Dead Pirates & Other News

While I don't think much of Barak Obama's foreign policy, I will give him credit on the Somali hostage situation. Bullets to the head pretty much ended that hijacking. Now, I find it hard to believe that Obama really approved the actual operation as claimed. As in, he told the Navy to shoot them in the head if they had a shot. In fact, it makes more sense that he only allowed action if the captain was in imminent danger. Which seems like it should have been standard operating procedure. But at least he did allow them to shoot pirates if they were going to shoot the captain. And to be honest, I'm just glad that for once an American President can have third world thugs gunned down without criticism. I can only imagine what would have happened under a recent administration.

But if Obama is going to take the credit for the successful operation, I expect a lot more from him now. To begin with, put the only bastard you caught in jail for life. No plea bargains. And if he's acquitted (he will be tried in NYC), drop him off where he was captured. From a plane. Don't be like Canada who captured a bunch and let them go (that'll show 'em). Actually, there are two things that need to be done. Attack them before they get to sea. They know what ports they use. Blockade the ports, and if you see any boat coming from Somalia with guns, sink it. That's how the Royal Navy ended piracy in the Caribbean. Or how about arming the ships? These guys are in speedboats. Do you think they'll keep coming if you blast them with a .50 caliber machine gun?

Now is it fair to be suspect of Obama's foreign policy decisions? Maybe. Let's see, he reacts to a North Korean missile test by asking the UN for more sanctions in addition to the ones that North Korea had been ignoring already. Blandly took a tongue lashing from tinpot dictators. He also lifted some economic restrictions on Cuba, and then thought Cuba might want to release some political prisoners. Silly me. Since lifting the restrictions could easily pour a lot of hard cash into Cuba, I would have thought about asking them to release them in exchange for lifting the restrictions. What incentive does Cuba have to do it now? Oh right, Obama asked them to. That'll work. But at least he is "deeply disappointed" that an American journalist has been jailed on trumped up charges. I imagine his response will be a sternly worded letter and a care package of smokes. Especially when his previous efforts with Iran seems to consist of asking the only pro-American country in the Middle East to capitulate to the demands of anti-American groups in order for the U.S. to help them keep from getting nuked by Iran. Almost makes you long for the days of Jimmy Carter's hard edged diplomacy.

But let's look at some other things. Like a prostitution story because we all like hooker tales. This one is a strange one. Woman breaks into an apartment. Demands the men there pay her for sex. Ten dollars. Which looking at the picture may be too much. They call the cops instead and she's charged with solicitation. I have to wonder if she'd done this a lot and they were just fed up. Calling the cops is such a hassle. There were three of them. Everyone chip in a few bucks and have one of them take one for the team.

A university in Taiwan is proving that the U.S. doesn't have the market cornered on silly, wasteful classes. They have a class to learn "how to appreciate and analyse porn movies." Not sure I'd want to sit in front of the guy who appreciates it too much. What's the deal with these classes? What do you analyze on this? "Look at his aim. Didn't get any in her eye." Give me a break. And why take it? It's not like it was during my college days when there was no internet porn. And one schmuck is worried what his parents will say if he does well in the class. I'd be more concerned with not doing well because they'll know he spent the whole semester spanking his monkey instead of analyzing.

And to prove I can defend Barak Obama, I will. Sure, I ridiculed him for giving the Prime Minister some DVDs as a gift. Especially when it was found they didn't work in England. But I don't have a problem with him giving the Queen of England an iPod. To begin with, the gift she gives everyone is pretty damned egotistical. An autographed picture in a silver frame? Is she that out of touch with reality that she thinks that's what everyone wants? I think Frank Drebin said it best.



And a sad death to report. Marilyn Chambers who probably caused several cases of teenage carpal tunnel syndrome has passed away. I clicked on the video. It wasn't what I was hoping for. She was looking bad. All used up and knockers almost on the floor (not often I think a female porn star needs to zip up her jacket). And apparently not doing all that well. She was found in her mobile home. So sad when a cultural icon falls on such hard times.

Some hack psychiatrist is suggesting that the recession may make us happier. I know I'm popping wood.

God, I wish I could play the guitar.

Did anyone see where the government is thinking that GM should go into bankruptcy? I'm so glad the feds loaned them all that money. If they were smart, they'd run an ad campaign around those loans. Tell Americans that by buying GM cars, they can help the company pay back the loans.

A 53 year old woman got busted for reckless driving when she was pulled over doing 103 mph. With her grandson in the car. Who she was teaching not to drive that fast. With those genetics, that kid probably can't remember anything. Still probably wasn't as bad as the Norwegian who got busted for driving 123 kph. While having sex with his girlfriend. The position sounds like reverse cowgirl. Wait a minute. That's not even 80 mph. Sad day in this world when you can't get your rocks off while doing about 75 mph.

