sun Belt is pretty damned bad so take Southern Miss.

Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 22) - BYU vs. Oregon State
This is the fifth straight Las Vegas Bowl for BYU. Why do I get the feeling that this isn't what Vegas was expecting when they created this bowl? The point of it was to bring tourists into Sin City. Not a bunch of Mormons. And they get to play the easy to make fun of Beavers. And I think lose to the easy to make fun of Beavers.

Poinsettia Bowl (Dec 23) - Utah vs. California
For the record, I still pronounce poinsettia without emphasizing the second "i". If you don't like it, I'll tell you wear you can shove that silly looking weed. Utah is playing for their 8th straight bowl win. Seeing as they are from a non-BCS conference, that might not seem as impressive, but two of those wins were actually in BCS bowls. If Jahvid Best was playing for Cal, I might pick them, but after that nasty injury, he's out. So are Cal's chances.


Hawaii Bowl (Dec 24) - Nevada vs. SMU
Since the founding of the Hawaii Bowl in 2002, this is only the third time the University of Hawaii hasn't played in it. So, attendance will suck as no one from Nevada or Dallas is going to fly to Hawaii to watch these dogs. No big wins by either team but SMU was crapass Washington State's only win so I pick SMU to lose this game.

Little Caesars Bowl (Dec 26) - Marshall vs. Ohio
Pizza Pizza. This used to be called the Motor City Bowl, but no automotive company could afford to sponsor it. Actually I was hoping Toyota would offer to just to see if they'd let them. So, now it's the second pizza bowl. Oh, and you have a decent MAC team facing a 6-6 CUSA team that has already fired its coach. So, I'll go with Ohio since they haven't fired their coach.

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Dec 26) - Pittsburgh vs. North Carolina
So, none of the big 3 auto makers can afford to sponsor a bowl game, but a muffler shop can. Well, nobody has semi-nationalized muffler shops. Yet. So, Pitt is more talented. And they have Dave Wannstadt. I think they have enough talent to overcome that shortcoming.

Emerald Bowl (Dec 26) - Southern Cal vs. Boston College
I love almonds. So, Southern Cal travels up the coast to San Francisco. BC travels across the entire country. BC still usually wins bowl games they have to travel to. Southern Cal will mail it in. Take BC.

Music City Bowl (Dec 27) - Kentucky vs. Clemson
Eventually UK fans may stop going to Tennessee to watch these bowl games. Probably when Joker becomes head coach and takes the ball out of his best players hand all the time and they stop making any bowl games. Now I think the ACC stinks. But Clemson finished their season losing a game that would have sent them to a BCS bowl while UK lost a game that could have put them in the Outback Bowl. I think Clemson.

Independence Bowl (Dec 28) - Texas A&M vs. Georgia
Nothing says Revolutionary War to me like Shreveport, LA. Georgia completely underachieved this year by limping home at 7-5. Texas A&M didn't underachieve but that's because no one thought they were worth a crap. And going 6-6 doesn't mean that thinking was wrong. Expect lots of offense because neither team has much defense. After seeing A&M light up Texas to end the season, I'll take them in this one.

EagleBank Bowl (Dec 29) - Temple vs. UCLA
Wait. Temple made a bowl game? How the Hell did that happen? And I'm picking them to win? I just don't have a lot of faith in a 6-6 team that needed Army to lose to Navy to make a small bowl game on the other side of the country.

Champs Sports Bowl (Dec 29) - Miami vs. Wisconsin
Hmmm. Two 9-3 teams. Both ranked. Wisconsin only played two teams worth a crap. Lost both. Miami only played two teams worth a crap. Beat one of them. Hmmm. That's enough for me. Take Miami.

Humanitarian Bowl (Dec 30) - Idaho vs. Bowling Green
On the surface, this game seems boring. Until you realize it's the Idaho Vandals versus the Bowling Green Falcons. Idaho is a team named after European barbarians based in Moscow. Bunch of Eurotrash loving commies. Falcons? The name of a Ford automobile (okay, a dumpy little car) and the F-16 fighter jet. And what says America more than lawn bowling? Go with the Falcons.

Holiday Bowl (Dec 30) - Nebraska vs. Arizona
I must admit that I haven't seen Arizona play much. I have seen Nebraska. Brutal. All defense. No offense. But enough to win a very low scoring affair.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31) - Air Force vs. Houston
Rematch from last year's Armed Forces Bowl won by Houston. Third straight year for Air Force to be in this one and they've lost the last two which doesn't make sense. It's the Armed Forces Bowl you dumb ass flyboys. But I digress. I think the point a minute offense that Houston runs will make it three straight losses for Air Force in this bowl.

Sun Bowl (Dec 31) - Oklahoma vs. Stanford
This bowl is sponsored by Brut which means it is called the Brut Sun Bowl. But I'm a traditionalist so I'm calling it the Brut by Faberge Sun Bowl. As bad as Oklahoma was this year with Sam Bradford being injured, I think his Heisman win last year was well deserved. And since he's still injured, I'm picking Stanford.

Texas Bowl (Dec 31) - Navy vs. Missouri
I can't think of much that Missouri has done this year. And Navy is fun to watch. Seems like a good enough reason to pick Navy if even if naval tradition was described by Winston Churchill as "It's all rum, sodomy and the lash."

Insight Bowl (Dec 31) - Minnesota vs. Iowa State
I thought the Insight Bowl has some better picks than this. Two 6-6 teams. A crappy Big Ten team versus a crappy Big 12 team. I guess they figured two fan bases of the upper midwest would be ecstatic to go to Arizona in late December. And they might do so. And skip the game. Heads says Iowa State.

