Another Ski Trip Recap

Once again Phil has chastised me for not writing up the ski trip. Apparently my various mentions in my Super Bowl recap were insufficient. As he pointed out to me on the phone, everyone wants to read about the ski trip. I notice when he finally posted about it, he got five comments over the next two days. Of course, I also noticed two West Virginians who complained about his lateness in posting have blogs of their own that haven't been updated in quite some time. Still, as everyone knows, I hate to disappoint Phil, so I have decided to whip something up about the ski trip while watching the UL/Marquette basketball game which I don't expect to hold me up for a week and a half.

Ski Trip Factoid - UK is 1-3 since beating Arkansas during the ski trip. UL is 3-1 since losing to Villanova on the same day. What does that mean? Probably nothing.

All in all, it was another fine time. On the trip down, the Indian (Asian type, not Native American) selling Megan Hendicks cold medicine at Walgreens was willing to tell me how to make crystal meth. He seemed to be flirting with Megan so apparently he had learned early that the easy way to pick up girls in eastern Tennessee was to know the recipe for white trash crack. Fortunately, that stop also caught us back up with others who stopped for overpriced coffee at Starbucks. This allowed me to follow Jon through the backroads which means if we had hit a Klan rally and bad things happened to Brett, it wasn’t my fault.

Cabin situation - I had originally planned on irritating Phil by carping all weekend about going from one giant cabin to one big one and two small ones over the hill. But a good samaritan talked me out of it by saying Phil wasn't taking it too well (and I also forgot about it pretty quickly). So, based on that, I won't complain about it here, because Phil didn't take it too well as he got drunk early and tried to kill himself in the hot tub. I think I speak for all of us when I say that I'm happy Phil didn't drown. Do you realize how much explaining you have to do when the cops show up about a dead body? Plus, I know people would have called me insensitive for insisting that we carry on with the ski trip (Phil would have wanted it that way). Oh yeah, and we'd all miss Phil, be very sad at his passing et cetera, et cetera. But, God, think of the paperwork.

Actually, I can't really complain too much about the accommodations. Sure, it was a pain in the ass to walk to the other cabin when it was dark out because you had to avoid construction equipment and a port-a-can. Solved that problem Saturday night by going back to the cabin at sunrise Sunday morning. The good thing was I had a bed to myself and my roommate, Vic, didn't snore on the futon. The one drawback to the room was the lack of curtains when the sun came up. Plus, there wasn't a door so anyone could walk in and jump on a sleeping Vic. Then, you never know who you end up in bed with. On the plus side, not having a door meant that unlike Griffin (you know, I'm still not sure if that is a first or last name), I wasn't going to have to move to a couch after a paranoid Amber Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is-Now takes my room with a lock because she's convince people are out to get her. Ironically, she was right as Matt was out to get her at five in the morning.

Ski Trip Factoid - Phil wasn't the only one to drunkenly climb into the loft the first night. When I got in that night, I saw Vic where Phil had been earlier and was concerned that Vic hadn't seen him and fallen asleep on top of Phil. Rather than wake Vic (who might be cranky when he wakes up and take it out on me), I climbed into the loft to see if Phil was there because it was the only place I figured he might be. I didn't actually see Phil, but I figured the lump was him, and the ladder was pulling away from the wall so I didn't check further.

Speaking of Matt, I don't know what the big deal was. So, he got drunk, fought with everyone, scared Amber into hiding, broke Phil's camera and a wall, got his face markered, passed out anywhere and everywhere and kicked my nose when he and Vic tumbled over the couch. It happens to all of us at some point or another. It wasn't like he peed off the balcony (I don't think) or tried to drive the forkift next door (it wouldn't start). I was happy Vic was on the trip because I knew there he was a Louisville fan which was welcome in a house full of bluebellies. I didn't realize he would become the designated bouncer. When I heard screams of “Vic, Vic, Vic”, I had flashbacks to “Steve, Steve, Steve” from Springer’s show. Maybe we need to get a “Security” shirt for him next year. Actually, Matt was easy to handle. When he rubbed his (thankfully clothed) ass on me, I just pushed my chair back, yanked on his shirt and watched him fall on his ass. Drunk people have poor balance. Which is why people think I’m perpetually drunk when in fact, I’m just clumsy. But Matt’s behavior did show me the true meaning of a loving marriage when Kara cleaned the marker off his face while he was passed out. Either that or she was trying to protect herself from being viewed as the woman married to the guy with the stuff written on his face.

Ski Trip Factoid – I was glad that Phil posted pictures from the previous ski trips because I have to see the group shot of ski trip IV to believe that Kevin Belcher was actually there.

Once again, there was a video. Usually, this is Phil’s pride and joy, but this year he wanted people wasted before it was shown. It was a bit shorter which Phil seemed to blame me for. Among other things. The video did include two mentions of me. I was fine with being compared to future robots that are beer swilling smart-asses even though I can out-drink and out-smart-ass any robot made. Now, being compared to Ben’s anus was a little hard to take. And Phil wonders why I don’t trust him on videos.

I don’t know why people went to bed so early. Sure, late nights of drinking could lead to someone letting others messing with their hair, but it also means that you miss when people mess with Marc’s hair. I blame the hair gel incident on Neighbor Dave because I was taking “truth” every time in Truth or Dare, but he said I should take “dare” which led to a bunch of crap in my hair. But I survived. Besides, sleep is easy to catch up on. I averaged about fours a night, and I was fine except for a heart palpitations I would have as I finally went to sleep. I even went into work for a half day (1 hour of actual work and dozing off the other three) on Monday. I used to think my ability to stay awake was due to the massive amounts of coffee I drink. The lack of coffee on Sunday pretty much shot that theory down.

Ski Trip Factoid – I don’t think Dave Schanding still believes Tubby Smith is the “Best Black Coach In America”.

Well, I wasn’t too perturbed to see Gatlinburg Idol and the Pool Tournament go by the wayside. I can’t sing (at least not well) so karaoke is not something I should engage in. After the broken pool cue incident of last year, I probably should stay away from pool tables. At least the Newlywed Game hung around another year. Granted, I’m a spectator because I wouldn’t go along with Phil’s silly notion of everyone being a contestant. I certainly wasn’t going to pair up with Brett, especially when so many answers involved private parts being in odd or not so odd places. Still, I wasn’t near as uncomfortable by that request as I was the first two days when Phil kept demanding I take my shirt off. What is he, a retired basketball player from England?

Now, there were some games that gained popularity this year. Darts seemed to pass pool, and cornole no longer meant a sex act illegal in Muslim countries. Then there was Guitar Hero which will probably be the ruin of relationships everywhere. I’m not ashamed to admit that I wasn’t very good at it. It called for two handed coordination which is apparently not my forte. Then there was that game (I’m still not sure if it was Password or Catchphrase) that drove me friggin’ nuts. When the word is “Picasso” and my clues are “Pablo” and “painter”, how in the Hell does someone come up with Escobar?

Yes, fun for the whole family.

The Super Bowl: A Retrospective

I thought it might take me longer to get around to a Super Bowl recap, but snow has intervened. My wussy bowling league postponed tonight’s games before it even started snowing. So, after a meal of frozen waffles and Vienna sausages (I haven’t shopped for groceries in two weeks, was too tired after coming back from Gatlinburg and I figured the panic prone populace of Lexington would be looting the stores of food at the first mention of snow today), I’m sitting down to recap the Super Bowl which with the extra time and some help from my good friend Evan Williams could be a really long one. I'm beginning to think that Super Bowl Sunday is now my favorite holiday which means Phil and I have the same favorite holiday since it falls on ski trip weekend. Are you happy that I incorporated a ski trip reference? Actually, it was another fun year (in spite of having to walk down the street to my bed which goes against my anti-exercise philosophy), and I want to think Phil for again setting it up. And I also want to think Megan H. for staying awake on the ride back (unlike Phil and Brett last year) which helped keep me awake so that I didn't run off the road killing us both. Too bad Jennifer Miller missed the trip or I might have said something nice about her. But I digress. Really this is more random thoughts about the pregame, commercials, game, whatever than a full recap.

Looking back at the Super Bowl, I still can’t get over the colossal ineptitude shown by one of the main participants. For the love of God, this is the Super Bowl and some moron is turning it into amateur hour. This is when the professionalism of the NFL should be on display, but instead we get a staggeringly atrocious performance of a bumbling fool. Who the Hell decided Phil Simms should be the color analyst at the Super Bowl? How does someone declare before the game that the wet ball won’t affect anything then blame every mistake (possibly including all the ones his son Chris made whenever Texas lost to Oklahoma) on the wet ball?

The irony with the Phil Simms pregame comments is that Steve Young said the exact opposite (you know, that a wet ball is harder to handle) on the ESPN countdown show (which aired about 10 hours before the Super Bowl). It’s pretty much par for the course since despite having Michael Irvin, ESPN has always had better pregame than CBS. The only relevant info that came out of CBS’ pregame was that Stevie Nicks has aged badly. In fact, the only worthwhile part of the whole pregame show was the poignant segment about the early deaths of Bear running backs Brian Piccolo and Walter Payton and the lasting impact they had in Chicago. Since the original Brian’s Song is one of my favorite movies, and Payton was my all time favorite NFL player, I simply can’t make a smart ass remark about that segment. In fact, it was too bad that I was the only one in the room watching it (you jerk-ass drunks). Or maybe it was better that way since something, probably the dust in the cabin, was making me misty eyed. Or maybe it was caused by Melissa smoking two cigarettes at once.

Then as if to prove that CBS can botch a human interest story, they trotted out Katie Couric to show why CBS Evening News is in the ratings toilet. In an effort to promote that worthless wench, they let her do a piece on Hines Ward’s trip back to Korea. Of course the trip was almost a year ago and every NFL show throughout the season reported on it. Outside the humor of them using subtitles when Ward’s mother was speaking English (shouldn’t they do the same for Shannon Sharpe or maybe just let him stamp his foot?), it was a pretty piss poor segment. If that’s the kind of poorly done schmaltz that Couric is doing for CBS News, I don’t see them getting out of the gutter anytime soon. I’m sure Dan Rather could have come up with some photocopied documents to prove that Ward is related to Kim Jong-il to make it more interesting. At least I wandered off during Cirque Du Soleil because I’m sure I’m the only football fan who doesn’t care about crap like that.

Billy Joel did a nice job with the national anthem. I have always preferred the traditional singing of the national anthem rather than someone "making it his/her own" or else forgetting the words. It probably means they kept Joel away the pregame open bar.