When I first heard that Madonna fell off a horse, my first thought was wondering if she was strapped on underneath.

Maybe this should have been near the pirate story. Two people are dead. From a sword fight. In Indiana. Here is the line that says it all. "That escalated when one of the men grabbed a sword, prompting the other man to also brandish a sword." Are Hoosiers now walking around with swords in case they need to fight a duel?

Who among us hasn't passed out on the crapper after taking too many prescription drugs and washing them down with bourbon? And then let the 2 year old we were babysitting wander out into a alligator infested canal? Actually, that never happened to me. Nobody is stupid enough to let me babysit a 2 year old.

What is with people going to some wannabe doctor for plastic surgery? A couple of months ago it was silicone injections in the ass. Now, it's boob jobs. With vet equipment. How stupid can you be? You think getting a boob job from some guy working out of a dirty house with pets running around is a good idea? I'm going to pretend to be a plastic surgeon. Not to inject people with silicone because that sounds gross. I'll just do pre-op screening and feel around some.

Let's end this blog posting with a good boob story. The War on Flashing Boobies is continuing. But at least a lawyer is fighting back. When nightclub out in Denver had it's liquor license suspended because some bimbos were flashing their boobs while there, their attorney decided to fight it as a 1st Amendment case. I'm not sure the 1st Amendment should protect that, but I like the effort. And I think women should be able to make a statement by whipping out the goodies. In fact, if any woman feels like showing me her boobs at any time, I won't complain.

Catching Up

Been kind of busy so have quite a few stories saved up that I figure I need to get out. Let's start with the United Nations referring to the United States as "deadbeat" for being late on dues which our Exalted Ruler wants to take care of (too bad appropriations are done in Congress). My response probably would have been different. Would have begun with "F" and ended with "You". I might have pointed out that the U.S. doesn't owe the U.N. 22% of their budget if we don't want to pay it. It's a voluntary organization. So, we can volunteer to leave. Which isn't a bad idea. Let's see what our money is funding. Widespread corruption which doesn't seem to be much of a concern to the U.N. because they're holding up appointing a new boss for their investigation unit. The problem seems to be that competence is not valued as much as being a Ugandan woman. The U.N. also wants to spend $2 million on another racism conference. What's wrong with that? The conference on racism was so inherently racist that Obama didn't want to be involved. Oh, and if that's not enough, our money is funding sex tours for UN peacekeepers. I don't know why some members of Congress would be averse to throwing money at that organization.

Now, these are the stories you love. A Jewish restaurant mistakenly serves non-kosher hot dog and a riot almost breaks out as "a hundred enraged people" go after the cook who fights back with an electric knife. Actually, I watched the video and that hundred people seems exaggerated, but the cook did pull out the electric knife. He would have been better off with a butcher knife. Slashing blade and sharp point. Much more effective.

Here was a part of the AIG bonus foolishness that I missed. A bunch of state attorney generals are now "investigating" the AIG bonuses. By investigating, I think they mean "political grandstanding". Common sense tells me they don't have real standing since the money given to AIG was from the federal treasury. Assuming their excuse to get involved is really the reason, I must say I have a problem with a state AG thinking he has standing to investigate a company based on lost shareholder value. But 19 of them are just making hay. The 20th is a certified moron. He's the AG of Connecticut. Where a lot of the bonuses were paid. What's he want to happen? The bonuses be given back? Hey genius, if they keep the bonuses, your state gets to tax them for it. If they don't, you get nothing.

LeAnn Rimes is cheating on her husband. So sad. She was such a clean, wholesome girl. But I know where it went wrong. She did Coyote Ugly. Biggest dick tease of a movie ever. Previews made you think it was going to be a T&A fest. Nope. Cheesy girl-moves-to-big-city-to-follow-her-dreams-even-though-Bruce-Springsteen-didn't-need-to-drive-20-minutes-from-New-Jersey-to-make-it-in-the-music-business movie. When the previews show me women dancing on bars, I think full frontal female nudity is involved. Is that too much to ask?

Oh, here's a good one. A woman who is ordained in the Episcopal Church was defrocked for the minor transgression of converting to Islam. How intolerant of the church. Gee, how could that possibly affect her ministry? One person asked about it had this to say - "It's hard for me to understand how a Christian minister could have dual loyalties." Not me. She's an idiot and has no real beliefs. She'll probably be an Orthodox Jew or Scientologist next month.