Chick-fil-A Bowl (Dec 31) - Tennessee vs. Virginia Tech
The ACC stinks but I think Virginia Tech was at least the second best team in it. I don't think Tennessee was the second best SEC team. So go with Tech.

College Football & Other News

I thought Saturday would be the first UL/UK football game that I would attend without drinking any alcohol before going in. My dad was in town for the game and we went for breakfast buffet at Frisch's Big Boy which surprisingly does not serve alcohol. Then we went to the Red Mile where UL fans traditionally tailgate except there were a lot fewer people. But fortunately enough to give me a jump when the battery of my car died. But with few people tailgating, we just decided to wander over the railroad tracks and head to the stadium. But in the Commonwealth parking lot, a UK fan obviously didn't like the fact that I wasn't drinking so he made me drink one of his beers. Which I did because he was playing the good host so I should be the considerate guest.

There's a moral to the story above. If a host offers you a gift, you should take it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, KRAGTHORPE, YOU STUPID BASTARD? When your opponent turns the ball over three straight series, you take advantage of it. Four trips inside the 15 yard line resulting in 6 points? Great play calling. How about an option on fourth and 1? Or even better, how do you get a delay of game penalty after you spiked the ball with 8 seconds left in the game and no timeouts? What were you going to run besides the hail mary pass? This game was exciting because it was close. It was poorly played. Neither team tackled well. Clock management is apparently a lost art form in the Bluegrass State. Neither team could get much of a pass rush. I believe in moral victories if you're struggling and come up just short to top 20 teams. I don't believe in moral victories when you lose to UK.

I knew UL wasn't good. They beat Indiana State 30-10. ISU has since lost two games against to Division I-AA schools by a combined 70-0. If I was UK, I might be concerned since they needed a muffed punt to set up their go-ahead touchdown. Otherwise, they might have lost to a bad UL team. I'll be surprised if either team goes bowling. UK obviously has a better chance. They shouldn't lose to LA-Monroe or EKU so they'll got 4-0 nonconference. That means if they beat Mississippi State, they just need to upset another SEC team to get to 6-6. I still don't understand the whole love affair with Rich Brooks at UK. I just think if you accept a guy who can schedule six wins (when UL is down) with a couple of years getting to eight, that's what you're going to get. There are plenty of coaches who can do that.

I think the biggest upset of the whole weekend was Tennessee only losing to Florida 23-13. Supposedly, Florida was going to run up the score on Tennessee as payback for new Lane Kiffin coach saying some not-so-nice things about Florida in the offseason. One was falsely accusing Florida coach Urban Meyer of cheating. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. What he brought up may not have been cheating but Meyer coaches an SEC team so you know he's cheating. Kiffin also said at his first press conference something about hearing Rocky Top sung after beating Florida this year. Because most coaches use their first press conference after taking a new job to tell how they plan to lose to their new conference rival. Following the much closer than expected game, Florida players and coaches pretended that they just wanted to come out with a win. Revisionist history at its best. Everyone knew they wanted to beat Tennessee by a lot, and they didn't. While I have to still consider Florida the favorite to win the title this year, it's definitely not set in stone.

Now on to some non-sports stories because Lisa might be reading. Here's a story that may make her stop reading. A mayor in Oregon is under fire from parents for showing up to speak to students dressed in a bikini top, heels and miniskirt. What's worse? He's a transgendered male. What's worse than that? He's a horribly ugly middle aged male dressing up like that. I would vomit if that thing showed up in a bikini top and miniskirt. But he thinks it's perfectly acceptable because he's a complete moron.

Let's find a better miniskirt story to try to get that image out of my mind before I throw up. Here's one. Some sheriff deputies were driving back to Midland from gun training and stopped at a restaurant called Twin Peaks which sounds like a wholesome family restaurant. After having a few beers and possibly chicken fried steak, one of the deputies allowed one of the waitresses to pose with a rifle on his squad car. Now, I'm not saying this was the smartest thing to do, but I want to know if the rifle was loaded, because if it wasn't, she was there with a club. And who called the cops? She was holding a rifle on a police car. Did someone think it was gang activity? It's a hot chick sitting on a car with a rifle. This is Texas. That happens.

At least that restaurant visit didn't lead to an arrest like this one in Detroit. A guy gets a date with some chick he recently met. They go to Buffalo Wild Wings. I don't know why since that place doesn't carry the pepperoni pockets anymore. He claims to have left his wallet in her car. She gives him her keys to get it. He drives off with her car. And women thought dating me was bad. Showing what a brilliant thief he is, he forgets that he previously sent her a picture of himself.

This was awhile back but still interesting how stupid people are. Scotland was lambasted by our FBI director for releasing the Lockerbie bomber. Apparently some people believe that if you murder 270 people with an airline bomb, you should serve more than seven years. Granted, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have let him stay in jail for that long. He'd be in the ground. Scotland maintains that it often gives compassionate release to terminally ill convicts. Yeah, I'm not sure this is the same as releasing some guy who cheated on his taxes. It makes it a little more unseemly when he's given a hero's welcome upon his return to Libya. The idiot who let him go was shocked, shocked that they broke their agreement not to give him one. Has he missed the decades of Qaddafi rule? He's not known for keeping agreements. What I love is the idiot bomber who was greeted by Qaddafi who acted like a long lost relative. Is he forgetting that Qaddafi is the one who turned him over for trial? And if the bomber was truly innocent, Qaddafi could have cleared him because by paying restitution, Qaddafi admitted he knows who really planned the bombing.