Random thought completely out of left field - Whose version of Amanda is better: Waylon Jennings or Don Williams? Waylon is top 5 as far as my favorite singers. Williams isn't that far behind. Yet, even then, I think the nature of the song almost calls for the more subdued vocals of Williams over Waylon.

Oh, and there was also a game being played which I must say was the most poorly played Super Bowl I’ve ever seen. I’ve seen a lot of games played in the rain that didn’t include this much bumbling around. I think the grass was the leading tackler for both teams, and players treated the ball like it had herpes. Four turnovers in one quarter. Back-to-back fumbles. Twice. Hey, we’re all professionals here. Let’s put it this way, the Colts won, and while doing so, they had three turnovers, missed a short field goal, botched an extra point, false started about three times, blew a challenge because somebody counted 12 players instead of 11 and let a kick returner tip toe through them for 95 yards and a touchdown. Ironically enough, this was the Colts’ first Super Bowl win since 1971 which was called the "Blooper Bowl" because of how many turnovers and penalties and screwups occurred. I guess the long term Super Bowl tradition for the Colts is to hope the opposing team makes two more mistakes than you do. Also ironic is this crappy game was the second most watched Super Bowl ever.

Should I consider Dan Marino a product placement when he works for the network carrying the Super Bowl and the designated coin flipper? Obviously Adam Vinatieri should have watched the CBS pregame show when Marino said it hit heads every time he tossed it in practice. Vinatieri called tails and later missed a field goal. Coincidence? Probably.

There are certain commercials that should not be on a Super Bowl broadcast. The salesgenie.com (no, I will not link that crap) commercial shouldn’t even be aired during a public access high school football broadcast. I was all set to go out and buy Doritos after the funny car crash Doritos commercial, but immediately changed my mind after the ugly people having sex at the supermarket one. On a side note, I think I speak for everyone when I lament the lack of that John Mellencamp song in a commercial. I haven’t had a good ear bleed in a while.

CBS also did a great job with the audio. Normally, I don’t really pay attention to player interviews, but I do think if a network is going to waste time showing them, at least make sure the sound works. Of course, I was beginning to think they only had three cameras in the whole stadium considering how long they stayed with one that had rain all over it, so audio and video were a problem. Maybe next year the CW channel can get the game.

Peyton Manning won the Super Bowl MVP which isn’t surprising since most of the sportswriters were probably wearing a Manning jersey under their barbecue stained, ill fitting polo shirts. However, a lot of people (including the NFL) thought Dominic Rhodes was going to get it which was foolish on their part to think that on field performance should trump the better storyline. I realize I’m biased because I think Manning is an ass, but I really don’t believe he did anything to merit the MVP. Reason #1 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: He accounted for two of the Colts’ three turnovers with an interception and botched handoff to Joseph Addai.

While there were a lot of people giving Rex Grossman the credit for such an awful display of football, I prefer to start higher up the food chain. What the Hell was Chicago thinking with their game plan? Or execution? Or time management? Or decision making? Coach Lovie Smith joined Tony Dungy in burning a timeout with a challenge that was unlikely to be overturned (showing he did learn something from coaching under Dungy). I’m not real sure how smart it is to blow a timeout because the play was a "backbreaker". Sure, it worked for the Chargers earlier in the playoffs when they didn’t have an extra time out for Marty Schottenheimer to make a decision. A missed field goal is probably less embarrassing than whatever Marty would have called, but most teams find having timeouts late in a game to be a good thing.

Reason #2 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: When Cedric Benson fumbled, Rex Grossman dove into the play trying to recover it. When pansy ass Manning fumbled the handoff to Addai, he tiptoed away like a little fairy so he didn’t have to make a play for it.

The Bears certainly ran a stellar offensive game plan. That running game thing sure didn’t work as Thomas Jones only averaged 7.5 yards per carry, so let’s scrap it and throw deep. Everyone knows long passes by an error prone quarterback are the best option in a downpour. At least everyone on Chicago’s coaching staff. Most of the rest of us thought short passes and runs were a better idea. Really, what’s the worst that can happen, Grossman drops back, falls down and turns 2nd and 1 into 3rd and 13? At least the Bears figured it out late when they tried to run a hurry up offense with no timeouts. Nothing like draw plays and short passes in the middle of the field when you’re down 12 points and only have a couple of minutes left. They also had about as much pizzazz as a wake. No reason to run a trick play (or, Hell, even a screen pass) when your offense can’t move the ball. On a side note, does the fact that I capitalize Hell mean I'm more religious than I thought?

Between the two guys eating the Snickers from both ends and the guys washing a Chevy HHR means this Super Bowl had the gayest commercials ever. Editor’s note: on the drive down, Megan and I were behind an HHR and neither of us could figure out what one was. Sadly, I had to find out by watching a commercial with guys in their underwear washing one.

Reason # 3 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: I think they should have gone with what happened after the Colts won Super Bowl V when they gave it to Chuck Howley on the losing Dallas team. That game was so poor, they gave it to the player with the most impact regardless whether his team won. I think a Chicago player had the most impact (in all seriousness, I don’t mean Rex Grossman). After Devin Hester’s touchdown return to start the game, the Colts completely changed their kickoff philosophy to the point they were willing to let the Bears start around the 40 yard line than take a chance of Hester running one back. I’ve never seen a player have that much of an impact when he’s only going to be handling the ball a few times (those on the ski trip might remember I said to put him in at quarterback and have him run from the shotgun). Did Dungy think he was going to run 6 kicks back?

The defensive gameplan for the Bears was just as spectacular. All week, every analyst (including former coaches and players) said that Peyton Manning would do well against the Cover 2 defense because he can throw underneath. I realize the Bears run the Cover 2 defense which is putting safeties way down field to take away the big play (you know, so Reggie Wayne isn’t 30 yards behind every defender), but they don’t run it all the time. They had two weeks to prepare. Why not come up with something new? Actually, they did. It was the Cover 2 on steroids. It was almost like they were running the prevent defense (which ironically struggles to prevent anything). Let’s put the safeties way back, the linebackers way back and the corners, well you get the picture. That means five offensive linemen are blocking four defensive lineman with virtually nothing behind them. You only have to go 10 yards, so any play that gets past the line of scrimmage is halfway there, and not that hard to do when they aren’t stunting or blitzing. It’s actually pretty easy to go on long time consuming drives that way. But, it does take away the long pass (unless no one guards Reggie Wayne) which is the staple of every team in a downpour. Well, every team from Chicago. Chicago’s defensive coordinator actually said they didn’t expect the Colts to pull back their offense. The fact that they ran the ball more in the playoffs than the regular season is no reason for the Bears to think they keep doing that when it was raining. And when the Colts did, the Bears made no adjustment. Is Dallas really considering Ron Rivera for their head coaching job after that little admission?

Reason #4 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: He threw for 247 yards on 38 completions with a touchdown and pick. Whoo-hoo. A lot of players (maybe not Grossman) can throw for 247 yards against a prevent defense. Outside of the Wayne touchdown on a blown coverage, I can’t think of any memorable pass that Manning completed because most were dumpoffs right over the middle where no one was due to an inept gameplan. Addai had 10 catches (Wayne & Harrison combined for 7). Picking apart a defense isn’t hard when you’re throwing 6 yard outs and the defense is 15 yards back.

However, what happened when the Bears couldn’t play Cover 2? The Colts marched right down the field constantly, but they only managed two offensive touchdowns, and one was a screwup. The four other times they settled for field goal attempts. I have this bizarre theory that the short field meant that the linebackers and defensive backs weren’t way back so there wasn’t a half mile of empty space for the Colts to play in. Maybe if the Bears had tightened things up, the Colts wouldn’t have been marching up and down the field. Maybe the Bears’ defense doesn’t wear down. Maybe they get more offensive opportunities. Scratch that. Maybe Hester gets a chance to run back a couple of punts.

Reason #5 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: 1 for 6. That was the Colts’ red zone efficiency. That’s how many times they scored a touchdown in the red zone. Once the Bears linebackers couldn’t stand 12 yards off the line or scrimmage, Manning struggled to move them.

And with all the celebrities in commercials, who thought Robert Goulet would have the best one.

Random thought completely out of left field - I think I just heard the song Violent Femmes song Blister In The Sun playing as background music for a Burger King commercial. Now, I realize that it's probably an urban legend that the song is about the "sin of Onan", but should a company like Burger King (Sanskrit for lousy food) use a song that a lot of people associate that way?

Let’s see, Tony Dungy’s such a boob that he apparently forgot that kicking it out of bounds would put it at the 35 instead of giving the ball over at the 40. He wasted a timeout and challenge because he couldn’t count. Yet, Lovie Smith was completely outcoached by him. I already pointed out the flaws in the gameplans, but the worst part is he changed what was working (running the ball) but not what was failing (Cover 2 defense). I still can’t believe they didn’t seem to factor in the rain at all. Making the Super Bowl was going to skyrocket the price of his contract extension, but this performance should bring that back to earth. I don’t want to give too much credit to Dungy although not kicking to Hester shows how to make an in-game adjustment. The Bears had no offense, and were giving up a ton of yards on defense. Yet, for all the talk of Colts’ domination, it was a five point game until Grossman’s fourth quarter interception.

I must also mention Prince's halftime performance when he didn't seem to actually get wet in a driving rain. Nice rocking performance. Reiterating a theme from the Orange Bowl, I don't know why they had to drag a marching band onto the field. People pay $125 to watch a Prince concert. Why do you bring in something that few people would actually pay to see? Still, it was an enjoyable 12 minutes. Some people bitch about the NFL now picking halftime shows that aren't newer acts, but that's pretty silly. The Super Bowl doesn't need a hot pop act to draw viewers. In fact, anyone who only watches for the halftime show isn't going to pay attention to the rest. I remember when Ashlee "Coattail" Simpson was booed while singing halftime at the Orange Bowl. Gee, the stadium was three quarters full of Oklahoma fans who I'm sure were thrilled to see her. Of course, a lot of blame for the nostalgia acts goes back to the Janet Jackson halftime show a few years back. I'm not advocating censorship or anything like that, but some of us were highly offended by what happened then. There is no way that Justin Timberlake should be singing in public.

Reason #6 Manning didn’t deserve the MVP: Rhodes deserved it. Granted, he was also helped by running against a prevent defense (you can average five yards a carry when the second line of defenders are eight yards away when you get to the line of scrimmage). Still, he had the same number of touchdowns (without needing a badly blown coverage) as Manning, ran for 113 yards and put away the game in the second half. No way in Hell should Manning have gotten the award over Rhodes, but too bad the voters for it are a bunch reporters who can't get enough sniffing of Peyton's jock.

