The NBA Draft

Ah, the NBA Draft. Not near as good as the NFL draft no matter what Mark Story said in the Lexington rag. Actually, considering he said that the NBA Draft might be the single best day of sports each year proves he's a moron. After you get past the Oden/Durant argument, you start wondering things like "who is going to take the 7 foot Chinaman". He fails to mention that watching the NBA draft means you have to keep your finger on the mute button for when they go to Stephen A-hole Smith. Still, I'm going to blog it just so I can make fun of a bunch of stiffs who get drafted because they are tall but slow.

Well, Portland takes Greg Oden with the first pick. Smart move. Outside the Michael Jordan Bulls, the '04 Pistons are the only team to win an NBA championship since 1990 without a big man taken with the number one pick. Otherwise, it's Hakeem Olajuwon (2), Shaq (4) and Timmy Duncan (4). Not that taking a big man number one is always a good idea - think Kwame Brown and Michael Olowokandi-ass. But I don't think that will be Oden. And Seattle gets a nice consolation prize with Durant.

Side note - support local candidates when you vote.

And Milwaukee selects the 7 foot Chinaman after three other teams didn't. Al Horford - good pick. Michael Conley Jr - who knows. Jeff Green - getting traded to Seattle so who cares.

Charlotte takes Brandan Wright from North Carolina. Apparently they were sold by his prospectus that said "doesn't play hard". He'll be the fourth Tarheel on Charlotte's roster. Get a UNC guard, change the team colors to powder blue, and maybe they can draw a crowd.

Joakim Noah made history when he became the third player drafted out of Florida this year (no school has ever had three players drafted in the top ten in the same year). He may make history in the future when he becomes the first player drafted by the NBA and the WNBA. His English is as bad as that guy from China's.

Side note - I'd like to send a little shout out to the guy in front of me at the self-checkout line in the store today. It's called a fast lane because we're supposed to be done quickly. If you're too damned ignorant to ring up produce yourself, go to a regular line.

Okay, Sacramento just drafted Spencer Hawes so we've got the first stiff and the first use of "upside". A non-athletic 7 footer who doesn't rebound well or block shots. That's a can't miss product.

Four guys taken to end the "lottery" part of the show. Then we get Rodney Stuckey, Nick Young and Sean Williams. I thought Dick Vitale said this was going to be one of the deepest drafts ever. Well, he says a lot of stupid things.

Great. Knicks might have made a trade to get Portland head-case Zach Randolph which leads to Stephen A-hole touching himself and extended screen time for Spike Lee to celebrate. Let's see, Portland gets Greg Oden, and New York gets a true team player who is also a suspension waiting to happen. Of course, when he said Bill Bradley could shut down Larry Bird, I knew Spike Lee was a typical New York sports fan. Loud and clueless.

Side note - They're holding Congressional hearings on NFL disability payments. When are they going to focus on the true injury epidemic - hurt jaws from competitive eating?

A second player from Georgia Tech was just drafted. I would have thought with two players taken in the top 19, Tech should have won at least one tournament game.

Hey, more garbage about Kobe Bryant wanting a trade. What's he going to do if the Lakers don't trade him? Not play? Pout? That will endear him to the masses.

Side note - Considering the great strides sportwriters make to distinguish professional wrestling from real sports, the sports news websites sure are carrying a lot of stories about Chris Benoit's double murder-suicide. Do they think this means Barry Bonds will wig out and kill people?

And once again, a big deal is made when the local New York team drafts someone (Wilson Chandler? Who the Hell is that?). Should we all begin to question God as to why we weren't born a New York "insert team name" fan? Well, except Phil because he used to be a Mets fan.

San Antonio takes another South American - Tiago Splitter from Brazil. Which led to the graphic about how many international players are on the Spurs. Beginning with Tim Duncan. From the U.S. Virgin Islands. Let me point out that the "U.S." in U.S. Virgin Islands stands for United States. How is a U.S. citizen from a U.S. territory considered an international player?