Oh, and we're finding out that the British may (and by may, I mean they did) have let him go as part of an oil deal with Libya. I guess it might be better to think they were corrupt rather than stupid.

Why would anyone make a deal with Qaddafi? He's nuts. His latest was trying to use the UN to abolish Switzerland. Why? His son was once arrested for beating up a hotel maid there. The fact that the UN actually takes his membership seriously is reason #10,294 why we should kick the UN out of New York.

Man, I thought I was a slob. I'm an amateur compared to this guy. Some dude in New York had so much trash in his apartment that the smell prompted police to check it out because they assumed there was a corpse in there. No corpse. Just a nasty smelly man. In a public housing complex. How did they deal with The Problem? Oh, they moved the neighbors who could not stand the smell elsewhere. Notice the word "public". Remember that level of competency when you hear the "public option" of health care reform.

Here's a fun story. Some Kraut used tire repair solvent to fix his air mattress. Apparently trying to inflate it the next day caused a spark which caused the mattress to blow up. Which was powerful enough to move his wall. My first thought was "what an idiot". My next thought was "I wonder if I can get an air mattress to explode like that".

Great Britain is messed up. They let a guy go home after being convicted of 270 cases of murder. Then they tell Boy Scouts not to bring their scout knives to camp. Why? Because England has a lot of crime with knives. Are you friggin' kidding me? I'm willing to bet that the knife crime is not the product of Boy Scouts. I'm also willing to bet the knives being used in those crimes are not Boy Scout pen knives. I know. I was a Boy Scout. Boy Scout knives suck. They're barely good enough for whittling. Any competent criminal will just grab a steak knife over that piece of crap. And I was a hell of a lot more dangerous with fire than I ever was with a knife.

Of course this is England. They had a businessman whose family was held hostage by three men who threatened to kill them all. That is until the hostages got loose and proceeded to beat the hell out of one of them. Guess who is going to jail? The guy held hostage. Once again, are you friggin' kidding me? How stupid can you be as a country? Let's see. If I rob someone and get my ass kicked, you'll put them in jail and pay me compensation? What's the drawback here? If I was on that jury, I'd have acquitted him even if he'd killed them. Keep him from robbing my house.

I'm surprised it took this long to happen, but in Turkey, some guys (you know it was guys) set up a fake Big Brother style reality show to lure hot chicks into a house where they taped everything they did. And sold the naked pictures on the internet. At least until the police raided the place. Well good. There's no place in the high character world of reality television for this type of behavior. By the way, pass the word to any hot chicks you know. I'm going to be putting together a Big Brother style reality show in my apartment. Women only. They can send me their applications. Pictures required.

Did anyone see a star in the sky that night? A Polish woman is suing an Egyptian resort because her 13 year old daughter got pregnant while they were there. Her reasoning is that her daughter couldn't' have been impregnated through sex. Instead, she must have been knocked up by 'stray sperm' that was in the swimming pool. Was her daughter swimming naked? After all, that explanation would mean that the sperm would have to survive the chlorine and heat of the pool water and then work its way through the girl's swimsuit into her stuff. Yeah, that could happen. I'm sure this will end all of those jokes about Polish people. And I'll have to remember this when.........I mean if I ever start banging teenagers.

An interesting study came out. It found out why women have sex. Apparently it has nothing to do with love and passion. It's for material gain, out of boredom, sympathy (I need to use that more) and to get their significant other to stop bothering them. And this was the best part. They found that "most women do not find most men sexually attractive." And here I thought it was just me. Did all you guys who think you're hot stuff read that? Women think you're as nasty and disgusting as me. At least, that's the way I read it.

Meat Eating Plants and other news stories

A team of Brits who like plants have discovered a very large meat-eating one in the Philippines (no verification if one of them tried to put his junk into it). They say it can eat a rat, but do they know that? And did they find out by dropping rats into it? And did they say how big a rat it would eat? Like maybe one as big as a small cat? Maybe that's this guys next step. A man in New York has been arrested for killing four (possibly five) of his girlfriend's cats and maiming a sixth. Two at a time over a three month period. Let's be clear that I am not condoning his behavior which is certainly extreme. However, how stupid is that woman? You have two cats die in October. You get two more in November and one dies and the other becomes seriously damaged. At this point, even if you aren't smart enough to suspect someone is trying to intentionally kill the kitties, don't you think God is trying to tell you that you shouldn't have cats? Nope. She goes to get two more.

It's times like these that I find it hard to fathom that anyone would consider making the District of Columbia a state. And it doesn't even involve the continuing electoral career of serial criminal Marion Barry. Washington consistently has one of the highest poverty and murder rates in the country. Want to know who a DC councilman is blaming for it? Single slice pizza stands. Now when I lived in Maryland, big greasy pizza slices did have a drug connection. Namely, the guy who owned Frank's Pizza trafficked cocaine out of his. In this case, it appears that drunks from the local bars stop for a slice of pizza and get into fights. So, wouldn't closing the bars seem the more appropriate way to stop drunken violence? It would unless you're an elected official in Washington DC.

After all, Washington is where they've begun ticketing people who are parked in their own driveway. Not people who are letting part of their car hang over the sidewalk or even street. It's people whose cars aren't completely passed the front of the house. How can they do that? The law is that the property between the sidewalk and front of the house is public property. Although the "owner" still must maintain it. Does this mean that homeowners are going to have to begin repaving the street in front of their house? Does this mean I can have a picnic on someone's front lawn? After all, it's public space.