Crap, this is long, and I didn't use any of the pictures I copied from Phil's camera. Apparently I can stil type 60 words a minute.

Super Bowl Prediction

Now, I've heard some valid reasons why the Colts will win. I've heard some invalid ones too. Things like Peyton Manning is due to win one. He's a much better quarterback than Rex Grossman. One columnist pointed to Manning's record against the NFC being 8-1 over the past three years in "games that mattered". A guy at work told me the Colts will win because the AFC is better than the NFC. Another writer mentioned that #1 seeds (like Chicago) are 1-5 in the Super Bowl this decade, and he believes it's because they have an easier path to the Super Bowl which makes them complacent.

Peyton Manning is due is a completely invalid argument. No one is "due" to win a title. That's why Mark Rypien and Jeff Hostetler have started Super Bowl wins, but Dan Marino and Dan Fouts haven't. That would be like me saying Grossman played for Florida, and Manning couldn’t beat Florida, so that’s why the Colts will lose. It is a team game which is why Manning being better than Grossman may be a factor in who wins, but certainly not the deciding one. As for Manning's record against the NFC, there's a reason why the writer only picked the last three years. The previous three, Manning was 6-6 against the NFC. Besides, how many NFC teams has Manning beaten in the playoffs? Oh right, he hasn't played an NFC team in the playoffs. You have to get to the Super Bowl for that. As for the AFC being better than the NFC, that’s subjective since they only played four games against the opposing conferences, but even if correct (and I would say it probably is), it doesn’t matter. Chicago’s only playing the Colts, not the whole AFC.

The last one about the #1 seeds is almost laughable. To begin with, by decade, he apparently meant since 2000, not 1996 because going back to 1996 would have included three Super Bowls won by #1 seeds in four years. However, even sticking with the past six games, it’s still disingenuous. Last year’s Pittsburgh team was actually an exception. They were the 6 seed in the AFC and knocked off the #1 seeded Seahawks. Three of the other four #1 seeds to lose to a lower seed from the other conference actually had a worse record than the team they lost to. For example, Baltimore was a wildcard team in 2000 when they beat the NFC’s #1 seeded Giants, but Baltimore had a 13-3 regular season record to New York’s 12-4. The belief that playing a harder road to the Super Bowl gives you the edge is silly. In the past ten years, seven out of ten Super Bowl winners had first round byes. That’s advantage Bears since the Colts were a wildcard team. Of the three winners that didn’t have a bye, Baltimore and the ’97 Broncos were wildcards who still had the second best record in their conference (they were wildcards because the team with the best record was in their division), so once again, Pittsburgh is the exception as they won three road games in route to the Super Bowl. Of course, I’ve always felt a big factor in the Steelers going all way last year was they got hot at the end of the season (had to win four straight just to get into the playoffs). The Colts lost three of their last five.

Can the Colts win the Super Bowl? Sure. I think Grossman is a good quarterback with bad moments, but if the Colts get to Grossman and he has a bad moment, the Bears could get hammered. Or Manning could get hot. The Colts defense could have really turned it around. However, there is a fallacy that the game will be the high powered Colts’ offense versus the stout Chicago defense. Chicago actually scored the same number of points as the Colts. Now, I’m not going to say the Bears are in the same class offensively. They are ranked 15th in total offense to the Colts’ 3rd. However, the Bears excelled at scoring on defense and special teams with nine touchdowns to two for the Colts’. The Colts’ special team coverage during the season was atrocious, so it’s my guess that the Bears won’t have to go as far to score their points. Besides, Grossman has good games. He’s won 74% of his starts. Manning’s only won 63% of his. And Peyton has bad games, especially in the playoffs. Last week’s win over the Patriots was really the aberration. He had played well in early round games, but played poorly in big ones. Last year, Manning had a 90 passer rating against the Steelers, but they only scored 18 points. In his three previous playoff losses, his passer ratings were 69, 35.5 and 31.2 plus the Colts only scored 17 total points. Look at these playoffs, Manning may have won it against New England, but they won in spite of him at Baltimore and Kansas City. Even with the New England game, Manning has thrown six interceptions to two touchdowns in the playoffs this year. I really think the best bet for the Colts would be to go no huddle to keep the Bears from substituting on defense. Wear them down. They also need to protect him because if Manning starts taking hits, he gets jumpy in the pocket.

Now, one bright spot for the Colts has been the play of their defense in the playoffs, although they gave up 34 points to the Patriots. However, that’s where I think they will lose. Chicago is the superior team on defense and special teams. Chicago’s defense did struggle some at the end of the year, but it really only lasted two games. Then, in the NFC Championship game, they held the league’s number 1 offense to 14 points with only one other drive even having a shot at scoring. Even while struggling, their defense made the plays when it counted. It’s not a myth that defense wins championships. Good defense and special teams mean shorter fields for your offense. Plus, the biggest advantage in football is a forced turnover. You usually get good field position and your opponent’s defense starts out on their heels because they weren’t expecting to get back out there so soon. The Bears were the best at creating turnovers. The Colts weren’t close. Plus, I think the Colts have played better in the playoffs on defense, but I’m still not sold. I did a quick look at the past Super Bowl winners (since the 1970 merger) on the basis of Points Allowed and Total Defense which indicate how good your defense is (and it’s easy to look up). I found only a couple of teams that were outside the top 10 in either category, but the ’76 Raiders (12th in Points, 19th Total) were the only Super Bowl winner to have finished the regular season outside the top ten in both categories. Most teams were top ten in both. The Colts aren’t just outside the top ten in both. They are outside the top 20 in both (21st in Points, 23rd Total). The Colts’ defense did look good in the playoffs, but a bad defense can look good for a few weeks. I just don’t think a team that was as bad as the Colts’ defense was can turn it around permanently like that. If they can do it for one more game, they'll have a good chance of winning.

Of course, it could all come down to whether or not "Bad Rex" makes an appearance. Grossman hasn't played poorly in the playoffs. He's averaging a 75 passer rating which is almost 12 points higher than Manning. I think Chicago can establish the run to take pressure of Grossman, and that will open up the play action passing. While Chicago may not have receivers as good as the Colts, I remember Muhsin Muhammad blowing up for 140 yards and a touchdown when he was in the Super Bowl with Carolina. I think Grossman has been focused in the playoffs. He hasn't made mistakes, but he has made plays when needed. I'm saying Chicago by seven.

A Few Thoughts Leading Up To The Super Bowl

It would be easy to say that I'm picking the Bears over the Colts in the Super Bowl because I like the Bears and don't particularly care for the Colts. And it would probably be true. However, I have several reasons that I think Chicago wins which I’ll get into later. However, it appears for the second weekend in a row, I'm in the minority in picking the Bears. At least for the NFC Championship game, Chicago was favored, but the point spread over the Saints was eventually under three, and three is how many points are factored in for home field advantage. Most "pundits" went for the Saints, and the trend (and 7 point spread) seems to be going Colts. Of course, I thought a lot of support the Saints got was from sportswriters wishing they would win because the New Orleans rebuilding story was much better copy. And I think it's the same reason the Colts are being pushed.

To begin with, if I hear one more time that "everybody wants Peyton Manning to win a Super Bowl", I'm going to vomit. I would actually be fine if the favorite son of Tennessee Mountain Trash never wins a Super Bowl. Yet, sportswriters love the guy. Seth Wickersham writes a NFL blog on ESPN.com, and he said after Manning’s post-AFC Championship press conference, all the reporters were more concerned with congratulating Manning than asking questions. I’m not real sure if sports "journalists" should be so openly rooting for a player. I think one reason is they love sports legacies. Chris Simms is a mediocre quarterback, but his father is Phil Simms, so he gets favorable media coverage (he was hyped as an early first round pick in the draft, but he somehow fell to the end of the third). It's the same with Manning who is the son of Archie Manning who was well loved for losing as a pro quarterback. I actually saw him referred to as a legend. Yet somehow, he managed to play fifteen years without playing for a team that finished with a winning record. I guess that is legendary.

Then there is the Tony Dungy situation. I don't know if it's been mentioned anywhere in the press, but both coaches are black. So, apparently, we now have proof that a black man can coach a team to the Super Bowl, although I've seen a lot of bad white coaches make the Super Bowl, so I would assume a good black coach can do it. Of course, out of 12 playoff quarterbacks, Steve McNair was the only black one. Does that mean teams should try to start white quarterback? Maybe Bobby Petrino should bench black Michael Vick for white Matt Schaub. Actually, he should, but not for skin tone reasons. Anyway, I find sportswriters have obsessions with "social justice" or their perception of it, so it's been pretty clear they've been rooting for a black coach to win a Super Bowl so they write heart warming stories about the American Dream. And Tony Dungy was their beloved guy (find me an article focusing on Tony Dungy that does not include some variation of the word "class") early in the process. That's why I find it ironic that technically Lovie Smith was the first black coach to make the Super Bowl. He's only been on the scene for a few years, so I think after so many years of rooting for Dungy, the press will stick with him. If Dungy wasn’t coaching the Colts (and by definition Peyton Manning), I could certainly root for him since he did play for the Steelers. In fact, next year I will be rooting for a black coach to win the Super Bowl as long as it’s the one who coaches the Steelers now. As for what two black head coaches in the Super Bowl means now, not really that much. Just remember this little fact – very few coaches have made the Super Bowl period. From the 1970-79 seasons, nine coaches filled the 20 possible head coaching slots in the Super Bowl. Four coaches (Chuck Noll, Tom Landry, Bud Grant and Don Shula) filled 15 of them. I think a bigger event for black coaches was when ex-Philly coach Ray Rhodes got the Green Bay job. He proved that even lousy black coaches can get another job because of their "head coaching experience".

I knew this column was coming. Bill Simmons is once again crying about where the Super Bowl is being played. He’s happy now that the game is in Miami, because it’s a real city, not like Jacksonville. He whined incessantly on a blog two years ago about it. Every day was some other complaint about the Super Bowl being in Jacksonville. He honestly seems to believe that the Super Bowl should be held in places he wants to go. He made it worse by skipping the Super Bowl last year because it was being held in Detroit and he had already been to the last three. Which basically means he’s telling his readers (very few who have probably ever been to the Super Bowl) that he skipped the biggest sporting event in America (on someone else’s dime) because the party scene in Detroit is not up to his standards. I think we should all stand up and cheer for Bill Simmons having the guts to stand up to the NFL because they chose to let Detroit host the Super Bowl. What an ass.

