Planet Sherman

Sex, Politics & Weiners

2011-06-12T20:56:00.048-04:00

Ah, those politicians and their inability to keep it in their pants. Some big sex scandals. Let's jump right in with Arnold Schwarzenegger. Now, I guess you could say this isn't really a political scandal as much as Hollywood decadence. After all, Arnold fathered an illegitimate child with the maid fourteen years ago. Long before he became governor of California. Then he was out of office (and apparently out of politics) when it came out what had happened. But I think I'll talk about it anyway because the woman he knocked up was kind of ugly. Which leads to fun discussions about the fact that apparently those are the kind of women that Arnold liked. Ugly chicks. Because he doesn't want to chance them being prettier than he is. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. I think it was less because they were easier and so flattered enough to be boned by a wealthy, famous person that they were willing to keep it a secret. After all, this woman hid a love child for over a decade. And continued to be his maid when she could have earned some boucoup child support.

That said, I don't quite have much respect for Arnold anymore. I wasn't surprised this came out. After all, there have been rumors about him for a long time. A man seen as a serial groper would also seem the type to bang the maid, impregnate her and do nothing about it. And I'm not really buying the story that Arnold was unaware until Maria Shriver figured it out. There seemed to be a bit of a resemblance. So at the very least, he should have strongly suspected. Should have suspected enough to maybe ask. Would that have been too hard? Shriver and everyone else had an excuse to be in denial, but Arnold had a little more info on it. Namely, he knew he was banging the maid. And let's look at the scenario. You're doing the Mexican maid with the Mexican husband. She turns up pregnant. The boy has blonde hair and blue eyes just like an Austrian child might have. Just like you. And even though the boy is around quite a bit, you never suspect? Nope. Not gonna believe it. If Arnold never asked, it's because he didn't want to know. And that is why he has lost my respect (which I'm sure is crushing him). If he had any inkling (and he had to have) that child was his, he should taken responsibility for it. For God's sake, at least stop making the mother of your child be your actual maid.

Now, I don't care for children. They are disgusting creatures that cost money and don't really produce any economic benefit. Well at least for me. But, that child is about the only I feel sorry for in the whole saga. Well, Arnold's other kids are bystanders who have to suffer the family embarrassment. Actually, I'm kind of glad the maid continued working for the last fourteen years. Something wrong with being monetarily rewarded for sleeping with a married man. I can't even feel sorry for Maria Shriver. There have been too many stories and rumors for her to act like she didn't suspect his infidelity. And defend him to the last breath in his gubernatorial race which makes me believe she was okay as long as he was going to get political power in California. Then it blew up in their face. But why should she have been surprised about it. She's a Kennedy (and made her career off that). That is a family almost proud of their caddish behavior with women. Only an idiot like Rosie O'Donnell would think Arnold doesn't fit in with that Kennedy legacy. Arnold may have been boning the help, but unlike Shriver's cousin Michael, he didn't start when she was 14. But you might point out a person can't choose their family, but I was about to vomit every time I read a news excerpt that mentioned her recent rough times included the death of her "beloved" uncle Ted. Yeah. Old Uncle Teddy. He knew how to treat women right. Drown 'em.

Actually, the most fun with this type of story is they do news roundups on the all day news stations and need filler so they show clips from other news shows. Not real I consider The View a news story but I caught a clip of Barbara Walters asking why men can't keep their pants zipped up. Would that be the same Barbara Walters who once had an affair with a married man? A married man who also happened to be a sitting Senator? I think she should be able to answer that question pretty easily. Because sluts like her put out for them.

But the Schwarzenegger story came out pretty quickly and then kind of died since he was out of office and had no immediate projects. But then came Anthony Weiner. I was so sad when he resigned over this because he was truly the gift that kept on giving. A college coed gets a picture of an underwear-clad erect penis sent from a Congressman's twitter account which he follows with a post that he was hacked. The regular media report it as a hacking even though Weiner does not go to the authorities about this federal crime because he doesn't want to waste the police's time. Others don't think that isn't the real reason (not helped when Weiner is willing to waste the police's time running off a reporter). Weiner says he is done talking about it. Then he really begins to talk about it. Always smart to lose your cool and call a reporter a jackass. I love that video clip. The best part how Weiner refuses to give a simple yes/no answer, but keeps trying to tell this analogy about hecklers in a crowd (I bet he spent at least two hours in front of a mirror the night before practicing that exact speech as a default answer to any question). I think he got mad because after all that hard work, they correctly understood it was irrelevant to the question of whether or not a married Congressman was sending dic-pics to college girls and wanted a real answer.

Then he is forced to admit it because as it always seems to happen when a sex story breaks (think Tiger Woods), more women come out of the woodwork. With more than a simple underwear shot. Some was pretty explicit. And so soon after his marriage. Even then he didn't want to resign. Probably because he has no skills or ability for gainful employment that doesn't include political connections. Which may be as pathetic as sending dick pics across twitter. But he eventually resigned. And the best part of that article is reading that Bill Clinton is livid at Weiner's behavior. Seriously? Bill Clinton? Mad at someone messing around on his wife? But what may have made Weiner resign? You may want to scroll down in his initial press conference admitting to his deeds. Where he says the women were all of age - "at least to the best of my knowledge." Well, except that 17 year old high school girl that Weiner was sending direct messages to. Oh, they all say there was nothing explicit in the messages. Sure, because Weiner would never do anything reckless like that. But the fact that he was emailing a high schooler was a bit too much. So he resigned.

What made this most interesting to me was how the press behaved. I have seen many people (usually celebs or sports people) who put something indelicate on their twitter feed and them claim they were hacked. No one ever believed them. Yet, when Weiner said it, it was taken as gospel. Or they attacked Andrew Breitbart for reporting it (Cenk Uygur was my favorite because it was all so wrong). I even saw some reporters on a roundtable saying the fact that Breitbart first reported the twitter pic was a reason not to report on it. Sorry. That's complete crap. The moment Weiner tweeted that he had been hacked, there was a story there. Either a congressman was sending pictures of his junk to college girls online or a congressman's account was hacked. Both would be stories.

But once it became obvious that something was going on, we got the excuses. The first was "It's his personal life, so it doesn't matter as long as he does a good job. And we only reported on Republican sex scandals because they were hypocrites unlike Democrats who don't preach family values." Well, a good job is subjective but for all the talk about Weiner being a rising star, he wasn't known for much legislatively. I follow politics as much as anyone so I knew who he was, but not for any piece of legislation that he pushed. Even his wiki page lists some things he was for, but he didn't sponsor or write the big stuff. Well, except trying to get more supermodels to work in New York. That's important work there. Weiner's value to his party was based on him being an ass. He could rant and rave on the floor of Congress or rip Republicans on news shows and get away with it because he's a New Yorker and they're rude anyway. But that's why Democrats finally told him to go. He was useless to them. After getting caught doing this, who is going to take him seriously after that? And no hypocrisy? Yeah. I remember all those ads the Democrats ran opposing family values. Anthony Weiner's campaign bio listed "cybersexing with strange women I meet online." And his wedding vows ended with "and I promise to only commit adultery with women I meet online and won't start until next month" (and for those who believe it's not adultery, try running it past a divorce judge because it counts). I'd be pissed if I was a Democrat. Because they seem so grumpy, but also because the press is telling them that they are immoral. All Congressmen play up their happy family image. And they don't have a private life. Not in this sense anyway. If their constituents are okay with sexual indiscretions, that's fine. I personally find it rather bizarre that I'm being told that a member of Congress is being held to a lower level of behavior than I would expect from a local school principal. But that's up to them. However, telling me it's not a story is crap. I want to know if my Congressman is messing around like this.

After all, if doing a few porno movies means you can't teach anymore, then why should you be a Congressman? Teaching means you can screw up five or six classes worth of people a year, but a Congressman can screw up a lot more. Actually I don't see a problem with former porn people teaching at the lower levels of education which may seem counter intuitive. As I've said before, elementary school children shouldn't even know what that means. Obviously at the high school level, how much respect can a high school teacher get if her students know she did porn? None. Plus, you've got a bunch of horny high school students thinking their teacher is willing to sleep with anyone. Which I think I said before when this woman was fired from a school in Kentucky five years ago. But I can't find it on the blog. Must have been on the fantasy football website with all the naked pictures I used to run.

Speaking of porn, this is a sad tale. Well, maybe not sad. Pretty pathetic actually. The girl from some show called Teen Mom has been offered a role in a porno movie. The moment I saw this story, I said it was sad and despicable. Well, first I thought "what the hell is Teen Mom?". Then I thought sad and despicable. Well, after I saw the picture of the girl. Who would want to watch that?

And finally, one last porn story. Chyna wants to do another movie. Enjoy your dinner after hearing that.

Ah, Libya and other stuff

2011-05-29T22:08:00.052-04:00

I kind of ignored the Libya story because while it has some amusing moments (for example, Barack Obama has launched more cruise missiles than any other Nobel Peace Prize winner), there really didn't seem to be much to it. For all the problems with Libya, it is a jerkwater craphole even by middle eastern standards. As much as I like the idea of Khadafy catching a bullet, I didn't really care that getting involved was complete amateur hour (mostly by the Europeans), but now we have the mission creep where helicopters are being engaged. That means this isn't just a cost issue, helicopters are much easier targets. We could start seeing allies getting killed and if the helicopters don't work, next step could be ground troops. This whole situation has been handled ridiculously. Look at the quote where Obama says we're going to "finish the job", but we don't even know what the job is. We want him to go but every time we hit a location he may be at, we're told that killing him isn't a goal. Well, that's just stupid. Say what you will about Bush and Iraq, at least he let it be known that we were there to eliminate Saddam Hussein. Because unlike Obama and Cameron and Sarkozy, he probably noticed that a no fly zone didn't do squat about eliminating Hussein. They actually thought this was going to be short. And obviously it isn't. It's been proven over time that it's really hard to bust a dictator loose just with some bombing. Unless you have a solid ground force, he'll just wait you out. And the Libyan rebels have proven to be less than stellar soldiers even with NATO bombings. Which means the NATO bombings could have actually made things worse. The rebels aren't strong enough to beat Khadafy's forces and he's not able to finish them off. Now Libya is in a civil war which is could get bloodier the longer it goes on.

So why did we get involved? Well, they said to protect civilians. That was a joke then because there was no evidence that civilians were being massacred. Or massacred to a surprising level. This is the Middle East. Killing civilians is a hobby. Now, we're being told Obama and David Cameron would like us to think that they are supporting Arab uprisings but a bunch of dead Syrians may disagree. This happened for two reasons. One is oil. Surprise, surprise. All that criticism in the past about wars for oil and it's Obama who gets involved in one that is truly about oil. But it's not oil for the US. It's for England and France. They screwed up. France and England jumped in early and opposed Khadafy. Then the Arab League was all for it until they weren't. Of course the French and British were for it. They took the opposition side when they were on the outskirts of Tripoli. Gee, I wonder if it was because they thought Khadafy was going down and they wanted to get in good with the future rulers because getting oil from Libya is a short (cheaper) trip. But they were stupid. Khadafy hadn't used his mercenary army or air force. Suddenly Libyan government forces were kicking around the rebels. And Khadafy was talking about shipping oil anywhere but France or England. Gee, wonder if that had anything to do with the sudden desire to get rid of him. The other reason is they did it is because they thought it would be easy. Libya isn't Iran or Syria (who is allied with Iran) who are doing pretty much the same thing to their civilians (guess Syrian civilians rate lower than Libyan civilians). The rebels had been on the outskirts of Tripoli. No one outside of Venezuela and some poor African countries he gave money to liked Khadafy. The Arabs opposed him (although that diplomatic coup was based on Khadafy once trying to kill the Saudi Crown Prince). Easy? Not quite. Let's not be too stupid here. Khadafy has no incentive to leave. The only countries that would take him in are other poor jerkwater countries. He knows they might eventually sell him to the International Criminal Court.

But if the rebels win, isn't it worth it? Good chance it isn't. One of the biggest concerns has been that we don't know who we're dealing with among the rebels no matter how many people want to call them "pro-democracy". We have no idea if that is true or not. We do know some things about them. They like to summarily execute captured soldiers which may not be a good thing. Oh, and one of their military leaders was once held at Guantanamo after being captured in Pakistan. But no concerns. We've known for years that the rebel strongholds were actually one of the top recruiting grounds for al Qaeda in Iraq. Ooops. Of course the reaction to the Arab uprisings by diplomats in the West has been laughably naive. They really seem to think because the protests are against thuggish dictators that they are being led by pro democracy liberals. Sorry. Not the case. Just because Hosni Mubarak was a dick doesn't mean his absence is a good thing. Guess who is aligning themselves with the military rulers in Egypt and is considered the best organized political group in Egypt? If you said the very anti-western Muslim Brotherhood, you win a falafel. And it doesn't appear that the military is all that reform minded to begin with. Might explain the upsurge in anti-Christian attacks in Egypt. But it's not just Egypt. A lot of people think Iran is behind a lot of the protests in Bahrain. But I'm sure Iran has the best of intentions. It gets even better in Yemen. There is a possibility that al Qaeda could end up in control there. Wouldn't that be awesome.

I'm sure some might think that having an Islamic government isn't a big problem. Some sound thinking there. In Saudi Arabia, a woman was arrested for driving a car. Then re-arrested for posting a video about it. The scary thing is the ruling monarchy is actually one of the more moderate elements there. But some might argue that Saudi Arabia isn't a good example because of how Islamic it is. It's not a moderate Islamic country like ........say Indonesia. Nothing says moderate like caning a woman for "being in close proximity" to a man. No word on whether she drove to meet him.

Here is a heart warming tale about a man letting a 10 year old girl drive his car. Because he was apparently too drunk to which means he was sort of responsible. In a half assed way. Too bad it all fell apart when the car was hit by a train. Don't worry. No injuries. Obviously the man was totally irresponsible here. Letting a woman drive his car. What was he thinking?

But is 10 years old too young for a push up bra? Not if she's shopping Abercrombie & Fitch. Although in their defense, they don't sell the ones for 7 year olds anymore. At least not on their website. I'm not sure which is worse. That the company thought it was a good idea to sell something like that. Or the fact that it took people complaining to remove it. Which means idiots were buying these for their kids.

Ah, a story from my youth. A story about that poster of a woman playing tennis and lifting her skirt to show her butt. I remember it well. We would go into Spencer's Gifts just to see it. Probably where my perverted behavior all began.

I'm sure some might see me as being overly critical about the foreign policy direction of our country. And you would be right. But Obama did one good thing in the midst of all the stupid. He approved a mission to kill Osama Bin Laden. I'll give him credit for that, but it became absurd the level his flunkies in the media went in lionizing him by saying it was a "gutsy call". The most pathetic was the woman who essentially claimed Obama was just as brave in authorizing it as the guys who actually went in on the job. Seriously? Comparing a potential political embarrassment to flying into an armed compound with the potential to get killed? Actually the only reason this was considered "gutsy" is because of who the President is. I can't think of any President who would not have made this decision. Believe it or not, there were other special forces raids into Pakistan predating Obama. The fact is Barry is the only one that there was any doubt about doing it.

And the aftermath of the whole raid shows just what a bunch of clowns are part of the national security apparatus now. Everything was done wrong. They were in such a hurry to get the story out that they couldn't even get it right. Which caused them to look stupid as they backtracked to tell what really happened. There was conflicting reports about whether or not we'd get to see the photo of his body. How do you not make that decision beforehand? Here's a thought. Why not hold off making the announcement for........even a week. He's dead. That's not going to change. Get your story straight. Make sure every question can be answered. Maybe get the Pakistanis on board with your story so they don't rush headlong into the arms of China. Then we can't even dump the body in the sea correctly. Supposedly it was done in proper Islamic fashion (who cares? I would have dump his body in a pig sty and let the hogs eat him) even though it wasn't. And it was done to make sure there wasn't a grave for radicals to make a pilgrimage to, and that's working about as well as expected. But we also got a lot of intelligence information. We know because they couldn't wait to announce how many thumb drives and laptops (and porn) were found. Guess they never thought keeping that a secret would be a good idea. Maybe we could waited a little longer than a week to announce his death to go through this treasure trove of data. I doubt al Qaeda was going to immediately announce his death, and as decentralized as they had become, it would have taken time to get everyone notified. Maybe time to find and kill them too. But I'm sure they didn't stay around their hideawaysafter watching CNN.

NFL Draft - Round One Live Blog (plus other crap)

2011-04-28T20:04:00.025-04:00

We're getting ready to. Carolina has their pick in early. Of course, that's not surprising. They've known since the end of the season that they'd have this pick. Well, longer than that. They were crappy all year. First pick isn't that surprising either. They took Cam Newton. I think he'll be a bust. Not really a bust. I think he'll have career, but I'm not buying him as a superstar. Not accurate enough and I'm not sure he's got the willingness to work at getting better. But the good news is that with Newton's next signing bonus, the government will actually get its cut. Unlike the one from Auburn boosters, this one won't be in a duffle bag and will be taxable.

The Broncos take LB Von Miller. This will probably be the oddest moment of the draft. He got choked up after being announced and took his sweet time going up on stage. I thought maybe he didn't want meet the commish since.........well, he's suing the league over the labor unrest. Actually, I'm quite confused why he's even at the draft if that is the case. But then he went and hugged Goodell like he was his long lost father (even though they looked nothing alike). Probably stole his wallet.

Non-football Story Alert - Ah Boston. Land of the perpetually stupid. They are banning the selling of coke on city property. Not cocaine (that's probably still okay). Sodas and other drinks with sugar. Because they make people fat and cause health problems and banning them will save money in the long run. Well, no it won't. Not city money anyway. I'll clue you in on something. People who want to drink cokes can bring them in with them. People will leave the park and go to a convenience store and get a coke. That means money made from concessions and vending machines will be a lot less. And people will still be fat.

The Bills took someone. I wasn't really paying much attention since all their first round picks don't do much. It's only because of the absolute disaster that Detroit consistently produces with their early picks that the Bills have not been properly recognized for their own ineptitude. And then the Bengals take AJ Green. I liked AJ Green. Damned shame he went there. But I'm sure he's excited for the beginning of the Jordan Palmer Era. Then Arizona grabs CB Patrick Peterson out of LSU. There was some surprise that Arizona took him since they weren't seen as needing a cornerback. Yeah, that bottom 10 pass defense certainly wouldn't need that.

Alright. Atlanta traded up to get Julio Jones out of Alabama. I remember when he was on Sanford and Son. Then the 49ers draft some guy named Aldon Smith. No word if he's related to Aldo Nova.

Jake Locker just went 10th? That's a lot higher than I would have thought. Which led to Jon Gruden telling us how much he loves Locker. But for someone who hated everyone he coached, Gruden now thinks everyone is great. Oh, and it also led to Adam Schefter discussing how far the next QB in line, Blaine Gabbert, will fall. In the course of his soliloquy, Schefter referred to Gabbert by his full name about eight times. Because no one would have know which Blaine or Gabbert he was talking about if he'd shortened it.

Non-football Story Alert - Sometimes mothers can be a pain in the ass. An Italian babe was sunbathing topless and since she didn't want to get a burn, she began rubbing lotion on her apparently massive knockers (damn you news media for not getting the pictures we all want). Some wench went and complained to the cops because her boys (12 and 14) were "troubled" by seeing that. Is that what they call boners these days? Sad day when hot chicks can't rub their boobs in front of me.

Uh oh. Dallas just took a sensible pick. No nonsense offensive lineman. Although with their scouting, they'll move him to left tackle and find out later that he should be at the less valuable right tackle position. Uh oh. Schefter's great freefall of (Blaine) Gabbert ended two picks later (#10) as Jacksonville traded up to get Gabbert. And Gruden didn't understand it because he loves Gabbert but he also loves Jacksonville's present starter David Garrard. Obviously, Gruden never had Garrard on his fantasy roster.

Texans take some white guy for the defensive line. Nick Fairley is still waiting after being projected as a possible number one pick. I'm sure he will use that as motivation. He'll probably take a cheap shot at the usher who comes to lead him up on stage. Personally I hope he keeps dropping which isn't surprising. For all his talent, his intangibles are consistently listed as "dirty player who doesn't give maximum effort". Except when he's blind siding someone five seconds after he passed the ball. HOLY CRAP!!!!!!! CHRISTIAN PONDER WITH THE 12TH PICK?

Non-football Story Alert - What is it with Europeans and boobs these days? First the whiny woman bitching about the topless bather. Then a French mayor wants to take down a statue of Marianne (not real clear who she is; probably a prostitute) because she was designed with oversized boobage. And exactly what is wrong with that I say.

Ah, Detroit takes Fairley. That was nice of them. Then St. Louis takes Robert Quinn out of UNC after a season he had to sit out because of an NCAA suspension. Sweet. On a related note, having 58 (give or take a few) draft prospects at the show doesn't enhance the draft process at all. I don't really want to see them hug a bunch of people and run up on stage. But the part that sucks is you see them on the phone before the pick is officially made so there is no suspense when the commish actually reads off his name. More clips, less hugging. Because there's no one hear to hug me.

Heart warming story about Mark Ingram. He's very close to his dad. Who is in jail for money laundering. And his dad is doing extra time because he jumped bail to watch his son play a football game. And Suzy Kolber is saying she got an email from dad at the federal pen to give to his son. Probably asking for some smokes because that's like cash. But Ingram must wait. The Dolphins went o-line and took Mike Pouncey whose twin is the center for the Steelers. I was more interested in seeing the chick in the tight Dolphins jersey in the upper deck.

Off to make some jiffy pop.

Ate some popcorn while watching a handful of guys go. The only one I found interesting was Prince Amukamara (or something like that) to the Giants. I wasn't sure he should have been so highly rated at cornerback. I watched him get lit up by Oklahoma State. Personally I like the corner from Colorado, Jimmy Smith, who probably still won't be there when the Steelers draft. Although they probably wouldn't take him. I heard he fails drug tests.

Non-football Story Alert - Guy loses his credit card. Another guy finds it. Guy who finds it decides to use it to buy pizza. Even though he was worth millions and had a few hundred bucks in his wallet. Some people are just dicks.

I like Peyton Hillis, but how did he win a vote for the Madden cover? Well, I know how he won. It came down between him and Michael Vick who is still hated out there. But how did he make the final round?

Cute. The Colts take some o-lineman who wasn't even at the draft. He is pretty dorky looking. Perfect running mate for Peyton Manning. Was pretty cool how the girl next to him didn't realize the camera was back on them as she was shoving her thumb down her dress to fix her bra.

Ironic. After the pundits talked up the Ravens organization as being great at the draft, the Ravens miss their pick. Berman tried to excuse them by saying they were attempting to trade with the Bears. But I remember in the 2003 draft, the Vikings were widely ridiculed because they had to pass on their first round pick. In that case, their trade partner agreed to the deal, but decided time was running out and didn't call the NFL to inform them or the Vikings. So, I find this ironic because their trade partner at the time was............the Ravens. I'm kind of pissed now because finding that link forced me to read Len Pasquarelli who is a smugly arrogant bitch. More irony is the Vikings were ridiculed for losing out on Ryan Sims to have to take Bryant McKinnie one year and then had to take Kevin Williams the next year as other teams grabbed Byron Leftwich and Jordan Gross. Well, Sims was a bust while McKinnie has been a solid starter at left tackle for the Vikings. Leftwich has mostly been a backup. Gross has been a solid tackle but Williams has been to six Pro Bowls in that time.

Damn. The Ravens took Jimmy Smith.

Since the Jets are picking, lets look back at their last season. The Steelers shut them up in the playoffs and we found out after the season that Mark Sanchez was schtupping a 17 year old. Carry on.

Hey, the Steelers drafted Ironbutt Heyward's son out of Ohio State. Then the Packers took an offensive tackle to finish out the round. And Jon Gruden loved every one of them. They will all be stars.

Dirty Mormon Sex & Other Stories

2011-03-07T19:45:00.021-05:00

Just when we get to the stretch run for college basketball, the big story is about a BYU basketball player getting a little nookie. Brandon Davies was the leading rebounder and third leading scorer for BYU, and then he was suspended for the rest of the year for boning his girlfriend. Which is against the honor code and which has caused some controversy over whether or not the honor code isn't some archaic blast from the past. My take? The school can take whatever action they want, and Davies signed up for it so too damned bad for him. Although the story is Davies confessed, but it hasn't come out if he just blurted it out or was turned in by someone else and admitted it afterwards. So, there is a certain weirdness about a school for adults investigating a student's private sex life. And of course it's archaic and unrealistic. Signing a no sex pledge at an age when you're a walking erection with low impulse control is easy to do, but hard to maintain. If any basketball or football player worth a crap asked my opinion of playing at BYU (and of course they wouldn't), I'd call them an idiot for even considering it. If you want to live a chaste and wholesome life, you can do that anywhere as long as you stick to it. You don't need a signed statement with your school for that. The difference is that BYU will suspend you from basketball for a non-criminal mistake. Davies is considered the next best pro prospect from BYU after the weirdly named Jimmer Fredette. He's probably a borderline player, but I've seen a lot of borderline players have a great NCAA tournament and suddenly show up in the first round. Which won't happen to Davies because he won't be playing. Bet he wishes he'd stuck to playing with himself.

Now, what I find especially interesting about this whole situation is how many sports pundits have jumped up and taken BYU's side by essentially saying how great it is that a school will put its honor code above winning. Yawn. Sportswriters are so predictable. They rip into schools for putting too much emphasis on winning, and then rip them for losing too much when they do put emphasis on things besides winning. Of course, it makes it easier to cheer for BYU dumping a player and hurting their chances in the NCAA tournament when it's BYU. Most sportswriters don't want to go to Ogden, Utah to cover a BYU basketball team. But what is most hypocritical about all this support is they keep leaving out a big chunk of the BYU honor code. Namely that you can claim to be gay, but if you show it in any way, you're breaking the honor code. I just have this feeling that if Davies were suspended for admitting to walking around campus holding hands with some dude that he loved, those same sportswriters might be a little harsher on BYU. In fact, I have a feeling you'd have to go far and wide to find any sports writer defending them.

I've had more than a few people say I need psychiatric help. But maybe I'll start with some nude therapy. Some chick in New York hosts one hour therapy sessions for $150 a pop (insert your own joke here) where she takes her clothes off during that time. Oh, and she's not licensed. She does it as a hobby. And often online. So, her online hobbies involve female nakedness as much as mine. Sounds like she's just an exhibitionist who thinks she's too high class for chatroulette. Oh, and she probably wouldn't make $150 an hour there. And would have to deal with nasty naked guys too. Or so I've heard.

Some Republicans want to cut funding for public broadcasting and NPR. About damned time. Why would any Republican vote to subsidize NPR when it is incredibly hostile to your party? Oh, of course the pantywaist liberals will accuse them of trying to "kill Big Bird". But that's a level of stupidity that only a retarded person would believe. To begin with, as Jim DeMint points out, any organization that can pay its execs hundreds of thousands of dollars can survive without being stuck on the federal teat. But even if they can't, so what? Sesame Street will. I worked in a toy store that had a whole aisle devoted to that show. With 8 billion other channels out there (give or take a few), Sesame Street would find a place to land if PBS disappeared. Besides, let's look at who watches PBS. They actually brag about how rich and successful PBS viewers are. Which begs the question of why the rest of us should see our tax dollars (or money borrowed from China) being used so these snooty bastards can watch public television? This is nothing but a subsidy for the rich. And they're snobbier than Hell about it. I remember some years back, the public radio station in Louisville bragged in an ad about how they had the fewest Big Red drinkers of any radio station in a listener survey. Which stations had the most Big Red drinkers? Hip hop and country. So, the elites want the money of the unsophisticated crackers and homeboys, but thank God they don't listen to NPR and sully those listener surveys.

Ah, this is funny. If you try to claim asylum in the Czech Republic for being gay, they'll hook you up to a "peter meter" to see if your willie gets up watching gay porn. But since they also check to see if regular porn does it for you too, I may just claim asylum if I ever visit the Czech Republic just to see if they got some good pornography.

Oh, darn. The electric cars aren't selling. Why anyone is surprised is beyond me. I have nothing against electric cars. If they ever make them efficient and practical, I think it's a good thing. Too bad these pieces of crap go about 60 miles and die. They're not going to sell in this country until they get better battery life. You might notice a lot of people live in non-urban areas. Plus, for someone like me, it's pointless. I live in an apartment. Am I supposed to run an extension cord out the bedroom window to the parking lot? Not while living in the barrio of Lexington I won't. And these cars are too expensive anyway. Even with a government subsidy, the Volt will still be well over $30K meaning that much like NPR, the government money is a subsidy for the rich. It would be nice to think that the price will come down when they make more electric cars. Except the batteries are lithium and there could be issues with supply for that. Under the law of supply and demand, the less supply you have in relation to demand causes prices to rise. Our government doesn't understand that. Gas prices keep going up because of fears that a bunch of Arabs killing each other will disrupt oil supplies. But our own government is trying to restrict our ability to produce our own oil supplies. Apparently they aren't aware that adding domestically produced oil will stabilize the price of oil and lower gas prices. Or maybe they are aware and just don't care.

Speaking of Arabs killing people, it's nice to see that the revolution in Egypt is ending in peace and harmony. And dead Christians. Glad I haven't blogged about this all leading to problems recently.

But let us get back to cars. Up in New York, some yahoos were doing about 145 mph while drag racing on the expressway. They jumped off to avoid the cops. One drove into a gas pump and burned up his car. That would have been a fairly interesting story. Then I read that car was a Dodge Neon. A Dodge Neon was doing 145 mph? Unless it was really a Dodge SRT-4, I'll only believe it got that fast driving over a cliff.

But this driving story is a lot more fun. A guy in Louisville got pulled over and charged with a DUI, but he had a novel excuse why he was weaving. He wasn't drunk. He was getting a hummer from his female passenger. I tend to believe him. He only blew a .054 which is below the legal limit. It doesn't say what his passenger blew. Besides him.

Oh, here's a good one. Some airline in Australia fired a steward for putting a year and a half old child into the overhead compartment and closing it. I was surprised at the firing because I've always advocated that children should be put up there on all flights. But it really got good seeing that she said "I was devastated. I was absolutely devastated. I was crying. My husband was in shock. For days on end, I was crying." Did the child suffocate while he was up there? Was he up there the entire flight? He was up there "for up to 10 seconds." Meaning 10 seconds was the maximum. Now this ignorant woman is taking him to see all kinds of "specialists". Do any do nude therapy? Seriously. Is this woman deranged? The kid was in the dark for 10 seconds. He's Australian. Which means he is descended from convicts. I'm sure he's tougher than that. If he's got emotional problems, it isn't from being in the dark for a few seconds. It's because his mom is a psychopath.

Here's a story I've been saving for awhile. A federal judge in Georgia is apparently the Charlie Sheen of the judicial system. He was buying coke and other drugs to snort with a stripper. That's just tacky. Give her the money. Make her buy the drugs. You just can't trust strippers these days. So sad. And dangerous. Some guy in Miami won $650K for getting poked in the eye by a stripper's high heel shoe. Not sure what he wanted her to do, but I prefer they rub someone softer in my face.

Unrest in the Middle East & Charlie Sheen. Are they related?

2011-02-28T21:12:00.030-05:00

Big news in the Middle East. Lots of protest have already brought down regimes in Tunisia and Egypt. Libya is pretty much in a civil war. Yemen is close. Bahrain is having some troubles. It seems some people have suddenly realized they have lived for years under autocratic regimes. Oh, and ethanol production has led to higher food prices which caused rioting in those regions. Too bad no one ever thought making the connection between ethanol subsidies and food prices. But we've got revolution and a lot of people seem to like that. Viva la revolution or something. Nice in theory. But while I have no love for Hosni Mubarak and would dearly love to see Moammar Gadhafi-Qaddafi-Khadafy have his intestines stretched across the street, be careful what you wish for. Know who else likes revolution in the Middle East? Al-qaeda. Sure, in Libya, who cares. Can't get much worse than Khadafy Duck, but Egypt is another story. It's much larger and the most organized opposition to Mubarak was the Muslim Brotherhood which despite some fools saying it's a secular organization, the Muslim Brotherhood may not lead to the the free society envisioned. Sure, it's easy to say that the revolt in Egypt is the "youths", but just because they are leading it doesn't mean they'll keep it. After all, Khomeini in Iran and the Taliban in Afghanistan were just part of a larger anti-government group, but both gained control and turned their country into a third world Islamic theocracy.

Ah, Charlie Sheen. Is there nothing he can't do? Drug fueled rampage with a porn star in New York? Check. Attempt to start a porn family? Check. More porn stars and a suitcase of coke leading to a funny Taiwanese animated news story (that poor teddy bear)? Check. Blowing off rehab to take your ex-wife, new girlfriend and another porn actress on a cruise? Check. Get your highly paid gig shut down early because you went on an insane rant against your bosses? Check. Challenge your producer to a MMA fight and have another MMA fighter threaten to kick your ass? Check. And then it gets better. Sheen gives interviews. Which was his finest moment? Saying crack is okay if you can "manage it socially"? Calling on his fans to "walk with me side-by-side as we march up the steps of justice"? Telling ABC that "I'm on a drug; it's called Charlie Sheen"? Nope. I think the winning interview was claiming he turned his TV show "into pure gold" and that "I got magic and I got poetry at my fingertips". Okay. Now, he's beyond delusional and just plain stupid. I've seen Two and A Half Men. It's a decent show. I don't think it's good enough to set the DVR, but I often watch it if I catch it on. It's a show where Sheen plays a misogynistic womanizer with a substance abuse problem. Boy, that's some range. I'm just waiting for my big break as a single fat guy who loves chicken wings, might have a substance abuse problem and wishes he was a womanizer. But I have magic in my wang. Besides, I've seen The Wraith and I'm not impressed that much with his acting. He's probably still pissed they killed him off early in Young Guns while letting his brother get top billing. But face it. How often does he even change expression while acting? Now, will his TV show survive without him? Probably not. Will the world be a poorer place without it? Nope. And some may think he's acting out because he's bi-polar. I disagree. He's probably just an asshole. If they want to make money off of him, they should bring the show back and run it live. People will tune in just to see if this is the week he dies on stage.

But in our never ending quest to find a replacement for the soon to be dead Sheen, we've discovered the 8 year old drunk in Scotland. Not sure why the surprise. After all, the country was named after a type of whisky (I think that's the order it went in). Apparently this child is from a family of alcoholics. But it is claimed she now has the support she needs. What? A new family? Happy tree friends? Is she already collecting welfare payments? But what's the worry? The United Kingdom is already in a buttload of trouble. I've already mentioned how a guy went on vacation for a week and squatters moved in. Well, these stories keep popping up. Here's another one where a man bought a house and a bunch of deadbeats moved in. Now he's being told it could be a couple of months before squatters can be evicted. On the first story, I thought it was utterly asinine that police said it wasn't a criminal manner because they didn't break in. How is that even rational? It's not their house. The person who has the title to it has stated that they have no right to be there. Ergo, they must have broken in to get inside there. If I leave the windows down on my car, you can't legally take the radio. But this instant takes it to a whole new level of rank European stupidity. The government is giving the shiftless maggots free legal aid to fight the eviction because they're shiftless maggots who don't have a job (and probably couldn't or wouldn't keep one if they did). Even worse, those sons of bitches have posted a notice against anyone trespassing. What the Hell is going on when a man who has made something of himself and works hard has fewer rights than some limpdick layabouts?