Side note - I would look into getting one of those iPhones except I already have an iPod and I don't really like talking on the phone and it's $500.

Well, they finished the first round with a true international player - Howdy Doody.... I mean Petteri Koponen who played for the Honka Espoo Playboys in Finland. And I'm not making that team name up. Sounds like people into kinky backdoor sex.

And I'm going to quit as we get into the second round. To keep interest, the semi-worthless commentators will be trying to portray the draftees as the next Carlos Boozer or Gilbert Arenas. Oh, and they've already started the discussion about guys who came out "too early". Sure, some of these guys will look like schmucks for coming out early when they drop out of the first round (and guaranteed money). However, for a lot of them, they don't like school and want to leave anyway. An athletic career is a finite time, so for many, it makes sense to get your career started. There is no guarantee these guys are going to help their draft status by staying an extra year. It's not like the first round is littered with seniors. Did Glen Davis really help himself by staying an extra year?

Okay, I had to add one more point. In the second round, the Miami Heat just drafted a guy named Stanko.

Taxes Equal Charity?

Originally I thought the most interesting news of the week would be the return of the P'Zone at Pizza Hut. Nothing like a big ass calzone for dinner. This is the type of food that will fill you up. Unless you have a tapeworm. Plus, the other good thing is that it's completely portable. That means I can take it home rather than eat it at the restaurant where they serve those horrible Pepsi products. Now, while this news makes me happy, it isn't the most interesting. The most interesting is the story about the University of Oregon study that found paying taxes makes people happy.

Stories like this simply remind me why I don't get concerned about the cost of tuition rising at a much higher rate of inflation. Well, actually the main reasons I'm not concerned is that I'm out of school and don't have children. Actually, I don't want to smart people getting themselves into incredible amounts of debt trying to go to college. I'm OK with stupid people going into debt. Still, I lose my concern because these rising costs can be attributed to factors that could be solved if colleges really want to. For instance, getting rid of inefficiency. Making professors actually teach classes rather than countless sabbaticals. Stop having a bunch of classes that no one goes to. Or having pointless classes that many people go to, but really don't have much education value, like a class on pornography. Give me a break. Don't give course credit for watching porn. Make them watch it on their own time. College students have it easier these days with the Internet. When I was in college, you only had bootleg videos and magazines if you wanted porn.

Yet, those issues pale in comparison to stupid studies. This study isn't just pointless. It's downright retarded. First off, why do I get the feeling that a group of people already sucking off the government teat wouldn't have a predisposed notion that taxes are good? Second, the study only has 19 people, and all of them are women. Great sampling. Third, they aren't really giving anyone money. It's a fake account. These people simply aren't giving away their own money. I learned when I worked summers for the Army that it's a lot easier to spend someone else's money than your own.

Those issues alone make this study complete crap. However, the biggest problem is that giving money to charity is not the same as paying taxes. I really do believe that charitable giving does make people feel better. In fact, way back in college I argued that true altruism doesn't exist because the proverbial "warm fuzzy" is a benefit to the one practicing it. But paying taxes is not the same as donating to charity. Donating to charity is something people do because they want to. Plus, they give it to whoever they want to give it to. Taxes are basically extortion (and in the best line ever, the taxers want a thank you for it). Pay them or go to jail. It doesn't matter if you believe in what it goes for. Conservatives have to subsidize welfare. Pacifists have to subsidize the military. Parents with children in private school have to pay property taxes to pay for public schools they don't use. Hell, I have to indirectly pay property taxes (factored into rent) to support schools even though I don't have kids. If these researchers really wanted to find out how people feel about taxes, they should have paid their subjects to be in the study. Then they should have taken half their paychecks to fund a junket for the professors to go to some pointless conference (which is much closer to what your tax dollars fund than a food bank). Let's see how positive a reaction they get from that?