Random Thoughts During AFC Championship

I had hoped it would snow here so I could break out my favorite cold weather drink that I discovered at the Liberty Bowl while I was in college (the weather was 20 degrees with freezing rain). Hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps. Then I realized I could drink it anyway.
That didn’t take long. The CBS pregame show just made a big deal about Lovie Smith being the first black coach to make the Super Bowl. Shannon Sharpe just said owners should remember that when hiring their next coach as if the determining factor is Smith’s blackness. Well, by the same token, I can point to the fact that two of the worst coaches this year, Denny Green and Art Shell, are also black. So, based on that, you should never hire a black coach.

Patriots running well early. Gonna need it because Tom Brady looks like crap.

Colts not running too well. Or catching.

Patriots are running the ball like intelligent people should. Don’t run right up the middle. The Colts have good pass rushers, but they aren’t squat against the run (I don’t care what Phil Simms says; he went to Morehead). Play action and outside runs seem to be doing the trick. Corey Dillon is 80 years old, and he just picked up 35 yards on fourth down.

Those lucky bastards. A piss poor handoff becomes a fumble which is recovered in the end zone by an offensive lineman. Was pretty funny watching a pile up on the two yard line and none of them see the ball in the end zone. Surprised playoff choke artist Tony Dungy didn’t do something stupid like waste a challenge on it.

Colts respond with a field goal. Whoo. They made a big deal on ESPN Countdown about the Colts signing Adam Vinatieri in the offseason. Discussed whether it helped the Colts or hurt the Patriots more. Kicking has never made a difference when these two teams have met in the playoffs. After all, the Colts have never been close enough where a field goal would make a difference.

Another big gain on fourth down for the Patriots. And a touchdown.

Phil Simms just said the Colts didn’t figure to be down 14-3 so early. That’s insightful.

Excuse me, make it 21-3 as Peyton Manning lived down to my expectations with an interception returned for a touchdown. I wonder if he got some pointers from Eli. Especially since he just got sacked twice and threw a Hail Mary pass.

Colts defense held. And they showed a crowd scene with two guys celebrating like they just won the game. Hey, the ball is in the worst possible place during the playoffs – Peyton Manning’s hands. Sure enough, happy feet on his first play.

Of course the Colts are moving the ball. Prevent defense again.

That’s a pretty funny commercial where Vinny Testaverde (third stringer) is in line at the concession stand buying food for the coach and he keeps getting calls with new orders.

Phil Simms is almost as dumb as the guys from the earlier game. The Colts were whining about a non pass interference call in the end zone where the referees ruled it was incidental tangling of the feet. Simms bought that line through five replays before he noticed that Reggie Wayne tripped over his own feet. Oh, and Peyton Manning and Tony Dungy went into the locker room still griping about the non-call as they go to the locker room. Get a grip. Your receiver is clumsy, and you are down 21-6 at the half. And your vaunted offense hasn’t scored a touchdown in six quarters.

And Shannon Sharpe says that Chicago winning was a good thing because now a black coach will be in the Super Bowl. Bigot.

Uh oh, the Colts are coming out hot. Went down the field and scored a quick touchdown. Now Brady is throwing the ball low. But he did that in the first half too.

That neutral zone call is crap. Richard Seymour jumped and someone on the Colts’ line jumps too. Except that someone wasn’t across from him. He was on the other side of the line. How do you claim to have been drawn offsides when he’s 15 feet away from you? Man, the Colts’ president must have gotten through to someone with his incessant whining as they call Ellis Hobbs for pass interference. I don’t care if the defensive back never turns around. He should never be called for pass interference if he never touches the receiver and the ball simply hits him in the back. Why should a quarterback get bailed out for making a bad pass? Face guarding? What kind of stupid rule is that?

Way to celebrate tying the game. Give up an 80 yard kickoff return. Then let them throw a touchdown pass at the back of the end zone. Ruled a pushout, and Tony Dungy is challenging it. Not the pushout, because a pushout ruling can’t be challenged. He’s challenging whether or not the receiver had control all the way through. The announcers are also wondering if he was out of bounds before jumping for the ball (he wasn’t). Simms is really showing his genius by saying sometimes you have to challenge just guessing you’re right. Sure. What’s the worst that can happen? You lose a timeout that you really wish you still had late in a close game? What are the odds of that?

Not much defense being played in this one. If I was the Bears, I would start feeling pretty good about my chances in two weeks.

Another recovered for a touchdown by an offensive lineman. These guys can’t hang on to crap, and they are playing in a dome.

I can’t figure out why the Colts are using Maroney so much. He keeps standing around and dancing in place instead of just running the ball. Dillon was doing better in the first half.

These guys are falling down more than the ones in Chicago. They are in a dome not on a cold, wet field. The worst part is that it’s the Colts who are falling and they’re the home team.

Those Geico caveman commercials suck.
Speaking of sucks, Reche Caldwell was out wide with exactly nobody covering him. Yet, he didn’t run into the end zone. He stood around about five yards downfield then dropped the pass.

Another good return by Hobbs for the Patriots, but the commentators keep saying how tired the Patriots’ defense is, so why are they using a starting cornerback to return kicks?

Under three minutes left and the Colts go three and out. Manning first pass was at Clark’s feet. His second missed Aaron Moorehead by 20 yards. His third was broken up before it got to Moorehead by Ray Mickens who I wasn’t aware was still alive, let alone still playing. Let’s see, two highly paid receivers in Harrison and Wayne and you go to Moorehead in crunch time?

Nice pass by Brady to a covered receiver who he then bitches at for not going to the outside. If he was out of place, why did you throw to him?

Smart move by the Colts to run it in. I remember last year when the Colts were in (long) field goal range, but Manning almost threw two straight interceptions rather than play it safe. Of course, if he played it safe, they could have picked up a few yards to make the tying field goal closer.

Brady throws a pick on an atrocious pass. Being clutch isn't so easy when the defensive back refuses to fumble the ball for you. Actually, I made the point on the fantasy football reports (I think it was last year) that Brady had made his reputation for clutch play by driving into field goal range. I don't remember him ever having to drive for a last minute touchdown. This may have been his first opportunity, and he failed. I guess they'll be taking his statue from Mt. Olympus.

Well, it wasn't a particularly well played game, but certainly entertaining. Maybe they'd seen each other so much that they knew each other's moves. However, the team that played the best game this weekend was Chicago, so the AFC winning the Super Bowl no longer seems a given. Hey, Shannon Sharpe just touched himself in his private parts at the thought of two black coaches in the Super Bowl. God, he won't know who to root for.

Random Thoughts During NFC Championship

Four drives in, and I’m not sure if it’s inept offenses or good defenses. Lots of punts. Looks cold.

Brees fumbled and 11 Bears seem to be around it, and New Orleans recovers. Hey, dummies, ever heard of falling on the ball.

Saints fumble. Good field position. Game over. Oh wait, it’s a field goal. Game on.

Another Saints fumble. Maybe. Ball was moving, but is trapping it against the body regaining possession? Need to clarify that rule in the offseason. Another field goal.

Another field goal. Hey, a touchdown. That’s one way to keep Grossman from screwing up. Run on every play. Bears up 16-0. Bet they go for a prevent defense because it worked so well at the end of the half by San Diego last week.

Damn, I’m psychic. Or NFL coaches are predictable. Touchdown New Orleans.

Wasn’t that cute the way Reggie Bush taunted the Bears after his 88 yard touchdown catch? Not sure that’s such a good idea especially since he was sprung by a blatantly illegal pick, no matter what the dumbasses in the booth thought (they also thought college basketball timeout rules applied earlier). Especially since some of those Bears defenders are a bit surly.

Why did it take so long to call intentional grounding in the end zone? He was in the tackle box, the ball didn’t make it back to the line of scrimmage and nobody was even close. Flag should have been automatic.

Wow, that was a great touchdown catch by Bernard Berrian. On Grossman’s worst pass of the drive. Nice to see Grossman respond with a quick drive down the field.

Those chumps in the booth suck. The ball was almost snapped before they figured out Ogunleye (I think that’s Latvian) had stripped the ball and was down by contact (three guys were touching him in a non-sexual way, well, maybe not Jeff Faine since he played at Notre Dame).

Ooh, they just showed personal Chicago deep dish pizzas. Good stuff there. Another Chicago touchdown for a little breathing room.

Bears defense was reeling a bit, but starting to pick it up. Interception and three and out. And Chicago scores again to go up 25 with under 5 minutes left. Game over.

Let’s see. Since Bush taunted the Bears, the Saints have been outscored 23-0 and only crossed midfield once. That was a good idea.

Well, now it’s official. Guess what? Lovie Smith will be the first black head coach to make the Super Bowl. I’m sure we won’t hear any more of that the next two weeks. Now, if Tony Dungy joins him, that’s all we’ll hear about. Apparently this is important.

Interesting game. The veteran Pro Bowl quarterback (that would be Brees) had two turnovers and made some bad decisions. The much maligned quarterback (that would be Rex Grossman) threw some bad passes, but he didn’t screw up in a way to hurt his team. And he made plays when he needed to. In fact, the whole Bears team found a way to win, just like I said they would. And just like all eight ESPN.com experts said they wouldn’t.

Conference Championships

Got to love the conference championships. Mainly because they usually aren't that close, but we still pretend the loser was the second best team. I’m picking the teams that I want to win. The NFC is easy. While I’m a Steelers fan, I’ve always liked the Bears because they had my favorite player (Walter Payton) and coach (Mike Ditka) of all time. Plus, the trainwreck potential of Rex Grossman should get at least another chance to run off the tracks. The AFC is a bit harder, because I don’t like either team and will end up rooting for the NFC winner no matter what. But since they both can’t lose, I guess I’m rooting for the Patriots. A lot of people apparently are rooting for Peyton Manning to make the Super Bowl because he seems like a nice guy. He isn’t. He also played at Tennessee and I hate Tennessee. Plus, if he keeps losing, maybe those smarmy commercials he does every 10 seconds will go away. So, I do get a perverse pleasure in seeing him fail miserably every year. My worst fear is a Colts/Saints Super Bowl because the Saints in the Super Bowl alone would lead to overkill on the hurricane recovery human interest stories, but the Colts would add the Manning family who are from New Orleans. The only good that could come from it would be if favorite son Peyton Manning killed the New Orleans feel good story. Would they hate him for that in the bayou?