What the heck. How about another depravity story from the old country? A teenager tracks down his long lost dad. Finds him. Starts sleeping with his new stepmom. They break up because the situation is causing problems within the family. Then she starts seeing her stepson's best friend. Then I saw the picture of her. And thought "Really?". I guess if you find an English girl with good teeth, you hang onto her.

But can't really say that level of crass behavior is in vogue only in England. After all, it was in Phoenix that a wife of a local supervisor was arrested for having sex with a 14 year old boy. Then her adult daughter was arrested for having sex with that same boy, except he was 13 when she went after the young stuff. And in case you just assume that behavior is something yokels out in the sticks do, a professor at Columbia has been charged with incest. They keep saying with a "young relative" (heard it was his daughter), but then it says the relative was over 18 when it all started. Which makes me confused. If she was above the age of consent, how can she be a victim? Why isn't she being charged also? I smell sexism in the judicial system.

Here's a story on how far the regulatory nuts have gone in this country. The Easy-Bake Oven is going to have to change because their heating element was a 100 watt incandescent light bulb. Which have been banned beginning in 2012. Oh, they'll add some other heating element but how easy will that be to change? Besides, what the Hell business is it of the federal government whether or not I use a regular incandescent light bulb or one of those silly fluorescent (and toxic) light bulbs? I pay for my electricity. If I decide that I have to sit under enough fluorescent lights at work and want the better looking incandescent light source at home, that's my damned business. Rot in hell with your mercury filled lamps you regulatory bastards.

I have finally found an excuse to use when I get drunk and smash up my hotel room. I'll say I got a phone call and to save the midget locked in the next room while destroying the secret surveillance cameras. Yeah. That's what I'll do.

Some of you may be surprised to learn that I don't really care much for Michael Moore. Something about him being a low life hypocritical hack just rubs me the wrong way. What's the latest thing that makes me roll my eyes? He's bitching about rich people having money. He wants to take it. Let's start with the most laughably absurd part of his interview. The use of the word "they". As if he doesn't belong in that category. You see that money grubbing bastard already made almost $20 million off Fahrenheit 9/11, but he's now suing the Weinstein brothers for another $2.7 million. My favorite line is from Moore's attorney that an audit found "the Weinsteins had re-routed at least $2.7 million dollars that belonged to Michael Moore." See, in the interview, populist Moore says rich people's money is "not theirs.....that's ours." But in court, plaintiff Moore says those millions belong to him. Personally, I believe that if you're owed the money, you have every right to get it. The difference is that I've never railed against rich people and capitalism like this dumbass has. Oh, and the way to get that money for Moore is to do it through the tax system. Tax the rich and get their money. Which is coming from a guy who championed (and got paid) a big tax credit for making movies in Michigan. It's almost like Moore insists on things that he doesn't let happen to himself.

Earlier in this posting, I mentioned depravity in America versus Europe (leaving out the goat humping in the Middle East). Let's go head to head. In Oakland, a teacher was suspended when several second graders in her classroom just took off their clothes. Oh, and then later two of the students had oral sex with each other. Now, that seems..............well, bad. It's even worse because the teacher was there for both incidents. Which really begs the question why was she just suspended and not arrested? Granted, it's the bay area, but I was once in the second grade. I really don't remember students leading a big strip off in the classroom. But in Spain, a 10 year old girl just gave birth. Which makes sense that it wasn't a 10 year old boy. What makes this rather sad is that the girls mother said that "10 years old is not considered young in Romania." I hate to point out to her that 10 years old should be considered young for sex.............well, anywhere. Why do I see all the sex tourists changing from Thailand to Romania?

I missed this story during the football season. Mainly because it involves Duke football and I'm not sure that really exists. Apparently Duke had a "Tailgate" event set up for students. They canceled it when a teenager was found passed out drunk in a portable crapper. Personally, I laughed out loud when I read that. Come on. Does Duke's administration think removing a sanctioned event will lead to less drinking? I think the event went rather well. At least they didn't turn the port-a-can over while the person was passed out in it.

It's been a good day. First I found an excuse for trashing a hotel room. Now I have one in case I get caught trying to rub one off in front of a teenage cheerleader on a plane. I spilled tabasco sauce on my junk causing it to itch. Not sure what excuse to use for the lecherous looks and drooling but I'm sure I'll come up with something.

The Grammy stuff and other things

2011-02-20T22:10:00.033-05:00

I don't watch the Grammy Awards. Or pretty much any award show. It would get in the way of surfing dirty web sites and picking lint from my belly button. That and I find them very boring. But as a news junkie, I still see what goes on. Namely people whining about who wins what and why. This year the first big catastrophe I heard about was some jazz singer who plays a standup bass (maybe they thought she was Sting) beating out Justin Bieber and his ridiculous hair for best new artist. The next was Eminem being the heavy favorite for Album of the Year and losing to some band I've never heard of. First off, I can't figure the nomination process. I know Bieber was around two years ago and apparently the jazz singer has recorded since 2006. Yet, both were nominated for Best New Artist. But what do people really expect to happen? The voters for the Grammys are member of the National Academy of something or other. Most of them are music execs and technical staff. Justin Bieber lost because the Academy isn't made up of 14 year old girls (whether that is a plus is up to the individual reader). Now, to be fair, I did look up a Bieber video to find out what exactly his music style is. Found out it was crap and his bowling form isn't that good. So, a lot of adult industry execs like jazz over generic teeny bopper pablum? Like OMG!!! Who couldn't see that coming?

It's the same with Eminem. Just because record company people are willing to make money off of his crap doesn't mean they actually like to listen to it any more than I do. Just because a bunch of wannabe tough guys think he's "dangerous" doesn't really make his product that good. And who really thinks he's that dangerous. Of all the 'gangsta' rappers out there, he's the least threatening. Think about it. He's been caught carrying a gun twice. Unloaded. And that was during a "feud" with the Insane Clown Posse? Ah, those Eminem feuds. I guess Everlast may have the top of the heap considering his others were with his mother, his wife and Mariah Carey. I guess that's close to the Tupac Shakur and Notorious BIG feud. Eminem can't even get a good street drug addiction. Crack? Heroin? Meth? Nope. Prescription drugs. The drug of choice for middle aged mountain women. If that ain't gangsta, I don't know what is. Unless you count the commercials he was in during the Super Bowl. Brisk tea? Ooooh. And Chrysler? All the big pimps are cruising in the Sebring. Oh wait. They did away with the Sebring. And replaced it with the Chrysler 200. Which was the car Eminem was advertising. But also the city of Detroit because nothing says quality like the city of Detroit. Great line from the commercial where Detroit is referred to as "a town that has been to Hell and back." Uhm, yeah. It never made it back. Actually, Eminem and Detroit deserve each other.

Awesome hooker story. Woman travels from Michigan to Louisville to give naked massages for $250 a pop. When the vice cops ask her if she'll do anal (I guess asking for a BJ or just regular sex was too inappropriate), she said sure. For an extra $50. So, a massage is worth five times as much as buttsex? Her kiester is the Walmart of her retail enterprise.

John Stossel once did an interview with the chief of the New York teachers union, and she actually believed (or was lying, but what's the difference) that private sector employees routinely only work "six hour, 40 minute" days. Yeah, if you work fast food or retail and have a maximum limit on hours worked so you don't lose your welfare check. I thought of that when I saw all the fun in Wisconsin as the public employee unions threw a massive hissy fit as the new governor of Wisconsin pushed a bill to restrict the items that can be collectively bargained which would make it easier to make the state employees actually pay some of their health insurance premiums and contribute to their retirement. You know, like just about every private sector employee in the country does. But no, the teachers all called in sick and held a massive rally to demonize opposition (so much for the new civility) and generally make asses of themselves.

Now, I have nothing against teachers in general, but I hate to tell them that they aren't all that special. There are a lot of good teachers out there, just like there are a lot of good employees in every industry. There is also a lot of garbage pretending to teach. I went to college with a lot of people who majored in education who freely admitted they wanted to be a teacher to have summers off. But I don't know why good teachers put up with it. Unions mean that they won't be paid commiserate of their abilities. A high school physics teacher could easily be making less than a second grade teacher who has a few more years under her belt. One is teaching almost at a college level. The other spends half her time getting her charges not to wet themselves. Yeah. They should be paid the same. I'm not even convinced an elementary school teacher requires a four year degree. They could be taught all they need at a two year technical school. Personally, I don't believe any public employees should be allowed to unionize since they are negotiating with a monopoly who pays them with someone else's money. Very corrupting to see a group donate to the campaigns of people who vote on how much money they can make. But I think the teachers and other unions are going to find out they are overreaching badly. They may get a big crowd (easy to do when you bus them in) and make a lot of noise, but I guarantee you that voters who haven't received a raise in two years and fear losing their job entirely probably don't have much sympathy for people doing better than the average while working a lot fewer hours. Oh, and making those voters scramble to find babysitters because you couldn't wait until the weekend to hold your rallies isn't going to help either.

But I think my favorite part of the whole thing was the accusation that the Wisconsin governor was acting like a "dictator". And that somehow the process is undemocratic. Yeah, okay. That's very laughable. Democratic senators have fled to Illinois so they won't have to vote on it because they know they'll lose. Scott Walker was elected (you know, as part of the Democratic process) governor on this platform. Republicans also took control of both houses in the same election. Somehow, blocking a vote is democracy and following through with your vote isn't. I think there is a large group of people unclear of that concept. Besides, if this measure is so bad and unpopular, Democrats should want the Republicans to vote on it. Won't they end up being voted out of office over it if it's that bad? Yeah. Democrats and union leaders know I'm right. The support is for the bill, not against. And no amount of screaming and vote blocking is going to change that.

But as long as we're talking about teachers, I don't think I've done a teacher-bangs-student story for awhile. This one is nice because the teacher was doing five different students, mostly football players. Very supportive of the team. And it appears to be working. I looked them up and they kind of stink, but they more than doubled their win total from 2009 to 2010. Incentive based athletics if you ask me. Then there was this story that on the surface seemed a relatively common story of these situations although getting caught by the cops while flopping naked on top of a 16 year old boy in the backseat of her car was a little more titillating (ha, I said tit) than most. But that's not what makes this one special. It's the fact that as part of her job, she counseled other teacher. On how to avoid banging students. I guess she was doing some really in depth research into the subject. Or was just a whore.

Tom Brady won the NFL MVP this year. He had a good season. Probably deserved the award. But he's done. Can't call him an elite player anymore. And not just because he's looked like crap in his last three playoff appearances. But mostly because he's now the face of Uggs boots for men. I wasn't aware that they had a men's version of their ugly boots. But I have to guess they are as performance deflating as they are soul destroying.

If you want to know what public unions lead to, look no further than the Cranston police department. A police officer gets fired and thinks he should have get his job back. Why was he fired? He and his partner were having sex with some bimbo while on duty. In uniform. In a threesome. I do like the line from his supervisor about how the officer didn't seem to be doing much work - "I don't know what he was doing out there." Well, he must not have been listening to the testimony in court, because I now know what he was doing out there.

A woman in Idaho pretended to be a plastic surgeon and performed breast exams on a couple of other women. At a bar. Real geniuses there. Most doctors don't make house calls and you think they'll do some doctoring at a bar? And the name Berlyn Aussieahshowna doesn't sound made at all. I don't know why I never thought to try this. Oh wait, I did. The women just didn't buy my act. Probably the heavy breathing and drool running down my mouth. Oh, and the fact I wasn't wearing any pants.

Consumer Protection for Whoremongering and Other Stories

2010-11-24T21:56:00.026-05:00

I'm not saying you shouldn't hire a hooker if you're so inclined. However, it is illegal in most jurisdictions. So, when you don't get the full service that you expect, don't call the cops. They just won't be that understanding. Actually some stuff I don't understand. A BJ was only worth $40 while a boobie flash was $20? Now I don't hire hookers (seriously, I don't), but if the fee schedule has a BJ only $20 more than seeing some boobs, I think you should expect a scam.

Hey, another hooker story. With a British spree killer. Some Thai hooker slept with a man who was going to marry her best friend. But don't worry. Her friend is also a Thai hooker so it's not really cheating. Then the dude went and killed 12 people a bit later. However, when I read the story, the only thing I could think was "Good God, what is wrong with her eye?"

I missed this story when it first happened. Albert (calling him Fat Albert is too easy) Haynesworth has been Mike Shanahan's whipping boy in Washington because he is one of the highest paid players in the league but skipped offseason workouts because he didn't like taking a contract bonus and then being moved to nose guard by a new staff. Well, Haynesworth says a $100 million contract doesn't make him a slave. He's right. Slaves don't get paid. That's kind of the definition, moron. But signing the document makes you a contract man. Meaning you have to play to get paid. Dickhead.

Speaking of athletes, I didn't say much about LeBron James because it's NBA and I don't really care much. But I thought it was ridiculous for him to say racism was a reason people thought poorly of him. What did he really expect to happen after he announced he would move to the Miami Heat. I don't have an issue with the decision. I wouldn't want to play in Cleveland. After all, it is Cleveland. Plus, Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh would play with him in Chicago or Miami, but there was no chance on them going to Cleveland with James. The problem is he looked like an arrogant ass by holding an hour long TV special to announce his decision. Cleveland fans especially have a right to be angry as they were so publicly spurned. Plus James waited very late to make the decision, possibly hurting their chances with other free agents. But maybe not. It's still Cleveland. He didn't even have the courtesy to personally tell Cleveland's owner who gave him a ton of money and let James do whatever he wanted while he was there. When you let your confidence move to arrogance and throw in an incredible sense of entitlement, you may lose some of your fans.

But it's not race. Because we see the same situation with Brett Favre. I used to be a huge Favre fan, but that ended and it wasn't when he went around taking pictures of his junk (he's okay with TSA scanners). It was when he began the whole I'm retiring (as an excuse to change teams) and then lying about it. I have no respect for Favre anymore. I now enjoy seeing him lose because he's been such a jerk. Clearly Favre hasn't had near the backlash of James. Several commentators are still nauseating in their adoration of Favre. But he also won a title which James has yet to do. And while I think a lot of Favre's behavior was trying to get out of training camp, I do also think he wanted to feel the love of team's asking him back. But he wasn't close to the narcissistic spectacle that James gave us.

Father of the year candidate. Some guy in Florida had a visit from the police. In the course of searching his house, they found some stuff. Like liquor bottles in one teenage daughter's bedroom. And marijuana in an ashtray that his other daughter was smoking because he let her smoke pot in the house. Oh, and a stripper pole. I love his line "I can fill the courtroom twice with people who can say how great a dad I am". Of course he doesn't say those people are his daughter's friends who want to come over and get drunk or high and his own pervert friends who want to see his 17 year old daughter grinding on a pole.

Speaking of friends, another guy had a problem with one of his "friends". A guy was hanging out and arguing with an amateur tattoo guy. Asked for a dragon tattoo or something. Instead, he got a penis tattoo on his back, punched in the face and thrown out. Note to self. Don't get your tattoos from an amateur. Definitely don't get them from an amateur you just had a fight with. I like that it says there was a dirty slogan on it with a misspelled word. But it doesn't say the slogan or the word. Piss poor journalism.

Oh this is good. The president of Ohio State University, E Gordon Gee, has come out and said if TCU or Boise State finish undefeated, they still don't deserve a chance to play in the BCS title game. Classy. His argument is that they don't play "murderer's row every week". They play "the Little Sisters of the Poor". Unlike Ohio State who played Marshall, Ohio, and Eastern Michigan (one of the worst teams in America) out of conference. In conference, they played Purdue (sucks), Indiana (lost one game 83-20) and Minnesota (lost to a I-AA school). Yeah, that's half their schedule that would not qualify as "hard". But Gee thinks his Buckeyes should be ahead of those lesser teams. He seems to be forgetting the last two trips to the BCS Championship game that Ohio State made where they were completely dominated. I'm sure the BCS is salivating on seeing Ohio State choke away another big game.

But the fallacy of his argument is that TCU doesn't play a hard schedule so they should get left out. I guess he doesn't think Butler should have been allowed in the NCAA basketball finals because they play in the Horizon Conference. And of course, he's forgetting that TCU and Boise State aren't being given the option of playing in the bigger conferences. Which is why Gee should keep his mouth shut. If you want to say that teams should be restricted for not playing a harder schedule, then they need to get rid of the conferences and even out the strength of schedule so everyone is the same. Plus it would help negate the money advantage that the BCS conference schools by virtue of being there. But then you'll get the next argument that college football is a business so it's proper to restrict these small schools. Good idea because once you admit college football is a business, you have to question whether they deserve tax exempt status. However, that also renders Gee a complete hypocrite because he mentions his time in the SEC. Well, he was at Vanderbilt. Vandy has not made hardly any effort to improve their football program in years. While TCU and Boise State have worked hard to build an excellent team, Vandy loses a lot but still draws a big check just for being in a conference with good, money producing teams. So let's restrict programs who are trying to be good and let scofflaws like Vandy suck up revenue without contributing anything but easy wins for the big boys.

Whitey & Other Stories

2010-11-14T19:30:00.036-05:00

I think this was the best election story of the season (other than Republicans taking over the House of Representatives). The Green Party candidate for governor of Illinois, Rich Whitney, showed up on the machine as "Rich Whitey". Most would now make a joke that he should be a Republican, but when eight out of the ten richest members of Congress are Democrats, it doesn't really fit. Now, they say it was just a mistake. Could be true. My last name is often misspelled as "Honkey", but I doubt it. Someone had a sense of humor. I did like the guy worrying about losing votes over it. Dude, you're the Green Party candidate. This was probably the first time anyone heard of you.

It was a fun election. I would have liked for Barbara Boxer to go down. But to be honest, I was not all that sad to see Democrat Jerry Brown win the governorship of California. That state is screwed. It's been reported that California is on the hook for about $500 billion in unfunded pensions. Which is a lot more than the entire state budget. Except the amount could be closer to $3 trillion. Add to that a deteriorating economic base, an increasing number of illegal immigrants and 30% of the welfare cases in the country, and you have a state voted most likely to declare bankruptcy. I'd much rather Jerry Brown (retread governor when a lot of that crap started) captain this sinking ship.

If I was a better blogger, I would have looked up whatever X Factor is. Well, I'm assuming this story isn't about the Iron Maiden album. Sounds like one of those cookie cutter talent by the talentless shows. And one of the contestants apparently had a rough go of things but seemed to be getting it together. Now it's been reported that she has a relative who is a "high class escort". Her 81 year old grandmother. My first thought was the term "high class" is thrown around waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay too much. My second thought was baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf.

Speaking of barf, this story from West Virginia (of course) is one of the most disturbing I've ever written about. Two guys at a motel (where one lives) were drinking in his room. His horribly ugly estranged wife wanders down from her room (where she lives) looking for oral sex. The husband (less dumb one) said no. His friend (the incredibly dumb one) said sure. Until the smell drove him away. The woman decides seduction is now the best course of action so she whips out a knife and threatens to cut some throats if someone doesn't get to licking. Fortunately the police arrived. Unfortunately they didn't shoot her to make sure this story never happens again.

I think I'll move to Latvia.

Stumbled across this very interesting story. Or stupid story. Can't remember which. Madonna did some "sexy" (yeah, right) ads for someone and is all pissed off because the un-retouched versions were leaked out. Showing Madonna is 52 years old and has horribly veiny arms. I'm pissed that I had to see the pictures myself.

Reason 3,109,548 that England is going to Hell in a handbasket. A guy goes on a week vacation. A bunch of squatters move into his house and change the locks. The police won't do anything because they say it's a civil matter not a criminal one. WTF??? Exactly when did breaking and entering stop being a criminal offense? Fine. Sounds like a good time to fumigate the place. Let's get the big tent over the house and poison some rats.

But why should I be surprised by that. Here's another article about the grand social experiment going on there. A 32 year old British woman has never been married, been knocked up by four different guys to the tune of five children and has been unemployed her entire life. She clears 32K pounds a year (about $45K). For being a whore. And how does she spend this money? Vacations abroad. Three laptops. Video games for all the kids. Flat screen TVs in every bedroom. Oh and a boob job. She's proud of her looks. Shouldn't be. I love how she thinks she deserves this. That's the messed up entitlement culture that we seem to be trying to import. Nothing but a worthless drain on society thinks the country owes her a living for being ........well a worthless drain on society. And no, I don't agree with her assessment that being a mother entitles her because her lazy bitch ass is probably producing five more welfare drains. If the welfare people had any sense, they'd go confiscate a lot of that crap. Hell, take some surgical blades and get the implants back.

Of course, another thing we're trying to take from the Europeans is socialized medicine. So, here's a heart warming story from Greece. They don't want to buy "special footwear" for people with diabetes. It's cheaper to just cut the leg off.

Here's a cute story. Kanye West thought having diamonds as his bottom teeth would be cool. But just having a diamond grill would not. So he had his teeth pulled and replaced with diamond implants. I was wrong when I thought Kanye West was a moron. He's simply not that smart.

"Our backs ache, our skirts are too tight, we shake our booties from left to right." This was a cheer that a bunch of six year olds in Michigan were doing. One girl's parents complain. So that girl was booted from the team. There seems to be some debate about whether the cheer was appropriate for six year olds. I'm a prude (as everyone knows) so obviously I think sexualizing six year olds may not be the best idea out there. But really, how stupid is an organization that thinks just because a set of parents questions the appropriateness of the cheer, it's a good idea to throw the girl off the team?

Was never a fan of Christina Aguilera's music. Just not my interest. But she was hot. Getting even hotter when I find out that she liked to cruise for chicks. And her husband knew about it. But he didn't get to join in so it may have led to divorce. Remember, ladies, that making your man spank it in the corner while you're doing another girl could be detrimental to your marriage.

Ass Crack & Other Stories

2010-10-08T21:33:00.047-04:00

A man gets stopped by police. He gives them a bag of weed that he'd hidden in his ass crack. Note to the kids out there. Hiding it in your ass crack apparently doesn't keep it hidden. So if you are willing to accept the taste of ass on your pot in the hopes of not getting it confiscated (and you sent to jail), it may not work. But the best was yet to come. He also had a bag of crack cocaine up there. But he said it wasn't his. Fortunately he did not blame it on the crack fairy. He said someone left it in the car and he shoved it up his ass too. Which is about as believable as the crack fairy. Who would leave that much crack in someone else's car? But on the plus side, where he's going, a lot of strangers will try to put things up his ass.

But drugs don't just find their way up an ass crack. A woman ......somewhere.......stuffed some meth so far up her..........well, something......... that they didn't turn up in a body cavity search. She got caught because it broke open and caused her to OD. But until that point, she had a big smile on her face.

Great news here. Obama's wacky plan to try terrorists captured in military or black ops operations has hit a snag that no one could see. Well, unless you include people with any intelligence. A judge has just thrown out evidence because the person providing it was discovered through "enhanced interrogation". That's a brilliant idea. Giving constitutional protections to foreigners who are making war on us. I keep hearing how it needs to be done because this is the way America is. That's crap. Soldiers are not going to inform someone caught on the battlefield of their Miranda rights. Besides, does anyone really believe American troops and secret agents in World War II weren't willing to rough up/torture the hell out of captured Japanese and Germans to get instant intel? Of course they did. If you think you're about to be hit by the enemy,just grab someone who might know and find out what he knows. Face it. The point of having the military commissions was to keep military prisoners in jail as criminals instead of POWs because these are guys you do not want going back into public. That was the point of the Nuremberg Trials. It wasn't really to follow rule of law. The Nuremberg Trials were a joke when one of the Russian judge's legal background was presiding over Stalin's show trials. Plus part of the charges against the German high command was invading Poland. You know, just like our Soviet "Allies" did.

Watching the Vikings-Jets game. Boring. I am curious. If the Vikings lose and go to 1-3 (possibly putting the playoffs out of reach), will his injuries suddenly make Brett Favre go on injured reserve? After all, he only came back to make a Super Bowl run. Does anyone see him playing a meaningless game in Philly in December? Why do that when he can sit in his house in Mississippi and send pictures of his wang (you may not want to play the vid) to former Jets employees. It started as singular, but now it's plural. I used to take pictures of my junk and send it out all the time, but it was an old Trac phone and everyone kept asking why I was sending pics of a vienna sausage.

As Jason Whitlock points out, this could be more than just crass behavior by a spoiled, pampered athlete. He did this to a team employee which is sexual harassment which means it's a bit more problematic than what the Jets did recently. Based on recent precedent of suspensions without evidence of a crime, the NFL may be stuck having to suspend one of their most legendary players for being a jerk. Gee, who would have thought the Ben Roethlisberger suspension may set a bad precedent. Besides me, of course. Let's see. Favre's already fumbled twice tonight and they're still scoreless in the third quarter. If that doesn't change, the Vikings will stay as the second lowest scoring team in the league. The Vikings may start lobbying the NFL to suspend Favre for the rest of the year.

And yes, my opinion of Jenn Sterger's journalistic ability (I'm sure I used pics of her on the ole semi-porn fantasy football site) isn't any higher than what I thought of the Mexican sports reporter who got catcalls from the Jets players. But Sterger worked for the team and was getting more than catcalls from the franchise star. Makes it a bit different.

Now here's a better sexual harassment story. Assuming it's true (I have my doubts), some jailers in Belgium may be making hot female lawyers take off their bras by falsely claiming the wires in them were setting off the metal detectors. Would still be pretty crude behavior but at least they used more ingenuity than sending pictures of their johnson.

Ah, that Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. He proclaimed in a speech at the UN that the US was responsible for 9/11 (one of these days bin Laden is going to get pissed that his friends in the Middle East won't give him the credit he wants for that). So, of course the US staged a walkout. Very symbolic. Then the UN boss ripped him for his comments saying they didn't have a place there. Yawn. But let's face it. What did they expect to happen? He's tin-pot wannabe dictator only held in power by the religious leadership that really runs Iran. The US was stupid to even be in the room when he spoke. Why give that nutsack any credibility by showing up at all? But the UN showing any type of condemnation of Iran is laughable. Remember that idiot organization put Iran on their Women's Rights Commission. How is that working out? Oh, you have a country that just arrested two journalists for trying to visit the son of a woman on death row. Her crime? Adultery. Oh, and she was already whipped for messing around after her husband died. Good move putting that country on a women's rights group. I guess the Right To Die (over sex and whether you want to or not) is deeply ingrained in Iran.

A question that has puzzled researchers for years - why do squirrels masturbate? All very scientific answers, but we all know why. Because they can.

I'll freely admit that I've never really known crap about Katy Perry. And really could have lived my life without knowing too much. After all, the first real story I heard about her dealt with her giving a concert at her old high school. And seeing her old crush who she then tried to embarrass for not asking her out back in the day. Let's see. "Oh yeah, you really chose right honey. What’s up. What’s up now, player." Really? He would have been better off dating a girl in high school who is both narcissistic and incredibly insecure and would have most likely dumped him the moment she got famous? Her crush seems to agree with me. But then I found out that she was on Sesame Street and they cut a scene from the show because she's showing too much cleavage. That kind of made me want to take a second look (but nothing audible after hearing her music). After seeing said scene, my response is "meh". I like my cleavage to have more cleavage.

Sports Stories & Other Stories

2010-09-18T17:56:00.042-04:00

While watching the Louisville game (and later probably UK), it seems like a good time to leisurely update the blog with some backlogged stories. Big game for Louisville. If they can go on the road to Oregon State and make a good showing, it will give me hope for a decent season.

Great. Louisville looked to score as Adam Froman ran into the end zone, but the ball was punched out at the one yard line and went through the back of the end zone thus giving the ball to Oregon State at the 20. God, I hate that rule with a passion. It makes no sense to give the ball to the defense if they force a fumble but don't recover it. They don't do it anywhere else on the field. But Louisville has been in scoring position twice and came away with nothing. Not nearly good enough to do that.

One of the most important news stories in America......no, the world is the sexual harassment faced by Mexican sports reporter Ines Sainz. Why is it so important? I can't think of one good reason at all. She shows up to a New York Jets practice to do an interview and gets catcalls. Why did she get catcalls? She has a tendency to dress provocatively. And not really behave as you expect a serious news reporter to behave. So, were the Jets players acting unprofessionally? I guess, but what do expect? Their "profession" is trying to physically destroy each other. These guys play a sport that they know will lead to long term injuries and possible brain damage, and yet, they still play. How gentlemanly do you think they are? But who is really the less professional? Personally I think it's the strumpet trying to milk this for even more attention. We're talking professionalism here. Being a professional means dressing appropriately for your job. I don't act surprised or shocked when women hyperventilate in excitement (almost looks like dry heaving) as I show up in the office in biker shorts. It's not what I should be wearing to the office so I can't complain about their reaction to it. So, I don't think much of the professionalism in sports journalists to begin with, but even under that low standard, I don't consider Sainz a serious journalist of anything. She may be smart. She may know her stuff, but she's clearly using sex appeal to get ahead. Which is fine. But if you're selling sex over ability, don't come crying to me when someone starts buying.

And when Mike Ditka says shut up, you shut up.

Great. After a good defensive stand, Louisville roughs the punter to give Oregon State a first down. Holds again for another punt. Then offense goes in reverse and Oregon State scores for a 7-0 lead.

Now this is awesome. Since continuing to blame George Bush for ......well, everything two years later is absurd to most non-liberals, Barack Obama is now trying to blame John Boehner for his troubles. Apparently Obama is unaware that the House of Representatives is a majority rules sort of organization. And Obama's party has a large majority. So, blaming the minority leader for your inability to do what you want is laughable to anyone with a clue. But what really makes it great is criticizing Boehner for golfing. Can they really be serious? It took Obama less than a year to play more golf than George W. Bush did in eight years. He's the guy who goes to the G8 meeting and his first question is about the golf courses. Can't make the funeral of the Polish president? Have a choice to find a proper place to offer condolences to the Polish people or go to the golf course? Guess what Barack Obama chose. Democrats criticizing anyone for golfing too much is like me criticizing someone for drinking and surfing porn.

Actually, it is great. Louisville is actually showing a pulse on offense. They tied the game at 14. Defense is having trouble with the Beaver running game. Beaver....heh heh. But only down 7 at the half.

I think the Jets' biggest problem isn't a big assed reporter from Mexico. It's the fact they aren't the Super Bowl caliber team that everyone thought. Well, I didn't. They got hot and made the AFC title game, but they only made the playoffs because Indy rested their last two games. Defense is good but I don't see much from the offense. Just a lot of mouth. Without backing it up. Someone (I don't remember who) noted that for all the brash talk, Rex Ryan had them kick a field goal instead of going for 4th and short inside Balmer's 10. But he's like his old man, Buddy Ryan, in that respect. Buddy would have his team fighting itself. He'd put bounties on opposing players (including kickers). He talked a lot of shit. Then went 0-3 in the playoffs and lost meekly in every one of them.

Second half starts with defense falling down. Just aren't big enough or fast enough to get this done. Offense struggling again which is bad news. Need to stay on the field more. Give the defense some rest.

Well, here is one story that didn't need to get out. Someone tried to sell a video of Brandon Spikes playing with his junk (and some hottie) to deadspin.com. The reason they didn't buy is because of most people's reaction to reading the story - "who is Brandon Spikes?". Well, I know because I watch a lot of college football and knew he'd been drafted. But doesn't mean anyone wants to see his junk. I might watch it to see the girl. Well, her boobs. And that is the other reason no one wants to watch this. Guys watch celebrity sex tapes. That's why all the famous sex tapes are of celebrity women. It's not called the Tommy Lee sex tape. It's the Pamela Anderson sex tape. The only time a famous guy's sex tape may get a lot of play is if rumor is he's got some kind of mutation or is poorly hung (and thus making guys viewing it feel better about themselves).

Well, Oregon State's run game got going. Big time. But Louisville is still only down 14 and just knocked the Beaver's (heh heh) starting quarterback out of the game. Making them punt from midfield. Holy crap. We just scored. Awesome. Hey, UK is only up 6-3 on Akron midway through the second quarter. What's going on there? Akron lost to Gardner-Webb last week. This shouldn't even be a game.

If someone in my neighborhood had an illegal cobra breeding operation and 160 got loose, I would kill everyone involved.

Louisville pulled within 7, but threw a pick with a minute left. Reinforced my beliefs from after the UK game. Louisville is finally being coached up. They're playing above their lack of talent and won't quit for anything. But there is a ceiling what they can accomplish with it. But I like where we're going.

Oh wow. People are worried that not allowing a mosque at the spot of an Islam influenced terrorist attack will make us look bad in the Muslim world. I say who cares. Know why? The Muslim world sure doesn't care about our opinion. In Indonesia, a Christian church was shut down. Was it on a Muslim holy spot? Nope. Just in a Muslim neighborhood and they (being the tolerant beings that we know Muslims to be) didn't want it around. So, what did they do when some Christians insisted on still worshiping there? Stabbed one of them. But hey, it's not like they burned anything. Oh, and guess what. Indonesia is a "moderate" Muslim country.

Okay, what exactly has Auburn done to get the benefit of every call at home? They were losing 17-3 to Clemson. A Clemson defensive back leaps at the two yard line to intercept an Auburn pass. He is barely able to get a second foot down before his momentum carries him into the endzone and out the side. They marked the ball at the 1 yard line for Clemson. Later, Clemson takes a kickoff in the endzone. The return man waffled on coming out but finally knelt right behind the goal line. About five seconds later (and after the whistle), he gets hit and knocked over by an Auburn player. Brent Musberger showed his true stupidity by saying they must not have called a late hit penalty because the ref was late getting over to stand in front of the return man. How retarded is he? It's college. You can never hit a guy kneeling on the ground.

This little nugget popped up over the summer. They're destroying 40 million doses of the swine flu vaccine. Because it didn't get used. Then they'll destroy some more. Yet, somehow we all survived. I guess nobody thought they were overreacting to something that wasn't showing to be particularly deadly. Well, I know one person who did.

In a moment of clarity or something, Fidel Castro admitted something that anyone with common sense already knew - the Cuban model does not work. Granted, Castro then tried to say what he meant was "exactly the opposite" and he was misunderstood. Which makes no sense because he admits the quote that the Cuban model doesn't work is accurate. So, therefore, the Cuban model doesn't work. Of course, if you're only paying your slaves....citizens $20 a month, it can't be working too well. Hmmm. Apparently, younger brother Raul misunderstood too as he just laid off 500,000 state workers. Oops.