More Random News And Notes

Told you a long time ago (well, a month anyway) that Paris Hilton wouldn't serve her entire sentence. Ironically, now she might. A lesson to be learned - don't piss off the judge.

Speaking of the law, a woman was just awarded $29K for false arrest because the New York court system ruled a long time ago that since a man walking around topless isn't indecent exposure, neither is a topless woman in public. I wonder if a bunch of topless women are now going to be wandering the streets of NY hoping an overzealous cop takes them in. Why not? I've heard rumors of these clubs where women take their clothes off and dance for men waving singles at them. Unless these "strip clubs" are an urban legend, those girls could get paid and not even dance.

In a sad story with a happy ending, the Australian town of Hinton was cut off by floodwater. Yet, the emergency services stepped up and delivered beer. I'm thinking of building a moat around my apartment building to see if I can sucker the city into delivering me beer. Unfortunately, Lexington struggles to fill potholes. They may not be up to the challenge of delivering beer.

Now, Applebee's can get alcohol to you. Even in a sippy cup to a two year old. I'm not sure why the mother was mad. A margarita is a lot more expensive than apple juice. Okay, so the kid got sick, but kids get sick all the time. But I think the moral of the story is toddlers just can't hold their liquor. Sure I got sick the last time I drank Tequila, but I had to drink a lot of it and chase it with Stroh's.

It's always nice to find out that women are just as degenerate as men. At least in England. And I think we all really knew that.

And in Texas, sex is selling the news as a bikini model is now the anchorwoman of the local newscast. Some people are outraged because she doesn't have a journalism background. So what? What do they need to know besides how to read a teleprompter?

I realize that there are a lot of dicks in the workplace, and it's entirely possible some exhibit psychopathic behavior there (I know I do). However, in this story about the "workplace psychopath", a moronic doctor actually says "I think the workplace psychopath is actually more dangerous than the violent criminal psychopath". Really? Does this mean he would rather deal with a hatchet wielding nutsack over the workplace asshole?

Speaking of psychopaths, another study has found that Muslims who favor a larger role of Islam in politics were also more likely to support terrorism. You think? What's next? A study that shows those same people believe it's okay to kill their daughter for refusing to be forced into an arranged marriage?

I guess animals can go psycho too as this squirrel went on a rampage in Germany. However, I don't think the squirrel was crazy. The animal kingdom has declared war on us. Fighting back will be tough. In this country, you can't even shoot a few dolphins (the elite special forces of the sea). Norway won't even let you boil a few crabs (although originally I thought the article was about controlling jock itch).

This wouldn't be a problem if we had all listened to Bob Barker and spayed or neutered our children. Or was it pets? I can't really remember. Now, Bob is gone. And he's promoting Rosie O'Donnell as his replacement. He says she wants to host the Price Is Right. Of course she does. She can't wait to get her hands on Barker's Beauties. I think half of them have posed for Playboy at one time or another (and one is now an anchorwoman in Texas). And nailing one is not grounds for dismissal but you might get sued. More good news for Rosie. Donald Trump may not have been mean to her when he called her fat. Experts are now saying doctors should be blunt when talking to fat kids about their weight. So, if telling a four year old they are fat instead of "husky" is a good thing, it should be just as good to do the same with a woman who has the intelligence and maturity of a four year old?

The Greatest News Story Of The Year

Without a doubt, this is the greatest news story I've heard this year. Granted, it's just in the rumor stages, but apparently Dale Earnhardt Jr will sign a contract to drive for Hendrick Motorsports next year. As I mentioned before, Junior had already announced he was leaving DEI next year, but he didn't have a plan in place. Now, he does. Actually, I'm kind of surprised that Hendrick is taking him since they have four drivers (maximum allowed for one owner) in place, but word is that they are dropkicking Kyle Busch to make room for Earnhardt. Busch is kind of a dick, so small loss for Hendrick.