Major college basketball coaches in Kentucky aren't having a good time of it lately. Rick Pitino's problems come from off the court while John Calipari's are on it. As a Louisville fan, does the allegations about his one night stand/alleged rape/abortion connection change my opinion about him? Not really. On a personal level, I've never liked him much anyway. His "I meant it at the time I said it" pattern means I never believe a lot of what comes out of his mouth. I don't believe him when he says this was a one time thing. There were rumors about him philandering when he was at UK. Why would I think it suddenly stopped. However, I don't believe he raped her. And I only need one reason to figure that out. Why would she marry the guy who worked for her rapist and at whose home the second alleged rape occurred? That means in six months, she decided to marry a man who didn't stop her from being raped and whose job would make her have to spend time around that rapist? Sorry, not buying it. And while I assume Pitino knew it was possible that she might get an abortion, I actually believe him when he says the money wasn't for that. He did give her a lot more money than what it would cost. Of course, I doubt the baby was even his. She told him 2 weeks after which is about as early as it would show on a test. Was she checking every day? Plus, if it was his and she wants money, why kill the golden goose? Not that she's shown herself to be really bright. She could have nickle and dimed him for years or asked for a few hundred thousand at once and probably got it. Instead, she asks for $10 million to keep her mouth shut. Well, he makes about $2.5 million a year which means his take home pay is less than half of that. That means she was asking him for eight years of take home pay which means he's no longer worried about losing his job over any embarrassment because it'd be a lot cheaper to quit than pay $10M. Oh, and she's also probably going to jail over it.

Now, I don't think my coaches need to be saints so since I don't think he broke the law, I wouldn't fire him over one count of adultery that happened several years ago. However, if I thought the potential distraction outweighed keeping him, I'd want him gone. However, I don't want Ralph Willard as the interim coach (fine at WKU & Holy Cross, just plain bad at Pitt) so for this year, I don't see any choice other than keeping Pitino. And I'm not sure the conditions at road games will be that terrible. UK is already wanting blood so who cares about there. I laugh whenever I see "pundits" point out all the Catholic schools on UL's schedule and their reaction to the abortion claim. Yeah, right. Catholic schools are being criticized a lot lately for honoring pro choice politicians and allowing pro choice (and gay) groups and activities be sponsored on campus. It's pretty clear that most of their students aren't going to get bent out of shape over things opposite of church teaching. And the other claim that it will hurt recruiting is pretty silly too. How many college basketball players do you think are that concerned with a coach messing around like that? Probably a lot want to pick up some pointers on picking up chicks willing to not just sleep with you, but put out at the bar itself.

Now Calipari has a different problem. His best season ever was a 38 win runner up in 2007. Well, it's gone. Vacated because star player/imbecile Derrick Rose cheated to pass the SAT to be eligible. My favorite part of the whole thing is watching the feuding columnists at the Herald-Leader. You have Mark Story who has been against Calipari's hiring from the get-go due to his sketchy rep. Then you have John Clay who is so embarrassingly fawning over Calipari that he should be paid for his PR work. Come on. A headline that says "Calipari Guilty of Trusting NCAA"? Please. I freely admit there isn't any way to connect Calipari directly to Rose's cheating, but to pretend he's some kind of victim is laughable. I initially thought he was a good hire even with the Umass problem. Then I thought it was nuts that UK hired him when I found out that Memphis was being investigated and UK knew it. UK is not a program that can get away with hiring a cheater. It would be like Alabama hiring someone with probation in his background.

Do I think you can prove that Calipari knew Rose cheated? Nope. Do I think he did know? Hell yeah. Top athletes who have committed to a program don't send their transcripts to the NCAA clearinghouse. The school handles it. The school and staff are well aware what's going on with their academic life if they aren't qualified. Does anyone think Calipari wasn't aware that Rose had failed a standardized test three times and suddenly passed one in another state? I don't and I'm not alone. Georgia refused to admit Robert Dozier because of a very sketchy test score. Calipari was okay with it and Dozier did graduate with degree in interdisciplinary studies. Wait, did he get a degree in Undecided? A degree. I'll take that with a grain of salt. James Brooks graduated with a degree from Auburn and couldn't read. Calipari also got a bunch of other geniuses from a really suspect prep school that Dozier attended. Add that to his Umass problem and it's hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean he'll get a Final Four vacated at UK? Don't know. I do know that a friend at work was completely correct about one thing. If Calipari stayed at Memphis and this came up, all the UK fans would insist he was a cheater. I also think that if UK does get a Final Four invalidated because of Calipari, they'll still hang a banner at Rupp Arena for it.

Here's a teacher with a degree who is stupider than James Brooks. An idiot fourth grade teacher thought it would be okay to have fake wedding ceremony with a student. One of his students. A fourth grader. Which we know is bad because fourth graders are such jealous, harpie bitches towards each other and will hold the favortism against her. Oh, and fourth graders are like ten years old. WTF could he have been thinking? Really. WTF. How could that turn out anything but bad?

This teacher knew that certain things should not be known. She got it on with a 15 year old student (of the male gender). And gave him $1500. I really hope that the money was to pay for his silence. She's not a great beauty but she could easily get one night stands by offering herself. I can't believe she'd find sex with a teenager good enough to pay for. $1500? That's what....$1500 per minute?

Then we get this one. A teacher in California decides to make a home DVD of class activities for her elementary school kids. And somehow includes a clip of her fingerbanging herself for a handful of seconds. But fear not. She's probably not going to be fired. I guess I could look for a follow up story but I don't feel like it. But it's nice that everyone is convinced that it was just an accident. Who knows what kind of freak she really is? And the father who wants counseling for his kids is classic. He also wants someone to answer his kids' questions. I can do that. Just tell them that she's looking for her keys.