It's amazing how poorly a state run dictatorship can do when it relied on money from a much larger (say the USSR) state run dictatorship that folded before it. Cuba has always been a fantasy world to rich lefties who would never think of moving to Cuba and living on $20 a month but it makes them feel good to like the concept. So what is left for them. Well, there is Hugo Chavez and Venezuela. They can survive because they have oil to support them. Well, they did. Now they have an economy that is declining worse than near bankrupt Greece. Oops. Let me get this straight. He keeps nationalizing industries and no one wants to invest their money there? I wonder if there is a connection. But then I read this lovely story about a bunch of Venezuelans who are even further left than Chavez. It mentions that they've been able to implement socialist policies. One of which is apparently "socialist stores sell milk and meat from recently nationalized producers at about 50 percent discount." If there is any statement that shows why only deluded people believe in socialism, that is it. Anyone can sell something for a steep discount if their supply chain is stealing it from someone else. Margaret Thatcher made the point that socialism doesn't work because "they always run out of other people's money." Well, at some point, those bozos will run out of things to steal.

Recap & Other Stuff

2010-09-07T21:14:00.055-04:00

Got the end result wrong on the UL/UK game, but I still think my analysis was spot on. After a quick start by UK to go up 13-0 in the first quarter, UL outscored them 16-10 keeping the final score within a touchdown. Overall talent did go to UK. Depth really wasn't a factor as UL got better as the game went on. Well, there was one case. Louisville's starting receiver got hurt early and his backup dropped everything thrown his way. I think the fact that UL adjusted a lot better after the first quarter reinforces my belief that Charlie Strong is a better coach than Joker Phillips. Louisville had no pass rush to speak of. Their defensive players compensated for their lack of size by being slow. I don't know how UK only scored 3 second half points. I didn't think either quarterback was all that impressive. Mike Hartline looked efficient, but with no pass rush, that's easy. I still can't figure out why Louisville played Adam Froman. His selling point was athleticism overcoming a weak ass arm. Yet, he rarely scrambled. Hell, he wouldn't even step up in the pocket. Granted, it didn't help that his wide receivers caught only six passes while dropping five. I did think UL's offensive line played well. Froman did have a pocket. Bilal Powell was a better running back than Derrick Locke. Even if you exclude Powell's 80 touchdown run, he averaged almost 5 yards on his other carries. But the best player on the field was Randall Cobb. His 51 yard touchdown run sealed the deal. UK better keep him healthy because he reminds me of Antwaan Randle-El when he was at Indiana. He singlehandedly took a relatively poor team and made them mediocre.

But what does the future hold for each team? Well, the fact that they didn't give up tells me UL can win some games. The fact that they only have one wideout who can catch footballs and a short, slow defense makes me think six wins is their limit. I'm not sure UK is very good. Bilal Powell and Victor Anderson are the only Louisville playmakers on offense. Johnny Patrick is the only good defensive player. Yet, they basically beat UK for the last three quarters. UK can't get away with that against good teams. But they should get six wins as the minimum. With their other three non-conference games being Western Kentucky, Akron and Charleston Southern, the Louisville win means they should 4-0 outside the SEC. Ole Miss lost to a 1-AA school. Vandy is Vandy. That's six wins. Seven is certainly not out of the question. I don't see Auburn, Georgia, South Carolina or Tennessee being all that good. And UK beat Auburn and Georgia on the road last year. So even if UK chokes away a game to Ole Miss or Vandy, they should still pick up another win along the way. After watching LSU almost blow their game against a UNC team missing half their starters, this would be a good year to face the Les Miles potential screwup train.

Great news. A church in Florida has declared it will not burn Korans on 9/11 in response to the ground zero mosque controversy mentioned last week. A lot of people got bent out of shape about it. Going all the way up to the President. Of course, based on the mosque principle, if the church buys the Korans, it's their property and they can do what they want with it. Right? Sure. I heard all kinds of words thrown around to describe the church group - outrageous, insensitive, idiotic, etc. How about irrelevant? This is a small church no one ever heard of before, and suddenly everyone is concerned that a global uprising will happen because of some podunk, nobody church doing a publicity stunt? I wouldn't do it because General Petraeus asked not to and it's disrespectful. But FBI visits? Global alert by Interpol? Warnings of violence by Muslim leaders? Isn't Islam the religion of peace? The assumption that this will lead to violence is pretty much stating that the vast majority of Muslims in the world are irrational savages. Because civilized people don't act like this. When was the last time Christians rioted over the destruction of their holy objects in Saudi Arabia? Or Buddhists to protest the destruction of the giant Buddhas in Afghanistan? Respect, sensitivity and tolerance has a tendency to be a one way street for the Muslim leadership.

But I say go ahead and do the burning. I think it's disrespectful to attack a holy object for a different religion, and I don't think Saudi Arabia is who we want to emulate. But if you're worried about Muslim reaction, what's the difference? Muslims get outraged and offended? Big deal. That isn't a normal position for them. That's basically their default position. They're constantly offended. And the threat of violence? Once again, default position. Anything that could possibly be slightly insulting to Islam is met with threats of violence. There have been times Muslims have (with no sense of irony) advocated violence against critics for..........wait for it.......claiming Muslims are violent.

UPDATE: He may have changed his mind.

Not long ago, Time magazine declared the BP oil spill wasn't the environmental apocalypse that it was supposed to be. Glad I didn't think of that when it first happened. I might be feeling kind of smug.

Been awhile since a porn star story. Someone came up with a list of the 13 smartest porn stars. Thought it was interesting that two went to San Francisco State University. And two went to Rutgers. Makes you wonder what kind of majors those two schools are offering. But I did notice that #12 is a graduate of the University of Kentucky. And once had sex with 919 men. In one day. They should hang a banner at Rupp Arena.

How about another porn story? Laurence Fishburne was embarrassed recently (at least I hope he was) when it came out his daughter was trying to further her career by acting in a porno. Because everyone knows that's how you break into real acting. Of course, he's no stranger to acting shame. After all, Fishburne was Cowboy Curtis in Pee-wee's Playhouse. Oops. This was actually her second movie. And she might be a prostitute. I guess next step is for the video of her to surface with a beagle and jar of peanut butter.

French fighter jets were recently credited with 4800 confirmed kills. Too bad they were chickens. On the plus side, France received favorable surrender terms from the cows.

I think what I find so bizarre about the whole mosque/Koran burning is the reaction from the politically liberal people. They generally don't act very favorably towards religious groups. The Catholic Church opposes gay marriage? Try to take it over. The Mormons do too? Vandalize their temple. But strangely, no black churches even though they overwhelmingly voted against gay marriage. Oppose abortion? We'll try to use racketeering laws against your protest. Yet, as socially conservative as those religions are, they have nothing compared to what is mainstream Islam. Gay rights in Muslim countries aren't about marriage. It's about not being killed for being gay. The Mormon church is patriarchal and the Catholics won't allow women priest. In many Muslim countries, women aren't allowed to drive cars or go out in public without a male family member. Rape victims are routinely charged with adultery if they go to the police. Yet, they seem to be on the side of a religious leader who wants to build a mosque at ground zero and spread sharia law. I shouldn't be surprised. It's not something new. Jews tend to be some of the most socially liberal people in the world. The ones in Israel are clearly the most socially liberal people in the Middle East. Yet, liberals in this country seem to like Hamas better. As long as they don't kill too many homosexuals. Oh, and maintain their great tolerance for other religions.

I saw this story about Paul McCartney when it first came out. He does some PBS concert for Obama and makes a comment bashing Bush as not knowing what a library is. Showing his worldliness by letting it be known that he doesn't know Bush was married to a librarian. Yawn. Another lefty celeb bashing a Republican in front of other lefty celebs. Granted, the setting was rather tacky, but what can you expect. Then I saw where he claimed that he got great support for it because it was "rock 'n roll". Woo-hoo. I find this quite funny because I think the Beatles were about as edgy as lettuce. They were a teen idol boy band that had somewhat long hair (in a horrible chili bowl cut). Everything they did was following trends. After harder bands showed up, the Beatles got a little harder sound. Drugs became trendy so they became hippies. New age religion? That was for morons then and it's for morons now. The edgiest thing the Beatles ever did was the recording the song Taxman.

A man decides to end it all. By jumping from 40 stories. He actually lives because a woman's car breaks his fall. And she's pissed because her car was totaled. My first inclination was that's a rather callous thought. Then I thought about it. If you're going to commit suicide, you should have respect for others. Don't jump from a building where you might land on someone (or their car). Jump from a bridge. Then I found out she had a classic Dodge Charger and I would be just as pissed as she is. But what I love about the article is the picture of the couple. It looks like it was from some event so I assume the paper got it from them. Did she look through her pictures and decide the best choice was the one with her boob about to fall out?

Speaking of bad stock photos, there is this story of British social workers paying for a guy with "learning disabilities" to go to Amsterdam to run whores. A guy with dyslexia can get government funded hookers? And a trip to another country to buy one? And for what reason? Because sex is a "human right" and the guy was sexually frustrated. Welcome to my world. Sex may be a human right, but only if someone is willing to give it to you. Or you pay for it yourself. Otherwise, grab the Vaseline and do it with Rosy Palms. But really, my main problem is the stock photo of the prostitute. She's pudgy. They must have files of stock photos of Dutch hookers. They couldn't find a hot one?

One more sex story. A couple (of what I'm not sure) was going at it hot and heavy. Unfortunately for them, they were doing it outside a community center. With kids inside and a crowd gathered around to watch. That's kind of illegal. But it gets better. One of the onlookers happened to be the guy's girlfriend (meaning the female fornicator was not) who went over to see what all the commotion was about. But so far, the boyfriend isn't claiming he was forced to do it because his girlfriend was transgendered and couldn't have sex. So he has that going for him. But my favorite line was from the EMT who was at the local fire station across the street. He said they'd been watching through binoculars "because he could not believe what he was seeing." Yeah. I'm sure he wasn't watching because there was a free sex show going on.

The Big Game & Some Other Crap

2010-09-02T20:33:00.029-04:00

I'm sure most people expect me to pick Louisville to win the game over Kentucky Saturday. So I will. I could easily make a case for either team. I know on paper UK seems like the better team especially with depth. It wouldn't be out of the question for them to get on a roll. But a couple of things about that. It's the first game so depth won't be as much of an issue yet. And I think UK's team this year won't be as good as last year's team. Which needed some special teams flubs to beat Louisville by 4 last year. And the biggest change is that loser Steve Kragthorpe is gone. I don't know how good a game coach Charlie Strong will be for Louisville, but he can't be worse that that waste of space. And I don't see Strong getting out-coached by Joker Phillips. Still can't believe he kept taking Randall Cobb out of games at crucial times. But while I think UK has more depth, I'm not convinced their starters are that much more talented. Receiver definitely is. Cobb will be the best player on the field. But he was the leading receiver with 447 yards. Not much of a passing game at UK. I don't think either quarterback is very good. Both defenses will suck. Both lost a lot from last year. UK is starting a walk-on junior at defensive tackle. Louisville hasn't really plugged some holes. It would seem that UK has the better running game with Derrick Locke, but Victor Anderson out-played him in last year's game. And with Bilal Powell, Louisville has two backs that have had some success in past years. Behind Locke is unproven guys who could be very talented. Or maybe not. And the one thing that gives me the most hope is Louisville's offensive line is considered their strength. Kentucky is replacing four starters. So I'll take Louisville.

Is Barak Obama a Muslim? A poll found a surprisingly large percentage think he is. Although I think it's skewed by Republicans who don't believe it but think it's funny to tell pollsters. So, is he a Muslim? In a literal sense, yes. Because Franklin Graham was right when he said that Muslims pass their lineage through the father so in Islamic eyes, he was born a Muslim. And unlike other religions, leaving isn't so easy. Apostasy is still a crime in many Islamic countries (Malaysia is considered a moderate Muslim country). So for foreign policy reasons, it'd be best that Obama doesn't travel to certain countries who may think he's an apostate. But we aren't in Malaysia or any Islamic country so a man's religion is what he thinks it is. If Obama says he's a Christian, then he must be. Although I don't really think he's one of those either. But for the same reason. Both believe in a power higher than Barak Obama.

I followed the Russian spy story a bit. Wasn't too big a deal. They didn't seem to hardcore. Thought we should have driven a harder bargain. Ten for four? Were the Minnesota Vikings involved? The other big deal about it was Anna Chapman was seen as incredibly hot. She's really not. Attractive sure, but if she didn't have the notoriety of spying, she'd just be another pretty face. But here is what kills me. She got mad because her ex-husband sold nekkid pics of her to tabloids. A betrayal? Seriously? She was a spy. Probably married him for his non-Russian last name so she wouldn't seem suspicious. Betrayal? Is she effing kidding me?

Now, I've heard the name Heidi Montag (as a news junkie, I can't miss it). But I've never actually seen The Hills and only have a vague notion what it's about. But since reading the story about a sex tape of her and Playmate Karissa Shannon possibly being released, I've become much more interested.

So why would one assume that Obama could be a Muslim. One reason might be his ridiculously silly outreach to Muslims. When your choice for NASA administrator says that the "foremost" responsibility for him was to reach out to Muslims. Granted, the administration says that's not the case, but I think it must have been stressed at some point to the guy or he wouldn't go around saying it. I'm not saying that Muslims wouldn't be able to make a contribution. I'm sure they have many math and science scholars. Of course, they also have a lot living in third world squalor and radical groups trying to drag them back into the Dark Ages. Not the most fertile recruiting ground.

Oh, the other reason that he came out in support of building a mosque (some say learning center) in a building damaged by the towers falling on 9/11. So, yes, contrary to some opinions, I consider the location part of ground zero. Now Obama feels that it's about freedom of religion. I'm sure in the abortion debates, he's all for the practice of religious beliefs. Now, for some reason I highly doubt that President Obama would be a big supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church building a church on the spot that Matthew Sheppard died. Now I think the group building the mosque has every right to build it. It's their property (although if any money comes from terrorism sources, take the whole property). I just think that for all their talk about building bridges and tolerance, they're a bunch of assholes. If you know the majority of the people in the country are against it, how is it building bridges to flip them the bird? Are all Muslims radicals who may engage in terrorism? Of course not, but they aren't a small minority of Muslims. The strength of the Taliban in Afghanistan and Pakistan. Virtual theocracies in Saudi Arabia, Iran and other Muslim states. Turkey and Egypt are now heading that way. So, people can say that 9/11 was not an attack by Islam, but it was an attack in the name of Islam. And there was sizable number of Muslims in the world who celebrated the attack as a great victory for Islam. Building a mosque on the sight of that will be seen as an even bigger victory. Maybe if "mainstream" Islamic groups in this country were quick to condemn terrorist acts instead of looking for excuses (like a certain imam wanting to build a mosque at ground zero), I might be more willing to accept this. But they aren't so I'll say they have a right to build it. But they are a bunch of assholes to do it. I'm not Islamaphobic. You're just a dickhead.

Here is what soccer does to the world. It destroys lives. The North Korean soccer team was publicly shamed for it's poor showing in the World Cup. Oh, and their coach was fired and made to take a construction job. But on the plus side, they didn't send them to prison camps like they used to do in the past. Except that North Korea is one giant prison camp. And apparently not that good at soccer.

I mentioned Tiki Barber recently. This has-been cheated on his wife when she was pregnant with twins and left her. Well, he now says he didn't. He was just friends with the 23 year old intern and I guess was only taking her to events to help out her career. Assuming her career choice was home wrecker. Such a cute couple. I might have ignored it. Except Tiki ended the interview with his concern that his kids might be affected by his ex-wife's failings. Wait....what? Gee, I wonder why Tiki hasn't made it as a media personality. Oh right. He's a smarmy POS but not smart enough to hide it onscreen.

Woman goes to Epcot. Sees Donald Duck. Woman asks for an autograph. Donald gropes her. Not that I'm blaming the victim but my first thought is why a 27 year old woman would ask someone dressed as Donald Duck for an autograph? Did she think she could sell it on ebay? And everyone knows Donald Duck is the big perv there. He never wears pants.

Ick. Girls 12 and under are getting bikini waxes? What could their mothers possibly be thinking? Oh wait, one mother did explain why. Her second grader's hair was "bit two thick" on her legs. The poster on the blog had a good follow-up question - "A bit too thick for whom?". Obviously the woman would be mortified if the local creep down the street felt some stubble on her daughter.

Tila Tequila went to perform at an Insane Clown Posse festival. The fans threw rocks and "material" from the port-a-cans. Sounds like an awesome show. Kept her from singing anyway. Besides, I bet that wasn't the first time she's been smeared with crap. Or been highly disliked by a large group of people. Why would anyone be surprised by this? Just because they like no talent hacks like the Insane Clown Posse doesn't mean they'll like a no talent hack like Tila Tequila. They probably were mad because when they saw her on the playbill, they assumed she'd be giving bjs behind that port-a-can, not singing.

Dirty Stuff and Other Stories

2010-07-01T22:00:00.031-04:00

Philadelphia schools are running into a little problem. Too much bumping and grinding at the school dances. So, they made their bastard students sign a contract to say they wouldn't dance like strippers giving a lap dance. I thought it was cute that the article mentioned some other places had tried it and led to students organizing their own dance. Which leads to a couple of thoughts. First thought is good. Make them pay for their own dances. Save some taxpayer money. Second thought? How did they pay for it? Get money from their parents? Says a lot about their parents if a girl can go ask daddy for some money to pay for a dance just so some pimply faced teenager can rub his junk up against daddy's little girl. Actually, I think what I like most about the article was them repeatedly saying students were dancing inappropriately but the evidence was "bodily fluid" being found on the floor after the dance. I won't say where all I've left bodily fluids but I'm pretty sure to leave them on a dance floor, something will not be in my pants when it gets left. So, I think inappropriate dancing is quite the understatement.

I think if I ever visit China, I want to visit a Walmart. Just to find out what picture #6 is.

This is cute. Iran sent a flotilla to take "aid" to Gaza (well, Hamas). Then changed their mind. Probably because of that "aid" flotilla from Turkey that got people killed because Israel may have concerns that the "aid" could include weaponry that could be used against it. Which of course, sent the world into a tizzy. Because everyone knows that the single source of the world's problems is a Middle Eastern country the size of New Jersey who had the poor taste to be the only secular democracy in the region long before anyone else. Just because their enemies want them utterly destroyed and the blockade is very legal is no reason for them not to just die and solve this problem. How can you support a country that is allowing people in Gaza to starve? Even though that isn't happening. But seriously, how can anyone take the side of a country that allows freedom against such a reputable organization like Hamas? I'm sure they had a very good reason for shutting down non-governmental orgs on an whim. And they were aligned with such a wonderful organization out of Turkey. One that included people who wanted to be martyrs before the trip started. Because we all know the good people of the Middle East like to brag about Auschwitz and 9/11. But the Israelis must have used disproportinate force. After all, there was more than a handful of them (using paintball guns) versus a lot of enemies who only had pipes and knives (although Reuters didn't think you needed to know about the knives). Just for future reference to my friends who may one day decide to hit me over the head an iron bar, I will shoot you if you try.

This whole episode is laughable. Ignorant "pundits" have tried to blame violence and terrorism in the name of Islam on the plight of the Palestinians. But no one is willing to point out that every other refugee situation from the World War II era has been resolved. Yet, all the very wealthy Arab (not to mention Islamic) countries have no problem with letting the Palestinians live in squalor for 60 years. It's not like Saudi Arabia and Egypt (who has its own blockade on land routes to Gaza) or others have gone out of the way to give citizenship to Palestinians (who are not any different from other Arab speaking Muslims of the region). And no one seems able to explain why concern for Palestinians would cause Indonesians to bomb a resort or Filipino Muslims to behead Christians. Those areas aren't even remotely close to the Middle East. But let's just assume Israel is the new evil empire and relished killing those nine Turks. So what? Why is this such a major issue? About 40 South Korean sailors died when the North Koreans shot their boat with a torpedo. Wasn't nearly as much outrage. Guess the governments of the world hate Koreans.

I only watched the first couple of seasons of The Wonder Years. I should have stayed for the later epidsodes.

WTF?? I mean really, WTF???? I understand making some changes to super hero costumes to update them. But Wonder Woman? Changing her costume to show less skin????? Back in the '70s, I watched the Wonder Woman TV show. Wasn't sure why I liked it so much. Probably had something to do with waiting for Lynda Carter's boobs to fly out of the Wonder Woman top. She was friggin hot.

One good thing came out of the whole Israeli situation. It gave Helen Thomas the chance to show her ass and get fired for it. I'll be honest. That insufferable little troll was quite annoying. Her reputation was based on affirmative action (a female in a position composed of mostly males) and the fact that she wouldn't die. Just because someone has been covering the White House for a billion years doesn't mean she really knows what is going on. Actually, I'd argue the opposite. She's been in an insular community (White House press corps) so long that she doesn't know shit about anything going on. Actually, it's quite obvious she doesn't have a clue. But this whole incident was par for the course for her. People should realize just because someone is old doesn't make them smart. But I do like that after consideration, Wayne State has decided that they'll keep her name on their diversity in media award. Just hope one of those dirty Jews that she hates so much doesn't win it.

A third of the internet is made up of porn. Not that I surf porn, but I would have thought it was higher.

Some woman in England is facing jail time for a noise problem. Mainly she can't keep from being too loud while getting it on. To be honest, I was hoping for a recording. After seeing the pictures of the offending couple, I didn't want videos. God knows I didn't want that. But I was curious how loud were they being. And was she talking dirty? This is what discriminating news readers want to know.

Here's a classy couple. Busted for child endangerment. Daddy thought it would be a good idea to give his not-yet-two year old some hits on his bong. Strangely enough, the police disagreed. Mabye it was the size of the bong. Or maybe this was some really stupid bastards who shouldn't be breeding.

Classic example of why Republicans don't really trust the so called mainstream media. Second banana and first class moron Joe Biden gets some custard. Amazingly, he tries to pay for it rather than consider it a paid tax. The manager of the this custard shop asks him to lower taxes. According to the aired report, Biden just ignores him. Then you see the rest of the story. Biden decides to get angry and call the guy a smartass. Because this is the most horrible thing a vice president has ever been told. Well, if he's a Democrat. Sorry, Joe. As VP, you should have a bit thicker skin than that. Believe it or not, you might run into people who disagree with you. But this is an aberration. Surely no other Democrat would be so condescending to a constiuent with real concerns. Would they?

Okay, it wasn't me. Still, pretty funny story. Some guy rolled his car. He got stuck. While waiting for authorities to come get him out, he decided to crack open another beer. To be honest, I can't really blame him. If you're busted, you're busted. Why let that last beer go to waste?

Now, this guy. Yeah, I can blame him. The cops catch you drinking underage. You should probably try to keep your pants on. But it is good to know that crime in the Chicago area has dropped so much that they can call in backup to chase an 18 year old drinking a beer.

And one more story on naked chicks. And she's moderately attractive unlike the loud mouth sex addict in a previous story. She pulls up to a man's car. Gets out. Naked. But unlike most fantasies and porn movies, she doesn't have dirty, nasty sex. She just steals his car. The police catch her. Or try. She's sweaty so they can't get a grip (obviously not grabbing the right places). So she steals a police car. Until she wrecks it. And tries to run. So, they eventually taser her. Which stops her. Naked and sweaty. Stealing police cars. Jumping fences. Sounds like a fun date.

World Cup Nonsense & Other News

2010-06-19T22:05:00.069-04:00

Every now and then I try to give soccer another try. And every time, I remember why I don't care for it. Actually, I liked playing it fine when I was doing intramural indoor soccer, but I just don't watch it. According to The Nation, as a right winger I don't like soccer because I'm white and soccer is played by minorities and America isn't that good at it. We could be great at it if we cared about it. Look at all the pure athletes in football and basketball. Don't tell me a lot of them couldn't be great soccer players if they had played it for 20 years. Besides, I like curling and we're as good at that as we are soccer. But obviously my love for football and basketball is because we've managed to keep blacks out of those sports. But why don't I care for hockey which is the whitest sport outside of curling? Oh right, same problem as soccer. Low scoring and too much credit for a tie.

Actually, hockey is nowhere as bad as soccer. For one, soccer players flopping is incredibly embarrassing. Sure, you have flopping in basketball where they try to draw the foul, but in soccer, it's routine to see a player barely get touched, grab his head (even though he was touched on the arm) and roll on the ground like he's dying. A hockey player would get his ass beat if he tried that. Plus, while hockey may make you play a set period of time with one fewer man, it's not the rest of the game. But in soccer, if the prissy little referee walks up to you and puts a red card in your face, not only are you out of the game, but you aren't replaced at all. And those are judgment calls (although since no one seems to know the offside rule in soccer, most of the calls are judgment calls) so you could play with one fewer player for 89 minutes of the game for a bad call. And speaking of bad calls, we have the added delight of the US having a potential game winning goal disallowed because of a penalty, but nobody knows what the call is. I've never heard of a serious sport where the referee can call a foul but isn't required to say who and what was called. But surely FIFA wouldn't use referees who are know to be incompetent and possibly corrupt, would they? Would they? And at least hockey can keep track of the time. It's bad enough that soccer counts up instead of down (like every other sport), but they have this injury time BS. Because they don't stop the clock for injuries, they just add the time lost to the end of the match. But they only tell you the approximate amount of time left. WTF??? You're watching a game and have no idea how much time is left? That's spectator friendly.

But let's look at the real reason I don't like soccer. Friggin' ties (and not the ones given as Father Day presents). The World Cup has different groupings. Let's look at the one with the US, England, Slovenia and Algeria. Four of the six games between those four have been played. There is a grand total of one win among them. One. Which means three ties. Even hockey tries to get a win first before declaring a tie. This is a major tournament and you declare the game over after 90 minutes (plus some inexact amount of time that no one knows when it will end) even though it's tied? Know what this means? If England chokes up a loss to Slovenia and the US ties Algeria, the US advances. That would mean the US would move into the next round without a single win in three tries. Is this really how the premiere event of your sport should be decided? Eddie Erdelatz once said "a tie is like kissing your sister". That makes the World Cup tournament the biggest case of incest outside of Johnson County, Tennessee.

Then we have the fun of the French team in a near meltdown cause by the fact that they are a bunch of assholes. Fighting between coaches and players. Refusing to practice. Fun stuff. Here's one writer who thinks we should root for the French to lose over all this. Hell, I was rooting for that before the Cup started. Just because they're French.

Now when I heard that Al Gore was getting a divorce, I didn't really care. If his purchase of another energy sucking mansion didn't make people see what a hypocritical charlatan he is, nothing will. Sure, I found it amusing that someone at the Washington Post is blaming Bush for this happening. Just reinforces my belief that they have a macro in their word processors that inserts "blame Bush" into most of their stories. But for the most part, I didn't care. Then I saw this funny story that the reason for the breakup was Big Al putting Little Al into Laurie David who was once married to Larry David. Oh, and produced Al's movie. Oh, and is as big a enviro-hypocrite as Al. Granted that story is in Star Magazine. So, it's probably not true. Of course, after the John Edwards love child story was scooped by National Enquirer, you never know. Could be worse for Gore. The Globe says the divorce is because of a gay affair. Funnier, but not sure I believe that either. Gay men usually have better taste.

Speaking of adultery, this story is a awesome. A woman was cheating on her husband with some dude. In the park. On a bench. Near the playground full of kids. Probably wouldn't have got much play outside of that town if the cops hadn't charged her with adultery. Which led to the video of her explaining what happened with her loyal husband by her side. Really loyal since her first excuse to the cops was that she had to do it because she didn't have sex with her husband because he's transgendered and thus she was really horny. But the video is great. First she says everyone was dressed so nothing could be showing. Then she admits that maybe his junk was hanging out of his zipper but still out of sight. I'm pretty sure by trial, she will saying that yes, his johnson was out but the kids would not have been able to see it because it was up inside her.

In honor of Father's Day, I want to point out a heart warming story of a man bonding with his daughter over drinks. Too bad she was 9 years old, and he said he'd kill her if she didn't chug-a-lug with him. But otherwise, it just gives me a warm fuzzy.

Now, the only real fault I put on the Obama administration over the oil spill was some of the buffoonish things they did. I don't think Obama is doing anything particular about the problem because what the Hell does he know about oil wells and maritime works. And the bureaucracy won't work because it doesn't work. But I thought I'd seen everything, and then we got the "Ass to Kick" interview and then the limp dick speech about stopping the oil spill that was so inane that MSNBC didn't like it. Is anyone taking Obama seriously after that? At first I thought his anger was over missing his tee time, but apparently that's not the case. So, what has Obama done? Well, he got BP to put together an escrow account of $20 billion to pay off people. Which is good because after all the demonization of BP (a lot by Obama), BP may end up in bankruptcy. What could go wrong there? Sure, the British may suddenly hate him, but he's made us so popular and respected in other countries like..............let me get back on that. Oh, right, the other problem. If BP goes into bankruptcy, the taxpayers will end up on the hook for the cleanup outside of the escrow fund. Do I think Obama is an idiot for possibly driving BP out of business? Well, the guy is apparently still unaware that BP hasn't been called British Petroleum in years. I just can't believe we've reached the point that the President thinks it's okay to demand a private company give him $20 billion to divvy up as his flunky sees fit. Sure, it's easy to ignore because BP is a pariah, but what happens when he decides to do it to some company that isn't universally hated in this country?

Up in Minnesota, a bar near the Twins stadium started having "Twin Titties Series" to draw in female customers during Twins games. Show up with your boobs hanging out and you'll be entered in a contest. I see nothing wrong with this. Well, except you're expected to watch baseball.

Here is a good one. Angelina Jolie is being considered to play Cleopatra in some upcoming movie. This has Essence magazine (and I'm certain the community they represent) outraged because they believe Cleopatra should be played by a black woman. Which may make sense if you have no concept of history and geography. Now, she was African because that's where Egypt is, but there's a big difference between northern Africa and sub-Saharan Africa as far as racial traits. Egyptians aren't black. Oh, and it wouldn't matter anyway. Cleopatra was one of the last rulers of Egypt from the Ptolemy dynasty. Meaning she was really Greek. But at least Essence did know that Egypt was on the African continent. The LA chapter of the NAACP apparently is unaware that space isn't full of black whores. Hallmark had a space themed graduation card that mentioned black holes. Hallmark took it off the shelves because the NAACP complained about it's use of the term "black whores" which would be demeaning. I'm not black, but if I was, I would feel more demeaned that a group claiming to represent me was so stupid that they thought Hallmark was talking about black whores in space.

Well, the French may have done something right. They pulled a 16 year old girl out of the ocean after her boat broke. So brave. So heart warming. So stupid. She's not old enough to vote, but she and her dad think it's all just fine to send her on a solo trip around the world. I think it's moronic. And now we find out that it may have been motivated by a reality show. Which would explain why they'd have her sailing a long ass stretch of empty ocean during winter storms. Or they're stupid. I'm thinking a bit of both. Well, a lot of the second. I'm glad they get to live out an adventurous life. Of course, there are consequences. It cost a Hell of a lot of money (other people's money of course) to rescue her on her little ego cruise. Oh, and the captain of the fishing vessel that rescued her fell overboard and almost drown. I wonder how confident she'd be on her next little vanity trip if she'd killed someone. Self centered asses like that probably don't care. Maybe they shouldn't have picked her. Did she have paddles?

Earth's lowest form of life, Perez Hilton, might be in trouble for child porn since he posted an upskirt shot of Miley Cyrus with no underwear. Not sure a flamer like him can get in trouble for it since he can argue he doesn't find it tittilating. And as someone else (can't remember who) pointed out, why is he getting all the grief? What about the photographer? He took and distributed it. But it's good to know that in spite of the fact that she's running around in a short skirt with no underwear, Cyrus insists she's not a slut. That's good to know because every one knows teen singers with limited talent always go on to make it big as an adult without resorting to flaunting their body. But she says she's not a slut. Why wouldn't anyone believe her? Sluts don't pole dance at 16. Or think a fake lesbian kiss at 17 is exactly what her wholesome stage show needs. Guess if the new record doesn't sell, on stage masturbation is next.

Big College Football Stuff Going On

2010-06-11T22:00:00.039-04:00

Shoes are beginning to drop all over college football. As of right now (subject to change in the next hour), Nebraska has moved to the Big Ten, and Colorado moved to the PAC-10. Oh, and Boise State moved to the Mountain West. Other than that, everything is just rumor. Talk of the Big Ten going to 16 teams which will make the PAC-10 to do the same. Then who knows what the SEC and ACC will do then, but most people think the Big 12 is done. The worst part of it is that it almost appears that the Big Ten started all of this in an effort to get Notre Dame. I almost believe that they wanted to scare Notre Dame into thinking all this huge expansion would destroy the Big East which would make Notre Dame worried about their non-revenue sports enough that they'd join the Big Ten. But they end up taking Nebraska first. Apparently Nebraska didn't like Texas being the big dog in the Big 12 so they wanted to move away. I'm sure they'll love being with the snooty ass Ohio States and Michigans of the Big Ten. And ironically, one rumor has Texas petitioning the Big Ten for membership where they'd still get to look down on Nebraska. I doubt Texas has made any overt move there because the Big Ten would take Texas in two seconds. Other rumors have Texas going to the PAC-10 and taking the Oklahoma schools and Texas A&M and Tech with them (I think Texas to the PAC-10 is the most likely). But other rumors have Oklahoma trying to move to the SEC. And another rumor has Texas A&M deciding to between the PAC-10 and SEC which sounds retarded that they'd go somewhere other than wherever Texas ends up.

But since the moves began, it's almost like no one is planning anymore. Everyone is reacting. The rumors are the Big Ten and PAC-1o could stop at twelve or blow up to sixteen. No one knows what the SEC and ACC will do. Missouri played footsie with the Big Ten but didn't get an invite. The PAC-10 doesn't seem interested. Screwed themselves over. But what if the Big Ten, PAC-10, SEC and ACC scavenge the Big 12 and ACC for members and all go to 16 teams? You could end up with four super-conferences. I'm not sure they understand what it could mean. For one, when you start destroying conferences for TV money, that tax exempt status those athletic departments get because they are part of "education" could very well be gone. It's hard to behave like a corporation in running up profits, but then claim to be a non-profit. And what if the super conferences freeze the rest out of the money? Will that destroy the NCAA? What will that do to the basketball tournament? You might notice that Kansas isn't mentioned in a lot of expansion talk. Can you imagine a championship tournament without them? Hell, Louisville could be in the same boat. Which means that at least one team in the last six Final Fours (including one champion) won't be in the mega conferences.