Now, why do I think the Patriots will win? A lot of people think this is the year that the Colts (and Peyton) break through and make the Super Bowl. I’m not really sure why. The Patriots do have problems. The Colts beat them the last two times they met. The Pats needed every break to win at San Diego last week. Their top playoff receiver didn’t join the team until October. The new definition for “clutch” when talking about Tom Brady is hoping his latest interception is fumbled. Still, what do the Colts have going for them? This team isn’t as good as past teams that flopped in the playoffs. Their two wins over the Pats in recent years were regular season, not the playoffs. I’m not just waiting for the Colts to prove they can beat New England in the playoffs. I’m waiting for them to show they can stay close to the Patriots in the playoffs. The Pats may have needed breaks to be the Chargers, but they still did it and the Chargers are better than the Colts. Even with seemingly unproven receivers, the Patriots have been more efficient offensively. Brady may be showing cracks in his “clutch” playoff performances, but Peyton Manning has never stepped up big when it counts.

However, the main difference is coaching. Tony Dungy has won two playoff games this year, but he had an advantage of facing mental midgets. I don’t like Bill Belichick. I think he’s a dick. I didn’t need LaDanian Tomlinson to tell me Belichick has no class. Going back to the Bernie Kosar situation in Cleveland, screaming obscenities at Pittsburgh trainers, breaking up marriages, and making an ass of himself earlier in the season when he treated a former assistant like crap. Still, you can't argue with success. He doesn't shrink in the playoffs, so until the Colts can prove me wrong, no way do I take them over the Patriots.

Now, as to why I think the Bears will win; I have start with the fact that I’m biased. I am swimming against the current on this one. All eight “experts” for ESPN.com picked the Saints to win this weekend. Probably because they want the Saints to win which is the “great story” of how the Saints improbable run inspired a city to rise above the crime, filth and corruption that has become New Orleans. Actually, that pretty much describes pre-hurricane New Orleans too. I’ve often (well, not that often) wondered why no one was rooting for the University of Southern Mississippi to at least win Conference USA in football. The Mississippi coast got hammered by Katrina, but nobody gives a crap about them. But I digress. The main reason that I’m picking against the Saints is because everyone else is picking them. When the bandwagon gets that crowded, you have to take a step back.

Now, why else is everyone picking against the Bears. You’ve got the Good Rex/Bad Rex factor. Their defense hasn’t been that good since Mike Brown and Tommie Harris went down with injuries. Even with Decent Rex showing up last week, they struggled to knock off Seattle. Big deal. Seattle was a Super Bowl team that knew what to do in the playoffs. The Bears hadn’t won a playoff game since I was in college, so they just wanted to get over the hump which they did. Say what you will about the Bears, but they’ve overcome every bad game they’ve played to get the best record in the conference. Besides, it’s not like the Saints looked that great against Philadelphia last week. Now they get to go from New Orleans to Chicago in January. Good luck with the snow.

Divisional Playoff Recap

I've come to the conclusion why Bill Belichick has been so successful in the playoffs. The AFC is full of coaches who somehow haven't figured playing not to lose isn't going to get you a win in the playoffs. The only reason Tony Dungy is in the AFC Championship game is because Bill Belichick and Eric Mangini are the only non-retards coaching AFC team in the playoffs this year, and Dungy got to face two of them.

Colts over Ravens
I freely admit my mistake on this one. I neglected the Brian Billick factor. He's a coach who was hired as an "offensive genius", but has always won at Baltimore with defense compensating for piss poor offenses. I should have known I was in trouble when they said Billick thought he could game plan against the Colts' defense. Any time Billick "coaches", they lose. The year he won the 2000 Super Bowl, it was with Trent Dilfer who he apparently couldn't coach because he never wanted to play him. He dumped him after the season for the incomparable Elvis Grbac and has won exactly one playoff game since. Game plan should have been to let the offense run like normal (protect the ball and be efficient) and assume that Peyton Manning will screw up. Well, Manning screwed up his second game in a row as the Colts scored zero touchdowns, and he finished with a 39.6 passer rating and two interceptions (should have been five). Yet, it didn't matter because with two weeks to work with moderately efficient quarterback Steve McNair, Billick turned him into crapjob Kyle Boller. His favorite play became don't move, focus on one receiver and throw the ball behind him.

Saints over Eagles
Can't call this one a mistake. It was a three point game which could have gone either way. While Deuce McAllister had a huge game, I'm sure if I go look at the recaps, Reggie Bush will have a better writeup without having the better game. Philadelphia coach came in with a good game plan, but I think he made a mistake near the end. The Eagles were facing 4th and 10 from their 44 with less than 2 minutes left. The plan was to go for it, but they had a false start to make it 4th and 15, so they punted. I say go for it. If you make it, your in their territory. Now, the Eagles had three timeouts left, but if New Orleans gets a first down, they can run out the clock. Based on McAllister's running all day, that seemed a good possibility (and what happened). Even if you hold them and they punt, you've lost time and are back where you started. Actually, at the 39, if you turned the ball over on downs, then stop them, more than likely their punt goes into the endzone, so all you are saving is 19 yards. The only other item of note from this game is that some chick was wearing a shirt with a dirty expression on it which I found on another website (which cleaned it up slightly and conveniently didn't copyright it). Apparently, said shirt made it into the Fox broadcast.

Bears over Seahawks
It was certainly nice to see Shaun Alexander playing well. Of course, based on his track record, he was probably thinking about that extra game check. Good news for Chicago was "Bad Rex" didn't show up. He did lose a fumble that was costly, but his interception was a bobble by the receiver and Chicago got it right back. He also had a great pass for a 68 yard touchdown, but drifted off in the second half. At least until overtime when he threw a 30 yard strike to get them near field goal range. Bad news for Chicago is there defense continued a trend of not playing too well. They've won games when Rex Grossman self destructed, but there's got to be a concern that they needed an overtime field goal to win a game where Grossman played well. Actually, he played better than Peyton Manning or Tom Brady. Of course, Steve McNair was the only quarterback to play worse than Manning.

Patriots over Chargers
What friggin' joke. Marty Schottenheimer should have been fired the moment he walked off the field. The Chargers had the Patriots on the ropes and went to Martyball instead of going for the jugular. Guess what happens when you let your opponent hang around? Their good plays become magnified, and so does your own stupidity. The Chargers already had a lot to overcome. Eric Parker's complete inability to hang onto a ball. Dropped passes galore. The third quarter had the obligatory bad call that New England seems to get in their favor every year. After a great defensive play, one of the Chargers got into the face of a Patriot, gets a two handed shove and somehow the Charger was called for unnecessary roughness. Now, Troy "Too Many Concussions" Aikman said he was trying to head butt the Patriot, but "trying" is the operative word because I didn't see any contact nor would it even matter. As long as the Patriot retaliates, he is flagged also. Therefore it should have been offsetting penalties. Not that I expected Aikman or Joe Schmuck to mention that because they are among the cadre of announcers who would pay money to crawl into Bill Belichick's jock. Still, even with those problems, the Chargers should have been in good shape. They weren't. Marty just needed time to get into playoff mode which came in the second half. Going to Martyball would have been bad enough, but I think a chimp could have done better clock management. It was bad luck when Marlon McCree fumbled after a fourth quarter interception (hey, a UK player fumbling a possible game clinching interception, how often does that happen) to give New England a first down, but it was coaching incompetence to waste a timeout on a challenge when it was obvious it was a fumble. On their next series, they had to burn another one when they couldn't get the play in. It's late in a close game, maybe those timeouts would be useful. Like when you're trying to drive for a tying field goal with 70 seconds left and you end up attempting one from 54 yards because time is almost out. Yeah, what could two more plays have done for them? Other than maybe get closer.

Hypocrisy In Sports

Steroids in baseball recently popped up again. I first saw a couple of pundits wondering why baseball is ripped by the sporting press for steroids, but NFL players like Shawne Merriman can be voted into the Pro Bowl the same year he was suspended for testing positive for 'roids. The easy answer for one is that the NFL has pretty much legitimized antisocial behavior just as part of the play. A grain of truth to that since doing off the field what they do on it will lead to criminal charges. Plus, why worry about the long term effects of steroids when the long term effects of constant football collisions are probably more damaging. Actually, I've always felt the main reason is baseball writers are a bunch of sanctimonious, pompous asses. They've bought into the Field of Dreams myth that baseball is somehow pure goodness which is surprisingly stupid because Field of Dreams dealt with the real life issue of baseball players taking bribes to throw the World Series. Baseball writers simply did not want to admit that their sport was being sullied by steroids during the home run fueled resurgence in the 90s, and when it became very apparent it was, they felt duped and now there is a backlash from them.

Think of it this way. We knew in the 80s that steroids had run rampant in the NFL during the 70s, and that's why the NFL instituted a ban on them. Baseball was convinced they didn't need one even though suddenly cartoonishly-large baseball players were destroying home run records. Baseball writers just wanted their sport to be relevant again, so it was ignored until Barry Bonds came along and looked like he had eaten another person. Then it was impossible to ignore, and guys like Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa went from the heroes who saved baseball to scumbags who dirtied the sport. It most recently manifested itself when McGwire failed miserably in Hall of Fame voting when the common perception during his career was that he was a lock.

So, is it fair to McGwire? Of course not. I've said before that I think steroids should be banned in sports even if players are willing to accept the health risks associated with them. Technically, Tommy John surgery is science enhancing someone's performance, but I don't think players who don't want to take steroid risks should be disadvantaged by making them legal. As for Hall of Fame voting, a couple of baseball voters have said they aren't going to vote for anyone from the "Steroid Era", but that's pretty stupid. To begin with, we can suspect that McGwire was using, but we don't know, and he retired before steroids were banned by baseball in 2002. Besides, it was the "Steroid Era". That means a lot of guys (including pitchers) were probably juiced, so how do you randomly decide who was helped by it? As I said, the NFL was awash in steroids in the 70s, but no one is saying their Hall of Famers from that era should be drummed out.

However, the sheer hypocrisy is the treatment of Dale Murphy. As Jayson Stark made abundantly clear, baseball voters are stupid. I can see how someone can convince you that a player you didn't vote for before may now deserve your vote, but why do so many players begin losing votes each year? If you think they were deserving once, why not anymore? Murphy's vote percentage has dropped each year until he's getting less than 10% which is mind-boggling to me. This guy won two MVP awards and was one of, if not the best player of the 1980s. How can he possibly be getting so little support for the Hall of Fame? In another column, Stark attributes it to the fact that his numbers looked great in the 80s, but no so good compared to more recent players. Excuse me, so McGwire can't get in because his numbers are believed to be inflated by steroids. Yet, Murphy can't get in because his non-steroid enhanced numbers aren't as good as what juiced players were putting up. Does that make sense to anyone?