Michael Vick & Other Stuff

So the Eagles signed Michael Vick. I knew someone would. Didn't think the Eagles would. In fact, no matter how I look at it, the deal makes no sense to me. Let's ignore for the moment the whole PR disaster that could result from it. Let's look at the football part of it. To begin with, Vick may not even be able to play until almost halfway through the season but will take up a roster spot until then. The idea is that Vick can run the "Wildcat" formation for the Eagles. But that's a limited formation that bad offenses use because defenses struggle to prepare for it. Of course, the reason defenses struggle with it is because it's not a base offense and is essentially a trick play. And it's value goes down the more you use it. I'm not sure Vick running the offense will be that effective because the Wildcat is essentially a running back with the ability to make a decent throw playing quarterback. Which is basically what Vick was in Atlanta. An inaccurate passer who could tuck it and run. What's worse is the Eagles apparently didn't even try him out before they signed him. He looked chunkier than before. Who knows if he's even going to have his game breaking speed anymore.

And the Eagles didn't have a bad offense overall last year. They were the fifth highest scoring team in the regular season and made the NFC title game. Will a few boosts really make that much of a difference? Especially at the expense of team chemistry? Sure everyone says the right things. Donovan McNabb insists he pushed for it. But behind the scenes, that doesn't sound true. And why would anyone think McNabb is for it? He was unhappy when the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb in the second round. Why would he suddenly be happy that they signed a quarterback who was once a star? And as Jaws says, Vick is a threat to McNabb. Philly has a passionate fanbase, but they've never been accused of being very smart about the game itself. They'll be screaming for Vick if McNabb has a bad series. That could be a problem for McNabb who is overly sensitive.

Then there is the whole PR problem surrounding why Vick was out of football for two years. Sure, America's village idiot, Jesse Jackson, actually claimed the NFL was colluding to keep Vick out and he deserves a second chance. Sure, he may deserve a second chance, but that doesn't mean an NFL team has to give it to him. Playing pro football is a privilege, not a right. He can go dig ditches for all I care. Teams have to measure how he'll impact their win/loss record plus their image which affects the bottom line. The Eagles' owner is already taking a hit to his reputation by signing Vick after saying a couple of years back that he'd never have a dog fighter on his team. And let's remember that Vick was doing more than fighting dogs. He was pretty much torturing ones that didn't pan out. Does this mean I don't believe him when he says he was remorseful about the "horrible mistake" he made while engaged in it? Of course I don't believe him. They were hanging dogs to kill them. I refuse to believe he thought he was doing something wrong but couldn't at least switch to shooting the dogs to make it quicker. He's only remorseful that he got caught. The Eagles are going to have a distraction of people very unhappy with this signing and they're stupid if they didn't know it was coming. This writer hits the nail on the head. Why are so many people out there risking their reputation to support Michael Vick?

But let's get to some stories that I've been saving for quite some time:
Let's start with England. A few months back, I mentioned a story where some 12 year old boy supposedly knocked up his girlfriend. Well, he wasn't the father. So soul-searching in England will now have to shift to asking why a 14 year old girl has so many people claiming to have fathered her baby.

Speaking of teen sex, we have another story of a cougar sleeping with teen boys. Except she has a novel excuse. This woman wanted to keep predatory boys from messing with her girls. By sleeping with those predatory boys. Oh, and because it made her feel young and attractive. But it was really about protecting her daughters. If my "she-was-warming-her-hands-in-pants" excuse didn't fly, this one shouldn't.

Ah China. A man is feeling suicidal and climbs a bridge to jump off. Another man decides he's tired of people trying to get attention by pretending they are going to kill themselves. Which seemed an accurate idea in this case since the guy was only 26 feet up. So, the passerby pushes him off the bridge. Problem solved.

I find this story from Britain more concerning than the one about 14 year old sluts. Pringles will now be taxed under their VAT because it has too much "potatoness". Something not quite right in taxing Pringles as a non-food because of too much food content. Also something very wrong with a 17% sales tax on potato chips.

Nice to see Yale is training their students to come up with big ideas. Even if they are incredibly dumb. One student decided to live in a "sustainable house". She calls it sustainable because she's able to power it with solar cells. Well, her definition of sustainable seems to include things that my definition wouldn't. Like being the size of a dorm room. And being built with donated material. And having a neighbor let you use their bathroom because this house doesn't have one. This is ridiculous to think she's proven anything. She essentially is living in a solar powered garden shed. Does anyone really think that this is a realistic model for future dwellings?

Interesting marketing plan by Cheap Trick. They're going to release an album on 8 track. Not necessarily a way to get younger fans who won't even know what an 8 track is. As someone whose first stereo was a hand-me-down that included an 8 track player, I wouldn't be real thrilled to go back to that format. Cassette tapes replaced 8 tracks for little reasons like being more portable, cheaper and the ability to rewind. Oh, and cassettes didn't have the wonderful "8 Track Click" that would often happen when you were in the middle of a song. Certain irony for me with this story. I didn't have very many 8 track cartridges (the stereo also had a record player and 8 tracks weren't readily available anymore), but one that I found at a garage sale was In Color by Cheap Trick.

How about some hooker stories. Here's one about your government at work. Well, if you're in Amsterdam. The city council is very concerned about the ability of whores to get bank loans. I have no idea why banks might think hookers are bad credit risks and not want to give them money.

In Mexico, two midget wrestlers were killed by female robbers pretending to be hookers. Damned shame when little people have to worry about their whores not really being whores.

And finally, I stumbled across this video from Thunder Over Louisville Air Show this year. It's two Chinook helicopters dipping themselves in the Ohio River while putting on their show. My brother was flying one of them.