Now, what does that mean locally? Well, for Louisville, it could be good or bad. There is potential for the Big East to lose teams to the Big Ten, and if the ACC and SEC decide not to expand, they could be out in the cold. Or if the Big East falls apart after losing teams to the Big Ten and the SEC grabs teams from the ACC, Louisville could end up in the ACC. Or there is also a belief the Big East could stay together and grab Kansas, Kansas State, and Missouri out of the Big 12. The last two scenarios would be good. Ironically, Kentucky could have problems if the SEC expanded. If the SEC took Oklahoma, they'd have to find someone to add to the SEC East. I'm guessing Virginia Tech (a state the SEC doesn't have a presence in). Why is that bad for Kentucky? Another team they can't beat regularly. Kentucky's football strategy is to win their four out of conference games and then only need two conference wins to go to a bowl game. Expansion will probably mean fewer non-conference games, and Virginia Tech would add another hard win for them. But on the plus side for Kentucky, they'll now have another excuse to drop the Louisville game which is more pertinent now that Steve Kragthorpe got fired.

Just proves football drives college athletics in this country. One of the historically top basketball programs, 2008 National Champion Kansas, could be looking for a home. Yet, the Big Ten's addition of Nebraska means they'll now have the two historically worst basketball programs from a major (ie BCS) conference. Nebraska has made six NCAA tournaments. They've never won it. By "it", I mean an actual NCAA tournament game. How can you be in a major conference for over 100 years and never win a game in the NCAA tournament? The only other school from a BCS conference to have no wins when they made the NCAA tournament is South Florida. But they only joined the Big East a few years ago and didn't have basketball prior to the 1970s. So, Nebraska gets the call as the second worst basketball program from a BCS conference. Why only second? Northwestern has never even made the NCAA tournament. That's friggin' pathetic.

But even though this is about football, there is still some real shit going on. For example, why was Colorado wanted by the PAC-10? Yes, they have that 1990 national title (with the help of a fifth down), but their record since joining the Big 12 is 85-82. It's been even worse in recent years. So, why would you want them over Kansas or Kansas State? Both those schools have made BCS bowls in the past few years (and would add an actual basketball program). And since destroying all these conferences for money proves tradition no longer matters, why should serial underachievers in football get to stay in lucrative mega conferences while teams that have put time and effort into vastly improving their football product are left out? Are you telling me that Northwestern (last bowl win 1949), Duke (last bowl win 1960; no winning season since 1994) and Vanderbilt (1 winning season since 1982) add any value to their conference brand? Duke has been such a joke in football that when they canceled a contract with Louisville for a three game series, they argued in court that they shouldn't pay damages because any team Louisville could get to play would be better than Duke. Yet, they won't have to sweat the realignments and Louisville will? And don't give me academics because this whole episode has shown that isn't relevant.

Imperfect Game & Other Things

2010-06-05T20:01:00.048-04:00

The big sports story of the week was a Detroit pitcher, Armando Galarraga, getting the final out of a perfect game only to have the ump call the hitter safe. It was an out although not as clearly as some say. He did sno-cone the ball meaning it could have appeared to be juggling. But the umpire admitted after seeing a replay later that it was an out and cost a relatively unknown pitcher a very rare feat. The Tigers still won as the next batter was out. Which has led to the usual caterwauling from the peanut gallery. To begin with, this was a bad call, but not the bad call to end all bad calls. After Don Denkinger blew a call in the World Series in the ninth inning, the Royals came back and beat the Cardinals to later go on and win the Series. That's a bit worse. But this just looks worse because it was the last out. If it happens earlier in the game, you can argue that you never know how the game would have unfolded with that base runner. And you feel bad because Galararaga most likely will never be close to a perfect game again, and the umpire was clearly torn up about his call. Even worse, Galaragga has to live in Detroit. But I can't believe how many people think major league baseball should retroactively declare it a perfect game. Yes, it wouldn't make a difference in the game, but you can't set a precedent based on such an extreme example because where do you stop? Baseball is incredibly stupid about their stats. If you change a statistical achievement after the fact, you have to do it every time. Unless there is there is evidence of fraud, the result must remain the same after the game is over.

So what should baseball do? Two things. First, change the rule that says umpires must ask for help from another umpire before they say anything. That's just dumb. An umpire may have a bad angle or sight line and not even know it. So even if the third base umpire knew it was an out, he has to go along with it unless he's specifically asked for help. Second, use instant replay for these calls. They already allow it for disputed home runs. It's ludicrous to think that only a blown home run call can affect the outcome of a game. The main arguments that I hear against replay in baseball is human error is part of the game and it will increase time to the game. Well, just because human error is part of the game doesn't mean you have to accept it. Isn't getting the call right the most important thing? As for time, give me a break. If they make it like football, ultimate judgment calls (balls and strikes) can't be replayed. Whether the ball beats a runner or a catch was really made or if the ball was fair or foul will. And don't review every play. Give managers three challenges. Trust me, they won't be used. There just aren't that many disputed calls (except balls/strikes) in a baseball game. But replay could save time. Look what happened after the Galarraga call. The manager comes out and bitches for 10 minutes at the umpire. This is routine in a baseball game. What takes less time? An official running to a sideline monitor to look at the play again? Or a manager like Lou Pinella screaming obscenities, kicking dirt, throwing third base into the outfield and peeing on a ballboy? Baseball is stupid.

A woman (of course) is suing her cell phone company for consolidating all the family bills into one. Which led to her husband finding out about her infidelity. Which led to her husband to divorcing her. So, she's blaming the phone company for her divorce. I take a different view. Her inability to keep her legs shut to men other than her husband led to her divorce. So, she's now claiming that her husband leaving made her so unhappy that her work suffered leading to job loss and doctor visits. Which means she's claiming to be a victim. Seriously. I might point out that her husband was the one cheated on.

But not the dumbest lawsuit recently. David Carradine's wife is suing over his death. You might remember this. He died because he was spanking the monkey with a rope around his neck. So, who is the wife suing? The movie production company because his assistant went to dinner without Carradine. Apparently they should have known that Carradine couldn't be left alone during dinner without dying from a freak masturbation accident.

Big news recently is the oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico. A deep water rig blows up and begins leaking oil into the Gulf in an environmental disaster that will most likely lead to the end of life on the planet as we know it. I give us about two more years of human life on this planet before we're overwhelmed by the oil from this leak. Yes, that is absurd but I'm finding it rather funny to see the Obama administration being castigated for a slow response. Is it Obama's fault they can't plug the leak? Of course not. Like I said after Katrina - if you expect the federal government to respond quickly to something big like that, you will end up disappointed. In Katrina, federalism means there is no first response force from the government since FEMA only writes checks and posse comitatus laws restrict the civilian use of military who essentially are the only first responders under federal control. And now Obama has discovered that there is no Department of Oil Leaks. But since the his political allies made such political hay over the "slow response" to Katrina, it's funny to see them take a beating for an occurrence that they can't control. And to be honest, the administration has looked rather buffoonish in all this. I mean really. They actually invited James Cameron to brainstorm how to stop the leak because obviously a man who films underwater documentaries would know more than someone specializing in underwater engineering. But Obama can't say he didn't bring a lot of this on himself. Because when they thought BP was going to get it fixed, he was claiming his people were in charge and directing everything. After it failed, suddenly it was all BP's doing. Strange. But, I'm sure Obama really cares and is entirely focused on this problem. Or not. It doesn't really help when you're asked about the first appointee from your administration fired over this and you just aren't sure if she was fired or resigned. Pardon me if I think that might be something to know before talking to the press. But, at least his people care. And isn't that what competant government is all about.

But I'm sure big decisions will be made soon. The administration has already put a moratorium on deep sea drilling. Because there's nothing better in a bad economy than to enforce job killing measures. Hey, if BP was negligent, punish them for that, but tearing down our own economy is stupid. I hate seeing something like this happen. As one who rehabbed animals as a teenager, I especially hate seeing wildlife suffering. But the fact is the world economy runs on energy, and replacing oil and coal with "alternative energy" has been an elusive (and very expensive) pipe dream. And as quaint as the notion of cutting back is, there are too many of us to go back to subsistence farming. Yes, this is a big problem, but there have been bigger spills than this one. The environment managed to survive. Actually, the US policies on drilling are actually making spills more likely. To begin with, we won't drill in a barren Alaskan wasteland which would mean less drilling in water. And the reason they began doing the much more dangerous deep water drilling was because so much of the shallow areas are off limits. So how will that make spills more likely? If we restrict domestic oil consumption, we'll have to import more. Take another look at the list of worst spills. The majority of them were from tankers, not from rigs. Put even more tankers on the ocean and you'll increase your chances for one of them to spill.

Oh, and boycotting BP won't do much good. Gasoline at BP stores could have been from many companies, so you're really just sticking it to some local retailer who signed a contract with BP when they were still viewed as a good corporate citizen. But good luck harming BP with that Facebook boycott. As Penn Jillette said,

Now, that is a sinkhole.

Of course, I wouldn't be surprised if the present administration really thought raising oil prices would be good for the economy. Obama actually plans to campaign in the fall on economic issues. Is he kidding? Let's look at his economic policies. A bloated stimulus plan that hasn't really stimulated anything. Except government hiring which is the only job creation the government can really do. Oh, and a massive health care plan that anyone with common sense knows will increase costs. Pretty much like Europe and Canada. Brilliant thinking. Greece tried the high deficit/too many worthless government employee model. They're basically bankrupt and looking for handouts from the rest of Europe. Other European countries are in almost as bad shape. Oh, and Canada as the model for health care? They're going broke. And wanting to cut back on their health care spending. Whoops. They're managing to go broke, and that's with a smaller population and a larger neighbor to subsidize their price controls. Get ready for rationing. But it is egalitarian. Instead of some people having good medical care and some having substandard, we'll all have substandard.

A woman who used to work for Citibank is suing her former employer. Because of that "former" part. She's claiming that she was given the boot for being "too hot". So, obviously I was interested and low and behold, there were pictures. Frankly, I don't believe her story for a minute. She's attractive enough. I'd certainly do her, but that's not really setting the bar very high. If she'd just stuck with the story that they made inappropriate comments, I might believe her. But not that they told her to change her dress because it was giving her male co-workers perpetual woodies. Or that they told her the other women were too ugly to wear those type of cloths. She's simply not enough of a hottie to get that worked up about. Surprisingly, men can make it through a workday without feeling the need to touch themselves inappropriately over someone who looks like her. But I do think they may have wanted her out of there for safety reasons. Look at that nipple. She could put an eye out.

John Calipari & Other Fun Stuff

2010-05-30T18:26:00.040-04:00

Not saying anything will come of it because if no one talks, it will be like the Reggie Bush situation where nothing can really be done. But anyone who thinks this Eric Bledsoe investigation isn't bad for UK has their head in the sand. I won't even worry about the extra benefits part of the story, but who can really believe that Bledsoe could get a 1.9 in his first three years of high school and suddenly get good enough grades as a senior to raise it to the magical 2.5 needed for college eligibility? That would have to be almost all As as a senior. I've seen this guy interview. This is as shady as they come. I know I will hear all the excuses that have become routine for UK fans. "The NCAA has a vendetta against UK" which we know must be true since the NCAA hates teams that gets ratings and sell tournament tickets. "How was Calipari supposed to know Bledsoe might be cheating at school". Trust me. I've said it before, college coaches are well aware of their recruits are doing academically. That's why you hear of schools backing off recruits because of fear they won't get eligible. And Calipari has a history of players miraculously gaining eligibility after signing with him. We have the Derrick Rose situation where he got eligible with a bad SAT score which caused Memphis to vacate a Final Four. But Calipari had a history of taking players with shaky transcripts at Memphis. Actually, he's had a history of taking players at UMass with shaky transcripts going back to Lou Roe and Dontae Bright. John Calipari just has the worst luck in the world. All these mental midget basketball players conning him into letting them in college. How can it keep happening to a guy?

But let's ask the real question. How stupid was the athletic department at UK? Once again, as noted before by me, it may not have been the smartest thing to hire Calipari when they knew he was already under investigation at Memphis. UK hits the gray area on compliance so often that it's the only school whose compliance officer's name I'm familiar with. How stupid are they to not do their own investigation on Bledsoe? Which it seems unlikely to have occurred. UK gave a statement saying the NCAA cleared Bledsoe to play. Guess what? At one point they cleared Derrick Rose to play. That didn't work out too well. The NCAA clearinghouse clears thousands of players every year, but if new information comes to light, that can be vacated. After seeing your new coach have a second Final Four vacated due to academic fraud in high school, don't you think it might be a good idea to make sure everything is okay yourself? It was commonly believed by many coaches that Bledsoe wouldn't get eligible. Add that red flag to his incredible jump in academic production and you have to believe there was a problem. And guess what? There is a problem. Based on the Derrick Rose precedent, it doesn't matter if the NCAA thinks UK was unaware of the problem (and with the reputations involved here, that's a big if). If they retroactively declare Bledsoe ineligible, the whole season could be vacated. I'm sure if that happens, UK fans will still insist that Calipari has never been mentioned in NCAA sanctions. Just like at UMass and Memphis.

Recently, the world lost Dennis Hopper and Gary Coleman. Not in that order. I'd heard rumors a couple of months ago that Hopper was in bad shape. Coleman was a mess. Not hard to be surprised at him going although he didn't seem to have the big ass drug problems as his costars. But pretty sad commentary that a porn star laments the tragic lack of a childhood that Coleman had.

I don't watch beauty contests very often. Actually, outside of the ones at Hooters where I know some of the entries, I don't at all. Why should I? I have the internet. I can look at all the scantily clad hotties I like. All I get in a beauty contest is whether they can walk in heels. Much better when they fall on their ass. So I didn't pay much attention when the latest Miss USA was crowned. In fact, I didn't even know it was going on until I heard some inane chatter about the winner being the first Arab to win it. Still didn't care. Contest was always full of mindless political correctness. But then photos surfaced of her winning a pole dancing contest at strip joint (although clothed). Now I'm intrigued. And she's probably dead if she goes to Iran. I'm just wondering how soon that will get added as part of the talent competition.

Speaking of dirty dancing, a video emerged of Billy Ray Cyrus' retarded child doing a dirty dance at a movie wrap party. While sixteen. I'm sure Hannah Montana fans will be thrilled. Well, the ones who wear trench coats and take pictures at the park might like it. I've always assumed that was a large part of her fan base. To be honest, I never thought she was very cute so I don't understand the "wait until she's 18" crowd. Have to wonder about those who do find her attractive. She seems to be the obsession of a gay dude in his 40s. Not sure how to figure that out. She might want to start learning showtunes.

These are the crime stories I love. Two men were feuding about parking. Parking? WTF? I'm too lazy to carry on an actual feud over that. But these guys did. Until one shot the other with an arrow. I like that the victim had to actually see an arrow before realizing he was shot. But not as much as I like the mugshot. It says he is 41. Looks older than Uncle Jesse.

Maybe I should take a trip to Europe.

Do a little search on this blog and you'll find my ridicule of British police for routinely arresting old people for fighting back against teenage thugs instead of arresting those teenage thugs. Now they've really gone stupid. They're breaking into people's houses to show them that it can be done. Next they'll murder a few people to show that can happen too. Seriously, is this the best use of police force? To wander around looking for houses with unlocked windows to leave them a bag with their own possessions in it? Why not take a dump on the carpet to warn them about the perils of vandalism?

Just in time for Memorial Day. Richard Blumenthal is running for Senator in Connecticut. Apparently the NY Times and Washington Post have outed him as a bit of a liar about his Vietnam War record. Namely that he would mention his time in Vietnam even he was in the Marine Reserves and never went over there. I do like that the initial focus of his campaign was to defend the deferments. I guess they don't want any connection to accusations that George Bush faced, but Bush never claimed to have actually been there. Blumenthal says he misspoke, and often said he never actually served in Vietnam. But does anyone believe this is the first case of him doing this? He's allowed the impression that he had served in Vietnam get to the point that numerous newspaper articles have included that in his bio. He's a well known media whore so the likelihood that he didn't know about those articles is crap, and the fact that he didn't make any attempt to correct them is good indication he was happy with that deception. While a lot of vets are unhappy about it, I'm guessing won't matter for most voters in Connecticut (as it would in say Alabama), but it should. Especially when the best he can do is an emailed apology to a newspaper. I think this should be a big story. I've watched my brother leave his family for three overseas tours of duty where people are losing life and limb. I would never respect anyone who tried to pass off his sacrifices as their own. And for Vietnam vets, it's an even worse case. Not only did they have people shooting at them, but unlike vets of wars before and since, they had a noncommittal homefront with a lot of outright hostility from a large segment. I guess it's a sign of progress though. It took ten years for a welcome home parade for Vietnam vets who were often stereotyped as murderers and psychopaths. Now instead of actual vets downplaying their service, you have others trying to use it to advance their political career.

But people are all the time lying or exaggerating for political advancement. And here is a new one. Some guy running in the Democratic primary was accused of faking his bisexuality by his opponent (an ugly straight woman). I was surprised to see it wasn't in some place like San Francisco but in Philadelphia. I guess it really is the city of brotherly love. But this is what you should expect with identity politics. I'm not sure which should be more offensive to gay people. That someone might claim to engage in part time buggery because he thinks it'll get him the gay vote. Or that some 70 year old witch has decided she can decide someone else's sexuality for him. Well, the witch won. I guess the wannabe gay guy should have put out an ad showing himself kissing a bunch of guys at a gay bar.

But it's not just politics that now has a gay litmus test. It's softball. Well, a men's league. We know straights don't play women's softball. A team from a San Francisco gay softball league was DQed from the Gay Softball World Series for not being gay enough. Same situation. Guys may be pretending to like sausage while having a girlfriend. To find out, event organizers interrogated team members about their sexual preference. Guess that's better than making them get on their knees to provide a certain service to prove it. I guess in this league, you need to bring your personal sextapes with you.

How cute. Some company decided that regular vibrators use too much energy so they came up with one the is eco-friendly. It has a hand crank. Like those emergency flashlights. I hope the women are quick. Those flashlights don't last long at all. Oh, and how cute. It was originally designed for women living in the Third World who don't have access to electricity. I'm sure vibrators are high on their list of priorities. But never fear. Cave dwellers can be resourceful. A German university found a 30,000 year old dildo in a cave. It was all broken, but they put it back together (who got that fun task). Even better, it combines the hand cranked sex toy and flashlight together because it was also used to start fires. Although probably not at the same time.

It is Memorial Day weekend, and I've always been curious about what kind of programming movie channels and such would carry. Scanning through the listings, I see that AMC, Fox Movie Channel and even Encore were doing the usual with films dedicated to war movies. Turner Classic Movies did a Clint Eastwood marathon which could have been okay since it was also his birthday. However, I think they could have picked some pictures with more of a soldier theme. As much as I like the Dollar Trilogy, only The Good, The Bad and The Ugly had any soldiers in it. Which left Where Eagles Dare and Kelly's Heroes (two of my favorite WWII movies) to also fit for Memorial Day. No Heartbreak Ridge? Of course they may not have had access to all his movies since they started the day with The First Traveling Saleslady which may have been his first real credit but doesn't seem to be much of a part for him. But then you have the Independence Film Channel. They decided to show war movies too. Most of which focused on Russian or French soldiers and women in occupied Europe. Uh-huh. I guess they weren't aware that Memorial Day is an American specific holiday. But that wasn't too surprising. Yet, it wasn't a movie channel that was most disappointing. It was the History Channel. They did a Pawn Stars marathon. Now I like Pawn Stars. But you would think that of all the TV channels to have something planned around Memorial Day, it would be the History Channel.

Ah Mexico & Other Crap

2010-05-25T21:42:00.043-04:00

Considering how many of my neighbors are originally from Mexico, I used to not really be concerned about migration from Mexico. Yeah, I don't like illegal immigration (more on that later), but the only reason I've been concerned about how many get in from Mexico is fairness. We can't take everyone so why should someone from Mexico get precedence because they can walk across a seemingly unmanned border? Is that fair to Africans, Asians or Eastern Europeans who also live in poverty and would like to move to America for economic opportunity? But I didn't worry too much. Hell, immigration from Mexico has to be better than other places. Say, Pakistan. But still, for the most part, I like Mexico. If Taco Bell hadn't bastardized Mexican cuisine, I wouldn't have the Volcano Taco. But then a couple of things happened. First was a bunch of dickhead high schoolers. You're attending an American high school paid for by American tax dollars and you want fellow students suspended for wearing American Flag shirts on a Mexican holiday? Some people have lost their friggin minds (and the fact that this is in California explains why it may be the first state to go bankrupt). Does anyone think I'd be kicked out of an Irish pub in Boston for wearing that shirt on St Patrick's Day? I now don't want immigrants coming there if their ability to assimilate is so stunted that they find it offensive to wear the flag of the country that feeds and protects them on a holiday for the hellhole their parents fled.

Then came Felipe Calderon who happens to be the leader of said hellhole. He stands up in front of Congress to condemn the new law of Arizona that seeks to deal with the fact that our southern border might have a few leaks. Maybe if I thought he had a point, I might shrug it off. Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuut...........noted right winger Wolf Blitzer managed to get Calderon to admit that American immigration laws might be a little less strict than other countries of the western hemisphere. Like Mexico. Almost seems hypocritical for him to lecture us considering the abuses that occur to immigrants moving through Mexico. Did I say "almost"? I meant what an asshole he is. Let's face it. Calderon doesn't want immigration reform. He wants to keep it the way it is. The economic boon they were supposed to get from NAFTA never really materialized. Might have something to do with a country being so lawless that drug gangs actually attacked army bases. So of course he needs his countrymen streaming into America so they can send money back home. It's a major part of their GDP. They don't abuse Central American illegals in Mexico because they're taking away jobs there. They're afraid an illegal Honduran will take a job from an illegal Mexican in the states. If Calderon really gave two craps about his people, he'd want to do something about it. As it is now, illegal immigration means the people trying to sneak in are preyed upon by all types of criminals. Human traffickers (including forced prostitution), drug smugglers, illegal sweatshop owners, identity thieves and the like. But what's a few Mexicans left to die in the desert by a a coyote as long as others get through to send half their paycheck back home.

While Calderon was making an ass of himself, so were several Congressmen (who may or may not have been from the majority party but in fact, were) who stood and applauded. They may re-think that in the fall if they were on camera for it. Which begs the question whether it's a good law or not. Of course it it. Some people are so out of touch with reality that MSNBC actually ran a headline saying the law made it a crime to be an illegal immigrant. Okaaaaaaaaay. I'm sure they'll find more illegal things to make illegal. The fact is that Arizona has had to deal with a lot of problems because we do nothing to secure our border with Mexico. We have enough criminals here. Why import more? And this nonsense about Arizona lawmen running wild to arrest illegals is plain stupid. Cops have a lot to do. They aren't cruising around looking for illegals. Plus, the law is clear they have to have stopped the suspect for something else first, and only then check their immigration status if something is suspicious. Which means if an illegal is pulled over for reckless driving, speaks no English, and has no ID, the police may check with the feds. Is it fair that a traffic stop could lead to someone being deported? Hell yeah. He broke the law to get here. Sympathy for him is in short supply. What isn't fair is letting him go while someone who has gone through the regular immigration process has to wait to get here.

I've only owned three cars in my life. Ran them to death before trading in for a new one. Always GM. Although I've never bought a "new" car in my life. But I may not buy a GM in the future. A government owned car company makes me think inefficient, low quality and overpriced. Not a great selling point for the future. But then came the ad stating they had paid back the federal government in full for the bailout loans. Now I expect a certain level of dishonesty in advertising but not such a bald face lie. Anyone with any cognitive thought realized it would be impossible for GM to payback billions in loans when they haven't made a profit in years. And sure enough, it was a big ass lie. The repayment money was taken from other bailout money. Which shows it's definitely government run because it has the same mindset. After all, the Social Security Administration invests its funds in Treasury bonds. Which means any money from social security taxes not paid out to retirees was "invested" in an entity that doesn't produce a return on investment. Basically the surplus was sent to the general fund to be spent profligately. Really not much different than taking one set of bailout dollars to pay off another and bragging about it.

Here's a truly heart-warming story. College and high school students in Washington, DC have joined together to rally for a cause - Trojan condoms. They're crying because health officials are supplying (for free) the non-trendy Durex condoms. The complaints? Don't like getting it from nurses which reminds them of their aunt or grandmother. Wusses. Poor quality which apparently means the quality of the wrapper since the Durex are just as good at the job. Oh, and the schools are full of John Holmes' wannabes who think the Durex are too small so they want the Magnum, the greatest marketing ploy ever. Which means the DC government is stupid for buying the Magnum and giving it out because a condom is supposed to be tight. If it isn't, it has a better chance for a breakage. So, I think before the nurse passes out the Magnum condom, she should make the student drop his pants so she can check that he's better endowed. This whole story is a joke. Save money and buy the Durex. If they're too stupid to use proper protection because it's not in a shiny wrapper, let them die. Besides, they interviewed a 30 year old college student. Seriously, man, get off your parents' couch and buy your own if you want a higher priced rubber.

Now I know I'm a bit of a UN critic, but is there anyone besides Ted Turner who gives the United Nations credibility anymore? They've had Libya chair the Human Rights Commission with Sudan as a member. They've had Zimbabwe chair a committee on sustainable development (I guess to tell us what they've done wrong). So, I guess having Iran be on the UN's Women's Rights commission is par for the course. I guess when Iran executes another teenage rape victim, it won't make the agenda.

I've never been interested in soccer before, but I sometimes get interested in soccer stories. Well, soccer stories about big busted prostitutes who may have been 17 when they began their sordid profession. Normally I won't defend users of underage whores, but then I saw the pictures of her. I'm assuming those are recent pictures so I have to admit, I'd have never thought she was underage so I doubt they were hiring her because they wanted a call girl to pretend to be a young girl. And I must say one thing makes me happy. She's French and yet willing to begin gainful employment at 17. You can't get most of those lazy bastards to work at all.

But that isn't the creepiest sports sex story I've read recently. That goes to the guy who went undrafted in the NFL despite having mid-round ability. The reason? He banged his sister. But it was while they were in high school when people don't have much common sense. To be honest, I'm not sure why he's on the sex offender registry for this. As noted in the story, it was consensual or he would be coded differently. He was 16, she was 15. If they weren't related, this would not be a crime. I'm not sure that having consensual sex with someone a year younger than you really makes you a potential predator which is the whole point of a sex offender registry. Having consensual sex with someone a year younger than you who happens to be your sister does make it creepy, and the plot of a lot of adult movies (or so I've been told). But considering the NFL has guys who have dealt drugs, beat their wives and killed people, creepy doesn't seem like that big a deal.

And this story isn't sports story but it's a lot more disturbing than some guy banging his sister. A man turned a woman he dated into the cops for giving him a sexually transmitted disease. It became a police matter because she also gave it to his dog.

Great. Someone came up with a grand plan to regulate the banking industry. Has a whole bunch of goodies to make sure financial institutions won't fail. How lucky we are to have Congress, a group of people who have proven a lack of any understanding of economics time and again, to protect us from risk. Of course, economic progress is based on risk. Banks accept a certain level of risk when they loan money. If the risk works, they get their money back plus interest. If it doesn't, they lose the money. One of the biggest causes of the latest problems was Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac were giving out loans to anyone regardless of risk (and wants to again) and ended up having to be completely taken over by the government. Guess who somehow isn't part of this bill? Oh, Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. Makes sense. Face it. There is so much government regulation of the financial industry already. Most of the problem is so much of it is gray area stuff. The rest is that government regulators suck at their job. While all this was going on, a whole bunch of SEC staffers were surfing porn while on the job. How great to be a government bureaucrat. One guy tried had 16,000 hit attempts on porn sites. In a month. He got a two week suspension. Bet no one borrowed his desk chair while he was on it.

Speaking of lacking economic knowledge, one of Obama's flunkies has declared that the Value Added Tax is a good idea for raising revenue. This is a tax that is added in increments every step of the manufacturing process. Oh, and it is in addition to the sales tax. I like that supporters say "the burden does not have to fall on the consumer alone." BS. Every step of the manufacturing process will charge extra for their part. Most places have a small margin per unit processed. They make their profit on the quantity. That means to keep their profit the same, they have to raise the per unit price to keep pace with a VAT. Think about it. It's friggin' common sense.

I knew there was something I liked about Jennifer Love Hewitt. Well, two things.

More Draft Thoughts & Other Stuff

2010-04-24T22:49:00.032-04:00

What was up with the tight ends? New England, Baltimore, Houston, St. Louis and Seattle all took two tight ends in the draft. Cincinnati took only one, but he was the first tight end taken. Even though he didn't play his senior year because of an injury. Sounds like a good drafting strategy.

A couple of Canadian jerkasses in California may be in some trouble. After Canada beat the US in Olympic hockey, they thought it would be a good prank to take down an American flag and replace it with a Canadian one. The problem? They also tore up the American flag and buried it. Oh, and the flag has been flying as a memorial to people who died in the 9/11 attacks. Guess they didn't have time to stop by the local veterans cemetery and piss on their graves too. To be honest, I'm pretty strong on the First Amendment so I oppose flag desecration laws. With one caveat. It better be your own flag. Since it was someone else's (and was up as a memorial), I say throw the book at them. Then deport their Canuck asses. If they can't respect the country that immigrated to, throw them the hell out.

The recent suspension of Ben Roethlisberger made character a big theme for the shows. Now, I'm a Steelers fan, but not much of a Roethlisberger fan. I've long believed him to be stupid, and I don't really think he's improved much as a quarterback. In fact, I think the Steelers two recent Super Bowls wins were in spite of him. So, if Pittsburgh wanted to trade him, no problem here. Still, I think his six game suspension was BS. Do I think Roethlisberger is completely innocent? Not really. He seems pretty sleazy and a dick to boot. However, the NFL is asking for trouble when it suspends someone who was never arrested or charged with a crime. For one, it creates a precedent. Where do you draw the line on whether an accusation is credible? Or where do you draw the line on what is worthy of a penalty? Should it just be an accused crime? What about a fraud accusation? Chad Johnson once got sued for offering a car for raffle and then keeping it. Is that enough now? We can all debate what happened in the Roethlisberger case, but without charges even being pressed, you can't say he is anything more than a jerk. Which brings us to problem number two. Consistency. Guess who else is being sued for sexual assault after prosecutors declined to press charges? Eric Foster. Who is he? Unknown defensive tackle with the Colts who will not be disciplined by the team for anything. Now the league may do something but I doubt it. He's not high profile. That brings a problem because the league and union are in contract negotiations with fear of a lockout looming. With an arbitrary system of discipline at work here, I have a feeling this system could become part of those negotiations.

Ah, Kim Kardashian. She's getting some grief for picking up a cat by the scruff of it's neck. PETA is outraged. Now the ASPCA says you can hold a cat like that but says she's setting a bad example for people who may not hold a cat correctly. That makes absolutely no sense to say she shouldn't hold a cat appropriately because it will encourage people to hold them inappropriately. This is why cat's should just be raised to feed cows. Personally, until I read the article itself, I didn't notice the cat. Kardashian has big boobs.

Was so cute to see Mel Kiper and Todd McShay get into a big argument over Dan LeFevour out of Central Michigan. To be honest, I see little difference between LeFevour who went in the sixth round and Tebow who went in the first. Except LeFevour was more productive. Now you could argue that Central Michigan played an easier schedule than Florida. Of course, Tebow had Florida players helping him versus Central Michigan ones. The Florida team with nine players drafted versus the CMU team with two.

Oh those silly Japanese. With their edible massage oil. In cola flavoring.

Hey, a Tiki Barber sighting. The ex-football player was supposed to be the big multi-media guy after his career was over. Which started well as he had gigs on Fox New, the Today show and NBC's crappy Sunday night football show. Then he slid onto MSNBC's Olympic coverage and then Yahoo's Olympic coverage. I think he's a bit player on the Today show now. I can't really remember seeing him on anything. And I never really understood why anyone thought he'd would do well at it. As a player, he was a pretentious ass. And he looks like Skeletor. And the genius left the Giants the offseason before they won the Super Bowl. But his timing is still bad. A man who once bitched about his dad leaving the family has left his wife for 23 year old woman. While his wife was 8 months pregnant with twins. Oh, and he previously got his girlfriend an internship at NBC. Good luck finding someone wanting to hire you now, you dumbass.

Oh wow. Conan O'Brien has landed on TBS. Yawn. The late night wars are the silliest news stories out there. These guys average a 1 rating if they're lucky. Which is why I don't watch any of them. But what I like about the story is how George Lopez was okay with O'Brien coming on board and willing to move to midnight. Well, George Lopez can't even beat out reruns of his old TV show on Nick at Night. I'm not sure how much leverage he has.

Here was an odd story. Florida State safety Myron Rolle's passion for football was questioned which may have caused him to drop in the draft. Why was it questioned? Oh right, he was awarded a Rhodes Scholarship and spent his senior year in Oxford. Granted, I might also question it if he had spent his senior season backpacking around Europe, but this is a once in a lifetime chance. He can have a nice NFL career and go onto regular post-graduate work, but they won't hold open a Rhodes Scholarship. Here's where it gets plain stupid. Rolle drops to the sixth round because of this. Yet, Mike Williams out of Syracuse was picked in the fourth round. All he did was quit on his team last year. Literally. Gee, whose dedication is more questionable?

Here's a story to warm your heart. A woman is seven months pregnant, but has the time to interact with people in the old neighborhood. By stabbing three of them. I think my favorite part of the story is that she "fled the scene in a Porsche SUV". What all the fine criminals are driving.

Myron Rolle skipped his senior year of football to go to Oxford. Scott Sicko is skipping any chance at an NFL career to get his graduate degree in history. Now, I think he's foolish because he could try the NFL and then go back to school. But if this analyst is right and he is only skipping the NFL because he didn't have the prestige of being drafted, he's probably better off. If he's only concerned about being drafted and not making a team, I'd have to question his passion for football.

Sometimes you just wonder what planet people come from. Some Muslims attending Trinity University are want the words "Our Lord" removed from the diplomas. Not "Our Lord" as part of a prayer. Just "In The Year Of Our Lord". Are you kidding me? And it's not like they are forcing the students to go to church. It's called Trinity University. As in the Father, Son and Holy Spirit? That alone should tell you that there is a Christian heritage to it. What's their next plan? Have the school change its name?

I do love the draft grades. Granted even the ones who give them out will say you can't really grade a draft for a few years. But you get the funny ones like how everyone seems to like Seattle's draft because Russell Okung, Earl Thomas and Golden Tate were taken at spots later than expected. So, how do you credit the team for sitting there and waiting for the teams ahead of them to pass on better players?

There's an owl in England that's afraid of heights. Chickenshit.

Lots of trades went down during the draft. Instead of drafting running backs, the Seahawks traded for Leon Washington and Lendale White. One coming off an injury and one fat. But the big trade was Washington sending Jason Campbell to the Raiders. Mostly likely to replace Jamarcus Russell. Although, he'd need to carry a jockey on his back to truly replace him. But who knew Russell would be a bust. Besides me. To be honest, the trade seems odd to me even with that. Campbell is mediocre so he's ten times better than Russell. What's odd is the Raiders are fixated on a deep passing game. Campbell doesn't throw deep. Genius. Raiders. Synonymous.