NFL Playoffs - Divisional Games

Actually, predicting the second round of the NFL playoffs is pretty easy. Home team wins 80% of the time. However, I could make an argument for every visiting team. I still don't trust Baltimore. Philly is rolling into New Orleans as the hottest team in the league. San Diego has a rookie quarterback and Marty Schottenheimer who doesn't lose the "Big One" because he always loses before he gets there. Oh, and you never know whether Rex Grossman is paying attention in Chicago.

AFC
Indianapolis at Baltimore
I’ve said before that I don’t trust Baltimore, but I trust Peyton Manning in the playoffs even less. And of course, I get to be nauseated by all the stories about how horrible it was that the Colts’ left town in the dead of night stealing the pro franchise from Baltimore. I moved outside Baltimore my senior year of high school and spent summers during college there, and those people were still whining years later. Let me put my feelings in a nutshell. The Baltimore Colts weren’t’ drawing fans that last year, the team left at night because the state was looking into seizing the team through eminent domain and you can’t whine about how unfair it is that your team left because you stopped going to games then turn around and take Cleveland’s team that regularly filled the stadium and only moved because of the financial incompetence of the owner. I don’t like the Colts, but after all that crap, I don’t like the Ravens either. I wish they could both lose. However, as far as picks go, I’m taking the Ravens. One, I think the stout Colts’ of last week was an aberration brought about by poor Chief’s coaching. Steve McNair is past his prime, but stack the line on him and he’ll have a field day. Two, I will never trust Tony Dungy and Peyton Manning in a playoff game. Three, while the matchup is being billed as the tough Baltimore defense against the high powered Colts’ offense, I’ve been seeing some cracks in that Colts’ offense to end the season. They struggled last week against a mediocre Kansas City defense that was on the field a lot.

New England at San Diego
This is a playoff game that a lot of things seemed to actually favor the visitors. The Patriots are the experienced playoff team with a coach who is 12-2 in the playoffs and a quarterback who is 11-1. Plus, they are on a nice four game winning streak. On the flip side, San Diego has Marty Schottenheimer and his 5-12 playoff record and reputation for choking. A lot. Plus, Philip Rivers is starting his first playoff game (first time playoff quarterbacks historically don’t do crap), and got a little shaky down the stretch. Still, why am I picking the Chargers? Even though Rivers has been a bit shaky, they still haven’t lost since October. Schottenheimer has given his play calling duties to his offensive coordinator. Plus, I’m not all that sold on the Patriots who were actually played even by the Jets for most of that game. Besides, as far as I know, the Chargers are the only team to have two guys on defense (Shawne Merriman and Luis Castillo) who have tested positive for steroids. God only knows how many on the team are just better at masking it. But it still doesn’t matter because the Chargers have LaDanian Tomlinson. You know, the best player in the game. The guy whose worst game against a Bill Belichick defense was 134 yards and two touchdowns. I think the way Tomlinson and their juiced up defense are playing will be enough to overcome Martyball.

NFC
Seattle at Chicago
Rex Grossman is quite simply the most mind-boggling quarterback I have ever seen. This guy had a game with a zero quarterback rating (but only because they won't go into the negatives). He had another with 1.3 quarterback rating and three more where he couldn’t get to 37. For reference sake, 16 quarterbacks averaged an 80 or more quarterback rating with Peyton Manning leading the league with a 101 average. Yet, Grossman also had the same number of games (7) where he topped 100 in passer rating as Manning did. This is taking the Forrest Gump comment about never knowing what you’ll get in a box of chocolates to an extreme. Actually, I always thought that was a dumb comment. You always knew which piece of chocolate had coconut in it. However, the Grossman equivalent of not knowing what you’ll get is opening a box of chocolate and getting a car transmission. His train wrecks aren’t derailments. He drives the engine into a volcano. I’m surprised he doesn’t have gamblers trying to kill him, because he takes everything out of the equation when the Bears play. One of the games that he broke 100 in rating was when the Bears beat Seattle 37-6, but you know that if "Bad Rex" shows up this week, God only knows what will happen. Still, as much as he scares me, I think the Bears still win. Even with Grossman courting disaster throughout the season, the Bears only lost two meaningful games. And it’s not like the Seahawks have shown me anything considering they needed the Tony Romo flub to win last week. And remember this little factoid, Grossman isn’t the holder on field goal attempts.

Philadelphia at New Orleans
Now this game I find intriguing. The Eagles just beat the Giants by a last second field goal. A couple of weeks before, the Saints beat the Giants by 23. Does that give the edge to the Saints. Possibly. However, the Eagles seem to be doing whatever it takes to win during their hot streak. However, the Saints had been hot for awhile except the 16-10 loss in week 14. Of course, the Saints have been the story of the year because of lingering sympathy for the hurricane ravaged New Orleans. Of course, a lot of residents have spent time since the hurricane trying to wipe out any vestige of sympathy for them. What's the over/under on murders during the game? Murders, fraud and abuse of other's generosity. Pretty much how New Orleans was before the hurricane, and what they exported to other markets. As for the game, common sense tells me the Saints. After all, they got a prolific offense with skilled players everywhere. They've had the better defense all year. Yet, I'm not sure. The Saints receivers have been banged up. But the main reason is Brian Westbrook. Disregard the hype about Reggie Bush. He's not even the best running back on his own team. And neither Bush nor Deuce McAllister is better than Westbrook is right now. I'm picking the Eagles in an upset.

To make it more interesting, I decided to compete against Angus, my surviving pet rat. I would get two peanuts and label them as opposing teams and then offer them to her. Rats love peanuts. They aren't really that excited about cheese, although they are like garbage disposals. They'll eat anything. Based on which peanut she ate, her picks for this round are Baltimore, New England, Philadelphia, and Seattle.

And does anyone want to guess which Toys R Us manager wanted to keep Jennifer Miller around after Christmas because she was young and cute?

A Little More Football

Yes, Jennifer Miller told me that I write too much about football, but I wasn't put on this earth to make people happy (and I've lived down to that expectation). Besides it's the playoffs so expect another post with my picks for the next round soon. After the Super Bowl, I probably won't write that much about football. Except when I blog two entire days of the NFL Draft which is like a second Christmas to me.

Anyway, just a couple of more thoughts about the Tony Romo flub that killed the Cowboys' chances of winning. During the season it made big news when Bill Parcells cut kicker Mike Vanderjagt (basically because he just didn't like him) and brought in Martin Gramatica. Since then, I've been hoping the Cowboys would lose on a bad kick because it would make Parcells look bad which could create dissension on the team which would make them lose which would make me happy because I hate the Cowboys. Now, I didn't get that exactly the way I wanted (outside Dallas losing) because the kicking blunder was the botched hold of Tony "We-Haven't-Won-A-Game-Since-I-Made-The-Pro-Bowl" Romo. However, as the Gregg Easterbrook of Tuesday Morning Quarterback pointed out, having Vanderjagt instead of Gramatica might have changed things. You see, Romo tried to make a play after screwing up in front of God and country. Romo ran for the goal line with a good shot at a touchdown or at least a first down at the one. Except Seattle's Jordan Babineaux blew right by Gramatica's weak ass block attempt to run down Romo from behind and stop him a yard short (in all the talk about Romo's screwup, the fact that Babineaux made an incredible play to save the game has pretty much been sadly ignored). Easterbrook is convinced that Vanderjagt, who is "ill-tempered", would have done a much better job of stopping Babineaux. And he's right. Vanderjagt has a nasty disposition at times, plus he's a lot bigger than the midget from Argentina. Vanderjagt could have just stepped in front of Babineaux and certainly held him up long enough.

Damn (off subject alert), I have got this song stuck in my head from a movie I saw over the weekend. And it wasn't that good of a movie. At least to my expectations. In fact, I'm still pissed because it was a complete tease. Channel surfing gets me to a movie called D.E.B.S. which has a bunch of girls at some secret agent college. Except they dress like Catholic schoolgirls. And are hot. And one's got itchy britches for a female criminal mastermind who is equally hot. With this premise, how could I lose? Easy. It was PG-13. Bastards. Just setting me up for a disappointment. Except I got to the point in the movie where they played some song called A Little Respect which I cannot get out of my head. It's not a bad song, but not what I usually listen to. I'm debating whether to download the song and play it until I develop a blood clot or don't download it and repeatedly smash my head on my desk. I'm leaning towards desk.

Back to Cowboys' premature climax, another point Easterbrook made was why was Romo doing the holding anyway. Well, we know why. Teams rarely use their starting quarterbacks, but a lot use their backups and Romo started the season as a backup. Others use their punters. Louisville has used a wide receiver. The gist of all of them is that those players are used to handling a ball (Tom Brady his own, Jeff Garcia allegedly someone else's) and should be better at holding. I lean towards punters myself. I wouldn't use a backup quarterback because while quarterbacks handle the ball a lot, backups don't. I wouldn't use a starter because they handle a ball a lot, but in a different (and sometimes obscene) way. Go with a punter. They are used to taking a long snap and not really paying particular attention downfield. Besides, outside of an Oakland punter who may be needed about 10 times a game, most punters don't have enough to do.

I haven't had a chance to review all my bowl picks, but I do have a thought on Florida's win over Ohio State. To begin with, I was happy for Chris Leak, because the way Florida fans treated him during the year was a shame. As for the game, I wondering if the Big Ten will finally wise up and get rid of the rule that their teams have to quit playing the weekend before Thanksgiving. Ohio State had not played a game in almost two months. I'm not sure they would have beaten Florida anyway, because Florida saved their best game for last (and before they try to play the disrespect card, if the Gators had played with that kind of passion all year, or even a couple of regular season games, maybe we wouldn't have doubted them as they needed a blocked field goal to beat South Carolina at home). Still, Ohio State is not that bad, but laying off 50 days is ridiculous.