Cars & Stuff

Once again, I have fallen behind on updating my blog. I haven't even written about the massive government interference in the auto industry yet. It came up again recently when they decided to throw more money into the "Cars For Clunkers" program. Why not just throw money down the toilet? The point of the program is to get people to trade in old, inefficient cars for ones with better mileage standards. It's supposed to help the environment by getting those inefficient cars off the road, and help the economy by getting people to buy cars. I'm failing to see how either can be attained by destroying a perfectly functional car.

Environmentally, what do you get? Some savings on mileage? How much pollution do you create destroying the car and building a brand new one compared to a car that gets 5 miles per gallon worse? And you're probably not getting the cars off the road that you want. It's really old ones that are the big polluters, because cars just lose integrity in their miles per gallons and emissions controls as they age. And those are most likely to be owned by people who are poor. Since the program only applies if you buy a new car, that will exclude them from it. I don't know why this administration hates poor people so much, but this program screws them. More than likely they can't afford a new car so trading in their POS for a Prius isn't feasible. And by destroying all the cars, they're hurting the used car market. With a bunch serviceable cars off the used car market, buying a good used car will be more expensive (lower supply equal higher prices). So, instead of being able to trade their 10 year old car for a 5 year old one that probably gets better mileage, that person will stick with their old beater.

Now, some people who can't afford a new car may decide to buy one anyway to take advantage of the cash. Which means they'll have to take out a loan that has a better chance of defaulting. Do you think a glut of bad loans could be a problem? But that's not the only economically unsound part of the program. Just because people are buying cars doesn't mean it's stimulating the economy. It's just moving money from one sector of the economy to another. That's probably why there was a decline in retail sales last month. People would have been spending the money on something else. Which brings up a very important question? Should the government in a free society be picking which economic sector will be successful by subsidizing it?

Of course, we already know that the present administration has decided to become very involved in the American auto industry. They now own big chunks of GM and pushed Chrysler to basically give itself to Fiat, a company that has never sold cars well in this country. Barack Obama insists that the government doesn't want to run GM and plans to sell it off as soon as possible. Yeah, that's a prize jewel you're putting on the market. I'm sure everyone wants a business that is in massive debt and still tied to a crippling labor agreement. Amtrak was only supposed to be government financed for a few years. We're almost 40 years in on that one. And we'll be stuck with GM. The amount of government money already plowed into that white elephant can probably never be paid back even if it goes private again.

What a great idea this is. Everyone knows what great car designs and quality come out of government owned car industries. Think about all those Eastern European countries with state run economies. Their cars (think Yugos) were in huge demand in the west. Why would anyone think the government can run a lemonade stand let alone a massively large car company? Especially since the decision making so far has been made by a task force that has one person on it with experience in the auto industry. On the labor side. Which happens to be a big cause of GM's competitive problems.

What was one of their first decisions? Closing a bunch of dealerships because Toyota and Honda are being more successful than GM and Chrysler and they have fewer dealerships. Hate to tell these morons, but Toyota isn't out-selling GM because of fewer dealerships. And if your problem is selling cars, having fewer outlets for them isn't going to help. The argument is GM dealers are often competing with each other instead of other car companies so they undercut each other's prices. How is this a bad thing for the consumer? That would be like an appliance company refusing to sell to Meijer because they might drop their prices to compete with Walmart. I'm sure car buyers will flock to the more expensive sellers. Dealers buy their cars from the manufacturer and resell them. GM isn't losing money when one of their dealer drops his prices. They also argue that they have to give incentives to all the dealers. No, they don't. They can let each dealership sink or swim on their own.

And it doesn't account for what you lose. To begin with, a lot of jobs. And for another, they're making an assumption that if one dealership sells 200 and another sells 500, then the larger dealer will sell 700 when the smaller one closes. Yes, people can be brand loyal with cars, but they may also be loyal to the dealership they've shopped at for years. And aren't willing to drive to the next county to buy their new car when there is a perfectly good Toyota dealer just down the road with cheaper cars. Especially when one starts thinking about having to drive to the next county to get it serviced.

And then you get into the whole problem of government decision when they have that kind of power. There are already some people questioning whether dealers that are being closed could be picked for political reasons. Obama states that the government won't get involved in the day to day business decisions, but they already are by pushing for hybrids and more smaller cars. That's a great way to get GM out of financial trouble. Selling unprofitable products. Toyota sells a ton of hybrids but doesn't make money off of them.

As for small cars, American car companies are already having trouble competing with Japanese companies due to labor costs. People who drive Camrys and Accords aren't going to suddenly switch back to a more expensive Fusion or Malibu. And remember how American auto makers were criticized for pushing SUVs which became poor sellers when gas prices soared? SUVs are the only reason GM managed to stave off bankruptcy this long. SUVs and trucks were the only profitable vehicles they had. It's simple economics. SUVs had a high selling price so labor was a smaller percentage of each one. With a small car, it's a much larger percentage so it means UAW built cars are more expensive. And yet, the UAW knows it's power in this relationship. So, GM will be building a subcompact car in the US. If they aren't competitive with the foreign competitors on small cars now, why should we expect it to be better on even smaller cars? Here's a car that's already a top seller and uses no fossil fuels to drive. It's Obama's dream car.