I was fairly interested when I heard there was a Sandra Bullock sex tape. Well, very interested. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. Then I heard about the alleged contents of the tape. Yeah, not so interested anymore.

NFL Draft (1st Three Rounds) & Some Other Stuff

2010-04-23T21:15:00.028-04:00

Our long national nightmare ended with the 25th pick in the first round when Tim Tebow was drafted by the Denver Broncos. I kid. Apparently, I'm one of the few people who doesn't either love or hate him. I don't think he's the end-all/be-all of nice people. He's kind of hokey and gets a little full of himself (but if I was a great college quarterback, I'd probably be a lot worse). But some people absolutely hate him on a personal level. They portray him as holier than thou and a hypocrite about his religious faith. Not sure why. So what if he gives thanks to God for his ability. I find that better than nick-naming oneself "Prime Time". And I certainly don't think his faith is for show. He's at a big party school with people trying to play "Gotcha" on him without any stories coming out about him. Hell, he's the guy who was pissed off that girls would ask him to pose for a picture with them and try to pull their shirts up. How terrible. Girls wanting to flash you. Actually, Tebow is a jerk to complain about that.

But I still think Denver was dumb to take him that high. His biggest attribute according to the pundits who liked him was his leadership, but Tom Jackson put it best when he said how important is that leadership if he can't get on the field. I'm not saying that Tebow can't become a good NFL quarterback, but the NFL is kind of a bad place to learn how to pass the ball accurately. And he wasn't that accurate. He had a good completion percentage, but one reason was that he wouldn't throw anything but a safe pass. Too often he would take off and run. Not fast like Michael Vick, but through defenders. Which worked at Florida. Too bad NFL teams are full of linebackers who are as big as college linemen and as fast as college safeties. Trying to run through them will get him killed. No one questions his work ethic so he could certainly work his way into being a decent quarterback. But you don't use a first round pick on a development quarterback. You pay them too much money without expectation that he'll start.

The most seriously twisted story of the month. Larry King is getting his 28th divorce (give or take a few). Because he may have been banging his sister-in-law. Now he could be losing some of his homes. Even worse? The sister-in-law is denying it. By stating she considered she thinks of King "like a father" (ouch). Apparently a father who buys her hundreds of thousand of dollars worth of gifts just for having sex with him.

After the Tebow watch, we got the fun of waiting for Jimmy Clausen of Notre Dame to be drafted. I'm not sold on him either. One of the pluses listed for Clausen was that he had a fiery personality and wanted the ball in the fourth quarter. Yeah? Must have wanted to suck the rest of the game. He had a losing record as a starter.

Okay. Maybe Steven Seagal possibly hiring sex slaves is a little more twisted than the Larry King story. Although at least he was paying them. And they were Russian. What else was he supposed to do with them? And now ex-wife Kelly LeBrock (who may or may not have been in other movies besides Weird Science) is piling on. She plans to tell all about him in a book soon. But won't say anything now because of their children (it's always about the damned children). I guess she's afraid the children would be devastated to find out their Dad is a pervert. But would be okay finding that out as long as Mom makes a buck off of it.

First pick Sam Bradford became almost an afterthought as they kept waiting for Tebow and Clausen to get picked. A lot of guys don't like him because of the system he played in. Which is a concern because his receivers were open a lot (although they must have stopped being open when Bradford got hurt last year since his backup sucked). Still, every time I watched him play, I thought he was really good at getting the ball right where the receiver needed it. For reasons I don't understand, scouts and pundits underrate accuracy in the NFL. They love the big arm even though the Jamarcus Russells can't hit squat with their big arm, but guys like Matt Hasselbeck and Jeff Garcia have success for years because they can hit moving targets all day. Does that mean Bradford will have a great career. Beats me. Mainly because something is going to beat him. He's going to a horrid Rams team and will likely be thrown into the starting lineup from day one.

I read the Obamas were going to be on American Idol (since I'm not even sure what day the show airs, I must have missed it). Good for them. They're hardly ever on TV.

I wasn't surprised Colt McCoy went as late as he did. I think of the first four quarterbacks taken, he may have the best career. Especially if the Browns decide to use up what's left of Jake Delhomme next year to take a beating while they rebuild the whole team. Someone on the broadcast (can't remember who) had a good point. Said Mike Holmgren was of the mindset that if someone wasn't an elite quarterback, you could wait until later while you fill needs. So, if you think the next Peyton Manning is there, take them in the first round. But you can wait on the next Matt Hasselbeck. And you can win with a Hasselbeck. But who knows, you might get the next Drew Brees who had the same knock on him (height) that McCoy has. Didn't seem to hurt him last year.

Man, stories keep getting weirder and weirder. Some guy who became an internet millionaire (and obviously bankrupt later) was arrested for a animal sex operation in Washington. What is it with that state? He was found because he became buddies with a another guy into doing it with horses. I'm pretty jaded and not a lot surprises me anymore. But when I go to the part about them having to euthanize mice.......................that did it.

Tyson Alualu was the first showing of my pet peeve - The Reach. Everyone says the Jags could have traded back and still got him. Yeah? What if no one wants the 10th pick? Who do you trade with? Sorry but I'm still not buying this belief that you don't take someone with the 10th pick if everyone thinks they should be drafted in the 20s or later. If Jacksonville needed a defensive tackle and thought he was worth a first round pick, take him with the 10th if you can't get a deal.

Some deputy sheriff in Colorado is in trouble for using his stun gun on 30 students at a high school jobs fair. At their request. Several students were burned by it with one going to the hospital. Which reinforces my belief that high school kids are stupid. After the first couple of people got burns from it, why would anyone else be stupid enough to think they wouldn't?

Oh, here's a great story from the draft. Southern Cal DB Taylor Mays is pissed at former coach (now Seattle coache) Pete Carroll for not drafting him in the first round. I guess. How stupid of Carroll for taking the second best safety instead of some guy whose production never matched up with his athletic ability. Why did Mays think Carroll was dishonest with him about what to do with the draft? Because Carroll told him his tackling was fine and he would be okay. Uh-huh. I don't see where Carroll said he was a first round lock or anything like that. Moron apparently thinks being drafted in the second round is some kind of free-fall. Hey, genius, safeties rarely get drafted in the first round. Being drafted in the second round is being okay.

Don't want any women getting too excited, but they just found a lizard in the Philippines. It has two penises. Or is that penii? Spell checker says penii is not a word so I guess it's penises. I like that the article stresses that "males" have them. Were they worried some readers would assume the female lizards also have double penises? What would I do with two penises? Besides a career in adult cinema. Probably be better coordinated with my left hand.

Don't really like the new Thursday/Friday/Saturday draft format. Just three rounds over the first two days? And with the second and third round on Friday, the first pick was at 6. Just too early. I like two long days of drafting.

Woman almost kills boyfriend with really large boobs. That is all.

More College Hoops & Other Stuff

2010-04-03T19:21:00.036-04:00

Well, as stated before, having Duke in the title game against Butler means you have the good versus evil. The expensive private university versus..........well another expensive private university. Of course, only one team is the overachiever. Duke started the season ranked 9th in the country so they were expected to be a top team. But Butler started the season ranked way behind Duke...........at 11th. Hmmm. The David versus Goliath narrative is struggling. But a look at the past title games, Butler will be unique whether they win or lose. All because of football. If Butler does win, it will be the first time since UNLV in 1990 that a school from a non-BCS conference has won the basketball title. But if they don't, they'll be the first team from a non-BCS conference to lose the title game since.........well, since Memphis two years ago. And Utah in '98. And UNLV in 1991. While there have been some mid-major conference teams in the title game, they still played Division I-A football. You have to go back to 1989 when Seton Hall lost the title game to find a participant that didn't play division I-A football. And Villanova (1985) and Georgetown (1984) were the last winners not to play football at the top division. But all three of those were from the Big East as non-football members. You have to go all the way back to 1979 when Indiana State to find a non-Big East team playing Division I-AA or lower in the title game. You have to go back a couple of years before with Independent Marquette to actually find a one who did it.

A giant isopod. A two and a half foot long rolypoly found on the side of an oil rigs submarine. Rather disgusting looking creature. Wonder what it tastes like.

I don't have any real problem with Apple products. Granted I probably won't buy an iMac or MacBook. Pay too much for the brand. But I grew up on an Apple IIc. I like my iPod. I'm even considering an iPhone. So I don't really have anything against Apple. But the iPad is flat stupid. Spending $500 for an oversized iPod Touch. Outside of having a larger screen for watching clips, what can you do on it that you can't do on an iPhone? Except have to carry it under your arm instead of in belt clipped carrying case. It certainly can't replace a laptop for me because I need a real keyboard. Yet, here we go again with Apple nerds standing in line to get it. I'm not sure which is more pathetic. The nine year old kid who spent his $500 in savings (how does a nine year old save that kind of money) or the one who dressed in an iPad costume.

Oh, and I'm rooting for Duke over Butler. Not because I think they'll win although I do. Butler has been winning because of defense. Mainly, they've been causing boatloads of turnovers. That probably won't be the case with Duke who was top 20 in fewest turnovers. Of Butler's previous five tourney opponents, only UTEP (134th) and Michigan St (198th) even cracked the top 200. And I'm not rooting for Duke because it will piss off UK fans. That's just a fringe benefit. I'm just rooting for Duke because Nolan Smith's father Derek Smith was a key member of the 1980 Louisville championship team.

Oh wow. Dubai has put a British couple in jail for public kissing. As I mentioned before, it shouldn't be surprising. And shows one of the reasons that Dubai may have had a financial meltdown back in the fall. Yes, they had overbuilt their real estate and infrastructure (their version of economic stimulus), but Dubai's leaders were driven to be a financial and tourism hub. And they had some success with it, but in the long run, who would want to do business there if you could get arrested after having a business lunch? And tourism? Sounds like a party town to me.

Kim Kardashian was apparently dumped by Reggie Bush because his mother was "uncomfortable" about her sex tape with that crappy rapper. Has his mother actually seen the tape? It wasn't very good. In fact, Kardashian should be embarrassed by it. As noted before, she laid there like a cold fish.

Fuddy duddy time at the tournament. Usually you just have whiny reporters making a big deal about graduation rates of the NCAA teams. But this year we get an idiot bureaucrat. Actually, the top education bureaucrat who is also an idiot. Should there be some connection between college athletics and actual academics? Sure. Make them meet certain standards to get in. Make them maintain certain standards. But everyone knows the point of college isn't really for learning stuff as much as it is for getting a job. Basketball players have a limited window of earning opportunity. If they leave early to play pro basketball, then college has done its duty. Enhanced their earning potential. And many basketball players enhance their visibility to pro teams during the tournament so banning today's players (who may be on target to graduate) would actually hurt them. Does it make sense to punish today's players over something recruits from nine years ago did? Besides, basketball players are a minuscule part of the college population. Should the federal government be worrying about that small a sample? What's next? Demanding that the marching band maintain a certain level of graduation in order to perform at games? Why stop at extra-curricular activities? The federal government gives grants to universities all the time. Why not make those grants dependent on the school's graduation rate? Seems only fair to me.

Let's take a look at New Jersey. Some kid got on the speaker system at a Wal-mart and told all black people to leave. Tacky prank for sure. Except in this town where it is considered a criminal case of "harassment and bias intimidation." Want some better news? The local police department put all their detectives on the case. That's 13 police detectives trying to find a 16 year old kid playing a prank. Oh, and they're trying to get phone records to trace a phone call where someone else called and asked the store employees to tell blacks to get out. Even though the store didn't, the police are going to waste time going thru all that. Are you kidding me? This is New Jersey. Are they trying to tell me that there's not enough crime in that state? If I was a taxpayer in that town, I'd be demanding to know why a 13 member detective squad was so underutilized that they could all work on solving a teenager's prank.

Oh goody. Apparently the NCAA is strongly considering expanding the NCAA men's basketball tournament from 65 teams to 96. What a stupid idea. It's a joke that there is even that 65th team. I said last year that it was stupid to have a play-in game just to keep an extra big conference team. Now they want to stick another 31 teams in? More mediocre teams from major conferences? Just to have another round? And how is that going to affect the seeding? They want to seed each region 1-24 and give 1-8 a bye while 9-24 play each other. Which is a screw job for the 9-12 seeds. Because there isn't that much difference between them and the 7 and 8 or even down to the 5 seeds. In fact, the 9, 10, 11 and 12 seeds went 8-8 against the 8, 7, 6 and 5 seeds. Yet, 5-8 will get a bye. The biggest crap is the 8 seed versus a 9. Since seeding began, the 9 seed actually has a winning record over the 8. Yet, in the future, the historical winning spot will be forced to play an extra game. Brilliant.

Ah, Jesse James. I guess he decided that Tiger Woods' affair stories were too tame so he decided to cheat on Sandra Bullock. With multiple partners. Even worse, they're rather nasty looking. And the first may be a Nazi. But as we get up to 11 potential mistresses, a picture surfaces of him in a Nazi hat giving a Nazi salute. Woods has nothing on this guy. At least he can tell his wife, "Hey, don't be too hard on me. At least I never had unprotected sex with a tattoo worker named Skittles in an orgy." But really, who is surprised by this? The guy is a biker. His last wife was a porn star. Slumming in the gutter with skanks is not a shocker.

But I don't care that much about the whole story. Except for one thing, Gloria Allred is representing one of the mistresses. As I pointed out in a case where she represented one of Woods' conquests, Allred has lost a lot of credibility. Actually, she had none with me. I've always found her to be a dumb bitch. But at least at one point, she tried to pretend she was some kind of civil rights attorney. Although suing a store over gender specific toy sections tells me that she's a grandstander who is willing to waste the court's time and money while trivializing real discrimination just to get on the news. But now she's the attorney specializing in representing the "Other Woman" in celebrity adultery cases so everyone can see she's just a sanctimonious media hound with little or no principles.

What would the Vikings think? Iceland is banning all strip clubs.

Final Four & Other Stuff

2010-03-28T21:03:00.039-04:00

Well, UK didn't make the Final Four and UL didn't sniff it. Who could have predicted it? Well, I kind of did. And said watch out for Northern Iowa to boot. Of course if I knew what the Hell I was talking about, I would have won the big pool and not just Jon's where everyone except me picked Kansas or UK. Helps to pick two of the Final Four teams even if your eventual champion pick blows it. UL losing wasn't a surprise to me. They did what they do. Came out unprepared. Flat. Looked like crap. I wish Pitino would take the St. John's job. Then we could hire the Butler coach.

UK losing wasn't that big of a surprise either although I thought UK had a better chance of winning it all than UL did of beating Duke. And just what I said before is what did them in. Inexperience and cold shooting. But I didn't mention poor coaching. West Virginia got hot in the first half from the three point line which was unexpected. But why didn't UK press the whole game? WVU had one ball handler and he wasn't that great of a dribbler. Even when he was out with foul trouble, UK didn't press for several minutes. And I almost forgot, UK really lost because of a conspiracy by the NCAA, the selection committee, a referee on the take and the Illuminati. I read that on the Cats' Pause message board.

I see that Jay Leno is getting the Tonight Show back in the ratings. But who knows if that will last. I just never really got the whole Leno/Conan issue. On a side note, I will call him Conan because I don't want to use extra apostrophes. I didn't really watch either of them. Both were amusing in their own way, but I didn't think it was enough to watch either of them if something else was on. The only late night show I miss was G.L.O.W. with it's awesome plots and insightful dialogue. But I did not understand all the people who were so pissed off that NBC was bringing Leno back over Conan. Really. Why do I get the feeling that those people didn't really watch the Tonight Show? That they just had a feeling that they liked Conan better? Oh right. Because NBC brought Leno back because the ratings were in the toilet. If you really like Conan better, maybe you should watch.

Shitbox. Ha ha.

Anyway, sounds like UK could be losing just about all of their team. Who could have thought that. Besides me, and even I didn't think Dodson and Orton might go too. Which means on the plus side for UK fans, Calipari won't be getting an NBA job soon. After all, if you can't beat West Virginia with an NBA roster. How are you going to beat NBA teams with one?

Sounded like a bad story to begin with. A Thai monk was arrested for selling tiger skins. Then came the good news. It was only dog and cow skins made up to look like tiger skins to fool the stupid. Well, not so good for the dogs and cows, I guess. But at least they had hamburgers first.

Why didn't I think of this? Explaining away my criminal (alleged) behavior because I was stabbed by a teenage girl while trying to entice her into a threesome. Although in hindsight, she could have just said no.

Suppose that before the NCAA tournament started, we were told only one #1 seed would make the Final Four? I'm guessing that if we were polled on which that would be, Duke would have been last. Yet, there they are. And no, I'm not buying the belief they had a much easier road than anyone else. I could look at anyone's region and find reasons to make that claim. Yes, Duke's region had what looks like the weakest two seed, but Villanova was a #2 seed in the Big East tournament which was ahead of WVU (the #2 seed in UK's bracket). But when you get to the Elite Eight, you're facing a team that is either very good or very hot. And UK's region had two mid-majors (New Mexico was the weakest 3 seed ever) and a Big 10 team incapable of winning on the road in the 3-5 ranges. And I could make similar claims about the other regions.

Then there is the fat woman. Now, I don't usually make fat slurs because........well, I'm fat. But some woman is just trying to be ridiculed. She wants to be the fattest woman in the world. After seeing her picture, I'm amazed she isn't already. But she's got a boyfriend who is all for it because he's a "belly man". Not sure if she has a belly or is just a corpulent mass. Now, I'm all for people doing whatever whackjob thing they want to do. But I cannot believe she makes money by getting guys to pay to watch her eat.

What's the problem with government? Well, a lot of things. But here's one. Too many A-holes. Some jerkwad in California wants to do away with the scourge of America - free parking. Why do I get the feeling that the California legislature has their own parking garage?

Of course, maybe the problem is that jerkoff doesn't have a parking garage builder in his district. That seems to be the case of Illinois (Land Of Obama soon to replace Land of Lincoln on license plates) where some asshat legislator is trying to claim a tire burning plant is clean energy. As someone who has set fire to a variety of things, burning tires aren't clean. Apparently, pollution is okay if you're trying to get votes.

What a strange story. A bunch of companies are saying that the new health care reform act that will spend a trillion or more dollars to cover maybe half the uninsured people will cost them money? How is that possible? Shouldn't this bill lead to magic and unicorns? Gee, you pass a bill that adds to a company's bottom line. That must lead to good things. I'm sure these companies will rush right out and hire more employees to help get the economy back on its feet. Get a clue people. When you raise the cost of doing business, people find a way to do it cheaper. So, don't act surprised when the company continues having the business done in cheaper countries.

Oh, and drop the prescription drug coverage for retirees and let them go on the Medicare drug plan. Which is why there was a subsidy to companies. To keep them from doing just that when the prescription drug plan for Medicare was implemented. Now they will and the government will be on the hook for all the costs instead of just part of it. Of course that amount wasn't part of the original cost estimate for the health care plan. Which means that the already BS assumptions are even further off.

But what the Hell. Why not trade jobs for socialized medicine? It's working so well for England where they can't even diagnose pregnancy. Because it's so similar to Irritable Bowel Syndrome or the rampaging shits. But at least no concerns about drowning since they sometimes decide you don't need water.

I don't really understand the level of animosity that people here have for Duke. That game was 18 years ago. Get over it. Although I guess the Duke hatred is national which I can't figure out. I'm pretty indifferent to Duke for the most part. The only UL-Duke game I remember is UL winning the 1986 championship. So, maybe I don't have that history of heartbreak others do. But why do so many hate Duke? Because their fans are a bunch of blue blood rich kids? A lot of them are, but I doubt if they have as many as Cornell which was a fan fave (outside of Kentucky) in the tournament. Is it because their fans are arrogant? Well, they may be but I can find (another) closer fanbase that seems pretty arrogant to me. Duke's can't be any worse. Is it because they win? They have for a long time, but Michigan State has been to six Final Fours in the past twelve years. Why doesn't anyone hate them? And so many hate Coach K (as always, I do not want to spell his name). That seems almost un-American to me. Sure he has some less than desirable coaching qualities (sideline demeanor, win at all costs attitude) but are they that much different from any successful coach? Personally, I find a lot to admire about him. A West Point grad who served his Army hitch and then returned become head coach there. And is still very involved with the academy. He also took over one of the most thankless jobs out there - coaching the US Olympic basketball team. That is the worst job in the world since NBA players started being used. If you don't win the gold medal, you're a failure. I used to think Larry Brown was one of the best coaches out there. After watching his dysfunctional mess in the 2004 games, I wouldn't hire him to coach a junior high team. But when you win like Coach K did in 2008, it's only because you had Kobe Bryant and Lebron James. Seems his services to his country should be enough to keep him from being evil incarnate in people's eyes, but I guess not.

NFL & other stuff

2010-03-14T14:13:00.040-04:00

The big news in the NFL offseason was that the collective bargaining agreement (CBA) has expired, and with no extension, it's an uncapped year. That means no salary cap for 2010. I had someone ask me if that means Dallas or Washington will do like the Yankees and buy a Super Bowl championship. The idea being that they sign a bunch of top free agents to huge one year contracts. Will that happen? In a word, no. To begin with, it doesn't void all the contracts that a team has. So Washington and Dallas already have large amounts of money owed to their players (with some guaranteed). Do they cut them and pay them not to play for them to get a better free agent? Even Jerry Jones and Dan Snyder aren't going to blow huge chunks of money on a one year upgrade because what happens the year after? They won't have any players. This is why Jones is already budgeting.

This must be why I'm a UL fan.

Of course, the main reason that the Cowboys and Redskins won't be able buy up free agents is because there aren't any. Dallas isn't the only team with players under contract. The lack of a CBA does not mean Drew Brees is suddenly available. Look at the list of top free agents. The top free agent quarterback is always injured Chad Pennington. I don't think Tony Romo is a very good quarterback, but Pennington wouldn't be an upgrade. That list is littered with backups and over-the-hill players. Plus, the expired CBA had a nice kicker in it. Players used to need only four or five years to be unrestricted free agents. This year? It's six. Unless a team wants to give up a bunch of draft picks, they aren't going after a lot of restricted free agents.

"Dogs Are Happy, Cats Are Evil." Glad to see I'm not the only one to recognize it.

Long term, I'm sure the big spending NFL teams could dominate, but that still depends on a lot of things. Namely talent evaluation. Back in the late 80s/early 90s (right before a salary cap was instituted), the top two teams were the Cowboys and 49ers who were the big spenders. However, while those teams would pick up the occasional Deion Sanders, they stayed good because they were able to retain their own players. Dallas could keep Emmitt Smith and the top O-line in the NFL. San Francisco could keep let Joe Montana go because they were able to keep an NFL Hall of Famer, Steve Young, as a backup for four years. Well, Dallas and Washington have been the big spenders in recent years even with the cap. And two playoff wins combined this century. That's because they sign big contracts to players that don't fit in with their team.

A Cuban dissident dies on a hunger strike? No way. Isn't that a Marxist paradise?

But they do need to get the salary cap back, but not just for the ceiling. Baseball's problem isn't just the Yankees. It's the Royals and the Pirates and such. Not only did the NFL have a cap on salaries, they had a floor. So cheap asses like Cincinnati could pay almost nothing on players to enhance profits. Which could have meant zero winning seasons in the salary cap era as opposed to the two they got. But one uncapped year isn't going to start a feeding frenzy by big dollar teams. But what it will do is allow teams who screwed up their cap before get healthy. For example, most people thought the Panthers would keep Jake Delhomme no matter how bad he was last year because he was owed $20 million guaranteed. In the past, they'd keep a player like that because they prorated that guaranteed money over the life of the contract so it wouldn't count as much against the yearly cap. Cut him now and and everything comes due when you don't have to worry. Based on how crappy he was last year, they have to pay him anyway, but now they won't have to worry about him getting on the field.

Awesome. Some people are up in arms over black Barbie being sold for a couple of bucks less than the same white version. Yeah, okay. The reason is the black version isn't selling well so they discounted it. But a simple answer is never a good excuse. People with too much time on their hands are making a big deal about it and saying Walmart should be sensitive and leave the price the same whether or not they can sell at that price. They even dredged up an old 1940s study that found most black children wanted white dolls. Of course, the article runs three pages without realizing the answers why the black doll isn't selling are right in the story. Mattel came out with a new line of black dolls that are selling well. Gee, is that how sales work? You come out with a new product that is selling while an old product isn't, and some idiots expect you to keep selling the new one at a price which means it won't sell? No wonder they're in academia. They couldn't survive the real world.

Speaking of idiots, there was an incident at a Washington DC mosque where some Muslim women had the cops sicced on them. Why? They tried to pray in the men's area of the place. Now I'm all for allowing religions to make their own worship rules so I'll leave that part alone. No, the real idiot of the story is the woman leading the charge. She converted to Islam back in the '90s. What a friggin' genius. That was around the time I visited a mosque for a history class. Want to know a little secret? They didn't allow women in the men's area then either. Why would you convert to a religion that doesn't allow the genders to worship together if that is something you feel strongly about? Oh, unless you are a complete idiot who just wants attention.

I mentioned before that a Cuban dissident died on a hunger strike in a Cuban prison. I wondered how Fidel Castro's idiot Hollywood morons would deal with that story. Then I realized they would ignore it. After all, they are morons for a reason. They don't have the intelligence gene. Well, I have a feeling how one of his buttboys would react. Sean Penn would go in full retard mode and declare the dissident deserved it. Hell, he'd probably say it was a shame that he wasn't killed to begin with. Why would I think this? Oh, because Penn actually said he hoped his critics died of ass cancer and followed that up with a belief that people should be jailed for calling Hugo Chavez of Venezuela a dictator. I guess shutting down opposition media and beating down opposition to his power grab isn't something common to dictators. I could point out the fact that Penn seems immune to the irony of him defending a "dictator" thru the use of dictatorial powers, namely locking up reporters for disagreeing with him. But irony is often lost on the stupid.

Haven't I warned people about the animals waging war against us? Now, you have an otter attacking some geriatric on a walk. When will you people realize they are after us?

Some dude got busted for stealing shredded cheese and got over seven years in jail. Man, that better be good cheese. Actually, it seems silly to lock a man up that long for putting cheese in his pants, but he is a lifelong criminal so I don't care. Plus, even if he is bipolar, so what. If someone like that can't keep from committing crimes due to their mental problems and they won't keep them locked up in the mental ward, prison may be the best option to protect the public from them.

Here's a dirty story. A woman was in a car wreck in Florida. Because she was shaving. Down there. Even better, her ex-husband was in the car. And she was driving to meet her boyfriend. I would say that's a dysfunctional relationship, but I suspect ex-husband is a euphemism for pimp and boyfriend is a euphemism for client.

And finally because you know you want it, the obligatory porn story. In England some woman is running for Parliament despite a long career in porn. Of course, I immediately checked out the story and was surprised that I didn't think she was very attractive. Then I read that she just produces them and never acts. Strangely enough, I lost interest.

College Basketball & Other Stuff

2010-03-07T12:18:00.039-05:00

As I sit here with the UK-Florida game on in the background, I'm reminded how funny I thought it was when several UK fans I know were irate that Billy Donovan turned down UK's coaching job. Donovan does have three trips to the NCAA Finals with two titles. But still.............I just think he's been a bit lucky on timing. Let's face it, Donovan's second title was pure luck. Teams typically cannot win titles and their stars from jumping to the NBA. Florida would have been in the NIT if the four stars had jumped to the pros after the 2006 title. For Donovan to keep two championship teams together twice is a slim to none chance. So, would UK fans really live with a title, a final four and only one other trip out of the first weekend in 13 seasons?

Hmp. Florida just pulled within three. Should have watched more closely.

The other thing about this is that it's Senior (and Patrick Patterson) Day. But everyone knows that John Wall and DeMarcus Cousins are going pro too. I'm guessing Eric Bledsoe is too unless he completely flops in the tournament. Well, everyone knows this except Alan Cutler who did a report saying Cousins was coming back. He based that on a statement from Calipari. A writer for the Cat's Pause told me everyone in the room except Cutler realized Calipari was just joking. How does he stay on the air? Is there really a market for sportscasters who are clueless and utterly inept?

But there are fringe benefits to players staying behind at UK. You can keep getting jobs later in life because you were a Wildcat basketball player. I think Cameron Mills still does commercials for funeral homes, and he kind of stunk. Or you can be Jared Prickett. He discusses UK basketball for one of the morning news shows. Back when UK had one loss and was ranked second in the country, he stated with authority that UK could lose another game and still get a #1 seed in the tournament. At the time Kansas had one loss and Syracuse had two. No one else had fewer than three. So, he was saying that a UK team tied for the second fewest losses in the country would still get a #1 seed in the tournament. Way to go out on limb. What other pearls of wisdom will he have? That if UK wins four NCAA tournament games, they have a good shot at the Final Four? I guess he figures Cutler can't last forever and he can easily fill that role.

Not sure if this is a basketball story or a porn star story. But an assistant at Kansas met porn star Samantha Ryan on a plane and gave her tickets to the Kansas-Kansas St game on Senior Day. According to both sides, it was a "random act of kindness". Sure it was. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt that he didn't know she did porn. I looked her up (for research purposes only), and I didn't really know who she was. Seems to have done a lot of young/old lesbian movies so maybe he had a fetish. But even if not, I did notice one thing. She's a young attractive blond with a porn star body. I'm sure that had nothing to do with a married father of five giving prime tickets to the most anticipated game of the season to some woman he met on a plane and never expected to see again. Hell, I'm sure no one else wanted them.

But here's a porn story with an Olympic twist. A Norwegian cross-country skier finished second. He said it was because he was watching porn too much while there. Actually, he said he heard it next door. Is this what Norwegian skiers do? Sit around and watch porn together? And how did it affect his skiing? Keep him from training? Too much monkey spanking (with another guy in the room)? Too much pot smoking while watching? I mention this last thing because drugs had to be responsible for the last line of his statement - "By the way Tiger Woods is a really good man." Uh-huh. I'm sure Tiger wants someone rushing to his defense while talking about porn. Or maybe he's giving Woods a thumbs up because he now knows how tough it must have been to keep playing a sport at a high level while spending your off time with a perpetual hard on. Or maybe he watched Tiger's Wood, thought it was really Woods and was impressed.

Well, UK won. Prickett declared the lead was safe about five minutes after the buzzer. Northern Iowa is now playing Wichita State. Might have to keep an eye on Northern Iowa in the tournament. Not many teams have Kane from the WWF on their team. But have to watch a lot of teams out there. I think the tournament is wide open. I don't think any of the top teams have separated themselves from the field. Sure I could see a Kansas or Kentucky win it all. But I could also see a probable three seed like Ohio State or Villanova making a run to the title. Or see them being a 1 or 2 seed when this week is done. But I can't see Syracuse. They lost to Louisville twice. Which shows me Louisville can beat anybody. Too bad they have a bunch of other games (Western Carolina; St. John's) that show they can lose to anyone too. Tough to put them past the Sweet 16 since they haven't put together three good games in a row of late. On talent alone, UK should be in the Final Four. Four potential first round picks? Hell, they should win it all. I won't pick them to. Poor three point shooting and freshman decision making will do them in at some point. For Calipari's sake, he'd better make the Final Four this year especially if Wall, Cousins, Patterson and Bledsoe go pro after this season. He's only got one recruit signed for next year. Obviously, he's got a shot at a couple of other top ones, but he's not going to get three guys who are projected first round picks as freshmen again. And he won't have a Patrick Patterson sticking around. And as pissed as UK fans got when UK lost to South Carolina, imagine if their unbeatable team doesn't make it to the final weekend.

I love stories like this one. The LA school district has suspended three teachers for giving students pictures of RuPaul, Dennis Rodman and OJ Simpson to wave around at the Black History Month parade. Frankly I don't see what the big deal is. This is Los Angeles, and RuPaul is the most famous cross-dresser ever. Sounds like the NAACP may have some homophobia issues. As for Rodman, he was a two time Defensive MVP. Plus he wrestled against both Randy Savage and Curt Hennig before going onto his greatest accomplishment ever - commissioner of the Lingerie Football League. RuPaul and Rodman can show the little freaky kids of the world that their emotional dysfunction won't stop them from getting a reality show. As for Simpson, I saw the reaction to his acquittal for murder. He's a bigger hero in LA's black community than Martin Luther King Jr.

This is cute. Jon Cryer called the cops because he thinks his ex-wife may have "hired a hitman to kill him." As opposed to hiring him to mow the grass I guess. I like how his ex-wife said she doesn't know anything about threats. Which means Cryer must be safe. If I had hired a hitman, I'd freely admit it to TMZ. Personally, I can't imagine anyone being that passionate about Jon Cryer to pay to have him killed. Maybe it was a drug addled Charlie Sheen thinking Cryer was one of his exes (wives, girlfriends, tranny hooker etc).

Do I think Jim Bunning is a bad person? Well, he is a UK fan. But I won't hold it against him for that silly crap about holding up an extension of unemployment benefits. It was the biggest nothing story ever. All he wanted was for Congress to say where the money was coming from. But the reason that it's a nothing story is because of the serial whiners saying people wouldn't get their unemployment checks. Please. To begin with, his initial objection just kept the extension from being passed by voice vote. Heaven forbid Congress actually cast a vote in person. But ask yourself these two questions. If the situation was so dire, why did they wait until the last minute to vote on it? It's not like they didn't know well in advance that it was coming up. Hell, this extension is just for a month. If it's so important, vote for a longer period. Oh right, now I remember. They passed pay as you go legislation a couple of weeks ago saying you have to say where the money is coming from. Except in emergencies. So if you make sure all your spending items are "emergencies" by waiting until the last minute, you can exempt them. Smart. The other question to ask is if the sky was falling, why didn't they schedule an actual vote on the extension once they knew Bunning wouldn't allow it to pass on a voice vote? He did it on a Thursday so have a roll call vote on Friday. He might filibuster, but 60 votes would stop that. Didn't everyone but Jim want this? So why wait until the next week to vote on this indispensable legislation? Guess it's not as important as a four day weekend.

But it did give certain people a chance to beclown themselves. The best was Paul Krugman who has been a clown for years. He decided to poo-poo the thought that long term unemployment benefits might lead to people not looking for work. Which is an interesting concept. The problem with hiring a professor as a newspaper columnist is that they have this thing called a history. Meaning they've written books and academic papers. Which could indicate a completely different belief from the past. Oh, like a textbook that states that long term unemployment benefits might lead to people not looking for work. As Paul Krugman once wrote in such a textbook. Now, does this mean I suddenly think he's a hypocrite for going against previous beliefs to toe the liberal party line? Nope. I've always thought he was a hypocrite who was going against previous beliefs to toe the liberal party line.