It was fun while it lasted

Of course the big news for me this week (as a season ticket holder) is that UL's highly successful football coach, Bobby Petrino, is leaving his job to take the head coaching position of the Atlanta Falcons. I will place the blame on Dave Spitzer who is an Atlanta native and should probably not sleep too soundly on the upcoming ski trip. Few things will throw me into a homicidal rage, but messing with my football team will do it. Actually, I'm just kidding. I've never killed anyone on the ski trip. Certainly not anyone in our cabin. And if I were to do so, I'm sure my first victim would be Phil if, for instance, certain potentially embarrassing footage of me ever made it into the ski trip video. But, really, what's the chance that I would beat Phil to death with a pool cue in some psychotic rage over something like that? Probably not better than 60-40.

But I digress. I want to thank Petrino for a good four year run that was more successful than any time in Cardinal history. It got me winter trips to Miami and Jacksonville the past two years. A lot of Cards' fans are unhappy about him leaving, but there's a certain naivete in that. Rich Rodriguez is from West Virgina (poor bastard), played for WVU and coached the Brokeback Mountaineers. Yet, he seriously considered leaving for Alabama. So, if a favorite son is willing to leave Toothless Redneck Central Tech, why would I expect a coach (whose only connection to UL was being hired as an assistant and then head coach) to turn down the NFL and double his salary. Plus, what I really find laughable are the ones crying about "loyalty". Well, word is that UL is going to hire Tulsa head coach Steve Kragthorpe. If that happens, that means three of the last four head football coaches at UL (including John L Smith and Ron Cooper) were hired away from other jobs. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to complain about someone else "stealing" our coach when we're willing to do it to Tulsa, Utah State or Eastern Michigan (although after the Ron Cooper disaster, I wish we hadn't stolen that guy).

Still, I hate to see Petrino leave. He's a great coach, and I think he'll do well at Atlanta assuming he can either dump coach-killer Michael Vick or at least get his stupid ass to listen. Petrino has always run a balanced, non-gimmick, pro style offense, so I think he's going to beat the common perception of college coaches non being worth a damn in the pros. It's a crap argument anyway. Sure, Steve Spurrier didn't do well, but Jimmy Johnson did. And Bill Walsh was the Stanford head coach before taking the 49ers job, so don't believe the myths about college coaches. Besides, Petrino spent time as an offensive coordinator with the Jacksonville Jaguars, so he's not a novice. As for UL, I said he's a great coach, so I'm sorry to see him go. However, while UL reached another level under Petrino, we were winning and going to bowl games before he got there, and I predict we will after he leaves. Now, if Brian Brohm leaves early because Petrino says he'll draft him, Spitzer may want to spend his first day on the ski trip convincing me how much he hates the Falcons, because I hold grudges and am prone to fits of irrationality. God knows, we don't want an tragic accident to happen.

Wildcard Recap

Well, went 3 for 4 in my Wildcard picks. Wasn't too surprised by any of the outcomes. I think New England needs to worry about their future, because the Jets have a lot in place for next year and Brady's internet porn predilection isn't a good offseason workout. It's not really a throwing motion. Except maybe in rugby. In the Colts/Chiefs game, I was right about Peyton Manning going into playoff choke mode as he threw three interceptions. Unfortunately I was wrong about poor coaching being even between Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards. Edwards really went into the tank this week. I've seen more imaginative play calling in Pong. Lousy run defenses can be effective by stacking the line if you don't open things up. It was the end of the third quarter before Tony Gonzalez stopped blocking and began running routes. Let me repeat that. The Chiefs second best offensive weapon spent 75% of the game blocking. You're already down 16-0, dumbdick. Why did the Chiefs go conservative? The only reason they were even in the playoffs was because the Bengals spit the bit in week 17. What did they have to lose?

Now, the NFC games were a lot more interesting even if Jared Lorenzen only got in for one play. Peyton's little brother Eli showed him how to really choke in the playoffs. Now, Plaxico Burress almost screwed it up by making great plays on Eli's errant passes. In Eli's defense, Plaxico usually comes up small in big games, so Eli had every reason to believe his choke job would be helped by throwing it to Burress. Still, in the end, the Eagles came back to win it on University of Louisville product David Akers' last second field goal. Akers also went to high school with Jon Connor and the Dancing Fat Guy I met on the plane to Chicago, but he was just some soccer player there.

Speaking of field goals, it's usually helpful to a kicker for the holder to actually hold the ball. Case in point, the last-minute-probable-game-winning-field-goal by Martin Gramatica (of the famous Gramatica Brothers Gourmet School of Dumbass Kickers) didn't quite have the distance for Dallas because Tony Romo didn't actually catch and spot the snap. Kind of a big fall for Romo who was linked with Jessica Simpson and then Carrie Undersomethingorother. Now, he's probably going out with Clay Aiken. After watching Romo's palpable anguish in his postgame interview after killing any chance Dallas had to make the next round of the playoffs, I probably shouldn't enjoy it so much. Except, one, I hate the Cowboys. And two, I've always hated the Cowboys. Keeping Terrell Owens from advancing to the second round was just gravy.

NFL Playoffs - Wildcard Games

Usually at the end of the year I like to predict who is going to the Super Bowl, but certain things are keeping me from it. Namely, every team in the playoffs has the potential to be a giant turd. I don’t trust a single team still playing. Look at the top four teams. San Diego and Chicago has a quarterback issue (one fairly new, the other season long). New Orleans has a defense issue. I plain don't trust Baltimore. And these guys don't play until the second week. Since I don’t want to look like a complete ass when my Super Bowl picks lose their first game, I’m picking by week. This week is the wildcard games. Here is exactly what’s going to happen.

NFC
Dallas at Seattle
Both teams have nine wins. Both have lost three of their last four. None of their stars have played up to their potential. Where are the differences? Well, Dallas is healthy while Seattle is injured. Does that mean take Dallas? Nope. For one, Seattle is at home. For another, Cowboy players are bickering like a couple of spinster sisters. Third, Dallas has looked flat terrible the past two weeks. Seattle is only 1-1 the past two, but they looked much better. While Dallas seems to have more talent, they are getting less and less out of it each week, while Seattle is finally getting their two top offensive players healthy. Granted, I’m not thrilled with either team after the way they dipped coming into the playoffs. I think it will be a game so ugly that I may go to a strip joint to watch it in the hopes of being distracted by something a bit more interesting. In the end, Seattle will pull out the win.

NY Giants at Philadelphia
The Eagles are rolling into the playoffs on a hotter streak than any other NFC team. The Giants had a must win over a bad team just to get in, and they still barely won. Jeff Garcia is hot while Eli Manning sucks. Brian Westbrook is playing better than ever, and while Tiki Barber had a nice season finale, he’s already left the field mentally. Word is he has already signed a TV deal with ABC to take his thesaurus and Skeletor smile to Good Morning America and 20/20 which makes me glad I don't watch pseudo-news programs. Notice the non-sports shows. If he's signing TV deals before the season is over, what's his priority? Normally everything points to one team winning, I get nervous and almost want to go the other way. Not this time. I would be shocked if the Giants won.

AFC
NY Jets at New England
I want to go with the Jets. They split with the Patriots during the regular season. They've completely overachieved with Coach Magini outcoaching Bill Belicheck. They play solid disciplined football. The problem is they don't have the talent. Chad Pennington is playing his best football ever, but that's not saying much of anything. Curtis Martin is probably still the Jets' best running back, and he hasn't played a down yet. Now the Patriots aren't perfect. They have experience at quarterback (at playing quarterback and surfing animal porn websites), and a strong running game. Defense is still good. However, their receivers suck. Their offense has had some issues scoring during the season. Still, receiver and possibly special teams are the only areas that the Jets have more talent, so as much as I would like to pick them, I can't.

Kansas City at Indianapolis
A lot of people have the Chiefs as a trendy pick to beat the Colts. Mainly because Larry Johnson is a top running back, and the Colts suck against the run. It's a good theory, because the Colts lost three of their last five games, and all were against teams that ran the ball down their throat. It allowed two teams with middling overall offenses and bad defenses, Tennessee and Houston, knock them off late. And Kansas City's defense is actually better than bad. It's mediocre. So, will the Chiefs beat the Colts? Tough call. Coaching isn't an issue. Tony Dungy and Herm Edwards both have a history of pulling a reverse Linda Lovelace and choking in the big game. So, I don't see one outcoaching the other. Trent Green has never proven to be a big game quarterback while Peyton Manning has proven not to be. The question is whether his choke job will be this week or next. I think it's this week.

Arriving Home

Well, I did arrive home. It was well after I thought I would. The flight from Chicago was delayed originally because we were waiting for a flight crew to get in from Green Bay. That delay was enough that they announced our boarding about the time I should have been unlocking my door at home. Then came the real problem. Either the ground crew or the pilot erred. Either the gangway ramp wasn't retracted enough or the pilot wasn't paying attention. I only got the pilot's side and he blamed the ground crew, although that's probably the case since they give the ground crew those orange flashlights to direct the plane out. Anyway, no matter whose fault it was, the plane's wing was driven into the gangway ramp. I shit you not. I was in a plane crash on the ground. So, then we had to wait while "Aircraft Maintenance" showed up to see if we were flight worthy or needed to be moved to another plane. After much picture taking and animated discussion (my window overlooked the problem area), Maintenance said it was okay. At this point, most of the passengers were so tired of waiting, we were happy to take off in a possibly damaged aircraft. Since the pilot was going to actually be in the plane when it took off, he decided to take a look. I watched him poke and prod the wing. Then he disappeared for some time. I assumed he was at the bar, but apparently he went inside to give his side of the story to the boss before ground crew could. So, after a long wait in the plane, we took off to arrive in Lexington about three hours late. Needless to say, American Eagle through Chicago is not going to be my first choice the next time I fly.

Orange Bowl

It figures. Miami was beautiful when I got there (late). It was great Tuesday morning. It was just as nice as I was getting ready to leave Wednesday (that God for a late flight out). Yet, it started raining about lunchtime on Tuesday and didn’t stop until gametime. Granted, I was happy that it stopped by the time the game started, because watching football in a poncho sucks and your nachos get wet. Still, I left Lexington and it was raining, but on the plus side, it was still 70 degrees in Miami which is a huge advantage over the 39 degree rain I left.

I think my biggest beef was the rain caused chicks to overdress. I wasn’t in Miami long enough to go thong hunting on the beaches, so I was left hoping for hot college babes (or hot post college babes or even hot pre-college babes as long as they fit applicable laws) in various layers of undress at the game. Unfortunately, ponchos are America’s burqa and leave a lot to the imagination. Sure, there were some girls in clear ponchos, but a lot of them were oddly bundled up. Let me remind you, IT WAS 70 DEGREES EVEN IN THE RAIN. So, I was left with a handful of hearty ladies who damned the weather in order to show off their assets, and I salute their perseverance.