Michael Jackson & Other News

Man, I got behind on this blog. Got a lot to catch up on. Michael Jackson died and it was a huge deal. For most people. I was kind of indifferent. In fact, the tragic death of an Iowa football coach and even pitchman Billy Mays were more compelling to me. I certainly didn't wish Jackson dead. I'd rather parents just not let kids sleep over with him. But people die everyday, and I just don't find his to be that extraordinary. I don't feel a part of my childhood is lost. To begin with, I'm not that big a fan of pop music. Billie Jean was a great song, and Thriller was a really good album, but the last song of his I thought was decent was Smooth Criminal. King of Pop? I thought Prince had more talent. And when he became a sideshow freak, I no longer considered him a good part of my childhood (but probably still better than a lot of other childhoods he ruined). But even if I was a huge fan and didn't believe he had molested children, I still wouldn't be that torn up about it. To be honest, my concern for celebrity well being is so they continue to entertain. Jackson hadn't done anything for well over a decade. He's spent a lot of time scamming people into thinking he would do something new before bailing out again. I never thought his new tour would happen (but not because I thought he would die). The only contribution Jackson has made lately is silly tabloid crap over his bizarre behavior. Personally, I found that more pathetic than interesting.

A man (who might have been drunk) was arrested for using a live swan to beat on his friend. Now my first thought was how terrible for the swan. But then my next thought was that it was probably pretty funny to see. My final thought was to wonder if that made a good weapon.

The US soccer team made news this week by almost winning their first FIFA tournament. But they lost. Would have been a nice win since it would have pissed off the rest of the world. Other than that, I don't care. I've long said that as long as football and basketball are as popular as they are here, the US won't be a top team in soccer. The best US athletes just play other sports. I don't know that Barry Sanders would have been a good soccer player but with his speed and nimble feet, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened if he played soccer from childhood. Yet, other countries are so silly about that sport that some thought Iran's election could hinge on it. Which turned out to be a stupid thought when the ruling mullahs simply swiped the election for Ahmadinejad. Who needs soccer when you run a brutal dictatorship.

Which has led to mass protests in Iran. Which surprises me because it wasn't a fair election even before the fraud. All candidates have to be pre-approved by the ruling religious council. Someone didn't get the memo. Now our Lord and Savior, Barak Obama, doesn't seem to be sure what the Hell he thinks about all this. I'm sure it's all a distraction. But Obama did do one thing. He took back his invitations (that were never accepted) for Iranian diplomats to attend 4th of July parties at American embassies. It was called "Hot Dog Diplomacy". What a great idea. Invite people from a totalitarian country to celebrate our freedom. Probably for the best. This is the same administration that gave the British PM DVDs that wouldn't work over there. Probably would have served 100% pork hot dogs. Oh, but Obama did credit his speech in Cairo for leading to the protests even though it never really addressed Iranian voting freedom. But I'm sure it was all because of the speech and has nothing to do with the fact that Iraqis are freely voting right next door.

I'm not going to belittle a county for complaining that a Krispy Kreme plant is clogging sewer pipes. Well, I am. On one point anyway. It says that the sewage plant is "permeated by the smell of doughnuts". As opposed to raw sewage? I think I'd prefer the smell of doughnuts over crap.

Some contestant on American Idol made news by coming out of the closet. I was shocked. I thought that was a requirement to finish second place.

Mmmmmmmm. Cleavage.

Hell yeah. I've been worried about the proposed A-Team movie because I heard some rapper named Common was going to be B.A.. Who the Hell is that? But now I've heard some good news. They might be getting Liam Neeson to be Hannibal Smith. I could easily see him stepping into George Peppard's role. I'm not really sure who they should get for B.A.. Mr. T was really a character himself, not just playing one. But they better have the A-Team van. And it's a movie so they can actually shoot people instead of just their cars.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes PETA very seriously. Oh, because they equate throwing dead fish in a fish market to throwing dead kittens. Get a clue, dumbasses. People aren't going to make that comparison because kittens are pets. Those fish are for dinner. If we ate kittens (and depending on where you get your takeout, you might), people might throw their carcasses around.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes England very seriously anymore. Oh, because in an effort to combat knife violence, someone there came up with the stab proof knife. Yeah, I'm sure the criminal element will be scarfing these up. Actually, they probably like it because if they break into your house, you can't even grab a knife to defend yourself anymore.

Here's why they should make losers in frivolous lawsuits not only have to pay all the expenses, but sterilize some of them. A woman sues Captain Crunch because the Crunchberries were not real fruit as she expected. Okay, it's bad enough that she thought she could convince anyone that there is a non-retarded person out there who thinks there are such a thing as Crunchberries growing in the wild. No, the reason this women needs to be eliminated from the gene pool is because she ate them for four years before deciding they weren't fruit.

Hey, maybe this was her attorney. Up in Jeffersonville, Indiana, a lawyer who represents several public entities somehow got drunk and ended up in a neighbor's garbage can. Now the mayor is on the attack. Not against his embarrassment of an attorney. Nope, he wants to go after the cops because they took pictures on their cell phones and let the pictures out. Sorry, chump. The cops weren't in the wrong. That pictures was taken on a public street. If they were wrong about anything, it's because they didn't arrest him for getting drunk and passing out in the garbage can. How low rent is that guy? When I get drunk and wallow in filth, it's usually my own. Not my neighbor's.

The Greatest Story of the Year & Other News

Okay, maybe not of the year, but it certainly made my day when I heard that Tony Kornholer is no longer going to do Monday Night Football. He was the absolute worst broadcaster I ever heard. He'd spend half the time rambling about nothing. Or fawning over whatever schmo they pulled from some ABC show they were pimping. Or worse, asking absolutely stupid questions that make me wonder if he ate lead paint to prepare for the show. Dennis Miller had better knowledge of football than Kornholer. I think I took a dump that had more football knowledge than Kornholer. Now they're replacing him with Jon Gruden. What an idea. Having an actual broadcaster doing play-by-play and two football guys doing color. I wonder if that will work.