But is there really a place in politics for economics? Apparently not. Philadelphia is looking to raise revenue by instituting a 2 cents per ounce tax on cokes and other drinks with sugar. For two reasons. One is to stop people from being fat. The other is to raise $77 million in revenue. Gee, why am I not buying this? Let's face it. I'm a fat guy (but an incredibly handsome one). I only drink coke in a bourbon and coke. Outside of that, I drink sugar free kool-aid, water and coffee. Oh, and lots of booze and beer. And I exercise almost none. So, blaming sugar filled drinks for fat people is not recognizing that total lifestyle choices cause people to be fat. As for tax generation, they're idiots. I've mentioned before that governments can't estimate how much money a tax will generate because they stupidly assume that people's behavior will not change. Guess what? Philadelphia isn't that big. Want to know the people who most want this tax? Stores right across the county line because if you add $2.40 to a six pack, people will load up on soda there and take it with them into Philadelphia. Good job. You just sent your tax revenue and your business revenue to another county. And you'll still have fat people.

How about some dick stories? Remember the old Ren & Stimpy cartoon about not peeing on the electric fence? Well, if you knock down a power pole, you may not want to piss on the downed power line either. Or stick your dick in a pipe. Using an industrial grinder to free my junk does not sound like a pleasant afternoon. I like how it mentions that the guy didn't tell anyone how his dick ended up stuck in a pipe. Why would he? I think we all know. He was horny, had a pipe but no woman and stuck his dick in a pipe. Or fell on it. It happens to the best of us.

Crazy Professors, the Olympics (again) and more

2010-02-27T00:03:00.042-05:00

Here is the hero to all college professors everywhere. Amy Bishop has been fired (finally) after murdering three co-workers over tenure denial. Not sure why it took so long to fire her. After all, she shot them at a faculty meeting. Gee, I can't imagine why she'd be denied tenure. Just because students bitched about her. There seems to be some pretty strong evidence that she murdered her brother. May have tried to blow up another professor she didn't like. Oh, and went batshit crazy on another woman at an IHOP because the woman got there before her and took the last booster seat. Denied tenure? They should fire anyone who advocated hiring her. But why is she a hero? Tenure is the protector of the weak and incompetent. But who is going to take a chance on denying someone tenure now? Just go into your meeting and look crazy.

USA!!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!!! USA!!!!!!!!!!!! I mentioned last time that I was watching the Winter Olympics. As of right now, the US has already beaten their highest medal count. With either a gold or silver guaranteed on Sunday in the men's hockey final, this will be the most successful winter Olympics ever for any country. Which more than makes up for the lack of success by the curling teams who I placed such high hopes on.

But look at this. An idiot blogger for the Washington Post is decrying NBC's coverage of the Olympics for focusing on American athletes and not focusing enough on foreign athletes and apparently not doing enough stories on Canada's healthcare system. This woman is a genius. I guess she doesn't recognize that the Olympics are being produced by NBC Sports, not NBC News. So, you know, they might want to focus on the sports instead of a political issue that has nothing to do with the games. Although I think it would interesting to know how many of Canada's athletes have needed surgery and went to the US for it. I know a Canadian hockey team that sends their Canadian players to Alabama for surgery. So, US medical care is not just for Canadian politicians. But again, why would an NBC Sports production wallow in health care debate? And complaining about the focus on Americans? Is this woman totally disconnected from reality? I realize she's affiliated with a newspaper which doesn't worry about ratings. Just declining circulation which they don't seem to recognize may be affected by the fact they continue to publish crap from the absolute stupid. I think she may actually be dumb enough not to know that NBC is only broadcasting the Olympics in the United States. Which means their target audience wants coverage about American athletes. I'm sure the Norwegian broadcasters spent all their time on the Swiss winner of the Men's Giant Slalom instead of the two Norwegians who took silver and bronze. Because it's only the Americans that get nationalistic during the Olympics.

But then there is some old news from the Summer Olympics. Well, it started in the 2008 Olympics but goes back to 2000. Guess what? The Chinese women gymnastics team was using underage girls. Who could have thunk such a thing? Besides me and anyone else with common sense. Actually, this article is quite laughable. The gymnastics group said one of the Chinese gymnasts in 2000 was underage, but aren't sure about the other one. Even though the other one actually said in an interview during those games that she was 14. Apparently they are not using Columbo for this investigation. And then they clear the 2008 team even though there was plenty of evidence that those girls were too young too. China is a regimented society especially among it's elite athletes. There is no way the government was unaware of the ages in 2000. Does anyone really believe that they doctored paperwork in 2000, but wouldn't have done that in 2008? I'm sure the Washington Post doesn't think the Chinese cheated. After all, only the US cares about nationalistic glory at the Olympics.

But I'm sure that blogger thinks Europe has more enlightened policing instead. And there is certainly an emphasis on "light". In England, if you've got packs of young punks pelting you and your house with apples, the police will show up to investigate. Hours and sometimes days later. Oh, and most likely you'll be the one arrested because you touched one of them while he and his friend were beating you up. But who said the cops in England are stupid. Much easier to arrest a single family man than deal with a bunch of street thugn. Hell, they must have loved it when an 84 year old man waved his cane at some little bastard who shoved him while vandalizing his house. A geriatric man is really easy to arrest. But don't worry. Chivalry is not dead over there. When a model saw some punks in her garden trying to break in, she screamed at them and waved a kitchen knife. But when the police arrived, they chose not to arrest her. They just gave her a warning that the next time she thought to protect herself in her own home, they would. Gee, I wonder why all those little bastards think they can get away with constantly attacking people.

But they shouldn't be surprised. European countries have allowed government entities way too much control of their lives. It's why petty little bureaucrats have no embarrassment over arbitrary and flat stupid decisions. The very reason I was not surprised to see this story. A British woman wants to run an ad to hire people. Sends it to a government job center. Gets told that it was discriminatory. Was she asking for only men? Did she say no blacks? Nope. She didn't want unreliable people. Someone thought asking for reliable people was discriminating against the lazy. Government in action. It's a recession. People are out of work. Let's make sure to protect the worthless. But on the plus side, if she said no "arrogant Americans", it probably would have been okay, because in Europe, that thought is redundant anyway.

Okay, I thought Sandra Bullock trying to fix up her pubic hair as a Valentine surprise was a bit weird. But now I think the art of vajazzling has that one beat. This is where women have gemstones glued to their private parts. That's a job I need. It doesn't sound tacky at all. Even though the term seems to come from combining vagina and bedazzling (without explaining how the g from vagina became a j). Hmmmmm. The Bedazzler. Nothing white trash or tacky there.

Maybe Lindsay Lohan could jump start her career with a vajazzling. Instead everyone's favorite drunken whore just "confesses" to having used cocaine and going to rehab. Is it really a confession if she's been arrested while in possession of cocaine? Did anyone think she was holding it for someone else? Well, besides the Olympics committees who still aren't sure a 14 year old Chinese gymnast was 14 years old even though she said it in an interview. Speaking of inappropriate underage behavior, Lohan spent a night recently getting trashed with her 16 year old sister. Nice to see that she's trying to make sure her sis doesn't make the same stupid mistakes she did. Even better, by doing so she blew the chance at making $150K just to go on a date in London with some billionaire. She wasn't even required to put out on the date (although for a trip to Waffle House, she probably would have). Well, she didn't actually stay behind to party with her sister. Stupid bitch missed her flight. Blew 150 thousand dollars because she couldn't get to the airport on time.

Maybe Lohan will be ready to start acting again in time to make Showgirls 3. Yep. That means there is a Showgirls sequel out there already. Although I don't expect it to be coming to a theater near anyone. I don't think most theaters play DVDs. Even for someone who doesn't mind cheesy plots and really likes hot, naked women, I figure the movie will be really bad just based on the trailer. I've seen several movies where a movie looked good in the previews but was highly disappointing because all of the good scenes were in the trailer. But I don't know too many movies that put the crappy scenes in the trailer but left the good ones in the movie. The Showgirls 2 trailer had some crappy scenes (blatant nudity notwithstanding), and for some reason I don't believe it will the first movie to leave the best parts out of the trailer.

Quite a to-do in Italian cooking shows. Shows that I watch religiously. Some old food writer got suspended for telling how he used to eat cat. At first, I thought it was some slang term for performing oral sex. But apparently he meant cooking and eating the family pet. Now, I have no plans to ever eat a feline (probably a bitch to prepare), but he was talking about his childhood when poor areas would eat cats to survive during hard times. It was a choice between eating a cat or having your children starve. Things have changed though. People are so idiotic about their pets that many would kill the kids to feed their pampered pets.

Not sure what effect Obamacare will have on this situation, but a shrink in Florida was found to have been sleeping with one of his patients. Probably trying to find all those new disorders I mentioned last week. Now, a doctor behaving unethically by having sex with a patient doesn't seem to be that uncommon. This guy kicked it up a notch. Every time he rendezvoused with her for sex, he billed her insurance.

Ski Trip, Olympics & Other Things

2010-02-21T18:34:00.036-05:00

I wanted to live blog the Ski Trip this year, but there was an issue with the wi-fi at the cabin. Mainly it sucked. Took all Sunday just to upload some pics on Facebook. I didn't even try to waste my time with porn. But otherwise the cabin was fine. Other than the lack of heat in my room, a clogged drain, a gaping hole between two boards comprising the outer wall and that smell emanating from Phil. Nothing that couldn't be solved with a nice case of arson. But for the most part the Never-ending Poker Ga.........I mean, Ski Trip went off well. Sure, there were a lot of regulars we wish had been there, but people are getting older with more responsibility (glad I'm not). Was no unexpected nudity (that I remember) but in the past, that has been good or bad. Or both. Plenty of booze (moonshine mixed with pickle juice notwithstanding). Things to do (that friggin' incessant Rock Band notwithstanding). Lots of food by the wonderful cook staff (excessive veggie breakfast casseroles notwithstanding). Oh, and the Super Bowl was played. Best thing about the game? The Saints won. The only reason I cared? I picked them to win.

Was really the only reason I had a dog in that fight. I still hold a grudge over what the Mannings did to force a trade for Eli $hitbag after he was drafted. But I don't really care about the Colts. Nor do I care about the Saints. My only problem with the Saints is them winning would lead to a rehash of the "suffering" from Hurrican Katrina. Most communities with a natural disaster work to move on and improve. New Orleans appears to want to rebuild their slums in the same below-sea-level bowl as before. But there is a benefit to the Saints winning. I don't like Reggie Bush and now he has to marry into the dysfunctional Kardashian family.

But on to the Olympics. I've mentioned before that I like the Winter Olympics better than the summer ones. Apparently, I'm not the only one. And it's surprising some people. I saw a column in the Louisville Courier pointing out that the Olympics drew better than American Idol which didn't surprise me. Hasn't that show been dropping fairly steadily in the ratings over the years? Supposedly NBC was expecting big losses and poor ratings which I don't understand. The Olympics do better in the US, and Canada is almost the US. At least on timing. Which means that even the tape delay stuff is still fairly recent. Of course it doesn't hurt ratings that the US start winning medals early and often. That's always good for ratings.

Oh, and Canada managed to kill some poor bastard luger from Georgia (probably from Macon) and then doubled down by pissing on his grave and blaming him for the wreck that killed him. The argument was the track was unsafe because it was too fast and steep and when he flipped out of the track, there were steel poles that stopped the luger very suddenly. The counter-argument is that the guy was inexperienced and caused his own death. I'm surprised they haven't claimed it was a suicide. The guy (yes I'm not naming him because I don't want to spell it) wasn't a top sledder. But he was ranked 44th in the world. Did they not realize that the people outside the top 10 would be participating in the Olympics? And if it was his fault, why did they make changes for safety? Oh, and if his inexperience caused him to wreck on that curve, why do they call it "50-50"? Oh, because you have a 50% chance of wrecking in it. Even if he wasn't good enough to make it through there, you would think they'd try to make it so he doesn't fly out into a steel beam. How about a catch fence? Oh, and the inexperience argument really looks good considering Canada limited access to the track for non-Canadians to enhance their chances in the sledding event. And then came my favorite part. After the track was changed due to the death, the Canadian sledders were all class. They bitched that they lost their home ice advantage. Hmmm. Your home ice advantage played a role in someone's death, and you feel like a victim? I'll keep that in mind the next time someone tells me Canadians are nicer than Americans.

Here's the most bizarre story to come out of these Olympics. Joe Biden was there and didn't say anything stupid. But that is only the second most bizarre story. Some crazy dude got picked up by the Dudley Do-Rights for stalking Biden. Dude was infatuated with Biden. I'm not convinced even Biden's wife is infatuated with him.

But what's the Olympics without a little scandal. A snowboarder was booted from the Olympic village for having a risque photo taken with his bronze medal. Then I saw the risque photos. Come on. That's it? He's a snowboarder. I would not have been surprised to see him standing naked on a balcony with the medal hanging off his dork. This is fairly tame meriting a slap on the wrist for a little poor taste. Wait a minute. You don't think other Olympic athletes use their wins to help them score with chicks, do you? That sounds outrageous.

Saw a new sport going today. Called ski cross and it appears to be on a course that has features of both freestyle and downhill skiing. The best part is that they pick the finalists through time trials, but they ski for the medal in four man heats and narrow it down until they have one final four man heat for the medal round. So they ski against each other. While part of me hopes it turns into Rollerball on skis, I'm sure it's for the best that they aren't allowed to wipe each other out. I think it's spectator friendly. I like regular speed skating but short track is more fun to watch. I think it's because they are on the ice against each other instead of a clock. While you can kind of get an idea of how a regular speed skater is doing, it's hard to know when it's timed. Especially since I can't tell time. So, new sport looks interesting. I'm still disappointed they haven't added the sport I want - bikini skiing.

This is awesome. I heard Mitt Romney got into a tiff on a plane with someone which led to that person being kicked out. Now, I find out that he was a member of a hip-hop band called LMFAO. Article says there hit was "I'm in Miama Bitch", but I've never heard of them so I think it's a stretch to call it a hit. I'm also guessing that Romney really didn't use the Vulcan grip on him. But if he had, I think we made a mistake not electing him President. Imagine him going to summits with that. But I digress. I find it funny because after never hearing of them before, this is the second time in a week I've heard something about this "band". A co-worker saw them as the opening act for the Black Eyed Peas. He said they were so bad that he wasn't sure if they were a parody act or not. Although I consider the Black Eyed Peas to be a parody act, they don't bill themselves as one so maybe LMFAO takes themselves seriously too. All I know is that it equals one thing - the Black Eyed Peas are a leading cause of crime in America.

I find this rather disturbing, and I normally like strip joints getting around prude laws. Yet, when a judge in Iowa says it's okay for minors to strip at a titty bar as long as they can convince him they are somewhat of a theater, I might take issue. Right. The Shotgun Geniez is a theater. I'm sure the stripper pole fits right in when they do Hamlet. And those faux lesbian acts in the $300 hospitality suite were scripted by Neil Simon. And we won't get into lap dances. Well, I might later, but not at home. Let's just say that the artistic merit of a stipper dry humping a pole really shouldn't apply to 17 year olds.

Nor should school districts be checking the webcams of school issued laptops. But that's what one school did in Philadelphia. Remotely activated the webcam on student computers. It came to light because they reprimanded a student for something that he was doing inappropriate at home. They don't say what but it's either smoking weed or choking the chicken. I'm guessing the latter since drug use would probably lead to a suspension. But spanking the monkey probably isn't. Unless it's at school. Although I guess if he was cranking the shank in front of his laptop, he was probably surfing porn on it. That's probably verboten. The stated reason for the intrusion is that it will only be used to find stolen/missing ones. Yeah right. I'm sure no one would abuse that.

When I stumbled across this piece about weird food at McDonald's restaurants worldwide, my first thought was how disgusting all of it looked. Then I remembered how disgusting I find most of the food at McDonald's. Except their McGriddle sandwiches. Those things are awesome.

Some people are really good at surprising you. Sandra Bullock just did. As a Valentine surprise, she decided to shave her hair into a heart shape and dye it pink. But not the hair on her head. A bit lower. And apparently got the color wrong. And it burned. The surprise is not that she would do that. It's that she would talk about it. I guess she feels the need to get wild to compete with her husband's ex-wife. Not sure why Bullock feels the need to compete with a skanky ex-porn actress recently released from jail. But Hollywood types do weird things. Bullock does wholesome movies. Janine did at least six of the Where The Boys Aren't movies. Janine probably has more street cred out there.

I think Tom Cruise is friggin nuts. And overall his stand on psychiatry is flat stupid. There are absolute nutsacks out that there that need clinical help. Yet, psychiatrists sure go out of their way to try to prove Cruise and his Scientologist groupies have a point. Case in point, some want to declare anything and everything to be a disorder. Here's some fun ones that they are considering adding to their diagnostic guide. I've thought a lot of ones recently were pretty bogus, but when you label being a lazy POS as a disorder, you have gone way too far. If everything is a disorder, nothing is a disorder.

And what great timing. That story came out as Tiger Woods was preparing to give his press conference to discuss his philandering and of course therapy for sex addiction. You know that disorder. HavingMoney/BeingFamous. Now do I question the sincerity of Woods' news conference to apologize? Sure. It's hard to believe that someone who cheated that much would suddenly be remorseful about anything other than getting caught. But then again, that is remorse. After all, he may have just realized that he could lose his kids over this. That could cause regret. To be honest, I don't watch golf so if it wasn't for the sheer salaciousness of the stories, I wouldn't have paid much attention. The question is whether or not he'll be forgiven and go onto be a big endorser again. Well, outside of the John Holmes brand penis pump, I've never bought a product just because it was endorsed by a celebrity. So I think companies (outside of golf equipment) would foolish to throw a lot of money at him again. Except maybe the makers of sex paraphernalia.

But my favorite part of the day was Gloria Allred shedding even more credibility by holding her own press conference with one of the mistresses to complain that Tiger didn't apologize directly to her. Apparently she is unaware that apologizing to all his mistresses by name would take up too much time. But it gets better. She also feels Woods show go into "betrayal rehab" because Woods told her client he loved her. And she gave up her career for him. Oh, I forgot to mention that she was one of the porn stars. This is the most ridiculous crap I've ever seen and anyone who takes Allred seriously from now on deserves a lobotomy. Look at the quote from her. "He led her to believe she was the only woman in his life other than his wife." "Only" means one. If you say only, there can't be two. Face it Gloria. Your client is an idiot. And you're an idiot for representing her. And for other reasons. Do they give law degrees out in a cracker jack box? None of the mistresses attached to Woods can say they didn't know he was married. Ergo, not a victim. This one takes it to a whole new level by indicating that she believed she was going to have a lifetime relationship with him. Which must mean she thought he was going to leave his wife for her. If this slut was with him for three years, wasn't that a clue that he wasn't planning to leave his wife? Wasn't having children with his wife enough of a clue for that? How stupid is she? Did she really believe that a man who built his fortune with a carefully crafted image was going to throw it all away to marry a woman whose occupation can be described as sperm dumpster? Get real. I looked up some of Joslyn James' videos on the internet (purely for research purposes). I wasn't that impressed. She should have gotten out of porn long before he asked her to.

The Ski Trip & Other Things

2010-01-31T21:02:00.017-05:00

The Ski Trip is next weekend. Hopefully that will satisfy Phil as I talk about other things.

Way behind on a lot of things. Always get that way during football season. And probably other reasons that kept me busy. But not anything like naughty websites, social networks or heavy drinking. I don't do any of those. Now time to catch up with a lot of old crap and such.

Let's start with the fact that I'm writing this with the Pro Bowl on behind me. What the Hell is the NFL thinking by scheduling the Pro Bowl the week before the Super Bowl? The idea is to make it more relevant. Great idea. I thought having it only a week after the Super Bowl was dumb because so many players from the Super Bowl dropped out due to getting the Hell knocked out of them in that game. This precludes any Super Bowl player from being in the game at all. And a lot of players from the conference championship games will now drop out too. So, that's how you end up with Tony Romo, David Garrard and Vince Young at quarterback and Peyton Manning, Drew Brees and Brett Favre watching the game. That'll make it more relevant.

Oooh. Super Bowl. This is a study in contrasts on fan bases. You have the staid and boring fans of New Orleans versus the wild, crazy and (in a lot of cases) downright criminal ones from New Orleans. There will be rioting in Hoosierland if the Colts win. Or something like that. The teams are somewhat similar although no on the Colts has said they will marry a Kardashian if they win (and the guy who made that list has no credibility if he thinks Kim Kardashian is rated ahead of Gisele Bundchen). Big edge to the Colts in that category since they won't have a player with incentive to throw the game. This is tough game for me to call. Initially, I was going with the Colts. Their defense had done fairly well in the playoffs and they had a real shot at an undefeated regular season. But the Ravens and Jets didn't have real juggernaut offenses. Arizona did, and New Orleans stopped them cold. Not that they were that good all year on defense, but the Colts weren't either. I'm picking the Saints because they can run the ball, and Reggie Bush dicked around against the Vikings and they still won. Besides, maybe he thinks a girl famous for a sex tape with some two bit rapper (I'm only assuming since I have no idea who he is) is a keeper because she has a really big ass.

Someone asked me if I watched the State of the Union address last week. Yeah, right. I don't watch that when someone I voted for is giving it. You can read it the next day. Besides, it was on a Wednesday and that's all-you-can-eat wing night at Hooters. Priorities, man. But it's all blather anyway. Good things are all my doing. Bad things aren't my fault. If the news is bad, pretend it's good. Blah blah blah. Now, going back to an old story on our exalted leader, unlike a lot of conservatives, I must say I wasn't all that upset that Barack Obama won the Noble Peace Prize. Did I think he deserved it? Of course not. He hasn't done anything as President to deserve that. That'd be like Colt McCoy being given the Heisman based on expectations. Actually, that's not correct either. McCoy had actually done things in previous years for those expectations. I can't remember if Obama has ever actually held a job. Now, do I think it was humbling for him? Of course not. Nothing humbles a narcissist.

No, the reason I think the awarding is much ado over nothing is that the Nobel Peace Prize is much ado over nothing. Look at the list. A bunch of people you've never heard of. A long line of serial incompetents (Jimmy Carter and Kofi Annan in back to back years? Does it get any more inept?). It's amazing to me that there is any prestige attached to this award when you see how it's decided. The award committee is made up of five people. Five people. Not just five people. Five people representing five political parties in the Norwegian Parliament. The most prestigious foreign policy prize is decided by five political hacks from a country smaller than Colorado? The Olympic table tennis bronze medal should be more prestigious.

How is it possible that Ford Motor Company turned a profit in the 4th quarter? They didn't get taken over by the government or half sold to their own union. How odd that Ford could make a profit. Hmmmmmm. Maybe the government getting heavily involved in the auto industry wasn't good. Who could have seen that?

Of course, not is all well in the Ford universe. After all, they are introducing cars that is Twitter enabled. Are you effing kidding me? If you're buying a car because you can listen to tweets on it, you don't just have too much time on your hands. You need help.

I'm in the wrong line of work. Some guy goes around to the off track betting places and picks up discarded tickets out of the trash and checks to see if someone threw away a winner. And makes $45,000 a year. Granted, it sounds like he's in New York and that is less than a grade school janitor makes, but it's still quite a bit. I would think he'd have better luck at the track where people are drunk and staring at college girls in summer dresses with their boobs hanging. Now that's why I'm there, but I always run my tickets through the machine before tossing them even if it was on a horse they ended up shooting on the track. To be honest, I couldn't do what this guy does. If I found a winner, I would place another bet instead of cashing the tickets.

There is a rumor going around that I don't like the Black Eyed Peas. That's not true. I despise the Black Eyed Peas. A computer program could write their stupid, repetitive songs. This was a group going nowhere until they added some skank to be the eye candy and then took off. Well, joke is on their fans. Fergie has a penis. So if you're a man who likes the Black Eyed Peas, you must like trannies.

Back to politics. Big news story. Massachusetts (I think this is a county in Vermont) just had a special election for the recently deceased Ted Kennedy's Senate seat. Scott Brown won. By 5 points. He was a Republican. The bluest of the blue states just elected a Republican to a seat that had been held by a Kennedy (or Kennedy flunky until Ted was old enough to run) since 1953. Oh , and Obama had gone there to campaign for the Democratic candidate, Martha Coakley. This was great fun for me. Watching all the news channels, the spin why he won was awesome. I saw one Democratic strategist say Brown won because voters in Massachusetts were mad that there wasn't a public option in the health care bill. Which means they voted for the candidate that opposed the public option (Brown) over the candidate in favor of it (Coakley) because they wanted it. Even Chris Matthews found something wrong with that. He's probably smart enough to know that calling a big block of voters "stupid" may not be the best strategy. My other favorite spin was that Coakley was just a bad candidate. This was the White House spin since they couldn't fathom his policies being a root cause. Was Coakley a bad candidate? Sure. She was an idiot. But let's be serious. Massachusetts is not a swing state like Ohio or Pennsylvania where being a bad candidate can lose. This was a high turnout for a special election. People don't turn out to vote against a bad candidate. They stay home. This is a state with only 10% of registered voters having an "R" after their name. Scott Brown was a complete unknown state-wide running against a former attorney general. Unknowns don't cause people to come out and vote. Again, this is Massachusetts. In 1996, William Weld was the best Republican candidate (name and money wise) for Senate in years. He lost to John Kerry by 8 points. This is Massachusetts. Only 10% of their state legislature is Republican. Special election or not, a liberal Democrat does not lose a Senate seat there due to being a bad candidate.

Ick. A British couple is earning enough money from starring in porno movies to pay for a wedding in Cancun. I'm not opposed to people using porn to make money. My problem is that this is an unattractive couple, and I think it's giving porn a bad name when people will pay to watch these two get it on.

Speaking of porn, scientists wanted to find out how men in their 20s differed based on whether they watched porn or not. The study couldn't be completed due to a lack of men in their 20s who had not watched porn. Are these researchers unaware how easy it is to find porn on the internet?

Oh, and I never got around to the Tiger Woods sex scandal. Personally, I don't watch golf and normally wouldn't care. However, once the mistress count got really high, I began paying attention. The guy just picked the wrong sport. If he played in the NBA, that number would seem low. But he plays golf. That expects a straight laced image. I saw a rumor that he was at some sex addiction clinic. What a scam. He wasn't addicted to sex. He could just afford it. I think the most amazing part of the story was the range of mistresses. Cougars, hostesses, porn stars, hookers and a Perkins waitress. A Perkins waitress? Are you effing kidding me? You're worth hundreds of millions and you're picking up chicks who work at Perkins?

Bowl Games - Pre New Year's Day

2009-12-20T20:39:00.011-05:00

Yeah, I missed the first two bowl games, but now I'm ready to go.

New Orleans Bowl (Dec 20) - Southern Miss vs. Middle Tennessee
CUSA against Sun Belt. My first thought is that Southern Miss lost to Louisville so they must suck. But the Sun Belt is pretty damned bad so take Southern Miss.

Las Vegas Bowl (Dec 22) - BYU vs. Oregon State
This is the fifth straight Las Vegas Bowl for BYU. Why do I get the feeling that this isn't what Vegas was expecting when they created this bowl? The point of it was to bring tourists into Sin City. Not a bunch of Mormons. And they get to play the easy to make fun of Beavers. And I think lose to the easy to make fun of Beavers.

Poinsettia Bowl (Dec 23) - Utah vs. California
For the record, I still pronounce poinsettia without emphasizing the second "i". If you don't like it, I'll tell you wear you can shove that silly looking weed. Utah is playing for their 8th straight bowl win. Seeing as they are from a non-BCS conference, that might not seem as impressive, but two of those wins were actually in BCS bowls. If Jahvid Best was playing for Cal, I might pick them, but after that nasty injury, he's out. So are Cal's chances.

Hawaii Bowl (Dec 24) - Nevada vs. SMU
Since the founding of the Hawaii Bowl in 2002, this is only the third time the University of Hawaii hasn't played in it. So, attendance will suck as no one from Nevada or Dallas is going to fly to Hawaii to watch these dogs. No big wins by either team but SMU was crapass Washington State's only win so I pick SMU to lose this game.

Little Caesars Bowl (Dec 26) - Marshall vs. Ohio
Pizza Pizza. This used to be called the Motor City Bowl, but no automotive company could afford to sponsor it. Actually I was hoping Toyota would offer to just to see if they'd let them. So, now it's the second pizza bowl. Oh, and you have a decent MAC team facing a 6-6 CUSA team that has already fired its coach. So, I'll go with Ohio since they haven't fired their coach.

Meineke Car Care Bowl (Dec 26) - Pittsburgh vs. North Carolina
So, none of the big 3 auto makers can afford to sponsor a bowl game, but a muffler shop can. Well, nobody has semi-nationalized muffler shops. Yet. So, Pitt is more talented. And they have Dave Wannstadt. I think they have enough talent to overcome that shortcoming.

Emerald Bowl (Dec 26) - Southern Cal vs. Boston College
I love almonds. So, Southern Cal travels up the coast to San Francisco. BC travels across the entire country. BC still usually wins bowl games they have to travel to. Southern Cal will mail it in. Take BC.

Music City Bowl (Dec 27) - Kentucky vs. Clemson
Eventually UK fans may stop going to Tennessee to watch these bowl games. Probably when Joker becomes head coach and takes the ball out of his best players hand all the time and they stop making any bowl games. Now I think the ACC stinks. But Clemson finished their season losing a game that would have sent them to a BCS bowl while UK lost a game that could have put them in the Outback Bowl. I think Clemson.

Independence Bowl (Dec 28) - Texas A&M vs. Georgia
Nothing says Revolutionary War to me like Shreveport, LA. Georgia completely underachieved this year by limping home at 7-5. Texas A&M didn't underachieve but that's because no one thought they were worth a crap. And going 6-6 doesn't mean that thinking was wrong. Expect lots of offense because neither team has much defense. After seeing A&M light up Texas to end the season, I'll take them in this one.

EagleBank Bowl (Dec 29) - Temple vs. UCLA
Wait. Temple made a bowl game? How the Hell did that happen? And I'm picking them to win? I just don't have a lot of faith in a 6-6 team that needed Army to lose to Navy to make a small bowl game on the other side of the country.

Champs Sports Bowl (Dec 29) - Miami vs. Wisconsin
Hmmm. Two 9-3 teams. Both ranked. Wisconsin only played two teams worth a crap. Lost both. Miami only played two teams worth a crap. Beat one of them. Hmmm. That's enough for me. Take Miami.

Humanitarian Bowl (Dec 30) - Idaho vs. Bowling Green
On the surface, this game seems boring. Until you realize it's the Idaho Vandals versus the Bowling Green Falcons. Idaho is a team named after European barbarians based in Moscow. Bunch of Eurotrash loving commies. Falcons? The name of a Ford automobile (okay, a dumpy little car) and the F-16 fighter jet. And what says America more than lawn bowling? Go with the Falcons.

Holiday Bowl (Dec 30) - Nebraska vs. Arizona
I must admit that I haven't seen Arizona play much. I have seen Nebraska. Brutal. All defense. No offense. But enough to win a very low scoring affair.

Armed Forces Bowl (Dec 31) - Air Force vs. Houston
Rematch from last year's Armed Forces Bowl won by Houston. Third straight year for Air Force to be in this one and they've lost the last two which doesn't make sense. It's the Armed Forces Bowl you dumb ass flyboys. But I digress. I think the point a minute offense that Houston runs will make it three straight losses for Air Force in this bowl.

Sun Bowl (Dec 31) - Oklahoma vs. Stanford
This bowl is sponsored by Brut which means it is called the Brut Sun Bowl. But I'm a traditionalist so I'm calling it the Brut by Faberge Sun Bowl. As bad as Oklahoma was this year with Sam Bradford being injured, I think his Heisman win last year was well deserved. And since he's still injured, I'm picking Stanford.

Texas Bowl (Dec 31) - Navy vs. Missouri
I can't think of much that Missouri has done this year. And Navy is fun to watch. Seems like a good enough reason to pick Navy if even if naval tradition was described by Winston Churchill as "It's all rum, sodomy and the lash."

Insight Bowl (Dec 31) - Minnesota vs. Iowa State
I thought the Insight Bowl has some better picks than this. Two 6-6 teams. A crappy Big Ten team versus a crappy Big 12 team. I guess they figured two fan bases of the upper midwest would be ecstatic to go to Arizona in late December. And they might do so. And skip the game. Heads says Iowa State.

Chick-fil-A Bowl (Dec 31) - Tennessee vs. Virginia Tech
The ACC stinks but I think Virginia Tech was at least the second best team in it. I don't think Tennessee was the second best SEC team. So go with Tech.

College Football & Other News

2009-09-20T21:05:00.030-04:00

I thought Saturday would be the first UL/UK football game that I would attend without drinking any alcohol before going in. My dad was in town for the game and we went for breakfast buffet at Frisch's Big Boy which surprisingly does not serve alcohol. Then we went to the Red Mile where UL fans traditionally tailgate except there were a lot fewer people. But fortunately enough to give me a jump when the battery of my car died. But with few people tailgating, we just decided to wander over the railroad tracks and head to the stadium. But in the Commonwealth parking lot, a UK fan obviously didn't like the fact that I wasn't drinking so he made me drink one of his beers. Which I did because he was playing the good host so I should be the considerate guest.

There's a moral to the story above. If a host offers you a gift, you should take it. DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT, KRAGTHORPE, YOU STUPID BASTARD? When your opponent turns the ball over three straight series, you take advantage of it. Four trips inside the 15 yard line resulting in 6 points? Great play calling. How about an option on fourth and 1? Or even better, how do you get a delay of game penalty after you spiked the ball with 8 seconds left in the game and no timeouts? What were you going to run besides the hail mary pass? This game was exciting because it was close. It was poorly played. Neither team tackled well. Clock management is apparently a lost art form in the Bluegrass State. Neither team could get much of a pass rush. I believe in moral victories if you're struggling and come up just short to top 20 teams. I don't believe in moral victories when you lose to UK.

I knew UL wasn't good. They beat Indiana State 30-10. ISU has since lost two games against to Division I-AA schools by a combined 70-0. If I was UK, I might be concerned since they needed a muffed punt to set up their go-ahead touchdown. Otherwise, they might have lost to a bad UL team. I'll be surprised if either team goes bowling. UK obviously has a better chance. They shouldn't lose to LA-Monroe or EKU so they'll got 4-0 nonconference. That means if they beat Mississippi State, they just need to upset another SEC team to get to 6-6. I still don't understand the whole love affair with Rich Brooks at UK. I just think if you accept a guy who can schedule six wins (when UL is down) with a couple of years getting to eight, that's what you're going to get. There are plenty of coaches who can do that.