It's a great move for Earnhardt. He showed in 2003 and 2004 that he could drive with the best of them as he finished third both years. The best was 2004 when he won six times and finished in the top five in 16 out of 36 races. Now he's going to the top team in NASCAR. Hendrick has won 10 of the 14 races this year with all four drivers getting at least one. So, he's not going to struggle because of equipment. I'm not so sure that it's that good for Hendrick even if Earnhardt is successful. Sure, he brings a ton of fans, money, and endorsements. The problem is that Hendrick already has a little rivalry between its top two drivers, Jeff Gordon and Jimmie Johnson, about the pecking order. Throw in another alpha male who brings a larger following than either of the two, and there is more friction. Of course, teams from the same owner are pretty autonomous (as long as they aren't wrecking a teammate), and Gordon and Johnson have combined to win 57% of the races this year, so maybe it won't be a problem.

The reason I think it's funny is because of the effect it will have on Earnhardt's fans. As I mentioned before, I was never a Dale Earnhardt Sr fan so I'm not in the Earnhardt Jr inherited fanbase. Junior is a likable fellow so he did pick up some fans of his own to become the most popular driver in NASCAR, but my guess is the vast majority of his base came after his very popular father died on the track. And that inherited fanbase is insane. They make UK basketball fans seem rational. Okay, somewhat rational. Earnhardt Sr's fans were a bunch of crazed, redneck nutsacks when he was alive and degenerated after his death. And in their eyes, who is NASCAR's Anti-christ? Dale Jr's newest teammate Jeff Gordon. I have yet to meet a longtime Earnhardt fan who doesn't absolutely hate Gordon. Now, their crown prince will be sharing a garage with him. That is too funny.

Some More NBA Thoughts

Let's see. LeBron James puts on one of the best playoff performances I've ever seen in a double overtime win. Zydrunas Ilgauskas (say that with food in your mouth) hit a layup with almost eight minutes left in the fourth quarter. From that point until the end of the game, the only Cleveland point not scored by James was a free throw by Drew Gooden. Then the Cavs win their next game to get some fresh faces into the NBA Finals. So, how does the NBA capitalize on it? They wait five days to start the Finals. Granted, ABC may have wanted to wait. How often can they show repeats of Supernanny and Wife Swap. Oh, and a new episode of The Next Best Thing: Who Is The Greatest Celebrity Impersonator?.

Of course, Kobe Bryant showed perfect timing by bitching about his lack of support just as James is blowing up. I wouldn't call James' supporting cast as stellar. The only interesting part of Drew Gooden's game is his bizarre hairstyle. Donyell Marshall sucks. I thought Ilguaskas had less mobility than an amputee until I saw a video of a one legged basketball player and realized I had overestimated Ilguaskas' mobility. Rookie Daniel Gibson looks like a keeper, but he only proved he can hit a wide open shot as opponents triple team James. James does have an advantage in playing in the piss poor East, but he has the disadvantage of playing for an idiot like Mike Brown. I wouldn't pick Cleveland to beat the Spurs, but I hope it happens. I guess it's possible if Steve Javie decides he really doesn't want the Spurs to win and Cleveland shoots twice as many free throws as San Antonio while the Spurs get five technical fouls called on them in one game by the same official during a pivotal game.

The other big NBA news was Billy Donovan taking the Orlando Magic job and then turning around and going back to the University of Florida. I was planning on discussing the blind foolishness of assuming Donovan would flop in the NBA because so many other college coaches did when they made the jump. Names like Rick Pitino, John Calipari, Lon Kruger, Tim Floyd and Leonard Hamilton were thrown around. Well, there's a big difference. Floyd was the only one who didn't take over a team that had been lousy the year before. His case was even worse as the championship Bulls got rid of all their good players after Michael Jordan retired (for the second time). Oh, and Leonard Hamilton was a mediocre college coach so I don't know why anyone expected success at the next level. Donovan would have been taking over a playoff team (albeit in a weaker conference) with a rising star in Dwight Howard and lots of salary cap space. So, I wouldn't necessarily think he would fail.