I didn't bet the filly in the Preakness, but only because I almost never bet at those odds. But I thought she was clearly the best horse in the field. She wasn't even running her best race and still won by a full length. They aren't sure if she'll go to the Belmont which is too bad. She's the best 3 year old running. Of course it helps that a good chunk of the top horses have been hurt. Old Fashioned got hurt early. I Want Revenge was a late Derby scratch. I was hoping Quality Road would be back for the Belmont, but it looks like he won't. I think he could be the best 3 year old out there. Could be some interesting inbound horses for the Belmont though. Dunkirk has the talent so he could be there. But I'm looking at Charitable Man coming out of the Peter Pan. I think that could be the one if Rachel Alexandra skips it.

There's been talk of the Preakness moving from Pimlico Racetrack because nobody goes any other time and it's in a ghetto. But it's not like Churchill is in a great neighborhood. No, the problem is people in Maryland just don't care that much about horse racing anymore. Attendance at the Preakness was down a bunch this year. Because they banned BYOB in the infield. Might want to bring that back. What's a horse race without guys running on top of porta-cans. I'm not surprised that's the case. Growing up in Louisville, the Derby was huge and so was horse racing in general. When I lived just north of Baltimore, Preakness Day was fairly big deal, but not much more than a college football game big. Otherwise no talked about horse racing.



John Edwards is the story that keeps on giving. To begin with, I should feel sorry for his wife. He cheated on her while she had cancer. Granted, she was in remission but I was never sure that was better. Most likely knocked up his mistress. But she makes it tough when she talks to Oprah and blames the other woman. Lying incoherently didn't help matters. Does anyone really believe she was told about it and didn't want the mistress fired? Now, we get the story that some of Edwards' campaign staff had a plan to derail his campaign if it looked like he'd get the nomination because they were concerned the rumors were true. That's great. I'm sure all the shmucks who shelled out a lot of money for his campaign were happy to hear that.

A poster of Bill O'Reilly being assassinated is hanging on the wall of a restaurant in Venice, CA. I thought it was conservatives that were hateful.

I don't understand this. There is only one pig in Afghanistan. In a zoo. I do understand that Muslims don't eat pork because it's unclean, but banning pigs is silly. There are plenty of animals that we don't eat that aren't banned from the country. Chinchillas. Iguanas. Bald eagles. Homeless children.

Two employees somewhere at Yellowstone were fired and charged with crimes for taking a piss in Old Faithful. There is no mention of whether alcohol was involved. God, I hope so. I've been drunk before but never thought about pissing in a boiling pot of water. That'd be a good punishment. Have them stand around with their wangs hanging out next to a geyser that isn't always on time.

Cat Stevens is going to sue Coldplay over some Coldplay song sounding like some Cat Stevens song. I can't really make a determination if it's really a ripoff because I didn't feel like listening to either song.

I shouldn't laugh about this because these kids are probably going to be screwed up in the future. But a woman in Dallas (probably a Cowboys fan which explains everything) gave birth to fraternal twins and just found out they have different daddies. She says she did cheat on her man but manages to try to sound like a victim when she says "Out of all people in America and of all people in the world, it had to happen to me". Yeah. It's God's fault. Or the fact you're a ho who can't keep her legs closed.

What kind of story is this? Two chicks get busted for prostituting themselves with a minor, and the article doesn't even mention his age? If he's a 17 year old minor, so what? If he's 11, that's more interesting. Besides, I don't see where he got busted for solicitation. Sure he's a minor, but he was buying. And at $5 to $30, I'm curious what he was buying. Sure, I assume that you're getting something for $30 but from a skank. But $5? What kind of junkie whore gives away anything for $5?

No reason to have one hooker story without another. Some Polish dude took his 14 year old son out to get himself a whore to lose his virginity with. Too bad the kid picked out the cop. Freshman. They don't know the clean one is a cop. Oh, they were in England too. Maybe in Poland, that's okay. But it says the deal was only for 20 pounds which is $30 so maybe I always thought hookers cost more. Crap, you can get a lapdance for $30. Am I wasting my money or are these guys going after really nasty hookers?

Let's do some "Your Government At Work" stories. Number one is only if you live in Massachusetts which makes you a Masshole. The state is giving cars to welfare recipients so they can drive to work. Unless they go back on welfare. Then they can keep the free car and just lose the insurance and AAA membership. Why the Hell they would buy deadbeats AAA insurance that most people who pay for their own $hit don't have is beyond me. And I'm sure they're running out and buying liability insurance. Just because you don't own squat and have no reason to fear a lawsuit when you get high on meth and ram into another car is no reason to think these people won't get insurance. So, let's give high risk people a car and put them out on the road with no insurance. Great friggin idea.

Great. The government is funding a study through the NIH to find out why gay men like to take risks with their buttsex when they're drunk. Except the study was to take place in gay bars in Argentina. Now, I'm not gay, Argentinian or drunk. Well, maybe drunk. But I can answer this question. To begin with, drunk people make lousy decisions. Secondly, it's two guys. Both are trolling for sex. What did they expect to happen? And why would they think gay bars in Argentina would be different from home grown gay bars?

But gay bars in Argentina aren't the only places that are getting US government money. Chinese whorehouses are too. Apparently if they have bars. Wayne State got a grant to teach Chinese whores to drink responsibly while selling their cootchie. Granted, there is nothing worse than a drunk chinese hooker, but the point is to stop the spread of HIV. Do they really think these women are spreading disease because they are drunk and not because they are whores?