I think the biggest upset of the whole weekend was Tennessee only losing to Florida 23-13. Supposedly, Florida was going to run up the score on Tennessee as payback for new Lane Kiffin coach saying some not-so-nice things about Florida in the offseason. One was falsely accusing Florida coach Urban Meyer of cheating. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaawn. What he brought up may not have been cheating but Meyer coaches an SEC team so you know he's cheating. Kiffin also said at his first press conference something about hearing Rocky Top sung after beating Florida this year. Because most coaches use their first press conference after taking a new job to tell how they plan to lose to their new conference rival. Following the much closer than expected game, Florida players and coaches pretended that they just wanted to come out with a win. Revisionist history at its best. Everyone knew they wanted to beat Tennessee by a lot, and they didn't. While I have to still consider Florida the favorite to win the title this year, it's definitely not set in stone.

Now on to some non-sports stories because Lisa might be reading. Here's a story that may make her stop reading. A mayor in Oregon is under fire from parents for showing up to speak to students dressed in a bikini top, heels and miniskirt. What's worse? He's a transgendered male. What's worse than that? He's a horribly ugly middle aged male dressing up like that. I would vomit if that thing showed up in a bikini top and miniskirt. But he thinks it's perfectly acceptable because he's a complete moron.

Let's find a better miniskirt story to try to get that image out of my mind before I throw up. Here's one. Some sheriff deputies were driving back to Midland from gun training and stopped at a restaurant called Twin Peaks which sounds like a wholesome family restaurant. After having a few beers and possibly chicken fried steak, one of the deputies allowed one of the waitresses to pose with a rifle on his squad car. Now, I'm not saying this was the smartest thing to do, but I want to know if the rifle was loaded, because if it wasn't, she was there with a club. And who called the cops? She was holding a rifle on a police car. Did someone think it was gang activity? It's a hot chick sitting on a car with a rifle. This is Texas. That happens.

At least that restaurant visit didn't lead to an arrest like this one in Detroit. A guy gets a date with some chick he recently met. They go to Buffalo Wild Wings. I don't know why since that place doesn't carry the pepperoni pockets anymore. He claims to have left his wallet in her car. She gives him her keys to get it. He drives off with her car. And women thought dating me was bad. Showing what a brilliant thief he is, he forgets that he previously sent her a picture of himself.

This was awhile back but still interesting how stupid people are. Scotland was lambasted by our FBI director for releasing the Lockerbie bomber. Apparently some people believe that if you murder 270 people with an airline bomb, you should serve more than seven years. Granted, if it was up to me, I wouldn't have let him stay in jail for that long. He'd be in the ground. Scotland maintains that it often gives compassionate release to terminally ill convicts. Yeah, I'm not sure this is the same as releasing some guy who cheated on his taxes. It makes it a little more unseemly when he's given a hero's welcome upon his return to Libya. The idiot who let him go was shocked, shocked that they broke their agreement not to give him one. Has he missed the decades of Qaddafi rule? He's not known for keeping agreements. What I love is the idiot bomber who was greeted by Qaddafi who acted like a long lost relative. Is he forgetting that Qaddafi is the one who turned him over for trial? And if the bomber was truly innocent, Qaddafi could have cleared him because by paying restitution, Qaddafi admitted he knows who really planned the bombing.

Oh, and we're finding out that the British may (and by may, I mean they did) have let him go as part of an oil deal with Libya. I guess it might be better to think they were corrupt rather than stupid.

Why would anyone make a deal with Qaddafi? He's nuts. His latest was trying to use the UN to abolish Switzerland. Why? His son was once arrested for beating up a hotel maid there. The fact that the UN actually takes his membership seriously is reason #10,294 why we should kick the UN out of New York.

Man, I thought I was a slob. I'm an amateur compared to this guy. Some dude in New York had so much trash in his apartment that the smell prompted police to check it out because they assumed there was a corpse in there. No corpse. Just a nasty smelly man. In a public housing complex. How did they deal with The Problem? Oh, they moved the neighbors who could not stand the smell elsewhere. Notice the word "public". Remember that level of competency when you hear the "public option" of health care reform.

Here's a fun story. Some Kraut used tire repair solvent to fix his air mattress. Apparently trying to inflate it the next day caused a spark which caused the mattress to blow up. Which was powerful enough to move his wall. My first thought was "what an idiot". My next thought was "I wonder if I can get an air mattress to explode like that".

Great Britain is messed up. They let a guy go home after being convicted of 270 cases of murder. Then they tell Boy Scouts not to bring their scout knives to camp. Why? Because England has a lot of crime with knives. Are you friggin' kidding me? I'm willing to bet that the knife crime is not the product of Boy Scouts. I'm also willing to bet the knives being used in those crimes are not Boy Scout pen knives. I know. I was a Boy Scout. Boy Scout knives suck. They're barely good enough for whittling. Any competent criminal will just grab a steak knife over that piece of crap. And I was a hell of a lot more dangerous with fire than I ever was with a knife.

Of course this is England. They had a businessman whose family was held hostage by three men who threatened to kill them all. That is until the hostages got loose and proceeded to beat the hell out of one of them. Guess who is going to jail? The guy held hostage. Once again, are you friggin' kidding me? How stupid can you be as a country? Let's see. If I rob someone and get my ass kicked, you'll put them in jail and pay me compensation? What's the drawback here? If I was on that jury, I'd have acquitted him even if he'd killed them. Keep him from robbing my house.

I'm surprised it took this long to happen, but in Turkey, some guys (you know it was guys) set up a fake Big Brother style reality show to lure hot chicks into a house where they taped everything they did. And sold the naked pictures on the internet. At least until the police raided the place. Well good. There's no place in the high character world of reality television for this type of behavior. By the way, pass the word to any hot chicks you know. I'm going to be putting together a Big Brother style reality show in my apartment. Women only. They can send me their applications. Pictures required.

Did anyone see a star in the sky that night? A Polish woman is suing an Egyptian resort because her 13 year old daughter got pregnant while they were there. Her reasoning is that her daughter couldn't' have been impregnated through sex. Instead, she must have been knocked up by 'stray sperm' that was in the swimming pool. Was her daughter swimming naked? After all, that explanation would mean that the sperm would have to survive the chlorine and heat of the pool water and then work its way through the girl's swimsuit into her stuff. Yeah, that could happen. I'm sure this will end all of those jokes about Polish people. And I'll have to remember this when.........I mean if I ever start banging teenagers.

An interesting study came out. It found out why women have sex. Apparently it has nothing to do with love and passion. It's for material gain, out of boredom, sympathy (I need to use that more) and to get their significant other to stop bothering them. And this was the best part. They found that "most women do not find most men sexually attractive." And here I thought it was just me. Did all you guys who think you're hot stuff read that? Women think you're as nasty and disgusting as me. At least, that's the way I read it.

Meat Eating Plants and other news stories

2009-08-23T18:24:00.046-04:00

A team of Brits who like plants have discovered a very large meat-eating one in the Philippines (no verification if one of them tried to put his junk into it). They say it can eat a rat, but do they know that? And did they find out by dropping rats into it? And did they say how big a rat it would eat? Like maybe one as big as a small cat? Maybe that's this guys next step. A man in New York has been arrested for killing four (possibly five) of his girlfriend's cats and maiming a sixth. Two at a time over a three month period. Let's be clear that I am not condoning his behavior which is certainly extreme. However, how stupid is that woman? You have two cats die in October. You get two more in November and one dies and the other becomes seriously damaged. At this point, even if you aren't smart enough to suspect someone is trying to intentionally kill the kitties, don't you think God is trying to tell you that you shouldn't have cats? Nope. She goes to get two more.

It's times like these that I find it hard to fathom that anyone would consider making the District of Columbia a state. And it doesn't even involve the continuing electoral career of serial criminal Marion Barry. Washington consistently has one of the highest poverty and murder rates in the country. Want to know who a DC councilman is blaming for it? Single slice pizza stands. Now when I lived in Maryland, big greasy pizza slices did have a drug connection. Namely, the guy who owned Frank's Pizza trafficked cocaine out of his. In this case, it appears that drunks from the local bars stop for a slice of pizza and get into fights. So, wouldn't closing the bars seem the more appropriate way to stop drunken violence? It would unless you're an elected official in Washington DC.

After all, Washington is where they've begun ticketing people who are parked in their own driveway. Not people who are letting part of their car hang over the sidewalk or even street. It's people whose cars aren't completely passed the front of the house. How can they do that? The law is that the property between the sidewalk and front of the house is public property. Although the "owner" still must maintain it. Does this mean that homeowners are going to have to begin repaving the street in front of their house? Does this mean I can have a picnic on someone's front lawn? After all, it's public space.

Major college basketball coaches in Kentucky aren't having a good time of it lately. Rick Pitino's problems come from off the court while John Calipari's are on it. As a Louisville fan, does the allegations about his one night stand/alleged rape/abortion connection change my opinion about him? Not really. On a personal level, I've never liked him much anyway. His "I meant it at the time I said it" pattern means I never believe a lot of what comes out of his mouth. I don't believe him when he says this was a one time thing. There were rumors about him philandering when he was at UK. Why would I think it suddenly stopped. However, I don't believe he raped her. And I only need one reason to figure that out. Why would she marry the guy who worked for her rapist and at whose home the second alleged rape occurred? That means in six months, she decided to marry a man who didn't stop her from being raped and whose job would make her have to spend time around that rapist? Sorry, not buying it. And while I assume Pitino knew it was possible that she might get an abortion, I actually believe him when he says the money wasn't for that. He did give her a lot more money than what it would cost. Of course, I doubt the baby was even his. She told him 2 weeks after which is about as early as it would show on a test. Was she checking every day? Plus, if it was his and she wants money, why kill the golden goose? Not that she's shown herself to be really bright. She could have nickle and dimed him for years or asked for a few hundred thousand at once and probably got it. Instead, she asks for $10 million to keep her mouth shut. Well, he makes about $2.5 million a year which means his take home pay is less than half of that. That means she was asking him for eight years of take home pay which means he's no longer worried about losing his job over any embarrassment because it'd be a lot cheaper to quit than pay $10M. Oh, and she's also probably going to jail over it.

Now, I don't think my coaches need to be saints so since I don't think he broke the law, I wouldn't fire him over one count of adultery that happened several years ago. However, if I thought the potential distraction outweighed keeping him, I'd want him gone. However, I don't want Ralph Willard as the interim coach (fine at WKU & Holy Cross, just plain bad at Pitt) so for this year, I don't see any choice other than keeping Pitino. And I'm not sure the conditions at road games will be that terrible. UK is already wanting blood so who cares about there. I laugh whenever I see "pundits" point out all the Catholic schools on UL's schedule and their reaction to the abortion claim. Yeah, right. Catholic schools are being criticized a lot lately for honoring pro choice politicians and allowing pro choice (and gay) groups and activities be sponsored on campus. It's pretty clear that most of their students aren't going to get bent out of shape over things opposite of church teaching. And the other claim that it will hurt recruiting is pretty silly too. How many college basketball players do you think are that concerned with a coach messing around like that? Probably a lot want to pick up some pointers on picking up chicks willing to not just sleep with you, but put out at the bar itself.

Now Calipari has a different problem. His best season ever was a 38 win runner up in 2007. Well, it's gone. Vacated because star player/imbecile Derrick Rose cheated to pass the SAT to be eligible. My favorite part of the whole thing is watching the feuding columnists at the Herald-Leader. You have Mark Story who has been against Calipari's hiring from the get-go due to his sketchy rep. Then you have John Clay who is so embarrassingly fawning over Calipari that he should be paid for his PR work. Come on. A headline that says "Calipari Guilty of Trusting NCAA"? Please. I freely admit there isn't any way to connect Calipari directly to Rose's cheating, but to pretend he's some kind of victim is laughable. I initially thought he was a good hire even with the Umass problem. Then I thought it was nuts that UK hired him when I found out that Memphis was being investigated and UK knew it. UK is not a program that can get away with hiring a cheater. It would be like Alabama hiring someone with probation in his background.

Do I think you can prove that Calipari knew Rose cheated? Nope. Do I think he did know? Hell yeah. Top athletes who have committed to a program don't send their transcripts to the NCAA clearinghouse. The school handles it. The school and staff are well aware what's going on with their academic life if they aren't qualified. Does anyone think Calipari wasn't aware that Rose had failed a standardized test three times and suddenly passed one in another state? I don't and I'm not alone. Georgia refused to admit Robert Dozier because of a very sketchy test score. Calipari was okay with it and Dozier did graduate with degree in interdisciplinary studies. Wait, did he get a degree in Undecided? A degree. I'll take that with a grain of salt. James Brooks graduated with a degree from Auburn and couldn't read. Calipari also got a bunch of other geniuses from a really suspect prep school that Dozier attended. Add that to his Umass problem and it's hard to give him the benefit of the doubt. Does that mean he'll get a Final Four vacated at UK? Don't know. I do know that a friend at work was completely correct about one thing. If Calipari stayed at Memphis and this came up, all the UK fans would insist he was a cheater. I also think that if UK does get a Final Four invalidated because of Calipari, they'll still hang a banner at Rupp Arena for it.

Here's a teacher with a degree who is stupider than James Brooks. An idiot fourth grade teacher thought it would be okay to have fake wedding ceremony with a student. One of his students. A fourth grader. Which we know is bad because fourth graders are such jealous, harpie bitches towards each other and will hold the favortism against her. Oh, and fourth graders are like ten years old. WTF could he have been thinking? Really. WTF. How could that turn out anything but bad?

This teacher knew that certain things should not be known. She got it on with a 15 year old student (of the male gender). And gave him $1500. I really hope that the money was to pay for his silence. She's not a great beauty but she could easily get one night stands by offering herself. I can't believe she'd find sex with a teenager good enough to pay for. $1500? That's what....$1500 per minute?

Then we get this one. A teacher in California decides to make a home DVD of class activities for her elementary school kids. And somehow includes a clip of her fingerbanging herself for a handful of seconds. But fear not. She's probably not going to be fired. I guess I could look for a follow up story but I don't feel like it. But it's nice that everyone is convinced that it was just an accident. Who knows what kind of freak she really is? And the father who wants counseling for his kids is classic. He also wants someone to answer his kids' questions. I can do that. Just tell them that she's looking for her keys.

Michael Vick & Other Stuff

2009-08-15T12:25:00.035-04:00

So the Eagles signed Michael Vick. I knew someone would. Didn't think the Eagles would. In fact, no matter how I look at it, the deal makes no sense to me. Let's ignore for the moment the whole PR disaster that could result from it. Let's look at the football part of it. To begin with, Vick may not even be able to play until almost halfway through the season but will take up a roster spot until then. The idea is that Vick can run the "Wildcat" formation for the Eagles. But that's a limited formation that bad offenses use because defenses struggle to prepare for it. Of course, the reason defenses struggle with it is because it's not a base offense and is essentially a trick play. And it's value goes down the more you use it. I'm not sure Vick running the offense will be that effective because the Wildcat is essentially a running back with the ability to make a decent throw playing quarterback. Which is basically what Vick was in Atlanta. An inaccurate passer who could tuck it and run. What's worse is the Eagles apparently didn't even try him out before they signed him. He looked chunkier than before. Who knows if he's even going to have his game breaking speed anymore.

And the Eagles didn't have a bad offense overall last year. They were the fifth highest scoring team in the regular season and made the NFC title game. Will a few boosts really make that much of a difference? Especially at the expense of team chemistry? Sure everyone says the right things. Donovan McNabb insists he pushed for it. But behind the scenes, that doesn't sound true. And why would anyone think McNabb is for it? He was unhappy when the Eagles drafted Kevin Kolb in the second round. Why would he suddenly be happy that they signed a quarterback who was once a star? And as Jaws says, Vick is a threat to McNabb. Philly has a passionate fanbase, but they've never been accused of being very smart about the game itself. They'll be screaming for Vick if McNabb has a bad series. That could be a problem for McNabb who is overly sensitive.

Then there is the whole PR problem surrounding why Vick was out of football for two years. Sure, America's village idiot, Jesse Jackson, actually claimed the NFL was colluding to keep Vick out and he deserves a second chance. Sure, he may deserve a second chance, but that doesn't mean an NFL team has to give it to him. Playing pro football is a privilege, not a right. He can go dig ditches for all I care. Teams have to measure how he'll impact their win/loss record plus their image which affects the bottom line. The Eagles' owner is already taking a hit to his reputation by signing Vick after saying a couple of years back that he'd never have a dog fighter on his team. And let's remember that Vick was doing more than fighting dogs. He was pretty much torturing ones that didn't pan out. Does this mean I don't believe him when he says he was remorseful about the "horrible mistake" he made while engaged in it? Of course I don't believe him. They were hanging dogs to kill them. I refuse to believe he thought he was doing something wrong but couldn't at least switch to shooting the dogs to make it quicker. He's only remorseful that he got caught. The Eagles are going to have a distraction of people very unhappy with this signing and they're stupid if they didn't know it was coming. This writer hits the nail on the head. Why are so many people out there risking their reputation to support Michael Vick?

But let's get to some stories that I've been saving for quite some time:
Let's start with England. A few months back, I mentioned a story where some 12 year old boy supposedly knocked up his girlfriend. Well, he wasn't the father. So soul-searching in England will now have to shift to asking why a 14 year old girl has so many people claiming to have fathered her baby.

Speaking of teen sex, we have another story of a cougar sleeping with teen boys. Except she has a novel excuse. This woman wanted to keep predatory boys from messing with her girls. By sleeping with those predatory boys. Oh, and because it made her feel young and attractive. But it was really about protecting her daughters. If my "she-was-warming-her-hands-in-pants" excuse didn't fly, this one shouldn't.

Ah China. A man is feeling suicidal and climbs a bridge to jump off. Another man decides he's tired of people trying to get attention by pretending they are going to kill themselves. Which seemed an accurate idea in this case since the guy was only 26 feet up. So, the passerby pushes him off the bridge. Problem solved.

I find this story from Britain more concerning than the one about 14 year old sluts. Pringles will now be taxed under their VAT because it has too much "potatoness". Something not quite right in taxing Pringles as a non-food because of too much food content. Also something very wrong with a 17% sales tax on potato chips.

Nice to see Yale is training their students to come up with big ideas. Even if they are incredibly dumb. One student decided to live in a "sustainable house". She calls it sustainable because she's able to power it with solar cells. Well, her definition of sustainable seems to include things that my definition wouldn't. Like being the size of a dorm room. And being built with donated material. And having a neighbor let you use their bathroom because this house doesn't have one. This is ridiculous to think she's proven anything. She essentially is living in a solar powered garden shed. Does anyone really think that this is a realistic model for future dwellings?

Interesting marketing plan by Cheap Trick. They're going to release an album on 8 track. Not necessarily a way to get younger fans who won't even know what an 8 track is. As someone whose first stereo was a hand-me-down that included an 8 track player, I wouldn't be real thrilled to go back to that format. Cassette tapes replaced 8 tracks for little reasons like being more portable, cheaper and the ability to rewind. Oh, and cassettes didn't have the wonderful "8 Track Click" that would often happen when you were in the middle of a song. Certain irony for me with this story. I didn't have very many 8 track cartridges (the stereo also had a record player and 8 tracks weren't readily available anymore), but one that I found at a garage sale was In Color by Cheap Trick.

How about some hooker stories. Here's one about your government at work. Well, if you're in Amsterdam. The city council is very concerned about the ability of whores to get bank loans. I have no idea why banks might think hookers are bad credit risks and not want to give them money.

In Mexico, two midget wrestlers were killed by female robbers pretending to be hookers. Damned shame when little people have to worry about their whores not really being whores.

And finally, I stumbled across this video from Thunder Over Louisville Air Show this year. It's two Chinook helicopters dipping themselves in the Ohio River while putting on their show. My brother was flying one of them.

Cars & Stuff

2009-07-25T21:21:00.031-04:00

Once again, I have fallen behind on updating my blog. I haven't even written about the massive government interference in the auto industry yet. It came up again recently when they decided to throw more money into the "Cars For Clunkers" program. Why not just throw money down the toilet? The point of the program is to get people to trade in old, inefficient cars for ones with better mileage standards. It's supposed to help the environment by getting those inefficient cars off the road, and help the economy by getting people to buy cars. I'm failing to see how either can be attained by destroying a perfectly functional car.

Environmentally, what do you get? Some savings on mileage? How much pollution do you create destroying the car and building a brand new one compared to a car that gets 5 miles per gallon worse? And you're probably not getting the cars off the road that you want. It's really old ones that are the big polluters, because cars just lose integrity in their miles per gallons and emissions controls as they age. And those are most likely to be owned by people who are poor. Since the program only applies if you buy a new car, that will exclude them from it. I don't know why this administration hates poor people so much, but this program screws them. More than likely they can't afford a new car so trading in their POS for a Prius isn't feasible. And by destroying all the cars, they're hurting the used car market. With a bunch serviceable cars off the used car market, buying a good used car will be more expensive (lower supply equal higher prices). So, instead of being able to trade their 10 year old car for a 5 year old one that probably gets better mileage, that person will stick with their old beater.

Now, some people who can't afford a new car may decide to buy one anyway to take advantage of the cash. Which means they'll have to take out a loan that has a better chance of defaulting. Do you think a glut of bad loans could be a problem? But that's not the only economically unsound part of the program. Just because people are buying cars doesn't mean it's stimulating the economy. It's just moving money from one sector of the economy to another. That's probably why there was a decline in retail sales last month. People would have been spending the money on something else. Which brings up a very important question? Should the government in a free society be picking which economic sector will be successful by subsidizing it?

Of course, we already know that the present administration has decided to become very involved in the American auto industry. They now own big chunks of GM and pushed Chrysler to basically give itself to Fiat, a company that has never sold cars well in this country. Barack Obama insists that the government doesn't want to run GM and plans to sell it off as soon as possible. Yeah, that's a prize jewel you're putting on the market. I'm sure everyone wants a business that is in massive debt and still tied to a crippling labor agreement. Amtrak was only supposed to be government financed for a few years. We're almost 40 years in on that one. And we'll be stuck with GM. The amount of government money already plowed into that white elephant can probably never be paid back even if it goes private again.

What a great idea this is. Everyone knows what great car designs and quality come out of government owned car industries. Think about all those Eastern European countries with state run economies. Their cars (think Yugos) were in huge demand in the west. Why would anyone think the government can run a lemonade stand let alone a massively large car company? Especially since the decision making so far has been made by a task force that has one person on it with experience in the auto industry. On the labor side. Which happens to be a big cause of GM's competitive problems.

What was one of their first decisions? Closing a bunch of dealerships because Toyota and Honda are being more successful than GM and Chrysler and they have fewer dealerships. Hate to tell these morons, but Toyota isn't out-selling GM because of fewer dealerships. And if your problem is selling cars, having fewer outlets for them isn't going to help. The argument is GM dealers are often competing with each other instead of other car companies so they undercut each other's prices. How is this a bad thing for the consumer? That would be like an appliance company refusing to sell to Meijer because they might drop their prices to compete with Walmart. I'm sure car buyers will flock to the more expensive sellers. Dealers buy their cars from the manufacturer and resell them. GM isn't losing money when one of their dealer drops his prices. They also argue that they have to give incentives to all the dealers. No, they don't. They can let each dealership sink or swim on their own.

And it doesn't account for what you lose. To begin with, a lot of jobs. And for another, they're making an assumption that if one dealership sells 200 and another sells 500, then the larger dealer will sell 700 when the smaller one closes. Yes, people can be brand loyal with cars, but they may also be loyal to the dealership they've shopped at for years. And aren't willing to drive to the next county to buy their new car when there is a perfectly good Toyota dealer just down the road with cheaper cars. Especially when one starts thinking about having to drive to the next county to get it serviced.

And then you get into the whole problem of government decision when they have that kind of power. There are already some people questioning whether dealers that are being closed could be picked for political reasons. Obama states that the government won't get involved in the day to day business decisions, but they already are by pushing for hybrids and more smaller cars. That's a great way to get GM out of financial trouble. Selling unprofitable products. Toyota sells a ton of hybrids but doesn't make money off of them.

As for small cars, American car companies are already having trouble competing with Japanese companies due to labor costs. People who drive Camrys and Accords aren't going to suddenly switch back to a more expensive Fusion or Malibu. And remember how American auto makers were criticized for pushing SUVs which became poor sellers when gas prices soared? SUVs are the only reason GM managed to stave off bankruptcy this long. SUVs and trucks were the only profitable vehicles they had. It's simple economics. SUVs had a high selling price so labor was a smaller percentage of each one. With a small car, it's a much larger percentage so it means UAW built cars are more expensive. And yet, the UAW knows it's power in this relationship. So, GM will be building a subcompact car in the US. If they aren't competitive with the foreign competitors on small cars now, why should we expect it to be better on even smaller cars? Here's a car that's already a top seller and uses no fossil fuels to drive. It's Obama's dream car.

Michael Jackson & Other News

2009-06-28T16:42:00.040-04:00

Man, I got behind on this blog. Got a lot to catch up on. Michael Jackson died and it was a huge deal. For most people. I was kind of indifferent. In fact, the tragic death of an Iowa football coach and even pitchman Billy Mays were more compelling to me. I certainly didn't wish Jackson dead. I'd rather parents just not let kids sleep over with him. But people die everyday, and I just don't find his to be that extraordinary. I don't feel a part of my childhood is lost. To begin with, I'm not that big a fan of pop music. Billie Jean was a great song, and Thriller was a really good album, but the last song of his I thought was decent was Smooth Criminal. King of Pop? I thought Prince had more talent. And when he became a sideshow freak, I no longer considered him a good part of my childhood (but probably still better than a lot of other childhoods he ruined). But even if I was a huge fan and didn't believe he had molested children, I still wouldn't be that torn up about it. To be honest, my concern for celebrity well being is so they continue to entertain. Jackson hadn't done anything for well over a decade. He's spent a lot of time scamming people into thinking he would do something new before bailing out again. I never thought his new tour would happen (but not because I thought he would die). The only contribution Jackson has made lately is silly tabloid crap over his bizarre behavior. Personally, I found that more pathetic than interesting.

A man (who might have been drunk) was arrested for using a live swan to beat on his friend. Now my first thought was how terrible for the swan. But then my next thought was that it was probably pretty funny to see. My final thought was to wonder if that made a good weapon.

The US soccer team made news this week by almost winning their first FIFA tournament. But they lost. Would have been a nice win since it would have pissed off the rest of the world. Other than that, I don't care. I've long said that as long as football and basketball are as popular as they are here, the US won't be a top team in soccer. The best US athletes just play other sports. I don't know that Barry Sanders would have been a good soccer player but with his speed and nimble feet, it would have been interesting to see what would have happened if he played soccer from childhood. Yet, other countries are so silly about that sport that some thought Iran's election could hinge on it. Which turned out to be a stupid thought when the ruling mullahs simply swiped the election for Ahmadinejad. Who needs soccer when you run a brutal dictatorship.

Which has led to mass protests in Iran. Which surprises me because it wasn't a fair election even before the fraud. All candidates have to be pre-approved by the ruling religious council. Someone didn't get the memo. Now our Lord and Savior, Barak Obama, doesn't seem to be sure what the Hell he thinks about all this. I'm sure it's all a distraction. But Obama did do one thing. He took back his invitations (that were never accepted) for Iranian diplomats to attend 4th of July parties at American embassies. It was called "Hot Dog Diplomacy". What a great idea. Invite people from a totalitarian country to celebrate our freedom. Probably for the best. This is the same administration that gave the British PM DVDs that wouldn't work over there. Probably would have served 100% pork hot dogs. Oh, but Obama did credit his speech in Cairo for leading to the protests even though it never really addressed Iranian voting freedom. But I'm sure it was all because of the speech and has nothing to do with the fact that Iraqis are freely voting right next door.

I'm not going to belittle a county for complaining that a Krispy Kreme plant is clogging sewer pipes. Well, I am. On one point anyway. It says that the sewage plant is "permeated by the smell of doughnuts". As opposed to raw sewage? I think I'd prefer the smell of doughnuts over crap.

Some contestant on American Idol made news by coming out of the closet. I was shocked. I thought that was a requirement to finish second place.

Mmmmmmmm. Cleavage.

Hell yeah. I've been worried about the proposed A-Team movie because I heard some rapper named Common was going to be B.A.. Who the Hell is that? But now I've heard some good news. They might be getting Liam Neeson to be Hannibal Smith. I could easily see him stepping into George Peppard's role. I'm not really sure who they should get for B.A.. Mr. T was really a character himself, not just playing one. But they better have the A-Team van. And it's a movie so they can actually shoot people instead of just their cars.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes PETA very seriously. Oh, because they equate throwing dead fish in a fish market to throwing dead kittens. Get a clue, dumbasses. People aren't going to make that comparison because kittens are pets. Those fish are for dinner. If we ate kittens (and depending on where you get your takeout, you might), people might throw their carcasses around.

Gee, I wonder why no one takes England very seriously anymore. Oh, because in an effort to combat knife violence, someone there came up with the stab proof knife. Yeah, I'm sure the criminal element will be scarfing these up. Actually, they probably like it because if they break into your house, you can't even grab a knife to defend yourself anymore.

Here's why they should make losers in frivolous lawsuits not only have to pay all the expenses, but sterilize some of them. A woman sues Captain Crunch because the Crunchberries were not real fruit as she expected. Okay, it's bad enough that she thought she could convince anyone that there is a non-retarded person out there who thinks there are such a thing as Crunchberries growing in the wild. No, the reason this women needs to be eliminated from the gene pool is because she ate them for four years before deciding they weren't fruit.

Hey, maybe this was her attorney. Up in Jeffersonville, Indiana, a lawyer who represents several public entities somehow got drunk and ended up in a neighbor's garbage can. Now the mayor is on the attack. Not against his embarrassment of an attorney. Nope, he wants to go after the cops because they took pictures on their cell phones and let the pictures out. Sorry, chump. The cops weren't in the wrong. That pictures was taken on a public street. If they were wrong about anything, it's because they didn't arrest him for getting drunk and passing out in the garbage can. How low rent is that guy? When I get drunk and wallow in filth, it's usually my own. Not my neighbor's.

The Greatest Story of the Year & Other News

2009-05-18T20:57:00.028-04:00

Okay, maybe not of the year, but it certainly made my day when I heard that Tony Kornholer is no longer going to do Monday Night Football. He was the absolute worst broadcaster I ever heard. He'd spend half the time rambling about nothing. Or fawning over whatever schmo they pulled from some ABC show they were pimping. Or worse, asking absolutely stupid questions that make me wonder if he ate lead paint to prepare for the show. Dennis Miller had better knowledge of football than Kornholer. I think I took a dump that had more football knowledge than Kornholer. Now they're replacing him with Jon Gruden. What an idea. Having an actual broadcaster doing play-by-play and two football guys doing color. I wonder if that will work.

I didn't bet the filly in the Preakness, but only because I almost never bet at those odds. But I thought she was clearly the best horse in the field. She wasn't even running her best race and still won by a full length. They aren't sure if she'll go to the Belmont which is too bad. She's the best 3 year old running. Of course it helps that a good chunk of the top horses have been hurt. Old Fashioned got hurt early. I Want Revenge was a late Derby scratch. I was hoping Quality Road would be back for the Belmont, but it looks like he won't. I think he could be the best 3 year old out there. Could be some interesting inbound horses for the Belmont though. Dunkirk has the talent so he could be there. But I'm looking at Charitable Man coming out of the Peter Pan. I think that could be the one if Rachel Alexandra skips it.

There's been talk of the Preakness moving from Pimlico Racetrack because nobody goes any other time and it's in a ghetto. But it's not like Churchill is in a great neighborhood. No, the problem is people in Maryland just don't care that much about horse racing anymore. Attendance at the Preakness was down a bunch this year. Because they banned BYOB in the infield. Might want to bring that back. What's a horse race without guys running on top of porta-cans. I'm not surprised that's the case. Growing up in Louisville, the Derby was huge and so was horse racing in general. When I lived just north of Baltimore, Preakness Day was fairly big deal, but not much more than a college football game big. Otherwise no talked about horse racing.

John Edwards is the story that keeps on giving. To begin with, I should feel sorry for his wife. He cheated on her while she had cancer. Granted, she was in remission but I was never sure that was better. Most likely knocked up his mistress. But she makes it tough when she talks to Oprah and blames the other woman. Lying incoherently didn't help matters. Does anyone really believe she was told about it and didn't want the mistress fired? Now, we get the story that some of Edwards' campaign staff had a plan to derail his campaign if it looked like he'd get the nomination because they were concerned the rumors were true. That's great. I'm sure all the shmucks who shelled out a lot of money for his campaign were happy to hear that.

A poster of Bill O'Reilly being assassinated is hanging on the wall of a restaurant in Venice, CA. I thought it was conservatives that were hateful.

I don't understand this. There is only one pig in Afghanistan. In a zoo. I do understand that Muslims don't eat pork because it's unclean, but banning pigs is silly. There are plenty of animals that we don't eat that aren't banned from the country. Chinchillas. Iguanas. Bald eagles. Homeless children.

Two employees somewhere at Yellowstone were fired and charged with crimes for taking a piss in Old Faithful. There is no mention of whether alcohol was involved. God, I hope so. I've been drunk before but never thought about pissing in a boiling pot of water. That'd be a good punishment. Have them stand around with their wangs hanging out next to a geyser that isn't always on time.

Cat Stevens is going to sue Coldplay over some Coldplay song sounding like some Cat Stevens song. I can't really make a determination if it's really a ripoff because I didn't feel like listening to either song.

I shouldn't laugh about this because these kids are probably going to be screwed up in the future. But a woman in Dallas (probably a Cowboys fan which explains everything) gave birth to fraternal twins and just found out they have different daddies. She says she did cheat on her man but manages to try to sound like a victim when she says "Out of all people in America and of all people in the world, it had to happen to me". Yeah. It's God's fault. Or the fact you're a ho who can't keep her legs closed.

What kind of story is this? Two chicks get busted for prostituting themselves with a minor, and the article doesn't even mention his age? If he's a 17 year old minor, so what? If he's 11, that's more interesting. Besides, I don't see where he got busted for solicitation. Sure he's a minor, but he was buying. And at $5 to $30, I'm curious what he was buying. Sure, I assume that you're getting something for $30 but from a skank. But $5? What kind of junkie whore gives away anything for $5?

No reason to have one hooker story without another. Some Polish dude took his 14 year old son out to get himself a whore to lose his virginity with. Too bad the kid picked out the cop. Freshman. They don't know the clean one is a cop. Oh, they were in England too. Maybe in Poland, that's okay. But it says the deal was only for 20 pounds which is $30 so maybe I always thought hookers cost more. Crap, you can get a lapdance for $30. Am I wasting my money or are these guys going after really nasty hookers?

Let's do some "Your Government At Work" stories. Number one is only if you live in Massachusetts which makes you a Masshole. The state is giving cars to welfare recipients so they can drive to work. Unless they go back on welfare. Then they can keep the free car and just lose the insurance and AAA membership. Why the Hell they would buy deadbeats AAA insurance that most people who pay for their own $hit don't have is beyond me. And I'm sure they're running out and buying liability insurance. Just because you don't own squat and have no reason to fear a lawsuit when you get high on meth and ram into another car is no reason to think these people won't get insurance. So, let's give high risk people a car and put them out on the road with no insurance. Great friggin idea.