The halftime show was a bit of a disappointment. Actually, it sucked. It started with a battle of the bands between UL and Wake’s bands. I don’t like marching band music. Then that guy who can’t sing but won American Idol came out and sang one song. Then Gladys Knight came out and sang one song, but at least it was sung well. Still, it was a pretty damn big production to get two songs out of your main events. Then came the worst idea ever (yet one I’ve seen at most bowl games I’ve been to. A bunch (looked like 500) of high school bands came out and played poorly as they walked in an amorphous mass across the field. Little Richard at the Liberty Bowl a few years ago was much better.

Oh, and there was a football game. As I said, the rain stopped at gametime, so the evening was very pleasant. To be honest, I didn’t want the game to be crazy like the insane Boise State/Oklahoma game, because when you let a lower ranked team stay in the game, you give them the chance to win. Well, the game wasn’t as close as the Boise State one, but it was closer than I liked until UL pulled away in the fourth quarter. The Cards just didn’t look sharp. I think for the next bowl game, they need to forego the Trump International Sonesta Beach Resort and stay at a Best Western. Maybe then they’ll be a bit more focused. However, they got their crap together and pulled out the win. Therefore, I can leave happy. Next year, I’m hoping for the Sugar Bowl.

I’m back at Chicago waiting for the final leg of my return to get me to Lexington. I had to connect through Tampa which was irritating because the nicest plane I’ve been on so far was that little jump from Miami to Tampa. It certainly helped to be on the emergency exit row. If you’re flying and it’s available, ask for it. A lot more leg room. Once again showing what a small world it is, the guy sitting next to me from Tampa to Chicago had also been at the Orange Bowl. Even smaller, he was a Wake Forest student who was originally from Louisville. He said he had to root for Wake because he had been there for four years. I called him a traitor and threw his peanuts in his face. Just kidding, they don’t give you peanuts anymore.

Flying To Miami

I really don't mind flying, except the takeoff and landing. Actually, the only takeoffs and landings that bother me are when they are in the cropdusters that fly out of Lexington. The part I don't like about flying is the hassle. My flight out of Lexington was delayed about a half hour which had me worried about catching my connection in Chicago. That didn't become a problem because I'm sitting in O'Hare Airport because my flight out of here has been delayed two hours. At least. It means I'm going to miss the night before party in downtown Miami which pisses me off. Actually, I've been pissed off since the person in front of me on the cropduster out of Lexington had their cat with them. Apparently, some cats don't like flying that much, so they yammer the entire flight. Loudly.

Being the small world that it is (at least in Lexington), one of the fellow passengers on my flight was a Tates Creek graduate who replied when asked "yes, I know Jon Connor". In fact, they are MySpace friends. Yes, I was on a plane with the Dancing Fat Guy. Who was still drunk from the night before. And the drinks he had at the Bourbon Bar in Lexington's airport. Probably a good thing the flight was only an hour long.

My Yearly Bowl Picks

I always like to post my college bowl game picks, so if I’m right about a surprise win (I picked Texas over USC last year), I have historical documentation (OK, an internet blog, but it’s dated) to back me up. I can even waffle some. Sure, I picked Georgia, but I can point out I thought the team speed of the the West Virginia Brokeback Mountaineers could cause the Bulldogs problems. And I can also ignore the historical documentation of all of the picks I blew. Anyway, here are this year’s picks (if I’m not clear in my explanation, winners are in italics).

Poinsetta Bowl – TCU vs. No. Illinois – I like NIU’s Garrett Wolfe a lot, but TCU’s defense will be too much for him. Besides, how can you pick against a team called the Frogs named after a Toad that isn't really a toad.
Las Vegas Bowl – BYU vs. Oregon – Mormons vs. Ducks. What else can you say? I'll take the school named after the dude with 50 wives.
New Orleans Bowl – Rice vs. Troy – One team is named after edible grass (or someone named Rice). The other after a city full of people fooled by a wooden horse and subsequently lent their name to a popular brand of condoms. Bet on the Rubbers.
Papajohns.com Bowl – S. Florida vs. East Carolina – Ummm, Pizza. South Florida is in Tampa which is halfway to Georgia. East Carolina is in Greenville which is near the coast. Give ECU the edge for honesty, but they'll still lose.
New Mexico Bowl – New Mexico vs. San Jose St. – New Mexico went 6-6 to finish 5th in the Mountain West. Their reward - a bowl named after their state being played in their home stadium. I'm still taking San Jose St.
Armed Forces Bowl – Tulsa vs. Utah – Utah named their team after the tribe the state is named for. Tulsa's team name in the Golden Hurricane which is a weather phenomenon that isn't gold colored nor found in Oklahoma. Since the BCS has proven that logic has no place in college football, take Tulsa.
Hawaii Bowl – Arizona St vs. Hawaii – AZ State players will have fond memories of the trip. If they go to the beach, because they aren’t winning this game.
Motor City Bowl – Middle Tenn. St. vs. Central Michigan – CMU lost their coach. MTSU didn't. Take the mid-major team that was good enough to get their coach promoted.
Emerald Bowl – Florida St. vs. UCLA – Contrary to what you might think, this bowl was named after nuts, not jewels. Low scoring game as neither team passes the ball or runs the ball well. UCLA’s coming off a big win over Southern Cal while FSU pretty quit down the stretch. Tough call, but take UCLA.
Independence Bowl – Oklahoma St. vs. Alabama – This bowl was much more interesting as the Poulon/Weedeater Independence Bowl. And when it didn’t have two sorry ass 6-6 teams. Take the sorry ass OSU Cowboys.
Holiday Bowl – Texas A&M vs. Cal – Could be a statement game for Cal which means they’ll lose like they do in every statement game they play.
Texas Bowl – Rutgers vs. Kansas St. – Formerly the Houston Bowl, but changed its name to feel bigger. Then showing how big time it is, it signed a TV deal with a pro football owned channel that’s premium in most markets including one of the teams. With the help of possibly losing an antitrust exemption, the NFL is allowing Rutgers fans to watch their team beat KSU (whose fans may not get to watch).
Music City Bowl – Clemson vs. Kentucky – Since this is not a higher tier bowl, UK’s presence is not the first sign of the Apocalypse. Poor Marty Moore. ESPN has this game, so does anyone think they won’t constantly show Moore fumbling after catching what should have been a game ending interception in the ’93 Peach Bowl? This rematch of that game won’t be 14-13 because both teams will score. I think Clemson’s defense will do a better job of slowing Kentucky’s offense than UK’s defense will do to Clemson’s.
Sun Bowl – Oregon State vs. Missouri – Oregon State is rolling. Missouri is fading. Doesn’t mean Oregon St will win, but they will.
Liberty Bowl – Houston vs. S. Carolina – Ah, memories of Memphis in December. I imagine South Carolina fans will be quite surprised by how cold it can be there(except UL isn’t playing in it, so it will probably be nice & sunny). Imagine their surprise when Houston upsets the Cocks.
Insight Bowl – Texas Tech vs. Minnesota – Minnesota can’t stop the pass to save their life. Texas Tech throws on just about every play. I like Texas Tech’s odds.
Champ Sports Bowl – Purdue vs. Maryland – Purdue didn’t beat anybody who was worth anything. Maryland barely won most of their wins. So, Maryland barely beats Purdue.
Meineke Car Care Bowl – Navy vs. Boston College – BC’s coach just left for a conference rival who coaches in the same state as the bowl game. Leaning towards the Swabbies on this one.
Alamo Bowl – Texas vs. Iowa – My how the mighty have fallen. From national champs to playing a 6-6 Iowa team. Actually, I’m still not sure how a 9-3 Texas ended up here, but they are clearly better.
Chick-fil-A Bowl – Georgia vs. Virginia Tech – A de facto home game for Georgia. What happened the last time they had one of those? There will be less scoring, but history will repeat itself.
MPC Computer Bowl – Miami vs. Nevada – I’m sure Nevada is pleased to be here, and Miami isn’t. Truthfully, this is one of the hardest picks to make, because Miami is better, but they could come out flatter than the transsexual hooker that Jon Con…. er, never mind. Or be motivated to send the coach-they-got-fired out as a winner. Coin flip says motivated.
Outback Bowl – Tennessee vs. Penn State – Joe Paterno has an incredible 21-10-1 bowl record at Penn State. Of course, a lot of those wins were when dinosaurs roamed the Earth. As of January, his bowl record will be 21-11-1.
Cotton Bowl – Auburn vs. Nebraska – On paper, Auburn seems like the likely winner, but under Tuberville, they don’t play so well against good out of conference teams. I’m going with the Cornholers or huskers or whatever.
Gator Bowl – West Virginia vs. Georgia Tech – Toothless Redneck Central Tech isn’t good against the pass, and GA Tech has a great receiver in Calvin Johnson. Too bad they have a crappy quarterback in Reggie Ball. The Brokeback Mountaineers run all over GA Tech to win.
Capital One Bowl – Arkansas vs. Wisconsin – When governors do their silly bets on these games, I’m assuming Wisconsin will bet cheese or bratwurst, but what product is synonymous with Arkansas? Stained dresses? Wannabe New York politicians? At least Arkansas football is good this year.
Rose Bowl – Michigan vs. USC – Always seems to be a team that seemingly got jobbed by the bowl system then turned in a clunker. Michigan is this year’s clunker. Just like a Ford.
Fiesta Bowl – Boise State vs. Oklahoma – I would dearly love to pick Boise State to win this, but Oklahoma will be too tough. Plus, they have a guy named CJ Ah You on the team. How do you counteract that? Ia Falo? Just not as good.
Orange Bowl – Louisville vs. Wake Forest – Dammit, Louisville better win.
Sugar Bowl – Notre Dame vs. LSU – Neither team deserved to be in a BCS bowl game. ND only played two good teams and had their asses handed to them both times. LSU didn’t even win their division of the SEC. Still, LSU will handle ND easily.
International Bowl – Cincinnati vs. Western Michigan – Since this game is in Toronto, they probably should have scheduled it before January since people going to the game will need a passport. Of course, with the crowds they draw in the regular season, may not be many. UC’s new coach is from Central Michigan, so he knows Western Mich which will be enough for the win.
GMAC Bowl – Ohio vs. Southern Miss – This is not the same Ohio team that beat UK two years ago. That team sucked. Still, this one won’t beat Southern Miss
BCS Championship Game – Florida lobbied to get into this game. I hope it was worth it when they lose by two touchdowns to Ohio State.