Dying Newspapers & Other News Stories

There's been a recent spate of newspapers filing for bankruptcy or trying to be sold. First it was the Seattle Post-Intelligencer. Then it was the Minnesota Star-Tribune (nice that the unions thought it was better to hold firm against concessions because no job is infinitely better than a lower paying one). And the Rocky Mountain News (I'm sure saying this is your unprofitable newspaper won't make it harder to sell). I'm not going to do like other conservatives and blame it on an industry with very monolithic editorial policies although it doesn't make sense to alienate a portion of your potential sales. It's obvious why newspapers are struggling. They don't provide much. I used to get a newspaper every day. Now I might if I'm going out for lunch. And if it wasn't for the crossword puzzle, I probably wouldn't do that. Mainly because most of the news is old news. Most of the stories in section 1 are from wire services which means I read them online the day before (or a couple of days before in some instances). Even local news was usually on the evening news the day before. I'm willing to bet a sizable portion of the newspaper buying public is only there for local sports, comics and crossword puzzles. Well, and maybe Jumble. Yet, newspapers will blow tons of cash of stupid crap. Why would a newspaper from a town without an NFL team send a reporter to cover the Super Bowl? It's just wasteful. A lot of these papers should just go online. Maybe keep a smaller tabloid version with some more in depth local coverage. You'll cut your overhead costs and can still have printable crossword puzzles.

I wonder if this story gets made into a heart warming movie starring Robin Williams or Julia Roberts as the unconventional teacher doing what it takes to educate the students. I mean, duct taping a student's mouth shut is certainly unconventional. But before we get too tough on her, just remember this. Kids are brats. He probably deserved it. In fact, in the book I'm planning to write on raising children, there will be an entire chapter devoted to the proper (and improper) use of duct tape.

Might also have a chapter on proper places to have sex. I'm not sure that one of those giant Ferris wheels that cities keep building is the best place. People can see into it. There could be motion sickness. Swaying could screw up your rhythm. So, I'd say don't do it. Unless she's really hot. Or you can't get anywhere else quickly.

There's this inauguration thing going on this week. I'll probably miss it because it's my bowling night. And I never watched it when someone I voted for won so I'm not going to watch someone I didn't vote for. It's turning into quite a big deal. In fact, it's getting its own bailout due to concerns for public safety. Apparently the city of Washington does not believe it has enough resources to "protect the public". It's Washington DC. Does this mean they usually have the money, but choose not to protect the public in one of the most crime ridden cities in America? I just like how the last inauguration was considered unseemly due to the price tag which was about a third of the expected cost of this one.

Maybe they can sell it as an economic stimulus. Except for whores. DC is putting up signs along high whoring streets to say it's a prostitution free zone. And it threatens them with arrest and possible fines. Which confuses me greatly because I thought prostitution was already illegal in Washington DC. Damn, Ted Kennedy may not even show up. Well, they can always call Eliot Spitzer and ask for some numbers of places that will ship down from New York.

I wonder if anyone is going to import some Obama cagners to sell for the occasion. These things are little figurines of people taking a dump. Not in a toilet. On the ground. And there is one of Obama. And apparently of the three wise men for your nativity scene. I think this pretty well explains why Spain hasn't been a world power in centuries.

I think the Washington press corp will work even harder on getting Obama re-elected after finding out that his vacations are to Hawaii after years of following Bush to Crawford, Texas. Of course, I find the coverage ridiculous. The studio throws it to the correspondent in Hawaii to report that Obama played golf. Doesn't it seem like a waste of time and money to set up a shot on the beach to report that? I'm not saying they shouldn't be there in case there is breaking news. It just seems stupid to run them out on the beach to report fluff.

This was quite an impressive feat. As I'm sure everyone knows, an airliner crashed into the Hudson river after a flock of geese knocked out both engines. Everyone lived. I've been in a plane crash, but the plane hadn't left the ground yet nor actually made it to the runway. The fact the pilots were able to land a plane on a river with no engine power is simply incredible.


What I think is more important is the geese. I'm sure most people are assuming that this is a random act that nearly became a tragedy. I think it was premeditated. This is just the first salvo in the expected human-geese war. I call on any human being coming across a goose to immediately kill it or take it prisoner.

I caught the tail end of some story about Steve Jobs taking a leave of absence from Apple due to some health issues. But I don't really care about that. All I care is that they've rejected the iBoobs app for the iPhone which means geeks can't shake their phone and watch a set of knocker bounce around. It's a damn shame this is what the country is coming to.

Do people on the west coast not get tired of wackjobs making them look stupid? A woman runs a shop that sells stuff. I can't really be more explicit than that because it doesn't really say. However, she lets the customer decide the price. Now, she's going out of business because she can't pay her rent. She's blaming a bad economy. Silly me. I would have assumed that having a business model that allows customer's to decide if they want to pay below cost for your items would cause you to go out of business no matter what.

Now, this store sells more explicit stuff. Some Australian sex shop has been broken into and the guy had sex with some blow up dolls. Which he left behind so they can match his DNA. Now, I would never go to such a place, and I would certainly never consider buying one of those things. However, if I was in the market for one, I would not buy it at this shop without checking to make sure the box was factory sealed.

Here are the stories I'd want to cover if I wrote for a news organization. This is a really long article to simply state that Canada has its own porno movie industry to compete with LA's. But the author got to spend her time in porn shops and on adult movie sets which has to be better than sitting around a city council meeting. What's the point of the article when the porn dealers say there isn't a demand for it? I did like this justification why Canadians might want to buy porn made locally - "when you see a Canadian girl that you could run into at the supermarket instead of knowing that 99% of the movies are coming out from Los Angeles." Man, if I run into a woman I see in a porno at my local grocery, I hope she doesn't hand test the produce before buying. I don't want to spend half the morning scrubbing any apples I buy.

Interesting health study. It found that more people are using prescription sleep aids. The study also found that college students are using them at a much higher rate. College kids today are such pussies. When I was in college, I didn't need sleep aids. Of course, when you're drunk most of the time, you fall asleep quite easily.

Some people who misuse the court system should be beaten. This douchebag is suing Hooters for not hiring him as a food server. This is utterly ridiculous. His lawyer should be disbarred for even claiming that Hooters isn't a sexually-oriented business. What planet is he living on? Sure, it's not the porn industry, and I know straight women who eat there because they like bar food. However, the bread and butter for the restaurant is male customers who like the fact that their waitress is an attractive young lady (if the manager knows how to hire) in tight shorts and a tank top, and they certainly don't want some dude dressed like that serving them food. Would this idiot attorney sue Solid Platinum for not hiring a male stripper, because after all, it's just dancing? It's obviously a money play. They're hoping for a settlement. The courts need to crack down on this crap and fine the hell of the attorney and client so that they don't keep wasting people's time with this.