Great. The government is funding a study through the NIH to find out why gay men like to take risks with their buttsex when they're drunk. Except the study was to take place in gay bars in Argentina. Now, I'm not gay, Argentinian or drunk. Well, maybe drunk. But I can answer this question. To begin with, drunk people make lousy decisions. Secondly, it's two guys. Both are trolling for sex. What did they expect to happen? And why would they think gay bars in Argentina would be different from home grown gay bars?

But gay bars in Argentina aren't the only places that are getting US government money. Chinese whorehouses are too. Apparently if they have bars. Wayne State got a grant to teach Chinese whores to drink responsibly while selling their cootchie. Granted, there is nothing worse than a drunk chinese hooker, but the point is to stop the spread of HIV. Do they really think these women are spreading disease because they are drunk and not because they are whores?

NBA Playoffs & Other News

2009-05-10T19:02:00.030-04:00

I'm having a good laugh about these playoffs. If I had to bet, I'd put quite a bit of money on the Cavs winning it all. I see that Yao Ming broke his foot. Does anyone know where David Stern was when that happened? I'm guessing that the NBA would very much like to see a Kobe-LeBron matchup in the finals. Can't let those damned Rockets get in the way. But the most interesting part has been the fouls. Rajon Rondo makes no effort at the ball, hits Brad Miller upside the head and doesn't get a flagrant foul called. Which meant a dazed Miller could only be substituted for the choice of Boston's coach and it wouldn't be two shots and the ball as if it was flagrant. The defense of the call was that it was in the closing seconds and only the most blatant should be called. Okay. Then at the end of the latest Dallas/Denver game, a Dallas player was swiping at Denver's Carmelo Anthony in the last few seconds of the game to get a non-shooting foul. Nothing was called and Anthony hit a last second three for the win. Dallas complained because they thought the foul should have been called. It was a foul, but pretty tame. Which do they want? Hold the whistle at the end of the game or not?

Thought this was interesting. The University of Missouri is requiring journalism students to have an iTouch or iPhone. They say they are doing it because by making it a requirement, students can include it on a financial aid which I think it pretty stupid. If you've got a computer, you can re-watch it on iTunes so why should the federal government be buying iPods for students? And I like my iPod, but why shaft an incoming student who has another mp3 player and isn't on financial aid by making them buy one?

And come to think of it, why do they still have journalism school? Newspapers are dying. Local TV news hires former beauty queens and network news hires former Democratic aides. I only get the paper if I feel like doing the crossword puzzle or seeing what ad specials are out for strip clubs. I used to think newspapers were declining because of the absence of Calvin and Hobbes, but now I think it's more than that. The internet is definitely taking a toll, and the newspapers weren't sure how to handle it. But I think it's more than that. The business structure sucks. The Louisville Courier-Journal has a full time reporter in Washington DC (they call him a bureau) which makes no sense because most of their national news is pulled from the AP wire. Newspapers routinely send sportswriters to cover the Final Four or Super Bowl whether or not there is a local angle. Why? Just pick up a national feed. That's just wasting money. I'm not all that concerned with the loss of newspapers. If they were smart, they'd go to fewer days of the week and be smaller to save money. Most of what's in them comes from wire services so I can read it online before it gets printed. Major local stories also hit the local TV news before they get in the paper. So, go with a three or four day a week tabloid with in-depth local news. Not that they've shown an ability to do that as it is. The Boston Globe was almost closed because it's losing millions of dollars a week. So, how did they cover a story in their own backyard? They ignored it and based the story from Kentucky. Yep, newspapers are vital for local coverage.

If you're a cop and dating an ex-con, maybe you should re-think that one. A Florida deputy threw away a 21 year career because his wife took her mother and some teenage dude on a joyride in his patrol car. Looking at his wife's picture, I'm sure he could have done better. Although she seems adept at picking up 19 year old losers.

A 15 year old girl was spray tanned naked by a man running the tanning salon. Now Indiana is in an uproar (and blaming Kelvin Sampson, I assume) because they discovered that it isn't illegal. I'm shocked. I could learn how to do that. Uh, I mean that this is a travesty and must be made illegal immediately.

Imagine that. CIA agents don't trust Barack Obama because they think releasing the interrogation memos stabbed them in the back. So, basically, they don't want to do anything they can be second guessed on. Which I'm sure will make us safer. The whole argument over waterboarding is getting ridiculous. It must not have been torture because torture is illegal. If waterboarding is torture, Obama would not have needed to sign an executive order banning it. It would have already been illegal. Or since we've heard stories that the CIA was using it several years ago, why didn't Democratic Congressmen introduce a bill directly banning it. Especially since while Nancy Pelosi is lying about it, it's pretty obvious she knew it was going on. At the very least, she thought it was legal. And do I really care about the three scumbags getting waterboarded for info? Considering who they were, I wouldn't care if they were waterboarded for fun. As for the argument that the U.S. doing that to them helped Al-Qaeda recruit, that's laughable. Al-Qaeda chops the heads off of electrical contractors for fun. Do you really think they find harsh interrogations to be offensive? If anything, telling them what they may go through if captured will spur recruitment. They know they don't have to fear anything now.

There was a story awhile back questioning whether a boob job will help lawyers get ahead. I don't think it'd help men too much, but it probably wouldn't hurt women. Now, we get some woman in Australia who had her legs broken in four places so they could be stretched and she'd gain three inches of height. She thinks that will help her legal/political career. I'm not so sure since it's come out that she did that. I broke my arm once. In one place. I didn't like it. I don't think I'd be so quick to hire a nutsack like that.

Ah, England. They released a list of people banned from traveling to their politically correct country. It had skinheads, hamas leaders and radio host Michael Savage. Now, I'm not a Savage fan. I find his voice to be grating and he intentionally stirs up stuff, but so what? I've never heard him advocate going around killing people. What makes it worse is that he wasn't even planning to go there so some bureaucrat just decided arbitrarily to keep him out. Actually what makes it worse is that person just got dinged for expensing her husbands porno movies. Wait. That's not right. The absolute worst part is these are the people they let come in and stay. Frankly, I don't find Michael Savage to be that dangerous. But we are talking about a country that has become so retarded that arresting a 10 year old for using a playground insults results in more criticism of the judge for letting him go than for the idiots who arrested him.

When talking about the Somali pirates recently, I expressed concerns about the present administration following up with action against the pirates. And it looks like I was right. A Navy vessel was attacked by some pirates. And ran. Shouldn't the Navy be engaging pirates who attack them?

At a DC food bank, Michelle Obama was seen wearing a pair of $540 sneakers. Now, I don't really care what she wears. Hell, I became a cynic when I was in college volunteering at a meal center. I'm wearing a pair of Converse sneakers (not Chuck Taylors which go in and out of style but the cheapo sorta leather ones) and serving free food to someone wearing a pair of Nike Air Jordans. But I can imagine how different the reaction would have been if Laura Bush had shown up to help the poor wearing those things. Actually, my first thought is what the Hell makes those things worth $540?

Why can't Johnny read? It's a question I've tried to answer many times. And I keep getting new reasons. The latest is the LA school system where firing a teacher is almost impossible. Surprisingly the LA Times had a long article that actually seemed to oppose teacher's unions on this. Basically, a teacher has to do a lot to get fired and not be reinstated on appeal. The part that really got me was where they investigated some instances where a teacher's firing was overturned. One of them was fired for keeping "pornography, marijuana and vials with cocaine residue at school." And reinstated. Why wasn't he in jail?

The Count of Monte Cristo would be proud. A woman decided to get revenge against some woman whose daughter got into a fight with her daughter or something. Since it was between 9 year olds, this was obviously the mature action. She set up a sex ad on Craigslist and directed the people who sent an email to call the other woman who apparently wasn't happy about getting so much action. The problem is that she must have done it from her home computer and got caught. Idiot.

Ah, who says dumpster sex isn't the best sex? A man and woman were caught doing it in the bottom of a dumpster. I thought I was cheap. And if they couldn't afford a room, couldn't they do it behind the dumpster? I'm very disappointed in the police who responded. They let the woman go. I don't really care about her behavior, but if she'd been arrested, there would be a mug shot and we could see what kind of woman agrees to have sex in a dumpster.

I'll be traveling for work in the coming weeks so I may not get my Preakness predictions in. Unlike a lot of Preaknesses, several Derby horses are entering it. Gee, I wonder why. I'm taking the filly. Assuming Rachel Alexandra makes it into the field. The owner of Mine That Bird was going to enter another horse just to keep her out (gee, I wonder why) and freely admitted it. Then he changed his mind. Probably because he realized what a gutless douche he was being. Or more likely didn't really want to pay the entry fee for his second horse, and D. Wayne Lukas was going to drop his second horse if it kept Rachel Alexandra out. Oh well, maybe he can just bribe someone instead.

Stupid Horse & Other News

2009-05-05T20:00:00.020-04:00

I can't believe that nag won the Kentucky Derby. This is embarrassing. The most prestigious horse race in the world is won by a horse who lost his last two races in ungraded stakes races at Sunland which is a crappy little track outside El Paso. His last big race was the Breeder's Cup Juvenile which he finished last. Stellar. I've said time and again that the field is just too big. The track secretary was repeatedly calling Mine That Birds connections to remind them that he had enough earnings to be in. That's pretty sad that Churchill Downs needs the entry fees so badly that they'll take the fourth place finisher of the Sunland Derby. It's really sad that POS won. It didn't run a lick in it's last race and suddenly it explodes down the stretch? Mine That Bird is the worst Derby history in history. At least in my lifetime. I thought Giacomo was bad, but at least he'd hit the board in the Santa Anita Derby before the Kentucky Derby. That's a slightly better race than the Sunland Derby.

I'm a snob about horse racing. I don't mind long shots coming in when it's a regular race, but I want the top horses to win the Derby. I saw some saying it was good for racing that a long shot won. Is it? Based on what? How did Giacomo help racing when he was a non-factor the rest of his career? I think racing would have been helped a lot more if Afleet Alex had won the Triple Crown that year. Cinderella stories are for college basketball. Now, I'm not saying a cheap horse becoming a star is a bad thing. Seattle Slew and Smarty Jones weren't expected to be much, but they were top horses going into the Derby. Not some low rent nag from the sticks.

Gee, Pennsylvania Senator Arlen Specter left the Republican Party to become a Democrat. And freely admits that it's because he can't win the Republican Party primary for his 2010 seat. Crass political pragmatism. That always goes over well with voters. And it's not the first time he switched parties just to get elected. It screws things up with the Republican filibuster attempts, but he wasn't a solid vote anyway so I'm not sorry to see his worthless ass go. I didn't need him supporting the stimulus joke to begin disliking that douchebag. I thought Republicans were stupid not to try someone else in 2004. They're looking foolish now for raising money and campaigning for him. And he's not a lock to win re-election even though Pennsylvania always trends Democratic. Mainly because I'm not sure Specter is going to even win the Democratic primary. Specter always needed a big Republican push to hold his seat, and they really had no choice but to vote for him. But what do Democratic voters owe him. The party leadership is backing him, but are the rank and file going to? Wouldn't they want someone who hasn't been a Republican Senator for the past 29 years and isn't running on the campaign slogan "My Only Principle Is I Like Being A Senator"?

An Akron strip is in trouble. For having a 14 year old stripper. Oh, and not having a licence to run a strip joint. So, if you have one of your dancers wearing a Hello Kitty g-string, wouldn't it be smart to have the rest of your paperwork in order so you don't get checked on? When Camelot West had a 14 year old stripper here in Lexington, they got busted because her mom followed her to work.

Ah, criminal masterminds. A couple of dumbasses were arrested for stealing a county truck. They got caught because they were pushing it. Because it didn't work. And stealing a working truck would be way too much work.

I am happy to announce that I am not one of the 1539 people who has the swine flu (just because I eat slop and wallow in my own filth doesn't mean I have swine flu). But I think it's apparent that it will kill us all. Just because it doesn't seem to be spreading that quickly or more lethal than regular flu is no reason to believe we can survive this. If you have a gun, use it on yourself. It will be quicker. But fortunately Kathleen Sebelius has been confirmed as Secretary of Health And Human Services which was "essential" with the swine flu running amok and making people sick. Because medical doctors with long schooling and expensive degrees need the guidance of someone whose suitability for the job was based solely on endorsing Barak Obama early.

But there is a plus to this. It means they might stop using Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano in that job. She brings a different skill set. Well, actually not. She got the job by supporting Barak Obama too. Might be why I find most cabinet secretaries to be useless. Sure Napolitano is doing a bang-up job at Homeland Security. Her department releases a report telling cops to keep an eye out for returning vets joining radical groups. She defends it by pointing out that Timothy McVeigh was a vet and got his training in the Army. Yeah. And is the only good example she can come up with to be suspicious of a whole group. Who committed his crime 14 years ago, and if I think about it, making a fertilizer based car bomb isn't part of standard army training. Oh, Napolitano is concerned about foreign terrorists too. She wants to guard the Canadian border as much as the Mexican one because the 9/11 terrorists entered the country through there. Except they didn't. But don't worry, she's not really that worried about the southern border either. She's of the opinion that illegal immigration isn't against the law even though it's actually in the penal code, and that might be why it's called "illegal immigration". Yeah, she's an idiot.

Here is one guy who is willing to be sent back. In fact, he wants to go to Mexico. So much that he ran naked down the street so he'd be arrested and shipped home. Yeah, I say let that one go.

Love the call of censorship. Especially since it's not censorship if it's someone turning your painting around while they're teaching in the art room. Especially when they are teaching children and your painting is a 6 foot by 7 foot picture of a gerbil jacking off. I don't want anyone telling me the print of Dogs Shooting Pool over my dining room table isn't art. You can call something art, but I think a serious art student painting a rodent playing with itself is an indication of that I shouldn't take that art department too seriously.

Hmmmmm. "Leading Chinese dissident claims freedom of speech worse than before Olympics." I wonder if anyone out there thought it was a bad idea to give the games to a dictatorship. Let me think.........

Hey, spanking can make a couple closer. Especially if handcuffs are involved.

Kentucky Derby Pick & Other News

2009-05-01T20:05:00.024-04:00

They scratched morning line favorite I Want Revenge, but I wasn't going to bet on him anyway. However, having him scratched means my pick will probably go off at shorter odds. Which sucks. Although with 18 other horses to beat, still a good chance of losing so losing at 10-1 odds is the same as losing with 4-1 odds. Actually, I was able to throw out most of the horses pretty quickly. Not counting I Want Revenge, the only horses I seriously considered were (in order of post position) Hold Me Back, Friesan Fire, Papa Clem, Chocolate Candy, General Quarters, Dunkirk and Pioneer of the Nile. After watching Colonel John not run well at last year's Derby, I'm avoiding horses that have never run on dirt. So as much as I like Pioneer of the Nile (and think he could make the dirt move pretty well), I got to toss him. And that means Chocolate Candy goes too. Hold Me Back had me interested as a long shot, because he can stalk a fast pace, but I don't see a fast pace. And he hasn't beat anyone. General Quarters ran well in the Bluegrass Stakes, but that's synthetic which isn't good, but he has dirt wins too. But they weren't top dirt races, and his pedigree doesn't make me confident of his ability at the distance. Papa Clem has me very interested because he's probably going to be a price. And while he has only really beaten one top horse (Old Fashioned who has been retired), he has run well going against other top horses and does as well on dirt as he does synthetic. If better horses get stuck in traffic, he could have a shot. He's not my choice, but I'll certainly consider him for place/show and in exotics.

That leaves Friesan Fire and Dunkirk. Dunkirk lost the Florida Derby, but barely. And I think he'll do better on Churchill's track. I really liked the way he finished. The downside is the horse didn't run as a two year old which is a concern. The trainer is Todd Pletcher who is one of the best in the business, but has struggled in the Derby. Jockey Edgar Prado is one of my favorites, one of the best and has won the Derby, but I lost every time I bet him at the Keeneland spring meet. Still, he seems to be doing good at Churchill. Friesan Fire won the Louisiana Derby, and the track there is almost exactly like Churchill. And he's won in the mud which may be important here. He's a stalker and has a good post for that. The only concerns are a seven week layoff since his last race. Some are concerned about the distance, but I'm not sure that'll be an issue. So, who to bet? Leaning towards Dunkirk because I can probably get a better price. But I think I'll wait until I see them on the track and decide which horse looks ready to run.

This is beyond a doubt one of the greatest health stories ever. Scientists have found that one of the best cures for a hangover is a bacon sandwich. Because everything is better with bacon. Well, actually it's because of some amino acid thing, but still, it's just another excuse to eat bacon. In fact, I think I'll eat more bacon as a preventive measure to hangovers. Even if I'm not drinking. Contrary to some opinion, I'm not always drunk.

A report came out that the father of one of the children who starred in Slumdog Millionaire tried to sell her. How come when Madonna uses her money to take a child with a family, it's called adopting? Personally, I think the story is a sham, but let's look at it closer. The producers of the movie decided to leave their slum dwelling child actors in the slums because giving them very much money would have a "transformative impact on their lives." That's true. They might move to a house that isn't next to an open sewer. I'm always happy to see wealthy people concerned about the well-being of poor people having money. Sure, they're saving some money for them when they reach 18. Assuming they can reach the age of 18 while living in a slum. And besides, why shouldn't her father sell her? She's peaked. Living in a slum is hard. She'll become less cute. Lose her earning power. Sell when her price is high.

How do they deal with ground squirrels in the American northwest? They blow them up. Probably while drinking coffee and wearing flannel.

I've joked before about the problems Obama appointees have had with tax issues (although I still think it's absurd that the Sec'y of Treasury didn't pay his taxes since he's over the IRS). For all the talk of professionalism, it makes them look like buffoons for not vetting them well. Then I read this little blurb. One of the members of the auto task force (you know the one that kept GM and Chrysler from going into bankruptcy by giving them a bunch of money which led to them to going into bankruptcy or about to) was under investigation by the SEC for alleged kickbacks. But the good news is that he was vetted. But still put in charge of the task force. Hmmmm. That may be more amateurish.

General Motors and Chrysler have either declared bankruptcy or plan on doing so. GM hasn't yet, but they will if their restructuring doesn't go. And if it does, the feds and United Auto Workers will own 89 percent of the company. Chrysler already did the bankruptcy route. After giving up over half the company to the UAW. Supposedly, the deal with Fiat will come in to run things and make the company a success again by bringing in their technology and knowledge. Because with all the success that import cars have had in the U.S., none have been better than Fiat. Well, except Toyota, Honda, Volkswagon and well, do they even sell Fiats here?

Where does that leave Ford who wasn't bailed out by the government? In the short term, they're screwed. Good luck trying to win federal government contracts against General Motors. Oh, and your two main competitors are owned by the union that represents your employees. I'm sure their national leadership will be more than happy to make concessions for Ford. Now, long term, Ford is....well, probably still screwed. Sure, union or government owned industries generally don't work. They're inefficient and money losing operations. However, Ford is already struggling. Since the government has a stake in those companies, they can handle the losses for awhile in hopes that things turn around. Ford may not have that kind of time.

Why do I think government operations are inefficient? They have a long history of proving it. Want a real good example? In Hawaii, an access road was damaged by flooding in a state park. The state didn't think they could repair it for less than $4 million or less than two years. So, local people whose livelihood relied on the park being open fixed it themselves in a very short time. I imagine for a lot less than $4 million.

This is good. Sweden taxes stripper webcams. And thinks about 500 strippers may be skimping on their taxes. To the tune of 40 million Swedish kroner which may or may not be actual money. But according to a currency exchange rate, that's about $5 million in lost taxes. That doesn't really pass the smell test. That'd be $10K in lost taxes per stripper. I really doubt they're pulling in enough cash to meet that amount in taxes. But the real joke is that they're looking for Swedish strippers by manual searches of webcams. So, someone has to surf sex webcams and try to match them with known Swedish strippers. Where do I apply?

I haven't really paid much attention to that Sarah Boyle chick who wowed people on that show Britian's Got Talent because she sang well even though she was old, frumpy and a virgin which some apparently think is related to singing ability. Personally, I find it hard to believe that the producers of the show weren't aware of how well she'd do, but I don't really care because these type of shows are pretty dumb. Then I read this. Some "film" studio is offering her a million bucks to be in a porno. As I hold back the bile rising in the back of my throat, I have to ask who the Hell would want to watch that?

When will the nanny state's war on clowns cease? In England, a circus clown was told he couldn't wear clown shoes because they weren't safe. Does this mean people will really big feet shouldn't go to work? Give me a break. This guy broke his foot doing a stunt that could have happened no matter what shoes he was wearing. What's next? Making trapeze artists wear hard hats? Oh wait.....

A couple in Singapore were arrested for walking naked in a bar. I find a couple of interesting points from the article. One is that the writer felt the need to point out how prudish Singapore it. Which is true, but I have a feeling that walking naked through a bar might cause legal issues in Lexington. Unless it's a hot chick. Then it's acceptable. The other point the writer made was to say they showed up wearing clothes to their court appearance. Yeah, but my assumption was they'd show up naked to it. We've got some Pulitzer material right here.

Dead Pirates & Other News

2009-04-19T18:44:00.050-04:00

While I don't think much of Barak Obama's foreign policy, I will give him credit on the Somali hostage situation. Bullets to the head pretty much ended that hijacking. Now, I find it hard to believe that Obama really approved the actual operation as claimed. As in, he told the Navy to shoot them in the head if they had a shot. In fact, it makes more sense that he only allowed action if the captain was in imminent danger. Which seems like it should have been standard operating procedure. But at least he did allow them to shoot pirates if they were going to shoot the captain. And to be honest, I'm just glad that for once an American President can have third world thugs gunned down without criticism. I can only imagine what would have happened under a recent administration.

But if Obama is going to take the credit for the successful operation, I expect a lot more from him now. To begin with, put the only bastard you caught in jail for life. No plea bargains. And if he's acquitted (he will be tried in NYC), drop him off where he was captured. From a plane. Don't be like Canada who captured a bunch and let them go (that'll show 'em). Actually, there are two things that need to be done. Attack them before they get to sea. They know what ports they use. Blockade the ports, and if you see any boat coming from Somalia with guns, sink it. That's how the Royal Navy ended piracy in the Caribbean. Or how about arming the ships? These guys are in speedboats. Do you think they'll keep coming if you blast them with a .50 caliber machine gun?

Now is it fair to be suspect of Obama's foreign policy decisions? Maybe. Let's see, he reacts to a North Korean missile test by asking the UN for more sanctions in addition to the ones that North Korea had been ignoring already. Blandly took a tongue lashing from tinpot dictators. He also lifted some economic restrictions on Cuba, and then thought Cuba might want to release some political prisoners. Silly me. Since lifting the restrictions could easily pour a lot of hard cash into Cuba, I would have thought about asking them to release them in exchange for lifting the restrictions. What incentive does Cuba have to do it now? Oh right, Obama asked them to. That'll work. But at least he is "deeply disappointed" that an American journalist has been jailed on trumped up charges. I imagine his response will be a sternly worded letter and a care package of smokes. Especially when his previous efforts with Iran seems to consist of asking the only pro-American country in the Middle East to capitulate to the demands of anti-American groups in order for the U.S. to help them keep from getting nuked by Iran. Almost makes you long for the days of Jimmy Carter's hard edged diplomacy.

But let's look at some other things. Like a prostitution story because we all like hooker tales. This one is a strange one. Woman breaks into an apartment. Demands the men there pay her for sex. Ten dollars. Which looking at the picture may be too much. They call the cops instead and she's charged with solicitation. I have to wonder if she'd done this a lot and they were just fed up. Calling the cops is such a hassle. There were three of them. Everyone chip in a few bucks and have one of them take one for the team.

A university in Taiwan is proving that the U.S. doesn't have the market cornered on silly, wasteful classes. They have a class to learn "how to appreciate and analyse porn movies." Not sure I'd want to sit in front of the guy who appreciates it too much. What's the deal with these classes? What do you analyze on this? "Look at his aim. Didn't get any in her eye." Give me a break. And why take it? It's not like it was during my college days when there was no internet porn. And one schmuck is worried what his parents will say if he does well in the class. I'd be more concerned with not doing well because they'll know he spent the whole semester spanking his monkey instead of analyzing.

And to prove I can defend Barak Obama, I will. Sure, I ridiculed him for giving the Prime Minister some DVDs as a gift. Especially when it was found they didn't work in England. But I don't have a problem with him giving the Queen of England an iPod. To begin with, the gift she gives everyone is pretty damned egotistical. An autographed picture in a silver frame? Is she that out of touch with reality that she thinks that's what everyone wants? I think Frank Drebin said it best.

And a sad death to report. Marilyn Chambers who probably caused several cases of teenage carpal tunnel syndrome has passed away. I clicked on the video. It wasn't what I was hoping for. She was looking bad. All used up and knockers almost on the floor (not often I think a female porn star needs to zip up her jacket). And apparently not doing all that well. She was found in her mobile home. So sad when a cultural icon falls on such hard times.

Some hack psychiatrist is suggesting that the recession may make us happier. I know I'm popping wood.

God, I wish I could play the guitar.

Did anyone see where the government is thinking that GM should go into bankruptcy? I'm so glad the feds loaned them all that money. If they were smart, they'd run an ad campaign around those loans. Tell Americans that by buying GM cars, they can help the company pay back the loans.

A 53 year old woman got busted for reckless driving when she was pulled over doing 103 mph. With her grandson in the car. Who she was teaching not to drive that fast. With those genetics, that kid probably can't remember anything. Still probably wasn't as bad as the Norwegian who got busted for driving 123 kph. While having sex with his girlfriend. The position sounds like reverse cowgirl. Wait a minute. That's not even 80 mph. Sad day in this world when you can't get your rocks off while doing about 75 mph.

When I first heard that Madonna fell off a horse, my first thought was wondering if she was strapped on underneath.

Maybe this should have been near the pirate story. Two people are dead. From a sword fight. In Indiana. Here is the line that says it all. "That escalated when one of the men grabbed a sword, prompting the other man to also brandish a sword." Are Hoosiers now walking around with swords in case they need to fight a duel?

Who among us hasn't passed out on the crapper after taking too many prescription drugs and washing them down with bourbon? And then let the 2 year old we were babysitting wander out into a alligator infested canal? Actually, that never happened to me. Nobody is stupid enough to let me babysit a 2 year old.

What is with people going to some wannabe doctor for plastic surgery? A couple of months ago it was silicone injections in the ass. Now, it's boob jobs. With vet equipment. How stupid can you be? You think getting a boob job from some guy working out of a dirty house with pets running around is a good idea? I'm going to pretend to be a plastic surgeon. Not to inject people with silicone because that sounds gross. I'll just do pre-op screening and feel around some.

Let's end this blog posting with a good boob story. The War on Flashing Boobies is continuing. But at least a lawyer is fighting back. When nightclub out in Denver had it's liquor license suspended because some bimbos were flashing their boobs while there, their attorney decided to fight it as a 1st Amendment case. I'm not sure the 1st Amendment should protect that, but I like the effort. And I think women should be able to make a statement by whipping out the goodies. In fact, if any woman feels like showing me her boobs at any time, I won't complain.

Catching Up

2009-04-11T17:02:00.058-04:00

Been kind of busy so have quite a few stories saved up that I figure I need to get out. Let's start with the United Nations referring to the United States as "deadbeat" for being late on dues which our Exalted Ruler wants to take care of (too bad appropriations are done in Congress). My response probably would have been different. Would have begun with "F" and ended with "You". I might have pointed out that the U.S. doesn't owe the U.N. 22% of their budget if we don't want to pay it. It's a voluntary organization. So, we can volunteer to leave. Which isn't a bad idea. Let's see what our money is funding. Widespread corruption which doesn't seem to be much of a concern to the U.N. because they're holding up appointing a new boss for their investigation unit. The problem seems to be that competence is not valued as much as being a Ugandan woman. The U.N. also wants to spend $2 million on another racism conference. What's wrong with that? The conference on racism was so inherently racist that Obama didn't want to be involved. Oh, and if that's not enough, our money is funding sex tours for UN peacekeepers. I don't know why some members of Congress would be averse to throwing money at that organization.

Now, these are the stories you love. A Jewish restaurant mistakenly serves non-kosher hot dog and a riot almost breaks out as "a hundred enraged people" go after the cook who fights back with an electric knife. Actually, I watched the video and that hundred people seems exaggerated, but the cook did pull out the electric knife. He would have been better off with a butcher knife. Slashing blade and sharp point. Much more effective.

Here was a part of the AIG bonus foolishness that I missed. A bunch of state attorney generals are now "investigating" the AIG bonuses. By investigating, I think they mean "political grandstanding". Common sense tells me they don't have real standing since the money given to AIG was from the federal treasury. Assuming their excuse to get involved is really the reason, I must say I have a problem with a state AG thinking he has standing to investigate a company based on lost shareholder value. But 19 of them are just making hay. The 20th is a certified moron. He's the AG of Connecticut. Where a lot of the bonuses were paid. What's he want to happen? The bonuses be given back? Hey genius, if they keep the bonuses, your state gets to tax them for it. If they don't, you get nothing.

LeAnn Rimes is cheating on her husband. So sad. She was such a clean, wholesome girl. But I know where it went wrong. She did Coyote Ugly. Biggest dick tease of a movie ever. Previews made you think it was going to be a T&A fest. Nope. Cheesy girl-moves-to-big-city-to-follow-her-dreams-even-though-Bruce-Springsteen-didn't-need-to-drive-20-minutes-from-New-Jersey-to-make-it-in-the-music-business movie. When the previews show me women dancing on bars, I think full frontal female nudity is involved. Is that too much to ask?

Oh, here's a good one. A woman who is ordained in the Episcopal Church was defrocked for the minor transgression of converting to Islam. How intolerant of the church. Gee, how could that possibly affect her ministry? One person asked about it had this to say - "It's hard for me to understand how a Christian minister could have dual loyalties." Not me. She's an idiot and has no real beliefs. She'll probably be an Orthodox Jew or Scientologist next month.

Hmmm. The President flies in a pizza cook from St. Louis to serve a "casual lunch". That's the man of the people right there. I always have my pizza delivered by plane. I will now hold my breath waiting for the environmental psychos to complain about the carbon footprint generated by such an unnecessary trip when there are plenty of pizza places within walking distance (not to mention an entire cooking staff at the White House). Of course, this is the candidate who stated "We can't drive our SUVs and eat as much as we want and keep our homes on 72 degrees at all times...and then just expect that other countries are going to say OK." Until he got to the White House where he cranked up the thermostat. I guess "we" means "people other than Barak Obama".

Speaking of rules that should only be followed by the little people, several Congressmen have been found to be taking a homestead credit for homes in Maryland. Which is a credit for home residence. Which would be fine except these Congressmen are from states other than Maryland. And based on a little technicality called the United States Constitution, their home residence should legally be in the state they represent. I do like how they contend that what they did was perfectly legal, and they were willing to pay whatever the county says they owe. Pardon me if I find them completely full of crap. They knew when they filed for it that they were claiming the house as their primary residence. If I was their constituents, I'd be asking how a man is supposed to represent me if he considers his home to be 2500 miles away and just rents an apartment for the few times he comes around.

A deadly spider may or may not have been found at a Whole Foods Store. I don't care. I will now avoid health food. Well, I won't start buying health food. But that's neither here nor there. The part that caught my attention was the statement that its bite will cause men to have an erection. Man, I must have been bit a lot when I was in high school.

I've never been that big a fan of video games, but I'm wondering if I've just been playing with the wrong people.

Man, what a relief this news story is. Here I was wasting all my time doing the Sudoku puzzles in the newspaper. Now some professor has come up with an algorithm that will allow people to solve a puzzle in just quite a bit more time than normal. Truthfully, I find both sides to be rather stupid. The Sudoku lovers are in a tizzy because it'll spoil their game. Well, not really since you don't have to use it. Some people can still do math in their head (I know it's a stretch to believe). As for the guy who did it, doesn't he feel like he wasted a lot of time? He came up with a more inefficient way of solving a puzzle. He really should be more involved in government work.

Normally, I find stories about pornography to be interesting and insightful. Well, usually just amusing. A female pilot won a settlement because she kept finding pornography (actually sounds like naked pictures of women) in the cockpit of planes that she flew. Apparently, her pre-flight check included searching every nook and cranny for leftover pornography. She doesn't know how lucky she is. I was in high school in the pre-internet days. Does she not know how valuable "found" pornography was? Now, I would prefer my pilots be more professional than looking at dirty pictures while flying. However, I'm glad the bitch is out of the cockpit. She claimed that finding pornography made her go on meds and have to stop flying. Yeah, that's who I want flying my plane. Someone who is so mentally fragile that a picture of some chick fishhooking her crotch will give her the shakes. Wonder what would have happened if she'd been on Flight 1549. She probably would have tried a belly landing on top of an apartment complex. She probably put that crap there herself just so she could sue.

And much like finding someone I wouldn't want as a pilot, I've found someone I wouldn't want as a shrink. But I didn't need to see a picture of a 61 year old psychiatrist doing blow off her leg to know she would never handle my mental health (or lack of). The fact that she was Anna Nicole Smith's psychiatrist pretty much lets me know her competence level.

There are certain places in the world that you begin to think that they deserve whatever happens to them. Four Oakland police officers were killed by some scumbag criminal. How did citizens of this city respond? Marched in support of the scumbag. Want to know why this scumbag probably did it? Probably because he knew the cops were looking for him over a small matter of raping a 12 year old. Well done, morons of Oakland. Congrats on having the Raiders. Your sorry ass city deserves it.

I was driving down Versailles Road the other day and saw something I never thought I would see. A slightly banged up, gray Chevette. With an antique car tag. One of those that usually is only seen on classic cars. I guess it's technically an antique car. I think the criteria is that it has to be 20 years old and since GM stopped making that POS in 1986, it has to be that old. To be honest, I'm shocked it was still running.

I've already pointed out that I can't take Oakland seriously as a city. Nor can I take the state that it's in seriously either. California is actually thinking about banning black cars. It has something to do with global warming which is now called climate change because we are no longer warming and to continue to warn about warming that isn't happening might seem silly to rational people. Climate change can still be used because the earth's climate has changed drastically throughout history with no help at all from us. Want to know who the happiest people are about this latest nonsense from the land of wackjobs? Car dealers just across the border in other states.

Some British newspaper ran a piece about Rod Stewart and his wife who may have a name but I don't really care wanting to put their child in some private English school. Which is something else I don't care about. The only interest I had was when I saw the picture. Good lord, look at the nipples on that woman. And Stewart better watch out. They're at eye level and with those nipples jutting out like that, he could get his eye poked out. Whenever I see an unattractive singer with something like that, I curse this horrible singing voice I have.