Hmmm. The President flies in a pizza cook from St. Louis to serve a "casual lunch". That's the man of the people right there. I always have my pizza delivered by plane. I will now hold my breath waiting for the environmental psychos to complain about the carbon footprint generated by such an unnecessary trip when there are plenty of pizza places within walking distance (not to mention an entire cooking staff at the White House). Of course, this is the candidate who stated "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times...and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK." Until he got to the White House where he cranked up the thermostat. I guess "we" means "people other than Barak Obama".

Speaking of rules that should only be followed by the little people, several Congressmen have been found to be taking a homestead credit for homes in Maryland. Which is a credit for home residence. Which would be fine except these Congressmen are from states other than Maryland. And based on a little technicality called the United States Constitution, their home residence should legally be in the state they represent. I do like how they contend that what they did was perfectly legal, and they were willing to pay whatever the county says they owe. Pardon me if I find them completely full of crap. They knew when they filed for it that they were claiming the house as their primary residence. If I was their constituents, I'd be asking how a man is supposed to represent me if he considers his home to be 2500 miles away and just rents an apartment for the few times he comes around.

A deadly spider may or may not have been found at a Whole Foods Store. I don't care. I will now avoid health food. Well, I won't start buying health food. But that's neither here nor there. The part that caught my attention was the statement that its bite will cause men to have an erection. Man, I must have been bit a lot when I was in high school.

I've never been that big a fan of video games, but I'm wondering if I've just been playing with the wrong people.

Man, what a relief this news story is. Here I was wasting all my time doing the Sudoku puzzles in the newspaper. Now some professor has come up with an algorithm that will allow people to solve a puzzle in just quite a bit more time than normal. Truthfully, I find both sides to be rather stupid. The Sudoku lovers are in a tizzy because it'll spoil their game. Well, not really since you don't have to use it. Some people can still do math in their head (I know it's a stretch to believe). As for the guy who did it, doesn't he feel like he wasted a lot of time? He came up with a more inefficient way of solving a puzzle. He really should be more involved in government work.

Normally, I find stories about pornography to be interesting and insightful. Well, usually just amusing. A female pilot won a settlement because she kept finding pornography (actually sounds like naked pictures of women) in the cockpit of planes that she flew. Apparently, her pre-flight check included searching every nook and cranny for leftover pornography. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I was in high school in the pre-internet days. Does she not know how valuable "found" pornography was? Now, I would prefer my pilots be more professional than looking at dirty pictures while flying. However, I'm glad the bitch is out of the cockpit. She claimed that finding pornography made her go on meds and have to stop flying. Yeah, that's who I want flying my plane. Someone who is so mentally fragile that a picture of some chick fishhooking her crotch will give her the shakes. Wonder what would have happened if she'd been on Flight 1549. She probably would have tried a belly landing on top of an apartment complex. She probably put that crap there herself just so she could sue.

And much like finding someone I wouldn't want as a pilot, I've found someone I wouldn't want as a shrink. But I didn't need to see a picture of a 61 year old psychiatrist doing blow off her leg to know she would never handle my mental health (or lack of). The fact that she was Anna Nicole Smith's psychiatrist pretty much lets me know her competence level.

There are certain places in the world that you begin to think that they deserve whatever happens to them. Four Oakland police officers were killed by some scumbag criminal. How did citizens of this city respond? Marched in support of the scumbag. Want to know why this scumbag probably did it? Probably because he knew the cops were looking for him over a small matter of raping a 12 year old. Well done, morons of Oakland. Congrats on having the Raiders. Your sorry ass city deserves it.

I was driving down Versailles Road the other day and saw something I never thought I would see. A slightly banged up, gray Chevette. With an antique car tag. One of those that usually is only seen on classic cars. I guess it's technically an antique car. I think the criteria is that it has to be 20 years old and since GM stopped making that POS in 1986, it has to be that old. To be honest, I'm shocked it was still running.

I've already pointed out that I can't take Oakland seriously as a city. Nor can I take the state that it's in seriously either. California is actually thinking about banning black cars. It has something to do with global warming which is now called climate change because we are no longer warming and to continue to warn about warming that isn't happening might seem silly to rational people. Climate change can still be used because the earth's climate has changed drastically throughout history with no help at all from us. Want to know who the happiest people are about this latest nonsense from the land of wackjobs? Car dealers just across the border in other states.

Some British newspaper ran a piece about Rod Stewart and his wife who may have a name but I don't really care wanting to put their child in some private English school. Which is something else I don't care about. The only interest I had was when I saw the picture. Good lord, look at the nipples on that woman. And Stewart better watch out. They're at eye level and with those nipples jutting out like that, he could get his eye poked out. Whenever I see an unattractive singer with something like that, I curse this horrible singing voice I have.