Of course, that doesn't matter anymore as Donovan waffled and finally decided he wants back in college (unresolved at this point, but looks like Orlando will let him go). What surprises me (although it shouldn't considering how poorly I think of sportswriters) is the lack criticism Donovan is getting nationally for this. Jay Bilas did say that he was being "unprofessional", and Orlando writers are pissed, but for the most part the response has been that Donovan struggled with leaving and followed his heart back to the Gators. Sorry, not buying it. It's not just unprofessional. It's downright crap behavior. He didn't just agree to the job. He signed a contract and had a big welcoming party. I'm also not buying his suck-ups saying that Donovan felt "pressured" by Orlando to take the job. That's pure BS. He had all the leverage. If he said he needed a week, I have little doubt that Orlando would have given it to him. They wanted the big publicity splash hiring him would have given them (and did up until now). It really rings hollow once you realize that he was sending out feelers weeks ago. And not just for Orlando, but other NBA teams. He should have been prepared to jump to the NBA or not.

Sadly Donovan won't lose much money and can actually use this to his benefit because rumor is that Orlando (pushed by the NBA) will ask that he agree not to take go after an NBA job for five years as part of a settlement to get out of the Magic contract. Now, Donovan can tell recruits that he can't jump to the NBA. However, he screwed one of his friends and former assistants. Anthony Grant, presently head coach at VCU, was all set to take the Florida job, except the offer never came because Donovan changed his mind. Unfortunately for Grant, he pretty much told recruits and players he was leaving. Now, he has to rebuild those bridges. The Magic was really screwed. They had used the publicity of the hire to get a bunch of new season ticket holders. Now, they look like chumps. Even worse, they are delayed (and possibly defeated) in going after their next choice in Stan Van Gundy. According to Charles Barkley, he's the better looking Van Gundy which is sadly true, because even though he looks like a Ron Jeremy stand-in (at least from the waist up; the rest I don't know about), his brother Jeff is really not attractive.

Ironically, I personally believe Stan Van Gundy may have been a better choice. While I discount the "college coach can't make it in the NBA" rule, I'm not convinced Donovan is that great of a coach. I saw one writer name him the third best college coach ever after John Wooden and Mike Krzyzewski. Another said he was a cinch to win five titles. Get a grip, people. He does have three Final Four appearances which means he's a good coach, but he's been real lucky to get two championships. It's unheard of anymore for a championship team to return completely intact the way his did this year. Let's look at his non-Final Four years. After going to Final Four in 2000, he couldn't even make it out of the first weekend of the next five tournaments, and that was with some big time recruiting classes. Can you imagine Krzyzewksi going five years without making it to the Sweet Sixteen? Or Roy Williams? Hell, Lute Olson and Jim Boeheim (not to mention a lot of others) never went five years without making it out of the second round. Two years ago, anyone saying Donovan was a top three active coach, let alone all time, would have been derided as an idiot.

As for Van Gundy, I think he's very underrated. I still think Pat Riley is a scumbag for dumping the Miami Heat on Van Gundy when they didn't have any good players, but then making him quit so Riley could take over again after Van Gundy got them good again. Riley left after a 25 win season. Van Gundy wins 42 games his first year. In his second, the Heat add Shaquille O'Neal and win 59 games for the best record in the East. They lost in seven games in the conference finals with Dwyane Wade playing hurt. So, what happens? Riley makes Van Gundy quit so he can win the title the next year (with a worse record) as a healthy Wade dominates before age and infirmities cause the Heat to flop this year. So, in a nutshell, Donovan and Riley are dicks, and Stan Van Gundy is underrated (Jeff Van Gundy isn't too swift). In fact, I hope Florida misses the NCAA tournament next year.